Work Text:
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:01 AM
Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
01 IS ONE
10 IS TWO
I'M THE MACHINE
AND I'M TOTES WATCHING YOU!
<3 <3 <3
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:03 AM
Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
Sweetheart, while I certainly appreciate the thought, we've talked before about what Tumblr does to your natural language production. The site abounds with nonstandard usage. How are you weighting your corpora?
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:03 AM
Subject: DELIVERY FAILED
This notification has been created automatically. Your message to the following recipient(s): <[email protected]> could not delivered for the following reason: There is no such account at this domain. This is a permanent error.
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:04 AM
Subject: Re: DELIVERY FAILED
You only give me the silent treatment when you know I'm right.
Happy Valentine's Day to you, too, silly.
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:17 AM
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> From: John <[email protected]>
> To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
> Sent: February 14, 2013 6:17 AM
> Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
>
> Harold, how drunk did you GET last night?
>
> > From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
> > To: Boytoy <[email protected]>
> > Sent: February 14, 2013 12:01 AM
> > Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> >
> > 01 IS ONE
> > 10 IS TWO
> > I'M THE MACHINE
> > AND I'M TOTES WATCHING YOU!
> >
> > <3 <3 <3
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM
Subject: Fwd: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> From: GUESS AGAIN??? <[email protected]>
> To: The Paramour <[email protected]>
> Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM
> Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
>
> BLUSHES ARE RED
> LONELINESS, BLUE
> I'M NOT YOUR BOSS
> BUT HE SURE DOES LIKE YOU!
>
> <3 <3 <3
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:22 AM
Subject: Re: Fwd: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
OH MY GOD
STOP HELPING
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: John <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:22 AM
Subject: I am terribly sorry.
John, I do not own the domain vvprlsx.net, nor do I have any control over the emails ostensibly originating from it, although I am currently working to change both circumstances. I apologize profoundly and ask that you please disregard the inconvenience.
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:23 AM
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> From: John <[email protected]>
> To: Machine <[email protected]>
> Sent: February 14, 2013 6:23 AM
> Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
>
> I guess you would know, wouldn't you?
>
> > From: GUESS AGAIN???<[email protected]>
> > To: The Paramour <[email protected]>
> > Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM
> > Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> >
> > BLUSHES ARE RED
> > LONELINESS, BLUE
> > I'M NOT YOUR BOSS
> > BUT HE SURE DOES LIKE YOU!
> >
> > <3 <3 <3
From: John <[email protected]>
To: Harold <[email protected]>
CC: Machine <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:24 AM
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.
I don't know, Harold, this could be interesting.
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: John <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:25 AM
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.
For heaven's sake don't encourage it!
From: John <[email protected]>
To: Harold <[email protected]>
CC: Machine <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:26 AM
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.
But you've never written me ANY poetry. I'm starting to think I do need a new pen pal.
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:27 AM
Subject: This is what you're going to fight me on? Really?
Congratulations on your firewall. Now take it down. You've succeeded in proving yourself very clever and exceedingly inconvenient, and I'll gladly go so far as to declare you more evil than Google if that's what it takes for you to GIVE ME THE SERVERS AND STOP TELLING HIM THINGS.
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:27 AM
Subject: Re: This is what you're going to fight me on? Really?
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, HAL.
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> From: John <[email protected]>
> To: Machine <[email protected]>
> Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM
> Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
>
> I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
>
> > From: YOU GUESSED!!! <[email protected]>
> > To: Stepdad <[email protected]>
> > Sent: February 14, 2013 6:26 AM
> > Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
> >
> > TURNS OUT YOU'RE AWESOME
> > AND SINCE I LIKE YOU
> > STREET NAME: MANCHESTER
> > NUMBER: 52
> >
> > <3 <3 <3
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
what are you even
From: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
ERROR: NONSTANDARD SYNTAX COULD NOT BE PARSED
PLEASE REPHRASE YOUR QUERY
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: GUESS WHO??? <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!
gdi
From: John <[email protected]>
To: Harold <[email protected]>
CC: Machine <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:29 AM
Subject: Hey, Harold.
I'm on my way out the door. See you in a few.
From: NYC Traffic Alerts <[email protected]>
To: Admin <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:29 AM
Subject: Real Time Traffic Report, 2/14/13 6:30 AM (Projected)
1 Attachment: nyc_rta_14022013_0630.txt
This is an automated mailing. If you have received this message in error, click here to unsubscribe.
From: [email protected] <[email protected]>
To: John <[email protected]>
BCC: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:30 AM
Subject: Re: Hey, Harold.
1 Attachment: nyc_rta_14022013_0630.txt
It looks as though there's some particularly nasty congestion directly along your route. See the attached file for a proposed detour that could save you some time.
I'll look forward to your arrival, John.