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"Okay, so, she needs to be in bed at 7:15 pm, sharp, clear? Not 7:16 pm. Not 7:14 pm. 7:15 pm. I don't want my baby's sleep schedule to get all messed up because of you two dipshits. There are some diapers in her bag and her bottle, too. Oh, and her plush bunny, she likes her bunny."
"Steve..."
"And don't exaggerate on her dinner, alright? It's 2 ounces of cooked ground meat, 1/2 a cup of vegetables - she likes broccoli, by the way - 1/2 a cup of mashed potatoes, and some milk."
"Steve..."
"If anything happens, you call us, alright? Or Joyce."
"Steve..."
"And I swear, if anything happens to my baby, your asses are grass, you dipshits—"
"Steve!" Will repeats Steve's name for the thousandth time this evening, trying to get his brother-in-law just to shut up and calm down before Steve has a stroke right in front of him. "Don't worry, okay? We'll take good care of her. You and Jonathan go have some fun."
Steve narrows his eyes, not buying Will's reassurance. He feels like he needs to threaten them just a little more so they can fully understand the responsibility they are about to bear. But before he can utter another word, his husband wraps an arm around his waist and brings him closer.
"Let it go, Steve. They can handle it. And quit being a worrywart. I don't want you to get an aneurysm before we leave the house." Jonathan smirks teasingly at Steve, gently pinching Steve's side.
Steve scoffs under his breath but knows better than to argue against Jonathan. Rule number one of marriage with a Byers: you don't argue with your Byers husband. He's always right.
"Fine, I'll shut up... But if any—"
"Steve," Honestly, if Will had a nickel for every time he said Steve's name in the past hour. "Don't worry. We can handle her, right, Mike—"
"OW!" Mike yelps as the baby in his arms pulls hard at his hair. He tries, in vain, to get the baby to let go of his hair, but it's in vain. Elizabeth seems to have a profound liking for his locks. "O-ow! Quit it, kid. Let go!"
Will chuckles at seeing his boyfriend getting bullied by his 1-year-old niece. Jonathan fights to contain a small smile, but the corner of his lips twitches upwards while Steve smirks and steps forward. He leans down to Elizabeth's eye level and gently pats her head.
"Yeah, we know, princess, the Wheelers kinda suck—"
"Hey—!"
"—But be good to your Uncle Will and Uncle Mike while we're away, okay?"
Steve kisses his daughter's forehead, and Jonathan follows suit, adding a gentle pinch on her chubby cheek.
"Have fun with your Uncles, baby. Don't give them a hard time."
Elizabeth giggles at receiving attention and affection from her dads, momentarily forgetting how fun it was to pull at Mike's hair. She watches as Steve and Jonathan leave through the front door before turning back to look at Mike.
"Nu-uh. Don't you dare, Lilibet..."
"Hey!" Will sends his boyfriend a fake glare of irritation while resting his hands on his hips. "That's my nickname for her, Mike."
Mike rolls his eyes while jerking his head back a little to keep his hair away from Elizabeth's grabby hands. He offers her his finger instead, which the baby happily accepts and begins playing with. "Right, sorry, I forgot no one's allowed to call her that but you." He glances down at the baby in his arms, who's thoroughly distracted by his finger, before turning back to Will. "So... What do we do know? I have, like, zero experience with babies."
"Seriously?" Will asks with a raised eyebrow while tilting his head slightly to the right. "You have zero experience with babies? You, the guy who has a baby sister?"
"Hey, my experience with Holly resumes with playing peek-a-boo and tea parties."
Will rolls his eyes and chuckles, imagining little Mike with a pink bow in his hair playing with Holly, raising his pinky while pretending to drink tea. He walks to the couch, Mike in tow, and sits down. He grabs the remote and turns on the TV, flipping through the channels until finding something family-friendly to watch while babysitting Elizabeth.
"Well, we just need to keep an eye on Lilibet, feed her, and put her to sleep."
Mike hums in response as he sets Elizabeth down in his lap and bounces his leg to entertain the baby, whose attention lies on the colorful cartoon on the TV. Mike glances at Will, who's also paying attention to the TV, and speaks softly, not wanting to bother either Will or Elizabeth.
"Hey, Will? Do you remember our first date?"
Will averts his gaze from the TV and sets his eyes on Mike, briefly affectionately rolling them while smiling at the memory.
"If you call lying down on Hopper's air mattress and watching movies together all night in my living room, yes, I do. Why?"
"Nothing, I just... Remembered it."
Will hums in response, not buying Mike's excuse. He happens to know his boyfriend all too well and knows exactly what Mike's thinking.
"You know... Steve still has that air mattress he bought when he took Dustin camping."
Mike and Will share a knowing look, mentally communicating their plan and nodding in sync.
"I can't believe you made me split the bill with you, Steven," Jonathan comments as he steps out of the car, closing the door behind him and shoving his hands inside his jacket pockets.
"That's how married life is, Jon. There's no 'I pay the bill' no more."
Jonathan huffs indignantly and shakes his head while waiting for Steve to lock the car so they can walk together to the front door.
"Yeah, but I paid the bill last time. You should have paid it this time—" Jonathan cuts himself off as realization dawns on him, and he narrows his eyes at Steve. Damn bastard, "You did it on purpose, didn't you? So we can go out again."
"Guilty as charged, babe," Steve winks at his husband and gives Jonathan's butt a gentle slap, "I owe you dinner. Next week, Friday, at Enzo's. Don't be late, handsome."
Jonathan shakes his head. He should have known better than to doubt Steve's geniuses.
"Fine. Next Friday, at Enzo's. Don't forget your wallet, handomse." He kisses Steve before fishing the house keys from his pocket and unlocking the front door. "I hope Lizzie didn't give them a hard time."
He turns the keys on the lock and slowly opens the door, not wanting to risk startling anyone inside. The lights are off, save for the TV, with a kid's cartoon playing in a low volume. Steve and Jonathan's eyes immediately go towards the floor, where Mike, Will, and Elizabeth are sleeping on a blue air mattress. Will is sleeping on the right side, Mike on the left, facing each other, and Elizabeth in the middle, with Will's arm around her as the baby hugs one of Mike's hands. The trio is tucked under a yellow blanket, keeping them warm from the cold night of Hawkins.
Jonathan's heart instantly melts at the sight before him. His mind instantly revisited his memories of when Will and Mike were just little kids having countless sleepovers - some of which Jonathan participated in when he was 11 years old or so.
"Aw, they look so cute. I need to go grab my camera!"
Steve, meanwhile, keeps his eyes locked on the sleeping trio, his hands on his hips and a frown on his face.
"Damn... I've been looking for this mattress for ages."
"Really? You're thinking about the mattress, Steve?" Jonathan raises an eyebrow at Steve's words before aiming his camera at the trio and snapping a couple of photos (a hundred or so, just a few).
"Hey, it's an expensive mattress, Jon. And how many photos are you planning on taking?"
"Just a few," Jonathan comments as he presses the button repeatedly.
Steve rolls his eyes fondly, knowing there's no natural or supernatural force in this realm or the next that will stop his husband from taking countless photos of their daughter. No doubt they'll need to buy a third photo album for Elizabeth before she turns two.