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Nothing was going wrong, a slow build up of anxiety was nothing new to Etho, either. So it came as a surprise when he felt it, his chest tightening, unable to inhale a full breath, sensations in his fingertips numbing as it would in the cold and sounds sharpening to a scuffle on the wood floor being of equal volume to a gunshot. Etho sat down, sliding up against a wall for support as his head became light.
Breathing became more of a struggle as Etho buried his hands in his hair, trying to hold onto some form of sensation other than his own breathing and pounding heart. Yanking at the strands to yield comfort no more productive than tearing apart a house for a potted plant. Ripping off his mask and holding his chest tight willing for air to fill them, he felt the weight of his comm by his side, on his belt. Tears blurred his vision as he opened he eyes he hadn’t realised he closed, light from the window scraped across his eyesight as he tried to hold on to the fleeting moment of clarity.
<Etho> bdubs
<Etho> comet om ine
Etho managed to type before discarding his comm, knowledge firm in his brain that Bdubs would show. The alertness left him just as fast as it had arrived. The thrum of his heartbeat shot waves through him, head pounding. Arms gripping themselves tight, pinching, hoping for a twinge of pain to bypass his mind through this illogical flood of panic. The rush of his breath leaving behind a burning in his throat he’s unable to quell.
Distantly a sound of fireworks and the stepping of a pressure plate. “Etho?” Bdubs called out into the home. Etho couldn’t move let alone talk, his mind scolding him to say something. Anything to tell Bdubs where to find him but his voice came up empty, save for his gasping. Footsteps come closer.
“Oh sweetheart..” Bdubs slowly approaches and opts to sit next to Etho rather than smothering him.
Etho immediately crashes into his side, Bdubs turning to make room for him as he wracks through sobs, panic starting to finally flee and relief begins to pour through him. Bdubs whispers reassurances while starting to rub circles on Ethos back. The sensation finally burns through him as Etho buries his face into Bdubs’ moss jumper, heaving into it, allowing Bdubs to crowd his space. Etho isn’t sure how long they spend like that, melded into one, but it was long enough for Ethos breath to return and eyes to dry. Etho pulls away slightly.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, attempting to wipe away his tears from his cheeks, and after a moment, “thank you.”
“Nonsense,” Bdubs replies with no bite, embracing Etho once again, holding the back of his head. “Thank you for messaging me.”
Etho laughs wetly and clears his throat, “I’m surprised I even got there.” Etho admits.
Bdubs pulls Etho to face him, grasping both sides of his face, wiping away the tears his thumbs could reach. Cold, compared to Ethos burning face, but refreshing like a cold drink on a hot summers day. Bdubs’ face was filled with emotion, eyes crinkled and a sad smile tugging on his lips, eyes glistening with pride. “But you got there.” Bdubs let Etho sit in the moment before adding, “you look a mess.”
“I thought for sure the best way to show my manliness would be to cry in my partners embrace.” Etho mocked in faux disappointment putting a hand over his heart for sincerity.
“D’you want me to grab some water?” Bdubs suggested. Etho nods and Bdubs untangles them to go across the room.
Now the panic had subsided, a weight felt like it was put on Ethos chest as exchange, his head was fuzzy and full thoughts hadn’t yet reached his mind. His eyes burning from the tears he wept, and found it much easier to slip into a state of unfocused reality.
Hearing a buzz on his communicator he glances to the side of the room he left it on and crawls to grab it. It now has a scratch on one of the corners from where he threw it but otherwise nothing seemed off about it. Nothing interesting happened in the chat after his message just a concerned question mark from Bdubs.
Bdubs pads over next to Etho again with two cups of water, setting one beside Etho, who thanks him before taking generous gulps. Placing the cup down, and adjusting his position to be facing Bdubs and leans in to place a kiss on his lips. It’s nothing that lasts particularly long, and is more meant as a nonverbal ‘thank you’.
Etho pulls back to smile at Bdubs before Bdubs pulls him in again, this time firmer with Bdubs controlling the rhythm of the kiss, which Etho does not mind in the slightest before pulling away to rest their foreheads together.
The sun is now shining through the window, beaming an amber colour into the kitchen Etho notes from his peripheral vision. Movements feeling sluggish and brain comparable to the texture of porridge, Etho was hit with a wave of exhaustion.
“I’m tired ‘dubs” Etho notes.
“You go to bed,” Bdubs hand moves against Ethos collarbone, “I’ll take care of the house, okay sweetheart?” Etho nods in lieu of a response and gets up on shaky feet. He stumbles into bed and is out like a light.
Bdubs had to admit the message Etho sent him spiked his panic when he first received it. Mostly because Etho spends three times as long as anyone else typing because he has to make sure what he sent makes sense, it’s a cute little quirk Bdubs picked up on him. Although, now, it makes it an incredibly good read on the nature of Ethos messages.
Two typos? Sure Bdubs has heard of a misspelling here and there but the pace the messages were sent and the spelling weren’t doing a lot to crush his worry. And when he found Etho, curled up on himself breathing faster than a spooked animal Bdubs knew what had happened. Seeing Etho in such a state did worry him but a small part beamed with pride to know that Etho had finally worked on himself enough to call for help for a panic attack.
It was something they had been working on, Bdubs trying all sorts of ways to let Etho know he didn’t have to suffer alone, they were uncontrollable and the times Bdubs had found himself talking Etho through one of them was rarely productive as Etho had a habit of avoiding Bdubs for days like the plague out of embarrassment. It was sweet, in its own sort of way, Bdubs supposed.
Etho had gone to bed and Bdubs had decided to work on a dinner for him, knowing Ethos habits, he would wake again in about an hour with an insatiable appetite. Bdubs started cutting up assorted vegetables for baking, he cut up chunks of potatoes and put them in salty boiling water for a few moments to soften them up for the oven.
Bdubs loved cooking, everything methodically placed with timings just right, and at the end of your hard work there was a free meal, and you could only get better at it. Experimenting and trying out new things with the worst consequence being a subpar meal and the knowledge of how to improve was a fantastic motivator.
Lining things up on the tray, with a dose of oil, Bdubs worked on salting the steak and heating the pan. As he was doing so, a figure appeared in the doorway, a blanket monster with the face of his lover, who looked like he just woke up from a coma, hair pointing in more directions than a broken TV signal.
“Hey sleepyhead! I’m making dinner, you hungry?” Bdubs cheerfully sang as he put the steaks on the pan.
Etho grumbled something in reply and placed his head on Bdubs shoulder. “Smells good.” Bdubs grinned, always glad to hear feedback.
Etho retracted from Bdubs back and plopped himself on the dining room chairs. Bdubs grabbed two plates and set the out between Etho and himself before attending to the oven to retrieve the veggie bake. After serving up and sitting down Bdubs shuffles a bit closer to Etho.
“How’d you sleep?” Bdubs asked cutting into his steak.
“Better, knowing you were around”
“I can’t believe the other hermits don’t get to see sappy Etho” Bdubs leant into Etho even further.
Etho hmm’d as an answer as he began to eat. “Thank you for dinner Bdubs”