Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The snow is getting harsher.
My face stings from the cold air, my mother sitting near the fire, sowing some of our boots.
I have to be the man of the house, my father is no longer here. I have to step up earlier than usual.
I sit in the entrance of our igloo, I like the sting, it’s cool, and soothing in a way. I hear our dogs yelping and playing. I hear the wind, then I hear my mother’s voice.

Her tone low, lazy, she wasn’t always like this, she used to be more bright, talkative before my father died. Now it seems that she only talks to me when she has to.

“Amakru, go with the hunter with the seal they caught today…” her tone smooth..hushed..

I open my eyes, and I sit there for a moment.
I’m 14, one more year and I’ll be considered a “man”,

I grab my father’s Ulu, and ilgaak, then I head out.

The snow is getting thicker, crunchier.
The hunting ground isn’t so far out, it won’t take much longer to get there..
As I walk through the snow, I see you , Kallik. You’re the chief’s son. I feel my face heat up, I’ve known you since we were younger, then all a sudden I get this feeling. It’s like the feeling when you like a girl, but I have this feeling with you. I won’t dear tell you, or anyone. I would get in big trouble, maybe even exiled. I don’t want that, I have to be there for my mom. I’m the only one she has left.

“Amakru, come help me over here..” your tone gruff and cold. You sound older than you are, despite only being a year older than me. You even act older than you truly are.

I walk over next to you, and I pull out my father ulu to easily cut off the blubber and skin off the seal. There’s a silence between us, you’re not much of a talker, you speak but many times you rather not to..

“Hm, You’re cutting skills have improved.” You nod, it comes out more as a comment, not compliment.

“Oh yeah, my… my mom makes me practice from time to time.” I say, my face heats up once more. At some point, my cutting was jagged, but it’s smooth now.

“Speaking of your mother, she talks too much.” You gruff

I look at you, then back at the seal, “She does talk much..”

“I over hear her a lot, she says that you watch me…”

I freeze for a moment, I grip the ulu in my hand. Why is she even talking about that? My face heats up once again, “I don’t watch yo-…”

“Liar.” The words come out your mouth unexpectedly cutting me off. You don’t sound offended or upset by the fact though.

“It’s just, I don’t know. I can’t really put it into words..” I reluctantly start to cut the blabber once again.

“Hn..” you say.

The silence comes once again, so I try to lighten the mood back, “So, are you ready for the big responsibility? Becoming chief one day…”

“It’s more like a burden.”

“Ah, well I guess. I don’t think I’ll be able become a chief if I had the choice.” I can see why you say that, You have to take care of everyone and everything. People are counting on you.

“What will you be?”
“Huh?”
“When you’re older, what job will you pick?”
“I don’t know, maybe a hunter..”
“Hmm…”
“what?”
“I’ve seen you hunt in the past, you aren’t bad, but..”
“But what? You don’t see me as a hunter?”
“It’s not that, it’s just it’s a dangerous job. People freeze, get lost, or get killed.”

“You’re a good boy, you don’t need to take any of those risks..”

I feel my get hot, do you really mean that? I never thought that I would hear you say something like that…
“thanks..” I shyly mutter.

“You have skill, potential.” I say bluntly, it seems that you’re obvious of how you make me feel. Or that’s what it seems.

“Thanks, Kallik, it means a lot.” My cheeks clearly red, and it’s not from the cold.

“Hn..”

Silence comes falling back into place, unspoken words from the both of us. You tough on the skin of the seal, the snow accumulating on your lashes.

Then—suddenly one of the other hunters yell out: “KALLIK, your father seeks for you!”

You look up, and stop the toughing, you sigh. It’s probably about the being future chief or whatever not. You, your fathers and the elders, same discussions, mortals and routines. All so tiring..

“Kallik.”

You perk up and then look over your shoulder, “what?”

“I’ll take care of the rest.”
You look at me for a moment and nod, “Thank you, Amakru..” then you walk away getting smaller and smaller until you disappear into the distance.

Chapter Text

Tonight our tribe is have a Qaggiq, a fest where we eat the foods the hunters caught and tell stories. Me and the other hunters turned in the blubber. People are laughing and enjoying the food. Kids running and play with each other or with the dogs we have.

I sit next to my mother, we eat the blabber. The blabber sort of dissolves in your mouth and some parts are tougher to chew. I look over at you, “How did I do mama.”

She nods, “you did well, you’re getting better and better. Your father would be proud.” When ma talks, it sounds so slow and dissociated . You have hurt in your eye, even though dad passed years ago. I hate it for you, so I’m trying my best for you..

I squint a little and I give you a little smile, “Yes, he would be..” I mutter

You pat my shoulder, motherly, a firm grip.
“You’re growing up so fast, few more months you’ll be getting married, and have a little family of your own.”

“Yes, yes you’re right.” I slowly look into my lap, you let go of my shoulder and focus on your food. I have this internal tension, it’s eating me alive anytime I’m around you.
It’s not right, I know but I can’t but feel it. My eyes drift and linger on to you. You’re sitting next to your father, the chief. Your mother died during birth, so you don’t know much about her except from stories I’m sure the chief tells you about.
You look tired, you look like something is eating you alive as well.
I look away from you back into my lap, no one seems to notice. That’s good..

“Eat, you must savor the food.” You say, I snap out of thought and I nod.
“Yes ma’am..” I begin to eat again

Everyone seems so happy, or content with their life out here. The harsh reality, the cold, lack of food but yet people still throw smiles on their faces. Are they real, are people really like living a life like this. It’s not easy of course, but what if all of this stuff were lies. No one will know, but the elders. Somehow the elders know everything, which scares me sometimes now that I think about it.

Moments later the fire did down, the fire embers flow into the sky. My mom is already in our igloo and tells me not to stay out for too long.
I was about to join her, but I see you sitting there. Lost in thought, your eyes boring into the dying fire. You seem down, I want to see what’s up with you. I sit next to you

“Hey Kallik, what did your da-…” I clear my throat, “the chief want with you?”

You don’t even bother to look at me, “nothing much, he wants me to start going to the elder meetings..”

“A lot of responsibilities, I’m guessing.” I look at my feet

“Too much responsibility, I’m not ready for all of that yet..” you mutter under your breath..

“Well, did you tell them that?”

You finally look at me and so do I, “it wouldn’t make a difference, they don’t care about what you want or don’t want…it’s just duty, duty and duty..” you sigh

“Hm, well I’m sorry to hear that..”

“You shouldn’t see me like this, at my lowest..”

“I don’t mind really, we’ve know each other for the longest..” I take my hood off of my parka, my cheeks red from the cold.

“Tch, yeah whatever.” There’s a lack of bite though, then suddenly you move a strain of my hair out my face. Woah, my eyes dilate. You don’t move your hand, you just sit there for a moment, we’re pretty close..this is an intimate moment.
I wonder if you feel the same..

“Kallik.” A cold voice speaks from behind, it’s the chief. Your hand swipes away into your lap, I see your expression. Panic like, rare from you. “Go home, now.” you stand hesitantly but you apply and you walk away. Fading swaying from my view, into the darkness.. when you got up, I saw your hands trembling into fist.

“Chief..” I mutter

“I see you and my son have gotten ‘close’, care to tell me why?”

“Well, you know me and Kallik have known each other since we were young. We’re close friends..”

“Too close, that’s no reason to sit so close to the future chief.”

“…..
It’s nothing like that, chief..I can assure you..”

“Mmhm, make sure it stays that way, boy…”
you look at me over my shoulder, with a cold glare, “Now get home to your mother..”

“…Yes chief..” I grumble and walk to my mother’s igloo. I feel his eyes on me, boring into my skull, I hate this, is embarrassing. Tiring, awful..

Then suddenly all I see is your face, I hear your voice, your touch when you moved that hair out my face. So soft and surprisingly warm, I want you to do it again. Ugh, I can’t get you out my head..

I walk slowly, it’s getting late, I kinda don’t want to go home for some reason. It’s not that I don’t like going home, it’s just…I don’t know.

I feel my face getting colder and colder. My lashes forming ice, my nose and cheeks red. I need to get home…

_____________________________________________

“Amakru, there you are, it was getting late.”

“Sorry mama.”

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t play stupid with me.”

“I was just sitting around the fire, and talking to Kallik. Nothing much..”

“Don’t do that again, and if you do don’t stay out that late again. The cold, animals or even Inua can get you. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am..” I look down at my feet, slightly embarrassed.

“Good, now get ready and come to bed.” You haven’t looked at me once, you’re tending to the oil lamp.

I take off my clothes and boots, mama is already lying down. She was able to make another caribou bedding.

I slide in and it’s warm and soft, “Night.” I say, “Night, Amarku.” I look up at the ceiling and momma is sleeping facing the lamp. Anytime I close my eyes, I think of you yet again. I go into a cold sweat, Kallik get out of my head..

Maybe tomorrow will be different..

Chapter Text

It’s now the next day, the sun high in the sky. I already finish most of my chore work, and now I have to groom our dogs.
The snow is so white, so blinding, so thick, crunchy. So cold that you can barely play with it. So cold even if you do play with it, it feels like you can feel your blood and fluids freeze at the touch.

I wonder what happened to you after chief came, did chief say anything to you? Possibly, what did you tell him. Did he tell the elders?
That was all I saw thinking about last night.

These dogs are restless, running around playing. They don’t know any better. I sigh and I see my breath in the cold air, the sun is peeking out today. It feels nice, the cold are with the sun shining.
Cant help but close my eyes, the dogs tugging at my feet, but I really don’t care.
It feels nice today.

Then suddenly I feel a firm hand on my shoulder, I snap out of it and turn around urgently.
It’s you, “Kallik..!”

“Amakru…
I was calling your name, were you ignoring me?”

“What? No, sorry. I was just lost in thought…”

“Hm, I see..” silence stretches, awkwardly to be exact. The dogs jump up to you, trying to get your attention but you ignore them.

I speak, trying to get rid of the silence: “Hey, I’m sorry if I got you in trouble yesterday…” I mumble

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault.
Besides, I’m the one who sat too close.” You look at the snow and you twirl your feet a little..

I look down as well, “I didn’t mind it, actually I didn’t see anything wron-..”

“You never see anything wrong.” You huff and puff, cutting me off, shaking your head as I wince a little. You aren’t wrong though, but it’s still painful to hear. Especially from you. You’re not the type of person to sugar coat things.
“You’ve always been so naive, you’re 14 now almost 15. I thought that this would change, you’re getting too old to be acting this way, Amakru.”

“…..” I just take it, still looking at the ground. I know you’re right, so I can’t necessarily get mad about it..

You sigh and finally look straight again. It seems that you feel a little bad about how you’re talking to me. “Listen, Amakru, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s dangerous — people will find ways to take advantage of you.”

“I’m not that naive about certain things, I’m just not gonna let people walk over me and use me.”

“That’s what a naive person would say.” You say bluntly, “just be careful on who you trust…”

“The people that I mostly trust is, the chief, the elders, my momma and…you.”

Your eyes snap at me, “Don’t say that, you can’t say things like that so normally.”

Snow begins to fall but neither of us begin to move. Snow crystals accumulate around our lashes and our nose turn a rosy pink.

“But it’s true.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why? Why can’t I say things like that?” I say as I push your buttons.
“Because it’s dangerous, people could hear and get the wrong idea.”

“Do you like the sound of that idea.” I mumble under my breath,

You look at me for a moment, it seems that you’re trying to calculate what I just said…

“What did you say to me?” You frown and take a few a steps toward me.

“Nothing.” I avoid your gaze, and I take a dee steps back.

You frown even harder, you’re getting angry.
“Don’t lie to me, what did you just say?!” You grab my collar.

My eyes finally meet yours with a frown, “I said I didn’t say anything!” My voice raising a little, and I grab your collar as well.

Suddenly — your gaze falls down a little to my lips. We’re close again, like last night, my gaze fallen too…I feel your warm breath on my face, this time your eyes dilate. We lean in a little, lost in the moment, the dogs whining and playing in the background fades out.
I feel the snaggle tooth against my lip..

You shove me, and try to glare at me but your face is red. You storm away, without a word.

So close…

Those lips could’ve been mine..

I stand in the cold, I’m alone now. The dogs follow after you and the snow gets heavier. But I don’t care, I slowly brush my finger against my lips…I squint my eyes a little..

“So….close…”