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Well its your birthday Phil. 30th, thats a big one. In the eyes of most, 30 is getting old. I know you were telling me about how it’s funny how it works, about how all it takes is one year for you to get to the point where its seems like your mandatory to stop traveling and have a steady job and get married and have your life sorted. One second your in your 20s and life’s all youth and getting drunk and exploring who you are and the next you have to have it sorted. But I say fuck it all and fuck societies ideas of how you have to live because even if they don't love you, I will, I always will.…But anyway, I digress.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that your 30, and I feel like that requires a more sufficient gift than something you buy at the store. Not that thats going to stop me giving you that Pokemon snow globe that we saw in that weird little Japanese store we went to a couple months ago and you said was endearingly pointless but you secretly loved anyway and I bought it when you weren't looking. But still, I feel like you need something a little more…personal, sentimental, I guess. And I really couldn't think of anything until about 5 minutes ago.
I was lying here, awake at 3 in the morning, listening to you snore next to me (creepy, I know) and thinking about why I love you. But I really can’t put it into words. Its like trying to describe that special scent that’s different to every house or a colour or the taste of water. You just can’t. How much and why I love you isn't something I can just put into a few sentences, or even a few novels, or even a whole library. I was lying there, enveloped in the waves of emotions I feel for you, not drowning in them like I do whenever I have one of my existential crisis, just kind of floating in all of them, gently riding the waves of infatuation and passion and acceptance and…love, I guess. I cant describe it, I honestly can’t.
I know this is extremely cheesy and heartfelt and sappy and all things I pretend to hate, but if I’m I'm being honest, I love the sappy, cheesy, heartfelt shit as much as the next person. I love those moments that feel so perfect that they could have been scripted, in a poem, in one of those unrealistic romantic movies. I love feeling everything just click into place, like what I say fits perfectly together with what you say like puzzle pieces. I love getting that warm, fuzzy, fluffy feeling I get inside that makes me want to smile until my cheeks ache and do that thing where you scream without opening your mouth or just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and wallow in contentness (if thats a word).
But anyway, I was thinking about how I could at least attempt to express to you how I feel, no matter how pathetically. And then I thought of this. And I can’t believe I’m writing this with actual pen and paper (how medieval), and I know theres about a million more, but here is 15 little and big things (in no chronological order) that make me love you.