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They were sleeping how they'd slept for the past few weeks now. Dean Winchester on his back, with his ex-angel half laying on top of his chest. Cas could only fall asleep while like that, listening to Dean's heartbeat. Otherwise, Castiel would wake up in a complete and utter panic. Dean didn't mind so much though, he almost liked it now. It was comforting having someone always there.
Sometime late in the night, Cas woke from an adrenaline spike. Not uncommon for him to do. He gasped for breath as a panic attack gripped tight at his insides with unrelenting force. Cas grabbed at Dean's sleep shirt with a death grip, and wasn't about to let go. Dean roused from his deep sleep, knowing exactly what was happening.
"Cas, it's gonna be okay." Dean whispered groggily as he moved his hand up to Castiel's head of dark, chestnut-colored hair.
Cas took three or four shaky breaths before replying; "I know."
"Is there anything I can do?" Dean asked compassionately.
"Just," Cas started, "Just hold me and don't let go."
Dean held Cas a little tighter as he said, "Got it."
Castiel was becoming used to riding out attacks that struck him in the dead of night. Sure, it still was hell, but Cas was less afraid of them happening now. Dean was always there for him. Dean never failed to be as kind as humanly possible, even though Cas felt he didn't deserve it. Dean never argued or complained, he just helped. There was no better man to take care of a fallen angel, than Dean Winchester himself.
Cas panted against Dean's chest, lungs burning and weak. His heart was kicking into his ribs at an alarming rate. He felt dizzy and nauseous. Cas felt disconnected, like he was watching from somewhere else yet feeling everything happen. It was like everything and nothing all at once, and it was fucking terrifying. Strange, how a person could grow to feel as though this was normal. An everyday occurrence.
Dean stayed calm as he began stroking Cas' hair. "You hanging in there alright? I feel your heart hammering on my side, and it's pretty damn fast."
"Isn't it always though?" Cas nervously chuckled into Dean's shirt.
Dean smirked a slight bit. "I suppose that's true."
Cas felt the anxiety easing just a slight bit, so he sat up. He looked straight into Dean's emerald eyes. "Thank you."
Dean gently placed a hand onto Castiel's neck and dug two fingers into his carotid artery, beginning to assess him. "Anytime, Cas." Dean then watched Cas' chest, counting his breaths. He asked Cas a handful of basic after-panic questions, such as 'where are you?' and 'what's my brother's name?' to make sure he was calming. For Cas is unable to remember simple things such as that during an attack.
After the mini assessment, Dean pulled Cas back onto his chest in hopes that they could fall asleep soon again. Dean shifted Cas' head so his ear was directly above his heart so that Castiel could hear it clearly. "Is that good?" Dean questioned.
"Yes. I hear it perfectly." Cas sighed.
"Mm, what's it sound and feel like tonight?" Dean asked, knowing that Cas would talk himself to sleep.
Cas giggled. "Do you wish for me to be poetic or realistic?"
Dean made a face as he pondered. "How about both?"
"Realistically, it sounds like a thud or thump every second or so. And it feels like someone is repeatedly lightly pressing into my cheek every time there's a thud." Cas silenced for a minute, before speaking again. "Poetically, I'd say that your heart sounds like a beautiful wave crashing into a rocky shore." He began speaking more sluggishly as he drifted a little closer to sleep. "And it feels like the hop of a newborn bunny."
Dean stifled a laugh as he patted Cas' head. "Beautiful."
Dean laid still as he felt Castiel's muscles relax as he fell into the dream world of glitter and gumdrops. He reached for Cas' wrist, and felt his radial pulse. Dean sighed as he counted the slow and steady beat of Cas' heart. Dean cherished the moments where he could feel Castiel's heart this slow. He wanted to hear it but he didn't want to wake the sleeping man.
Dean then remembered the stethoscope from the night with the storm that he had shoved into the nightstand drawer. He carefully moved one arm awkwardly to the drawer so he could grab the damn thing. He succeeded, probably looking like an idiot while doing so, but he achieved what he wanted. Dean carefully heated up the chilled metal on his thigh before placing the tips in his ears, and ever so carefully placing it on Cas' sternum.
The calm sound of Cas' slow heartbeat filled Dean Winchester's ears. It sounded beautiful, and there was no denying it. Dean knew that this was a precious moment to keep in the back of his mind. After half an hour of being lulled by the throb resonating from Castiel's chest, Dean fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.
-
Castiel woke in the morning before Dean. He went to sit up, but was tangled up in Dean's arms, and a foreign object. Cas muttered a curse in Enochian in fear of waking Dean. Cas looked down at Dean's face and smiled as he realized what the object was. Cas then laid back down, and placed the stethoscope bell back on his chest.
"Just a little longer." Cas whispered to a sleeping figure of the eldest Winchester.