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I can’t sleep.
The darkness of the garage swallowed him whole, exhaustion had nearly taken all over his body, why couldn’t he fall asleep?
It’s cold.
He had a blanket. Why was it still so cold?
I need to sleep.
He curled himself up on the old couch, it’s not comfortable, but it does the job. Maybe if he kept his eyes completely shut, at one point his mind would give up and he could finally rest, he knew it would happen as it did many times before. How troublesome, if only he could take away the need for such a thing, it would’ve been so much easier for him.
Yeah, it would have, that’s how it should be.
“Rise and shine, sleepy head!”
A voice shatters the nightmare. Bringing him back to reality.
He is laying on a large and comfortable bed, not a couch.
A sensation falls on his face, it feels really, really warm. He leans against it. Almost drifting back into slumber.
“Hey!! Don’t fall back asleep.” The voice calls out again, poking a finger at his cheek.
Slowly, he opens his eyes. Allowing the sight of the person laying next to him coming into vision.
What greets him is a joyful grin, a look so tender he can melt into it completely, the boy with blond peachy hair and eyes the color of the gentle sunset emerges in Rui’s eyes. There he is, the person Rui loves so dearly. His one and only star, his Tenma Tsukasa.
“Good morning, Rui!” Tsukasa says, full of enthusiasm.
“Rui can’t hear you, he’s soooo sleepy right now.” Rui replies, pretending to close his eyes back “But maybeee, a kiss would wake him up!”
“You…”
Rui seems to have regretted it a little, because he wants to see Tsukasa’s face so badly right now.
Just a little peek wouldn’t hurt, right?
He tries to sneak another glance.
Tsukasa looks a little bit closer than before, or rather, he IS coming closer, with his eyes closed.
Wait, is he really gonna do it?
Rui’s eyes widen, he can almost hear the sound of his heart bouncing all over the place inside his chest.
“W-wait, Tsuka-”
The words fail to come out of Rui’s sealed lips. Not by Tsukasa’s kiss, but by his pointer finger placing on them.
“Ha! Got you!”
Tsukasa breaks into laughter, while Rui’s whole face burns.
“Tsukasa-kun, this is cruel. Woe is me, to be bullied by my boyfriend right after waking up like this…” Rui tries to wipe away his fake-tears, but it’s really just an excuse to cover up his flustered face.
“What, so you finally know how it feels now!” Tsukasa replies. “But… how about this?” He opens his arms, signaling to Rui with a wink.
And without hesitation, Rui slides right in. Burying himself into Tsukasa’s warm embrace, smiling contently.
“I love you, Rui!” Tsukasa gives Rui a long kiss on his forehead, while running his fingers through his messy morning hair.
“I love you too, my star.” Rui melts into Tsukasa’s voice, wishing he could stay in this moment forever.
After a while, they dragged their sleepy bodies into the bathroom to brush their teeth, still in their respective purple and yellow pajamas.
“Rui.”
“What is it, Tsukasa-kun?”
“I can’t do my skincare routine like this.”
“That’s too bad.”
“What do you mean ‘too bad’!? Get off me!!!”
Inside the bathroom mirror reflected the still sleepy Rui, who is resting his head comfortably on his 9 centimeters shorter boyfriend, hands wrapping comfortably around said boyfriend’s waist.
Clearly annoyed, Tsukasa puts down his cleanser, slowly reaches his hands onwards, and pinches both of Rui’s cheeks.
“Thukasa-kun, thid ish sho mean yo yo yo” Rui accepts his defeat and finally backs away.
Paying no attention to Rui’s remark, Tsukasa puts on his special pegasus headband with particularly noticeable white wings and horn, a necessary part to start his skincare routine. Which Rui finds unbearably adorable
Rui watches Tsukasa simultaneously laying his “equipment” in order: cleanser, toner, serum, eye gel, moisturizer. And lastly, sunscreen.
He yawns at the sight, then walks over to turn on the faucet, splashes his face with water, dries himself with the nearest towel he can find. Then turns around and waddles in his platypus slippers away, completely missing the awe-struck and speechless Tsukasa.
The morning feels so… exciting.
I don’t want to eat.
He swirled his fork around the plate, struggling to find any desire with the food in front of him. It wasn’t because the food looked bad, or he didn’t like it. In fact, he would admit that his mother’s cooking was the best in the world, she always made sure to leave out the vegetables he disliked. Still, no matter how much he tried, his appetite simply refused to show up.
“It’s okay, Rui. No need to force yourself if you don’t feel like it.” His mother’s voice sounded from across the table.
Without looking at her face, Rui could still tell that she was wearing that worried look, forcing a smile to not make him feel guilty. He could only mutter a defeated “sorry” as he kept his head low, avoiding her eyes.
Soon, he found himself showing up for breakfast at the dining table less and less. He either skipped it entirely, or brought it to school and ate alone on the rooftop. That way, it was simply so much easier for him.
Yeah, that’s how it should be.
“Tsukasa-kun.” Rui blinks at the food in front of him.
“Yes, Rui?”
“Have I done something unforgivable?”
“No, why?”
“Then why… Why did you intend to poison me in broad daylight!?”
“You mean the brocolis on your plate?”
“This should be attempted murder!!” Rui pouts.
“Sometimes it truly pains me to realize that you are somehow taller than me.” Tsukasa sighs. “You don’t have to eat them, I can do it for you.”
“That would be great, thank yo-” Rui stops himself abruptly when he looks up and sees the sad pleading eyes of a kicked abandoned puppy. He never thought there would be a day where his favorite trick to make Tsukasa accept his requests would be used on him. And worse, it's working surprisingly well.
“I-I put a lot of effort into cooking them, you know! I would be so happy if you could eat just one…” Tsukasa frowns, even lets out a couple of sniffles to seem more convincing.
“Tsukasa-kun...” Rui puts up a smile that doesn’t convey any amount of happiness, and reluctantly reaches for his fork.
“Fine, just-just one… okay?” His hand trembles a little as the horrifying green approaches his mouth. It’s like he’s looking at the very embodiment of all the evil in the world, gnawing at him with the intention of swallowing him whole and consuming everything he loves. And it doesn’t seem like he could look away from it either, because there’s Tsukasa making that sad and disappointed face in the corner of his vision.
Truly, Rui is stuck in a stalemate. But, Tsukasa’s happiness is worth far more than his discomfort, so he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and pops it into his mouth, pausing for a few seconds before chewing.
Tsukasa, who hasn’t blinked once the whole time, immediately bounces up from his seat and runs to Rui’s side.
“RUI!!!!!! YOU DID IT!!!!!!” He shouts in pure excitement. “GOSHH I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!”
Rui turns over to the beaming Tsukasa standing next to him and wraps his hands around Tsukasa’s waist to pull him closer and look at him anticipatingly.
“Good job, Rui! I will eat the rest for you, don’t worry!” Tsukasa giggles, rubbing Rui’s hair and to which he also nuzzles into his shirt in response.
Since when… did I enjoy having breakfast this much?
It is cold today.
Rui shivered up as the chilling winter wind hit him. He wasn’t wearing a scarf.
Why should he? It was just a trip to the mechanic store to buy machine parts, there wasn’t such a need for something so insignificant. He gripped his right hand hard, keeping it from shaking, it would be annoying if he were to drop all of the parts he just bought.
Just then, a thought sparked inside his head. If he could make a robot that has the ability to wrap itself around his body to keep him warm in moments like these, it would be so much more convenient.
Yeah, that’s how it should be.
“Ready to go?” Tsukasa asks, approaching Rui from behind with keys ready in hand.
“Mhm, we can’t keep Emu-kun and Nene waiting for too long.” Rui nods, zipping up his side backpack.
“Stop for a moment.” Tsukasa interrupts him.
“Hmm?”
“Your scarf is loosened, let me fix it.”
Rui looks down at himself. Ah, it indeed is, how did he not notice? Seems like he simply put it on and got distracted by something else. He takes it off and hands it over to Tsukasa, shooting a thankful smile.
“I’ll leave it to your capable hands.”
“Are you doing it on purpose? We can’t cuddle if you catch a cold, you know.” Tsukasa teases, starting to wrap the scarf around Rui’s neck.
“I’ll have to look after myself better then.” Rui responds, watching the focused Tsukasa quickly tying a perfect knot, as if he’s used to doing it to someone else many times before.
“Done!” Tsukasa exclaims, looking at his work, and then at Rui, giving him a warm smile, eyes closed. Letting out a proud little giggle to himself.
Rui could practically feel the fireworks blowing up inside his stomach right now.
It’s lethal to me how cute you are sometimes.
Rui reached a hand toward his unsuspecting boyfriend, pressing it against his slightly flushed cheek. Before Tsukasa can open his eyes again, Rui has already leaned in.
And places a quick kiss on his forehead.
“Wh-” Tsukasa jumps back, pressing two fingers on the spot of the kiss and blinking continuously in surprise.
“Thank you, my star.” Rui adds, gazing fondly into the other’s eyes.
“Y-you’re welcome!” Tsukasa looks down, trying to hide his flustered smile. “Well, I am your star after all, I should always be looking out for you!” His speech trails off into his usual laugh.
“That’s what I love about you.” Rui mumbles under his breath, just enough for himself to hear, but it’s not like Tsukasa can catch it over the sound of his own laughter anyway.
“Now then, shall we go?” Tsukasa holds out an inviting hand.
And Rui reaches into it. Even through mittens, he could still feel the warmth of Tsukasa’s hand. Their fingers interlock into one another, and he can feel the size difference between them.
The moment they step foot outside the door, the chilling wind washes over their faces immediately. Tsukasa shivers a little, cupping his face with blue mittens to warm it up. Something Rui finds adorable.
“It sure is cold today.” Tsukasa says, turning back at Rui. “It’s okay! I’ve brought hot tea for all of us!” He gives a proud thumbs up.
Rui giggles in response. “As expected of my dear troupe leader.”
The two of them begin making their way toward their destination, footsteps and breath matching rhythm. And Rui finds himself clutching Tsukasa’s hand a bit tighter than usual.
It is not so cold today, after all.
When the two of them return to their apartment, they are still clutching each other’s hand tightly.
After changing his clothes, Rui walks into the living room to find Tsukasa crashing face down on the couch in his blue pajamas.
“Did rehearsal today really take that much out of you?” Rui teases.
“You’re one to talk! Who was it that launched me out of a cannon three times!?” Tsukasa snarks, getting up to leave an empty spot.
Rui takes a seat, patting Tsukasa on the shoulder. “And you pulled the landing perfectly every time. There’s truly no one fitting the protagonist role better than my dear troupe leader.”
“W-well, if you put it like that then.” Tsukasa’s cheeks flush a tint of red as he receives the compliment. “Wait, but our protagonist is a knight though, knights don’t get launched out of cannons, do they?”
“Is that so?” Rui averts his eyes, clearly dodging the question.
“It is so!” Tsukasa sighs. “Well, you were laughing a lot. Emu and Nene were too, so it was worth it for me. Good work today, Rui!” He smiles, looking proud.
“You too, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui smiles back.
“Now, we can sit back and relax!” Tsukasa turns on the TV, excitedly going through their watchlist for a fun and relaxing movie.
Rui’s eyes stay on his focused boyfriend. Who keeps murmuring to himself “this one could be good inspiration for our shows!” “no wait, no shows, we are taking a break! maybe a comedy…”
You never know how adorable you really are, Tsukasa-kun. Since when have I started to love seeing this side of you?
Since when?
The nightmare he had this morning emerges from the back of Rui’s mind. He used to never turn on the TV at all. To him, the noises were annoying and distracting, and none of the shows were interesting enough to him. The only thing he’d do after coming home was tinker with robots until he was tired enough, then throwing himself on the couch and shutting his eyes until he fell asleep. It was the same thing everyday, like a circle that never ends. He’d grown numb to it, he accepted that he’d grown numb to it.
And yet, right now he’s so excited to watch a movie with someone else, very much so. This feeling that’s rising so intensely inside his chest, It’s still new to him. How should he take it? He doesn’t know how to take it, he really doesn’t. The cold of the distant past and the warmth of the present swell up inside Rui, so many emotions contradicting one another are coming up at once.
It’s… so overwhelming.
“Rui, what’s wrong?”
When Rui comes back to his senses, he is faced with Tsukasa’s concerned eyes.
“Ah, nothing, it’s just…” He replies, feeling the guilt inflicted on him by Tsukasa’s look.
“No, please talk to me. Is everything alright?” Tsukasa places a hand on Rui’s cheek, gently guiding his face back.
Rui’s eyebrows furrow, he can feel the corners of his eyes turning wet. He wants to look away, but he wants to lean against Tsukasa’s touch more than anything else.
“It’s okay. I’m right here.” Tsukasa’s voice deescalates into a soft whisper, tender and comforting. Rui sees his own face reflected in the other’s sunset-colored eyes.
“I love you, Tsukasa-kun.” He mutters, his voice a little hoarse and shaky.
“Mhm, I love you too, Rui.” Tsukasa responds.
“I know, and that makes me truly happy.” Rui’s lips curve into a content smile for a split second, before returning to a frown again “So happy that I don’t know how to handle it.”
His voice becomes even more shaky, and it’s hard to hold back the tears as he feels both ridiculous and guilty. “Does someone like me… really deserve it?” He puts his palm on Tsukasa’s hand, pressing it against his face as if it would disappear any moment now.
Tsukasa pulls himself closer to Rui, placing his other hand on the back of Rui’s head and caressing it slowly, feeling the hair brushing against his palm.
“Of course you do, and I love you more than anything.”
The words feel like a release to Rui’s emotions. Before he knows it, tears start to stream down his face. He buries his face on Tsukasa’s shoulder, hands clutching him tighter than ever.
For a little while, neither of them say anything. Only the sound of Rui’s quiet sobs can be heard, but most of them are drowned out by the ambient TV noises.
“Feeling better?” Tsukasa asks, feeling Rui’s grip on his back beginning to loosen.
Rui tries to muffle up a reply, but finds that nothing comes out. He simply nods instead.
“That’s good, can you wait? I’ll go get you some water.” Tsukasa pulls away from the hug, turning towards the kitchen.
Rui nods, watching Tsukasa’s figure disappear around the corner. He doesn’t want Tsukasa to leave, but being able to talk to him would be better.
After making sure Tsukasa isn’t coming back for a bit, Rui takes in a slow, deep breath, he throws his back against the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling.
He doesn’t know what to name the feeling stirring inside him right now.
It was as if he was under the bottom of the ocean. It was dark, lonely, and endlessly empty. But, it was safe, he couldn’t see any danger, only himself. And that was all that mattered to him.
Then, for the first time ever, there was light.
At first, it was blinding, unfamiliar, incomprehensible. He closed his eyes, trying his hardest to drive it away. He didn’t like it one bit, why would he? It was like an uninvited guest, stealing away the darkness that was keeping him safe.
It was the only thing keeping him safe, it was where he should be.
Right?
Was he… wrong?
If he peeked just a little, it wouldn’t hurt, right?
When he opened his eyes again, it was… different.
The light wasn’t blinding, it was showing him the way forward. Little by little, he began to find familiarity in it. And by now, it has become the thing that understands him better than anyone ever could.
Inside that light, he finally saw it.
How beautiful the starry sky could be.
“Rui!”
A familiar voice echoes from behind him.
How ridiculous.
If it wasn’t because of you, I never would have realized that I love hearing my own name that much.
He turns around, and there stands Tsukasa, with a glass of water in one hand and a platypus plushie in the other.
“I-I’m not sure what would cheer you up. But I know that you really love this, so I brought it from our bedroom.” He stumbles over his own words, trying to cover his concern with an awkward smile.
“How did you know it was exactly what I needed? As expected of my reliable star.”
“Really!? That’s good!!” Tsukasa smiles, excitedly runs over and hands the water to Rui.
He sits down next to Rui with the platypus plushie, watching him drink the water thoroughly, breathing in relief.
“Do you need anything else? Do you need another glass? I could bring you another glass. Ahh.. I should’ve brought the whole bottle here.” He scratches his head nervously.
“No, it’s okay, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui replies, holding a giggle. “But…”
He thinks for a moment, and then slowly leans into Tsukasa, looking fondly into his eyes. To his response, Tsukasa wraps his hands around Rui’s waist, pulling him closer.
Without wasting a single moment, their lips find each other.
Tsukasa’s warmth and softness captivates Rui instantly. He pushes in further, pinning Tsukasa down against the couch. Feeling Tsukasa’s arms wrapping around his neck, hands running through his back hair. It’s not enough. Rui wants more, more of Tsukasa, everything of Tsukasa. Their mouths clash into each other, parting barely a second for a breath, and then immediately go back into it again.
Ah, Tsukasa-kun, you are truly so, so beautiful.
By the time Rui breaks away the kiss, the two of them are left panting heavily, taking in each other’s warm breath, eyes completely mesmerized holding in all of the other person. Rui lets himself collapse onto Tsukasa’s body, listening to the sound of his racing heartbeats combined with Rui’s own ones. He smiles in pure bliss with the platypus plush in hand.
“Can we stay like this for a bit?” Rui asks, voice no more than a soft whisper.
“For however long you like.” Tsukasa replies, caressing his boyfriend’s soft cheek.
My heart feels so full.
Is this… how it should be?
Rui's eyes fall on Tsukasa's face, who is still sleeping soundly next to him. He hardly believes even an earthquake could drag his boyfriend out of dreamland right now.
He holds the back of his hand against Tsukasa’s face, feeling each slow and steady breath press against his skin.
“Always falling asleep so easily, it amazes me how you do it.” He says, gaze still fixed on Tsukasa’s face.
Then, he guides his pointer finger over to Tsukasa’s cheek, feeling the softness as he traces it along his face.
“Seeing you like this, it’s too adorable.”
To his reply is the obvious silence of the room, but Rui doesn’t mind it. Nothing brings peace to his mind than this moment, watching the person he loves’s unchanging expression.
“Tsukasa-kun, I love you so much. Truly, thank you for choosing me.” A gentle smile spreads across his face. How strange, he could say something like this any time of the day and amuse himself with Tsukasa's flustered reaction. And yet, right now, it's as if the words just came out by themselves.
He slowly places another finger on Tsukasa’s cheek, then another, until his whole palm rests against Tsukasa’s warmth. The sensation enters his mind like the feeling of gazing at the sky filled with stars through the window. It’s tender, relaxing, and calming. It feels like he is truly where he meant to be, by Tsukasa’s side.
“How unfair, you came into my life just like a shooting star, how am I meant to adjust to it?”
“By being the night sky for me. Only you can make me shine the most, after all!”
Rui’s eyes widen, the unexpected reply catches him completely off guard.
“W-when did you wake up?” He looks away, trying to hide his flustered face.
“Who knows? That’s not really important!” Tsukasa dismisses the question, “It’s late.” He opens his arms “Let’s sleep. Cuddles?”
As always Rui slides right in. The two of them giggle in each other’s embrace.
“I love you, Rui!”
“I love you, my star.”
Whatever happens, tomorrow he will wake up to Tsukasa’s smile, and he will greet Rui in that same sleepy voice as always. “Good morning, Rui!” Just that alone would give Rui more than enough energy to start the day.
He can’t wait to hear it, so he too, closes his eyes. Slowly, slowly, drift into a deep and peaceful sleep.
Ah, so this is how it should be.