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The plan itself was simple enough: pretend to be tourists to gain entry to the Forcella. Fine. Blow up the bus; the only people more excited about that than Wolfgang were Kala and Capheus. Murder a bunch of Italian gangsters; murdering gangsters happened to be his specialty. Locate Whispers, and depending on whether Wolfgang got to him first, re-kidnap him or violently execute him on the spot; everyone was on board.
This was not that.
"Nein." He shoved the shopping bags away. While the rest of them were finalizing their plan, Amanita and Dani had dragged Rajan around for hours hitting the souvenir shops—and apparently the pinkest circle of clothing hell—to turn them into tourists. Wolfgang expected this sort of theatricality from Amanita and Dani, but somehow Rajan came out suspiciously unscathed. His tourist costume consisted of a Napoli hat and a slightly emptier wallet. Wolfgang was not amused. "I thought we were friends, man."
"You are banging his wife," Felix reminded him in German. Kala blushed and the rest of the cluster nodded in agreement that it was clearly a justification for the abundance of pastels.
Rajan raised his hands to proclaim innocence. "I had no say in the matter. I didn't even get to pick out my hat."
"Your hat is perfect," Amanita said defensively. "And pink is your color. Sorry, sweetie."
"They’re expecting us. You in particular." Nomi, who wouldn't even be present for the action but along with Will liked to micromanage everybody, dropped the shopping bags back in front of him and Felix. "They won’t be looking for a German tourist with his husband, they’re looking for a perfect jawline clad in black, carrying a bazooka."
"You do have a perfect jawline," Kala said in his head, thoroughly amused by this. Wolfgang’s plan of just blowing a hole in the Forcella with his rocket launcher and killing everybody inside had been voted down by everyone but him and Felix, and an uncertain Rajan who started raising his hand until his wife shot him a look. Lito would've been on their side too if his boyfriend hadn't been the one to suggest tourism as a strategy.
Dani helped herself to Kala and Rajan’s suitcases to provide their wardrobes. Rajan helplessly shrugged and gave Kala a pair of cheap plastic sunglasses he probably wasn't allowed to pick out either. "You’ll be color coordinated!" Dani squealed, plucking out more pink for the both of them.
“Thank you!” Mun said enthusiastically. He’d certainly noticed the color coordination between him and Sun, and was more than happy to wear anything required to be her tourist husband. Sun didn’t mind their matching outfits, especially compared to her previous costume opportunity at the Bak Gala, but she was doing her best not to show it.
"How does this make us look like a couple? We already look like a couple!" Felix held up a particularly offensive headband. "What self respecting gay man would wear this?" He was handling the whole sensate thing really well considering he was the last one to find out—and considering they were in the company of three cops—but messing with his hair was over the line.
Wolfgang reassuringly put his arm around him. The two of them were together again which made even crimes against fashion easier.
With a knowing look at her fiancée, Amanita scrolled her phone and held it up showing a pic of two blatantly German male tourists holding hands in a way that displayed their wedding rings. Wearing nearly the exact same outfits.
"They're obviously from Munich," Felix muttered and continued pawing through their bags with bewildered revulsion.
"Wait, you two aren’t a couple?" Diego asked.
"They’re not gay, they’re European," Will said.
"I think it’s adorable that you’re affectionate with each other," Amanita said.
"Sooo cute!" Dani added.
"It is," Kala confirmed privately. Rajan nodded even without his wife's opinion on the matter.
Felix winked at him, then sympathetically handed over a purse. Wolfgang groaned. As if he hadn't been tortured enough. At least it wasn't pink.
"They know what Will looks like too," he said. "Why doesn’t he have to wear this shit?"
"Because Will looks like a cop," Amanita said. "If we dress him up, he’ll look like an undercover cop which is arguably worse. The best we can do is have Riley stand by him looking cool."
"Thanks?" Will said. "I think." Riley just smiled demurely and said nothing. She knew Amanita was right.
Dani offered Hernando a garish jacket which he didn't take, and a copy of The Aeneid which he did. "You know, you don't actually have to give a tour."
Hernando blinked in disbelief. "Of course I’m giving the tour. Why wouldn’t I give the tour? I’m playing a tour guide."
"Oh my god I love him," Nomi said in their heads, nodding appreciatively as Amanita presented her with snacks. "Thanks, honey."
"We're getting shot at and they're getting pretzels?" Diego grumbled.
Nomi let him take a handful. "We're not really gun people."
Bug vehemently shook his head, gripping a stuffed animal.
"More for us." Felix put a gun in the purse. And several more in the pink backpack. Wolfgang handed one to Diego, who wisely didn't ask where they came from, and one to Capheus who was more interested in discussing the ins and outs of intentional bus explosions with Kala.
Wolfgang wasn't thrilled about Kala coming on the bus at all, much less helping to search for Whispers. But he knew better than to even bring it up. That woman was adorably confident she'd be the one to kill Lila and would not be convinced otherwise. And thanks to him, Whispers already knew who she was.
Fortunately, he had his brother and he had his cluster, and Fuchs had supplied enough guns to grant them revenge. Not to mention a grenade Felix stashed in the glove compartment and his rocket launcher in the trunk that was getting used today no matter what else went down.
Taking his role of tourist as seriously as Wolfgang was taking his upcoming murder spree, Lito stood in front of the largest mirror in the room with his costume. The rest of their cluster had spent weeks more or less ignoring his constant rehearsing and paid him little mind. But Felix hadn't been present in Paris and he glanced between him and Hernando before making the connection and thankfully having the sense to say it in German, "Oh those are the two guys fucking in those pics you have saved on your phone!"
Everyone in the cluster gaped at them. Felix winced. "Scheisse, I forgot they speak German too! Sorry, Wolfie. I'm still getting used to this psychic mutant stuff."
Wolfgang shrugged over Lito and Kala's matching scowl. "What? It's art. Hernando said so."
Quick to cover his big mouth by yapping about something else, Felix said, "I like your movies, man."
"Really?" Lito asked, perpetually toeing that thin line between insecurity and inflated ego. Kala rolled her eyes.
"You look way thinner in person." If there was anyone who could out-bullshit Lito Rodriguez, it was Felix Berner.
"The camera does add weight," Lito relented with a subdued grin. "Unfortunately so do croissants."
"You could do with a few more croissants if I'm being honest, mi amigo."
Wolfgang chuckled and shook his head. Felix was not being honest but that line alone more than made up for mentioning him keeping those nudes for sentimental purposes.
"Alright guys. Back on track," Will said to rein them in. "We should go over the plan again."
But it was Hernando who got everyone's attention, standing in the corner of the room with his book, practicing his lecture. Even Felix, who spent less time in school than Wolfgang, was suddenly utterly engrossed.
Looking up, Hernando paused self-consciously at fifteen pairs of eyes on him. Lito beamed with more pride than he had over being called thin. Clearing his throat and pushing his glasses up his nose, he continued, "As I was saying, you all know that Virgil wrote 'Amor Vincit Omnia!' Love conquers all things."
"Fuck yeah it does!" Felix exclaimed, ready and willing to kill for a room full of people he barely knew. And so was everyone else. "Let's conquer this shit!"