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Your Heart Keeps Me Grounded

Summary:

Cas has had an irrational fear of storms since he became human.
He knows that it's irrational.
But he still fears the loud noise and the panic.
There's only one thing that helps him stay calm...

The song that Dean Winchester's heartbeat sings.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The little flashes started first,

then the drizzling rain,

then the booming thunder...

 

And soon to follow,

Castiel's pleading cries for help.

 

Dean awoke to the screaming coming from the helpless ex-angel. This wasn't the first time this had happened either. It happens too often. Seemingly with every little thing that goes bump in the night. The eldest Winchester couldn't blame him though. It must be overwhelming. Having the whole world in his hands, having everything in control... When all of a sudden, it was cruelly ripped away from him. Tossed out of his home. No help, or anything for that matter. Castiel was alone, or so he thought.

Dean ripped off his blankets, stood, and ran to where Cas was sleeping. When Dean opened the door he was greeted with a fragile, shaking being who was dripping with sweat.

"It's alright, Cas. Do I need to go over this again? It's just loud noise. It can't hurt you." Dean explained calmly, but slightly irritably.

Castiel gasped for air, his breaths coming raspy and thickly. "I... I know, Dean. I don't know what it is but I just... It's overwhe-"

Cas was cut off by a blast of thunder, which sent him reeling. Rough sobs began shaking him more. Tears and sweat mixing, then pouring down his face in asymmetrical streaks. Dean couldn't say that he didn't feel bad, because he felt pretty damn awful.

So he did the one thing he knew worked.

 

Dean trudged over and stood by Castiel. He picked up Cas' shaking, cold hand, and placed it directly above his heart.

Dean had no idea why, but whenever he tried to calm himself down, this worked. Whether it be Sammy's heart, or his own. As long as something was telling him that he, or somebody else was alive and well...

All would be okay.

 

Cas squinted and cocked his head in confusion before he felt it. The steady pulsating of Dean Winchester's heartbeat, which was a major difference from his own. Castiel's heart was racing and kicking against his ribcage like he'd run a marathon in one stretch. Dean's was at a much calmer, steadier pace. Dean brought his other hand to Cas' throat. Two fingers feeling a handful of reassuring, fast pulsations. 

Something in Cas snapped, and needy hands gripped at Dean. Attempting to pull him forward. Cas practically yanked Dean down so he could place an ear to Dean's strong chest.

Dean didn't argue, so he just wrapped his arms around Cas' back.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean began. "Let me lay down, it'll be easier that way."

Cas reluctantly peeled himself away from Dean, so that Dean could lay beside him. Dean carefully pulled the sheets back over his and Castiel's legs as he laid down. He tenderly beckoned Cas to rest against his exposed chest, which Cas quickly did.

 

"D-Dean." Castiel called after a few minutes.

Dean grunted in response.

"I can feel your heart beating against my cheek."

"You can? Can you hear it too?" Dean prompted. He felt what he assumed was a slight nod against his chest.

"The rate is slightly elevated, Dean. Are you scared too?" Cas innocently asked.

"No, Cas. I'm worried and feel bad as hell that you're scared. You're having a panic attack or some shit."

"I'm not sure it's quite that bad."

There was silence for a few moments, until Dean broke it. "Let me assess you. I'll tell you if it's that bad."

"Okay Dean." Cas consented.

 

"Lay on your back for me. I'll ask some questions while I physically assess you. Answer yes or no, got it?" Dean instructed gently as he sat up.

"Okay." Cas replied.

Dean grabbed Cas' arm and held it up, watching his fingers tremble. "Do you feel like you're dying?"

"I'm not sure what dying should feel like." Cas replied as Dean put his arm down.

"Okay, well... Are you dizzy? Can you see well? Does it feel like you can't breathe? Does your stomach feel weird?" Dean asked like rapid-fire.

"Um. Yes, no, yes, and yes?" Cas answered.

Dean watched Cas breathe, before he finally leaned over to glue his own ear to Castiel's damp, button-down shirt.

 

An erratic, rapid, and loud pounding noise filled Dean's head. He felt Cas hyperventilate heavily against his cheek and temple. It was certain that Castiel was having a panic attack.

"Cas, buddy." Dean said worriedly as he sat up. "I need to help you calm down. You're gonna faint or something if you keep this up."

Castiel looked at his friend desperately. "H-How?"

Dean laid back down, and pulled Cas on top of his chest. "Like this."

 

"Do you hear it, Cas?"

"I do." Cas sighed shakily. "It's just, so fast right now." He pointed out the obvious, while listening to the frantic beating beneath his ear. "My apologies, Dean. That's my fau-"

"You shut up. It's not your fault. You can't help it." Dean snapped back. "You just listen to my heart until you're calm. Got it?"

"Understood." Castiel gulped before adding; "But I want you to listen to my heartbeat until I'm calm then too. It would make me feel better, and not quite as selfish."

Dean breathed out heavily. "Will you be okay until I can get to the infirmary and back with a stethoscope? Or do you need to come with me?"

"I'll come with you, Dean."

 

The two men raised off the bed, and started walking toward the door. Another lighting flash showed through the curtains, which sent Castiel into another panic. Dean quickly grabbed the ex-angel's hand and pulled him close.

"It's all okay, Cas. I've got you."

 

They walked down the hall, the strong and sturdy figure of a Winchester, and the trembling figure of a petrified ex-angel. They paced all the way down to the infirmary, hand-in-hand. Lighting did strike, and thunder did blast, but Dean kept Cas safe and sound.

When they reached the small room, Dean stepped in first, with Castiel following shortly after. Dean let go of Cas' hand to open a nearby drawer. Dean gazed inside to find the glinting metal of a stethoscope. It's tubing was baby blue, with a few scuffed spots on it. It was probably quite old, seeing as the bunker hadn't been occupied for years before the Winchester boys took it over.

Dean draped the stethoscope around his neck, while Cas stood waiting for him. Dean turned back towards the exit. "Ready?" He asked with a gentle smile.

"Yeah." Cas smiled back as he replied.

 

Dean reached for Castiel's hand again, and they slowly walked back to Cas' room. They laid back on the bed, and Dean tucked them both back in. Cas motioned towards the stethoscope as he unbuttoned his slowly drying shirt. Dean put the tips in his ears and grabbed the bell. Cas was still breathing heavily, and Dean was almost nervous to hear how terrified Cas actually was again.

"Where do I put it?" Dean questioned, realizing he knew nothing about the heart or it's anatomy.

Cas held out his shaky hand, and Dean placed the bell down into it. Cas then lifted it to his chest and pressed down over his apex. Dean placed his hand over Cas' as he guided Cas to lay back down on his own chest.

 

Thunder shook the room once more, and Castiel's heart jumped and skipped. Cas apologized and Dean shushed him.

"Your heart is racing." Cas blatantly stated the obvious.

"So is yours."

"It is."

 

They laid there for moments, breathing in each other's scent and listening intently to the beat of the other's heart. Both rushing quick like a river rapid. Dean's for worry and sadness, and Cas' for fear. He dipped in and out of panic as the storm slowly but surely passed. 

Castiel finally broke the vocal silence. "I never meant to drag you into this. I give you my deepest apologies."

"Castiel, you're not dragging me into anything. I'm doing this with my own free will. Okay?" Dean sternly explained. "I'm calming you down, and I'm not leaving until you're mentally stable, got it?"

Cas nodded against Dean's chest.

 

The panic in Cas was subsiding quickly, as was the storm that was once raging outside. As the panic washed away, it was replaced with sleepiness. Cas nuzzled a little closer to Dean, if somehow possible. Dean's heartbeat was singing a perfect lullaby for him to listen to, and he wanted to hear it forever. His vision was becoming blurred and fuzzy as the tiredness overtook him. Cas whispered Dean's name as the darkness finally drowned him, throwing him into a peaceful sleep.

Dean knew he had fallen asleep, for Cas' heart rate slowed quite dramatically and his muscles loosened. Dean's throat tightened slightly, choked up and relieved that Cas was no longer struggling. Instead, the ex-angel looked peaceful cuddled up to him.

 

"Sleep, Cas." Dean whispered to the sleeping man. He listened to Cas' fragile heart beating through the old stethoscope, not wanting to move. "I won't go anywhere. Let my heart ground you whenever you need. I will be here."

Notes:

This is my first cardiophile fanfic. I don't know how well this worked out. Feedback would most be appreciated. I tend to be super harsh on myself, and I can't properly judge my own work, or I just end up getting upset and hating it.
Constructive criticism would be helpful. :)
Thank you for reading/commenting/leaving a kudos!

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