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These days, the faintest rustle in the hallway was enough to wake Kai.
He woke with a snap, a quick surge of adrenaline and a pulse of pain from his side before he fully caught up to their situation.
Morro was gone. Everyone was okay. They’d saved Lloyd.
Speaking of whom.
Sighing, Kai let his shoulders go loose with a mild tremor. Everyone was okay. Or getting there.
Sliding out of bed without a sound, Kai slipped out of the bedroom after Lloyd, careful not to wake anyone else. Knocking into Lloyd’s bed on the way, he swiped a hand over the blankets - cold.
He found Lloyd balled up on the couch, with Cole’s weighted blanket drowning him. He was staring at the wooden wall, eyes vacant, breaths faint and shallow.
Kai scuffed his feet on the floorboards as he came in; Lloyd twitched harder than the situation really warranted.
“Hey,” Kai said by way of greeting, circling the couch to sit next to Lloyd.
His little brother turned his hunted eyes on him. A little bit of awareness returned to his gaze as he shifted. He was chewing on his lip again.
“Hi,” Lloyd whispered.
Kai put an arm around the kid and pulled. Lloyd wriggled to tuck himself into Kai’s side; Kai could feel his trembling subside a little bit under the added pressure of Kai’s firm hold.
They sat in silence, Kai’s mind running the same tired track it’d been on since everything ended, a bare week ago.
Lloyd wasn’t sleeping. He napped in fits and woke hyperventilating. He’d admitted to Nya that waking up made him panic because for a minute the disorientation put him back in Morro’s mind. The exhaustion had sharpened his paranoia; the paranoia made it harder to get any true rest. It was a vicious cycle, and only one of their problems.
Lloyd had ridden out their final showdown with the Preemminent on some kind of insane adrenaline wave. Then, he’d wiped out epically, passed out for two days straight, and been unable to sleep since. Master Wu and Zane had conspired to get Lloyd on a cocktail of vitamins because he’d barely eaten when he’d been possessed, and he was bruising too easily and seemingly without cause. It wasn’t doing as much as it should though, because they could barely get Lloyd to eat now.
The amount of weight Lloyd had dropped for the amount of time he’d been gone was staggering. The last of his baby fat was long gone, and his golden skin was pale over thin features. The ghost of Morro’s angular, aquiline countenance shadowed his brother’s drawn face. His wrists seemed thin enough to snap. He had weeks, maybe months, of conditioning ahead of him before he’d be back where he was before.
That bastard hadn’t just possessed and tormented Lloyd. He’d used and abused his body, like a throwaway tool to be discarded when he’d pushed it to its limits. It ached to know that someone so precious as Lloyd had been so… disrespected. Reduced to a beast of burden that Morro had run ragged and used up.
Kai didn’t know what to do. Nobody did. At some point Lloyd needed to sleep. Zane was beside himself at his inability to help his brother. He’d read three books in the last week to try and devise some plan to save Lloyd’s failing health. Even Jay was showing the strain of it - he and Nya had tried a dozen different ways to try and get Lloyd to eat. He just picked at the food. In Lloyd’s defense, he knew he needed to put weight back on and he was trying. He’d thrown up four times since he’d woken up though. Last night, Kai had overheard Cole and Zane debating the merits of trying some IV nutrients if they couldn’t get this figured out soon.
It wasn’t fair.
After everything - learning airjitsu, fighting a realm and an army of ghosts, losing their powers, almost losing Cole - they still couldn’t catch a break.
Beside him, Lloyd was still tense, nearly invisible beneath the blanket Cole wasn’t using anymore. His legs were tucked up onto the couch, and though he was now curled into Kai, he wasn’t showing any signs of going to sleep.
Last night, Kai had gotten him to sleep for almost an hour before he’d woken up crying. Kai had hugged him and stared at the ceiling, rage frothing on his tongue so violent it turned into tears of his own. It wasn’t fair.
He’d rocked Lloyd back to sleep again, after. They were discovering that pressure helped - Cole had confirmed that there wasn’t much feeling as a ghost. Lloyd had whispered to Kai one night that it helped him stay in his body. His littlest brother had always been short, but now he was just… small, in a way he’d never been even when he was a little kid. It’d been easy to hold him. He’d slept for another hour or so before starting awake again.
But tonight, despite Kai’s hopes, Lloyd showed no signs of drifting off. His vacant stare was a little too wide, his breath coming a little too fast, muscles shivering a little too hard.
Kai had always been an angry crier. The injustice of it all made him weak with rage every now and again. Why had something so bad happened to someone so good? Lloyd did nothing but sacrifice. Why couldn’t he catch a break? Why was Kai awake at midnight, holding a little brother who shook through nightmares every day, whether he was asleep or not?
Kai was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. He had two cracked ribs right now. He and the others had been trading off sitting with Lloyd. Everyone was tired. Lloyd was so far beyond tired.
“Hey,” Kai broke the silence softly. They’d been sitting on the couch without moving for at least half an hour. He was falling asleep despite himself and he refused to rest if Lloyd couldn’t manage it. “How’s it going?”
Lloyd mumbled something inaudible from under his blanket. He shifted, squirming to find a different position. Kai tugged the blanket away from his coarse blonde hair and let Lloyd turn his face into Kai’s shoulder, cupping the back of his neck. His skin was clammy.
Lloyd’s nose was a slim point of pressure in the dip of muscle between Kai’s shoulder and chest. How could anyone drawn so tight also feel so frayed by exhaustion?
“I can’t sleep,” Lloyd moaned, this time just loud enough for Kai to hear. His heart broke a little - Lloyd was hurting so much, and what could Kai do to help with any of it?
“I know,” he said, uselessly, working at the base of Lloyd’s skull with his thumb, dully rubbing at his hairline.
“Every time I try,” his voice was still raw, “right when I start to go, I panic. I start to… fade, and it’s like I’m… he’s…” Lloyd ground his forehead into Kai’s shoulder, like the contact could protect him from his tormenter.
Right. He starts drifting off, and it must feel like Morro’s in control all over again.
“I keep almost sleeping and then waking up and it’s awful,” Lloyd whimpered.
Kai bit his lip.
“I want to sleep,” Lloyd went on. “I know everyone’s worried and- and my head hurts all the time, and- I’m so tired,” he whined. “I keep trying but it’s- I-”
And there they went, Lloyd sounded close to tears again. He was not hydrated enough to be crying again. The last thing they needed was for him to be starving, exhausted, and dehydrated.
Relieved to finally be presented with a problem he could fix, Kai nudged Lloyd toward the edge of the couch. “Let’s go get some water, okay?”
Lloyd sluggishly abandoned the safety of the couch, staggering under twenty pounds of Cole-sized weighted blanket.
Fondness bloomed under the exasperation and the hopelessness.
Kai herded a shuffling Lloyd into the kitchen, glad for once that everything was so close on this ship.
Situating his charge on a stool at the island, Kai left Lloyd to wobble precariously into the countertop and got a plastic cup. He’d dropped a glass one three days ago and had a panic attack at the noise. He had little cuts on his left palm because of it. Just another small injury amidst a sea of stress fractures.
“Drink all of it,” Kai ordered, setting cool water in front of his brother. Lloyd’s dull eyes drifted up to him for a second as he reached for the cup.
Content that at least Lloyd was able to manage liquids, Kai turned to the fridge, hoping maybe they could try a snack or something.
Once, when Kai and Nya were younger, before the ninja, Nya had gotten sick. In hindsight - it hadn’t been that bad. At the time, it’d been the scariest thing Kai had ever gone through. She’d had no appetite - no matter what Kai tried, she couldn’t eat anything. She’d lost weight she didn’t have to lose. Kai had been panicking. They’d been… severely limited on culinary options, to say the least.
Finally, though, her fever had broken. Kai had brought her food, and though she’d refused at first… he’d sat next to her to eat, wondering what he could do, when suddenly she picked up her plate and ate more than she’d eaten in days.
Kai glanced over his shoulder at Lloyd surreptitiously. He was face-down on the island, hands tangled in his brittle hair.
After, Nya had informed Kai that his ‘gross eating noises’ had made her hungry for the first time since she’d gotten sick.
It seemed like Kai could see Lloyd’s bones under his skin. He could trace the edge of his eye socket, his collarbone cutting like a corner under his jaw.
He turned back to the fridge, scanning the contents and doing some quick calculations in his head.
Gross eating noises might not be the ticket, but… maybe there was something else he could try. After all, it didn’t seem like Lloyd was going to be sleeping any time soon tonight. Maybe what he needed was a distraction.
Reaching into the fridge, Kai commandeered a pot of rice left over from something else, eggs, and the sauces. Casting about, he found green onions - not as fresh as they could be, but fine. Lloyd looked up at the clatter as Kai deposited his haul on the island.
“What’s all that for?” Lloyd asked as Kai turned to the cupboards, looking for cooking oil.
“Egg-fried rice,” Kai said simply.
“...It’s one in the morning?” Lloyd informed him.
Kai shrugged. “Can’t a guy want some rice at one in the morning?”
“...I guess,” Lloyd acquiesced.
Kai fired up the stove and found a pot. Reaching the rack sent an unexpected spike of pain through his ribs and he cussed under his breath, nearly dropping the pot and waking up everyone else. Lloyd huffed a dull laugh through his nose.
Pot retrieved, ribs throbbing, Kai set the oil to heating over the stove while he searched for something to beat his eggs in.
“Does that look clean?” he asked, pointing to a mug abandoned on the edge of the island. Lloyd stretched for it, inspected it languidly, and slid it to Kai.
“S’just water,” he said.
They were a little behind on dishes. Kai dumped out the water and swiped the inside with a towel. Setting it aside, he grabbed a knife and a small cutting board, depositing them next to the onions he’d found.
Eyeing the bowl of rice, Kai briefly pondered how many eggs to use. Four? No, he’d use five. Lots of good fat and protein in there.
Kai cracked his eggs into the mug, spared a moment of regret that he hadn’t found a larger mixing vestibule, and used a fork to beat them.
Lloyd was still laying on the island, but he was watching Kai’s actions with subdued interest.
“You want more water?” Kai asked, casting a glance at his pan.
Lloyd shook his head. His eyes were only half open.
Kai beat the eggs absentmindedly as he waited for the oil, more to keep his hands occupied than anything. He was tempted to experiment with spices, but decided against it. This dish could be as simple or as complex as he wanted, but for this purpose, best to keep it as bland as he could.
When the oil was smoking, Kai dumped in the eggs, stir-frying them with sharp, precise movements.
“I made this a lot when we were younger,” Kai said absent-mindedly, tracking the eggs as he watched. He needed to add the rice before they finished cooking.
“Yeah?” Lloyd asked, clinging to the conversation weakly.
“We ate a lot of rice,” Kai laughed. “You can do it a lot of ways. And it’s cheap,” he said.
“How’d you learn?” Lloyd’s attention was looking a little more focused.
Kai’s eyes flicked back to his pot as he chewed his lip. “My mom taught me when I was little,” he said.
Deciding it was time, Kai grabbed the rice from the other day, dumping the bowl into the small pot. It sizzled agreeably when it hit the oil and eggs, and he kept stirring to get it broken up and spread out.
“That’s nice,” Lloyd said quietly.
“Yeah,” Kai said. “Hey, can you chop those green onions for me? I forgot.”
He had not forgotten. Lloyd either didn’t notice or didn’t care; but he did settle back into himself a little more as he reached for the knife, board, and onions Kai had set out.
Watching his little brother carefully slice the green stalks brought back memories of the two of them in the kitchen with Zane long ago as Zane taught Lloyd how to cut different vegetables. They’d been making stir fry. Kai and Zane had gotten into an argument over the best way to slice peppers. Zane had flaunted his ability to cut onions without crying. Lloyd, ten at the time, had laughed at Kai’s own reactive tears.
“Here,” Lloyd rasped.
“Thanks, greenie,” Kai said, reaching to snag the board without stopping his stirring.
His rice was already smelling good, but as he swept it to the side and added the green onions, popping in the fresh oil before he stirred them in, the smell went from good to tantalizing. Kai could admit he was biased - he loved the sharp tang of onions cooking.
“Now that’s nice,” Kai said appreciatively, to the kitchen at large. He took up the soy sauce and the sesame oil next, sprinkling some of both around the edges of his pot. Lloyd didn’t like soy sauce much, so he kept that addition to a minimum.
“You’re gonna have everyone up with that smell,” Lloyd commented, a wry tone sneaking into his voice.
Kai huffed as he tossed the rice-egg mixture. “Nah,” he said. “We’ve got the kitchen to ourselves.”
His rice was browning nicely. It smelled great. It would be incredible with some chili peppers frying in there, but Kai could make more later with pepper. Right now, he had a plan.
Satisfied, he slid the pot from the flame, letting it sit farther back on the stove. He’d give it a stir every now and again to keep it from setting, but it’d marinate there for a bit and be steeped in flavor by the time he was ready for it.
Kai returned to the fridge, opening the doors and taking the chance to surreptitiously study his brother. Lloyd had propped himself up on his elbows to cut the onions, and was still there; position more upright, at least, than his previous slump. His somber green eyes seemed slightly more alert - he was, wanderingly, tracking the movement of his fingers as he slowly tidied the scraps of onion skin and greens left from his chopping. His expression was still listless, and limned with exhaustion.
Distraction successfully began, Kai fished out some chicken. He wouldn’t cook up much - just enough to really get this dish looking and smelling appetizing. While it sizzled on the stove, Lloyd’s senses would be taking in the impressions of food - and hopefully by the time Kai was done cooking, his body’s instinct to not die would let him finally get something down.
Zane and thawed this chicken for something he wanted to cook tomorrow; hopefully he wouldn’t mind Kai stealing a third of it tonight. Kai kept an eye on his rice as he puttered around the chicken, reading spices and making a collection. He ended up with onion powder, paprika, garlic powder, some parsley, and the salt and pepper that lived on the island.
He wouldn’t be letting Lloyd anywhere near raw meat in his state, but Kai did whisk the pot from the stove, setting it on a hot pad in front of Lloyd with the spoon.
“Give this a stir for me every now and again, huh?” he asked, depositing the pot in front of his brother.
Lloyd inhaled bracingly as he dragged himself more upright. “Sure thing,” he said with a weak salute.
Pouring oil into his pan, he set it to heating so it would be ready by the time his chicken was seasoned.
Kai washed his hands again and chopped up the chicken, making his strips thin so they’d fry faster. Laying them out, he washed his hands again and dried them so the spices wouldn’t stick.
Passively, he watched Lloyd out of the corner of his vision as he layered spices onto the raw chicken. He was working at the rice with the spoon, and seemed that little bit more alert. Kai smirked. His stomach was growling just smelling everything. No way could Lloyd sit directly over the pot stirring that rice for the next ten minutes without getting hungry.
He went easy on the seasoning, determined to make this a bland, easy meal, perfect for his hopeful intentions of feeding Lloyd.
The oil in the pan was shimmering, dancing like a mirage in the strange way oil did when it got hot. Grabbing for tongs, he began dropping chicken into the oil, jumping back a few times and cursing lowly at the oil splatters.
“Kai?” Lloyd spoke up, voice tentative behind him.
“Yeah?” Kai asked, nudging the chicken with the tongs. He’d forgotten to get the thermometer out. Where were they keeping it right now?
Lloyd was quiet for a moment. Kai abandoned his search to look at him. He was hunched over the pot now, staring at the food inside.
“What’s wrong?” Kai asked, alarm blooming in his stomach.
“I feel like…” Lloyd’s face scrunched up as he worked the words out. “I feel like I’m broken,” he said quietly, cringing back into his blanket. “Why can’t I-” he broke off, losing whatever thread of verbalization he’d managed to drag out.
Kai bit his lip. “Lloyd,” he said, reaching across the island to tousle Lloyd’s hair. Lloyd leaned into the touch. His skin was clammy. “You’re not broken,” Kai said quietly. “You’re going to get through this.”
Lloyd turned watery green eyes on him. “I don’t-” his voice cracked. “It doesn’t feel like it,” he said miserably.
“I know,” Kai said. “Look, right now, you’re just…” he searched for words, feeling as helpless as he ever had. “You’re exhausted, Lloyd. Everything seems worse when you’re tired, right?”
“I guess,” Lloyd sniffed.
“We’ll get through this. I know it seems like… a lot, right now,” Kai choked a bit on that. A lot didn’t begin to cover it. It was wholly inadequate.
But Lloyd seemed to get it, so he fumbled on. “This isn’t forever,” Kai promised. “Eventually, you’ll feel better. I promise,” he added.
Lloyd was quiet for a minute. “I am tired,” he whispered. “I want to sleep so bad, Kai.”
Kai swallowed. Let’s see if I can charm some sleep out of you once I get you fed, he thought determinedly. “I know, Lloyd,” he said. “We’re gonna get you to sleep, I promise.”
Lloyd’s haunted eyes fixed on his for a long minute.
“I think your chicken is burning,” he whispered eventually.
“Aw, crap-” Kai had wholly forgotten about the chicken that was, indeed, getting a little black in the oil.
He flipped them, cussing at the aggravated oil as it popped and hissed frantically, escaping the pan. He won a watery giggle from Lloyd when he dropped the tongs and jumped a foot in the air at an unexpected pop that singed his wrist.
“I’ve gotta find that dang thermometer,” Kai muttered, yanking drawers open and rifling through them as quietly as he could while still hurrying.
Eventually he did find it, in the drawer under the oven where they kept cookie sheets - anyone’s guess why - and used it to check his chicken. 160° and climbing, so he grabbed a plate and started taking the chicken from the oil.
“That smells good,” Lloyd commented as Kai started chopping up the chicken.
“It better,” Kai groused performatively. “I ought to be immune to all burns, but apparently burning oil doesn’t fall under my umbrella.”
Lloyd snorted. Kai pulled back the pot of rice, scooped some into a pair of bowls, and added his chicken. Grabbing the pepper flakes from where he left them, Kai added a generous sprinkle of them into his own bowl.
“Kai,” Lloyd said heavily as Kai came around the island, sitting on the other stool.
“What?” Kai said, feigning innocence.
Lloyd didn’t say anything else, just fixed him with a pathetic look as Kai set the second bowl in front of him.
“You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to,” Kai shrugged. “But I’m starving.” That was no exaggeration - he dug into the rice cheerfully, delighted with the taste. Was one in the morning not the proper time for this? Maybe so. But who was here to tell him that?
They sat in silence as Kai ate, Lloyd pressing into his side. The kitchen was warmer than the living room, heavy with the scent of soy sauce and spices now. Kai wondered absently if any of the others had woken up.
Lloyd wasn’t stirring. Was he falling asleep? Kai could settle for half a victory, he supposed - though he’d hoped to get some food into the kid. Surely Lloyd was at least a little hungry? By now his body should be taking in the scents and reminding him that he’d been running on empty for far too long.
Kai was nearly done, trying to decide if he cut his losses and bundled Lloyd up to try and get him to at least sleep, or if he tried something else to get him to eat, when the weight on his shoulder shifted.
A little surprised by the movement, Kai glanced over.
Lloyd had the fork in his hands. He was pushing at the still-warm chicken and rice in his bowl, observing the food in silence.
Kai could’ve cried for the relief that crashed over him when Lloyd took a tentative bite. It was like a rope stretched tight finally snapping - an invisible weight sloughed off his shoulders when Lloyd swallowed.
He didn’t stir, afraid any noise or movement would break whatever spell was allowing Lloyd to get the food down.
A few slow, nervous bites later, something sharpened in Lloyd; he leaned forward a bit, movements growing more sure as he scooped up more rice.
Kai hadn’t gotten him much; the limitations of the human body didn’t escape him, and Lloyd hadn’t eaten properly in weeks. No matter how bland and easy the meal, too much would make him sick.
But… against all odds, after days of failed attempts at sustenance, Lloyd managed to finish the small portion Kai had prepared for him. It took him a bit. Kai didn’t think he’d truly got his appetite back - it seemed more like the perfect combination of circumstances to get him interested in a little bit of food.
“You feel better now?” he asked carefully as Lloyd slowly set the fork in the bowl.
Lloyd hummed, turning and pushing his forehead into Kai’s shoulder.
“Lloyd?” Kai asked, swallowing. “You gonna be sick?”
“Nn,” Lloyd shook his head minutely.
Kai smiled softly. “Great job,” he praised. “Let’s go sit on the couch again, huh?”
He turned slowly so he could gather Lloyd up - his brother was still sickeningly light, easy to pick up with his huge blanket and tangled hair. Kai left his mess ignored, flicking off the kitchen lights as they went.
Returning to the dim living room, he sat down on the couch and set Lloyd next to him. The kid was sinking fast; Kai was once again overwhelmed with relief as Lloyd shifted before settling with his head in Kai’s lap. Kai snagged a throw pillow and snuck it under Lloyd’s head so his neck wouldn’t hurt. The Green Ninja muttered something inaudible, and stuck his boney nose into Kai’s stomach. Thank goodness his cracked ribs were on the other side.
Kai settled with a hand in Lloyd’s hair, rubbing absently at the nape of his neck. His brother was a solid, unmoving presence. The slight reprieve from the near-constant worry about Lloyd left Kai’s muscles weak. Had that really worked? Not only had he gotten Lloyd to eat, he’d kept the food down and seemed to be falling into a real sleep, finally. Kai could cry.
He didn’t know how long he sat up with Lloyd - eventually, his own exhaustion started overpowering his relief and remaining concern; Kai slumped further and further back until he ended up leaning into the back of the couch, fast approaching sleep himself. Lloyd wasn’t a wholly calm sleeper - he twitched and stirred at turns, but he didn’t wake up, and Kai’d never thought something as simple as his brother sleeping could bring him this much happiness.
And that was how he woke up the next morning - sunlight streaming through the window, neck horribly sore from his unwise sleeping position. Nya was sitting on the coffee table nursing a mug of coffee, relief clear in her own shadowed eyes as she smiled wearily at Kai.
Lloyd was still asleep.
He was going to be okay. They all were