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After a long day of herding cattle, Shauna Shipman’s day is finally over. “You doing anything tonight?” her herding partner, Vanessa Palmer (or ‘Van’), asked. Not that she had any real interests in Shauna’s plans. “I think I’ll head over to the bar, you?” She responded in the same tone, but it’d be rude not to ask. “Well, the wife’s making pork chops for dinner, and I’d could never say no to that” She said with a smile. Shauna nodded “sounds good, give Tai my best.” She commented, Shauna was quite close with Taissa. She finished locking her horse in the stables and was starting to walk away. “‘Course, see ya Monday.” Van mumbled, still filling up her horse’s trough. “See ya.” Shauna mumbled.
The night was a crystal clear darkening blue, and the clouds floated like cotton candy. As she walked, Shauna fixed up her belt and hair. She was hoping to get a shot to flirt with the Bartender, Mari Ibarra. Yes, Shauna is always the first to admit she’s kind of a bitch, but personality doesn’t define looks, and Shauna was always open to a good time. Finally, she opened the door with a low creak no one heard due to the rumbling in the bar, then her breath hitched at the sight of a woman spinning like a woodland fairy to the saloons upbeat parlor music.
But this wasn’t just any woman, it was her woman.. Well, not anymore.
Jackie Taylor - almost Jackie Shipman, but that hadn’t worked out - was the brightest star in everyone’s pitch black night. She wore a bodice the color of light pink roses with a white shirt underneath and a matching long flowing skirt. Her bonnet was a matching white with those pink flowers. It seemed to be purposefully placed tilted down, closer to the back of her head. Although it looks like it might fall off, Shauna hasn’t noticed since the most pleasant thing in the world to look at is Jackie’s face.
Despite that, Shauna turned away, now clammy hands balled up. It took her a lot less willpower than you’d expect after that sight, but she turned towards the bar nonetheless. She turned her eyes to Mari, who wasn’t nearly as stunning as the girl dancing in the center of the room, but was still easy on the eyes.
“How you doing Mari?” Shauna carelessly questioned, with a foot tapping at the bottom of her stool with a sly smirk. “Well Shipman, it’s a busy Friday night, so I could be better.” She responded while splashing vodka into someone else’s cup. The world no longer stops when someone calls her ‘shipman’ but what did was the tapping of her nail against the bar, and not to mention, she did steal a glance at Jackie before meeting the bartenders eye again. “Well, if you could grab me a glass of whiskey I could help with a lot of your worries.” Shauna mischievously suggested. “I’ve been given that offer so many times, what makes you different?” “The difference is that you’re interested in me.” She smirked, lying, and trying harder to ignore Jackie. “Is that so?” Mari asked, handing Shauna her whiskey. “You’ll have to decide that for yourself. But I have a feeling.” Shauna got up from the bar and walked away. She had no intention of going anywhere particular, but Mari didn’t seem very interested, so she thought she might talk to a few other women in the bar.
This plan was definitely not fool-proof. After about 10 minutes of scouting out another broad to court, she couldn’t help but be pulled in by Jackie’s inescapable orbit. So, accepting defeat, she sits back at the bar alone. Her back facing Jackie, Shauna resists the unstoppable force trying to turn her around. After a few excruciating seconds, the tunes die down. After a few more, she hears strong excited footsteps approaching “Mari! Could I get a gin and tonic?” the words - as common as they were - sounded unreal. Like a waterfall in a silent forest, it’s not like she could hear the rest of the bar anymore, all the focus was on her. “Jackie..” the words slipped out, as if a reflex. Shauna froze immediately, sitting up straighter and directing her focus towards Jackie. She looked back, and after a long pause “Shauna.. how are you?” She says, no better than Shauna’s helplessly in love tone. “I’m.. uh, good? I guess… you?” Shauna wonders, as if the universe depends on her answer. The look in Shauna’s eyes could tell Jackie everything, and maybe Jackie would’ve been able to listen to them if she didn’t have the exact same look in her own. “Uh, yeah, fine… fine.” Still in shock, but coming to her senses. The noise of everything else slowly coming back. Mari handed her the drink, and when Jackie touched the glass it was basically already empty.
“Let’s go.” She stated firmly, harshly placing her cup down on the bar. There was some consciousness in her voice, but just because Jackie was calming down, doesn’t mean Shauna was. No one could snap out of the silence she herself was surrounded by and the awe inspiring woman in front of her. “Uh.. What- What?? Where?” She was barely able to ask as Jackie took her arm and dragged her out of the bar. The contact itself of Jackie’s arm on her was like heaven. They shoved past people and into the open night, just as Jackie would. “I.. haven’t seen you.” Shauna could just nod. “Well.. how are you?” Jackie, staring at the most beautiful lost cause, could only muster up the same question she had asked inside. “I’m, um, I don’t know?” Jackie still stared, but different now. She realized Shauna’s state now. “Are you drunk?” She bit. “No.” Yes, she was. But not on alcohol, after the breakup one glass of whiskey was stone cold sober for her. Shauna was drunk on Jackie. The feeling of her skin, the smell of her perfume, the sight of her perfect hair, and the almost halo like glow surrounding her head from the street light and frizz of her hair. She was everything, she was the stars and the tall grass deep in the fields and the crystal clear running rivers with sparkly stones. Every second of being in her presence was intoxicating. “I saw you dancing. You look good.” Shauna blurted out, surprisingly well. “Uh, thanks. I didn’t see you come in, how long have you been here?” Shauna could feel like crack in her heart. “Maybe an hour.”
“Oh, ok. You still working the fields?” Jackie didn’t have anything else to ask, she just didn’t want Shauna to leave. “Yeah, I am. How’s the hair salon?” Shauna didn’t actually know, she had to start cutting her own hair. “It’s doing well, Laura Lees still helping out.” Shauna nodded “good.. good.” Neither of them wanted to leave, they just wanted to occupy each other’s space. An eternity passed - not bad, nor awkward, - before either said anything. They were too busy looking at each other to think about the embarrassing silence. Shauna stared at her past wishing it was also her future, and Jackie at lost battle she gave everything to try and win.
“Why’d you leave?” Jackie spoke so quietly the only reason the sound tickled Shauna’s ears was because the wind was blowing in her direction. “What?” She seemed confused. “Why’d you leave?” Her voice cracked. “You.. I couldn’t live like that. I needed other things in my life Jackie.” Shauna finally admitted, she never said it to her face. “What? Everything was about me? Is that what you’re saying?” Jackie was dumbfounded, she couldn’t understand what Shauna meant. “I mean.. yeah, we didn’t do things for me.” They stood in silence for a second, Jackie trying to rationalize what was being said. “You needed to be around me, I never forced you to do anything.” Now Shauna was confused. “No.. no no, I wanted to do other things, like.. horse riding, or going to plays.” “We did that!” Shauna froze once again, staring at Jackie once again, but not because of awe, nor wonder or love. She was staring because she had no idea what to say, Jackie was right, again, and Shauna now had the worst possible feeling sitting in her stomach, guilt. “No..” she whispered, like a crumbling cookie filled with the overwhelming despair of being wrong and losing everything because of it.
“I… don’t.. love you anymore, Shauna.” it was cold and deadpan, and according to Shauna, a blatant lie. “Really? Seriously?” Shauna’s now blocking the gates to her heart with a sharpened sword, and Jackie doesn’t know the password anymore. “I think you should go.” Jackie’s doing the same, but instead of a sword, it’s a simple lock, and Shauna doesn’t have a key.
Shauna took two quick steps towards Jackie and kissed her deeply. It was filled with passion, memories and the lingering feelings left at the bottom of an almost-empty bottle of whiskey. “Are you sure?” Shauna’s hips and forehead were attached to Jackies. So was her hands on Jackies cheeks, and Jackie had to resist the urge to tug at Shauna’s belt to bring her closer. That kiss was a striker patch on Jackie’s match. It was a small, dim flame. Nowhere near a roaring fire, but it was something. Before Jackie could say anything, Shauna turned around, and stormed away. “..No, I’ll never be sure” Jackie let out with a sigh, that’s the exact thought she was keeping locked away.
“God damn it” she whimpered, storming off in the other direction.