Work Text:
Dustfinger was laying on the grass in a clearing a few minutes away from the place he and Farid had set camp up. He heard Gwin run off quickly to go hunting. Dustfinger then heard something else. A stick snapping under someone’s foot. Bushes being moved away as someone tried to get through them with as little struggle as possible. Dustfinger knew it was Farid. He had wondered how long it would be before the boy came to try and find him. Dustfinger didn’t look over at where he heard the sounds from though, he continued to look up at the stars. The footsteps got louder before stopping. There was a pause before the footsteps came closer and Farid lay down on the grass next to Dustfinger. “I looked at a book about constellations that Silvertongue leant me, I never noticed just how many there were. I can see at least four right now,” Dustfinger said.
Farid paused. “What ones are they?” Farid asked quietly.
“I can’t remember the names right now, but there’s one, and another, the third one’s over there, and there’s the last one.” Dustfinger said, pointing to each constellation as he told Farid about it.
Farid was silent. “Dustfinger,” He said after a minute. “You’ll be with me forever, right?”
Dustfinger did a double take. After a short hesitation Dustfinger answered. “Farid, I’ll be with you as long as you want. But not forever.”
“But I want you to be with me forever!” Farid cried.
Dustfinger chuckled softly. “Sorry kid, but I don’t think that’ll happen.”
“Well can you at least try to stay here forever! Forget your world and stay here—or even better, I’ll go to your world with you! And we’ll be together forever then that way!” Farid said. “Please, just stay here with me!”
“Alright, Farid, it’s a deal then,” Dustfinger said. It was a lie though, he knew that he would leave this world eventually, and he also knew that Farid would never make it in his world. The boy wasn’t raised there and would be killed before a year was over. But for now, he would let Farid believe that they would be together for much longer than they would be in reality.
Dustfinger felt Farid move closer to him. “Do you do this often?” Farid asked. “Stargazing I mean.”
Dustfinger nodded. “Yes, the stars are always so beautiful, and they’re one of the only things that are the same in both my world and in this world. Same constellations and positions, same beauty, they’re exactly the same.” Dustfinger stopped talking before his voice broke. He would never reveal to anyone just how much he missed his world. So, for now, he just had to play it strong and pretend that he was showing everyone exactly how much he missed his world, and he would continue to lie to Farid about the dreams he had. They weren’t forgotten as soon as he woke up like he told Farid, he continued to remember them for days, and he had the same dreams every night, so they never left his mind. The dreams about being back in his world, happy with his wife, and performing confidently in the streets of the different villages and markets. Dustfinger realized that he had let the smile slip off of his face. Dustfinger forced a smile onto his features again. But it was fake. Sure, he still had moments that he would truly be smiling, but usually, he was only smiling because he made himself smile so no one would notice the pain he actually felt. He was depressed in this new world.
But for now, he would keep pretending and playing it strong, lying to himself about what he felt, to keep his feelings of loss and longing from affecting his mental health. He had a routine of doing that, and he would continue it.
For his own sake, he would be able to keep fake smiling.
For Gwin, so the marten would continue to be accepted and cared for, whether the small animal appreciated Dustfinger or not.
For Resa, Silvertongue’s wife, who he knew would grieve if she found out Dustfinger’s real feelings.
For Meggie, the young girl who was slowly but surely coming around to liking Dustfinger.
For Roxanne, Dustfinger’s wife, who he knew was waiting for him back in his world.
For Farid, Dustfinger knew all too well that Farid would be devastated and depressed if Dustfinger showed how he felt, or how Dustfinger just wanted to get back to his own world.
Dustfinger remembered something the boy had told him a few nights ago.
“Dustfinger,” Farid had said one night. “I want you to know that if you ever die, or go away , I’d do anything to see you again. I’d kill myself if it meant I would be reunited with you.”
The boy had said it so casually, as if it was something completely normal to say. Yet another reason for Dustfinger to keep smiling. And so that was what Dustfinger would do.