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The first time Shiki and Mei’s eyes met was in their first year of middle school. Despite sitting next to her in class, Shiki did not pay much attention to Mei during the first few days of school, for Mei mostly kept to herself or occasionally chatted with some of the other girls that came by to her desk. Shiki did notice that perpetual frown she had on her face and the way she seemed to glare at almost anyone that spoke to her - somewhat unfriendly and abrasive.
However, Shiki soon realised that Mei’s appearance was nothing like how she actually was, after that one fateful afternoon when they spoke to each other for the first time. They quickly formed a strong friendship and an unspoken yet deep connection - two socially awkward misfits who could not seem to belong anywhere else.
As their friendship developed, Shiki grew to notice how Mei’s gaze softened around her whenever she spoke.
“...and that’s why birdwings are my favourite type of butterflies.” Shiki concluded after a long exposition about butterflies while walking home together with Mei.
“Oh, sorry Mei… I’ve been rambling on and on again…” Shiki suddenly realised that Mei had been quiet almost the entire time, and it had mostly been a one-way conversation.
“Don’t worry about it! I enjoy hearing you talk about the things you love, Shiki - be it about butterflies, beetles or the gadgets you have been building at home.” Mei said those words with a soft smile, and her gaze met Shiki’s - warm, friendly and genuine. Nothing like the intense glare she usually wore on her face, which turned out to be due to her poor eyesight.
I’m glad to have found a friend like Mei, Shiki mused.
Not long after, Mei started to open up to Shiki about the things she loved too - in particular, her burgeoning interest in school idols. She felt a little embarrassed at first, for her cool and stoic demeanour was in stark contrast with her obsession with cute girls in cute costumes singing cute songs. However, she eventually got comfortable being her authentic self with Shiki, and often shared about her love for school idols with her as well.
“Lemon Soda just released a live performance of their new song on their socials!” Mei excitedly showed Shiki a video clip from her phone one afternoon after school.
“They’re really good, the dance choreography is really eye-catching.” Shiki commented as she watched the video.
“I know right?! They’re all so cute too!” As Mei gushed about her favourite school idol group, her eyes sparkled with excitement. Beneath that prickly exterior, Mei was just a middle school student who enjoyed all things cute and girly.
I think you’re equally as cute, Mei.
With her straightforward manner of speech and brusque tone, coupled with her constant frown, it was natural that schoolmates that were unfamiliar with Mei often felt intimidated by her. Shiki did not realise how imposing Mei could be, however, until a conversation with one of her juniors in the science club one day.
“Shiki-senpai, thank you for passing on the message to Mei-senpai. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“No problem, but you could have just spoken to her yourself?”
“Well, it’s just… I must admit, most of us juniors find her kind of scary. From the way she speaks, it feels like we could get scolded for pissing her off…”
“Is that so? I think she’s really nice.”
“That’s because she behaves differently around you, senpai! That’s why I thought of asking you for help.”
Indeed, Shiki did start to notice how Mei was a completely different person around her. When she felt comfortable stripping off that abrasive facade, her tone was soothing and gentle when she spoke to Shiki. Whenever Mei called her name, her voice was soft and almost close to a whisper.
“You don’t usually speak like this to others, Mei.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Among everyone else, you come across as strong and intimidating, and difficult to get close to. But just between the both of us, your voice is soft and gentle. When you’re talking to me, I always feel a sense of calm.”
“Is that…weird?” Mei’s voice carried a tinge of coyness. “You know, behaving differently around you.”
“Not at all, in fact I kinda like it - this special friendship we have.”
Shiki was one to get easily overwhelmed, especially among crowds or having attention drawn towards herself. So when she became a school idol with Mei during their first year of high school, getting used to performing in front of a massive audience was a huge hurdle for her.
The moments leading up to Shiki’s first performance with Liella! at the school festival were particularly challenging. While they were backstage waiting to perform, Shiki felt incredibly lightheaded as her entire world began to spin. To ease her anxiety just a little, Shiki found a corner in the room by herself, where she sat with her head between her knees as she tried her best to regulate her breathing.
“Shiki? Are you feeling okay?”
At that moment, a familiar voice called out to her - Mei had found her hiding spot and had come to sit next to her.
“Mei…” Between her ragged breaths and blank thoughts, this was all Shiki could manage to respond.
Without hesitation, Mei held both of Shiki’s hands and gently squeezed them. She spoke nothing as she continued to hold onto her hands, gently rubbing her thumbs along the back of Shiki’s hands. And almost like magic, Shiki started to feel her heart rate gradually slow down, and the room no longer started to spin. The warmth from Mei’s own hands and her familiar touch had an oddly calming effect on her.
“Don’t be afraid, we'll all be on stage together - you, me, and the rest of Liella!. Have faith in your singing and dancing, it will be a great performance!”
Shiki squeezed Mei’s hands in response. “Thank you, Mei. I feel a lot better now. I just need a few more moments to calm myself down. In the meantime, could you not let go of my hand?”
“Of course!”
Physical affection with Mei seemed to progress naturally between the both of them. It could be Mei holding Shiki’s hand to calm her down, or the occasional hug when emotions ran high, or just being close to each other.
“Ahh~ I’m so tired!” Mei slumped into Shiki’s lap while they were seated on a bench in school after lunch. “I’ll take a quick nap before we change and head upstairs for dance practice.”
Shiki chuckled and gently caressed Mei’s head. “Up late last night watching school idol videos again?”
“Not this time, though I was up helping Ren-senpai with the arrangement for our new song.”
Mei yawned and lazily adjusted her position on Shiki’s lap.
Shiki noticed that Mei was seldom this chummy with other friends, and almost never held their hands or got up close to them. Not with Kinako, not with Natsumi, and definitely not with all the other Liella! senpais.
“Mei, am I-”
“What is it…?”
Before she could continue, Shiki realised she already knew the answer.
I want to be your special friend for the rest of our lives, Mei.
They say when you are in love with someone, you tend to notice every little detail about them. And for someone as highly observant and detailed as Shiki, even the slightest changes about Mei caught her attention.
“Mei, did you start using a new body wash?”
“H-how did you know?”
“You smell slightly different.”
Mei raised her eyebrows and took a whiff of herself. “I didn't even notice…”
“Is that weird? Noticing these small details about you?”
Mei chuckled at Shiki’s perplexed expression. “Well, coming from you, I’m not surprised at all. You’re my closest friend, aren’t you?”
To Shiki, Mei was more than just a special or close friend - the love she had for her and the connection they had with each other ran much deeper than just friendship. She did not know when she came to that realisation - it wasn’t a sudden moment of truth, but rather a gradual build up of all those feelings for the past five years.
But what exactly was her relationship with Mei? Lovers? Girlfriends? Those words were never mentioned between the both of them, but deep down Shiki wanted to know if Mei felt the same way towards her.
I wish to close that remaining distance between the both of us.
It was a cold winter’s night. They were on their winter break in their final year of high school, and Mei had invited Shiki over to her place for a sleepover after spending the day together. Over the course of their friendship, they had sleepovers at each other’s places several times, but this one was different - it would be their last one before they graduate from high school and head their separate ways to university.
“H-how about joining me together in bed? It’s rather cold tonight after all…” Mei suggested, albeit slightly bashfully.
Shiki promptly agreed, and slipped under the covers together next to Mei. Her silhouette in the dark room, her soft breathing, the warmth from her body heat, and her familiar scent - Shiki loved every aspect about Mei, and just being in her presence brought great comfort to her.
If only moments like these with Mei could last forever.
“Did you enjoy yourself today?” Just as Shiki was about to drift off to sleep, Mei spoke.
With the memories from earlier that day flooding her mind, a bittersweet feeling overcame Shiki. Slowly, she turned towards Mei to face her.
“I did, but… I can’t help but feel sad that it’s all over. When we graduate in spring…”
Shiki felt Mei’s fingers interlock between hers - something she always did whenever Shiki felt overwhelmed or upset. Gently, she caressed the back of her hand with her thumb, and turned to face her in response. “It doesn’t have to be over when we graduate, does it?”
It doesn’t…have to be over? What is Mei trying to imply?
Shiki gave Mei’s hand a tight squeeze, and Mei continued, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
“Every season and every day, I’m reminded of how special you are to me. The mild and pleasant weather of spring, your favourite beetles and butterflies in summer, the crimson leaves and coolness of autumn, and your comforting warmth amidst the cold winter.”
Shiki felt blood rush to her face as Mei said those words. For all those years, Shiki knew how special she was to Mei, but hearing those words for the first time - that she thought about her as much as she did towards Mei - she sensed that there was something different about what Mei was trying to convey this time.
“Mei… I…”
“I know you feel the same way about me as well, Shiki. That’s why I want to make my feelings clear once and for all - from now onwards, I want us to be girlfriends.”
I want us to be girlfriends.
Those words reverberated in Shiki’s mind. At that moment, those feelings Shiki kept within her heart all those years came rushing out like a wave crashing upon the shore, engulfing Shiki’s chest with an indescribable sense of warmth. After years of toeing the line between friends and lovers, she got the validation she needed. Right now, it finally felt right to Shiki - to close that remaining distance between the both of them.
And so Shiki leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Mei’s lips.
Shiki had always wondered how it felt like to kiss Mei. How would her lips feel against hers? What would Mei’s lips taste like? Would Mei pull back in shock, or lean in towards her?
At that moment, all Shiki could register was the warmth of Mei’s breath, the softness of her lips, and the faint taste of her blueberry flavoured lipgloss.
“I’ve been waiting for the day when I can finally do this with you, Mei.”
Mei let out a soft gasp - her kiss came to her as a surprise after all.
“Does that mean…?”
Shiki traced Mei’s lips carefully with her finger, giving Mei a few moments to calm down. And when the time was finally right this time round, Shiki leaned in once again for another kiss.
“Calling you my girlfriend - I absolutely love the sound of that.”