Chapter Text
It gets easier with time.
That was a phrase that Luz had heard over and over and over again, ever since Manny’s diagnosis was declared terminal in front of her and Camila. Ever since her papa held her hands to mutter it between his own rasping breaths. Ever since she had to watch her papa’s cold body be wheeled out of his hospital room, the assistant nurse kneeling in front of her to tell her everything would be okay. Eventually.
But Luz was more than old enough to understand that those words were just platitudes meant to ‘make her feel better’. Luz was more than old enough to understand that her father was dead, that the blurry passing of his face beside her as she stood in the hospital’s hallway would be the last time she ever saw him.
It gets easier with time.
Twenty-five years later, Luz was more than old enough to understand that phrase was bullshit.
Even as she sits sandwiched between an Amity who’s barely able to hold it together, and an Eda who can’t even do that, attending the fourth funeral of her life – if the week-long celebration of Belos’ death could even be called a funeral – Luz was more than experienced enough to understand that they never got any easier. That none of this ever got any easier.
It didn’t help that this was the second funeral she’s attended this week.
It didn't help that both of them were for the same person.
It didn’t help that this was Raine’s funeral.
It would be a lie to say that life was easy after Belos’ defeat and subsequent death. The unseating of a tyrannical regime lasting a half-century, the handling of the fallout of two near apocalypses, and the terraforming of the island they once called home – an entire limb becoming uninhabitable, unusable as it now point to the fucking sky – made it impossible for anybody to come out the other end of all of that and say it was easy.
It took a lot of work to make life even manageable afterwards. The installing of a new, more fair, more community-led government, the careful handing of the ever-growing number of dissenters and loyalists to Belos’, and the repair and reconstruction of the entirety of the Boiling Isles created so many interlocking and isolated problems that it was hard to believe sometimes that it was even worth it.
But, it would be a lie to say that life wasn’t better, either. People were able to come together in a way that wasn’t quite possible with the division Emperor Belos forced on the witches. Magic – wild magic, real magic – was once again thriving on the Isles. Homes, families, lives were being rebuilt. There was hope – a tangible, physical, real hope, present in a way that almost seemed impossible to believe in before.
Eda helped found the University of Wild Magic, acting as its Headmaster as well as a member of the newly formed Boiling Isles Council, alongside Darius, Raine, Eberwolf, Lilith, and other witches. Vee has managed to visit alongside Masha and Camila, Luz’ mother having and sharing a joy that was missing ever since Manny passed – King also visiting with Collie ever since moving out to explore the stars with them.
Gus travelled between the two realms as a human historian and video documentor. Willow had split her time as a retired professional athlete and current coach and Hexside teacher. She would go home to spend time with her partner, Hunter, who had his own apprenticeship and work as a Palisman carver under Dell Clawthorne. Amity would work closely with Gus as a Boiling Isles Historian alongside Lilith, and would come home to her partner, Luz, working as a magic and glyph researcher, and general volunteer around the entirety of the Boiling isles.
It wasn’t easy, everyone juggling at least two or three jobs between realms, between dreams – but it was manageable. It was an actual life. It was good.
For a moment, Luz could actually believe that things did get easier with time.
And then Raine got sick.
As it turns out, being possessed by an over four-hundred year old slime monster masquerading as a human masquerading as a witch takes a toll on one’s body.
So why did Hunter, standing over the frozen corpse of Raine, head hanging low like a soldier burying them with their dog tags, seem so much healthier than Raine ever was?
If, after everything they went through, Raine were to disappear off the face of the Isles, nobody would blame them. If, after running and leading two separate rebellions, after being turned into a puppet and being used like a toy, after being possessed and forcibly dragged halfway across the isles – a trail of slime and torn muscles and broken bones following behind them – it would be more than understandable for Raine to stop and just live an easy life. But they didn’t.
They were at the forefront of the reinstating and recreation of a real government, taking a public role as a member of the Council even with their stage fright, keeping a seat at the table even when they never needed to. They were at the forefront of the defense against and quashing of the largest Belos-sympathetic cult, obsessed to an overbearing degree, unable to truly let go of their need to defeat the Emperor.
While Darius worked to pacify and strengthen the Council’s relations with the nobles and foreign entities outside of the Boiling Isles, and Eda worked with the young kids and wild witches to establish the University, Raine was instead the face of the people. They worked intimately with the greater population, working to allow magic and freedom and hope to re-flourish, working to create a place where witches and magic and demons could live freely. Even if they knew they would never be able to see it.
Even before they were able to take a proper seat at the Council, anyone who would spend more than three minutes with Raine would see that their body was breaking down.Their body would refuse to listen to them, spasms and seizures and constant sludgy coughs would ravage their body and rend their voice nearly unusable.
It would have been easy for them to just rest on their laurels and spend what little time they had left with their loved ones and recover as much as they could. But Raine didn’t want to live an easy life. They wanted to live a full life. And even though they spent the last year of it bedridden, their body refusing to listen to them in a cheap imitation of what Belos did to them, before their heart gave out on them too – it was impossible to argue that they did not live a full life. A fulfilled life. A good life.
And based on the amount of people that came to their public funeral, nobody would even dare to argue it.
The ceremony was something Luz was surprisingly used to, formatted very similarly to a human realm funeral. It was a closed, empty casket, held and paraded in front of a tearful crowd – nearly every citizen of the Boiling Isles coming to celebrate and mourn their life and achievements, their bodies filling the streets and forests stretching on for miles, the dense populace warming her almost as much as the hot sun beating on her back did. The coffin was lowered in the ground in the Bonesborough graveyard, the entire ritual a carryover from Belos’ reign, a way to allow the people to grieve the loss of Raine Whispers.
But as Luz sat still for Raine’s private funeral, Amity sniffling and leaning on her stock still frame, only a few of their closest friends, family and partners gathered together in three rows to give Raine the send off they deserved, the cold sun now chilling her bones as if the world itself was in mourning for them – Luz wondered if living a proper life was even worth it. If it all just led to this.
Before Raine had passed, Eda explained to her that funeral rites for wild witches were a lot more personal, a lot more intimate. There was no one ritual that was practiced across the entirety of the Isles – instead the various clans and families would have their own traditions they would carry out. The Clawthorne tradition holds its ties to forestry and nature, spanning back much further than Belos was even alive.
It’s why Raine’s body currently laid lifeless on a bed of sticks, surrounded by an ethereal ring of natural, cold water – a spot where all Clawthornes are burned, their bodies made a monument to life and death, their ashes used to help a personal palistrom seed grow, sustaining the forest which provides them all with life.
It’s why Eda stands in front of the crowd, holding that palistrom seed in one hand, along with a stack of papers in the other. It’s why Raine’s parents stand behind her, their instruments held in hand, the Whispers’ own ritual of song carrying the soul of the departed finding a place in this foundation. It’s why the last vision Luz has of Raine is of her unmoving smiling face, as Darius lowers his torch into the pyre and Eda begins her mournful song.
Give up the sun, the moon, the stars
Give up everything that you are
Just to save the day, save the pain
Of one person more
Eda’s voice rings out across the clearing, her soft words and softer tone washing over the small crowd. The sound of the cracking fire behind her harmonizes with the breathy woodwind quotes coming from Raine’s parent’s instruments, merging with the generous words, instantly drawing out tears from everyone, as if their emotions could somehow put out the fire burning in front of them.
Give up your castle, crown, your king
You'd give up every single thing
Just to see the smile of a child
You'd give up your own
Luz can feel Amity’s grip on her arm tighten – she didn’t even realize she had grabbed her – the woodwind notes faltering for a brief moment as their players are overcome with emotion before picking back up, continuing to move in tandem with Eda’s voice. Luz can feel the smell of burning wood tickle the inside of the nose, the odor of burning clothes and skin assaulting her nose, but all she can do is focus on the dulcet tones of her mentor in front of her.
I'd give the sun, the moon, the stars
Give up my good, give up my all
Just to see you smile once more, be
Eternally yours
The fire is roaring even louder, the pyre burning even brighter, its destruction trying to drown Eda’s song, trying to drown out the voices and cries of everyone else. Yet Luz can still hear the tears from her mother beside her, from Skara behind her, from their partners and students and those who care for them – she can still hear the crystal clear deviation pouring out of Eda’s mouth.
You’ve room in your heart for the world, and
Room in your soul for all burdens
Do you have the space for one more?
Will you let me be
Eda’s voice finally shudders, her face still just as dry even as her eyes take on a wet sheen. Eda takes one last pause, a much longer one, barely able to finish her song if not for the brief respite her emotions gave her, taking a deep breath and pushing though, stronger than every other verse, stronger than the raging fire, stronger than Luz has ever seen her.
Wherever you go I will be
Eternally yours
Eda finally finishes her song, her voice muting as Raine’s parents drop their instruments to their sides. Darius teleports beside her, pulling the Owl Lady into a one-armed embrace as they turn to face the flame, its heat finally starting to lessen. Luz tries to turn to her mother, tries to find her, comfort her, do anything to help her, but she’s already gone, running up to join Darius and Eda.
Raine’s partners come together to watch as the fire gets smaller and smaller and smaller, finally petering out after too long – after not long enough – the ashes of Raine Whispers sitting isolated within the ring of water. Dell Clawthorne finally stands up, passing by the group and giving his daughter a kiss on the forehead before moving in to collect the remains for the final part of their funeral. Eda sniffles and shuffles back to her seat, barely able to stand after giving all she had and more in that performance, giving everything to Raine.
“That was beautiful, Ed – ”
“Not now, baby. Please.”
“...right. Sorry.”
It gets easier with time. Fucking bullshit.
After over twenty years spent in the Demon Realm, one would think Luz would be used to red grass. But as she walks with the small procession away from the acrid smell of burning flesh still hanging in the air, the crunching of sharp leaves echoing in front of and around her, she can’t help but miss the familiar green she grew up with.
As she thinks about walking over that green grass to watch as her father would be lowered into his final resting place, as she thinks about walking over that same green grass year after year to visit his grave beside her mama – thinks about walking over this new red grass to make this exact trip year after year to visit Raine – she can’t decide which colour she actually hates more.
All she knows is that she’s not excited to start making this trip in the future. She’s not excited to make this trip even now.
At least she knows she’s not alone. In her feelings or on this trip.
Dell Clawthorne leads the small procession away from the burned pyre and ring of water, holding the collected ashes of Raine Whispers and a prepared palistrom seed in his hands. He’s flanked by Liltih and Hunter on both sides, with Eda walking behind them, her head held too high per posture too straight, everything about her screaming that she needs to keep up this facade of strength or else she’ll crumble.
Eda was first walking alongside Darius and Camila, before pulling away to stand on her own, Luz moving forward to pull her mother into a hug and walk beside her, Darius standing on her other side, keeping a hand on her waist to help steady her. Everyone else that attended Raine’s funeral was left behind – Luz leaving behind a tearful Amity and Hunter moving away from Willow, with Gus and Vee looking on beside them all – only Raine’s closest people allowed to partake in this last Clawthorne tradition.
Luz feels a shifting weight beside her, stumbling as Camila trips over a root and almost falls down herself, caught and quickly picked up by Darius, the older man now wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Camila just sniffles and wipes her eyes, muttering out an “I’m alright, mija,” before walking forward, the tear tracks still visible on her cheeks.
The stress was visible on everyone. Forehead wrinkles gathered on Dell’s forehead, even more gray hair sprouted from Lilith’s head matching her sister’s head even closer, crow’s feet developed around Darius’ eyes even on his perfect skin, laugh lines formed near Camila’s mouth even as she smiled less often, and the eye bags under Eda’s eyes looked like an even deeper storage unit than her hair.
These past few months had aged everyone years.
So why didn’t she see it on Hunter’s face?
Why didn’t she see it on her own?
It gets easier with time. So why did everything seem so much harder now?
Luz almost didn’t notice when Dell stopped walking, Eda nearly bumping into his shoulder as he turned around, taking in the open space behind the Clawthorne residence, other still sprouting and fully grown palistrom trees surrounding them all. Dell takes one last breath before calling Camila and Darius up, the old man taking the hand of Luz's mother so they could join Eda.
The Clawthorne head hands the ashes to Eda, giving the seed to Darius and pulling out a small trowel for Camila, directing her to the spot where they would be planting the palistrom, all of Raine’s partners taking part in their final burial. He steps away to pull Lilith into a hug, Luz feeling Hunter shuffle over to her side, his shaking hands still in his pockets as Luz leans to lay her head on the taller man’s shoulder.
“This shit sucks.”
Luz jumps at the sound of Hunter’s voice, his usually higher tone a deeper baritone, thick with emotion and age, vibrating straight through to her bones. Luz takes a moment to catch her breath before leaning in once more, interlocking his arm with her own.
“Yeah. It does.” Luz nods, nuzzling herself deeper into the crook of Hunter’s neck. “Kinda surprised to hear you say that, you’ve been handling this pretty well.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” If Luz didn't know any better, she would think she actually struck a nerve – if she wasn’t so close to him, she wouldn’t be able to feel his silent chuckle at the accusation.
“I just didn’t see you cry during Eda’s song. Haven’t seen you cry all day.”
“Haven’t seen you tear up, either.”
“Well you weren’t looking, then.”
“Hm. Maybe I wasn’t.” Hunter releases a slow breath, the exhale condensing into a visible fog in front of them. “I’ve been to a lot of funerals. Attended every one as is customary for a fallen Coven soldier…and snuck out to attend every wild witch funeral I caused.” Hunter pauses, Luz moving to face him, his gaze still trained forward, unmoving, directed at the pallbearers for Raine’s ashes. “I’m more surprised they’re taking it as well as they are.”
Luz turns to follow his eyes, looking towards her mother. She can still see the tear tracks on her cheeks as she’s hunched over, dirt already under her fingernails, using the carved trowel to dig the spot for Raine’s final resting place. Darius kneels beside her, one hand on her shoulder, the usually boisterous witch unusually and unsurprisingly silent the entire day. Eda stands over both of them, her arms forced to her sides, unable to let go of her strength, scared she might lose it forever.
Luz really didn’t think they would be handling this half as well as they are.
“I mean, it's not the first time.” Luz voices instead, her words shaking in the throes of her own memories. “Not the first time mama lost a partner, I mean. With papa…”
“It’s okay, Luz. You don’t have to keep going. I know.” Hunter cuts off her racing thoughts, finally turning away from his father to rest his chin on top of her head, Luz squeezing his bicep in return. ”It’s the same for papa. Even though he doesn’t talk about the former golden guard much.”
“Hm.” Luz rolls around the thought of Darius, of her mama, of Hunter in her mind. “So you’re telling me this does get easier? Eventually?”
“Fuck no.” Hunter spits out the words, spits at the idea of this ever being easy “This shit sucks. For all of us. I’ve just gotten better at hiding it. Raine… they were the closest thing I had to a parent. All of them are.”
Luz hears Darius step forward, leaning down to put the seed in the plot Camila dug for them, sticking the pointy end into the dirt before running his hand across the pile Luz’s mama left behind, burying Raine’s headstone before standing back up and nearly falling into Camila’s arms.
Eda steps forward robotically, her feet crushing the red grass below her as she opens the bag containing their remains, whispering something only meant for Raine's ears before crouching down to gingerly dump the ashes over the pile. A bit of gray flies into the sky, spreading across the Isles one last time before infusing with the ground, the second funeral of Raine Whispers coming to a silent end.
An unfamiliar sound echoes through Luz’s ears, a shrill, piercing noise making her jump in fear, Hunter anchoring her in place as the voice echoes around the clearing, slowly coming into focus as Luz realizes that the scream is coming from Eda. Luz sees her body collapsing in on itself, chest crumpling and knees bucking as the weight of the past day, the past week, the past few months – the weight of her entire life falls on her shoulders.
Luz tries to reach out to catch her mentor, her family, but finds herself rooted to the spot, her own feet anchoring her in place as she watches as Camila and Darius rush forwards instead, catching Eda and not allowing her to touch the dirt, Eda barely even realizing who’s holding her, where she is as she just screams, her unshed tears flowing from her eyes like waterfalls, threatening to drown everyone around her.
She screams and screams and screams, sobbing until her throat turns hoarse, crying until she's coughing blood, and yet she still screams. Thrashing violently in the hold her partners have her in, screaming for them to let her go let me go let me GO let me bring themback letme JOINthem – Darius and Camila refusing to release her, refusing to let her go, refusing to give up on her. Even as their arms bleed, even as their own screams join hers, no matter how much it hurts, they refuse to let her be alone.
After what feels like hours – time almost losing its meaning for Luz – Eda’s shouts finally soften into sniffles, then into nothing as Eda passes out in her partner’s arms, her body slouching in their hold. The two of them stumble before picking her up, wrapping her arms around their shoulders, giving one last glance to Raine’s grave before turning away.
Camila tilts her head to her daughter, and Luz runs up, finally letting go of Hunter’s arm to give her a kiss on her forehead before shooing her away, telling her that she’ll catch up later, that they need to take care of Eda, that she’ll be alright. Camila sighs and nods, turning her attention back to Eda as the three of them make their way back to the Clawthorne residence. Luz turns back to Hunter to see him releasing an embrace he was sharing with Dell, his mentor ruffling his hair and wiping at his eyes before following behind his own daughter.
“I hate this.”
Hunter’s voice scares Luz again, his words thick with emotion – with anger instead of the sadness she was expecting. His gaze is turned away from her, to the spot where Raine’s palistrom seed was buried. Luz approaches him from behind, not meaning to sneak up behind him but doing so anyway.
“Yeah. It sucks. I kn-”
“I hate this. All of this.” Hunter cuts her off, maybe not even realizing Luz is still there as he talks to nobody. “All of the pain. All of the memories. All of the ghosts. Everything.” Hunter whips around to face Luz, his face carefully blank, the fire in his eyes burning almost as brightly as Raine’s pyre. “You asked if this gets easier with time? It doesn't. It just makes it all so much harder.”
“Every single funeral, every single death, every single ghost has followed me.” Hunter rants on, his face manic as his emotions finally spill forth in front of Luz. “They just keep following me. I-I’m supposed to feel sad – and I am – but I’m just so tired. I’m just so angry. And…and there’s just going to be more ghosts. Forever.” Luz can feel something more in that word, can feel a twinge in her own heart at the thought of forever.
“I don’t want any more ghosts.”
Hunter’s face settles at the desire, his expression hardening into something akin to determination as his gaze focuses, looking above Luz, at something she cannot see, something she wishes she could, something that she might just understand all too closely. Hunter takes in one last deep breath before exhaling, the fog blinding her before he leaves, sidestepping her body with heavy, purposeful steps, leaving Luz all alone.
She stands in the clearing, the sun beginning to set behind her before she follows in his footsteps, inhaling the fresh forest air one final time, making her way back to the Clawthorne residence – pausing as she passes by a puddle. She catches her own eyes in the reflection – her clear face, her still young face staring back, her smooth skin in contrast with literally everyone else, the stress refusing to age her even a second older than how she’d looked eleven years ago.
Luz is scared of what that means.
It gets easier with time. Luz is worried about how long that might take.