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For once, Ren and False are actually being responsible and doing adult things instead of twaddling. Ren has haphazard tabs open on hotels in San Diego. He’s on call with False, who for the most part, seems way better at adulting than him.
“Hey, check this out,” False says, then sends an excessively long, jumbled up link to a hotel in their DMs. Ren clicks into it and is instantly assaulted with information. Before he can dig into it, False has sent another link. Ren dutifully clicks into it, piling more on top of his messy tabs.
False is talking about location and price, and everything seems fine, but then Ren scrolls past the pictures and is hit with the filter False chose. Two people, one room, one bed. It’s an easy mistake to make, but Ren, the absolute fool he is, instantly starts sweating at the implications.
“False?”
“Yes?”
“I think you got the filters wrong.”
“No I didn’t.” False sounds hurried and stubborn, like she insists she can do no wrong.
“But the link you sent me says one room and one bed!” Ren presses on.
There’s a pause. Then False nonchalantly speaks up.
“... So?”
Ren laughs nervously. What is False doing? Seriously, she’s such an enigma. “We’re not staying in the same room, False! We— we can’t do that!”
“Why not?” False whines. “Dude, I— I can’t afford this trip otherwise! This is hard enough already! For both of us!”
Ren is speechless. “B—bu—but—”
“Some— some sacrifices have to be made for San Diego!” False’s voice is increasing in pitch, and while she might sound aggravated, Ren knows her well enough to tell this is the one she uses when she’s making an excuse. “And sometimes it’s the hotel rooms! Blimey!”
“Okay. Okay. Fine.” Ren caves for False, because when does he not? He takes a deep breath. “You still got the filter wrong. You chose one bed.”
There’s silence for three seconds. It stretches on. Ren patiently waits for False to amend her mistake. And then—
“Huh,” False says casually.
Ren doesn’t understand. “What do you mean, huh?”
There’s silence for three more seconds. Then False’s voice gets out, bland on purpose, but it doesn’t hide the skittish, nervous edge in it.
“I—I thought you wouldn’t mind. And it’s cheaper. That’s all.”
False coughs. Ren stares at the links she sent him.
“But we can’t share a bed,” Ren says finally, his soul feeling like it's floating away from him. “Maybe a room, but definitely not a bed.”
“Why not?” False whines again, suddenly cutesy, and Ren’s heart involuntarily leaps.
“Because— because we’re not a couple or anything, False! Geez!” Ren’s heart is hammering in his chest. He’s as red as a tomato and he has half the mind to run out and splash water on his cheeks.
“Huh,” False says again. Like she’s surprised they’re not a couple. “Well… we could change that.”
Now it’s Ren’s turn to be dead silent. “False,” Ren begins, and a fond laugh escapes from his lips, “Are you seriously asking me out right now?”
“No I’m not! I’m just trying to book flippin’ hotels!” Of course False pivots and throws herself into a different direction. She’s like a scared prey animal who got cornered by her own bizarre actions.
Ren sighs. “False.”
“Concentrate!”
“False—”
“Look at the hotel links, bro! We got work to do!” False is panicked and not addressing the elephant in the room. The elephant that she brought up, mind you.
“You just can’t spring that on me and then leave without explanation!” Ren bursts out.
“Oh, now we’re talking about leaving without explanation?” False gets out hotly, half-cutesy, half full of scorn. “Like when you said ‘stop’ when I put on a suit jacket and didn’t answer when I asked you what you meant? Or when you sang for my birthday and added ‘definitely hell’ for no reason? Or that flippin’ time on stream when you said you only got nervous around me and did not elaborate? Oh my goodness. Ren Ren Ren Ren Ren! You always leave without explaining yourself!!”
“Hmm. Well.” There’s a sheepish tone in Ren’s voice. He’s been caught. “I do— I do acknowledge I sometimes leave without explaining.”
“Do better, Ren!” False chastises. “Or else I'm gonna do the same to you!”
Ren shifts in his seat expectantly, head perking up like a dog. “False? False? Are you gonna ask me out then? False?”
The resounding silence stretches for so long that Ren almost wonders if they lost connection. He clears his throat.
“Because if you’re not gonna say anything, I’ll beat you to it. Na na na na na.” Ren adopts the sing-song tone of annoying whiny kindergarten kids.
False finally speaks. “I don’t wanna ask you out,” she says decisively.
Normally, Ren would’ve seen this as a solid rejection and move on with his life, but False is so bizarre that he has to poke deeper. “Why not?”
“‘Cause you’ll say I’m such a good friend and never flirt with me and call me a homie and you never do anything about it,” False huffs. “And I just don’t wanna. Anyways, about the hotels—”
Ren is so flustered that it’s a miracle he can even speak right now. “False, are you telling me you like me too?” His voice rises up, hopeful.
“... No?” False says, but he can tell she only said that to be unpredictable and weird, not because she means it.
“False. I’ll beat you to asking you out.”
“I don’t—”
“Get on Hermitcraft now! We can’t have this stupid conversation over Discord! Geez!”
This is deeply unromantic, but honestly Ren’s such a failure around False that it never would’ve gone to plan anyway. Not that he has any existing plans for wooing his very good platonic best friend…
Ren logs onto Hermitcraft and instantly makes a bee-line for False’s base. A familiar whoosh of an elytra and the magnificent base pops into view. But no sign of that familiar avatar (the one that always makes him smile). He hastily opens a voice group called “rensymmetry :D” and waits for her to join him.
“Where are you?”
“Where are you?” False responds, somewhat vexed.
“I’m at your base!”
“Well I’m at your base!”
Great. This is just great. They’re so in sync and that’s why they get nothing done. “I’m coming!” Ren cries out, then clumsily crash-lands in his own base. False’s avatar is staring at him like he’s a particularly squirmy bug.
“You’re not beating me to it,” False whines while punching his avatar.
Ren stills. “Okay.” He crouches repeatedly to show excitement.
“So. Ren. You know we’ve been friends for a very long time.”
“Yes?”
“And we’ve gotten closer over the years.”
“Yes?”
“And we met up IRL and you almost took me on a date and gave me a trophy that you spent a year planning.”
“Yes— wait, I didn’t take you out on a date!”
“That’s what I said! ‘Cause the storm ruined everything!”
Ren’s flustered. “B—but even if that wasn't the case, it wasn’t meant to be a date!”
“You had plans. A nice meal. A walk around the city. Dude.” False is saying all of this in an accusatory tone. “Ren. You know I’m not completely oblivious.”
Ren tilts his character’s head down. “B-but I genuinely didn’t mean anything more by it! I just wanna appreciate all that you’ve done for me, False!” It’s his turn to whine. They take turns picking up each other’s mannerisms until they develop their own secret incomprehensible language.
“I know.” Now False’s tone softens. “But it still felt like a date.”
Ren laughs, ever so fond. “In the storm in a dingy café where we exchanged unsavoury words with regards to our former friends?”
“Well. Y-yes?” False stutters out. She crouches and looks up at Ren with her wide blue Minecraft eyes. “You gave me a handmade trophy. And I appreciate it a lot.” Her tone is cutesy as she shifts closer to Ren just a bit.
Ren’s hands are sweating as he moves his mouse, but he knows he has to take the shot right now when False is practically begging for it. “Then would you like it if I took you out on a proper date? Like, in San Diego?” His voice lowers into a murmur, almost like he’s trying to be seductive— hah, as if that works on False.
But False only giggles. “Yeah, that’ll be nice. I’d like that.”
Ren blinks. Huh. Okay, the seductive voice worked. What the heck, dude? He didn’t expect False “Queen of Hearts” Symmetry to concede that easily. What happened? What has he done? He’s used to grand gestures and flowers and serenading just to catch the attention of a girl. What the heck has he even done to win over False’s favour??
“You seem a bit quiet, Ren,” False offers in a purposefully nonchalant tone. “I thought you were always complaining about being single. And now you’re not going to be! Tada!”
Ren has to laugh and he instinctively raises his hands in surrender. “What, you think you can decide for me?”
“Well.” False moves forward, her Minecraft face filling up his screen like she’s asking for a kiss. “If you’re not going to make a move, then I will,” she declares haughtily.
Ren sighs. “How long have you wanted this, False?”
“Long enough for me to get impatient and tired of your friendzoning,” False replies bluntly. “And honestly, Ren? You were not subtle at all.”
Ren stares at the ground again. “Geez, I was being professional, False! I didn’t want to ruin our friendship!”
“But I do,” False says, ever so nonchalant.
And then Ren’s whole world shifts on its axis. There’s an anticipatory heat in the atmosphere— the calm before the fireworks. They stare at each other. False’s face has taken up his whole screen and conquered his poor heart. Ren feels like he’s vibrating with excitement. False pushes herself closer until she physically can’t be.
“I wanna go on dates in San Diego. I wanna share a hotel room. And I wanna—” she gulps, “I wanna be more than friends. ‘Cause I think it’s worth exploring. For both of us. Is— is that okay?”
False sounds so shy and sweet. She likes him. As in she’s seen all his stupid and miserable parts, and she still likes him. “Of course, False,” Ren agrees, echoing the fondness in her voice. He bites his lip so he won’t say something stupid like “I’ve had a crush on you since 2016”.
So what he says instead is, words helplessly spilling out like a bleeding wound, “I’ve always been in love with you.”
False giggles and smacks his avatar. “Aww, Ren. But save the words for when we meet up later.”
Meeting up. Going on the same flight. Attending Twitchcon, playing MCC, and being on the Hermitcraft panel. He’s doing all of that with False. His girlfriend False.
“Wow. Geez. I— I’m just stunned, Falsie,” Ren babbles, his old nickname finally resurfacing. “I didn’t think you’d like me back. I’m the luckiest man alive. Oh my goodness gracious.”
“You didn’t notice what I was doing in Seattle?” False says, an edge of judgement in her tone. “Y’know, the lake house?”
Ren blinks. His mind flashes back to the happiest week of his life. “Huh?” he says, completely clueless.
False sighs. “Never mind. At least we got there in the end.” She jumps around his base like she’s fiddling with her controls to get rid of the nervous energy.
“You were flirting with me in Seattle?” Ren asks, incredulous.
“Why— why did you think I was so close to you!” False whines. “And why did I agree to go on that flippin’ canoe!”
“I thought you were nervous around everyone else! Geez!”
“Well you make me nervous with your complete inability to pick up hints,” False huffs, peevish. “A-anyways. Booking hotels.”
Ren’s mind is swimming with all the exciting new developments. “Yes. We should get back to the logistics.”
“At least we can save money by only booking one bed! Yayyyyy!”
“Wait.” There’s a hot pinprick on the back of Ren’s neck and he’s truly sweating in places he shouldn’t be sweating in. A flush is rising up his chest. “Wait wait wait. You know what it means if we share a bed.”
“Yeah,” False says, faux breezy to hide the awkwardness. “That’s why I wanted to share. Unless you don’t want to. We’re a couple now and we have to decide things together.”
Wow, False sure is speeding forward like a steam train. Ren feels dazed by the rapid developments. She’s already referring to themselves as a couple and while it makes Ren giddy with excitement, he has to wonder how long she’s been fantasizing about this.
“Ren,” False begins, and she sounds accusatory again, “why did you think I brought up sharing a bed?”
“To cut down costs?” Ren asks tentatively, and then adds on with, “And it could be like. Y’know. A sleepover.”
“A sleepover,” False echoes.
Ren nods. His face is so red that he’s eternally thankful he’s not on facecam right now. “W-with a pillow barrier between us.”
There’s silence for five seconds. And then False smacks Ren again.
“Dude. I don’t care about a flippin’ pillow barrier. You don’t have to be so restrained around me.”
“Okay okay okay fine!” Ren again raises his hands in surrender. “You’re killing me, False!”
“Why am I the one propositioning you? I know you want me,” False mumbles, grumpy, and a shiver runs down Ren’s spine. How obvious is he? She can just see through his deranged brain and his fantasies like its glass.
“W-well,” Ren stammers out. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable! I thought I was being unprofessional!”
“That’s— that’s fair enough. But now you don’t have to worry about that.” False leans forward to smack him again, and his character stumbles backwards.
Ren takes a deep breath and knows he has to regain some control of the situation. “Okay, we’ll book the hotel, and I’ll plan a proper date for us, okay?” He repeatedly crouches and uncrouches, and False mimics his behaviour.
“I look forward to it,” False says sweetly, and Ren’s heart unfurls like a spring flower. “Okay, we should probably log off before the prices increase.”
Ren beams. “Yep. We’ve got lots to discuss.”
Unbeknownst to the two of them, Cleo was online when they both logged in. Cleo had naturally said hi in chat, only to be ignored by not one, but both of them. Huh.
It wasn’t like Cleo meant to spy. They were just around in the area, that was all. But she couldn’t help but notice the “rensymmetry :D” chat that only had the two of them. And the fact that False and Ren were presumably having a long conversation with their… faces shoved against each other?
Maybe Joe was right. Maybe one of them finally took the shot.
Cleo wasn’t stupid enough to intrude into whatever that was going on, but they were definitely curious about the whole affair. Or the lack of an affair. Whatever. They’d known False for more than ten years and they’d never seen her act so soft and cute around anyone else. Not even Cleo herself, which was a bit insulting, really. False had known Cleo for longer than Ren, and yet it was Ren whom she knew better? Really, False?
Cleo didn’t want to linger around in Ren’s base. Even without hearing their voices, they could tell this was a bizarre and probably embarrassing twaddle session. And so she wasn’t surprised when they both logged off at the same time.
Hm, Cleo thought. This is the calm before the storm.
And Cleo was right. (Cleo was always right.) Ten minutes later, a text from Ren popped up in the Hermitcraft Discord. “False and I are going to San Diego together! :D”
Cleo smirked, sent a cheeky “congratulations!”, and waited for the impending explosion.