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it’s the same routine. yoongi sends a text and jungkook is at his dorm within twenty minutes, letting yoongi tear his jacket off and shove him up against a wall. it’s the same routine, jungkook face down, ass up, with a hand tangled in his hair. it’s the same routine, the harsh kissing by soft lips and the warm hands touching him so coldly. it’s the same routine, day in, day out.
there was a time where jungkook was hopeful, full of love and passion. every time that yoongi would let jungkook fall asleep in his dorm while yoongi went to class and every time that yoongi would talk to jungkook as he got dressed made jungkook believe there could be something more.
how naive.
of course, of course, jungkook would fall in love with yoongi. it wouldn’t happen any other way, would it? where would the story be if it were just two people in it for the sex and nothing else? nobody cares for a story of mutual non-feeling.
they were tentative friends before they were lovers. namjoon introduced them, believing jungkook’s sweet voice would help yoongi’s newest project - he was right. jungkook’s singing worked perfectly when paired with the aggressive rap yoongi would spit, a song about the woes of unrequited love.
jungkook had liked working with yoongi - he was quiet but amusing. he never used words unless what he said would mean something and jungkook loved it. he found yoongi to be good company, sitting in the studio watching as yoongi mixed their voices into the track. it was fascinating and jungkook was enamoured with the way yoongi’s fingers flitted across the keyboard and the way he would press his lips together when he was concentrating.
when the project was finished, yoongi rewarded jungkook’s hard work and patience with a heated kiss, pinning him against the studio door and pressing their bodies close. jungkook had melted, letting yoongi shape him however he wanted.
“do you want to go back to my place, jungkook?” yoongi had asked, staring at jungkook like his answer was the only thing in this world that was important. maybe it was.
“yes,” jungkook breathed out and let yoongi lead him into the beginning of their relationship. of course, it wasn’t the relationship jungkook knew he wanted. jungkook wanted so much and he couldn’t have any of it. that hurt the most.
he loved yoongi’s smile; he wanted that smile to be directed at him. he loved yoongi’s hands; he wanted to hold them. he loved yoongi’s voice; he wanted that voice to tell him he loved him. he loved yoongi; he wanted yoongi to be his.
he wanted yoongi to be his because he was already yoongi’s. how sad, how heartbreaking, how pitiful. jungkook was an embarrassment, pining for someone who obviously didn’t love him.
“how many others are you sleeping with right now?” jungkook murmured one night, cuddled up into yoongi’s side. yoongi never forced him to leave. jungkook liked to think it was because he was yoongi’s favourite.
(he didn’t know whether the others got to cuddle up to yoongi like this but he was just desperate for even the slightest bit of want.)
“four.” yoongi stated. such a cold, hard fact. he was with four others. jungkook was one of five. “is that a problem, jungkook?”
“no.” of course not. “i was curious.”
“jungkook.”
“for real.” jungkook smiled easily up at yoongi. “i don’t care. you can do whatever you like with me.” because jungkook had grown used to it. he knew what he was and he knew there was no point in fighting it.
jungkook was yoongi’s - yoongi’s to use, yoongi’s to fuck, yoongi’s to throw away when he was done. jungkook was a doll, a simple toy made to be played with and enjoyed at yoongi’s leisure. he was all yoongi’s and he didn’t even care anymore.
“you look awful.” namjoon seemed worried. jungkook didn’t know why.
“late night.” jungkook laughed. he knew how to laugh like he meant it. jungkook was good at pretending. “you know how uni is. leaving everything to the last minute even if you know it’s a bad idea.”
“hm.” he’s not convinced. namjoon had the uncanny ability of seeing right through jungkook’s facade. maybe he wasn’t as good at pretending as he thought he was. “are you still seeing yoongi?”
“yeah.” jungkook shrugged because it’s no big deal. it’s nothing. he’s with yoongi for a quick fuck and that’s it. “so?”
“mmm.” namjoon frowned disapprovingly and jungkook rolled his eyes.
“it’s alright, hyung. i’m fine.” he’s fine. he’s fine! never better, never better!
yoongi was gentler with him that night and jungkook cried when he got back into his own dorm. he hated the glimpses of what he could have. he just wanted yoongi to use him and then end it. no false hope.
“you alright, jungkook?” yoongi was smoking tonight. he only did that when he was stressed. jungkook guess it was because of the exams yoongi would have next week. “you seem a little off.”
“i’m good.” easy smile. so good. “just pulling all nighters over coursework, as usual. just sleep deprived.”
yoongi clicked his tongue. “go home and get some sleep, kid.”
“okay.” go home. get sleep. return in a few days.
then a few days turned to a week, then two weeks. yoongi called less often. jungkook’s phone didn’t light up at 10pm anymore with a text asking for company (sex). jungkook sat in his dorm, not doing his coursework, waiting for something that would never come.
the last time was the worst yet it was everything jungkook was expecting.
“we can’t do this anymore, jungkook.” simple words, simple meaning. jungkook was destroyed.
“oh.” ruined, crushed, empty. “alright.”
yoongi pet jungkook’s hair gently. “i found someone and i think it’s gonna go somewhere great. i don’t wanna ruin it by having meaningless sex, you know?”
meaningless.
“yeah, i get you.” jungkook smiled at yoongi. easy, easy smile. “good for you, hyung. i hope they treat you well.”
“me too.” yoongi laughed. “i’ll miss you, though. you were my favourite.”
“good.” jungkook’s heart hurt. he wanted to die. “i’d be disappointed if i wasn’t.”
and just like that, jungkook was thrown away. he hadn’t expected any less; he was just glad he got to be yoongi’s for the time he was given.