Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Victory.

Conductor gingerly placed the sparkling trophy in its rightful spot and tried to ignore the obnoxious silver one next to it. If only it weren't for those two silver ones, those two pecking lost awards! He'd have a wall of gold in front of him, a perfect record!

He turned his head, looking over to where a certain penguin was placing the spoils of his significantly less significant victory in his own case. A wall of silver with two specks of gold. Both of their trophy shelves would look so much better if not for those two years! Conductor would have the beautiful, unbroken win streak he deserved and Grooves would have the pathetic rows of silver that he deserved!

But at least Conductor had gotten it this year.

He smirked.

"Congratulations, Grooves", he called out. "Nice to see ya back where ya belong!"

The penguin smiled brightly. "Oh no, I am the one who should be congratulating you, darling. I'd been worried that you had lost your spark after that abyssal failure last year."

Oooh. In a fighting mood, are we? Conductor could definitely help with that!

"Dinnae worry about me, peck neck! Even if Ah had lost me spark, Ah could still beat ya!"

"Really? Strange, I wonder how these two gold awards got into my trophy case then..."
And the penguin rubbed his chin in mock confusion.

"Aye, Ah've been wondering about that, too. How about ya hand them over?"

"In your dreams, darling!"

Conductor scoffed.
"Ya must have been dreaming if ya really thought yer flashy drug trip of a movie could beat me masterpiece. Ah'm surprised ya even got second with that drivel!"

"Oh, your movie was a masterpiece? Thank you for telling me, darling, I wouldn't have noticed."

"That's because ya wouldnae recognize a good movie if it bit ya on the beak!"

They'd been slowly closing in on each other with every sentence. Now they were about five inches apart, staring right at each other.

"Maybe ya ought to get started on yer movie right away. Who knows - if ya have a seven-month headstart, ya might actually create something halfway decent fer once!"

"Maybe you ought to start planning your script right away. It'll take you seven months at least to come up with an original plot."

Peck, the Conductor loved to argue with Grooves.

The trade of insults, the fierce glares, the knowing smirks. His own words always straight to the point, a knife to the heart, Grooves' words cunning and sweet like poisoned wine. Every quip met with a flawless response, a textbook case of good improvisation, no hesitation. Nobody else could match the Conductor like Grooves could, nobody else could respond so quick, so perfectly, so sharply. It was the one thing the pecking penguin was actually good at.

"At least me movies have a plot! What was the plot of yers? 'Some guy exists in a colorful environment'? The audience must have been on the edge of their seats fer that one!"

Grooves knew how to rile him up and Conductor knew how to rile Grooves up. Together they could fan any conversation into a roaring fire.

"And your audience? Probably busy covering their ears to shut out your sorry excuse for background music."

Arguing with the owls was no fun. They always gave in after one sentence or two. Sometimes they ran away. Even the few who had the courage to argue back only ever came up with grade school level replies. He was genuinely surprised that none of them had ever used the 'I'm rubber, you're glue' line on him.

"Go and make music videos then! What are ya even doing in the movie business, ya peck neck?! Go back to yer night club if ya want music that badly!"

"Oh, but then I'd have to deal with rude drunkards insulting me. Oh wait!"

He wondered if Grooves enjoyed it, too. He had to, right? He put so much fervor into it.
"Maybe stop being such a peck neck then, and then Ah wouldnae have to insult ya all the time."

"But then what would you do with all that free time, darling?"

...That was a good one. Peck, Conductor genuinely didn't know.
"Make movies, of course! Flood the market until nobody even remembers that yer second-rate rubbish ever existed!"

"As if you have that many ideas left."

"Ah have more ideas now than ya had in yer entire life!"

"Shame they're all bad."

A soft chuckle interrupted their argument. Conductor blinked and turned his head, ready to tear into whoever had dared to interrupt them.

But when he spotted the intruder standing in the doorway, that anger evaporated immediately. Next to him, Grooves gasped in shock and delight.

She was a bit taller than last time, but other than that... nothing had changed. The same get-up, the same hairdo, the same bright eyes. There she was, clear as day.

"Lassie!"

"Darling!"

The girl laughed.

"You know", she said, "I've just been to Mafia Town and that place sure has changed. But I see everything's the same around here."

"Not everything", Conductor said, pointing at the trophy case. "Slight difference over there, aye? Ya look good, lass! Gotten taller?"

Her face brightened and he laughed softly - two daughters and eight grandkids had taught him that telling a child they'd gotten taller was all but guaranteed to get good results. As if there were any other direction for them to go!

"It is good to see you again, darling", Grooves said, though he seemed a little hesistant. Conductor had walked right up to her - Grooves was trailing behind, smiling awkwardly.

If the girl noticed his hesitation, she didn't show it. And based on the bright grin she gave him, he didn't have anything to fear anyway.

"Good to see you, too! Congrats on the victory, Conductor, and congrats on second place, Grooves! Say, you guys didn't see a Time Piece anywhere, did you?"

A Time Piece? Hadn't she taken all of them with her?

He hadn't seen one of them since she had left and as far as he was concerned, that was just fine. Those things had been nothing but trouble.

"Did ya miss one? Ah dinnae think there's one around here."

She raised her hand, tapped her hat and frowned. Her eyes darted around, seemingly in search of something.

"...No, hat's not picking up anything either. Guess it's not here either. Peck."

Grooves gasped in shock and Conductor broke into laughter. Oh, he liked the lass, he really did!

"D-Darling, don't say..."

"Dinnae listen to him, lassie, ya say what ya want! Just 'cause he wouldnae swear if his life was on the line does nae mean ya can't do it!"

"Don't encourage her! Darling, you know that that isn't a good word."

"And I'm not in a good situation", she said flatly. "Bad words for bad situations. Makes sense to me."

A bad situation? Surely a single missing Time Piece wasn't that big of a deal, right?

Actually never mind, scratch that, remember what DJ Peckneck here tried to do with a single Time Piece? Very much a big deal, thank you.

Plus the whole thing with the red-hooded girl, which had admittingly included more than just a... hang on.

"Ya said ya were in Mafia Town already? Because the girl with the red hood, she's got a Time Piece!", he said. "Dinnae know how she got her grubby paws on it after we made her get lost, but..."

"Oh no, no. That one's fine. I gave her that one", she cut him off. "And I had a talk with her about it earlier today to see how she was handling it. I'm talking about a different one."

Oh. "...No, cannae help ya then."

"But please, darling, don't just stand in the doorway like that. Would you like a drink?"

The girl frowned. "...I really do need to... I mean, I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt."

"That's the spirit, lass!

And thus they found themselves sitting together, the kid cradling a comically oversized mug of hot chocolate in her hands while Conductor and Grooves sipped coffee. It felt strange to sit at the same table as his rival, without any hostile words to boot. But hey - they could act civilized for the sake of the girl, at least for a little bit. He was good at acting.

"So", he started, stirring sugar into his coffee and wondering if he should add some liquor from his flask to it to spice it up, "Ah have to admit, Ah'm a wee bit confused. Ya said ya're here for a Time Piece, but Ah thought ya use these to fuel yer ship? Didna think it would be, ya know... worth it to travel all the way back here fer a single one. Ya must have used up more than that just to get here."

Although then again, those things could do a lot of damage in the wrong hands. He'd seen that more than once.

"Actually, nevermind. Ah think Ah do understand."

She nodded and took a big gulp of chocolate.

"Yeah, turns out it's actually a lot worse. My boss told me a bunch of, con... conf... con-fi-dental? Dential. Confidential I think was the word he used. He told me a bunch of confidential stuff about the Time Pieces and, uh, I really need that thing back. Like, quickly."

Then her expression brightened. "But he was really nice about it! It was amazing! See, at first he was a bit upset with me when I got home because, you know, I was kind of late. But! Then I explained what had happened and guess what, I actually got a promotion and a pay rise!"

She was bouncing in place with sheer excitement. A few drops of hot chocolate spilled from her mug and soaked through the tablecloth.

"So now I'll get bigger and cooler missions and I get to know all kind of con-fi-dential stuff and my spaceship got an upgrade and so did my hat and Rumbi got an update too and I get free drinks in the office now and my own name badge and-"

"Woah, woah, woah. Slow down a little, lass!"

Conductor raised his hands. "Boss?! Promotion?! Ya have a job?!"

She blinked. Seemed to find absolutely nothing wrong with that.

"Yeah? It's mostly delivery - well, it was mostly delivery, because now like I said I get much cooler missions but yeah, I have a job! I work for a government branch called, uh, I don't think I can translate that into your language actually, but it's all about securing dangerous objects. And so far I've just been transporting stuff that was already deactivated but now I get to actually deal with the real stuff! Isn't that cool?!"

...

"...Uh... no, darling. That... that is horrifying", Grooves said flatly. "A child of your age shouldn't have any job, let alone one that puts you in danger!"

Another blink. This one slower.

"...But you guys made me work. Being an actor is a job, right?"

Conductor swallowed.

"Well, aye, but... there's a difference between a wee bit of acting and dealing with dangerous objects, lass!"

"You put me on a train that had a bomb on it! And you made me dodge fireworks on rooftops!"

Well, peck.

"Also, neither one of you paid me. And you", she pointed her thumb at Grooves, "tried to kill me and take my stuff, but I guess that wasn't really work-related."

And while Grooves grew pale and hastily stammered something incomprehensible, Conductor tried to find a reasonable answer to what she'd just said. Which failed, because the answer was quite simply 'it's different when I do it' and even he knew that that wasn't reasonable by any means.

"...Two wrongs dinnae make a right", was what he eventually settled on.

"Y-yes, what he said", Grooves agreed. "And, ah... darling, I want to apologize."
He shuffled in his seat. "I... what I tried to do was despicable and I am sorry. I took your property from you and then when you came to take it back I almost... almost k-killed you... because of greed and envy and selfishness and I know I can't undo it, but...", he took a deep breath, "I can apologize at least."

There was a moment of silence. Then the girl gave what was perhaps the last response Conductor would have expected: She just shrugged.

"It's fine. If I got hung up on every person who attacked me on this planet, I'd never have time for anything else again."

Grooves flinched slightly. "That, uh... ah. So that happened... frequently, then?"

"Oh yeah. Mustache Girl, the Mafia, the Snatcher, the Empress, that creepy queen, you, the goats... I guess that wasn't really their fault though. It's been a thing." She pointed her thumb at Conductor. "That's one of the few people who didn't do it."

Conductor smirked. "Ya heard that? That's because Ah'm better than ya, peck neck!"

Though truth be told, he hadn't helped her out of the goodness of his heart.

The truth was that after losing that award, he'd been somewhere between furious and depressed and would have likely spent the entire evening at his favourite bar if not for the fact that - three drinks in - he'd realized that his pocket watch was missing.
He'd gone back to the studio to search for it and had stumbled in on Grooves scheming. And fortunally, Grooves hadn't noticed that he suddenly had an audience.

"I... y-yes, I suppose I cannot even deny that for once", Grooves mumbled.

All Conductor had overheard, though, was that Grooves had stolen one of the girl's hourglasses, that the hourglasses were called Time Pieces and that they apparently had some kind of power that could be released by breaking it. And he'd told the lass about that not because it was the right thing to do, but because it would ruin Grooves' day. That had been the goal: Wreck whatever Grooves was planning, ruin the blooming friendship between the penguin and the girl and make sure that Grooves' victory would be overshadowed by the fallout.

It wasn't until after the phone call that the worries had set in. What if the girl got hurt? Grooves wasn't the kind of guy who would hurt a child... but then again, Grooves had already proven willing to steal from a child. Who knew what else he'd stoop to? And if the girl did get hurt... it would have been Conductor's fault to some extend because he had sent her there.

"Ah'm always better than ya and ya know that."

So he'd gone to the studio, he'd gone to the basement and had found... Grooves and the lass talking peacefully, a little 'heart-to-heart' as Grooves had called it. And he had almost left, because clearly there was no danger here. They were talking it out, no need to be worried.

But he had stayed. And had overheard all of it. Grooves accusing him of cheating (as if he would ever sink that low! As if he'd ever need that!), Grooves wanting to use the Time Piece to go back in time and steal Conductor's hard-earned awards! And when the lass had said no (good girl) he had strapped a bomb, his bomb, to her back.

He'd done his part to help her out and then she had wiped the floor with that no-good peck neck. She'd taken the Time Piece, thrown a quick 'thank you' his way and had run off.

"That I can deny. And I will."

But after that... somehow, things had just gone back to normal.

Not immediately, of course. Oh no. The Conductor had given Grooves a very thorough talking-to, which had been more of a screaming-to and had included more instances of the word 'peck' than even Conductor normally considered acceptable. He'd torn into Grooves until the penguin had broken into tears.

Then - and he still wasn't entirely sure why - he had tended to Grooves injuries. Not gently, mind you - looking back, he suspected that it was at least partly his fault that the penguin couldn't quite raise his left arm over his head anymore. But he had still taken the time to disinfect and bandage his rival's injuries when he probably should have been calling the police.

Which he hadn't done, not even after all wounds were taken care of.

And then things had gone back to normal. Somehow. Some way. He wasn't sure how that had happened, why he'd just accepted the whole thing like that, but he had. And it seemed that the same went for the lass.

The lass in question rolled her eyes and emptied her mug.

"Stop arguing", she said, in the tone of somebody who knows perfectly well that it wasn't going to happen. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve and missed a spot on her chin.

"Thanks for the apology. It's fine. It happened, it's over now and I kicked your butt anyway."

Grooves' reply, whatever it had been, was drowned out by Conductor's roaring laughter.

Chapter Text

It took her four days to pinpoint the location of the missing Time Piece. And by 'pinpoint' she meant 'very loosely guesstimate'.

She had checked all of Subcon with the (reluctant) help of the Snatcher. She'd searched the mountains with the much less reluctant help of the goats and nomads. She had boarded the newly build SS Absolutely Guaranteed To Sink, which had not sunk and had actually been rather pleasant. She had even gone back to the metro, albeit very very carefully.

No results. Which, given what she'd been told, was both pretty bad and unfortunally expected. She was pretty sure she had it now, though. At the very least, she knew the vague location.

And now she had to make a phone call.

She searched for the number (fortunally her spaceship permanently saved the numbers of all incoming calls) and dialed. There was no waiting: The person on the other end picked up immediately.

"...Owl Express, Conductor speaking."

There was the faint sound of a rumbling train in the background.

"Hey Conni, it's me! Listen, does your train go to the desert?"

A moment of silence.

"...Okay, first of all, dinnae call me Conni. Do ya mean the outskirts of the desert or do ya want to go deeper?"

"Uh, deeper. Middle desert. Desert central. Whatever it's called."

"That's a bit tricky, but Ah can arrange fer something. Do ya need a ride back as well and if so, when exactly?"

"Uh, no, no ride back. Once I've got the Time Piece, I'll just warp back to my ship."

"Ah, so ya found yer Time Piece?"

She nodded before remembering that he couldn't see her.

"Yeah, it's somewhere out there."

Silence again, filled with steady rumbling.

"...Somewhere out there? So ya dinnae know the exact location? Lass, do ya know how to travel through a desert?"

"Don't worry! My hat shows me the way!" And now it was more reliable than ever. Once she was in the desert, she'd be able to find the Time Piece pretty quickly. Two days, tops.

"Ah'm nae even going to try and unpack that. What Ah meant was... hang on, stop's coming up, need to slow down. What Ah meant was, do ya know how to actually travel through the very specific environment of a desert? Do ya know how to deal with the heat, how to find water in a pinch, do ya know what predators live out there and how to deal with them? Do ya know how to deal with a scorpion sting?"

...

She blinked. Through the phone, she heard the screechy sound of brakes being pulled.

"Uh..."

"Is that a no?"

"Is it really that complicated?" Her home planet didn't have deserts. She knew they were sandy and warm, but... it wasn't that bad, right?

"Aye. Take it from me, lass, ya dinnae want to go into a desert without preparation. Ya're a capable girl, but that does nae make ya immune to dehydration."

"Oh." Alright, so she needed to bring a lot of water, then? That didn't sound too complicated. "What is a scorpion?"

"Dangerous animal. Tell ya what: Ah'll come along. Ah know me way around the desert like no other!"

Her first response was to balk. Trusting people had not gone well for her last time she'd been on this planet. But then again, Conductor had been one of the precious few who had not tried to kill her over a Time Piece and it wouldn't hurt to have somebody helping.

"...Okay!"

A soft chuckle. "Ya'll nae regret it, lass. Dinnae worry about packing anything, Ah'll get a backpack ready fer ya. Do ya sleep hanging or lying?"

...What? "I, uh, I sleep lying down?"

"Ah, ye're a bed person. Alright, Ah'll pack a camping mat fer ya. Any food allergies?"

That she could answer. "No."

"Great. The train station at the studio is probably best fer ya. Ya got a specific time in mind?"

"As soon as possible." Because if the Time Piece really was somewhere in the desert with nobody around...

She swallowed as she remembered what her boss had told her. Actually yes, having a second person around was a great idea. Who knew what was waiting for her out there?

"Got ya. It'll have to wait until tomorrow though, since Ah need to pack our stuff and get somebody to drive the train while Ah'm gone. If ya want the earliest train, come to the studio at 7 in the morning tomorrow!"

Ugh, that was so early. But she'd asked for it.

"I will. Thank you!"

"No problem, lassie!"

Click.

Huh. That had gone really well actually. She had a ride and a guide and didn't even need to pack her own stuff. Why couldn't things always work out that well?

...

Something was going to go horribly wrong, wasn't it.

Ah well. That was a problem for the future. Right now, she needed to clean up a bit, have dinner and get to bed on time so she could get up nice and early tomorrow. What? Just because she was a kid didn't mean she couldn't be responsible! She was super responsible!

She also went to bed two hours later than planned, but that was completely unrelated.

Next morning came and it came way too quickly. She woke up groggy, sleepwalked her way through the spaceship, knocked back two bowls of cereal, brushed her teeth and hopped down to the studio.

The sun was slowly rising - the horizon was dyed a dark pink and a golden glow was slowly stretching over the distant mountains. But that faint golden glow combined with the two flickering lanterns that adorned the train station was enough to illuminate the two people standing in the shadow of the train.

The Conductor and DJ Grooves. Arguing, naturally.

These two. It was almost cute how much they seemed to loathe each other. They argued like they'd die otherwise, they fought like other people breathed. She wondered what would happen if you seperated them for a month or two. They'd probably go insane.

"...dumbest idea ya ever had, and that's saying a lot!"

"You've said that already. You're still not talking me out of this."

"Do ya just not understand what Ah'm saying, is that it?! Is it me accent? Do Ah need to write it down for ya?! Ya will..."

"Hey guys!", she said and gave them a wave. Conductor looked over and a wave of relief flushed over his face.

"Ah, lass! Can ya please explain to this braindead peck neck that he cannae join us?!"

She blinked. Grooves wanted to join as well? Really?

Once again, a moment of hesitation. Grooves had betrayed her over a Time Piece and while she'd forgiven him, she hadn't forgotten it. But he had helped her in the end and he had apologized, which was more than could be said about most others.

"Why not?", she asked. "I wouldn't mind it."

"See? She wouldn't mind it."

Conductor actually growled.

"Ye. Are. A. PENGUIN! Penguin! Desert! Nae good! What part of this are ya not getting, Grooves?!"

"I am more capable than you take me for, darling. And stubborn enough to match you."

"Ya cannae outstubborn the sun!"

"If I can outstubborn you then I can outstubborn literally everything else."

Hat Kid sighed. This was going to take a while, wasn't it?

"Ah'm flattered, but ya cannae compare me to nature itself. Have ya ever been in the desert before?!"

Grooves crossed his arms and looked down at his rival.

"Yes, in fact. Multiple times."

"Outskirts dinnae count! Ah'm talking about the desert proper! The part that gets hot!"

"No moving the goal posts, darling. I've done my homework, I've packed everything I need-"

"Oh, did ya?! What do ya have in yer backpack, then?!"

"Water and food for four days, a camping mat, a sleeping bag, water purification pills", Hat Kid saw a flash of surprise on Conductor's face at that, "spare clothes, a pocket knife and a flashlight."

"...Failed to pack a first aid kit. And ya should have brought a lighter."

"I think I did well enough. And..."

Grooves took a deep breath. "I know I have apologized and that my apology has been accepted. But for what's it worth, I'd feel better if I had earned it. So I am doing this because I want to make up for my mistake. I tried to keep a Time Piece from her, so now I am going to help her recover one. And I am not stupid. I know what a desert is, darling. Insult me all you want, but do not underestimate me, Conductor."

...

Conductor threw his hands up.

"...Fine. Fine! Alright! But dinnae expect me to take care of ya when ya inevitably keel over! Ah'm nae going to lift a finger to help ya, understood?!"

He turned around, then paused.

"...Also ya're paying fer a ticket. Ya're not getting on me train fer free. I cannae believe Ah'm letting ya on at all."

Grooves smirked and held out a handful of pons.

"First class, please."

"Ah hate ya."

"I know."

And with that, Conductor slid the train door open and gestured for them to come inside.

There were a few passengers inside - mostly owls, but also some mafia and a single subconite. The owls turned their heads in shock at the sight of DJ Grooves entering the Owl Express unopposed.

Conductor led them to the front of the train. First class was even emptier than the rest, housing only a small group of crows, a black cat and... somebody who was the Conductor's spitting image in almost ever way. A little smaller and clad in a dark green suit, but otherwise identical.

The smaller conductor saluted.

"Are we ready?", and her voice was much higher and softer than his.

"Aye." And, turning towards Hat Kid: "That's me younger daughter, me lil' princess. She'll be handling the train fer me while Ah'm gone."

The woman gave another salute.

"Pleasure to meet ya, lass! Ah'll go get the train started!", she said and disappeared through the door into the engine. A few seconds later, speakers crackled as an announcement was made:
"Dear passengers, we are leaving the station. Please step away from the doors."

Conductor smiled as he gestured towards a few seats.

"She's doing such a good job", he said happily. "Me eldest never really took to it, but she's a whiz with the train. Gonna inherit it one day! Here, take yer seat, dinnae want ya to fall over."

The seat was large and super soft. Hat Kid dropped into it and gave it a testing bounce.

"This is almost as good as the seat on my ship!"

Grooves settled in next to her and raised a brow as he sat.

"...These are comfortable. Not bad, Conductor."

"First class is worth the price! Larger seats, more legroom, electric outlets and if me filming makes ya late by thirty minutes or more, ya get yer ticket refunded completely! Real popular during movie season!", Conductor bragged and sat down in the seat across from her. Then he got up again, reached up into the luggage rack and pulled out a simple but sturdy-looking backpack.

"This here is me own backpack. Fer the record, that's where the first aid kit is, so if ya get injured, come to me. And this", he reached up again, "is yer backpack."

And he pulled out the single most enourmous hiking backpack she had ever seen. It was big and green and stuffed so full that it was practically a sphere. The fasteners were visibly straining from the burden. It was so full and heavy that Conductor needed both hands to pull it down and still nearly tripped.

Grooves' beak fell open. He looked down at his own rather small backpack, then at Conductor's medium-sized one, then at Hat Kid's gigantic one.

"You... you can't be serious. How is she supposed to carry that?!"

Excuse me?! Hey, that was rude! But before she could say something, Conductor answered for her: "Ah have seen this girl carry a fully-grown walrus. With one hand."

The penguin blinked slowly.

"...That can't be true."

"It is so true! I totally did that! I could pick you up right now and I will if you don't believe me!"

Grooves quickly raised his hands in surrender.

"No, no, I believe you. I just... wasn't expecting that." And in a slightly quieter voice, he added: "Although given how hard you can hit, maybe I should have known..."

Darn right you should have known!

"What's in there anyway?", she asked.

"Mostly water. Cannae have enough of that. Ah got a tarp fer sleeping under, a camping mat and a sleeping bag fer ya. Uh... Ah was wondering: When we're done here and ya warp back up to yer spaceship, would ya mind taking the backpack with ya and dropping it off at the studio later? That way Ah dinnae have to carry it back on me own."

"...You do realize I can just take you up to the spaceship and drop you off at the studio?"

"...Oh. No, Ah didna realize that. That's much easier then."

Grooves leaned back in his seat. He was visibly enjoying the ride and the smug grin on his beak told her that it was only partly because of the ride itself - seemed like the sheer knowledge that he was on his rival's train, where he'd likely never be allowed under normal circumstances, was raising his spirits.

"Where precisely are we headed to, anyway? Our dear Conductor here was a little too busy shouting at me to give any details."

"Ah was trying to keep ya from getting yerself killed. And from what Ah know, we're nae going anywhere in particular. Or has that changed?"

Unfortunally not. "No. Once we're there, my hat", she tapped it with her finger, "should lock onto the Time Piece and show me the way."

"Right, ya... mentioned that. So, here's the plan: The train does nae actually go deep into the desert nowadays, so me daughter's going to take us to an old part of the track that's nae in use anymore. She'll make a quick stop and let us jump out there. After that, we're on our own", he glared at Grooves, "so if ya want to back out, which Ah highly recommend, ya should do it before that happens."

"Not happening, darling."

She wondered why Conductor was so upset about him coming along. Well, apart from the whole 'rivals' thing, obviously. Was there some connection between penguins and deserts that she wasn't aware of? Her home planet had neither of those..

But speaking of issues... there was something these two really needed to know. Something that, come to think of it, she probably should have mentioned earlier. Oops?

"So, uh... I should probably tell you what the actual problem is."

Chapter Text

Conductor frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

"Ah thought the problem was that ya're missing a Time Piece?"

She shuffled in her seat.

"Weeell... yes. But, uh, my boss gave me some really confi-dential information about Time Pieces that, uh, that I didn't know about last time I was here."

She cleared her throat.

"The thing is... Time Pieces are pretty much just small containers of raw potential. They hold the power to change reality in a million ways, even retroactively", she said. It sounded like she was repeating something she'd been told and her brow was furrowed as she tried to remember it properly. "That potential can be used for productive things, like fueling machines or fast travel, but it can also be used for destructive things."

"Aye, we all saw that."

"But here's the thing: You know what else is a container of raw potential?"

"A movie reel", Conductor guessed. "A microphone", Grooves said.

She rolled her eyes. "No! Take this seriously!"

...He had meant it seriously.

"It's a person, guys. A sapient person holds a lot of potential."

Oh. That did make more sense.

"There's so many potential actions and choices and futures in a person, it's kind of difficult to believe. Everything else, animals and plants and rocks and stuff, has little to no raw potential at all, at least not compared to the levels that people and Time Pieces work at. It's like comparing a thimble full of water to an ocean. Now, when you have a Time Piece that is reasonably close to a sapient person, that kind of creates a balance."

She held her hands out in an attempt to mimic a scale.

"See, you've got potential here and potential there and the potential from the Time Piece has nowhere to go, so it stays in the Time Piece. It's kind of like... imagine if you had a bucket full of water and then drilled a hole into it. If there's water on the outside of the bucket as well, if it's standing in a river or something, then that works just fine. You can drill the hole no problem and the water stays in."

She dropped her left hand, unbalancing the scale.

"But if there's no water on the outside of the bucket, the water that's in the bucket will pour out of the hole. Likewise, if you put a Time Piece in an empty spot with no people around, there's lots of potential on the inside and little to no potential on the outside and then the Time Piece will kind of start to leak potential. That's called a Time Leak."

"...A time leak", Grooves repeated and she shook her head rapidly!

"No, a Time Leak. Say it properly."

"But that's what I said...?"

"So what's the issue with that?", Conductor asked. Obviously there had to be a problem with it. Also, did the lass have any idea what the word 'confidential' meant?

"I'm getting to that. Uh, where was I? Right, so."

She cleared her throat again.

"That Time Piece has been out there in a desert for a full year. That means it has almost definitely formed a Time Leak by now", she explained. "And that means there might be... weird stuff waiting for us when we reach it."

"What kind of 'weird stuff' do you mean, darling?"

She shrugged. Which was not a gesture you wanted to see in a moment like this.

"Time Leaks can... well, pretty much everything could happen. Raw unrestrained potential doesn't really have many, uh, boundaries. Apparently one of the most common outcomes is that the Time Piece will duplicate itself, which I guess explains why I came here with 40 and left with 55. I'd been wondering about that."

And it hadn't occurred to her that something might be wrong with that?!

"But apparently you can get some really weird stuff. A Time Leak left to its own devices might grow a jungle or revive an extinct species or just blow everything up. I'm pretty sure the weird purple flowers I fought in the mountains were caused by one and those brainwashed people into becoming evil. So, you know... that is a possible outcome."

...Excuse me?! He hadn't signed up for any part of that!

"And ya didna think to tell us about that earlier?!"

The girl flinched. "I'm sorry!"

"It's quite alright, darling", Grooves said quickly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Although, ah, I do agree that you should have told us earlier."

"Aye. We still would have come along, obviously", in fact even more so now that he knew that. No way was he letting the lass walk into that on her own! "But it would have been nice to know."

She blushed a little, stared down at her feet. The train rumbled as it slowed to a stop and the group of crows got up and headed to the door.

"...Sorry."

So they were going to encounter... what exactly? Impossible to know, apparently. Maybe it would be completely harmless or maybe it would try to bite their heads off. Conductor ran his hand over his chest, feeling for the knives hidden away in his jacket just to make sure they were still there.
Good. That made him feel a little bit better.

Alright. Deep breaths. You have enough knives to supply a small army and you've seen with your own eyes what the lass is capable off, multiple times. Between your knives and her umbrella, you can probably take on whatever threat is waiting for you out there. And who knows, maybe the peck neck can help out a little too.

If the threat showed up at night, that was.

The train started to move again and Conductor clenched his fists. Grooves, that stubborn, brainless, dim-witted, life-risking, advice-ignoring peck neck! In what universe was 'penguin plus desert' a reasonable combination?! The pecking moron was going to overheat!

Which wasn't his problem. Not his problem at all. Let that idiot overheat if he so desperately wants to! It's not your fault he's stupid!

But Grooves was idly looking out through the window, completely oblivious to his own stupidity. It had to be the movies - decades of making brainrotting feel-good movies with no conflict in sight had clearly blinded the penguin to the fact that the real world was different.

Conductor meanwhile had spent those decades making movies that focused exclusively on trains, deserts and the associated dangers and could spot any issue related to those topics from a mile away. Not that you needed to have extensive knowledge of those things to know that penguins didn't belong in the desert - that was basic common sense.

Which Grooves clearly didn't have.

Conductor suspected that Groves was underestimating the danger mainly because the warning had come from him. If it had come from anyone else, Grooves probably would have taken it seriously. But because it had come from the Conductor, Grooves had taken it as a personal attack - a mean-spirited jab at his constitution and capability rather than the very genuine and very serious warning it actually was.

Which, mind you, was a reasonable conclusion given Conductor's normal behaviour. But still!

It occurred to the Conductor now that he could simply have forbidden Grooves from getting on the train. It was his train. And there were no roads to the desert - Grooves wouldn't have been able to drive. He would have been forced to stay behind. Yeah, that would have worked out great. Peck, why hadn't he done that?!

But then again, Grooves was stubborn. He probably would have just snuck onto the train.

He glared over at his rival, who didn't even have the decency to acknowledge it. Instead, Grooves seemed quite entranced by the scenery outside, which was starting to get more dry and sandy. And hotter, although the train's air conditioning was doing a good job of masking that.

Conductor wondered if Grooves had any idea how hot it was actually going to get. He wasn't even dressed properly! He was wearing the same outfit as always, he was wearing platform shoes for peck's sake!

...He didn't care. He didn't care! What did it matter to him? If Grooves wasn't going to listen to reason then so be it!

...Fine, one more try.

"Next stop's yer last chance to back out, pe... Grooves", he said, biting back the swear at the last second. Maybe the peck neck would be slightly more likely to listen that way.

"I apprechiate your concern, but the answer is still no", Grooves said, not taking his eyes away from the window.

Well, he had tried.

Above them, the speakers crackled.

"Attention, passengers: We will be deviating from our usual route and making an unscheduled stop today. For yer own safety, we ask that you please remain in yer seats and do nae leave the train during this stop. We apologize fer the inconvenience."

Peck, she sounded so professional nowadays. It seemed like only yesterday that she'd squeaked unintelligible nonsense into the microphone, so eager to 'help' her grandfather with his work. He could still remember her bright smile every time he'd allowed her to check somebody's ticket.

And now both of his girls were all grown up and had little babies of their own, and one of them was the sweetest and most diligent housewife he'd ever seen and the other one was shaping up to be a worthy conductor of her own. He couldn't have been prouder.

"She is quite polite and well-mannered", Grooves remarked. "She must have gotten that from her mother."

Conductor, still lost in thoughts, smiled.
"Aye, her ma is a lovely woman", he said. Then the rest of the sentence caught up to him. "Hey!"

Grooves laughed and so did the lass.

"Face the facts, darling!"

"Ah am this close to kicking ya off the train! But we're almost there anyway, so there's no use in that."

And he gestured towards the window. Their detour had taken them into the desert proper and the scenery outside was one of yellow sand and orange rock. Sandy dunes stretched out between jagged mountains, twisted trees reached up towards a cloudless sky and the wind blew over dry grass and old bones.

A gasp from the girl. "Wow!"

Conductor puffed up with pride. Of course he wasn't taking credit for the beauty of the desert, but... this was his inspiration, his muse, and to watch as somebody saw it for the very first time was a pleasure.

"Impressed, lass?"

"Yeah! I wish my planet had those!"

"...Yer planet has no deserts?" Well, that explained why she'd tried to go straight in with no preparation. And speaking of preparation... "Ya might want to put on some sunscreen now, by the way. Ya dinnae have feathers to protect ya."

She nodded and he showed her which pouch held the bottle of sunscreen - the highest SPF he'd been able to find. The lass wasn't going to get skin cancer under his watch!

He watched as she squirted a generous amount into her palm and started to spread it on her arms.

"My planet is pretty cold", she explained. "I think it's further away from its sun than yours. The poles are so cold that nothing can live there."

"...I may be from the moon, but... you are from a completely different solar system, aren't you? I've never really thought about that", Grooves admitted. "Your home must be completely different from ours!"

"It is! All of our animals are different and we have almost no bugs! And... oh! We have four moons!"

"Four?!", Conductor repeated, incredulously. "Ya're kidding!"

"Am not! But they're pretty small and there's no penguins on them, so they're kinda boring."

"...I dinnae know, Ah can see some certain benefits there. No penguins, ya say?"

"Yes. But don't be silly, you don't want Grooves to be gone. You wouldn't have anyone to argue with."

Conductor laughed. "Ya got me there, lass!"

"Good to hear that I have some kind of use", Grooves said. "I do hope our little fights don't bother you too much, darling?"

She giggled and handed the sunscreen back.

"Little is not the adjective I'd use."

At that moment, the train began to slow down once again. Conductor glanced out.

"...We're there. Grab yer stuff and get ready, we need to jump out quick so we dinnae delay the train."

"Since when do you care about the schedule, darling?"

"Ah always care about it! Ah just care about me movies even more! Me train's extremely reliable when Ah'm nae filming, and that's most of the year!"

"Of course. Priorities."

He grabbed his backpack, the lass grabbed hers (and he marvelled at the DJs flabbergasted expression when she picked the enourmous bag up with no problem) and they headed to the door. By now, the train had emptied considerably and there were only a handful of passengers left, none of which paid much attention to them.

The doors slid open and they stepped out. Sand hit their feet.

And heat hit their bodies.

It struck them like a wall, like a club, like a punch to the face. Conductor could embrace it; heat never bothered him one bit. It wrapped around him like an old friend, hugged him tightly and asked why he hadn't visited in so long.

The other two, however...

The lass sucked in air through her teeth in shock and Grooves gasped.

"O-oh..."

Yeah, oh. But now it was too late: Behind them, the door closed and the train rumbled as it began to move again.

"Should have listened to me, peck neck."

"I... I am fine. I'll get used to it."

No, you won't.

"What about you, lass? Ya doing alright over there?"

The girl nodded. She had taken out her umbrella and her other hand was resting on the brim of her hat. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be concentrating on something.

Then her eyes snapped open, her head turned to the left and she stared down a point at the horizon with fire in her eyes.

"I'm locked onto the Time Piece! It's straight that way!"

There were beads of sweat forming on her forehead already, but she looked fine otherwise. She opened her umbrella with a flourish, held it up and gestured for them to get a move on.

"Come on, let's go!"

"Somebody is getting excited", Grooves said with a soft laugh. "That hat of yours is quite fascinating, darling."

"It is! There's technology in it!"

"Does it tell ya anything about how far away the thing is? Desert's pretty big."

A headshake. "No, unfortunally not. And this hat has a pretty big radius, so... it could be pretty far away. But the sooner we get going, the quicker we'll get there, right?"

"Aye. And then we get to deal with... jungles or monsters or brainwashing flowers or whatever the thing spawned into existence?"

"Exactly!"

She sounded way too excited about that. Which wasn't bad per se, but he'd have to set some things straight first.

"Alright, lass. Ya're a capable girl and Ah'm nae going to underestimate ya, but Ah know me way around here and ya dinnae, so Ah'm setting some rules now and Ah expect them to be followed. Understood?"

"Understood!"

"Same goes fer ya, Grooves. Ah'm serious. Ah know ya dinnae like me and that ya're gonna want to disobey simply because it's me, but ya need to follow these rules. Understood?"

A moment of hesitation. They stared at each other. Then Grooves looked aside and sighed.

"...Understood."

"Good. Here's the rules: Stay close to me, dinnae run ahead or lag behind. Dinnae run in general, we need to conserve energy. Stick close to the rocks and mountains fer shadow whenever possible. Dinnae touch anything without asking me first. Watch yer step - Ah've got antivenom fer every snake, spider and scorpion in the area in me first aid kit, but that does nae mean Ah want to use it. If ya do get injured, come to me right away. If Ah tell ya to stop, run, hide, freeze, shut up, anything like that, ya obey and ya do it immediately. Take these", and he reached out, opened a pouch on the girl's backpack and pulled out two bottles of pills, "frequently. Those are electrolytes in pill form and ya're going to need a lot of them. Ya're lucky the lass can carry so much, Grooves, otherwise Ah would nae have packed extra."

And he tossed one of the bottles towards Grooves, who caught it with surprising elegance. The other one he handed back to the girl.

"And the most important rule, the biggest rule of them all: Drink. Water. Always. Constantly. We've got a whole backpack full of water, which is a luxury most travellers dinnae have, and we're going to make use of it. Ya cannae drink too much water out here."

He crossed his arms. "Did ya get all that?"

Both the girl and Grooves nodded. Conductor nodded back.

"Alright then. Lead the way, lassie."

Chapter Text

A few hours later, they were deep in the desert, the train tracks were far behind them and the sun was bearing down.

The girl had taken her coat off, but between her umbrella and her hat, she seemed to be doing well enough. She was diligently drinking water, she made sure to stay in the shadow whenever possible and she had already successfully spotted and avoided two snakes. Conductor had to admit it, he was pretty proud of her.

Grooves was...

Well...

...Grooves wasn't dead yet.

He was actually doing surprisingly well. Not that Conductor would ever have admitted it out loud, but he could apprechiate how well Grooves was following the rules. He'd taken his jacket off pretty much instantly, he was drinking enough, he'd even taken an electrolyte pill earlier. Maybe he wasn't quite watching his step as diligently as Conductor would have liked, but then again, why would he? Any snake that tried to bite him would get a mouthful of platform shoe.

But of course, no amount of diligence could change the fact that Grooves was a penguin and had no business being anywhere near a desert.

They'd taken two breaks already, which had been enough for both the Conductor and the lass to recover their strenght, but Grooves was visibly starting to struggle. He kept having to pause to catch his breath. That led to him falling back, which led to him trailing behind, which meant that Conductor had to keep looking back to make sure he was still there, which was annoying.

"Snake!", the girl called out and Conductor looked around. He spotted a distinctively-colored serpent curled up in a crack in the rock.

"Good eyes, lass. We're gonna want to give that one a wide berth. Ya dinnae mess with a diamondback!"

They had to move away from the rocky walls to do so, which meant leaving the shadow for a few minutes. Conductor basked in what was a gentle and pleasant warmth for him, knowing fully well that most people wouldn't agree - including the people accompanying him right now.

"How are ya holding up so far, lassie?", he asked. "Ya tell me if ya need another break."

"I'm fine", she said, wiping the sweat off her brow. "I'm getting used to it, I think."

"Take a pill, ya've been sweating a lot. Get some salt back in there. What about ya, Grooves? Regretting yer choices yet?"

"You'd love that, wouldn't you? But I'll have to disappoint you, I am fine."

He didn't sound fine. He sounded like a bellows with asthma.

"Sure ya are. Drink more water before ya crumble to dust."

Grooves glared at him, but he obeyed.

"We're gonna reach Ember Outpost soon", Conductor said. "Old, abandoned village. Great fer filming, but the coyotes like to hide out in the ruins. They dinnae normally attack people, but it's still better to be a wee bit careful. We're going to talk loudly, that'll keep them at bay."

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you knew your way around the desert!", the girl said, at a much louder volume than normally. Conductor grinned and gave her a thumbs-up.

"Naturally! Ah've lived in the desert all me life!"

"You live out here?" She looked around. "Where?"

"Nae out here. Ah live in the outskirts, close to the end of the line. In fact, me house is the last stop. Me family has lived out there fer generations", he bragged. "Me great-grandfather's the one who built the Owl Express!"

"Ooh, so it's a family business. That's cool!"

They had made it back into the shadow - said shadow being provided not by natural stone, but by the crumbling remnants of a house. Bricks, untouched for decades, littered the ground and the girl hopped over them like they were stepping stones. Ember Outpost stretched out before them, the shattered remnants of what had once been a bustling village. Conductor saw a few shadows curled up in one of the less damaged houses, but the coyotes didn't seem like they wanted to make trouble.

"My parents don't really understand what I'm doing", she said. "They're farmers. They're proud of me, but they've never left the planet. They think space travel is a fad."

"That, uh... that is an interesting opinion", Conductor said. How could space travel be a fad? Wasn't there always more space to explore?

"They just don't see the point of travelling to other planets when there's a perfectly good one back home. But that reminds me, Grooves, they wanted me to tell you to go fuck yourself."

Grooves, who had caught up a little, tilted his head. "I don't quite know what that means, darling?", he said, raising his voice as well.

"Oh, it's what we use instead of peck."

"...Oh."

"They told me to tell that to a lot of people, actually", she continued. "I guess they didn't like how many times I almost got murdered."

And while Grooves made an undefinable noise of guilt and protest, Conductor just laughed.

"That's how parents are, lass, protective to a fault. Ah was the same with me girls when they were still little. Ah'm surprised they even let ya go back here."

"I mean... they weren't happy."

"Aye, Ah can believe that!"

A hint of movement behind a crumbled wall. Conductor kept his eyes on it and spotted a large spider scuttling out of a crack. A tarantula - scary-looking, but largely harmless.

"What about your family, Grooves?"

The penguin shrugged awkwardly.

"Not much to talk about there, to be honest. My mother is a housewife, my father has an office job. My childhood was... honestly pretty boring."

"Really?" She sounded sceptical. "You don't look like the kind of guy who had a boring childhood."

Grooves laughed. Conductor noticed how breathless it sounded.

"I'm afraid it's the truth, darling. Things didn't pick up until I started helping out at the local night club."

"That sounds cool, though! I've never been in a night club!"

"And I suggest you keep it that way, darling. They might be fun, but they're not meant for little girls. Too much alcohol, for starters."

He smiled as he seemed to get lost in thoughts for a few seconds.

"...I took over that night club after the owner retired. Had a few lovely years there."

"And ya shoulda stayed there", Conductor commented and climbed over what had once been a well. It had dried up ages ago and he'd boarded it shut after an owl had fallen into it during filming. Had ruined the entire take. "Would have saved us both a lot of trouble!"

"I couldn't have done that to the world. They needed somebody capable of making a decent movie."

"Oh, and ya thought ya were the right person fer the job? How's it feel to be so utterly wrong?"

"I wouldn't know. Why don't you tell me, darling, grant me some of your experience."

"Ha! Even if Ah gave ya all of me experience, ya'd still nae be able to make something worth watching! Sorry, peck neck, but ya cannae be helped by anything short of divine intervention."

"Just because you can't stand the sight of anything not loaded to the brim with worn-out clichés..."

"Better than trying new stuff at random and falling flat on me face every time! News flash, Grooves: If nobody else has done it before, that's probably 'cause it's a bad idea!"

"Do you hear yourself? And you have the gall to wonder why you're running out of ideas!"

"Ya shut up. Ya've never had a good idea in yer life!"

Grooves placed his hand on his chin in mock thoughtfulness. It would have been more effective if he hadn't been audibly panting. Maybe a loud, exhausting verbal argument wasn't the best idea right now - but Conductor wasn't going to surrender!

"Hm... remind me again what a good idea looks like, darling. Is it perhaps an action-packed western with an excessive focus on trains? That sounds like a very original idea. You should try making one of these."

Conductor crossed his arms. His claws got snagged on his left sleeve and pulled out a few threads.

"Make fun of it all ya want, Grooves. But when we're back home, Ah want ya to take a look at that trophy case of yers and remind yerself whose ideas have dominated the awards fer decades!"

"You two are cute together", said the girl.

...

"Wha-"

"No!"

"Excuse me?!"

"D-darling... what are you saying?!"

"Lass, are ya out of yer pecking mind?!"

"We are not... what... what would ever... give you that idea?"

They cut each other off, stumbling over their words as they tried to each say six different things at the same time. Cute? Cute?!

"No really, you are adorable", she said matter-of-factly. "You hate each other so much you somehow circled back to liking each other."

"We dinnae like each other!!"

She paused for a second, looking back at them.

"...Yes, you do."

They'd left the outpost behind by now, but the volume wasn't dropping - how could it?! As they marched onwards, a stretch of empty sand with no shadow in sight before them, Conductor tried to figure out just how the lass had arrived at such an utterly absurd and wrong conclusion.

"Lass, Ah think ya got a few wires crossed", he began. "Ah guarantee ya, Ah dinnae like this peck neck in the slightest. He's obnoxious, infuriating, hideously dressed, his voice is annoying, his movies are trash..."

"...he's constantly on your mind, you spend all of your time with him, you talk to him more than you talk to anyone else..."

"Aye, because Ah hate him! We fight and argue and the reason he's on me mind is because Ah want to crush him under me heel like the pitiful insect he is!"

She glared up at the sky and adjusted her umbrella, which was now the only source of shadow they had. It was really heating up now: the air was shimmering from the heat and the horizon was hazy and blurred.

"Alright. Let's assume you succeed. You crush him, he's defeated, you totally trounced him. He quits the movie business and goes back to the moon. You'll never see him again. What do you do next?"

"Are ya kidding?! That would be great! Ah would... uh..."

...

Conductor opened his beak. Closed it again.

Uhm.

Well... obviously it would be wonderful if Grooves were to rage-quit their competition. What a victory it would be! He'd finally have the whole studio to himself! He'd never have to worry about losing the award again! And to see Grooves so utterly defeated, destroyed and humiliated to the point where he had no choice but to openly acknowledge that he could never hope to match Conductor's genius...

Conductor licked his beak. Oooh, that was an amazing thought. He could almost imagine it now: Grooves disheveled and teary-eyed, perhaps even on his knees in despair, weakly admitting that he'd been defeated...

But. But then...

But then who was he going to argue with? Who was he going to shout at when he was stressed and upset and needed relief? Who'd match him, insult for insult and taunt for taunt, like nobody else could? Whose infuriatingly smug presence would fill the studio in a way that, peck it, felt like home more than his lonely house in the desert ever could?!

"...well... Ah would... Ah would..."

He couldn't finish that sentence.

The girl just smirked and turned away to keep leading the way. She was quite a bit ahead of him now and he realized that he'd stopped walking.

He coughed as he began to move again.

"Ya're just... ya're putting too much thought into this, lass", he mumbled. "It's really nae that complicated."

No reply. He stared down at her tiny footprints in the sand. The sun burned down on them without mercy and the yellow sand shone like it was on fire.

"...Any clue how close we are to that Time Piece?", he finally asked, because that seemed like a much safer topic.

"No clue", she said without looking back. "Could be ten minutes, could be four days. But I'm not seeing anything obviously weird yet, so we're probably not that close."

"...Aye, guess that makes sense." He hadn't really thought that much about what exactly would await them when they finally found the Time Piece... and the Time Leak that would accompany it. She'd made it clear that it would be potentially dangerous and that it could be pretty much everything. But what kind of danger? Sure, he knew how to fight and he had plenty of knives. But one couldn't stab a tornado or ghosts or poison. And what kind of situation was he even in that those three options all seemed equally possible?!

He sighed. Part of him almost wished that he'd just left the lass to her own devices. He could be at home right now. But no, that obviously wasn't an option.

It was at this point that Conductor noticed something: Grooves hadn't said anything for several minutes.

...Which, heh, no wonder. They were in direct sunlight right now, no shadow to hide in. The heat was intense.

"What's wrong, peck neck? Did the heat finally..."

But the words died in his throat as he realized just how bad Grooves actually looked.

The penguin was swaying back and forth with every step, more stumbling than walking. His sweat-drenched feathers were plastered to his skin. He was breathing heavily, chest raising and falling way faster than it should.

The Conductor glanced up towards the sky. The sun was nearing its apex now. Almost noon.

"...Lass!", he called out. "Slow down a little!"

The girl turned around. Her forehead was glistening with sweat, but at least she looked better than Grooves.

"What's wrong?"

He pointed up. "It's nearing noon. Ya cannae travel through a desert at noon, that's the hottest time of the day. We need to find some shadow and rest until late afternoon."

She frowned, clearly not happy with the idea.

"But we need to..."

"Ah know, and if it were just ya and me, Ah would", probably still insist on a break because I don't want you marching through the desert in the midday heat either, "be willing to talk it out, but look at the peck neck here. Break time, now."

Hat Kid looked over at Grooves. A moment of silence as she took in all the things Conductor had noticed: his swaying movement, his soaked feathers, his laboured breathing.

"...There's some shadow over there.", she said, pointing at a series of orange boulders with her umbrella.

"Aye. It's nae perfect, but it'll do."

The rocks offered some halfway decent shadow. As soon as they stepped into it, it got notably colder... but not cold by any means, merely slightly less sweltering. Hat Kid closed her umbrella and stretched, Conductor dropped his backpack and reached for his water bottle.

Grooves sank to his knees and just went limp. There was a dull thud as his body hit the sand.

Ah, peck.

"Good thing ya can carry so much, lass. We're about to waste a lot of water."

With that, he grabbed a full water bottle and went over to where the hapless penguin had collapsed.

His breathing sounded even worse now. He was gasping for air with every breath. His chest was the only part of him that was moving - the entire rest had gone motionless, too exhausted to move.

Conductor reached down and carefully pulled Grooves' sunglasses off. His eyes were half-lidded and glassy.

He looked up at the Conductor, blinking slowly. There was no recognition in his eyes.

"...He looks like he's about to pass out", the kid observed. She had shuffled closer, head tilted as she watched.

"He might. Can ya give me his jacket?"

She obeyed, though her expression was one of confusion. Conductor ignored it as he poured some water over the hideous garment, drenching the fabric. It didn't soak up the water properly and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. But it would have to do.

"Here ya go..."

And he carefully dabbed at the penguin's forehead. Grooves let out a barely perceptible whimper.

"Shush. Ya did this to yerself. Ah told ya this would happen! Ya're a penguin! Of course ya're going to keel over!"

No response, not that he had expected one.

"Do ya have any other cloth ya dinnae need right now?"

"I've got my coat in here if that helps?"

"It does. Drench it and wrap it around his ankles. We need to cool him down or he'll be a pile of pons in a few minutes."

He pulled out his water bottle again, used the other hand to carefully stabilize Grooves' head and poured just a few drops into his rival's beak. When Grooves didn't choke, he poured another few drops. Slowly, sip by tiny sip, he emptied the bottle down the penguin's throat.

Once it was empty, Conductor wadded up the wet jacket and pressed it against the penguin's neck. Grooves gasped in shock, but the sound quickly turned into one of relief. His eyes fluttered shut.

"There we go. Slow, deep breaths, peck neck. Ya're gonna be just fine."

The kid had wrapped her coat around Grooves' legs.

"Is he going to be okay?"

There was a tinge of fear in her voice and Conductor placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Dinnae worry, lass. Ah'll give him some more water in a few minutes and then he'll be just fine. He's a stubborn one. Has to be, with me around. He's nae gonna get taken down by a wee bit of heat."

Sure enough, Grooves' breathing was already starting to normalize.

"Can't you just give him some heart pons?"

Conductor reached out and gently ran his fingers through Grooves' feathers. Purely to check his body temperature, of course. Too warm, much to warm.

"They dinnae help much with stuff like this", he explained. "They're only good fer injuries. Broken bones or cuts, things like that. They dinnae work fer anything else. Disease, poison, mental problems or, well... this."

What had Grooves been thinking?! His plumage was so thick and fluffy! Of course he was going to overheat, that was just common sense! And the Conductor had even told him that it would happen!

"We do need to figure out what to do with him, though. It's a good thing we took so much water, because he'll be needing more than the two of us combined."

She nodded slowly. "I could give him my umbrella. Would that help?"

"That will definitely help, aye. Shadow's good. We'll have to wait here fer a bit - ain't gonna lie, we might nae be able to move any further today."

She sighed, clearly annoyed. "I guess we don't have much of a choice. He's really not doing well, is he?"

"No. Ya said ya dinnae have penguins back where ya live?"

"No."

"Well... they're made fer cold climates. They dinnae handle heat well", he explained before opening another bottle of water and taking a sip for himself.

"Oh."

A moment of silence. The lass watched as Conductor pressed the new bottle to Grooves' beak and gave him a few more sips.

"...It's a good thing you don't like him."

Conductor paused. Looked down at the current scene: Here he was, kneeling in the sand next to his rival, one hand cradling the back of Grooves' head, the other hand slowly feeding him water sip by sip so he wouldn't choke...

"...Oh, shut yer face."

Chapter Text

They didn't end up travelling any further that day.

When Grooves regained consciousness, it quickly became clear that he wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. He spent the first hour completely silent, barely moving an inch. Conductor fed him water, electrolytes and eventually a protein bar and Grooves meekly accepted all of it without complaint.

They'd be spending the night here. The lass had put up some token protest, but eventually she had relented and she and the Conductor had put up their shelter together. It was a pretty simple construction made from three wooden poles and a simple white tarp. The poles not only held the tarp up, but they also provided Conductor with a place he could dangle from to sleep upside-down like he preferred. Grooves and the lass meanwhile, who both liked to sleep on the ground for some reason, had camping mats and sleeping bags.

Conductor didn't own any child-sized camping equipment - the stuff his daughters had used in their childhood had long since fallen apart and the grandkids weren't old enough to join him for camping trips yet. So he'd just given her some full-size stuff, figuring it wouldn't matter too much. She could just roll the lower part up. As for Grooves, Conductor was positively surprised - he'd expected some cheap fair-weather equipment made for weekend trips to the campground, but it was actually pretty decent. He wondered why Grooves owned those things - the penguin didn't strike him as the kind of person who enjoyed hiking.

He'd sent the lass to gather some firewood, telling her not to stray too far from the camp. Now he watched as she shuffled through the sand, breaking trees off of gnarled trees and poking rotting logs with her umbrella.

Behind him, Grooves had managed to shuffle into an upright position. He was now leaning against the rocks, still breathing quite loudly but otherwise okay for now. His drenched jacket was wrapped around his hair and forehead and he occasionally sprinkled more water onto it. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses.

"Aren't you worried that there might be something hiding in those old logs?", he asked. Conductor didn't take his eyes off the lass as he answered: "That's why Ah told her to tap them first. See if anything moves."

"Ah."

...

Grooves mumbled something under his breath, so quiet that even Conductor's keen ears couldn't hear it.

"What was that?"

"Don't... don't make me repeat it, darling", Grooves mumbled. "I'm sure you're enjoying this, but..."

"Uh... no, Ah just genuinely didn't hear what ya said. Ya were talking at the volume of an ant. A hoarse ant."

...

The penguin sighed.

"I said... you were right", he repeated, still only barely audible. "I shouldn't be here. I underestimated the desert and it almost killed me."

Conductor's beak curled into a grin. "Aw, Grooves", he cooed, "Ah hate the sound of yer voice, but ya sound downright beautiful when ya admit that ya pecked up."

"Of course, rub it in."

"Ya knew that was going to happen! Shoulda kept yer beak shut. Shoulda stayed home!"

"... Yes, I really should have", Grooves said glumly.
He stared at his hands, slowly curling his fingers. "I just... I figured you had to be exaggerating things. Because I've been to the outskirts of the desert before and I was just fine! But... the actual desert, combined with the midday heat... I guess you weren't exaggerating after all."

He looked over at where the kid had hooked her umbrella onto a large tree branch to try and snap it off. She wasn't very successful so far.

"I insisted on coming along to help her out, to make up for what I've done, but so far... so far I've been a burden more than anything else!"

Conductor opened his mouth.

...

Crush him, rub it in, make him shatter like glass, his mind whispered. And oh, it was so tempting.

...But the lass wouldn't approve of that, would she? No, she wouldn't. And besides... Grooves was here now, there was no undoing that. Making him more upset wouldn't help anyone, not even Conductor. Sure, it would be funny, but he'd be the one dealing with the fallout afterwards.

"Cease yer whining, peck neck. We're getting ya throught this somehow", he said instead. "Me and the lassie talked about how to deal with ya. Starting tomorrow, ya're getting her umbrella. She's already got her hat fer shade. Then, we're nae moving through direct sunlight again, that's nae good fer her either. If that means we have to take detours, so be it. And finally, we're gonna be keeping yer jacket wet. Ah've calculated it and we've got more than enough water to spare even if we spend a full week out here. That, plus regular breaks and siesta at noon, should keep ya in decent enough shape."

A slow nod.
"I... suppose we could give it a try."

"Aw, cheer up, will ya? Who knows, maybe ya'll actually do something useful eventually. Miracles can happen! And ya've already done me a huge favour."

He grinned brightly and Grooves looked quite confused.

"A favour? What do you mean by that, darling?"

"Think about it, Grooves. Ya were on the edge of heatstroke. A penguin getting heatstroke out here in the desert? Nae a good situation fer ya to be in. And the lassie does nae know anything about trating heatstroke either. That was aaaaall me. Which means..."

He paused for dramatic effect.

"...Ya owe me yer life."

He could see the words clicking into place, could see Grooves' eyes widening as the realization settled in. Conductor didn't give him time to deal with it. Instead he continued, in a mocking sing-song:

"That's right! Every time ya wake up to see another day, fer the entire rest of yer life, part of ya will know that ya would nae have seen it without me. Every breath ya take is a direct result of what Ah did here today. Ya're alive because Ah saved yer life after ya did something Ah explicitely told ya not to do. Ya're in me debt and ya'll never be able to forget it."

Grooves stared at him with venom in his eyes. Fists clenched, eyes full of fire, whole body trembling with barely restrained fury.

"You... you rotten, despicable prick!", he gasped through a gritted beak. "I loathe you! I loathe you with every fiber of my being! Gods, if only I had the strenght to strangle you right now!"

"Now, now, that's nae way to talk to yer saviour!"

"Saviour?! You..."

"Seriously, Grooves. How about a thank ya, huh? Ah think Ah deserve one!"

...

Conductor was absolutely revelling in this. Helping the peck neck out had been worth it just for this. Grooves was never going to live this down.

"If ya want, ya can show me yer gratitude by letting me borrow a penguin fer next year's movie. Ah'll even let ya have an owl in return."

Grooves' eyes narrowed.

"...Why."

"Because a movie about a poor, dim-witted penguin getting lost in the desert and being saved by the savvy Conductor..."

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare!"

"...might nae be a bad idea! And maybe if Ah put the penguin in platform shoes and an ugly wig..."

"Darling, I will sue you!"

"Ya can try", Conductor said with a smirk. "Ah'll make the outfit orange and green and the sunglasses heart-shaped, that way it's legally distinct."

"Orange and green?! That is a war crime!"

"Dinnae be silly, war crimes are nae real."

...They stared at each other. Eventually Grooves lowered his head, glared into submission. He normally lasted longer than this, but even Conductor couldn't blame him for not being on his game right now. And honestly, it was pretty impressive that Grooves could hold his own in these contests at all - most people couldn't. Staring contests were difficult when your opponent had no visible eyes.

"...Thank you. For helping me", Grooves hissed.

"Ah, there we go. Found yer manners, did ya? Although ya could have watched yer tone a little, didna sound very sincere!"

"Do not push it, darling!"

"What are you two arguing about now?"

The lass was back, holding a gigantic stack of firewood in her left hand. The twigs and branches had been interwoven in a way that stabilized them, allowing her to stack them much higher than would have been possible otherwise - she was essentially holding a very narrow log cabin.

"He's mad that Ah saved his life."

"He's being smug about it!"

They were pointing at each other like tattling schoolchildren. The girl let out a groan.

"I am the most mature being in a five-mile radius", she said flatly. "And I'm pretty sure second place goes to the lizard I found over there."

She dropped the stack of firewood. It collapsed like a big game of mikado. "I'm surprised you two don't stick post-its to each other's backs."

"Oh, we do."

"Often, actually."

"Frequently."

"Kind of a monthly tradition."

"He does kick-me signs. And he kicks hard with those platform shoes!"

"He does hit-me signs and then goes straight for the back of the knee."

She sighed as she dropped onto her camping mat and pulled out her water bottle.
"I should have known."

She took a sip.

"I'm scared to ask, but do you have dart boards with each other's picture on it by any chance?"

The Conductor smiled brightly. How had she guessed?

"Ah do! That's how Ah practice me knife throwing! Got a bunch of his old movie posters on it!"

"I do not have one..."

"Hah!"

"...But I do use a plushie of him as a pincushion. Sewed it myself!"

Conductor blinked.

"...Ya made a little doll of me?"

"Well, apparently you have been collecting my posters."

By now, evening was drawing close. It was subtle, but the air was already getting colder and the sun was sinking steadily. Grooves had ditched the wet jacket and was looking much better already. The kid meanwhile put her coat back on and yawned.

"Question", she said. "Couldn't we just travel at night? Might be easier for", and she pointed her thumb at Grooves.

Conductor shook his head. He definitely understood the logic, most travellers thought of that eventually, but: "It's nae a good idea. Night's when the scorpions come out and they're hard to see in the dark. If ya end up getting stung by one and ya cannae see what type it was... well, Ah cannae give ya the right antivenom then."

"Oh. Okay, guess that makes sense."

Conductor got up, cracked his back.

"If ya want, ya can take a look at the health kit while me and the peck neck here get the campfire going. Ya've done yer part already and it cannae hurt fer ya to know what we've got. It's pretty unlikely that Ah'll get injured, but if Ah do, Ah'd prefer if ya were the one to treat me."

Grooves rolled his eyes as he got up as well. "You trust me that little?"

"Ah dinnae want ya to repay yer debt that fast. If ya save me life now, what am Ah gonna tease ya with?"

"As if you have ever struggled to find a reason to tease me."

"Aye, Ah am pretty pecking good at that. Here, ya grab that large branch there and follow my lead. We're building an upside-down fire lay to last us through the night and Ah'm willing to bet that ya've never made one of those in yer life."

Grooves smirked. "That is a bet you would lose, darling. I've used fire in plenty of my movies!"

And sure enough, the penguin actually did everything perfectly right and they piled up logs in record time. Peck it! How was the Conductor supposed to make fun of him like this?

By the time they were done, evening had arrived. The sun was almost touching the horizon by now. Once it went down, if would get cold fast.

"Dinnae light it yet, we'll wait until it's dark", he instructed. "Lass, ya hungry?"

"Yeah, a little!"

She had spread out the contents of his health kit on the sand before her and was studying them intently.

"Then Ah'll get ya something."

"Ah... darling, you wouldn't happen to have any pain relief cream in that pile?", Grooves asked, rubbing his left arm. "I think I put a little too much stress on my bad shoulder just now."

"Uh, hang on, one of these tubes up here." She picked up a tube, read the text, put it back and grabbed a different one. That was apparently the right one and she handed it over to Grooves. "You have a bad shoulder?"

The penguin smiled awkwardly. "Ah... yes. A little permanent reminder of what happens when you. uh, try to take things that don't belong to you."

She paused. Blinked. Then her face went pale.

"W-wait. Did... did I..."

"Ah, ah, ah! Dinnae look that sad, lassie!", Conductor cut in before she could say anything further. "It would nae have happened if he hadn't pushed it!"

He placed a plastic bowl filled with dried fruit, jerky, rice cakes, nuts and cheese in front of her.
"Here ya go. Once we get the fire going, Ah'll make ya some instant soup, but fer now this should be enough."

"Thank you. Uhm... I'm really sorry, Grooves."

"Don't be, I deserved it."

"Besides, it was a team effort", Conductor commented, grabbing some jerky for himself. "Think we both had a hand in that, heh."

"Ah... yes, you did", Grooves said, and to the kid: "You fractured my shoulder with your umbrella and then he accidentally misaligned it when he bandaged me."

He frowned. "At least I think it was an accident."

"It was." He didn't exactly feel sorry about it, because Grooves had very much deserved it, but he still hadn't done it intentionally. "Ah made the bandages too tight on purpose, but Ah wouldnae have done that if Ah'd known yer shoulder was actually fractured."

"And it's really not that bad", Grooves said gently, giving the girl a comforting pat on the back. "It still works fine, I just can't put too much weight on it."

"I.... I mean, if you say it's fine..."

She didn't look too convinced, but she seemed willing to drop it for now. Grooves handed the tube of cream back to her and she put it back into the health kit before gathering everything else she'd taken out. Grooves stole a nut out of her bowl while she was distracted. Conductor chuckled; so much for not taking things that didn't belong to you.

"By the way, I have a question", she said, holding up a bottle. "So you've got all these different types of antivenom here and they're all labelled, which is great, but, uh... why is this one just labelled 'Conductor'?"

"That's the antidote to me own venom", Conductor explained. "I like to keep it on hand, just in case."

"...You have venom?"

He grinned proudly. "Aye, and it's pretty strong, too!"

"Can confirm", Grooves said. "He bit me once and my hand was numb for the rest of the day."

"Hah! Ya got lucky! Ya only got a little bit of venom. A full dose causes temporary paralysis and permanent nerve damage! ...Which should explain why Ah keep the treatment ready."

But she didn't even seem to be listening. She was just looking at him with her head tilted and a look of confusion in her eyes.

"...What kind of bird are you again?"

Huh? What kind of question was that supposed to be? Wasn't it obvious?

"Ah'm an owl, lassie. Thought ya knew?"

"...Right..."

Next to him, Grooves pressed a finger to his beak and gave a barely perceptible headshake before coughing loudly.

"Ah, how about we get that fire going, darling? And by 'we' I mean 'you' since as you so kindly reminded me this morning, I forgot to pack a lighter."

"...Aye, because ya're a moron", Conductor mumbled, but his heart wasn't in it. What had that been about?!

He pondered about that until it was time to sleep, but he couldn't find an answer.

Chapter Text

They woke up as soon as the sun rose to make use of the somewhat cold morning hours. They had a quick breakfast, took down the tarp and packed their things before once again setting out towards that Time Piece... whereever it might be.

The lass led the way once again, but now without her umbrella. That was now in Grooves' hands, who looked more than a little silly with it. Conductor cursed himself for not bringing a camera.

But between that and his thoroughly soaked jacket, which he'd wrapped around his shoulders like a scarf, Grooves was actually doing alright. The sun rose higher and the air got hotter, but he wasn't struggling nearly as much as yesterday.

The lass was up ahead - Conductor was keeping an eye on her to make sure she was doing alright without her umbrella, but so far the shadow from her hat seemed to be enough. She'd woken up with an energy that just didn't come to people over the age of thirty. Conductor and Grooves had shared a silent moment of understanding in that moment: two old men watching a kid who had yet to encounter the true meaning of back pain. Now the girl was marching forwards with a determination that would have made any soldier envious.

Conductor wondered about her home planet. She looked so normal, so human. If he hadn't known that she was from a different galaxy, he would never have suspected it. Right now, the only thing that betrayed her heritage was the gigantic backpack which no normal child would ever have been able to lift.

But her civilization, her society, those had to be completely different. Her technology allowed for long-distance space travel, teleportation and hat-based orientation systems - their own technology was just barely able to travel to the moon and back. She had access to little containers of raw potential that made time travel possible and could cause random disasters left to their own devices and she used them as fuel. Even little children could own and operate gigantic spaceships all on their own. He wondered what her planet looked like and suspected that even Grooves' bravest and craziest fever dreams weren't futuristic enough to be close.

And apparently, little girls had jobs on that planet. And not jobs like delivering newspaper or walking the neighbor's dog or acting... but a government job that involved collecting and delivering potentially dangerous objects!

Which on one hand was very terrifying and even he, arguably not the most responsible guardian in the world, the land or even the studio, found it just flat-out awful. But on the other hand, it was not like she wasn't capable of it. He'd known her for just about one year, most of which she hadn't even spent on this planet, and in that one year she had:

1. Mastered every single task he and Grooves had thrown at her, including the one that had involved an actual bomb, before absolutely annihilating Grooves in a fight with nothing but an umbrella and some minimal help from the Conductor.

2. Rescued the Conductor, several of his grandchildren and multiple other people including a fully grown walrus from a sinking ship by physically carrying them to the lifeboats. With one hand.

3. Bestowed a crushing defeat upon a certain red-hooded nuisance and while she had admittingly gotten a fair bit of help from a lot of people, she had still done the majority of the work herself - and in doing so had quite possibly saved hundreds, thousands of lives.

And those were just the things he himself had seen. There were no doubts many things he wasn't even really aware of, chapters of her journey that he had only barely glimpsed (Mafia? Cats? Brainwashing flowers? That weird purple ghost thing?). So one couldn't exactly argue that she shouldn't have that job or that she wasn't suited for it.

Were all the children on her planet like this? Peck, what were the adults like then?!

...Boring, apparently, because her parents were farmers who thought that space travel was a fad. So the children transported dangerous objects through space and the adults sat around complaining about modern life. Yep, that sounded about right.

They had made it to a part of the desert that was more rocky than sandy. Jagged mountains in shades of orange and yellow reached up around them, the sand was coarse and small stones littered the ground. Lizards lurked in every crack and crevice, scattering whenever they drew too close.

The rocks provided plenty of shadow, which was great, but they also made the ground much harder and less pleasant to walk on. They wouldn't be able to move as fast and they'd need more frequent breaks. The girl wasn't happy about that, but she agreed that it would be necessary - especially after the first break, which was actually called by her and caused by about fourteen pebbles that had gotten into her shoe.

They continued their journey and Conductor was taking his role as the leader very seriously. Even though he wasn't leading the way, he was still very much in charge, as evidenced by the lass looking back at him for confirmation whenever she spotted an unfamiliar plant or animal. And so Conductor made sure that the other two were drinking water and taking electrolytes, he reminded the kid to put on more sunscreen every once in a while, he kept an eye on the sky and called a break when noon drew close.

This time, they held siesta with no problems. Grooves took a nap, the girl tried and failed to catch a lizard and Conductor allowed himself to relax for an hour or two. But once they got up again, he was on guard once more.

They had been way, way too careless yesterday. Grooves could have died of heatstroke. And since neither Grooves nor the kid knew anything whatsoever about the desert, it was the Conductor's job to keep the two of them safe and alive. So he kept his guard up, stayed on the lookout for anything that might pose a threat and kept a close eye on his companions.

It was this alertness that eventually drew his eyes to something most other would have overlooked - something that even he would have overlooked normally.

Movement, shapes against the rock, their sandy color hiding them. Almost impossible to see. He paused, narrowed his eyes as he tried to determine what it was.

He spotted tawny fur, muscular hind legs and not one but three pairs of golden eyes looking back at him.

"...Stop!", he hissed. "Stop, stop moving!"

Grooves and the lass stopped immediately.

"What's wrong?", the girl whispered back, eyes darting around as she tried to determine what he was so concerned about. Conductor didn't take his gaze off the animals lurking just ahead.

"...There's a group of mountain lions right ahead", he said quietly. "Ya can just barely see them... up there, on that ledge?"

"I see them", Grooves whispered back. "They see us, too."

"Aye, and Ah dinnae like it."

Mountain lions weren't all that dangerous normally. He'd encountered them plenty of times - raising your arms, holding eye contact and speaking loudly was normally enough to scare them off.

But mountain lions were loners, they didn't hunt in packs. A group like this could only mean one thing: a mother with her cubs. Cubs that were almost fully grown, yes, but that just meant they could hit harder. And there was probably still some maternal instinct rattling around in that little cat skull - young enough to stay close, young enough to be protected.

You don't ever approach a wild animal that has cubs. Hell has no fury like a mother scorned. He didn't shy away from cougars, coyotes or wolves, but if they had cubs he'd avoid them like they were evil personified.

Not to mention... he glanced over at the two people accompanying him. One little girl, stronger than one would think but of course the cougars had no way of knowing that - they just saw something small and prey-sized. And one penguin, large enough to be intimidating but also visibly exhausted, clad in clothes that made him stand out for miles and fat enough to feed the whole family for days.

And what a family it was, with three mouths to feed. Three hungry mouths, no doubt on the lookout for easy prey during these hot summer days...

Okay. Careful now. No mistakes.

"Dinnae take yer eyes off of them", he whispered. "They need to know that we've seen them."

Cougars were ambush predators. Never turn your back to them, never let them think that they can get the drop on you.

"Back off. Slowly", he instructed. "Raise yer arms to make yerself look taller."

The lass raised her arms and tried her best, but she didn't look notably taller. Neither did Grooves, but he was already tall enough.

Slowly, both of them took a few steps back until they were next to Conductor.

The largest of the cougars had gotten up and was staring down at them with undivided attention. The other two were still lying down, but Conductor could tell that they were tense - like coiled springs, ready to leap into action.

They had to be quite hungry if they were genuinely considering this. Which, mind you, he could understand. But he wasn't on the menu and neither were his friends.

He slowly reached into his coat and grabbed hold of a knife.

"...Keep backing off, but get ready to fight if they pounce", he said. "Protect yer neck and go fer the eyes and the mouth."

A swishing noise as Grooves folded up the umbrella and handed it back to the girl. She immediately raised it up, ready to strike.

By now, all three cougars were on their feet. Not backing off or running away, but not actively stalking either. Observing, calculating.

Back off slowly, keep eye contact. You're not a threat, but you're not prey either. And as long as they agree with that, you're all peachy.

One cougar stepped forwards, testing the waters. Conductor growled at it. It paused, tilted its head, but it didn't look intimidated.

Then it took another step closer.

He drew the knife, mentally scripted a fight scene. Three mountain lions, three people, he knew how the cougars fought and he knew how all three of them fought.

Grooves was strong and swift, but he was also a big target and now that he wasn't holding the umbrella anymore, the sun would weaken him quickly. The lass was fast and he umbrella gave her some decent reach, but she was also small and lightweight - one swipe would knock her off her feet. He himself wasn't much heavier and while his thick skin would protect him somewhat, a determined cougar could still very much damage him.

But. Cougars are ambush pretadors, they do not want to fight. If you just put up a decent fight, they'll decide you're not worth the trouble.

Another step closer. And another. And another.

Peck. They weren't getting out of this, were they?

Maybe if he readied himself now, he could throw one of his knives at the first cougar who charged. Take one out before it even reached them. Then it would be three aga-

WHAM!

Something heavy slammed against his backpack. He screamed as he tumbled, knocked to the ground by the impact.

A weight on his back.

Claws against his skin.

Hot breath.

Then a slam and a yowl and the weight disappeared.

Ambush predators. Ambush predators!

There was a fourth one and it had been sneaking up on them from behind!

Conductor got back up, grabbed his knife, glanced around. The lass had tackled the cougar. Now she was busy shoving her umbrella down its throat.

But then in came the other three. The largest one pounced at Grooves, who pulled his microphone out of thin air and swung it like a whip. It smacked the mountail lion on the nose and it hissed in shock and rage.

Grooves was handling one, the lass was handling one - well, Conductor certainly wasn't going to let them have all the fun!

"Alright ya pecking cats, have it yer way!"

They pounced.

He met them with a well-aimed knife slash. Metal met flesh and won. He sliced clean through the first cougar's paw. But the second one dodged and sank its claws into his arm.

"Argh!"

Pecking bastard! He slammed the knife into its side and grinned at the loud screech he got in return. It went down, collapsed in a puddle of its own blood.

The girl clobbered her cougar over the head. Grooves wrapped his microphone cable around his cougar's throat and yanked.

Oh, but the one whose paw he had injured was not happy about any of that! It let out a furious growl and launched itself straight at Conductor's head.

He jumped aside and felt the air tug at his clothes as it flew past him.

"Ooh, Ah see the problem! Ya're the mommy, ain't ya?! Well, ya shoulda taught your brats some manners!"

And he stared her down, ignored the pain pulsing through his arm and the blood soaking through his feathers. She stared back, golden eyes full of hunger and rage.

He had no hate for her, he really didn't. Just a mother trying to keep her children safe and fed. She wasn't doing anything that he wouldn't also have done for his daughters. He could sympathize, from one parent to another.

But that sympathy wasn't going to stop him from doing what was necessary. He, too, was trying to keep his pack safe and she and her kids were standing in the way of that.

Swish, another claw swipe! Slash, another knife swipe! Strike, dodge, punch her with your free hand and follow it up with a stab!

"It's nothing personal, kitty", he hissed. "But if ya're gonna try and hurt me friends, then Ah'll need ya dead!"

The only answer he got was a loud hiss.

And then another WHAM as the cougar tackled him again. This time, he didn't dodge in time.

Peck!

He was on his back now. And he had dropped the knife.

He grabbed the cougar's jaws. Pushed it away with all his strenght even as its teeth cut into his fingers. Its maw was only inches away from his throat and he dug his claws into the cougar's gums as deep as he could. The cougar didn't even notice it.

"Get off me, ya bloody beast!"

He was on his own, too. Grooves was busy trying to strangle his cougar and the lass was struggling with hers - it had bitten down on her umbrella and wasn't letting go.

Except then it did let go and swiped at her instead. The swipe connected. And just like Conductor had predicted, it knocked her right off her feet. She screamed in pain and shock as she was tossed aside like a rag doll.

...Okay. That was it. Enough of this!

"HOW DARE YA?!"

Grabbed his knife and slammed it straight into the roof of the cougar's mouth.

There was a howl of agony. The cougar spun around and darted off; this meal wasn't worth it! The other two, seeing their mother flee, came to the same realization. There was a mad scramble and the next moment, they were gone without a trace.

Conductor closed his eyes for a second and focussed on breathing.

"Ow", he stated flatly.

"Darling, your arm..." and Grooves was next to him, a look of worry on his face. Conductor raised the arm in question and grimaced in pain.

"It's... nae that bad", he hissed through a gritted beak. It was actually very much bad - his skin was tough and hard to cut, but the trade-off was that when he got cut, it took forever to heal. He'd be nursing these wounds for months.

But he certainly wasn't going to admit that in front of Grooves.

"Ah just... need some antiseptic, some bandages and then Ah'll be fine. Ah'm grateful fer the backpack, otherwise that first one woulda clawed up me entire back."

He took off the backpack in question. The thick cloth was torn open in several spots, but at least it was still holding together. He needed the first aid kit and fortunally, it was right on top.

"What about ya? Are ya injured?"

"A few bruises, but I'm not bleeding. I got lucky", Grooves said while Conductor pulled a bottle of antiseptic and some bandages out. "I think I broke my microphone."

"Ya did? Hang on, Ah need to go thank that cougar."

"Ha ha. Very funny, darling."

Conductor looked over at the one dead cougar. A male, almost fully grown. In a few months, he would have probably left to find his own territory. Now he never would.

He didn't know if the mother would survive. Probably not, but nature was astonishing and the desert even more so. The other two would be just fine. The big one had only gotten his throat squeezed a little and the one the lass had fought against just...

Wait.

Hang on a second.

He looked around. Blinked. Looked again.

"...Where's the lass?!"

Chapter Text

They looked around. Grooves took his sunglasses off for a moment to try and get a better look. He regretted it instantly as the bright sun almost blinded him. He blinked through the light, tried to focus.

No trace of the girl.

But she couldn't just have disappeared. Surely even she didn't have that ability!

He hadn't really managed to keep track of her in the fight - he'd been a bit busy trying to strange the cougar that had been trying to tear his face off. But he knew how she fought and he refused to believe that she couldn't hold her own against a mountain lion. She'd dealt with worse.

But then where was she?

Conductor was scratching his chin.

"...Alright, let's think about this logically", he said slowly. "Ah dinnae think she ran away. That's nae like her."

"No", Grooves agreed. "It really isn't."

"Ah know that cougar swiped at her and knocked her down", Conductor continued. "And Ah could imagine that if she got badly injured, she'd teleport back to her ship to save herself. But Ah dinnae think she'd get that injured from one attack and if that were the case, there'd be signs of it. More blood, fer starters."

Gods, how could he say that so calmly?! The sheer thought of that made Grooves sick!

"Could she be hiding? But Ah cannae think of any reason fer her to do that..."

But if she's not hiding and didn't run away and didn't go to her ship, then where...

Again: She couldn't just have disappeared. That wasn't possible.

...

Actually wait. That was possible.

"Conductor. I... I have an idea, but you're not going to like it." Grooves himself didn't like it either.

"...Spit it out."

"Remember how she said that a Time Leak could do pretty much anything? Well... what if we're close enough to that Time Piece to get affected by whatever it is doing?"

A moment of silence.

Then the realization seemed to sink in and Conductor hissed.

"Peck. If that's the case, then literally anything could have happened to her!"

Grooves nodded and tried not to think of the many, many things that could theoretically result in somebody disappearing from where they'd just been.

What if she'd been teleported to the other side of the planet? Maybe she'd been turned invisible and intangible and was right there, unable to communicate?! Or perhaps she'd been tossed to a random point in time, was now stuck in the far future or the distant past? Transformed into an animal or an object? Hypnotized into running away?

Good gods, what if the Time Leak had just disintegrated her?!

No. No no no, don't even think about that. Don't even think about that!

"What... what do we do now?!", he stammered, staring at Conductor because surely the other man knew what to do, he'd been acting as the leader the entire time, he knew how things worked out here...

"What are ya looking at me fer?! How am Ah supposed to know?!"

"Wh- you've been acting so high and mighty the entire time and now you're out of ideas?!"

"Just because Ah know me way around the desert does nae mean Ah'm omniscient, ya braindead peck neck!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have put yourself into the leader position! Go ahead, darling - lead! Where's your confidence now, huh?"

"How about ya come up with an idea?! It's about time ya start pulling yer weight, ya useless waste of space!"

"Oh, that is rich! After all that talk about how I shouldn't have come along, now you come to me for help?! Imagine if I hadn't come along, where would you be now?!"

"Probably better off! Maybe these cougars wouldnae even have attacked us if nae fer yer fat ass looking like a prime meal!"

"You're right, because no cougar would want to eat something as utterly disgusting as you! You'd probably give the poor things a stomachache!"

"Oh, that's rich coming from ya! Ya've got enough glitter on ya to poison an entire ecosystem!"

"Says the guy with actual venom!"

They stared at each other.

"...Ya know, that actually kind of helped", Conductor said. "Cleared me mind a bit."

"It really did. Got a lot of the stress out."

"Aye. Ya know... the lass is a capable one, Probably more capable than ya and me put together, to be honest. Ah dunno what happened to her, but Ah'm pretty sure she can handle it just fine."

Grooves let out a sigh. It was hard to argue with that. If the little darling really had fallen victim to the Time Leak, chances were that she understood the situation better than the two of them ever could.

"...We're still going to search for her though, right?"

"Well aye, obviously."

Conductor clambered up onto the rocks where the mountain lions had been lying in wait. He looked around, taking in the sight of the desert around him.

"Hm... nothing that looks suspicious right away. Here's me suggestion: We go in a spiral. We start right here and walk in an ever-increasing spiral. Search every inch of our surroundings step by step and see if we can find any clues to what might have happened to her."

He looked down at Grooves. "Unless ya've got a better idea?"

The question sounded genuine, much to Grooves' surprise. Conductor was genuinely asking for his input.

"It sounds good to me, darling."

Conductor nodded and climbed back down. He put his backpack back on, careful as not to aggravate his injured arm, and then paused.

"And we're walking slowly. Very slowly", he added.

That made sense. "To ensure we don't miss anything."

"Huh? Oh, aye, Ah guess that too. But mainly to nae waste our energy. And by 'our', Ah mean yer."

Grooves rolled his eyes. Seriously?! "Could you please stop treating me like an incompetent infant for two seconds?!"

"...Ah can see why ya thought that was an insult, but it was nae meant to be. Most of our water was in her backpack, which means Ah only have a few bottles left. We need to ration what we've got. And if ya overheat again, Ah'll nae be able to cool ya off."

Oh.

"...Alright, fine."

And so, slowly but steadily, they began to walk.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Hat Kid stumbled to her feet, ready to read the riot act to a certain unruly cougar. Only to find that said cougar was nowhere to be seen - and neither was anything else that had been there two minutes ago.

Darkness surrounded her with only the faintest bit of light. Her eyes adjusted to it and she blinked, tried to make sense of what she was seeing.

Her whole body was aching. Her arms and legs were littered with bruises. The only reason she hadn't gotten hurt worse was because she had landed on her oversized backpack.

And there were walls around her.

She stared at them. Questioned their existence. They were smooth and tall and not supposed to be there. Her mind raced as it tried to explain their sudden presence.

She'd been teleported. She'd gone back in time. The cougar had knocked her unconscious for a whole year and somebody had built a house around her in that time. She was dead and this was the afterlife.

Then she looked up a little higher and saw where the light was coming from: A narrow crack in the wall, a solid eight feet above her.

Ah.

Things slotted into place. Her brain threw out all previous ideas and got to work on the actual facts. Those were much simpler and more boring than her previous theories: The cougar had knocked her through a crack in the rock and she'd fallen into a cave underground.

Great. Just great.

"Peck", she hissed. She'd grown to like that word, mostly because she could use it in front of grown-ups back home with them being none the wiser.

She put her hand against the wall. Pretty much completely vertical. No way she was climbing that. And - she craned her neck, looking up as far as she could - nothing for her hookshot to latch onto either. She couldn't hear any sounds from above and the cave around her was completely quiet.

What other options did she have? She could hop back onto the spaceship, but then how was she ever going to get back here? She needed the Time Piece!

Not to mention DJ Grooves and the Conductor, who were probably wondering where she'd gone. No, she needed to get back up there.

But how?

She spent a few minutes digging through the contents of the backpack. But the only useful thing she found was a flashlight, which would admittingly come in handy down here, but wasn't exactly a climbing utensil.

At least the light allowed her to take a closer look at the cave. It turned out to be a cave system, with two tunnels leading away from the cavern she was standing in.

The tunnels didn't look man-made and neither did the cavern itself - more like they'd been carved by water, ages ago before this place had dried out. The walls were smooth and their color didn't match the bright orange and yellow of the rocks outside.

None of the tunnels were lit up by sunlight, none of them had wind or fresh air coming from them. No obvious exits. That said...

One of them was cold.

What did that even mean? Was it just cold because she was underground? If this tunnel was colder, did that mean that it led further down? If so, that probably meant that she shouldn't take that one. She wanted to get back up.

It was at this point that she noticed something: She'd lost her hat.

She found it lying not far from where she had landed. It was a little wrinkled and dusty, but nothing that some water and steam wouldn't fix. Hopefully the technology inside hadn't been damaged, but she doubted it. That stuff was durable.

She put it back on. And... oh why hello there!

The hat was working just fine. And it was pointing...

...right towards the cold tunnel.

Huh. Huh.

Interesting.

...Oh, but what now?! Now her mind was pulling in two directions and she had no idea how to proceed!

Focus on getting back up, your friends are worried about you. Focus on getting the Time Piece, that's why you're here to begin with. You can grab the Time Piece after you found a way out. You can find a way out after you grabbed the Time Piece. Time Leaks are dangerous, you need to deal with that. Grooves and Conductor might still be struggling with those cougars, you need to deal with that.

Aaargh! Do everything at once! Do absolutely nothing! Split yourself in two!

Okay. Step one: Calm down. Important step. Sit down for a moment and think about this.

...There was no way to get back up from where she currently was. Therefore, she had to enter one of the tunnels if she wanted to get anything done. There was no way to tell which one of these two tunnels would lead outside or if they did at all. Therefore, she had to choose one.

And if she had to choose one anyway, she might as well choose the one that also led towards the Time Piece.

And if she found a way outside by doing so, that was good. And if she found the Time Piece, that was also good. Only good outcomes. Except of course the outcome where she found neither an exit nor the Time Piece, which was not good, but that still left her with a two out of three chance of success. Probably.

Better get going, then!

Her footsteps echoed through the cave as she began to walk down the tunnel. The air was musty and cool and her flashlight's beam sent reptiles and insects scrambling for cover - every step she took caused motion in the shadows.

She wondered if Grooves and Conductor were okay up there. Were they holding their own against the cougars? Were they struggling? Had they already won the fight?

She hoped they were okay. They probably were - Conductor had already taken one cougar down and she knew all too well how good of a fighter Grooves was.

It wasn't like she could do much to help anyway. But she didn't need to help. They'd be fine. Just fine.

Hopefully.

Probably.

She shook her head, tried to get those thoughts out. Don't worry about that! They'll be fine. Those two know how to fight. They fight each other twenty-four hours every day.

They were probably immortal, at least while the other one was watching. No way Conductor would ever allow himself to die in front of Grooves... and no way Grooves would ever allow himself to die in front of Conductor! Those two were going to outlive the entire rest of the planet out of sheer spite.

By now, it was getting clear that this tunnel was not leading back up. If anything, it was leading further down. But that was fine as long as it also led all the way to the Time Piece.

She wondered what she'd find down there. There didn't seem to be anything too odd about this place. Her boss had shown her some pictures of what a Time Leak could do and they'd all been quite, well... obvious. Gigantic jungles sprouting out of nothing. Cobweb-like strings that glew in neon colors. Carnivorous benches. A castle made from rubies and copper.

So far, this desert held none of all that. But the Time Piece was here and it had to have formed a Time Leak by now.

She rounded a corner. The tunnel stretched onwards and onwards.

Maybe this particular effect was much smaller or not visible at all. Maybe it was going to be a cloud of gas, a sound at a frequency she couldn't hear, a small pearl that instantly killed anyone who touched it, a singular grain of sand that had ever-so-slightly changed color. Time Leaks could do anything and that included, well... anything.

She just hoped it wouldn't be too bad. These purple flowers... she shuddered. The last thing she wanted was some stupid mind control nonsene that would make her attack Conductor and Grooves... or make them attack her. Or maybe make them attack each other, although at least they were used to that.

Her pitiful light beam got lost in the darkness, barely illuminating anything. Maybe the batteries were weak? Or maybe the flashlight was just bad. Either way she was going to have words with Conductor later. This was unacceptable! How was she supposed to see like this?!

But when the light did hit something again, she really wished it hadn't. Because there, right in front of her... was a wall.

A wall. A wall that blocked the tunnel. Smack dab in front of her, completely blocking any way forwards.

Seriously?!

She pressed her hand against the wall. It felt cold, extremely cold, but more importantly it felt brittle. Thin cracks went through the entire thing where years of pressure had done their best to shatter it.

Alright, fine. All she needed to do was put on the brewing hat and blow this stupid thing... wait.

She looked up. Somewhere way up above her was the ceiling of this cave.

Said ceiling also happened to be the floor of the desert above her.

Said ceiling slash floor was held up by the walls of this tunnel.

...

On second thought, maybe she wouldn't throw explosives at the only thing standing between her and several tons of rock and sand. Maybe that was not a good idea.

...

She glared at the wall in an attempt to intimidate it into moving aside. The wall didn't budge.
Which meant that she would have to go all the way back now and try the other tunnel.

This was, in her opinion, one of the single worst things that had ever happened to her on this stupid planet.

Now, this might sound odd, seeing how said planet had also presented her with violent mafia thugs, overly zealous crime fighters with mustaches and no regard for private property, semi-lethal movie sets, a fame-crazed homicidal disco penguin, a soul-stealing shadow lawyer with way too many contracts, an evil outhouse possessed by her own soul, a creepy queen of ice and her frozen manor, some nasty purple flowers, goats brainwashed by the aforementioned flowers, a sinking ship (who could have guessed that steering a ship and steering a spaceship didn't work the same at all), a very angry big cat with a metro full of smaller but equally angry cats and a whole lot of lava.

However, the key point here was that all of these things had been exciting, whereas this right here was boring. And as anyone who has ever spent any amount of time close to a child will be able to confirm, the average child considers boring to be significantly worse than dangerous. Which was precisely why the government of her home planet used children to do exciting but dangerous stuff like space travel and collecting Time Pieces and adults to do safe but boring stuff like tending the fields.

And so Hat Kid turned around, very angry with the guy who'd designed this desert. That other tunnel better not be a dead end as well!

Chapter Text

They walked.

Step by step, inch by inch, minute by minute. Keeping their eyes open in search of anything that might tell them where their little darling had disappeared to.

So far, neither Grooves nor the Conductor had seen anything. The desert held a lot of sand, a lot of rocks, a few cacti, some dried grass, a half-dead tree, a bunch of spiders, scorpions and reptiles (none of which were purple or wore little hats) and an obnoxious amount of heat. None of these things were currently useful.

They didn't walk in silence, though. They talked, and for some reason - maybe because of the heat, maybe because of the overall situation, maybe just a stroke of luck - they weren't even arguing. They were having - and Grooves couldn't believe that it was happening - a civil conversation.

Though maybe the real reason for that was that they were currently talking about a topic they actually agreed on, which was a certain girl with a hat and whether or not she was awesome.

"...easily the best actor Ah ever had", Conductor said. "Nae counting meself, obviously. But compared to the owls? The lass is a pecking goddess!"

"That she is", Grooves agreed. "As much as I adore my penguins, they couldn't hold a candle to her."

"Aye, she got ya the victory. Ya'd have filmed another pile of trash without her."

...Okay, maybe they were arguing a little bit.

"And yet you couldn't win even with her help, darling. Despite your best attempts to sabotage me..."

"Huh?"

Conductor paused for a moment and looked back at Grooves with confusion on his face.

"Sabotage ya? The peck are ya talking about?"

"Do not play stupid, darling. I don't know how you convinced her to yell the p-word during a live recording, but..."

The rest of his sentence was cut of by laughter.

"She did what!? Oh, that is perfect, just perfect! Ah wish Ah was the one responsible fer that! Ruined yer take, did she?"

"She did indeed!" Was that really not Conductor's doing? Grooves could have sworn... because surely there was no way that such a sweet little girl would use such a vile word all on her own, especially not after being told not to! "Even after I clearly told her not to say it!"

"...Ya taught a kid a swearword and then told her nae to use it in a specific situation? And then ya were shocked when she used it in that specific situation? Ya dinnae spent a lot of time around kids, do ya?"

"...No." Was that really the expected outcome? Or was Conductor just trying to hide his involvement? He didn't sound like he was lying...

"Kids, they surprise ya. Ya think Ah was expecting her to blame herself fer the murder on the Owl Express? Ah thought she'd blame the crows fer sure, or maybe me. But she picked herself and peck, did she ever make it work!"

"That she did. One of your better movies, in my opinion", Grooves noted. It had been a decent twist, something Conductor's movies were sorely lacking.

He noticed something sparkling in the sand and paused to pick it up. It looked like a piece of coarse white glass with some shimmering red shining through.

"Hey, ya found a chunk of fire agate. Lucky find", Conductor commented. "Keep that and take it to a gemcutter. Makes fer flashy jewelry, ya'll like it."

Grooves sighed as he pocketed the stone. He did like flashy jewelry, but he would have preferred to find something a bit more useful. He didn't like the idea of his little darling out here alone and dealing with gods knew what.

"Aw, dinnae look so sad. The lass is a tough one. She'll be just fine", Conductor said, picking up on what he was thinking. "Did Ah ever tell ya about the time she saved me and me grandkids from a sinking ship?"

He hadn't. But Grooves had heard about it on the news.

"I knew you'd been on it. Didn't know your grandchildren were."

And it had been terrifying. Hearing that the ship had sunk, that the ship Conductor had been on had sunk... not to mention several of his own moon penguins! A shipwreck out there in the freezing ocean... sure, the penguins could endure the cold water, but Conductor...

He shuddered at the thought. Conductor could have died out there!

And now he barely even seemed to be perturbed by it!

"Aye, they were. Me little princess had to take care of the train while Ah was on vacation and normally me eldest takes care of all the kids when that happens, but she'd just gotten her tonsils out. So Ah figured hey, why nae take the wee blighters with me? Pamphlet promised excellent childcare, after all."
His face darkened. "Of course, that was a big fat lie, like most of the stuff in there. Although Ah will say, those seals can mix a mean cocktail! About the only thing they were good fer, though. Made me apprechiate the owls more. They cannae act, but at least they've got some basic common sense."

"No wonder it sank, then."

"Aye, nae wonder. Surprised it got as far as it got. And Ah'm nae gonna lie - if we had had to rely on those seals to fish us out, it woulda been curtains fer all of us! If it had nae been fer the lassie..."

He shook his head.

"Even ran back in to save the captain, which - why?! What are ya saving the walrus fer?! He woulda been fine and do ya know what happens to a lifeboat that sticks close to a sinking ship?! It gets dragged down, that's what happens! But Ah guess ya cannae except a lil' girl to know something like that."

Conductor paused, raising a hand to slow Grooves down. A few seconds later, something large and eight-legged scattered out from underneath a rock and ran off into the dunes.

"I'm surprised you know that", Grooves said, looking over to where the spider had disappeared. He hadn't known spiders got this big and he would have preferred to keep it that way. "That doesn't seem like something you'd know."

"Ya do realize Ah have watched me fair share of movies, right? Ah know the classics. Ya must have watched 'North Star', aye? Ah refuse to believe ya've never seen it."

"Of course I've seen 'North Star'! What kind of caveman do you take me for?!"

"Well, that's where Ah learned how sinking ships work."

"Of course. A movie about love, mortality, tragedy, the beauty of impermanence, and what do you focus on? The vehicle."

"The vehi... that's what the movie's about! It's literally named after the ship!"

"True, but the narrative focus..."

"The narrative focus is on the fact that the pecking ship sinks!"

Grooves chuckled. "I'd argue that it's on, you know, the main characters. But I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that."

"We're good at disagreeing. Though mind ya, it's still one of the best movies ever made. And Ah really hope ya dinnae disagree with me on that! Ah know yer taste is garbage, but..."

"Of course I agree! The music is stellar and the acting is flawless!"

In fact, that had been the movie that had ignited his desire to become a director. To be more exact, it had been the award ceremony for said movie. Seeing it on TV, seeing that beautiful shining award, seeing the flashes of the cameras and hearing the cheers of the audience...

It had awoken something inside of him. A hunger for fame, a thirst for victory. He'd wanted it for himself, all that and more.

"Huh, guess yer taste is nae completely awful then."

"He was my big inspiration", Grooves said with a happy sigh. "James Cawmeroc, I mean. I remember seeing him on that stage with the award in his hands..."

"...on top of the world, everybody cheering him on..."

"...and all spotlights on him, all eyes on him! And I imagined myself standing there..."

"...with that award in me own hands, looking down at the crowd, seeing the admiration in their faces..."

"...with tears in my eyes and a smile on my beak, thanking my friends and family for their support..."

"...and knowing me movie will be watched by generations to come! Knowing that Ah made history, that Ah made something worth remembering! That Ah will be remembered!"

"Famous for years, for decades, known by people everywhere! Giving autographs, getting fan mail, my picture in the news, my movie in all cinemas! I wanted it to happen, I needed it to happen!"

"And Ah was going to make it happen! They thought Ah was just a typical kid, making big plans fer the future that Ah'd forget about in a year or two, but no! Ah knew what Ah wanted! And Ah worked me arse off fer it!"

"Could I have taken an office job like my father? Sure! Could I have become a homemaker like my mother? Yes! Could I have stuck with the night club? Of course! And would that have been the safer option? Probably!"

"Safe?! James Cawmeroc didna play it safe! Steven Shorebird didna play it safe! Alfred Hitchcrow didna play it safe! Ya need to risk something if ya wanna win big!"

"Yes! You... you understand!"

Conductor smiled softly.
"Who if nae me, peck neck?"

...Yes, who if not he?

Of course Conductor would understand. He was probably the only person who could understand.
Grooves wondered if they would have gotten along if they had met as children. If they would have been friends, united by a shared desire to create and direct. Or if their differences would have been too severe even then. Would they have been best friends or sworn enemies?

...What even were they now?

Rivals, of course. Sworn enemies.

But... they were also currently travelling through a desert together in search of their missing friend. They shared a studio and talked every day and not all of it was insults. They'd known each other for decades.

Not to mention that Conductor had pretty much saved his life yesterday, or that Conductor knew Grooves' deepest and darkest secret and hadn't spilled it to the press. Grooves would never let Conductor borrow a prop, a camera or even just a pen, but he would give him a kidney if needed. He wouldn't trust Conductor with his sunglasses, but he would trust Conductor with his life.

What did you even call a relationship like that?

Next to him, Conductor had apparently gone through a similar thought process, because he groaned loudly.

"...Ah, peck it. The lass was right on the money, wasn't she. We've hated each other fer so long that we looped all the way back to liking each other."

"I don't know if... well...", but he couldn't think of a counterargument. That described it to a T. When you hated somebody for so long, you either grew to like them or hired an assassin.

"I do hate you", he said, because that was absolutely the case. He couldn't imagine not hating Conductor. It would be like... like touching water and not getting wet or biting into a lemon and not tasting sourness. It was just unthinkable.

Conductor leaned down, raking his claws through the sand. They came up empty; whatever he'd thought he'd seen hadn't paid off. He shook his head as he continued walking.

"Ah think...", he began slowly, then paused as he tried to find the best way to express his thoughts.
"Hate's a strong word and it definitely describes what we've got, but Ah think... Ah think it's a good kind of hate. The lass had it right when she said that Ah wouldnae want ya to be gone. Arguing with other people is all nice and well, but they cannae match ya. And... peck, ya're an annoying, obnoxious, gaudy peck neck, yer movies are absolute garbage, the racket ya call music makes me want to bite me own ears off and yer clothes are a crime, but ya're nae a bad person. Ya're probably a better person than Ah am."

...Oh.

Grooves swallowed. He felt himself blush beneath his feathers and he wasn't even sure why. Embarrassment, mostly. Because, well... the thing was...

That wasn't true. It just wasn't true. He was perhaps a more well-mannered person that Conductor, a more polite person, a friendlier person even, but not...

"...Well, you are so rude that it's a miracle nobody has punched you yet, you wouldn't recognize good manners if they bit you on the beak, your clothes are about as drab and shabby as your movies and your arrogance is quite frankly infuriating, but I'll have to disagree with you there. You were not the one who tried to murder a child."

"Eeeeeh... Ah guess so. Ah mean, putting a kid on a train that's got a bomb on it probably counts as attempted murder", Conductor said.

"...I guess it does. Why did you do that anyway?"

Conductor shrugged. "Just... seemed like a good idea at the time."

That it had. Grooves felt much the same. For some reason, 'keep a Time Piece, rewind time to cheat your rival out of everything he has achieved and keep a knife ready in case the little darling comes to get her belongings back' had sounded like a good idea at the time. But now he had to live with the knowledge that he was the kind of man who not only had ideas like that, but actually went through with them.

His hands were shaking. He clasped them together, squeezed tightly until the pressure became almost painful.

Did Conductor feel like this when he thought back to that bomb, that day on the train? Did he feel guilty about it? Or had he just shrugged it off, callous and carefree as ever?

But Conductor had made up for his actions. He had helped the kid. He had cut that bomb off of her back. He had joined her in the fight against the girl with the mustache. He had done his part.
Grooves hadn't. Sometimes, he wished he had joined that fight as well. But he'd been busy struggling with the realization that he might actually live to see another morning, which... had not seemed very likely on that day.

Because he was not a better person than Conductor. He wasn't even a good person. He was, to put it quite bluntly... a bad guy.

"Still. I am... not a good person", he said. His voice was trembling and he tried hard to keep it steady. "I want to be. I try to be."

"Then ya're already miles ahead of me, lad. Ah've never tried in me life."

...So it just comes naturally to you? The love you hold for your daughters and your grandchildren? The way you care about a little girl from a completely different planet? The gentleness with which you cradled me when you fed me water, the worry as you tried to warn me over and over not to go to the desert? None of that required any effort all?

The fact that he had gotten away scot-free was unbelievable. He was alive. He wasn't in prison. His reputation was intact. He hadn't been judged. And the hatted darling had forgiven him. The only real consequence he had suffered was that his left arm was ever-so-slightly weaker than before. And, well...

...that just didn't feel like enough.

"Ya know... trying means a lot", Conductor said. His voice was surprisingly gentle. "If ya really were a bad person, ya'd nae be trying to be a good one."

Grooves tried to smile. It felt awkward and wrong. "I don't think that would hold up in front of a judge, darling. Or anyone, really."

"Peh, what judge? Only judge Ah've ever seen 'round here was the brat with the mustache and that one's nae exactly a saint herself. Woulda been a right hypocrite to judge ya fer stealing a Time Piece to grant yerself power when she did the exact same thing times thousand."

"I don't think that would have stopped her."

"Aye, but we coulda mocked her fer it. That woulda been fun."

"Yes, a lovely idea. Then we could have burned together", Grooves spat. "Not that that wouldn't have happened either way. Or do you think you would have counted as a good guy in her eyes?"

...

Silence. Grooves crossed his arms.

"That's what I thought", he said.

Conductor didn't answer. He was staring off into the distance, seemingly deep in thoughts. Then he sighed softly.

"Ya would have been fine", he said.

"Uh... no", Grooves pointed out. "I would not have been fine. I would have died."

"What fer? Trying to take the blame fer yer greedy peck neck of a rival who couldnae deal with losing the award and tried to kill some innocent kid in the studio basement out of anger?"

...

"W-what?"

He... he had misheard that. He must have misheared it. There was no way that he'd heard that correctly.

"Aye, would have been mighty nice of ya to try and save me life, but Ah was gonna get to her first and Ah had a whole story ready to tell her. About that stupid penguin who seems to think Ah'd want his help after he stole me award, like Ah need yer pity, like Ah need ya to lie fer me! And then when ya woulda walked in to tell her yer side of the story, it would have sounded like ya were trying to protect me. Like a proper good guy, nice and selfless! The stupid lass would have fallen fer it hook, line and sinker, Ah bet!"

Grooves slowled to a stop. His beak was hanging open, but he couldn't find the strength to close it.
"That... d-darling. Darling, you were planning to... take the blame... for me?"

"Nae just fer ya. Fer some of the owls as well, fer me family, fer some cat Ah overheard crying 'bout how there'd be nobody to feed her kids if she died. Figured Ah might as well, what's the harm in it?"

"What's the ha... you could have died! You would have died!"

Conductor smirked. "Ah would have died anyway, aye? Ya literally just pointed that out, peck neck."

"B-but..." But not for my crimes. Not for my sake.

"And besides, lil' fun fact fer ya: Ah would nae have died! Remember how she was punishing people?"

All to well. After all, he'd been certain it would happen to him.

He shuddered at the thought. Burning in lava, flames engulfing his body. He wondered if it would have been a swift death at least or if he would have lived long enough to feel his skin burn off.

...Wait. Burning...

Oh. Right.

"...You are fireproof."

Well, now he just felt stupid. Of course - how had he forgotten? Conductor couldn't burn, he was fireproof. He hadn't risked anything that day.

...Or had he?

Conductor might be immune to the desert heat and normal flames, but actual lava was something else entirely. Hotter, much hotter. There was a difference between the fire of a furnace or an oven and actual molten rock.

How certain were you that it would work, Conductor? Did you know for sure? Or were you really ready to...

How much more am I going to owe you? You could have ruined my life, but you didn't. You could have left me to die of heatstroke, but you didn't. Now it turns out you were ready to die for me?!

Grooves swallowed.

He was so deep in Conductor's debt, it wasn't even funny. How was he ever going to repay any part of that?!

Chapter Text

Their spiral continued.

They had walked the entire day and they still hadn't found any trace of the kid. Grooves' faith in their current approach was starting to waver, but he couldn't think of anything better. So he trailed after Conductor, kept his eyes open and silently hoped that their efforts wouldn't be in vain.

He had found six more chunks of fire agate and Conductor's responses had gradually shifted from amused to flabbergasted. Apparently they were supposed to be rare. Grooves failed to see how that could possibly be the case; he was practically tripping over them. Maybe he'd get a necklace made from them. Or maybe he'd find another dozen and make a belt.

He would have preferred to find a trace of the girl, though.

Conductor stared up at the sinking sun with visible annoyance on his face. He seemed to have no problem looking directly at it - maybe the feathers that covered his eyes also shielded them from the sunlight? Or maybe his eyes were just naturally UV-proof, who knew. At this point, Grooves was ready to believe just about anything. He had grown to accept that Conductor was a being that defied classification.

"...We'll have to make camp soon", Conductor growled, clearly not happy about it.

Make camp? They couldn't do that! They couldn't just... how was he supposed to sleep knowing that the girl was off doing gods knew what, maybe even hurt or in danger?!

"But we have to keep searching!", he protested and Conductor shot him a glare.

"Ya think Ah dinnae know that?! Ya think Ah like it?!"

"Surely we can search a little longer!", Grooves pressed. "What was the problem? Scorpions? Well, your skin is thick enough to shrug them off and I", he gestured down at his shoes, "am essentially on stilts!"

"Me flashlight was in her backpack. Ah can see pretty well in the dark, but ya cannae!"

"I have a flashlight! And not a cheap one, either!", he insisted. "Darling, just... just a few more hours!"

...

And Conductor relented.

"...Fine. A few more hours. Just be careful and stick close to me. Dinnae need ya to get lost, too."

It was perhaps the first time ever that Conductor relented during one of their arguments. In any other situation, Grooves would have cheered.

But now, he just nodded grimly. A few more hours, then. Hopefully they would pay off.

They were pretty far away from the spot they had started at by now. With their spiral getting constantly bigger, they had searched a sizable area - but of course, that area was nothing compared to the sheer size of the desert. Nothing but sand as far as the eye could see.

Their conversation had slowed a little by now. They had spent the past hour in silence. Grooves had asked Conductor about his injured arm once and Conductor's only response had been a curt "It's fine" accompanied by rubbing the bandaged wound. Grooves suspected that the injury was worse than Conductor was letting on, but pressing the other man about it likely wouldn't work well.

Instead, he took a moment to look off into the distance, scan the horizon. And what a sight it was!

The sun was almost at the horizon now. The sky around it was the color of molten gold and the clouds were a burning red like dying embers. The rest of the sky was dark purple, almost brown, with elegant streaks of greyish blue peeking through like wisps of daytime. Stretched out before it was the desert, gentle dunes and jagged rocks and gnarled trees all silhouetted against the magic.

Out here, where there was no smog, no exhaust fumes and no light pollution, the sky was purer and brighter than ever before. And Grooves - who had grown up with several brightly-lit night clubs in the immediate neighborhood and hadn't known what a proper night sky was meant to look like until his 15th birthday - stared at it with an open beak, trying to figure out how to replicate this for his next movie.

This. This as the backdrop of a choreography. Silhouettes, why had he never worked with silhouettes before? He needed to start using silhouettes. Gods, it was so beautiful. It would be so beautiful!

He needed thirty penguins, a camera and the right music right now.

There was a soft chuckle up ahead and Grooves realized that he had stopped walking. Now Conductor was a few feet ahead, looking back at him with a grin.

"Should have known ya'd go nuts fer a gaudy sunset."

Grooves didn't believe in the concept of gaudy. He loved glitter and sparkles and plush and brightly colored things. And this right here was nothing short of gorgeous.

He gestured towards the horizon. "Darling, just look at that! How can you not think this is beautiful?!"

Conductor walked back over to him. Tilted his head as he looked over at the magical display as if trying to figure out what Grooves saw in it.

"...Ya remind me of me ex-wife", he said fondly. "She was a real sky fanatic, too. Cannae count how many times she dragged me out of bed to watch a sunrise together. She used to paint them, too. Still got one of her works in me living room. Remind me to show it to ya one day, ya'll love it."

He smiled softly as he spoke, lost in memories. Which made Grooves wonder about something that he had noticed a few times by now, but had never dared to ask about. They were not friends, after all (or were they?) and so Conductor's private life was really none of his business. But they'd been talking about a lot of strange things today, things that likely would never have come up in the studio, so... maybe it was okay to push a little bit.

Only a little, though. They were somewhat getting along right now, but this was still touching a line he normally would have stayed away from.

"Darling, may I ask you a question? You do not have to answer it if you don't want to."

A moment of silence.

"...Go ahead."

"Why did you get divorced?"

...

Silence, again. Conductor had frozen in place, not moving a muscle. When he moved again, it was only to turn his head away from Grooves.

"...Why are ya asking."

Grooves swallowed. He hadn't just touched a line, he had crossed a line. But it was too late to back out now.

"Because I've never heard you say a bad word about her."

...

Conductor clenched his fists. He stared off towards the sunset, very pointedly not looking at Grooves. His hands were trembling.

Grooves opened his beak to change the topic or at least remind Conductor that he didn't need to answer. But before he could say anything, Conductor spoke.

"...Ya... ya know how Ah have two daughters?", he said, with a voice that was much quieter and weaker than Grooves would have thought possible from him.

"Y-yes?"

"...Ah had a son. Fer...", he swallowed. "Fer a few minutes."

...It took a few seconds for Grooves to understand what Conductor had just said. But once the realization settled in, he grew pale.

Oh no. Oh no, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for bringing it up.

"Darling, I..."

But Conductor just kept talking, seemingly more to himself than anything else.

"He was so small, Grooves", he whispered. "The smallest little bird ya've ever seen. Ah could put both of me hands around him, just like that. And he had the cutest little feet. But... but his skull was..."

He sank to the ground. His fingers scratched patterns into the sand as he kept talking, voice quivering.

"...his skull was nae shaped right and he could nae open his beak properly, and we called the ambulance but they... they didna get there in time. They... they probably would nae have been able to save him anyway, b-but..."

He tried to stifle a sob. It didn't quite work.

And Grooves felt just terrible.

There was a lump in his throat and no matter how much he swallowed, it wouldn't leave. Why, why hadn't he just kept his beak shut!?

He sat down next to Conductor and carefully placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. He was half expecting Conductor to shove him away, but what happened instead made his stomach twist: Conductor shuddered and leaned into the touch.

He must be truly aching if he's willing to accept comfort from me.

"Ah had him in me hands when he... when he...", Conductor couldn't bring himself to say the word. "Ah j-just wanted him to know that his daddy was there... and that he was nae alone... Ah know he was only a baby and probably didna even know what was happening, but..."

"I understand", Grooves whispered. "I... I know you did your best. You did all you could."

Conductor didn't respond. Maybe he hadn't even heard it. He was audibly crying by now and Grooves realized with a start that he had never heard the other man cry before.

"And... and we didna have time to really d-deal with it. We shoulda grieved, we be shoulda talked, but we still had two b-babies to take care off and Ah had me job and so we never..."

He sniffed. "And Ah guess... when ya let something like that fester, ya just... ya cannae come b-back from it. Ah developed a drinking problem, she developed OCD and we... eventually we realized that our relationship was just... too broken to fix. Maybe... maybe if we'd worked harder fer it, if we'd talked more... but it's too late now."

He buried his face in his arms.

Grooves gently squeezed his shoulder. Part of him wanted to hug Conductor, but he wasn't sure if that would be welcome. The last thing he wanted right now was to upset the man further.

"I am so sorry, my darling", he said softly. "I... I shouldn't have asked."

"...It's fine. Ya... ya could nae have known." Conductor's voice was muffled now, but it most certainly did not sound fine. "Ah still... Ah still have a piece of his egg shell. To remember him by. And Ah got meself two beautiful daughters that turned out amazing despite the mess. Ah'm grateful fer that, even if... no, it's enough. They're enough. Ah'm... nae over it, Ah dinnae think it's possible to get over something like this, but Ah... can accept it."

They sat in silence for a minute or two before Conductor cleared his throat.

"Do... do ya have a family? D-dinnae think Ah ever asked."

Grooves recognized the question for what it was: A desperate request for a topic change. A request that he certainly wouldn't deny.

He tried to keep his voice calm and comforting as he answered: "Only my parents. I've never managed to keep up a proper relationship for some reason. Leading a night club, heh", the laugh was fake and it wasn't convincing, "doesn't exactly surround you with people who want a steady relationship."

"...Aye, Ah g-guess Ah can see that. You... you ever want one? Ever want k-kids?"

His voice was still shaky.

"I've thought about it. I like kids", he loved kids, "but... there are a few hurdles."

"Such as...?"

Grooves shrugged.

"Gay, for starters."

He wasn't sure what the Conductor's response to that would be. It wasn't necessarily a secret, but... he wasn't exactly open about it either. He wasn't in a relationship, he wasn't looking for a relationship and the press had lost interest in the matter long ago. He wasn't sure if Conductor knew or not - or how he felt about it. Some people made an awful fuss about it.

Conductor raised his head. His cheeks were damp with tears, but he was breathing evenly again and it seemed like he had stopped crying.

"So? Ya can adopt. Adopted children are just as valid as biological ones."

Huh. Looked like Conductor was not one of those people. Grooves breathed a sigh of relief and immediately wondered why. Since when did he care about Conductor's opinion?

Conductor wiped his sleeve across his face. It came away wet.

"Me... me parents taught me that. They talked about it a lot. Ah dinnae even know why, Ah didna even know anyone who was adopted."

...I think I can guess why. But he wasn't going to say it. Especially not right now!

He'd done enough damage for one day. Good gods, he felt awful. Why had he pried into Conductor's private business anyway?! He should have known better!

"I do agree with that", he said and somehow managed to keep his voice steady. Don't... just don't bring it back up. Distract him. "But I'd still need a partner for that, darling. I don't want to be a single father. And... to be honest, I don't think I should be a father at all. I'm not very good with children."

"...Now that gotta be a lie", Conductor said, grabbed Grooves' good shoulder and pushed himself up. "Me grandchildren are crazy 'bout ya. Pretty sure at least one of them's gonna have 'penguin' as their first word at this rate."

Grooves blinked. That... really? He hadn't been aware of that, but then again... children did tend to like him. Mostly because...

"I can't say no to little kids", he explained and got up as well. Conductor had already started to walk again and Grooves followed. "I'm not assertive enough, at least not when it involves toddlers. And they, uh... somehow, they always seem to sense that."

"Aah, so that's why they like ya! Aye, any child worth their salt can smell a sucker from two miles away."

Grooves nodded. "I wish I had siblings", he said. "I'd be a good uncle."

"Aye, probably", Conductor said. His voice had stabilized again and it seemed like he was going to pretend that the previous part of their conversation simply hadn't happened. "Tell ya what: Next time Ah'm babysitting me grandkids, ya can lend a hand. They dinnae listen anyway, so it does nae matter if ya cannae tell them no."

"R-really?" It had been ages since he'd gotten to spent time with a toddler, let alone eight of them! And Conductor's grandchildren were adorable. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Hey, if ya're occupied with them, ya cannae work on yer movies! Mind ya, neither can Ah, but at least then it's equal again."

Of course.

But he smiled anyway.

"I'm looking forward to it, darling."

"Dinnae say that too early. These blighters are a pecking horror to keep track of", Conductor said, but he was smiling. "Ya could zip-tie them to the ceiling and they'd still find a way to run off."

"Oh, I know. I still don't know how that one got into my office that one...", and he cut himself off, having spotted a by now very familiar glint. He leaned down, picked it up and wordlessly held up another fire agate.

"...Can ya smell the pecking things?! Are ya like a truffle hog but fer gemstones?!"

"They're everywhere! It's not my fault that-"

Crack.

Both of them froze.

"...What was that?!"

"Ah've got no clue!"

They looked around in a panic. But the desert around them looked unchanged, nothing seemed different.

Crack!

...From below. The sound was coming from below.

Grooves looked down. There was nothing but sand and pebbles under his feet. Nothing that could reasonably make a sound like this.

He would have felt better if Conductor hadn't looked equally confused. If Conductor had chuckled and called him a dim-witted peck neck for not recognizing this very common and perfectly normal desert noise. But Conductor was staring down as well, looking every bit as confused as Grooves.
Which meant that this was not normal and probably not good.

CRACK!

CRASH!

The ground shattered under their feet.

Chapter Text

Hat Kid was a pretty positive person.

There were a lot of things she liked. She liked cute outfits and pretty hats. She liked her spaceship and her Rumbi and her friends and her family. She liked hot baths with lots of bubbles, fluffy animals, being a movie star, chocolate with nuts in it and refrigerator magnets.

She even liked things that most people would not have liked, such as people who had actively tried to murder her. Not all of them of course, but most of them. She liked the Snatcher and DJ Grooves and the mafia and Mustache Girl.

But of course, even she didn't just blindly like everything. There were plenty of things she didn't like, such as wet socks, toilets, cucumbers, Queen Vanessa, the smell of mint and the basement at her grandmother's house.

But right now, first place on the list of things she disliked belonged very firmly to this cave system.

She hated this pecking cave system!

The second tunnel had not been a dead end. So far, everything was fine and dandy.

The second tunnel had led to more tunnels.

And the tunnel she had picked there had also led to more tunnels.

And then two of those tunnels had indeed led to dead ends.

And yet there were still more tunnels to pick from.

This wasn't a cave system. This was a maze. She had not signed up for solving a maze. She did not like mazes. She hadn't known that she didn't like mazes until today, but she absolutely did not like mazes. And with every step she took, the urge to backtrack and just blow up that stupid wall got stronger.

She stared at the three (three!) tunnels in front of her that she had yet to explore.

But. First things first. She turned around, looking back at the tunnel she had come from. It stretched on into the darkness.

She picked up a few pebbles - the one thing she had no shortage of down here, apart from tunnels - and arranged a few of them in a specific shape. It was a circle inside of a square. Simple, easily done, but also obvious and clearly not natural.

This symbol meant 'I came from here'. Because she wasn't stupid - she knew better than to run blindly into this maze! She knew she had to mark her way somehow!

There was also a triangle inside of a circle, which meant 'this tunnel is a dead end'. So far, those were her only two symbols. She still had the 'square inside of a triangle' option in case she needed a third one. She had considered making a symbol for 'I hate this place with a burning passion', but there weren't enough pebbles in the world to make that symbol as often as she wanted to.

With the symbol finished, she turned her attention back to the pick-a-tunnel puzzle that she was currently stuck in. She mainly followed her hat. Her hat pointed vaguely in the right direction. When the best available tunnel didn't go anywhere, she went back and picked the next best one. So far, that strategy hadn't worked, but it seemed reasonable enough.

Right now, the best avaliable tunnel was the left one. So she marched forwards, the beam of her flashlight sweeping over more rocks. So many rocks. She never wanted to see another rock in her life.

She was met by a cold breeze as she continued. That was another thing she'd noticed: The tunnels kept getting colder and colder. Was that a sign that she was going further down? If so, that was a pretty bad sign. She wanted to go back up.

How deep did this maze go, anyway?! At this rate, she'd walk out on the other side of the planet! Which she'd be honestly fine with at this point.

She wanted to get out of here, and not only because she was boring and exhausted. Something felt wrong about this place. Call it a gut feeling but something told her that there was trouble lurking down here.

She gripped her umbrella tighter, just in case, and looked at the many shadows around her.

She had been a little worried about the flashlight dying, but a closer investigation of her backpack had revealed a pack of spare batteries. So she didn't need to think about that anytime soon. Good job, Conductor... although she still thought that he should have brought a better flashlight to begin with. If she ever made it out of here, she'd gift him a flashlight from her home planet. One of the really bright ones that could be used for self defense. Or to light up an entire village.

For now, she just had to keep walking and hoping.

Sooner or later, she would either find an exit or discover that all available tunnels were dead ends. If the first thing happened, that was great. If the second thing happened, well... the brewing hat was still an option. It wasn't the best or smartest or safest option, but it was an option which meant that it could be her last option.

Well... no, scratch that. The last option was teleporting back to her ship. Which, mind you, was starting to sound like a better idea with every passing minute. How long had she been down here anyway?!

But no, no. She couldn't. She had to find the Time Piece, she had to get back to her friends, she wouldn't be able to get back here anytime soon if she left like that. And she couldn't leave without the Time Piece. That was her job, the sole reason why she was here to begin with.

It was her first big mission. Her first big mission after her promotion. She couldn't mess that up. She had to prove that she could do this!

Maybe the Time Piece was responsible for the maze. Maybe it had created this maze to torment her for not finding it sooner.

She shook her head at her own thoughts. What was she even thinking about?! Time Pieces weren't sentient! At least not as far as she knew.

Ugh. She was tired.

...No, seriously. How long had she been down here? Hours? It had felt like hours, but she'd thought that that was just because of the boredom, but if it had actually been hours, then maybe it was genuinely time to sleep.

Oooh. Maybe that was why it was getting colder. Maybe that just meant that the sun was setting! And in that case, it getting colder might actually be a good thing! Maybe it meant she was getting closer to the surface!

With renewed vigor, she picked up speed and eagerly rushed down the tunnel until she reached the end. Which consisted of...

Two more tunnels.

Peck all of this. Honestly. This entire place. Every inch of it. It could all burn in hell for all she cared. She wanted to fight the toilet again, even that had been better than this.

She was also kind of getting hungry. She had taken her electrolyte pills (she wasn't sure if those were necessary down here since it wasn't hot, but better safe than sorry. She was pretty sure they weren't harmful) but those weren't exactly filling. She had also found a few cereal bars and some rice cakes in her backpack and those weren't the best dinner, but it would have to do.

She sat down, leaned against the wall. Something brushed up against her leg as she did so - probably a bug or a lizard. She half-heartedly waved to shoo it off.

Sleeping down here. Not the most inviting idea. But she was tired and now that she had sat down, her feet were loudly protesting the idea of getting up again.

So she ate a cereal bar and two rice cakes, drank some water and pulled her camping mat from the backpack. She had most of the camping supplies actually and she really hoped that Conductor and Grooves wouldn't do too badly without them. A tarp wasn't that important, right? Could Conductor fall asleep laying down or did he absolutely need to hang upside down?

She yawned.

They'd probably be fine. Conductor could just find a tall rock or something. And sand was soft. Really, she was the one who needed to be pitied here - she was sitting on cold, hard rock!

Hopefully she'd find a way out tomorrow. She... she really didn't like the idea of getting stuck down here for two days.

...DJ Grooves and the Conductor were looking for her, right? They had to be! Surely they'd find her. Even if she didn't find a way out all on her own, they'd get her out. Yes. It would be just fine.

She yawned again, this time louder. Her body was sending a pretty clear message here.

"Alright, fine", she mumbled and wriggled into her sleeping bag. That was nice and warm, if a little too big, and she could find some comfort in that.

She dozed off quickly and slept tightly - so tightly that even the sound of a ceiling caving in nearby wouldn't have woken her up.

And it didn't.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Grooves groaned.

His knees were hurting. His sunglasses were missing. Everyhing was blurry. There was something heavy on his stomach. And his jacket, which had been loosely slung over his shoulders, was missing as well.

What had just happened?!

He remembered... noise. A sound. A strange sound. A cracking.

Now he was laying on the ground half buried under sand and rubble. The last faint beams of sunlight shone down through a hole, dousing the scene in faint golden light.

...A hole?

Dots connected, snapped together. He was laying in a cavern underground. The... the ground had collapsed. They'd been right above a cave and the rock underneath them had been thin and brittle enough to collapse under their weight.

With a groan, he shoved the rubble aside and clambered to his feet. Only to freeze in awe at what he saw.

Ice.

The cave was completely frozen over. The walls were coated in a thick layer of gleaming ice, heavy icicles hung down from above and the ground was cold and slippery. A bit further ahead was what he quickly recognized as a frozen lake - a body of water down here, beneath the desert, that was frozen over with a thin layer of ice. Except in one spot, where a hole had been punched through the ice.

Grooves chuckled at the realization that Conductor, who'd been several feet ahead of him, had likely crashed straight through it and landed in the water. He could see a curled-up silhouette through the ice - poor guy. Ah well, at least his landing had been slightly softer than Grooves' own. Hopefully he hadn't hurt his injured arm any more.

But... why ice?

He wasn't opposed to it! No, after two full days of walking through the desert heat, he was more than happy about a chance to cool off. But that didn't make it any less strange, did it?

He ran a hand over the wall. The ice thawed ever-so-slightly under his fingers and his hand came away wet. No, definitely real ice. Not a prop, not a trick, not glass or crystal or anything like that. It was ice.

Ice which had no business being here. Absolutely none. He didn't know much about deserts, but he did know that.

...Oh, there were his sunglasses. Still in one piece, too. He dusted them off and put them back on, instantly feeling more at ease. Although 'more' didn't mean much in this case - he was still very much uneasy, because no part of this was right.

The day had been hot. Sure, it was getting cold up there now, but that was now. But ice this thick didn't just happen in a few minutes. It would have taken several days of freezing temperatures to create this place. And they hadn't had that. At all.

Maybe the caves were just naturally cold? But he dismissed that thought the second it came up; how absurd. Why would they be? A little colder than the surface, yes, but below freezing when the surface was hot enough to give you heatstroke? That didn't make any sense.

But then why ice?

He shuddered. Not from the cold - from the general atmosphere. This place felt... wrong. This place was wrong.

...
Also, different topic but equally important: How were they going to get back up?

He looked up, craning his neck.

The hole they'd fallen through was so far up that even he and Conductor put together would not have been able to reach it. Sand trickled down from it like some kind of hourglass.

And the ice - he pressed his hand against it again. He knew Conductor could climb walls even if they were almost vertical, but what about frozen, slippery walls? Would he be able to get up there?

What if the answer was no?

He'd have to ask Conductor about it. Grooves looked over to the hole in the ice. He was taking his time down there, wasn't he? Maybe he'd found something of... interest...

...Not a penguin.

Not a penguin! NOT A PENGUIN!

"CONDUCTOR!"

Grooves sprinted over and jumped.

Icy water crashed over his head as he dove down. The cold sank into his feathers, but it didn't matter to him.

His arms closed around the lifeless heap of yellow feathers at the bottom of the lake.

Conductor's body was cold as ice and completely limp. He didn't move at all as Grooves dragged him out of the water.

He looked horrible.

He was eerily pale and his whole body was shivering violently. His clothes were drenched, as were his feathers. The water was already starting to freeze, covering Conductor's feathers in a thin layer of ice.

It looked kind of beautiful. It was also really, really bad.

"Darling! Darling, p-please..."

Grooves pressed his hand to Conductor's neck and found a pulse. But it was slow and sluggish. His breathing was uneven and accompanied by faint wheezing. He didn't respond to being touched at all.

And Grooves, a penguin who had grown up surrounded by other penguins, desperately tried to remember what to do when somebody got too cold. That was not a penguin problem.

The... the wet clothes had to go. That was a good start.

He took them off as quickly as he could, albeit carefully as not to hurt Conductor by accident. The fabric cracked audibly as the ice coating it shattered. He stripped Conductor down to his underwear, tossed his backpack into the corner and then ran to fetch his own jacket. He found it close to where he'd woken up, buried in the sand.

"Come here, darling", he whispered, wrapping the jacket tightly around Conductor's trembling body. "I'm sorry, I... I should have been faster. You... you could insult me for that if you want...?"

The other man shifted ever-so-slightly. But he didn't wake up.

The jacket wasn't enough. That could only preserve body heat. Conductor didn't have any body heat right now.

External warmth. He needed external warmth. Something to warm him from the outside.

A fire would help. But there was nothing to light and while he knew that the Conductor had matches in his backpack, those were definitely soaked now. As was everything else that had been in that backpack.

What other ways were there to warm somebody up? And more importantly: Were there any ways that were possible with their current circumstances?

...

He couldn't think of any way to light a fire. He didn't have a blanket or anything like that. Was there a way to get him to a warmer place?

He looked around. What he saw didn't fill him with confidence: The walls were still as vertical and slippery as before, the hole they had fallen through was still too high up to be reached and while he did spot some paths leading deeper into the cave, they seemed to go straight rather than up.

He was stuck down here. Alone with no way out. And the only other person around was slowly freezing to death in front of him.

Don't worry. I'm not letting that happen.

He inhaled deeply. Puffed up his plumage.

And slowly, gently, pulled Conductor into a hug.

He tried to make himself as fluffy as possible as he embraced his rival. Buried the man in a nest of warm feathers and rested his chin on Conductor's head.

There we go.

Gods, Conductor felt so cold!

But between the jacket and Grooves' soft feathers, he'd hopefully warm up quickly. There were still a few ice crystals stuck in his feathers and Grooves gently brushed them off. They melted on his hand and he shook the drops off.

Come on, my darling. I believe in you. You are way too stubborn to die like this.

The Conductor was breathing steadily now, but his breaths were still shallow. Even with their bodies pressed together, Grooves could barely feel the rise and fall of his chest.

"Hang in there, darling", he whispered. "Just breathe. Nice and slow. You're going to be okay."

He rubbed circles into the Conductor's back, trying to get his blood circulation going. It was surprisingly difficult. His fingers kept getting caught on matted feathers. Didn't the guy ever get preened properly? Sure, the back was hard to reach on your own, but that's what other birds were for! Grooves had never struggled to find a helpful beak.

...But Conductor, selfish, arrogant, rude Conductor, probably did struggle with that. And sure, that was his own fault for being a jerk, but...

...Scratch the preening. When was the last time somebody had held him like this? Grooves racked his brain, trying to remember if he'd ever seen somebody hug Conductor.

...

Nothing. Even his daughters rarely ever seemed to touch him. The only people who ever tried to hug him were his grandchildren.

...There were not a lot of people who cared about Conductor.

Grooves swallowed as he looked down at his unconscious rival. He had no doubts that if he himself were to die - if he had overheated in that cursed desert, for example - people would have mourned, and mourned sincerely. Not just his family, but... his crew, his fans. His old friends back on the moon. His old coworkers.

How many people would mourn Conductor if he froze to death here? His daughters, of course, his ex-wife... but his parents were dead, his crew and passengers feared him, his grandchildren were too young to understand...

Grooves pulled him ever-so-slightly closer.

Then, without even really meaning to, he began to preen.

Chapter Text

...

Warm.

That was the first thought that came to Conductor's mind when he woke up: Warm. Warm and soft.

He was leaning against something incredibly soft and comfortable, yet also sturdy and strong. It was as if somebody had taken the softest, fluffiest, plushest material possible and had used it to wallpaper a big rock.

He purred happily and tried to snuggle closer to it.

The warm thing rumbled in response, a steady and comforting noise. It smelled familiar, too - cloyingly sweet, but nonetheless known and trusted. What was it? He couldn't quite pinpoint it at the moment. His head felt like it was full of cotton for some reason.

He managed to open his eyes a little. But he couldn't see anything, because his face was pressed up against the soft thing.

He could pull away, of course. That was an option.

...

Seeing things was overrated anyway.

The warm was especially welcome because there had previously been cold. He grimaced as he remembered the cold. Cold was bad. He didn't like cold.

There was still some cold even now, in places where he wasn't touching the warm thing. Cold that tugged at his feathers and seeped into his skin. The warm thing wasn't big enough to warm all parts of him at once. That was annoying. He wanted the cold to go away.

He finally remembered what the smell was. Of course... Grooves' perfume. A mix of strawberry, vanilla and lavender.

Satisfied that he'd solved that puzzle, he closed his eyes again.

...

Grooves' perfume?!

Oh, peck no!

His eyes snapped open as reality reasserted itself.

He was leaning against Grooves, with his face buried in Grooves' chest. He'd snuggled closer to him. He'd been nuzzling his nemesis. Grooves even had his arms wrapped around him!

His cheeks flushed bright red at the sheer thought of it.

He violently shoved the penguin away. Or tried to. So maybe that violent shove was more of a loose swipe. Maybe he just sort of weakly pawed at Grooves' chest. That didn't change the meaning behind it!

But Grooves just smiled happily and didn't even lower his arms.

"Are you awake, darling?", he asked softly. "How... how are you feeling?"

Conductor opened his mouth to cuss him out. But all he managed was a hoarse croak. His throat felt sore and raspy and he swallowed - big mistake. It stung like he had eaten a pile of rusty razor blades!

"Nrgh!"

A gentle hand touched his throat.

"Don't speak. You... you swallowed a lot of cold water, my darling. Here, take this."

He pressed something into Conductor's hand. It was a bottle of water.

"I've been holding that for a while, tried to warm it up a little for you", Grooves said. "It should be lukewarm at least. Maybe it'll help."

Conductor glared at him, knowing fully well that Grooves couldn't see it. But he did take the bottle and he did take a few sips and peck, it did help.

"...Get yer hands off of me, peck neck!", he roared and immediately went into a coughing fit. "W-what do ya t-think ya're doing, c-cuddling me like..."

"Darling! Calm down, please!"

But at least Grooves finally let go. Conductor backed off a few steps and glared up at the penguin, who looked way too happy.

"What's the big deal?! Ah didna give ya permission to..."

Wait.

The cotton in his head wasn't quite gone yet. But Grooves' words had finally gotten through. Problem was, they made no sense whatsoever and Conductor was pretty sure it wasn't the cotton's fault.

"What do ya mean, Ah swallowed a lot of cold water? We're in a pecking desert, where did ya get cold water from?!"

Speaking of cold... he was feeling cold now that he was no longer pressed up against Grooves. What was up with that?!

"Well, ah..."

And Grooves made a sweeping gesture that seemed to indicate their surroundings in general. So Conductor did as he was told and looked around to find...

Ice?!

"The peck?!"

He was in a cave, which was already completely and utterly wrong. But for some godforsaken reason, said cave was also frozen over.

In a desert.

What the peck.

He stared up at gleaming icicles. Then down at the flat sheet of ice below them - a flat sheet with a hole in it. The edges were already starting to refreeze.

He remembered... noises. Falling.

Pain. Water.

Cold.

"...You broke through the ice and fell straight into the water", Grooves said. "I... I couldn't think of a better way to warm you up."

...

Conductor slowly walked over to the edge of the frozen lake. The ice bit into his feet and he grimaced with every step.

He could just barely see the murky water through the ice. It was pitch black, liquid darkness. The sheer sight of it made him feel faint. He didn't really remember falling into it, but... some part of his subconscious did remember. Back off, back off. Too close, too dangerous!

He took a hasty step back and decided to focus on his reflection in the ice instead. He expected to see a mangled mess of a bird. Instead, he found himself looking fairly decent, feathers neat and straightened out.

And he was wearing Grooves' jacket. It was the only thing he was wearing apart from his underwear.

"Why am Ah..."

"Because your own clothes were drenched, darling", Grooves said, reading Conductor's mind somehow. Or was he just that predictable? "And, ah... I'm afraid they're kind of frozen solid now."

Right. That... that made sense. Except no, no part of this made sense.

"Why is anything frozen?! What did ya do?!

"What did I... how in the world is this my fault?!"

"It's gotta be somebody's fault!"

"And that somebody is me?!"

"Obviously!"

Grooves groaned.

"I apprechiate the sentiment, but I am not in fact powerful enough to freeze a cave solid!"

"Who else did it... then..."

Conductor trailed off. They stared at each other.

"...The Time Leak?"

"The Time Leak."

Conductor sighed. Well... it was better than brainwashing flowers at least. Still not exactly pleasant. Oh peck, Grooves had saved his life, hadn't he? He owed his life to that peck neck! Or no, technically...

"...Ah guess we're even. Ah saved ya and ya saved me", he commented while zipping the jacket shut. Although on him it was really more of a robe than a jacket. And what on earth was this thing made from anyway? He ran his hand over it. It felt smooth and plasticky.

"...Pleather? Ya wore a pleather jacket into the desert?! Were ya trying to get roasted?!"

"It's not that bad", Grooves said and Conductor rolled his eyes.

"Remind me to get ya a proper leather jacket. Cannae have ya wearing this nonsense, Ah dinnae even want to be in the same room as this thing! Why's there so much glitter on it?!"

"Because I happen to like glitter."

"To the point where ya do yer laundry with it? Because that's what it feels like." He tried to wipe some of the glitter off, but it just got stuck in his feathers. "Argh! Now look what ya've done! Ah'm gonna be sparkly fer months!"

Grooves, that bastard, just chuckled.

"Good, that'll brighten up your drab appearance. In fact, look at that - who would have thought? You almost look handsome now that you're wearing some color for once!"

"Ah wear color! Me ties are colored! It's called an splash of color, just a splash, and it's what sane people do to avoid looking like a rainbow puked on them!"

"Darling, I am confident that no person in history has ever considered you to be sane."

Peck, he loved arguing with Grooves. Look at that quick response. Look at that smirk. Nobody else could do it like that.

But as much as he loathed it, they had more important things to do right now. He'd have to cut the argument short for now, continue it later.

He looked around again.

The walls... no way in hell he was climbing them. Not with ice covering them. He'd slip and break his neck. So climbing out through the hole they'd fallen through - not an option.

Ice.

It had to be the Time Leak's doing. There was no other explanation. Deserts didn't just randomly decide to freeze over. All in all, it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened, even if his body was starting to disagree. His feet in particular were starting to feel like ice cubes!

They needed to fix this. This just wasn't right. Ice had no place in his desert. He didn't feel comfortable with this... he didn't feel comfortable down here. It felt like there was something lurking behind him, waiting to pounce at him, making his skin crawl. But when he glanced over his shoulder, he found nothing there.

But the discomfort didn't fade. He shook himself, tried to shake it off.

It occurred to him now that the lass had never bothered to tell them what to do about a Time Leak. Did they just need to find the Time Piece? Was that it? Or was there more to it? How did these stupid things even work?!

To think he had been using them as props. To think the lass was using them as fuel! These... these pecking little troublemakers and all the mess they could cause! They'd been nothing but trouble! With their time travelling and their rifts and now this... this nonsense where they could brainwash goats and grow jungles and apparently freeze caves solid and you couldn't even smash them to pieces, because that just activated them!

He hoped that burning them for fuel destroyed them. He wanted these awful things to be gone.

...Was the lass nearby? If she had any control over where she was and what she was doing, she'd probably try and seek out the Time Leak. And that in turn would bring her here.

And she would know what to do. So... was that the smartest option? Just wait for her here and hope for the best? Try to seek her out? Try to locate the Time Piece? Was it even safe for them down here?

Ugh. Too many questions and not enough answers.

He stretched and yawned. Looked up at the hole in the ceiling again - the sky outside was pitch black and littered with stars.

"...How long was Ah unconscious?"

"A few hours", Grooves said. He'd walked up to Conductor and held something out. "Here. Your backpack. It's, uh... it's a little frozen."

"Aye, Ah can... see that."

He opened it anyway and peeked inside. Naturally, everything inside was covered in frost. But the things in the very center were at least somewhat dry. He fished out his spare pair of shoes. They were a little damp, but... good enough. Better than bare feet on ice.

Anything was better than bare feet on ice. He took a moment to rub his feet before putting the shoes on, trying to get his blood circulating again. Ah, yes. That was better.

...Had he really spent several hours unconscious in Grooves' arms?

The thought of that made him blush again. Weak and vulnerable in front of Grooves of all people!
Unconscious! Relying on the penguin for warmth! How humiliating, how infuriating, how... strangely comforting...

What?! No! What was he thinking?!

But speaking of comforting... something felt off. There... there was something wrong with his feathers.

Another look at his own reflection. His feathers looked to be perfectly neat. Which... they really shouldn't, actually. Not after everything he'd gone through today.

He should be looking like a feather duster after some vigorous spring cleaning. Instead, his feathers actually felt better than normally... fluffier and less matted. He reached out to feel his own back, touched the spot he usually had problems reaching properly. It was neat as neat could be, not a feather out of place.

"...Did ya preen me?"

"A little, yes", Grooves admitted. "To get the water out of your feathers."

Conductor swallowed as he pictured the scene: He himself lying unconscious and half frozen, resting against Grooves' soft chest, the penguin's arms wrapped around him, Grooves' beak gently tugging soaked feathers back into their rightful place...

"Oh, peck ya", he hissed. "Ya're the worst, ya know that?!"

"I had my suspicions", Grooves said drily.

"Ah bloody hate ya! Ya lousy, good-fer-nothing second-rate director wannabe!"

Grooves raised a brow, looking more amused than insulted.

"So I'm guessing you don't like being preened by others, then."

"Ah dinnae like being preened by ya!"

"Don't worry. I have zero intentions of doing it again."

"Good!"

What was that peck neck thinking?!

"We need to do something productive with our time", Conductor snarled. "Difficult concept fer ya, Ah know."

"I think dragging you out of a frozen lake and keeping you from dying of hypothermia was very productive, but what do I know."

"Ya know nothing! Case in point: What do ya think we ought to do now, huh?"

There was a pause as Grooves pondered.

"Well, I can see two paths leading out from this cave", he said. "The logical thing would be to explore them and see where they lead. Since there are two of us and two paths, I'd suggest that we each take one path - that'll put some distance between us, which I'd apprechiate right now. Of course, that brings with it the risk of getting lost, so we need to be cautious. I would propose that we only walk until we find either a dead end, an exit or a fork in the road, at which point we'll come back here and tell each other what we found. And then at that point, we can decide what to do next."

...Peck, that actually sounded like a pretty good plan. He wanted to find a flaw with it, but he couldn't. That was just plain rude of Grooves.

"...Alright, fine. Any plan that makes ya peck off fer a while is good in my opinion!"

"Excellent. I'll take that path", Grooves pointed at the far left side of the cave, "and you take the other one."

"Ah want the left one!"

"...Do you want it just because I said I'd take it?"

Stop looking right through me! "No!"

"...Alright, fine. You take the left one, I take the right one."

Conductor smirked. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. And he loved winning, especially against Grooves!

"Great! Off ya go, then. Peck off and try nae to screw everything up!"

"Same to you, darling."

With that they parted, turning towards their respective destination.

Chapter Text

Owls could see well in the dark and Conductor, who was most certainly an owl, was no exception. Which was good, because his flashlight had been in the lassie's backpack - like a lot of things. He'd taken full advantage of her strenght and was slightly regretting it now.

Grooves had a flashlight - Conductor had looked back to see him turn it on. It had been surprisingly bright, much better than his own. It needed to be... because if Conductor had seen things correctly, Grooves hadn't taken his sunglasses off. He chuckled at the memory; poor guy really had no clue what he was doing, huh?

But right now, he couldn't focus too much on Grooves. Right now, he had his own task to deal with.

The path he'd chosen was a winding tunnel, quite narrow and slippery from the ice that coated every inch of it. He threw wary glances at the icicles hanging down from the ceiling. He knew they likely weren't sharp enough to pierce his tough skin, but... he still didn't exactly feel comfortable being right underneath them.

He didn't feel comfortable in general. His memories were fuzzy and he was grateful for that - he'd rather not vividly remember almost drowning in icy water. His memories of that cursed cruise ship were already bad enough! And speaking of that: Those memories were having a field day right now. He kept having to remind himself that his grandkids were safe and secure with his older daughter right now.

And not scared and alone on a sinking ship.

Deep breaths. Except that the air was cold enough that breathing deeply actually hurt. So steady yet shallow breaths. Breaths that became fog as soon as they left his mouth, little clouds of smoke.

The one benefit of the cold was that it was numbing his injured arm a little. He ran a finger over the bandage and flinched. Okay, emphasis on 'a little'.

Actually, he probably ought to change the bandages. And peck, clean the wound - he'd taken a bath in dirty, freezing water!

So he paused, sat down for a moment and dug his first aid kit out of his backpack. Fortunally, that had survived the bath with minimal damage. It was just a little wet at the corners, but the contents seemed to be dry.

He unwound the gauze, revealing the claw marks below. So far, it didn't look too bad - they weren't bleeding anymore and there were no immediate signs of infection. He'd have to take it a bit easy on that arm for a while, but it should heal fine.

He still took the time to clean the wound again, apply some antiseptic just in case and put on some fresh bandages. That felt a little more comfortable at least. Time to continue.

Who would have thought that there'd be such an enourmous cave system right beneath the desert? How big was it, he wondered, and why hadn't he been aware of it before today?

Maybe the whole cave was the creation of the Time Leak and it simply hadn't existed before that. If so, would it keep existing afterwards?

He looked around, idly taking in the sight. Obviously, the coldness ruined everything. But if the ice were to melt and the tunnel remained, this wouldn't be a half bad place for filming.

The lighting would be a pain in the arse, of course. But the general atmosphere... the darkness, the confined space, the odd sense of wrongness, the complete silence interrupted only by the slight echo of his footsteps... it would lend itself perfectly to a murder mystery! Or peck... maybe it was time to finally take the step into flat-out horror. He'd been playing with that thought for ages and had never gone through with it.

A killer... no. A monster. A murderous, feral beast roaming the caverns it lived in, targetting the only living beings nearby, which, yes, were the passengers of the train whose tracks were directly above those caverns! Mysterious disturbances every time the train passes that spot! And then the train breaks down...

His fingers curled in sheer excitement. Screams of agony, blood splashing the windows, sharp and sudden cuts in every sense of the word...

Oh, he was so doing that. He just needed to figure out a way to get his train out here. Or maybe that wasn't even necessary - maybe if he shot the scenes just right, maybe with a little bit of greenscreening...

What would his own role be? Of course the obvious answer was that of the hero, the fearless conductor who would best the vile beast. But where was the horror in a happy ending? Wouldn't it be much more terrifying if the fearless hero died, if the monster emerged victorious? And in that case he could play the monster!

That could be fun. Prowl around on all fours and snarl at the owls? Tear apart some stuffed mannequins? Drench himself in fake blood and pounce straight at the camera?

He growled softly, just as practice. It echoed through the tunnel, a wild and ferocious rumble.

Okay, yep. He was absolutely doing that!

...

Later. Right now he had more important things to do. He blushed a little at the realization of how much he'd gotten distracted.

But he couldn't help it, okay? He'd been at this for decades! New and promising ideas were a rare resource nowadays, he couldn't afford to let one slip by! He wasn't like Grooves, who just threw a bunch of colors and special effects in a pot, gave it a stir and called it original - his movies required actual thought, careful planning, flawless plotlines. And when inspiration called, well... he certainly wasn't going to ignore it! He had awards to win!

A horror movie. How was that for a change of pace? He couldn't wait to see Grooves' expression when he found out. Thought I was running out of ideas, did you? Hah! As if!

Next year's award was already decided. Grooves might as well not even show up! But no, no, where would the fun in that be? He needed Grooves there. A little bit of competition was good for the soul.

It logically followed that a whole lot of competition was very good for the soul. And in that case, he and Grooves probably had the healthiest souls in the known universe.

He ducked as the tunnel's ceiling got lower. Peck, this thing went on forever!

...Perfect spot for a nice, long chase scene.

No! Focus! Stop getting distracted by movie ideas!

But it was so difficult. How was he supposed to concentrate when he could practically hear his muse calling?!

Come.

He sighed. He'd have to heed that call later. For now, he had a tunnel to explore.

The ice was getting thicker and chunkier. There were no animals of any kind - the bugs and reptiles that lived in the desert were nowhere to be seen. To them, this place had to be foreign and scary, cold and strange and filled with a substance that none of them had ever seen before. No wonder that they kept their distance. Conductor would have preferred to keep his distance too.

But he couldn't. He'd signed up for this nonsense of his own free will. Why hadn't he just let the lass go on her own?! Why had he made this his problem?! He could have just dropped her off, maybe given her some supplies, and then he wouldn't even be here.

He was just too nice for his own good. Had worried too much about her. A little girl with no experience all alone in the desert? What kind of father would he be if he allowed that to happen?! Capable or not, she was still a child!

Not that he was doing a good job of protecting her right now.

So. The Time Piece had frozen this place solid. Did that mean that it wasn't responsible for her disappearance? Or could Time Leaks have multiple effects? He silently cursed himself for not asking more questions about it. Even if he found the stupid thing, he wouldn't know what to do with...

Oh.

...

Scratch the 'even if'.

He had rounded a corner to find himself in a slightly larger cavern - large enough to park a car in. But there was no car in it. What was there was a quite frankly appaling amount of ice.

Shimmering spikes of ice formed a delicate structure that filled half of the room like a cluster of diamonds. Gorgeous crystals bigger than his entire body in shades of blue and white reached up towards the ceiling, which was in turn littered with sparkling icicles.

And there, perched in the center of that structure like a king on his throne, was the Time Piece.

The soft golden light that surrounded it was the only light source in the whole cavern. But the ice reflected it millionfold, made it dance and flicker on the walls. It sparkled and shone, glew and glimmered.

Come.

He stepped a little closer, entranced by the light.

It was a shame that Grooves wasn't here to see this. He would have loved this sight. Maybe... maybe Conductor would leave the Time Piece untouched for now so that Grooves could see it like this too.

They hadn't really planned for this. They had agreed to turn around and head back if they discovered a dead end, an exit or a fork in the road. This was none of that - the path continued further down, so it wasn't a dead end, there was no alternative path and he saw no evidence of an exit.

He definitely needed to go back and tell Grooves, that much was clear.

Should he maybe keep going first, though? Continue down the tunnel and see where it led? Maybe he'd be able to find the Time Piece and and exit. Just having the Time Piece wouldn't do them any good - they were still stuck down here.

And the Time Piece didn't look like it would explode or anything if he left it here. It was sitting safe and snug in its frosty little nest. It wasn't doing anything, it wasn't in danger. He could leave it here and keep looking.

Touch.

Or should he just take the Time Piece? That was what they were here for, after all. The sole purpose of this journey. Seemed kind of silly to ignore it now.

But was touching it really a smart idea? Was that dangerous? It had frozen an entire cave systen. What if touching it would freeze him solid, too?

No, seriously. Who knew what that thing would do?! He'd already wondered if the cave system itself had been created by its power. If that was indeed the case, then what would happen if he picked the Time Piece up now? For all he knew, the whole thing would just disappear and they'd be buried alive!

Touch.

He should just leave it. Go back, fetch Grooves, figure this out together. Or keep exploring this tunnel, see what's up ahead. Maybe even focus on finding the lass first - she'd know what to do.

That was probably the smartest option. She was the expert on these things. She would be able to take care of it. It felt a bit weird, relying on a literal child to solve his problems - but hey, not the first time, and this specific child had a most excellent track record when it came to solving problems in general and his problem in particular.

Touch.

So it was decided, then. He'd... no. He'd keep going. He'd see what else the tunnel held. Once he hit an exit, a dead end or a fork, he'd go back and meet with Grooves. They'd talk about what they had found and then they'd put their combined energy into finding the girl.

Once they found her, they'd tell her where the Time Piece was (and Conductor would make sure to emphasize that he had been the one to find it, not Grooves) and then she would handle the Time Piece, the problem would be solved and then they could all go home. Problem solved, victory achieved, enjoy the rest of the day.

Touch.

He reached out.

His fingers brushed against icy glass.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Hat Kid yawned and stretched. She blinked into the darkness... darkness? Why darkness?

The lights should have turned on the second she woke up! Was the lighting system on the frizz again? Ugh, that meant an hour of listening to hold music before the stupid customer service replied. And then they'd just remotely reboot the system, which she could have done herself but wasn't allowed to because of insurance reasons!

She'd really thought that getting an updated spaceship would fix this problem. She was going to complain!

...

No, wait. She wasn't in her spaceship at all. She was in...

...

Ooh. Right.

That pecking cave.

She groaned as she got up. The second she slipped out of the sleeping bag, she got a harsh reminder of how cold it was down here. She bit her teeth together as she rolled up the bag and her camping mat, brushed her hair (with her fingers) and her teeth (with a toothbrush). She used one of the many water bottles to wash her face and rinse her hair and had a quick breakfast consisting of fourteen rice cakes and nothing else.

Those things weren't bad. Kind of like eating styrofoam, but in tasty.

Alright. What was next on the agenda? Ah, of course: Walking through tunnels! How she had missed it.

The flashlight was getting weak, not that it had been very strong to begin with. She swapped out the batteries, which helped a little.

And so, she continued her endless walk through the tunnels. There were two more in front of her now which she had yet to explore. There were also... four? Five? There were several other options behind her if neither one of these led anywhere.

And if she didn't find anything before the day was over, then she'd go all the way back to that brittle wall in the first tunnel and blow it up, consequences be damned.

Her hat wasn't giving her much. Both tunnels were right next to each other and the direction the hat was indicating wasn't perfect for either one. So she picked the right one at random.

It was rockier than the others and she had to climb and clamber over a large stone every few steps. A snake poked its head out from underneath one and hissed at her - she hissed back and the serpent flinched away with wide eyes. Yeah, you leave me along! I'm not in the mood for your games!

She felt bad about it afterwards, though. Poor snakey. Wasn't its fault that she was stuck down here. And it was one of the ones with the cool rattle on their tails, too. She liked those, because that was honestly such a cool ability. She wanted a built-in rattle, too.

Although Conductor had told her to stay away from them. She probably ought to listen to that. So no going back to apologize.

Going forward. Forward only. Past low-hanging ceilings and pointy boulders and little lizards with spiky backs. Past stones and stones and stones and more stones and small stones and other stones and...

...Man, tunnels were not exciting scenery.

She wondered what Grooves and Conductor were up to right now. Whatever it was, it was probably more interesting than this. Even if they were just walking the desert - at least the desert offered a nice view.

Heh. They were probably arguing about something. That was usually a safe bet. Was there anything in the world that these two couldn't disagree on? Probably not. If you locked them in a room with nothing but a singular rubber ball, they'd develop deeply held opinions on said rubber ball's color and then argue about that.

But they liked each other. They could deny that as much as they wanted, but she knew it was true. They just also kind of hated each other at the same time.

But that wasn't a dealbreaker. You could be enemies and still like each other. She would know - she also liked a lot of people who were technically her enemies!

She liked the Snatcher, even if he was always trying to trick her into selling her soul again or signing some weird contract that would enable him to kill her. She liked Mustache Girl, despite everything she'd done, and was glad that she'd given her a Time Piece (and boy, had she ever put it to good use. Hat Kid had been very impressed with how Mafia Town looked nowadays). And speaking of that: She liked the Mafia, at least some of them, because some of them were goofy and friendly and nowadays they didn't always punch her after playing patty cake.

She liked DJ Grooves, because he was gentle and helpful and huggable and had complimented her so much during filming and sure, he'd also tried to crush her with big disco balls and threw several knives at her face, but he had apologized for that. And she liked the Conductor despite the whole 'bomb on a train' thing, because he was fun and exciting and much kinder than he acted, plus he looked kind of like if somebody had tarred and feathered a big axolotl and you just couldn't stay mad at someone like that.

Her parents hadn't approved of those things. They had told her to stay away from people like that in the future. But they didn't understand! After everything she'd been through with and sometimes because of these people... well, they were hers now. Her people.

And anyway, she only stuck with the ones whose behaviour had improved. You wouldn't catch her palling around with Queen Vanessa or the Empress, oh no! Those two had been total meanies. And they weren't even cute.

...

Hang on. What was that?!

Was that...

A breeze?!

She froze. Only for a second. Then she dashed forward, ran down the tunnel as fast as her little legs could carry her. And found...

Light.

An exit!

A gap in the stone. Narrow, but easy enough to squeeze through. Outside, the dunes of the desert stretched on and on and in the distance, she could see the sun rising slowly. The sky was pink and purple and heavy with clouds.

She'd never seen anything as beautiful as this before.

She sucked in her stomach as she wriggled through the gap. Her shoes sank into sand - beautiful, soft sand! Beautiful fresh air! A beautiful vast sky with no ceiling and no walls!

She'd done it! She'd defeated the cave system!

FREEDOM!

"Peck you! PECK! YOU! You stupid... cave! I showed you! I showed you! Ha!"

...

That said, her hat was pointing back into the tunnel. Stubbornly reminding her that the Time Piece, her Time Piece, the sole reason she was here to begin with, was somewhere down there. And not up here.

...

And... there was something else, too. The bad feeling from before was back and it was still just as bad.

She wasn't sure how to describe it. Instinct? A gut feeling? Whatever it was, it was pointing in the same direction as the hat.

...

...

...

Alright. Fine. Fine! She'd go back in!

But she wasn't happy about it!

Chapter Text

Well... that had ended quickly.

Grooves looked disapprovingly at the wall in front of him. His tunnel had gone on for a while, but now he found himself in a dead end.

The wall blocking his way looked fairly brittle. Thin cracks went through the entire thing where years of pressure had done their best to shatter it. A strong impact, like a sledgehammer or a bomb or something like that, would probably break it down.

But unfortunally, he had nothing like that. Which meant that the only thing he could do was head back and hope that Conductor had been luckier.

...Ugh, but if Conductor had found something, he would doubtlessly brag about it. And he'd really rub it in Grooves' face, too. Why had he allowed Conductor to switch the tunnels? He should have insisted on taking the left one! Then he'd be the one mocking Conductor for not finding anything!

...Unless, of course, the other tunnel also didn't lead anywhere. In which case...

Grooves swallowed.

That... would be a problem. A serious problem. If both of these paths were dead ends, then... they'd be trapped down here.

...

Thaaat was completely fine. They'd find a way. Maybe they could tear this brittle wall down together or stack up rocks to reach the hole they'd fallen through. No need to worry. No need to panic.

Gods, hopefully Conductor had found something. He'd endure the mocking gladly as long as they made some progress.

First he had to go all the way back, though.

He didn't actually mind being down here too much. Oh sure, it wasn't ideal and he would have preferred it if there had been a reliable way out, but... the cold was a blessing. He knew Conductor disagreed, but he didn't care. Conductor had already gotten to enjoy his preferred climate for two days. It was so very much Grooves' turn.

The crisp coldness of the ice made him feel awake and alive. He could breathe so much easier now that the air was no longer dry and dusty. There was still sand in his feathers even now and it was scratchy and annoying, but a few more preening sessions would get it out and at least now it wasn't constantly increasing.

At the same time, he was of course very much aware that this was neither the natural state of this place nor exactly good. He was no biologist, but flash-freezing a chunk of a desert couldn't be good for the environment. The total lack of animals down here hadn't slipped past him. It might have been good for him specifically, but it was awful for the desert in general.

It needed to be fixed. This wasn't the worst thing that could have happened - the kid's words echoed in his ears, speaking of extinct species being revived, goats turning murderous and jungles appearing out of thin air - but that didn't mean it wasn't a problem.

Hopefully, this could be reversed. Maybe the ice would just melt once the Time Piece got removed. If not, they'd have to find a different solution.

...

They? Why was he making this his problem?

He sighed. He really shouldn't be worried. It wasn't his problem and he didn't know how to solve it anyway. If it even was a problem to begin with - again, maybe it would just melt on its own.

By the time he finally got back to their starting location, the sun had just risen. Soft pink light fell through the hole and bounced off of the ice in a way that made his disco balls look downright bland.

Grooves probably would have gotten lost in the beauty if not for Conductor, who was standing over in the left side of the cave. He'd taken off his backpack, which was now laying at his feet, and he stood with his head tilted, staring over at the frozen lake...

And he was holding an hourglass.

"...Darling! You... you found the Time Piece?"

...Oh no, now he was really going to get mocked. Why, why, why had he allowed Conductor to swap paths?!

...

It took a few seconds for Conductor to respond. Said response was a rather mechanical head turn and a frown.

"...Grooves. Aye. Ah did."

He tucked the Time Piece into his jacket, or rather into Grooves' jacket.

"...Tunnel kept going, too. Dinnae know where it leads."

So there was still a chance that they'd find an exit? That was a relief at least. If they got out, with the Time Piece to boot, then all they needed to do was find the girl. She'd be so happy!

A moment of silence. Conductor was looking right at him.

"...Ah take it ya didna find anything?"

Here it comes.

Grooves grimaced. He knew there was no way around it; no force in the universe could stop him and Conductor from arguing for long. No matter what he said now, he'd be made fun off for it - and then of course he'd snipe back, because he wasn't just going to let Conductor have the last word like that. He had his pride!

"Ah, no. A dead end, I'm afraid. But I see you were more fortunate."

Silence again. Grooves frowned. Something about this felt... odd.

"...Ah guess so."

...

Was that... it?

Oh, come on. He could think of half a dozen ways to turn that into an argument!

A dead end, but I see you were more fortunate. Aye, that's why Ah keep winning. It's nae fortune, it's skill - nae that ya'd know anything about that. A dead end - as dead as yer career, huh? Probably fer the best that Ah found this, knowing yer track record with Time Pieces. Dinnae think fer a second that Ah'll let ya take credit fer this once we find the lass. Ya just dinnae know yer way 'round the desert - shoulda stayed home, peck neck!

It wasn't like Conductor to not start an argument.

"...Is everything alright, darling?"

...

"...Ah was just... thinking", Conductor said and turned away again. "About the whole, ya know."
He gestured towards nothing in particular.

"The current situation."

Grooves blinked. Was Conductor that worried about being stuck here? Sure, Grooves didn't like the thought either, but... they still had options, it wasn't like their fate was set in stone just yet.

Maybe it was the cold. Whatever Conductor was, it was clearly built for heat - he loved the desert and he was downright fireproof. Perhaps that meant that he couldn't handle the cold well, just like Grooves couldn't quite handle the heat.

Heh, that would fit. Polar opposites, the two of them. Like always. Like with everything.

"I'm sure we can find a way out, darling. Don't worry about it too much, yes?"

...

"...Nah, Ah didna mean that", Conductor said. There was a considerable delay to all of his replies, like he had to take a few seconds to comprehend what had been said. It was a little concerning, to be honest. "That's on me mind, too, but Ah'm nae that worried about it."

Huh? What else did he mean, then?

"Do you mean the results of the Time Leak, then?" Conductor loved the desert. The environmental consequences of this might be bothering him. "The little darling will know what to do, I'm certain."

"...Nah, nae that either."

"Are you worried about her, maybe?" That he could understand. He just had to keep believing that she was safe - because he couldn't do anything about it if she wasn't and that would just be too awful to think about. "She's probably more capable than you and I together." Although to be fair, Grooves and Conductor individually were probably also more capable than they were together.

"...No. Still nae it."

"Then I'm afraid I'm all out of ideas, darling", Grooves admitted.

Conductor nodded slowly and walked over to Grooves. Grooves could see the faint light of the Time Piece through his jacket.

...He sounded so stiff. Something was wrong here!

"...Ah was thinking. It's just ya and me down here, aye? No owls. No penguins. The lass is nae here, either. Just the two of us. And, well... that got me thinking."

Grooves didn't reply, just patiently waited for Conductor to continue.

"...Ah hate ya. Ah've hated ya ever since Ah first saw yer ugly mug. Ya're loud, obnoxious, tacky, ya smell disgusting, ya dress like a clown on drugs, yer movies are garbage wrapped in overblown special effects and bad music. Ya dinnae know how to shut up and everything ya do makes me want to punch ya."

Grooves nodded slowly. None of this was news to him.

"...Ya stole two of me awards and ya didna deserve either one", Conductor continued, his voice getting darker. "Ya take up half of me studio, acting like ya have a right to be there."

Okay, no.
"I do have a right to be there. I pay my share of the lease. Hardly my fault that they decided to lease it to two people", he pointed out. "And I did not steal your awards. I won them fair and square and you're well aware of that!"

"...Am Ah? It's nae like ya're above cheating. Ya've tried to cheat before - with a Time Piece." He gestured towards the faint glow. "Maybe ya've cheated before. Maybe ya never shoulda gotten award 42."

Grooves swallowed.

"T-that... that is a low blow, darling", he mumbled. He couldn't deny it, of course, and he couldn't fault Conductor for wondering... although why it was coming up now he had no idea. "I... I do give you my word that I have never tried to cheat before or since."

"...Yer word has no value to me."

Conductor was now right in front of Grooves.

"But even if, does it matter? Ah dinnae care whether or nae ya won fairly - those awards were mine and ya stole them. They should be in my trophy case. Ya're a thorn in me side, messing with me life, taking what's mine, even hurting the lass to get what ya think ya deserve when all ya deserve is a knife between the ribs."

Grooves mouth fell open.

T-that... no. That crossed a line. That crossed a line that they had never crossed before.

He had misheard Conductor. There was no other explanation.

"Y-you... did you seriously just-"

"...And that's when it hit me", Conductor interrupted, his voice now a low growl. "We're alone. No witnesses, no nothing. And Ah've got a knife right here."

...

He... he was joking, right?

"D-darling..."

Conductor grinned. It was not a sane grin. The sharp edges of his beak caught the light.

And then something else caught the light: A blade. Conductor had drawn a knife.

Grooves stepped backwards. Conductor stepped forwards.

"This isn't funny, Conductor!"

"Nae fer ya. Ah'll be having plenty of fun!"

Another step backwards. Another step forwards.

"N-no, seriously, stop! I don't-"

Slash!

Conductor lunged. And Grooves yelped and stumbled backwards.

He wasn't quite fast enough. A thin line of crimson welled up across his chest.

He's serious.
He's actually serious!

"...Now look what ya've done", Conductor cooed. "Messed up a perfectly good stab. But dinnae worry, Ah'll put this knife right where it belongs..."

He raised he blade again.

"...straight into yer rotten heart!"

The only thing Grooves had was his flashlight - bright, but too short and stubby to be a weapon. He dropped it and raised his hands instead.

"Conductor, stop!"

The next swing was aimed at Grooves' throat. Grooves threw himself aside, against the wall. He slammed into the rock and hissed, but better that than the alternative!

Something... something was wrong here.

This wasn't Conductor. He wasn't sure why he was so certain of that, but he was certain of it!

"Darling, please! Snap out of it!", he shouted. Conductor just laughed.

"Hate to disappoint ya, Grooves, but there's nothing fer me to snap out of! If only ya knew how long Ah've wanted to do this! Every time ya open that beak of yers, Ah dream about shutting ya up fer good!"

His voice sounded wrong. It was too dark, it was too sharp, it wasn't his. And his motions were too stiff, his smile was flat-out deranged.

He looked almost like the was just acting. But the knife was all too real.

"No! No, you don't! This isn't you, I know it isn't!"

But the only answer he got was another strike. It got caught on his belt buckle and whipped past his thigh.

"Get off of me!"

He was bare-handed. His opponent had a knife. Not a fair fight.

But there was a glaring weak spot. He didn't want to hurt Conductor...

"Nae until ya're dead!"

...but it looked like he wouldn't have much of a choice.

He grabbed Conductor's injured arm and squeezed.

He used all his strenght, dug his fingers into the bandage. Conductor cried out and dropped the knife.
Clang! It hit the ground and Grooves kicked it away, sending it across the cave.

"AAARGH! Ya cheating bastard!", Conductor roared. "Ya're gonna regret that! Ah was gonna make it quick fer ya, but now..."

"Enough of this, Conductor!", Grooves shouted back. "I didn't want to do this, but you forced me! I don't know what has gotten into you, but-"

"Ya wanna target me weak arm?! Like a coward?! How about Ah return the favour!"

Grooves didn't react in time.

Conductor threw himself forwards again - this time without a knife.

He bit down. His beak slammed shut on Grooves' bad shoulder. Something crunched deep inside.

Grooves screamed in pain as sharp fangs tore through his flesh.

Something flooded his veins, white-hot and agonizing. But the pain faded almost instantly. In its wake, it left something infinitely more horrifying: Numbness.

A numbness that spread quickly. It started right where Conductor had bit him and expanded in all directions. It crept down his arm all the way to his elbow, it sank into his lungs and made it harder to breathe, it raised up into his neck and his jaw.

Conductor let go, pulled his fangs out of Grooves' body. It didn't hurt.

It should have hurt.

He laughed softly before turning around and casually walking off to fetch his knife again.

"Aw, Grooves... dinnae worry about the venom", he purred. "It's nae going to kill ya. Nae because it's nae lethal, mind ya. With how much Ah just pumped into ya, it definitely is."

He picked the knife up, checked the edge with his thumb.

"But, ya know, it still takes time. And watching ya keel over from venom is just nae gonna be as satisfying as carving ya open."

His arm was numb all the way to the fingers now. The other shoulder was getting stiff as well. Grooves tried to back off and stumbled over his own shoes.

"D-d-don't", but his beak was sluggish and his voice was shaky. He... he couldn't...

He couldn't fight like this! He, he had to run, he had to...

"What's wrong? Too weak to beg? Dinnae worry, it would nae have helped anyway."

His heart was pounding furiously, the sound almost deafening. It drowned out his thoughts, drowned out all other noise. It sounded almost like an explosion, like stone shattering - but it couldn't drown out the panic that was growing steadily.

It was getting hard to breathe. No, he couldn't, he had to... focus on breathing! Slow, deep breaths.

You can do this. You can get out of this.

Somehow.

He glanced around in sheer terror his neck wasn't turning properly anymore there had to be a way out of here! The... the path Conductor had taken. He'd said that it had continued, r-right?!

So Grooves spun around and tried to run.

He didn't get far. His legs gave out after a few steps. His knees folded like straws and sent him sprawling to the floor. He couldn't even lift his arms to catch himself.

Wham, he hit the ground. He didn't feel the impact.

His body had locked into position. He couldn't move a muscle. He felt as weak as a hatchling fresh from the egg. He couldn't run, couldn't move, he could barely even breathe.

No. No no no no no, you have to move. You have to move or you'll die!

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to crawl. Even a little, even an inch!

But no matter how much he strained, his limbs wouldn't obey.

The realization hit him like a club. He'd been bitten and poisoned. He was paralyzed.

And Conductor, or rather this beast in Conductor's body, stepped closer. Slowly, casually, enjoying every second of it. He towered over Grooves, knife in hand, claws out, fangs bared. A soft, sadistic smile on his beak as he stared down at the penguin.

"...Now that's a nice view. Gonna be even nicer with more red in it", he said. ""Bet ya regret messing with me now, huh? Stealing me awards, getting in me way... ya shoulda just stayed on the moon."

He leaned down. Placed the knife against Grooves' throat with a mocking gentleness.

"Ya're going to die here, Grooves. Ya're going to die alone and scared and nobody will ever find out what happened to ya."

He increased the pressure ever-so-slightly. Grooves didn't feel anything... but he knew that it had cut him, that he was bleeding.

That he was only one small motion away from having his throat slit.

And he couldn't do a thing about it!

Please don't. Please, please don't. But he couldn't even beg out loud. All he could do was stare at Conductor and silently plead for his life.

Please, snap out of it. Don't do this.

"Ya know... it's a shame me venom made ya all numb", Conductor noted casually. "Ah woulda loved fer ya to feel every last bit of this."

He reached out with his free hand and plucked Grooves' sunglasses off.

"There we go. Ah wanna see the light fade."

He'd get his wish. Grooves' vision was starting to blur. His chest felt too tight. He... he was losing consciousness, he realized, and then he would...

Fight it. Fight it! Do something, anything! Don't just lie there and let it happen!

With all his remaining strenght, with every bit of willpower he had left, he managed to crack his beak open a tiny bit. Managed to gasp a single word.

"P-p-pleas-"

The last thing he heard was a dull thud.

Then everything went dark.

Chapter Text

Grooves groaned softly as he blinked into painfully bright light.

He... he wasn't in the cave anymore. The surface he was laying on was way too soft and the temperature was warm and cozy. His chest hurt and so did his throat, but his left arm didn't - in fact, his left arm didn't really feel like anything.

Something bumped against his foot. He blinked and looked down to see a flat black cylinder with what appeared to be glowing purple eyes.

What the...

Slowly steadying himself, he sat up. Dizziness struck and he had to take a moment to catch his breath before he could take a proper look at his surroundings.

He was laying in a gigantic pile of colorful pillows in a room with orange and purple walls. The bright light was a circular ceiling lamp directly above him. There was a small four-poster bed with a soft blue canopy off to the side. His chest, throat and arm were all bandaged with soft pink gauze.

The cylinder beeped softly before trundling off to explore the rest of the room.

Conductor was laying on the same pile of pillows not far away. He seemed to be unconscious, curled up and breathing slowly. The pillows had been arranged in a way that elevated his feet above his head. He was still wearing Grooves' jacket.

He also spotted Hat Kid sitting at a small orange desk, writing something on a sheet of paper. He cleared his throat and she paused before turning around.

"...Oh, you're awake! That was a lot faster than expected."

She got up, snatched up a tray that had been standing on the desk and carried it over. It held a pitcher of water, two glasses and a bowl of trail mix.

"Here. I figured you might want some of this", she said and grabbed a pillow to sit down on. "How are you feeling?"

"...Confused", he admitted. It was the only thing he could think off. "Darling... what happened?"

He was alive.

He... he hadn't expected to wake up again.

She frowned. "Yeah, that's a pretty good question! What happened?! I backtracked to blow up that stupid wall and found Conductor trying to murder you!"

...Right. That.

"Is... is he alright? I don't know what got into him, but... I don't believe that was him. I don't believe that for a second. He wouldn't try to kill me! And if he did, he'd swear while doing it!"

Her frown deepened. "Right. I... I knocked him out with my umbrella. I took the Time Piece from him and, uh, he just... his whole body went limp when I did that? Like, he was rigid until then. I think it... I think it was part of the Time Leak. It was kind of similar to what happened in the mountains with the goats."

She pointed at her desk. "I'm writing the report for my boss right now. There's a big database with all known effects of Time Leaks in it and this definitely needs to get added."

"...But you have the Time Piece now?" Those... those stupid pieces of trash, seriously. "And it's the last one on this planet?"

"Well, Mustache Girl still has hers, but if you mean the last stray one... yeah. Unless it duplicated itself at some point, but if there had been a second Time Piece out there then my hat should have picked up on that. So I think we should be done with them."

Oh, thank the gods. Those things were awful and he wanted them gone.

He picked up the pitcher with and poured himself some water. Slow, small sips - he felt like anything more than that would make him puke.

"What happened on your end?", he asked softly. By now, the dizziness was subsiding and he could breathe easily. "We... last time I saw you was when those cougars attacked, darling."

She nodded. "Yeah... same here."

And then she told him. Every last bit. How she'd fallen through a crack in the rocks, down into the cave system, how she'd wandered the underground maze for hours trying to find an exit, how she'd gone back in after finding one. How she had gone back to blow up a brittle wall and had stumbled right into the frozen cavern.
How she had knocked Conductor out seconds before he could slit Grooves' throat. How they were in her spaceship now, safe and secure. Apparently the cylinder was named Rumbi.

Grooves almost wanted to laugh. All the scenarios they'd imagined about what might have happened to her... none of them remotely close to reality. They'd been so worried about her getting transformed or teleported, they hadn't even considered such a mundane solution!

But once she was done, he responded in kind. He told her every last bit. How he and Conductor had wandered around looking for her only to hit a weak spot and fall through the floor. How Conductor had nearly frozen to death, needing Grooves to save him (come on, he just had to brag about that. At least a little!). How they had split up to search the two avaliable paths... and how, when they'd reunited, Conductor had acted strange and offputting before attacking Grooves.

The kid went quiet after that, her mouth forming silent words.

"What's on your mind, darling?"

"Just trying to tally up the score", she said. "I just saved you and I saved him when, uh, that ship randomly sank for no reason." She shuffled awkwardly on her pillow. "He saved you from heatstroke and he saved me when he defused the bomb. And now you saved him from freezing. So now you just need to save me from something and then we're basically back at zero."

"...Well, I'd prefer it if that never happened, darling", Grooves said. "As, uhm, lovely as it would be to get the complete set, I'd prefer if you didn't need saving."

"Yeah, I guess. But if it does happen, we need to try and combine it with the other unfinished circle", she formed a circle with her hands, "which is that he tried to kill you and you tried to kill me, so logically I need to try and kill him now. I just don't know how you could save me when I'm the aggressor, that's the problem."

"Uh", she really was an alien, wasn't she? Because that thought process was definitely not from this planet. "Yes, that is certainly... one of the problems with this idea."

She grabbed a handful of trail mix and threw it into her mouth. "I'll figure something out", she said with a full mouth before grabbing another handful and tossing it over to Rumbi like she was feeding a duck.

He took another sip of water. His hands were shaking - no, scratch that. His hand was shaking.

Singular.

"Ah... darling? I... I can't feel my left arm", he said and tapped his own wrist. Nothing. He might as well have been touching somebody else.

...

"...I... I gave you the antivenom and some heart pons", she mumbled. "But, uh, I'm not a doctor. You should... probably go to a hospital. Or something."

"Or something", he echoed. "You did your best, I'm sure." He was alive and in one piece. For now, that was all that mattered. Anything else was a problem for later. "Thank you, darling. I... if you hadn't stepped in..."

He shuddered at the thought. Some things were better not imagined in too much detail.

"It's no problem. Uh, can I mention you in my report? Or do you not want that?"

His glass was empty. He put it back down and carefully shifted himself into a better position. The pillows under him didn't make it easy and neither did his lifeless left arm.

"I am a celebrity. My privacy is nonexistent. Don't worry about it."

"Cool! You can read the report if you want. It's super confidential, though, so be careful with it!"

"Ah... I've been meaning to ask you, do you... do you know what that word means?"

"Huh?" She'd already been on the way to her desk to grab the report. Now she stood with her head tilted to the side and an expression of confusion on her little face. "It means that something is really important, right?"

"Uh... not quite."

Behind them, Conductor stirred and groaned softly.

"Wha' the peck... how much did Ah drink...?"

"Already? Man, you guys are resilient."

She grabbed the tray and moved it about two inches to the right.

"Hey Conductor, how are you feeling? Good? Bad? Evil?"

"...Hngh?"

"Tired?", she suggested and Grooves had to stifle a laugh.

"Give him a moment, darling!"

"...A moment fer what? Where even... what?"

He looked around, took in his surroundings. Looked over at Grooves, at the kid, at Rumbi.

"...Where the peck am Ah?!"

"You're on my spaceship!", the girl said happily. "You found the Time Piece! Good job with that! Uh, less good job on the aftermath, though."

"The afterma..."

Conductor fell silent. A mixture of emotions flashed over his face: Confusion, realization, horror, understanding, guilt, sorrow.

"...Oh."

"It's okay, my darling", Grooves said quickly. Then, just because he could, he reached out and placed his hand on Conductor's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Please. I know you weren't in control."

...Conductor looked at him. Looked at his own feet.

"...Ya're hurt", he said. Nothing else. Just that.

"I'll heal."

...

"Ah hurt ya."

"Not on purpose."

...

Conductor slumped and turned away from Grooves.

"Is the Time Piece...", he began and the kid gave a sloppy salute: "Taken care of!"

"...Good. Burn it up fer fuel and get rid of it. Pecking things... Ah pecking hate those things..."

"We're in agreement there", Grooves said. Those things were just awful.

"...Ah wanna go home."

Grooves looked over at the girl.

"...Yes", he said. "I think so do I. I think this was... enough excitement for a while."

"I'll get the telescope in the machine room ready", she said, which didn't sound like it was even remotely related to what they had just said. But before Grooves could ask any questions, she had already bounced off. The door closed behind her, leaving only Grooves and Conductor.

Conductor, who had put his head between his knees, staring at the floor as if it held the answer to an ancient riddle.

"...Grooves?", he asked and his voice was scratchy. "Can... can Ah tell ya something?"

"Of course."

Conductor opened his beak. Then closed it again, hesitated.

"Can ya... nae interrupt? Just listen until Ah'm done?"

"If you want to apologize", Grooves began and Conductor shook his head.

"No, no. It's not... it's not that. It's just... when Ah... when Ah touched that Time Piece. It... it showed me something", he said. The words seemed to cling to his tongue like wet tissue paper.

It didn't get better as he continued, describing - in intricate detail and with a trembling voice - what he had seen.

What the Time Piece had showed him.

A house. It stood alone in the middle of the desert, train tracks running through the sand nearby. The train tracks formed a loop so that the train could turn around - it was the final station, the end of the line. Or maybe the start of the line, depending on your point of view. The Owl Express stood on the rails, ready for its next journey.

It wasn't a neat house. The paint was peeling off the wall, bits and pieces of metal littered the sand. But it was still clear that this house was loved - with a small mural painted on the door, red curtains in the windows and a few potted succulents near the doorstep.

There was also an egg.

It was half buried in the sand, dark grey with speckles of yellow and gold all over it. There was a thin hairline crack going all the way from the bottom to the top.

An owl knelt in the sand next to the egg, one hand outstretched but not quite touching it yet. She was fairly small and wore a simple red dress with an apron, a pair of wireframed glasses on her face and a pearl necklace around her neck. She had a round face and soft features, the most notable of which were her large, kind eyes.

Behind her, the door opened and another owl stepped out. He was larger and wore a set of simple black overalls on top of a tan shirt and a blue tie that looked like it had been tied by somebody who had never seen a tie before. His hands, large and reliable, were covered in what seemed to be a mixture of ash and oil.

"What's wrong, love?", he asked, stepping closer. "Why'd you call me?"

"Look", she whispered. "I... look what I found!"

And she finally touched the egg properly, feathered fingers brushing up against the shell.

"...An egg?", he asked, kneeling down next to her. "What... why? What is that doing out here?"

"I don't know", she whispered, seemingly transfixed by the egg. "I just walked out and it was laying there, just like that! But... look, I think it's close to hatching!"

"...Maybe one of the passengers lost it? But no, why would anyone be out here other than us?"

He reached out as well, ran a hand over it. "Feels warm."

"It's hatching", she repeated. "Look, it's already breaking open!"

She carefully picked it up. Cupped her hands around it like it was a treasure.

"...Love, put that down. It... we can't just take that. That's somebody's baby! They're probably worried sick! We should just call the police, maybe an ambulance."

But the woman wasn't listening. Once again, she ran a finger over the egg.

And the egg cracked open.

Something tumbled out. It wasn't an owl.

It was tiny, smaller than an owl hatchling would have been. A thin layer of bright yellow feathers covered its body, still wet from the amniotic fluid. Its head, which looked way too large for its small body, consisted mostly of a beak with strange jagged edges.

It clacked its beak and struggled to lift its head. Stubby little arms reached out in an attempt to explore.

The woman gasped.

"Oh! It's a... a..."
...
"...what is it?"

The man leaned in to get a closer look.

"...Not an owl, that much is clear. Don't think I've ever seen a bird like that. Maybe it hatched wrong."

"But it doesn't look like it's in pain or anything...", and she gently patted the baby's head. It let out a weak chirp in response. "Hello there, little one..."

"...No", the man said, a sharp, protective edge to his voice. "No, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no! Don't even think about it!"

"But we've been trying for a clutch for so long", she said, not taking her eyes off the hatchling. "And look at how cute it is!"

"Yes, its cute, but what the peck is it?! Is it even a bird?!"

"It's a baby", she cooed. "Oh sweetie, don't be afraid. You're safe here."

She tickled the baby's chin. It looked up at her. Presumably. It didn't seem to have any visible eyes.

"Yes, it's a baby. And its mother is going to want it back!"

"He's imprinted now", she pointed out. He sighed.

"Not all birds imprint. And this isn't even a bird. Listen... love, we don't know what it is, we don't know what it eats, we don't know where it came from, it might be dangerous for all we know..."

"We've been praying for this", she said and while her voice was still soft, there was also determination in it. "We've been begging the gods for an egg, dear. They gave us one."

He rolled his eyes. "What, roc and phoenix came down from the heavens and placed an egg in our front yard?"

"Do you have a better explanation?"

No reply. She smirked. "That's what I thought!"

...

A moment of silence. The man sighed.

"...It is cute", he said and reached out. She handed the baby to him without hesitation. The little hatchling showed no sign of fear, eagerly shoving its beak against his fingers.

The man chuckled softly. "Its a brave one, that's for sure. I wonder if it'll stay yellow or if those are just the baby feathers."

And he leaned down and nudged a few wet feathers with his beak, getting them into proper position.

"If... if the real mother shows up, she can have it back", the woman said. "I... I'm not stealing somebody's baby. But... but if nobody shows up..."

There was a high-pitched peep from the tiny critter as the man turned it upside-down to peek between its legs.

"...Looks like it's a male", he said. "A little baby boy."

"Our little baby boy."

"Love, we can't", but his voice was wavering. "That isn't ours to keep."

"Then whose is it?!"

She raised her voice, got up with one swift motion and gestured towards the horizon - a horizon that contained nothing but sand, rocks and a few gnarled trees.

"Whose is it?! Who is going to keep him?! Do you see his parents anywhere? Do you see anyone other than us?! What do you think will happen if we call the police or the ambulance?! He'll go to an orphanage and then-"

"Love, love! Shush!", he hissed. "You're scaring him!"

And indeed: The hatchling was now curled up in his hands, trembling weakly, letting out quiet little chirps. She grew pale.

"Oh... oh sweetie, I'm sorry", she whispered, volume dropping again. "It's alright, it's all going to be okay. I didn't mean to frighten you."

She looked up, eyes blazing with resolve.

"We are keeping him", she hissed. "Don't pretend like you don't want to. I know you better than that."

They held eye contact for a moment. Then the man sighed again and looked away.

"...If anyone comes and asks for him, we're handing him over without a discussion. I'm serious, absolutely no resistance", he said. "And if he grows up to be a bird-eating monster, I'm putting all blame on you."

"He'd never do that to us", and she reached out to tickle the baby again, this time on the feet. "You'd never do that to us, would you?"

"...What will we tell him?", he asked, looking down at his newly aquired son. "When... when he's old enough to start wondering why he's so different. If even we don't know what he is..."

"Maybe we will have found out by then. And if not, we'll just tell him the truth - that he's our baby and we love him, even if we don't know what kind of creature he is."

She shrugged and laughed softly. "And who knows? Maybe he'll never even ask."

Chapter Text

Grooves swallowed.

"Ah", he said, tonelessly. "I... I see."

"Ya... ya had it right. Ya were completely right", Conductor whispered. He was still in the same position, head between his knees. He was quivering and his voice... sounded like he was just barely holding back tears.

"Ah'm nae an owl. Ah'm nae even a bird. Ah'm some kind of monster!"

Oh darling. No.

Grooves shuffled a little closer to his rival. His hand was still resting on Conductor's shoulder and he gave it a comforting squeeze.

"You're not a monster. I... look, I openly admit that I do not know what you could possibly be, but that does not make you a monster."

"Ah tried to kill ya! That makes me a monster!", Conductor snarled. It would have been a lot more intimidating if he hadn't looked so pitiful, hunched over and shaking like a leaf in the wind.

Grooves shook his head. But this was familiar territory at least - guilt he could deal with, guilt he knew. He could handle guilt.

He had no clue what to do about the other problem, though.

"You weren't in control, darling. Please. Don't... don't beat yourself up, not over that."

"Ah hurt ya! Ya... ya're bandaged up and ya're injured and Ah was just gonna... Ah almost..."

He shuddered violently. "Ah'm a monster, Ah'm a curse, Ah tried to k-kill ya..."

"No... no, Conductor, my darling..."

Would Conductor accept a hug? Or would that just upset him even more? He looked like he was one small push away from shattering completely!

"...Please try to breathe", he said, because Conductor wasn't doing much of that right now.

It would have been easier to comfort him if Grooves himself hadn't been just as shocked. He'd known that Conductor wasn't a bird, but... what in the worlds was he, then?! So even his parents didn't know? He'd just... shown up in their front yard one day?

Eggs didn't just fall from the sky. Something had to have laid it, right?

...Right?!

He'd been certain that somebody knew. If not Conductor, then at the very least his parents.

Well... adoptive parents.

He swallowed hard. If he was taken aback by this... gods, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Conductor had to feel. How did it feel to have your life shattered? Everything you knew about yourself...

Maybe he should have talked about this with him. Maybe he could have eased Conductor into it somehow. But he'd kept his beak shut and now he regretted it.

"I... I am sorry you had to find out the truth like this", he said. It didn't feel like it was enough.

No reply. Conductor reached out and grabbed a pillow from the pile, a red one. He looked down at it for a few tense second, mulling over his options before sinking his teeth into it.

He tore through the soft fabric. Stuffing spilled out. Tears spilled as well as Conductor broke down sobbing.

"Ah dinnae...", he gasped through a mouthful of cotton, "...all these years... me entire life they lied to me! Me entire life was a lie!"

He curled up around the pillow, clawing it up with desperate fury.

"What was the point?! Why did they nae just leave me to die?!"

What?! "D-darling! Don't say..."

"They shoulda adopted a real bird, a proper wee owlet! Nae some, some ugly thing that cannae even resist a little bit of mind control!"

He grabbed the corners of the pillow and yanked. The whole thing tore clean in half and sent cotton everywhere.

"And they didna even bother to tell me!", he roared. "Me whole life, they let me believe that Ah am an owl! Every single day they lied to me! Me own pecking parents let me believe Ah was something Ah'm never gonna be! And now they're dead and... they dinnae even have to deal with the fallout! They're nae gonna comfort me, they're nae gonna give me an explanation, they'll never apologize, they j-just left this fer me to deal with all on me own!"

"You're not on your own, darling. I am here", Grooves said and tried to think of a better way to comfort Conductor. He couldn't think of anything! He'd never encountered a situation like this before! "They loved you. They were so happy to have found you. I don't think they meant to hurt you, Conductor."

"Well, they did!"

He grabbed one half of the pillow and began to tear it apart further. It was almost methodical now, ripping piece after piece off and letting fabric scraps fall like snow.

"They did hurt me, Grooves! Every part of this hurts!"

He sobbed loudly, wiped his hand across his face. His feathers were a wet, tangled mess.

"Ah'm nae a bird... Ah'm nae anything!"

...Consequences be darned, there was only one response that came to mind. Grooves reached out and pulled Conductor into a tight one-armed hug.

Conductor slumped against him. The shredded remnants of the pillow drifted to the ground as Conductor's sudden burst of rage faded as quickly as it had started-

"That's just not true", he mumbled. "If you're not anything, then what am I holding right now?"

"Ya know what Ah mean! Ah'm nae... Ah dinnae..."

Conductor sobbed weakly and wrapped his arms around Grooves, who felt so much worse now. He really shouldn't be teasing Conductor at a time like this.

...

No. Scratch that. That was precisely what he should be doing!

"You know, maybe you're right. Maybe you're really not anything", he said. "I guess that means I'm the best director around then, right darling?"

"Ah am j-just... huh?!"

"And the sole owner of Dead Bird Studios", Grooves continued unabashed. "How pleasant! Think of all the rooms and props I'll finally be able to use!"

"N-now hang on a second..."

"And I suppose I'll be getting next year's award by default then, since none of the other contestants are much of a threat. My third victory! How exciting!"

"Ya cannae just..."

"I guess it's not that exciting, actually. I'll probably be winning all of them from now on, since you won't be there to compete. You don't mind if I use your trophy case to display some of mine, do you?"

"Peck you, Grooves! Ya're nae getting yer way that easily!", Conductor shouted. "Ya'd love that, aye? Well, too bad! Ah'm nae going anywere, ya peck neck!"

...There you are.

Grooves smirked.

"Feeling better?", he asked and Conductor stared up at him. There was a moment of silence.

"...Oh, ya bastard."

But Conductor didn't let go and so neither did Grooves.

They sat together in silence for a little while, Grooves with one arm around Conductor, Conductor resting against Grooves' chest. Just breathing, just existing together. It felt surprisingly natural.

...Grooves wanted to say something. Something that he would never, never have said back in the studio where there was a risk of being overheard. Something that felt strange to say even now when there was no risk of being overheard, because it just wasn't how things worked between them.

"I... I do care deeply about you, my darling", he whispered.

...

"Ah know", Conductor whispered back. He had stopped crying, but his voice was still faint. "Grooves?"

"Yes?"

"...Ah'm glad ya came along. Ah'm glad ya're here."

The silence returned, interrupted only by Rumbi's soft whirring.

...
"Hey, Grooves?"

"Hm?"

"If... if Ah attacked ya because of the Time Piece", Conductor said slowly, "do ya think... that maybe ya attacked her because of the Time Piece? Back at the studio?"

It took a few seconds for things to click into place. Oh.

It... was it? Could it be?

Grooves allowed himself to believe it for a second. Not his fault, not his doing. Shift the blame and shake off the guilt. It would feel amazing. If... if that was true, if that had truly been it...

But he knew it couldn't be.

"Time Leaks only form if there are no people around, remember?", he said. "And that was hardly the case for the ones at the studio."

"...Oh", Conductor mumbled. "Right. Sorry. Didna think of that."

"It's alright. You meant well, darling. And I... I'd love if it were the case, if I could just pretend that I wasn't responsible for any of it, but... I can't. That was all me. I just...", he sighed, "need to live with that. I don't want to blame the circumstances for my own shortcomings. The least I can do is take responsibility for my actions."

"...Aye, Ah guess that's the proper thing to do."

Another moment of silence. Then Conductor cleared his throat and roughly shoved Grooves away.

"Alright, enough of this! Get yer paws off of me! Cannae believe Ah let ya cuddle me. Peck off!"

Grooves just laughed. And so did the girl, who had just stepped back into the room.

"Why did I know that I'd find you arguing? But I guess that means you're both feeling better, huh? How's your arm?"

Grooves looked down at the limb in question. Still attached, though it didn't feel like it. It might as well not be there at all.

It might as well... be dead.

"Ah... still numb, darling. But don't fret, it'll be just fine! I'm... sure of that."

She looked about as convinced as he felt, which was not very much. But she seemed willing to let it go for now. She gestured towards the door.

"I've got the telescope fired up", she said which, again, not a sentence that made any sense whatsoever. "I'll drop you guys off at Dead Bird Studios and then I'll be on my way!"

...Wait. What?

"...You're leaving?", he asked and Conductor looked over at the girl with an unreadable expression.

"Ya cannae just leave like that, lassie... ya've been here fer less than a week! Surely it's nae that urgent!"

"I... my boss is waiting", she said, glancing over to the report on the table. "I shouldn't be late..."

"Peck yer boss, ya've earned a few days at least!"

Grooves smiled at her. "I know last time we tried to convince you to stay didn't really work out, but... please?"

She frowned.

"I... I mean... I'm on the clock, really..."

"Have ya even watched this year's movies yet? They're pretty good, especially mine!"

"I haven't", she admitted. "And... I mean, I guess I promised Cooking Cat that I'd come eat at her food truck. And Mustache Girl offered to give me a big tour of the new Mafia Town..."

"See? You're not done here yet, darling!"

"...and Snatcher told me he has some super fun best-friend challenges for me, but I'm pretty sure he's just trying to kill me again. He's really bad at being subtle", she continued, which. Uhm.

"...I know I have no room to talk, but you really need to stop spending time with people who try to kill you."

"But then I wouldn't be able to spend time with anyone on this planet!"

Conductor pointed at her: "Ah, so ya want to spend time with the people here! Ya heard her, Grooves, she admitted it!"

...

She smiled.

"...Maybe a few more days."

-------------------------------------------------------------

And so she stayed for a few more days.

She went to Mafia Town, chatted with the old Mafia Boss and let Mustache Girl show her the whole town from top to bottom. She marvelled at all the minor changes and improvements that Mustache Girl had made, such thought and care from somebody whose approach had once been 'burn it all'.

She ate at Cooking Cat's new food truck and got the whole meal for free even after repeatedly offering to pay - and what a meal it was, cooked to perfection and so tasty! She bumped into the Badge Seller and perused his new wares, though he didn't have anything of interest, and she met the friendly tourist who'd just come back from his trip to the sun (though apparently Steve from work had since travelled to a black hole).

She hopped down to Dead Bird Studios, where she watched all the movies she had missed, which had turned out amazing (though they would have been better if she'd been in them) and met all the owls and penguins again. She didn't see much of DJ Grooves and the Conductor, which was kind of sad, but Conductor was busy with the train and Grooves was in the hopspital (not a typo - apparently it was run by rabbits) recovering from his injuries and she could understand that. She did make sure to tell the receptionist when she'd be leaving the planet and asked him to pass the message on so she'd be able to say goodbye properly.

She went over to Subcon and while she steered clear of the manor, she did get to spend a lot of time with Snatcher and the Dwellers. Snatcher tried his best to push those challenges of his and while she still suspected that they were death traps in disguise, she did have to admit that he was making them sound like they'd be a lot of fun... maybe one day, she'd give them a try. How bad could they be? But for now, he accepted that she just didn't have enough time for a bunch of games, no matter how much fun they would be.

She visited the mountains again, had tea with some nomads and got to ride one of the goats, which was fun. She went down to the harbour and met the captain and his crew, who were gearing up for the next trip - they seemed to be in a good mood and she wished them the best of luck. She did not go back to the metro, however - no, thank you! She was staying far, far away from that.

But eventually, she had pushed it as far as she could. She needed to head back home. Her boss was waiting for the report and her parents were probably worried. So she made one last big round to say farewell to everybody.

She said goodbye to the mafia and even got a packed lunch from them, which she discreetly threw away (it smelled like fish and caramel). She said goodbye to Mustache Girl, who offered to give the Time Piece back - Hat Kid told her to keep it and take good care of it. She said goodbye to Cooking Cat, who offered a packed lunch as well and a much more appetizing one at that. She said goodbye to Snatcher and promised to come back for his games as soon as possible.

She saved Dead Bird Studios for last. Grooves and Conductor were already waiting for her when she arrived.

Conductor stood to the left of the door, posture straight and hands folded behind his back. He looked like the textbook image of a professional - a thin facade that wouldn't last long, but was pretty convincing for now. He smiled brightly when he saw Hat Kid and gave her a quick salute.

Grooves stood to the right side of the door, much more relaxed. He hadn't been out of the hopspital for long and it showed - he was still visibly pale and was leaning against the doorframe for stability.

His empty left sleeve had been pinned up.

"Hey, darling", he said, greeting her happily and pulling her into a one-armed hug. "So I suppose it is time, then?"

"For now, yes."

"So ya're planning to come back?", Conductor asked, trying and failing to hide the joy in his voice. "Ya better dinnae try to rope us into yer nonsense again, lassie! Ah'm nae doing this again anytime soon!"

Yep, there went the professionalism. She rolled her eyes.

"You're the one who insisted on joining me, Conni", she reminded him and he crossed his arms and glared at her.

"Ah told ya nae to call me Conni."

"Sorry", she said, not sorry in the slightest.

"...Conni?", Grooves echoed, glancing back and forth between her and Conductor with a gleeful grin. "Conni?"

"...Oh, peck no! Dinnae even think about calling me that, peck neck! Ah'll accept it from the lass if Ah have to, but nae from ya!"

"But Conni", Grooves cooed, "that is so cute!"

"Ah mean it, Grooves! Ah'll make yer life a living hell if ya do this!"

"And that would be different from your normal behaviour how exactly?"

"Ya wanna find out?!"

These two. Seriously, just... these two.

And yet... it was comforting. Knowing that after all that mess, this part hadn't changed. Never would change.

Hearing them bicker brought a smile to her face. So did seeing them glare at each other. Conductor snarling, Grooves shaking his one remaining fist. Like nothing had happened at all. Like no time had passed since the first time she'd seen them.

"You two are terrible", she said. But she loved them for that.

"I'll drop by during my next vacation, okay? Can't say when exactly that'll be, but I'll definitely be back next year at the latest!"

Conductor smiled brightly. "We're looking forward to it, lassie! Ya be careful on yer way home, ya hear? Make sure ya get home in one piece!"

"Enjoy the trip, darling!", Grooves said and hugged her again for good measure. "And tell your boss to give you a raise, you have earned it!"

Oh, now wouldn't that be nice! Who knew, maybe she would get one! Maybe she'd even get promoted again! She'd done a pretty good job, right?

Well, apart from the whole 'confidential' issue. She'd looked that word up and now she felt quite a bit stupid - but in her defense, why didn't people explain their fancy new words?! How had she been supposed to know what it meant?!

"I'll pass the message!", she said and raised her hands to wave them goodbye. "And you two... good luck down here! Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone!"

And with that, she readied herself to be teleported back to the ship.

She felt it lock onto her, felt the gentle tug of her teleportation system. But then she paused, looked back - there was one more thing she needed to say. One final thing that she just had to get out.

"...Oh, Conductor?"

"Aye?"

"...Buy a better flashlight. That thing is trash."