Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Oh, of course. Of fucking COURSE we'd be the ones to find a fucking trap door! Of all the bulge-rottingly idiotic-- Ugh! Can't you just fly us out of here?"

He looks at you, finally. Impressive, really, that he managed to avoid it in a space that was only three, maybe four feet wide. More impressive is the way you can't suppress the flinch in response.

"I...can't," you manage, mouth dry. You try to regulate your breathing, try to calm your heart rate down, but you can't.

Because you're six and shut in a trunk with a puppet that gives you nightmares.

Because you're eight and trapped in the closet you tried to hide in when you didn't want to strife.

Because you're eleven and cornered as a harsh lesson on how to fight in confined spaces.

"Jegus fuck, Dave, you're shaking."

Karkat's voice is soft, worried, but you barely have time to register it before you're wrapped up in his arms. It's awkward - he's shorter than you, and the shaft you've been unceremoniously dumped into is narrow, and neither of you are very good at this. But it's...nice? Yeah, you'll go with that. It's like, super uncool and kinda gay, but it's not any worse than having a bad enough freak-out that your God Tier Powers stop working.

"Don't," you say. You didn't think about saying it, it just came out, but Karkat obliges, trying to separate from you as much as he can.

"Sorry," he says, and it's so small but so genuine that something inside you gives way and you can feel the hot, wet pressure behind your eyes, only briefly threatening to spill before it actually does.

"Fuck," you mutter weakly, screwing your eyes shut as you try to brace yourself against the wall in a desperate attempt to ground yourself. You can feel as much as hear Karkat digging into his pockets, until he shoves something into your hand. You take it, too confused to object. It's a strip of fabric - a square, actually. Dude, did you just give me your fucking hanky? Whatever. You shove it under your shades, knocking them askew. You feel Karkat reach for them, but before you can object, he's shifted them to the top of your head, out of the way, but not out of reach. Fuck. When the hell'd he get so considerate?

You're shaking again. Or possibly still. You're pressing the fabric to your eyes hard enough that it kinda hurts, but it pales in comparison to the horrible cocktail of negative emotions spawning from the feel of the cloth dampening.

"Dave? Are you breathing?"

Are you? You try, and the sound you make is so shaky and pathetic and you hate it. You hate it so fucking much, but the dam is broken and you're drowning. You're drowning and there's nowhere to go and you're trapped and you're scared and you hate that you're scared what the fuck is there to be scared of even it's just a stupid shaft there's no one here to hurt you there's no danger it's not a punishment it's just a freak accident just stop shaking already and fly your stupid fucking ass out of here you're making it worse you're trapping yourself here you're such a fucking baby--

"Hey, okay, what the fuck are you even on about? It's gonna be fine, okay?" Karkat's voice is so soft, so gentle, it's completely gutting you. He's got his hand on your arm, rubbing his thumb back and forth. It...hurts. Something deep within you aches in a way you can hardly explain. But you don't tell him to stop. You don't shrug him off. You can't. You're Prometheus to his fire and Icarus to his sun and you just want to burn yourself alive in him and you don't even know why.

You don't know when or how you sunk down into a ball (like the fucking snot-nosed, diaper-shitting toddler you fucking are god you're pathetic) but Karkat's right there, sitting right next to you, his hand having moved from your arm to your back, but still trying not to crowd you as much as he can in this tiny fucking space. He's quiet, technically, but you can practically hear his worry echoing up the metal walls, nearly deafening you.

It may have deafened something, anyway, because you suddenly don't care about how you look anymore and you shift just enough to fall into him. He makes some startled squeak-chirp, but he doesn't question you, not verbally. He moves slowly and deliberately, clearly telegraphing his movements in a tactile way as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. You don't shake him off. You don't want to. You didn't want to last time, not really - that was something else, something inside of you you're pretty sure isn't actually you anymore, if it ever was, and...it's not there. Not right now, anyway. All that's in your head right now is Karkat's quiet shooshing and his warm hands and the soft, comforting drone coming from deep within his chest. And it's making you feel...safe. And it hits you like a wrecking ball that you've never actually felt safe before. Not like this.

The wrecked sobs that rip through your chest are such a foreign sound you almost didn't realize they were coming from you. You've never cried like this before, not in your memory. You hardly cried at all, and if you did, it was brief and quiet. Whatever strength you had to keep you from being such a fucking wuss is gone now...and honestly, you might be kind of okay with that. Yeah, crying fucking sucks - your whole body feels like shit and your head hurts and your eyes feel swollen as fuck and your throat's strained and burning and you know your nose is running like a goddamned cartoon character's - but it kinda feels like that might all be worth it to be wrapped up in somebody's arms, somebody who's just there and waiting and letting you go through it and not pushing about anything.

Somebody who actually fucking cares.

When the realization hits, it feels like the warmth of the sun on a cold day, the kind that makes you understand what cats are on about, basking in sunbeams all day. It's calming, exciting, grounding, freeing... You can't explain it, it just feels good, and the sobs in your chest are finally subsiding.

You take a few deep breaths as the faucets in your face are slowly turned off. "Fuck, man, I'm sorry about that," you croak out.

"Whatever," Karkat says in a way you know would be "it's okay" from anybody else.

You're expecting something more, a "do you feel better now" or an "are you able to stand," but nothing comes. You know he can't be comfortable like this, in an awkward pile in a cramped metal shaft comforting this huge-ass crybaby who freaked out on him for no fucking reason and has probably managed to get snot and tears on his sweatshirt, but he just stays, holding you and rubbing your back. It forces a fresh (but thankfully small) wave of tears from your eyes.

"Sorry," you say again, voice barely audible even to you.

"Stop apologizing." His voice is soft but gruff in the way where it's 100% performative and everybody knows it. "It's not like you can help having a panic at-- response."

You do flinch a little bit at that. You know it's stupid, but something about the phrase "panic attack" hits your brain wrong, makes you feel defensive (because you should always be ready for attacks, always be on the offensive, don't fucking get caught off guard or you'll pay with your life), but hearing it called a "response"... It settles there, neutral in its existence. Non-threatening. It's just a thing. A thing that happens sometimes, and it's okay. You can't help it, can't control it. There is no good or bad here, it just Is.

Another deep breath and you finally pull the fabric from your face, rubbing one last time to catch the stray tears. You pull your sunglasses back down before fully opening your eyes again. The cloth in your hands is black and well-worn. Because Karkat's tears are red. The realization tugs at you. You open your mouth to apologize for getting it all gross, but Karkat's "stop apologizing" echoes again in your (aching, stuffy) head, so you close it, swallow, and try again. "Thanks...for this," you manage, weakly waving the hanky. "You probably don't want it back right now, huh?"

"Keep it," Karkat says, derailing anything else you might've rambled on about. "I've got a bunch." He still doesn't press, doesn't move except for the hand still gently rubbing your back. He's waiting for you, letting you make the next move, and boy does that do something to you.

Something you're not quite ready to think about right now. Not like this. Not in a fucking dead-end ventilation shaft. You captchalogue the gross hanky, and as soon as you shift, Karkat lets you go. "I'll get us out of here."

It's awkward, but you manage to get back to your feet (ugh, your whole everything feels like it's jacked with sawdust). You hold your hand out to Karkat. He takes it, and you can feel him try to pull himself to standing, but you just float upwards until his feet are off the ground. He makes an undignified yelp and goes to grab your hand with his other hand, but you catch it in your free hand and then almost immediately, you're both standing on the meteor proper. His hands feel nice in yours, but you let them go anyway, though maybe half a second too late.

And there you both are, awkward as fuck, barely even looking at each other.

You break the silence first. "I'm...gonna go take a shower."

Karkat grunts in acknowledgement and you all but flee.

Chapter Text

You know it's gross, but you kind of avoid showering if you can. You hate being alone with your thoughts with nothing to distract you. If you can brainstorm lyrics and rap loudly enough to focus on that alone, that's usually enough to get you through. But you're not anywhere near the headspace to spin some sick rhymes right now, and you're kinda desperate to not feel so disgusting.

Why? Because you showed some emotional vulnerability to another BOY?

No, Rose. It's not that. Or at least...not entirely that. It's that you'd cracked and crumbled at all, that you'd cried in front of somebody else, period. And that that somebody else had been...kind. And caring. And supportive. And you'd liked it. You wanted-- want so, so much more of that. Part of you just wants to pour out everything in front of him, show him every sick, warped, broken, rotting piece of you, and have him love you all the same.

Fuck. Like... Platonic love. Friend love. Just because you're straight doesn't mean you can't love your friends.

Right?

That's...that's all this is. Just a bromance. It's fine. It's...

You slam your fists against the tiled wall before leaning heavily against them.

It's not just friendship. You fucking well know that. It had just...been easier, you guess, to lie to yourself when you believed he didn't, wouldn't, couldn't feel the same about you. For all you feign ignorance, you actually do understand more than you let on about the quadrants (it's just fun riling Karkat up and maybe it's kinda cute when he goes off on his long rants and yeah, okay, maybe that was your first fucking clue that this whole "just bros" thing was a house of cards lies built upon a foundation of sand toxic masculinity but whatever). And yeah, you don't know everything about it, obviously, but you're pretty fucking sure that that whole...thing was pretty fucking pale. Because you do actually pay attention to Karkat's godawful rom-coms and you're all but certain you can map Karkat's actions onto at least three separate heavy pale scenes.

And one in particular stands out, sending an ice shard through your heart as you remember when the main couple flipped from pale to red and Karkat had actually paused the movie to practically filibuster about how fucked up and unhealthy it was. (And you can't help but feel like you're just deluding yourself thinking that his outburst came from the same sort of place yours did when you argued with him about why there was no chance in hell the male protagonist and his best friend were actually going to get together.) Because it means that if he's pale for you, he won't flip red. That's not what trolls do.

And you... You don't want to choose. You can't choose. That's not how humans work - or at least, that's not how you work. (What do you know? You can't speak for everybody.) You don't really know for sure yet if you really feel "red" for him, but you are real damn sure you can't feel "red" for somebody without also feeling "pale." If you did the moirallegiance thing with Karkat, you'd only be setting him up for heartbreak when you inevitably break it off. Even if you did feel red for him, what then? Either you drive him crazy forcing him to vacillate on your whims, or you're driven crazy having to give up emotional intimacy for physical. And, god, just the thought of Karkat getting into deep feelings jams with anybody else tears you apart inside.

Fuck. Just how goddamn fucking selfish are you, really?

You can't... You can't do this. It's not fair to either of you, and you know that. The only..."mature" (ugh) thing to do is talk about it (double ugh). At least if you can stop this train before it flies off the broken track and down the thousand-foot drop into the ravine below where it crashes with a comically impressive explosion complete with a Chernobyl-esque mushroom cloud, you might be able to salvage something. And you...you desperately want to salvage something. You can't survive another two years on this meteor going the same way you are.

You push off the wall and concentrate on washing yourself up. You'll figure out the logistics of this "talking" thing later. Right now, you just want to get clean.

Sometime during the walk between the bathroom and your room, Rose messages you, inviting you to dinner. When you're safely behind your closed door, you reply, "not hungry," toss your phone on your desk, and land face-first in your bed.

You only realize you'd been asleep when a knock at your door wakes you up. You can surmise based on said knock that Rose is on the other side, so you say, "What?"

"I brought you some food."

You sigh. She's just trying to be a good sister, a good friend. "Door's unlocked," you say, not moving from your prone position on your bed, arms around the pillow under your head, except to fix your sunglasses to sit right again on your face.

Rose opens the door and closes it again behind her. "Karkat said you probably weren't feeling well but refused to elaborate." She sets the covered plate of food down on your nightstand and takes a seat in your computer chair.

You decide to answer the unasked question. "Pretty much, yeah."

"I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"

"You suppose correctly."

"Is that because I'm the one asking?"

You shift your head enough to let her know you're looking at her, albeit askance. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She rolls her eyes. "It means, if Karkat were here, would you tell him?"

"The fuck's that gotta do with it?"

She sighs. "Okay, fine, forget I asked. But I do feel I should let you know that he seemed very worried about you." Oh. "He's the one who asked me to bring a plate to you. Like, actually asked." 

Oh. You can't help the way your arms tighten around your pillow.

"I asked him if he wanted to do it himself, and he just mumbled something about it probably not being a good idea and immediately left. Now, I'm trying not to read too much into this, but...did something happen between you two?"

You hesitate, then ask, "Rose, can I trust you with something?"

"Am I not trustworthy?"

You level an unamused glare at her, knowing she can't see your eyes, but you're pretty sure she can feel it.

She sighs. "What kind of trust?"

You finally push yourself up to sitting and lean against the wall. "I just...need to hear that you won't bring this up at all again, ever, with anybody. I... I'm really hoping you can help me, because I think I need it, but I can't do it unless you can promise me that this stays here, between us, in this point in time."

Rose actually looks a bit concerned now, but she nods. "Okay. I promise this conversation will be forgotten when I walk out that door."

You take a deep breath, wondering where to start. "What's it like, dating Kanaya?"

Rose looks a bit taken aback by the question. "In what sense?"

"Like... Are you cool with the whole quadrant thing? Keeping the pale and red things separate?"

She shakes her head. "Kanaya knows I don't work within the quadrants. We've discussed this at length, actually - to me, she's my girlfriend. To her, I'm both her matesprit and moirail. Right now, we're just trying to figure things out as we go."

"So like...what're you gonna do when she finds a kismesis? Are you just cool with that?"

"Honestly?" She hesitates. "No, I'm not 'cool' with it. I don't know what I'm going to do. It...scares me, to think that I might not be able to be enough for her, because she's everything to me. But I also can't force her to deny herself for my sake. I think she knows I'm uncomfortable with the idea of multiple partners, but I have asked her to be honest with me if she ever senses a change in the way she feels about me."

You roll that answer around in your head for a moment. "Kinda sounds like you're just hoping it'll never come up."

The hollow laugh tells you you hit the nail on the head. "Perhaps."

"What if you had to choose? Between red and pale?" You can't look directly at Rose right now, so your gaze falls to the floor. "What if she met someone else who fit into one of those quadrants perfectly for her, and you could only be in just one?"

You glance up briefly enough to catch how uncomfortable Rose looks with the question. "I don't...really think I could do that," she says softly. "Both parts are equally important to me."

"Would you break up with her?"

She's hugging herself. You'd be proud of yourself for hitting her vulnerabilities for once, instead of the other way around, if it wasn't making you gut-wrenchingly sick as well. "I don't know," she finally answers, barely audible. "I sincerely hope these inquiries have a purpose beyond simply prying into my own insecurities about my relationship."

You hesitate. You want to say the words, but they won't come. You manage a small nod, but nothing else seems to be forthcoming.

"Forgive me for asking, but...is it about Karkat?"

You force down the part of you that wants to object. Rose did you a solid by being honest with you - the least you can do is be honest with her. You nod again.

She seems to be waiting for you to elaborate, but the words still won't come. She sighs. "Dave, I can try to fathom a guess as to what this is all about, but I think it'll be much easier for both of us if you just tell me."

You nod and take a deep breath. You close your eyes and press your back against the wall, focusing on the pressure. "I think he's pale for me, and I don't know what to do about it," you finally say.

"Oh..." Rose says, like she's surprised to hear that from you. Maybe it is surprising that you, self-professed Heterosexual Cool Guy, would care about how to handle another guy having a crush on you. She takes a moment before saying, "Dave, I know moirallegiance is romantic for trolls, but if you're truly not comfortable with that--"

"It's not that," you say, cutting her off. You swallow. You curl up, head on your knees. Your next words are small. "I think I might be in love with him."

"In love...as in like, fully flushed?"

"Like the way you are with Kanaya."

"Oh..."

You know she wants you to elaborate on why this is a problem, even though she can probably guess it anyway. "I don't want... I can't be just his moirail." You dig your fingers into your arms, trying to steady yourself, keep your voice even, keep your words clear. "If that's all he wants from me... I can't do it. I mean, even if-- Even if I wasn't, how the fuck is that fair to him? How the fuck could I agree to that, knowing I'd just have to break his heart when I find somebody else? Because I can't do the red stuff without the pale. If I'm gonna go into it, it's all or nothing, y'know? But...I think it's him. I think... I think I want to go all-in with him, but I can't... I can't ask him to do shit he's not built for. Even if he does indulge me, it's all just gonna come crashing down the moment he finds somebody better." Shit, you're on the verge of crying again. You screw your eyes shut again and try to regulate your breathing. You've already cried enough today, and you really don't wanna do it in front of Rose, no matter how many times she promises to forget this whole conversation.

You hear her get up from the chair, and then feel the bed sink under her weight as she sits on the edge of it. Eventually, she says, "It pains me to say that I've been discourteous in my assessment of you. I had honestly assumed I would need to push you into at least considering a pale relationship with Karkat, but...you've actually brought up some points I honestly hadn't even thought about."

You snort, the threat of tears having passed. "I know the answer is just to talk to him, but I don't know how. I can barely even talk to you about it."

Rose thinks for a moment. "Could you write it?"

You look up at her. "Like...a love letter?" You make a face - you could do that shit ironically, sure, but to do it sincerely is way too fucking cheesy.

She rolls her eyes. "I was thinking more like doing it over Pesterchum. It could give you both some room to make sure you're saying what you mean, as well as offering some distance should things not go well. Though, I honestly don't think you need to worry overmuch about that."

"Hmm... Is that Rose my sister talking, or Rose the Seer?"

"It's Rose, the one who sees you both."

You snort. "Yeah, okay. I guess I can try that. But you better have figured out how to alchemize ice cream, because I plan on going full rejected sitcom girl if this shit goes south."

"Aren't you lactose intolerant?"

"The explosive diarrhea will be a reflection of my soul."

Rose makes a face. "Does the return of disturbing turns of phrase signal an upswing in your mood?"

"Maybe. Why?"

"I was actually wondering if I could ask you something."

"Do I reserve the right to respond with 'fuck off'?"

"Absolutely."

"Then shoot."

"What did happen earlier?"

You groan and bury your face. "Look, I really don't want to get into the details of it. Some shit happened, I made a fucking embarrassment of myself, and Karkat was surprisingly cool about it, that's all."

"Karkat was 'surprisingly cool' about it in a way that made you believe he's pale for you?"

"Maybe."

She opens her mouth, and then seems to think better of it and closes it. Then she says, "Okay, I won't pry for details lest you think me a glutton, but if it so happens that you have not yet made him aware of why you were amenable to his actions, I think you should consider discussing that incident with him. If, of course, that is at all applicable to the situation."

You sigh. "Yeah... Probably."

"I'm going to get going. You should try to eat something."

You eye the covered plate of food. "It's probably cold by now."

"You can heat it up in the microwave in the kitchen, if you'd like," she says, getting up. "I highly doubt it's going to be very busy right now."

You grunt in acknowledgement. Then, "Hey, Rose?"

"Hm?"

"You promise, right?"

"It's already gone, dear brother."

"...Thanks."

Chapter Text

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: karkat?
CG: WHAT?
TG: crap
TG: i was kinda hoping youd be asleep
TG: fuck it
TG: can we talk?
TG: or i guess really
TG: can i talk at you for a bit?

The response takes a minute.

CG: FINE.

Wow. What a ringing endorsement.

TG: okay
TG: so like
TG: the thing
TG: the thing that happened with the trapdoor and all that?
TG: you remember that, right?
CG: YES, I DIMLY RECALL THE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO.
TG: cool
TG: i mean
TG: i guess youre probably wondering why i got all
TG: yknow
TG: like that

You wait to see if he responds to that. He does, eventually.

CG: I DON'T REALLY NEED TO KNOW THE FUCKING DETAILS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM. YOU'RE CLAUSTROPHOBIC, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
TG: okay yeah thats like
TG: part of it i guess?
TG: the other part is a lil more embarrassing
TG: well
TG: kind of a lot more embarrassing
TG: for me anyway
TG: but you actually helped
TG: like yeah i was kinda freaking out that you were there watching me lose my shit for no goddamn reason
TG: not really kinda
TG: it was pretty much a maximum freakout
TG: but i think i kinda needed that?
TG: and maybe i kinda needed it to be you there too
TG: so
TG: yknow
TG: thanks
CG: WHY ARE YOU THANKING ME?
TG: for like calming me down and shit
TG: and i guess just not being an ass about it
TG: i just feel like it couldntve been easy for you
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE ON THE VERGE OF A MURDEROUS FUCKING RAMPAGE. YOU WERE JUST UPSET. THAT'S NOT THAT HARD TO DEAL WITH.
TG: okay yeah thats fair
TG: but i guess really what i mean is like
TG: that shits like pale level right? its moirail stuff
TG: i just wanna say i appreciate that you did it even tho you didnt have to
TG: and probably didn't even want to
TG: im not saying that in a self-deprecating way jsyk
TG: i just mean i get that its probably super fucking uncomfortable to do romance-y things with somebody youre not actually romancing
TG: even if its not a particularly romantic thing for the other person
TG: because
TG: yknow
TG: human alien thing
CG: SORRY, I'M STILL TRYING TO GET MY THINK PAN AROUND THE FACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND AT LEAST ONE QUADRANT.
TG: yknow what? im gonna do the unprecedented thing and just plow right on over that
TG: congrats you are now mulch
TG: i got bigger fish to fry here
TG: or fields to plow i guess
TG: fuck this isnt easy for me
TG: im not actually oblivious
TG: i mean maybe sometimes yeah but not always
TG: i dont exactly know how to even say this shit
TG: fuck it
TG: this plow is going rogue
TG: i care about you a lot and youre pretty much my best friend but if you got a pale crush on me thats not something i can deal with

You wait, heart pounding, hands shaking, for Karkat's response.

CG: IS THIS ABOUT YOUR HUMAN "GAY" THING?

The anxiety spike nearly makes you sick.

TG: no
TG: not exactly anyway
TG: or i guess kinda yeah but not in the way ive been saying its a problem
TG: its really kinda more about that whole human alien thing
TG: and by that i mean the fact that im a human and youre an alien
TG: fuck that sounds racist
TG: xenophobic
TG: whatever
TG: thats not what i mean
TG: fuuuuuuck
TG: okay straight-up full-frontal truth time
TG: i cant be moirails with you because im like
TG: flushed for you?
TG: i guess is how youd say it
TG: jegus fuck this is embarrassing
TG: look im sorry i know this is weird
TG: especially cause of how ive been kind of a shit about the whole quadrant thing
TG: but i guess the human way of saying it is im in love with you
TG: or at least i think i might be
TG: and i know for you the whole pale thing is romantic
TG: but its not what i want
TG: or really its not all that i want
TG: and its fucked up to expect you to like
TG: i dunno
TG: just drop your whole troll way of doing shit to do it the human way instead
TG: cause its not like i can just drop my human way of doing shit and do it the troll way either
TG: so like yeah
TG: if we were moirails id just be thinking about like flushed stuff i guess
TG: which is hella uncool
TG: but like
TG: even on the flip side of that
TG: i couldnt just be flushed with you either yknow?
TG: id wanna be able to do all the pale shit too
TG: and kinda one of the things that made me pretty sure im feeling some kinda non-platonic way for you was like thinking about you having other partners
TG: filling your other quadrants i mean
TG: i just cant deal with that
TG: i dont function that way
TG: and again its that whole thing about you being you and me being me and not forcing either of us to change everything about how we are just to make this work
TG: but also like
TG: i really do care about you
TG: i dont wanna stop being friends
TG: i mean id totally get it if like you werent cool with hanging out anymore
TG: im not trying to pressure you into anything
TG: i just
TG: i really dont want shit to blow up in our faces if we can help it
TG: but if shits gotta end between us id really rather it be like this
TG: with everything out in the open
TG: okay i think thats all ive got

You take your hands off the keyboard and run your fingers roughly through your hair. Ball's in Karkat's court now.

The typing notification comes and goes several times before Karkat actually sends a reply.

CG: I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, EITHER.

The relief is nearly palpable.

CG: YOU'RE NOT WRONG. ABOUT MOST OF IT ANYWAY.
CG: I THINK PART OF THE REASON I GET SO WORKED UP ABOUT MOVIES AND THE QUADRANTS IS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T COME EASILY TO ME.
CG: I FUCKING HATE ADMITTING THAT, BUT THERE IT IS.
CG: I'M NOT GOOD AT QUADRANTS. IF I'M NOT PLAYING JUMPROPE WITH QUADRANT BOUNDARIES, I'M SMEARING THEM INSTEAD.
CG: HONESTLY, I'M PROBABLY THE REASON YOU HUMANS ARE THE WAY YOU ARE WITH THAT SHIT.
CG: I ACTUALLY
CG: FUCK. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FUCKING SAYING THIS.
CG: I DID MAYBE AT ONE POINT CONSIDER ASKING YOU TO BE MOIRAILS WITH ME.
CG: BECAUSE MAYBE I THOUGHT THAT I COULD GET AROUND YOUR STUPID FUCKING "GAY" ISSUE IF IT WASN'T CONCUPISCENT.
CG: BUT THAT'S FUCKED UP. I KNOW IT'S FUCKED UP. THAT'S WHY I NEVER DID IT.
CG: I KEPT TELLING MYSELF TO WATCH MY FUCKING BOUNDARIES AND NOT...
CG: NOT STEP CLOSER TO YOU THAN YOU WERE WILLING TO STEP TO ME, I GUESS.
CG: BUT THEN WE FELL INTO THAT STUPID TRAP AND YOU WERE JUST...
CG: I COULDN'T *NOT* TAKE CARE OF YOU.
CG: HONESTLY, I WAS FUCKING WRECKED SEEING YOU LIKE THAT. I KNEW I WAS OVERSTEPPING, BUT I COULDN'T FUCKING HELP IT. BEST I COULD HOPE FOR WAS THAT YOU'D JUST FORGET ABOUT IT AND WE'D NEVER TALK ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN.
CG: WHICH I GUESS IS JUST A REALLY FUCKING CIRCULAR WAY OF SAYING YEAH, I HAVE A PALE CRUSH ON YOU.
CG: BUT I'VE ALSO GOT A FLUSH CRUSH, TOO. AND MAYBE AT ONE POINT THERE WAS A BIT OF A HATE CRUSH, BUT I THINK THAT WAS JUST MOSTLY BECAUSE I DIDN'T FUCKING GET YOU AT FIRST.
CG: BUT I'M REAL FUCKING SCARED BECAUSE WHAT IF EVEN THIS FREAK SHOW RED-PALE SLURRY ISN'T THE SAME AS WHAT YOUR HUMAN LOVE IS LIKE?
CG: WHAT IF I'M TOO FUCKED UP TO EVEN HAVE THIS?
TG: okay dude slow down
TG: youre legit pulling my heart in so many directions its got no fucking clue which ways up anymore
TG: gimme a sec to sort this shit out
TG: first off
TG: totally get where youre coming from on the whole fake it til you make it bullshit
TG: definitely not holding that one against you cause then id just be the black pot in a glass house throwing stones at a kettle
TG: fuck i dont even know if that makes any sense to you
TG: id be a huge fucking hypocrite is what im saying
CG: I GATHERED THAT MUCH, ACTUALLY.
TG: sweet score one for context clues
TG: you got those comprehensive reading skills on lock
TG: secondly
TG: i think maybe we can try this?
TG: like ive been saying tho
TG: i dont want you to deny yourself the things you want just because of me
TG: things being like
TG: relationship stuff
TG: or people i guess
TG: not that people are things
TG: fuck it you know what i mean
TG: and maybe youre right and were just not on the same wavelength after all
TG: but i think theres enough common ground between us that we can at least take a few steps yknow?
TG: that common ground being that were both happy being
TG: like
TG: exclusive i guess
TG: i mean its called being monogamous for us humans but im kinda doubting yall can even wrap your heads around that one
TG: no shade btw just a little human vocab for you i guess
TG: a little cultural exchange
TG: i could make an innuendo here but im actually tryna go somewhere with this
TG: or maybe i was already there
TG: fuck it
TG: do you wanna like try being boyfriends i guess?
CG: THAT DEPENDS.
CG: IS THIS THE HEIGHT OF YOUR ROMANTIC CAPABILITIES?

You giggle and immediately slap a hand over your mouth because what the actual hell was that noise you just made.

TG: oh fuck no man
TG: ive got romantic depths you cant even fucking fathom
TG: i can woo you so hard you wont even be able to watch any romcoms without thinking
TG: who do these pathetic losers think they are?
TG: with their weaksauce romance game
TG: poor schlubs got no fucking IDEA what theyre missing
TG: then again
TG: i wouldnt wanna ruin the magic of you fave genre for you
TG: so ill just keep it breezy
TG: that soft touch romance
TG: i also dont wanna make you feel like your romance games inferior either
TG: cant be having the romance king himself shown up by a mere peasant such as my fine self
TG: dont get me wrong ill totally give you all kinds of pointers on this shit
TG: and ill totally let you act like youre just elevating my own romance game
TG: helping me rise through the ranks of the romance echeladder
TG: so you can legitimize our eventual marriage as the co-kings of romance
CG: IS THIS YOU PROPOSING TO ME NOW?
TG: fuck
TG: no
TG: no fucking way dog
TG: if im gonna propose to you its gonna be fucking epic
TG: biggest fucking production ever
TG: and romantic as FUCK
TG: so romantic that the romance languages are gonna have to retire cause theyre just like
TG: fuck that proposal was so romantic theres no fucking romance left for anyone else
TG: youll fucking know if im proposing to you
CG: I SUPPOSE THAT'S SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, THEN.

You're pretty sure your heart just did a goddamn Cirque du Soleil performance, no handle required.

TG: so like
TG: is that a yes?
TG: to being boyfriends i mean
TG: or whatever you wanna call it
TG: i dont wanna be all humancentric over here
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE TROLLS REALLY HAVE A WORD FOR IT, SO FUCK IT, LET'S JUST CALL IT BOYFRIENDS.
TG: i mean we could make up a word
TG: thats how language evolves yknow?
TG: when folks need a word for something they just make something up and theyre like
TG: thats it thats the new word for this thing we didnt have a word for before
CG: DAVE.
TG: sup?
CG: YOU'RE IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK, RIGHT?
TG: duh
TG: like fuck id have this convo where any of those flighty broads could snoop
TG: (no offense but fyi im totally including gamzee in that)
CG: BUT NOT THE MAYOR, RIGHT?
TG: oh fuck no never the mayor
TG: id tell that dude anything he wanted to know
TG: which thankfully isnt much
TG: which is why hes so fuckin dope
CG: GLAD WE CAN AGREE ON THAT, AT LEAST.
CG: ANYWAY, CAN I COME OVER?
CG: JUST TO WATCH A MOVIE, I MEAN.
CG: THERE'S THIS ONE I'VE KIND OF BEEN WANTING TO SHOW YOU, BUT IT'S LIKE ONE OF ONLY THREE MOVIES I HAVE THAT ISN'T A ROMCOM.
CG: AND SOLLUX CALLED IT A WIGGLER FILM ONCE.
CG: BUT I LIKE IT. EVEN THOUGH IT'S SILLY AND COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC.
TG: shit yeah come on over
TG: whats the first bit of the title?
CG: "IN WHICH TWO IMMATURE LUSII OF DIFFERING SPECIES FORM AN UNLIKELY BOND OVER THE COURSE OF A FANCIFUL ADVENTURE."
TG: that sounds cute af ngl
TG: im totes making cocoa for this
TG: bring blankets were gonna have the snuggliest fucking time watching this feel-good kiddie movie