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Time is really quite a thief
He found me in the night and stole my baby teeth
Knowing the fact that he lost 70 years in the Lotus Casino sometimes didn’t feel real to Nico. Sometimes it would hit him randomly (when he wrote the wrong year down on paper). Nico had an interesting relationship with time. He wished he had less of it (in tartarus), he wished he had more of it (for his childhood).
Roadkill on the street still breathing
Might be in my head, he's probably been dead
For a long time now
Nico wasn’t exactly sure when he started sensing the dead (maybe it was when his sister joined them). They were nice company, sometimes. He found it fascinating that people thought that their ancestors were wiser (humans were foolish dead or alive). Sometimes the ghosts felt so alive that Nico wasn’t sure who was really breathing.
Don't ask me how I am
It's a can of worms
Nico hated it when people tried to get him to open up about his ‘traumatic experience’. The past was in the past (so was his family). There was no point in pretending to care about Nico, he wanted to be alone (he wanted peace). Everyone he loved was gone (they left him). End of story. Talking about it wouldn’t change that (nothing ever would).
I don't know the right words
And it only hurts to talk about
So I don't, so I don't, so I don't
Even if Nico wanted to open up about it, what was there to say? (that he missed his sister so much he tried resurrecting her ghost). (that he didn’t care whether he lived or not anymore). (that he preferred the dead to the living). It would only make things so much worse. People already thought he was crazy (he didn’t need to prove them right). So he avoided camp half-blood, it was better in the underworld anyways.
And it works 'til it doesn't work
Sometimes it hurt more than he thought it would. Nico was used to the apathetic numbness of not caring that his grief felt like suffocation. Bottling up his emotions was better for everyone (it wasn’t). And it worked (except for when he had a panic attack after looking at a pomegranate). But it didn’t really (it never did).
Just avoiding the hurt
Forever and ever and ever, ever
Thinking about Percy hurt (Nico hurt quite a lot). He distracted himself, quests, fights, whatever could get Nico to not think about him. It was fine, maybe his reckless decisions bordered suicide attempts (maybe he was secretly hoping it would work) but he was getting things done.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Then he met Will. Will was everything that Nico wasn’t (outgoing, joyful, fun, bright, happy).
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Will was different (he was better). He was patient, kind, and loyal but still firm.
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Will was a good listener and could light up a room with his smile.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
The first time they met, he scolded Nico for not taking care of himself (Nico secretly loved it).
I'm a can of worms
I don't know the right words
Nico still didn’t know how to properly take care of himself. But he was getting better at it (probably because he had some help). Things still felt way too important and not important at all, but that was okay (someone else could deal with those things). Will was the sunshine to Nico’s never ending darkness.
And it only hurts to talk about
So I don't, so I don't, so I don't
Will still lectured him about proper self-care (no shadow-traveling for a month was torture). Nico hated it (except for when he got 8 hours of sleep).
And it works 'til it doesn't work
“Do you know everything I’ve been through? What I’ve had to do just to survive?”
“No! Because you won’t tell me!”
Just avoiding the hurt
Forever and ever and ever
Nico remained silent, stewing in his shame and irritation.
And ever and ever and ever, ever
“I’m sorry, Nico. I didn’t –” But Nico waved off his apology. He didn’t want to risk talking about it while he was still so upset.
Would I know I'm going mad if I were
Going mad?
Would I know as I go?
Would I know once I am?