Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August 6th, 7:02 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

heyyy baby

wanna ride my dick rn?

7:05 PM

EVAN

who the fuck is this

7:05 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

?? barty

from the club

7:06 PM

EVAN

what type of name is BARTY

UNKNOWN NUMBER

hey :(

7:07 PM

EVAN

u have the wrong number

7:08 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

wait

ur not emmeline?

EVAN

that is what i just said, yes

UNKNOWN NUMBER

damn

wtf

7:12 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

wanna fuck

7:13 PM

EVAN

leave me alone

UNKNOWN NUMBER

that wasnt a no ;)

hey

I saw you read that

come back

August 5th, 6:31 PM

EMMY

omg mary

this creepy bartender who's smiling like a lunatic just asked for my number

he's on something 100%

6:33 PM

MARY

don't

emmy

pls get out of there

LEAVE

6:37 PM

EMMY

okay

gave him a random number

me and marlene are booking it

love you mary

goodnight x

6:38 PM

MARY

thank the queen

goodnight, emmy x

August 6th, 7:20 PM

BARTY

omfg

regulus

so remember emmeline

the girl who gave me her number

7:25 PM

REGGIE

Barty, are you aware of the time?

7:26 PM

BARTY

took you long enough 2 respond

its only 7??

do you remember her?

7:27 PM

REGGIE

yes

BARTY

turns out it wasn't her number

she blew me off man

7:28 PM

REGGIE

good for her

7:29 PM

BARTY

reggie :(

ur supposed to be on my side

but anywho

the person i texted is being rude af and leaving me on read

7:30 PM

REGGIE

and I bet it was uncalled for, too

BARTY

it was!

they made fun of my name

which is like fair but still

wait

you were being sarcatsic weren't you

7:31 PM

REGGIE

I was being sarcastic, actually

7:32 PM

BARTY

fuck you

August 7th, 8:07 AM

EVAN

r u awake

8:10 AM

CAS

yup

what is it?

8:10 AM

EVAN

so there's this guy

CAS

mhm, right. im up

8:11 AM

EVAN

no dorcas

not like that

he's a random number who was texting me last night

he thought i was this girl named emmeline

he asked if i wanted to fuck

8:12 AM

CAS

did he ask to have sex before or after finding out you are not this girl?

EVAN

before AND after

and - this is the real kicker - guess what his name is

CAS

stop wtf

what is it

8:13 AM

EVAN

barty

CAS

OMG NO

his parents must HATEE him

EVAN

ikr

8:15 AM

CAS

wanna get breakfast

EVAN

yeah

maccies?

CAS

maccies

August 7th, 10:19 AM

BARTY

hey beautiful

what u been up to

10:21 AM

NOT EMMELINE

who is this?

10:22 AM

BARTY

already forgot me?

10:23 AM

NOT EMMELINE

ffs

leave me alone barty

BARTY

you remembered my name!!

10:24 AM

NOT EMMELINE

how could i not when you have such a horrendous name

BARTY

im going to ignore you said that

and i will also accept ur apology for leaving me on read last night

anywho

ive been meaning to ask u what ur name is

10:25 AM

NOT EMMELINE

i do not know you

BARTY

so?

NOT EMMELINE

you could be a forty five year old man

BARTY

im not

NOT EMMELINE

very reliable

and how do you know that I'm not a twelve year old you asked to have sex with?

10:27 AM

BARTY

ARE YOU?

NOT EMMELINE

NO

it's a what if

BARTY

thank god

i promise im not a 45yo man trying to get in ur pants

i mean

im a 23yo man trying to get in ur pants

10:30 AM

NOT EMMELINE

well that's better i suppose

considering im also 23

10:31 AM

BARTY

ooo

new info

NOT EMMELINE

you don't know anything else about me??

BARTY

we have the same dialing code

so i know we both live in bristol

10:33 AM

NOT EMMELINE

bristol's a big city

BARTY

ill find you ;)

NOT EMMELINE

that's creepy

not that i owe you it, but i've got to go

bye

10:34 AM

BARTY

where r u going

work?

school?

tell me

tell me

tell me

where did you goooo

11:30 AM

NOT EMMELINE

i have a life

believe it or not

BARTY

ur back!

where did you go

tell me

tell me

NOT EMMELINE

stalker

BARTY

hot, right?

11:32 AM

NOT EMMELINE

nope

illegal, though

BARTY

at least tell me ur name

if not your work place and where you may or may not go to school and ur exact location

NOT EMMELINE

if I do will you leave me alone?

11:35 AM

BARTY

yes

NOT EMMELINE

evan

BARTY

wow

what a basic ass name

EVAN

fuck you

August 7th, 11:37 AM

BARTY

regulus

regulus

regulus

regulus arcturus black

11:40 AM

REGGIE

what.

BARTY

i found out random numbers name

REGGIE

very interesting

11:41 AM

BARTY

im going to pretend ur not being sarcastic

becuase it is VERY interesting

because not only did i find out his (it's a boy!) name

i also found out hes our age to

REGGIE

cool

11:42 AM

BARTY

arent you going to ask his name

REGGIE

fine

what's his name, Barty?

11:43 AM

BARTY

evan

its evan

nice, right?

11:44 AM

REGGIE

very

infact, it's the nicest name ive ever heard

BARTY

:/

Maneaters

August 7th, 8:04 PM

MARY

girls

you know i love you right

i love you all so much

LILS

are you drunk, mary?

do i need to come get you

8:05 PM

MARY

no

is fine

just too much wine

i love you girls so much

if i could kiss you i would

ill just kiss the screen

ghjnm

LILS

we love you too <3

EMMY

yeah !!

love you mary x

MARLEY

mwah love u

8:07 PM

EMMY

spa day tmrw?

LILS

yes, i need it

this week has been rough

and it's only wednesday!

MARLEY

all in favor of spa day tmrw?

MARY

yesssssss

EMMY

it's a date

8:10 PM

LILS

well, it's my bedtime girls

goodnight x

MARLEY

sweet dreams

EMMY

don't let the bed bugs bite!

MARY

night night

Chapter Text

August 8th, 4:05 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

wassup evan

4:06 AM

EVAN

it is FOUR O CLOCK AT NIGHT

UNKNOWN NUMBER

you're awake

EVAN

because of you

UNKNOWN NUMBER

;)

4:07 AM

EVAN

not a compliment you tosser

UNKNOWN NUMBER

everything can be a compliment if you believe hard enough

4:08 AM

EVAN

go to bed, barty

UNKNOWN NUMBER

nah

can't sleep

4:09 AM

EVAN

go bother someone else with then

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i tried!! nobody else has answered

besides you obv

looks like ur stuck w/ me :)

hey

are you leaving me on read again?

so not cool evan :/

4:11 AM

EVAN

i was getting a glass of water

UNKNOWN NUMBER

ur back

omg

yay

EVAN

i will leave

4:12 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

cmon man

who pissed in ur cereal

EVAN

oh, you mean who woke me up at 4 AM?

that would be you

UNKNOWN NUMBER

sorry not sorry 🤷‍♂️

4:13 AM

EVAN

im going to block u

UNKNOWN NUMBER

you wont

EVAN

says who??

well idk but i feel like you wouldnt

but just incase

pls dont

4:15 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i see you didn't block me

admit it

you love me evie :3

EVAN

i just gagged

UNKNOWN NUMBER

oh?

EVAN

you dirty-minded prick

4:20 AM

barty?

where tf did you go

did you fall asleep

goodnight, i guess

Maneaters

August 8th, 12:10 PM

LILY

meet you girls at the spa?

12:11 PM

MARY

yes ma'am

MARLENE

omw

EMMELINE

see you there!

12:11 PM

LILY

okay, great

see you there, too

❤️

MARY

❤️

EMMELINE

❤️

MARLENE

💖

see how my heart has sparkles?

it's a good luck heart

im wishing y'all good luck on ur drives

MARY

i wish you girls 💖💖💖 too

EMMELINE

yes!! 💖💖💖💖

LILY

good luck hearts for everyone 💖

The Marauders

August 8th, 1:02 PM

JAMES

guess what

PADS

what

what

what

MOONY

what happened?

WORMTAIL

omg tell us

1:03 PM

JAMES

i asked the bartender 4 his number last night

PADS

THE MEAN ONE

JAMES

YES!!

HE GAVE IT TO ME

he wrote it on a napkin 4 me

how cute is that!?

MOONY

that's amazing prongs

WORMTAIL

you always did like the ones that were rude to you

i have no clue how you keep bagging them, tho

first lily now him

JAMES

im just like that 💪

1:05 PM

MOONY

are we forgetting lily dumped you not even a year after dating you?

JAMES

it was almost a year!!

PADS

exactly

WORMTAIL

it was 6 months

JAMES

shhh

August 8th, 2:17 PM

BARTY

good morning, beautiful

EVAN

it's noon

did you just wake up?

BARTY

yes

where is my good morning?

or do you only wish people good night

2:18 PM

EVAN

good morning

BARTY

😁😁😁

do you want to see my pet

EVAN

sure

BARTY

(insert photo)

2:19 PM

EVAN

woah

BARTY

what?

do you not like helena

EVAN

i do

i just didn't expect her to be idk

a TURTLE

BARTY

she's a tortoise >:(

and she has a little motorcycle

EVAN

my bad for not knowing my turtles and tortoises 🙄

she's cute

BARTY

but im cuter

right?

right, evan?

EVAN

um

ive gtg

bye!

BARTY

bro

August 8th, 2:23 PM

EVAN

hey

CAS

hey

EVAN

barty has a pet tortoise named helena who rides tiny motorcycles

CAS

what 😭

that's actually cute though

a little weird

but in a cute way

EVAN

do you want to see the photo

CAS

obv

EVAN

(insert photo)

CAS

omg she's SO adorable i love her

EVAN

yeah, she is adorable

i made her my wallpaper

CAS

and yk what

that's great for you

August 9th, 3:00 PM

JAMES

hi

it's james

REGULUS 💕

hello

how have you been?

JAMES

amazing

u?

REGULUS 💕

good

3:05 PM

JAMES

do you want to go on a date?

you don't have to answer now or anything - or at all - but i was just wondering

ill pay

REGULUS 💕

yes

JAMES

ok

when are you free?

REGULUS 💕

saturday

JAMES

alright!

where do you want to go?

REGULUS 💕

surprise me

JAMES

sure can do

:)

The Marauders

August 9th, 3:12 PM

JAMES

EMERGENCY

EMERGENCY

LOVE

WHAT IS IT, PRONGS?

PETER

what happened!?

REMUS

are you okay?

JAMES

THE CUTE BARTENDER AND I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW

HE TOLD ME TO SURPRISE HIM

WHAT DO I DO

LOVE

OMG this is monumental

REMUS

blimey james

i thought you were trouble

JAMES

i am!!

what do I wear? where do we go? omgomgomg

PETER

i swear, you and pads are such drama kings

LOVE

im prepared with a list of places to go just for dates

and mary can help with your outfits

we've GOT this mate

August 9th, 10:11 AM

REGGIE

Barty.

BARTY

did someone die?

REGGIE

what?

BARTY

you never text me first

REGGIE

whatever

i need your help.

i have a date tomorrow

10:12 PM

BARTY

ooo

with glasses guy?

REGGIE

his name is James

and yes

BARTY

ive been waiting my whole life for this moment, reggie

i have you covered

August 9th, 12:07 PM

EVAN

hey

UNKNOWN NUMBER

what is going on today? everyone's texting me first!!

EVAN

? okay

do you have anymore pictures of helena

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i see how it is

only interested in my pet now, are we?

12:08 PM

EVAN

my friend wants to see her

and yes,

i am only interested in your pet

UNKNOWN NUMBER

aww

you talk about me to your friends?

EVAN

just cas

UNKNOWN NUMBER

who's cas?

EVAN

dorcas

she's my best friend

UNKNOWN NUMBER

im worried

what do you tell her about me 😓

EVAN

everything i suppose

she thinks ur weird

but she likes the tortoise

12:10 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

yk i get it

helena is a baddie

here

(insert photo)

EVAN

omg she wears hats!?

she's so lovable

UNKNOWN NUMBER

she is!! and she LOVES her cowgirl hat

EVAN

tell her i said hi

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i will

Chapter Text

August 11th, 9:00 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

regulus is being gross about his date

EVAN

who?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

my emotionally constipated BFF

he went on a date yesterday

im going to throw up

9:02 AM

EVAN

???

UNKNOWN NUMBER

he keeps trying to be all nonchalant

but i see him blushing everytime he gets a text from this man

who is way too sweet?? like unhumanly its weird

EVAN

isnt that a good thing

UNKNOWN NUMBER

no

hes hiding something

i know it

and he's too sweet for someone as mean as reggie

9:03 AM

EVAN

is he not ur bff??

UNKNOWN NUMBER

its the truth

hed take it as a compliment anyways

regulus a bitch through and through

while this james guy is sugar, spice, and everything nice

there regulus goes again

practically giggling and kicking his feet

i suppose i will have to tolerate him

considering he makes reggie happy

EVAN

mhm

9:05 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

sooo

what u been up 2 ?

EVAN

breakfast

UNKNOWN NUMBER

what kind?

EVAN

huh

UNKNOWN NUMBER

like cerael, pancakes, french toast, what is it?

EVAN

oatmeal w/ blueberries in it

UNKNOWN NUMBER

tasteless slop

disgusting

EVAN

stfu

UNKNOWN NUMBER

nah

get better tastebuds

EVAN

and what tf do u eat for breakfast

UNKNOWN NUMBER

breakfast is for the weak

EVAN

excuse me??

how are you going to judge MY breakfast choice WHEN YOU DONT EAT BREAKFAST

bugger off

UNKNOWN NUMBER

nah

think ill stay

9:12 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

evan?

beautiful?

did you leave :(

August 11th, 9:20 AM

ROSE

fuck barty

DORCAS

umm

fuck him or FUCK him?

ROSE

dorcas.

he insulted my oatmeal

and he doesn't even EAT BREAKFAST

DORCAS

the first one

got it

ROSE

im livid

DORCAS

understandable

nobody should insult another's oatmeal

9:22 AM

ROSE

he said breakfast is for the weak

this bloody idiot needs new braincells

if he has any in the first place

DORCAS

u are fuming about this arent u

ROSE

YES

breakfast is very important to me

9:23 AM

DORCAS

i know

its like your child

ROSE

i fall alseep thinking about what im going to have the next day

i daydream about what ill make

how dare he say that to me

DORCAS

how dare he

ROSE

ruined my day

DORCAS

sorry to say this

but ive got to go

yk things to do

girls to charm

ROSE

🙄

hoes before bros is it

DORCAS

😉 u know how it is

August 12th, 9:23 AM

BARTY

evan eats oatmeal with little blueberries in it

how cute is that?

9:24 AM

REGGIE

that's not what you told him

BARTY

it would ruin my bad boy rep

REGGIE

you don't have that

9:25 AM

BARTY

i so do

August 11th, 1:16 PM

JAMES

guys

WORMTAIL

is this about the mean bartender?

MOONY

has to be

PADS

tell us!!

JAMES

his name is regulus

which is crazy

my best friend AND my boyfriend are named after stars?

PADS

destiny, man. destiny

JAMES

he's so pretty

and oml

he is amazing

he's funny

and he is so sweet

MOONY

james

we know

WORMTAIL

sorry - the MEAN bartender is SWEET?

PADS

love is in the air

JAMES

i can't wait to see him tonight

August 12th, 5:03 PM

DORA

i fed the squirrel again today

and i bought a new dress

EVAN

what's the dress look like?

5:04 PM

DORA

it's yellow and strapless

i also bought you a present

EVAN

aww 💕

thank you

DORA

when do you want to meet?

5:05 PM

EVAN

i dont have classes on thursday

so we can meet then

if ur free

DORA

yes

love you evan

mwah

EVAN

love you dora

<3

August 12th, 8:03 PM

BARTY

omg

guess who's here

EVAN

who?

BARTY

EMMELINE

EVAN

no way

what

8:05 PM

BARTY

what do i say to her

EVAN

nothing??

stop

dont do whatever ur about to do

BARTY

we locked eyes

i smiled at her

she looked away

EVAN

stop it

barty stop it

im getting embarrassed on ur behalf rn

BARTY

i waved at her

EVAN

STOP

8:07 PM

BARTY

wait

she's here with someone

oh shit

EVAN

BARTY

Maneaters

August 12th, 8:15 PM

EMMELINE

oh my gosh that was amazing

MARLENE

what happend

EMMELINE

mary just slapped a guy in the face for me

LILY

is mary okay?

8:16 PM

MARY

im good

he deserved it

i broke one of my nails tho

EMMELINE

it was creepy bartender guy!

LILY

well, at least the pair of u are alright

MARLENE

this is wicked

we should celebrate

EMMELINE

come meet me and mary at the pub and we will

james is here, too, i think - talking to that bartender of his

LILY

what are you lot doing out during the week anyways?

it's 8 pm

MARLENE

past our curfew, is it?

MARY

sorry, mum

August 12th, 8:20 PM

BARTY

owwww

EVAN

are you okay? did something happen?

BARTY

look at you caring about me 🤭

im fine

emmeline's friend ( i think i heard her call her mary) marched over to me

8:21 PM

EVAN

what.

BARTY

and she slapped me !

it hurts

she left an imprint on me

her nail broke from the force 2

EVAN

blimey

BARTY

it was so hot

EVAN

excuse me

BARTY

you should have been there evan

it was so sexy

EVAN

im ending this conversation

August 12th, 8:20 PM

JAMES

omg guys

the other bloke on shift (regulus says his name'ss barty) just got slapped in the face

and guess who slapped him

our very own MARY MACDONALD

WORMTAIL

that's fucking awesome

PADS

what a queen

8:24 pm

PADS

moony wants me to tell yall to 'go the fuck to bed'

WORMTAIL

sorry, remus

JAMES

its only 8 pm!

PADS

no arguing with remus, prongs

August 13th, 10:41 AM

DORCAS

hi!

this is dorcas

CUTE GIRL FROM THE ICE RINK

hey 👋

this is marlene :p

Chapter Text

August 13th, 8:37 AM

DORCAS

evan
this is urgent

wake up

ROSE

im up

what is it?

DORCAS

remember that girl i was telling you about?

the one with the red streaks in her hair

ROSE

oh u mean the one u keep talking about nonstop

yes i think i know her

DORCAS

her and i are going to hang out later today

im scared

what if she thinks im weird?

ROSE

her loss then

but i doubt she will

DORCAS

what do i wear 😭😓

8:39 AM

ROSE

okay

so wear those mary janes of urs

and that green blouse that pandora got u

with ur piano skirt

she'll be drooling

trust 🙏

DORCAS

your a lifesaver

ROSE

add those bracelets of urs

the chunky ones

DORCAS

❤️

ROSE

im the best ik

August 13th, 2:16 PM

MARLENE

mary

mayr

myra

2:18 PM

MAYR

did the date go well

pls tell me it went well

MARLENE

it went AMAIZNG

shes sooo hot mary

dorcas is her name

what a beautiful name

to fit such a pretty woman

AND she listens 2 siouxsie and the banshees

gosh

we have a lot in common for 2 completely differnt ppl

shes so graceful on the ice

which is weird

since i asociate the ice with violence and roughness bc of hockey

but she does the opposite bc of figure skating

2:19 PM

MAYR

is she nice to you?

MARLENE

very

no need to worry about that

she isnt like haven

MAYR

i trust you to look out for yourself, okay?

MARLENE

i will

i promise

MAYR

alright

August 15th, 1:04 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

how u been

EVAN

good

you?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

same same

i got in trouble with my boss

EVAN

because of the emmeline thing?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

yup

cant flirt w/ customers anymore :(

EVAN

u arent supposed to in the first place

UNKNOWN NUMBER

whatever 🙄

its okay

i still have u ;)

EVAN

why am i getting punished

UNKNOWN NUMBER

im a blessing

EVAN

who is lying to u?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

thats mean

EVAN

im honest

UNKNOWN NUMBER

nah

u love me

EVAN

once again

i do not know you AT ALL

UNKNOWN NUMBER

u know my name

and my age

and my job

that's a lot

EVAN

no i dont

UNKNOWN NUMBER

wdym

EVAN

ur job

i dont know it

UNKNOWN NUMBER

u sure? couldve swore i told u

EVAN

nope

what is it?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

ooo

interested are we

EVAN

nvm

UNKNOWN NUMBER

im a bartender

so is reggie, actually

we met at bartending school

EVAN

cool

UNKNOWN NUMBER

what's ur job?

EVAN

nope

not answering that

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i work at the deatheaters

EVAN

huh

UNKNOWN NUMBER

thats the pub i work at

EVAN

why would u tell me that??

im a complete stranger

UNKNOWN NUMBER

well, now u have an advantadge on me

if i pull anything wierd u can just tell my boss

now

will u tell me where u work now?

1:10 PM

EVAN

im a barista

UNKNOWN NUMBER

look at how easy that was

EVAN

shut up

1:11PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

were matching

EVAN

elaborate

UNKNOWN NUMBER

u make ppl drinks, i make ppl drinks

EVAN

i guess so

UNKNOWN NUMBER

:D

August 15th, 2:18 PM

PANDORA

it was nice to see you evan

EVAN 🌹

it was nice to see u, too, dora

thank u for the gift

PANDORA

ur welcome

do you like it?

EVAN 🌹

mhm

thanks

PANDORA

❤️

August 15th, 2:20 PM

EVAN

me and pandora met today

CAS

how did it go?

EVAN

she gave me a present

it was a matching bracelet

CAS

thats nice of her

EVAN

it has felix's name on it

2:23 PM

CAS

how do you feel about that?

EVAN

embarrassed

i cried

CAS

evan.

EVAN

people were looking at us

pandora hugged me

2:26 PM

EVAN

i miss him, cas

CAS

do u want me to come over?

EVAN

if u want

CAS

im coming

August 16th, 10:09 AM

LOVE

did you unload the dishwasher?

REMUS

yes

on ur way home can you pick up some groceries from the store?

we're running low

LOVE

mhm

REMUS

thank u

love you sirius ❤️

LOVE

love u 2 <333

August 16th, 4:00 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

hey beautiful

EVAN

hi barty

UNKNOWN NUMBER

how was ur day :)

EVAN

fine

u?

UNKNOWN NUMBER

i took helena outside today

she likes the grass

EVAN

thats nice

4:03 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

helena wants to give u kisses

(insert photo)

mwah

EVAN

❤️

UNKNOWN NUMBER

regulus is going on another date with this jimmy boy

he is freaking out abt it

since hes in charge of where they go

EVAN

dorcas went on a date recently too

the girl's names marlene

cas is head over heels obsessed with her

4:07 PM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

why are they like this 😭😭

EVAN

fr

and over some loud hockey player too

UNKNOWN NUMBER

james' hair sticks up in all directions and uses spiderman bandaids

why does regulus worry so much about james liking him

EVAN

dorcas is so nervous about looking weird

like

embrace that shit

UNKNOWN NUMBER

exactly

no need 2 worry about something so silly

EVAN

honestly it makes 0 to me bc shouldn't they like u for idk YOU

maybe im crazy tho

UNKNOWN NUMBER

yeah

u sound insane to me man

4:12 PM

EVAN

this is the reason im single

the dating pool is the most anxious place to be

UNKNOWN NUMBER

so what im hearing is theres an opening ;)

EVAN

conversation ending now

August 16th, 4:17 PM

BARTEMIUS

bro

evan is NOT making this easy

REGULUS

maybe it's because he doesn't want to fuck you

like he has expressed multiple times

BARTEMIUS

im not stopping until he tells me no

and he hasnt yet

so 🤷‍♂️

REGULUS

im surpised he hasn't

BARTEMIUS

ive got a shot

just say it

he loves me reggie

and helena

but mostly me

4:19 PM

REGULUS

i think you've got it backwards, mate

BARTEMIUS

:(

REGULUS

Helena has charisma

BARTEMIUS

fair