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Sam had known he was different growing up and it wasn’t just hunting or the way he never seemed to fit in with his family.
Dean was 11 when he had his first kiss with a girl and Sam always wanted to be just like his brother. So, when he turned 11, his big mission was to have his first kiss like Dean.
But the problem with that was, he really didn’t want to kiss a girl. He liked girls don’t get him wrong, but the thought of kissing one or getting close to them made his stomach turn.
He felt the pressure when his 12th birthday was coming up, but still, he couldn’t manage to get himself to do what Dean had. Him, being a child, found that fact really unnerving so when Dean asked him if he was excited for his upcoming birthday he cried and told his brother about his failure to be as cool as he was.
He had told him that it was okay to be different from him, that not being exactly like him didn’t make him any less cool or ‘badass’ as Dean had put it.
Dean reassured him back then, telling him it was because he was still young and that it was normal not to have these feelings yet. Sam, admiring his big brother, had believed it like the law.
He had also told him that it was okay to be different from him, that not being exactly like Dean didn’t make him worth any less.
After that Sam stopped trying to be like Dean and it turned out that being different wasn’t so bad after all. Sam supposed he should’ve expected it, his brother was always right after all, except for, well, the other thing.
As Sam got older Dean tried to set him up with a ton of girls. Sam had always tried to convince himself that they just weren’t his type when he found none of them attractive at all.
To his luck, Dean had written it off as Sam just being shy and too nerdy to be interested in girls yet, even if he had already been 16 at the time.
At 17, Sam knew why he hadn’t been attracted to any of the girls Dean had tried to wingman him with, he supposes he’d always known, thinking of all the times he stared a bit too long at a guy’s body and lingering a bit too long on the way their chest moved, and their biceps looked.
So yeah, the realization hadn’t exactly been a surprise, but it was the first time he ever admitted it to himself, he was gay.
The thought was terrifying, thinking about how his dad, who was in the marines, was probably less than accepting and Dean, he scared him the most, not because he thought he’d hurt him, but what if he did?
The mere thought of it was unbearable and almost brought tears to his eyes. Still, he couldn’t hide this part of himself anymore and even though they were moving around constantly, Sam had found a few guys who he’d had relationships with.
Some were unserious, others left him heartbroken when they inevitably had to move to the next town, but what stung the most was the fact that he couldn’t tell his big brother about his heartbreak, scared of being found out or being caught in a lie.
It hurt, not being able to confide in his brother, but if it kept Dean at peace, still loving him and protecting him even as he turned into an adult, well, Sam supposed he could deal with it.
Leaving for Stanford had been hard, but with it also came new opportunities to finally get out there and explore his sexuality in ways he couldn’t before.
He had a few flings here and there and he was content, finally being able to be himself, but then he met Jesse, and it was like he finally understood why some people would do anything for the ones they loved.
He had been in his second year when they met, Sam was immediately attracted to Jesse, his blond curly hair and his freckles making Sam's cheeks feel hot every time he looked at the man. Jesse was a bit taller than he was and Sam relished in the fact, still, he was too scared to make a move on the other man, in fear of driving him away.
Then, one day, Jesse asked him out. It seemed so easy, the way the man stood before him, asking Sam if he wanted to go out with him to a nearby park.
Sam said yes of course, and they began dating shortly after. Sam thought of telling Dean about Jesse sometimes, when his boyfriend asked if he’d like to call his family on the holidays, but he always pushed the thought away.
Still, things were good, sure he missed his brother but God, he had been so in love with Jesse that even that seemed okay enough. If it had been legal at the time, he would’ve asked Jesse to marry him.
And then, like most good things do in his life, it all went to shit.
Dean didn’t understand why Sam was so upset over his friend’s death, sure, Sam had told him they had been really close but still, the way he was mourning the guy was like he lost a piece of himself. It worried Dean immensely.
He’d done his best to help his little brother along with his grief, messing up here and there sure, but hell, he was trying alright?
As time moved on Sam got better, the grief subsiding into a dull ache, always there but not impacting him in the way it had been before.
It was 2 years after Sam lost Jesse that he began to try and date again, getting with a few guys here and there, but it was difficult, with his brother always around trying to get him to make out with a few women here and there.
Sam thought about telling him, but he was still scared, the fear just climbing and climbing over the years as he imagined the worst of his brother’s reactions.
In the end, he didn’t have to tell him though.
They’d just finished a case in San Francisco, a classical haunting, angry spirit and all.
Dean, ever the party man, had begged Sam to stay a few more days before they moved onto the next hunt, wanting to use the opportunities of the big city and ‘get laid by a dozen women’ Dean had said.
Sam agreed after some reluctance, insisting that if they stayed, Dean would leave him alone and not push him onto any women.
And so, Sam had ended up alone in their hotel room, the time was just past 11p.m. as Sam thought about what to do.
He figured he might as well also use the time they had to go to a bar of his own, a little bit different than the ones Dean preferred though, the ones that were colorful filled with people that wouldn’t think twice about him kissing a guy.
So, Sam made his way towards the nearest gay bar after looking up how to get there on his computer. The walk there was pleasant, and Sam enjoyed the cold breeze of the autumn air on his skin.
Dean was in a pretty good mood as he drove back to his and Sam's shared hotel room, the clock read 4am and he’d just gotten laid by a really hot chick that made him see stars, he’d definitely be thinking about it for a while.
He wanted to stay at first, the afterglow of sex made him feel content next to the woman, but he figured he should get home since his phone had been out of battery, and he didn’t want to make Sam worry.
He’d apologized to the woman profusely, trying not to be too much of a dick given she had just made his eyes roll back, so he figured the least he could do is mutter a few apologies as he put his clothes back on.
Now driving home after he’d got back to his car which was still parked near the bar he’d been to, he enjoyed the way the city looked, never fully asleep.
As he was nearing the hotel, he saw a figure close to an alley, the man on the ground looked rather beat up, Dean could see blood on his clothes.
After checking there was nobody around, the man’s assailants obviously having left already, he parked his car on the side of the road, deciding he should at least take the stranger to a hospital or something.
He was about a meter or two away from the stranger on the floor when his heart began hammering and his whole body suddenly tensed up. The man before him wearing clothes he recognized immediately.
His steps picked up as he rushed to the man’s side, hoping to God that he was wrong about this and it wasn’t who he thought it was, laying there, unmoving.
His breath caught in his throat as he carefully turned the man, no, his little brother around. Adrenaline pumping through his body within a second and his breath coming in quick little puffs as he took in the state of Sam.
His head was bleeding, likely having been hit with something, his lip was split and there was a deep gash on the side of his head.
Dean held his breath as he moved down, checking Sam's heartbeat, if there was one. The mere thought of it made his own heart stop.
Thankfully, Sam's heart was still beating, Dean noted as sat up.
Inspecting the rest of his body he noticed his arm was bent in a slightly weird angle which made his stomach turn.
“Sam? Sammy! Come on please tell me you can hear me, wake up!” Dean was shouting now, his worry making him frantic.
His thoughts were racing, he had to get his brother to the hospital, he quickly pulled out his phone, ready to call an ambulance when he remembered that his phone had died, Dean shouted, frustration clawing at his skin as he looked around, trying to see if there was anyone he could ask to call an ambulance.
He couldn’t find anyone, and he cursed the universe for it in his head, tears threatening to fall as he tried to wake Sammy once again, with no avail.
Quickly, he ripped off some of the cloth of his shirt and put it against Sam's head, trying to stop the bleeding and trying to prepare himself for what came next.
Gathering up all the strength left in his body, Dean hoisted Sam up carrying him towards the Impala.
The body in his arms suddenly began to stir, “No..no more please” he heard his little brother say, his heart shattering at the words.
“Shh Sammy it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s me, we’re just going to get you to the hospital really quick.”
Sam seemed to calm down at the words, Dean putting him onto the backseat of the impala, trying his best not to cause more harm to his brethren’s injuries.
After he got Sammy settled into the car as securely as he could, he quickly sat in the driver’s seat and started up the car.
The drive to the hospital was quick, Dean breaking a few speed limits as he drove down the empty streets.
Finally arriving at the hospital, he immediately rushed inside, shouting for help.
Quickly some nurses came and rushed towards his car as he told them where his brother was, assuring them that the blood on his clothes wasn’t his, he didn’t know when it got there, probably when he had lifted Sammy into the car.
The next few hours were a blur, between Sam getting admitted and waiting for whatever procedures had to be done on his little brother.
Dean sat in the waiting room now, not sure when he’d got there, he talked with some doctors, but he couldn’t recall what about.
His face felt wet, and it took him a while to figure out that it was because he was crying, he couldn’t stop it.
Time moved slowly as he stared down the corridors of the hospital and then finally, “family of Samuel Winchester?” Dean was on his feet within seconds, rushing over to the doctor that had called out his brother’s name.
“That’s me, how is he? Is he okay?” God, he had to be okay, Dean didn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t.
“Samuel is alive, yes, he sustained some serious injuries, but he should make a full recovery.” The doctor said, standing stiffly in front of him.
Dean’s eyes didn’t pick up on much after that, his head repeating the only information that mattered, Sam was alive.
Distinctly, the rational part of his brain filed away some of the information the doctor had given him, like the fact that Sam had a concussion and that his arm was broken, or that he had gotten stitches on the side of his face.
“Can I see him?” Dean asked the man desperately, at first the doctor had refused, saying he should go home and get cleaned up first, given the fact that his brother was unlikely to wake up for some hours.
Dean had insisted though and after some back and forth, the doctor let him inside.
Sam looked incredibly small in the hospital bed, his face pale and beaten up badly, there were bruises everywhere and his broken arm was in a brace.
Still, he was alive. Dean sat down on one of the plastic chairs, moving it closer to Sam's bed so he could rest his head on top of his brother’s uninjured arm.
Dean began to break apart then, his face contorting in pain, not physical. Tears streamed down his face, and he desperately wanted to go and punch something, but the mere thought of leaving his little brother made bile rise up inside his stomach.
He’d find the sons of bitches that did this to his little brother, he’d beat them to a pulp, hell, he might even kill them, he thought.
The first thing Sam noticed when he woke up was the weight on top of his arm, the second thing was the smell of disinfectant in the air as he began to open his eyes.
The bright lights of the room he was in made his eyes hurt as he blinked a few times. Once he finally got his eyes open properly, he looked around.
He quickly came to the realization that he was in the hospital, for a brief second, he panicked, trying to figure out why he was here, suddenly it all came rushing back into him.
The memories of the three men that had caught him walking out of the bar, following him to the alley where they’d struck him down. He remembered their words, calling him slurs and telling him he was disgusting as they beat him to a pulp, he thought for sure they were going to kill him.
He didn’t feel much, recalling what happened to him, he felt completely and utterly numb.
A second wave of confusion hit him then, as he wondered how he had gotten here, did someone notice him after he passed out and called the ambulance, only then did he look to where the pressure on his arm seemed to be coming from.
Dean. His brother laying on top of his arms, eyes red like he’d been crying, it made Sam uneasy, thinking of the way this whole thing had probably distressed his brother.
And oh God, there is no way Dean wasn’t going to make him talk about this, his mind started racing as he thought about the fact that if he told Dean why those men had hurt him, he might agree with them, hell he might even give him another taste of their medicine, given the way they’d been raised.
Dean woke to the sounds of monitors beeping, quickly remembering where he was, he sat up, looking at Sam.
“Sammy hey, hey you’re okay, we’re in the hospital” he tried to reassure his little brother who was obviously panicking.
“Hey, it’s okay Sammy, they can’t get to you, I won’t let them, you’re safe I promise.” Dean continued.
His words seemed to calm Sam down a bit as the monitors went back to beeping at a normal pace.
After giving his little brother a few minutes, letting him calm down fully, he spoke up “what the hell happened man?”, Dean tried not to sound too worried as he looked at his little brother.
Sam seemed to freak out again at his words “I can’t Dean, you’ll hate me- “Sam rambled.
“I’m so sorry, I really am, I tried to be normal I swear and I can change too I promise, please don’t hate me” tears were falling from Sam's eyes now and his breath hitched.
Dean cut him off “Listen man, I don’t know what kind of crap those people that did this to you said, but I would never, and I mean never, ever hate you. You’re my little brother and I love you more than anything. Nothing you could ever say to me is gonna change that.”
It was quiet for a few moments before Sam spoke up again, quietly, almost like a whisper he said, “I’m gay Dean”.
Dean would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t been surprised at that, he stared at his brother blankly for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say.
He had nothing against gay people, he really didn’t, in fact, he was a bit offended that Sam thought he did.
But then he realized that it kind of made sense, given the jokes he used to make over the years, and shit, he’d been an idiot, he never meant to hurt his little brother.
“Listen Sammy, I know I’ve said some pretty insensitive things, but I need you to know that I never would’ve said them if I had known. You being gay, it changes nothing for me, you’re still my little brother, and I love you just the same.”
Sam had tears in his eyes, Dean lifted his hand to wipe them away.
“Thank you” Sam said, trying his best to get up enough to hug his brother.
Dean, understanding what his brother was trying to do, moved closer and pulled him into a hug.
Once they pulled apart, he hesitated for a moment before asking “is that why they beat you up? Because you’re..you know”.
Sam nodded, his expression making Dean's heart break. He felt anger pulse through him, he was going to find those people and make them pay for hurting his brother, no matter what it took.
Sam's eyes started to close, his body sacking down, he was obviously tired “how about you get some sleep huh? You can tell me all about it later if you want.”
“Will you stay with me?” Sam asked him and Dean nodded, “Of course I will.”
With that, Sam settled down again, and with Dean sitting beside him, he fell asleep fast.
Dean watched his brother sleep, he would get revenge for his little brother later, for now, he would just be there for him, watching his chest rise and fall. Feeling glad that Sammy was alive and that he’d be okay.