Chapter Text
Daria didn't make a habit of smiling—smirking on occasion, yes, but not smiling—and on the rare occasion she did, it certainly wasn't contented or relaxed. Yet, somehow, she found herself sitting on her school's roof, idly watching the clouds drift across the midday sky and wearing just such a smile. She would be mortified if anyone saw her—anyone but the person whose fingers were currently pleasantly intertwined with hers.
Shifting her gaze away from the clouds, Daria turned her attention to the girl sitting next to her. If someone had told her a week ago that she would be enjoying an afternoon alone with Brittany Taylor, she would have told them to get their head examined. Now, they were dating. It still didn't feel real. Everything that had happened over the past few days was a blur. Brittany revealing her true self and confessing her feelings had turned Daria’s life upside down and it didn't look like it would right itself anytime soon. The fact that she had just dragged Brittany up to the roof to ask her out was proof enough of that.
Looking back, it was hard to believe she'd managed it—just thinking about what she had done made her blush. Daria had never really spared much thought to asking people out, much less actually being in a relationship. She'd had crushes of course, but those had mostly consisted of her being flustered, embarrassed, and generally making a fool of herself. Brittany definitely had that effect on her as well, but also made Daria want to actually build something with her.
It was terrifying. There were so many ways that things could go wrong and she didn't have the knowledge or experience to properly prepare for them. As if sensing her anxiety, Brittany's hand gave Daria's a gentle squeeze and her worries receded. She even found herself looking forward to whatever came next.
Daria was shaken from her reverie by an audible gurgling coming from the stomach of the object of her affections. Her new girlfriend turned to face her, grinning sheepishly as she said, "Sorry, I was so upset this morning that I missed breakfast."
Even knowing she wasn't in the wrong, Daria felt a pang of guilt. Her admittedly extreme reaction to Brittany's confession the previous day had clearly taken a toll. Pulling her phone from her jacket, she checked the time and said, "Lunch isn't over yet, do you want to get something to eat?"
Brittany hesitated, seemingly torn between lunch and more time alone with Daria. Hunger apparently winning out, she smiled and cheerily answered, "Sure!" Hopping up from her spot leaning against the utility shed next to Daria, she grabbed the smaller girl's hand and pulled her up along with her.
Caught off-guard, Daria briefly worried she would fall, but quickly found her thoughts otherwise occupied. Brittany kept hold of her hand and pulled her into a quick embrace, giving her a playful peck on the lips. Before Daria could fully process what was happening, Brittany had released her and taken a step back.
Daria felt her cheeks heat up as she reeled from the unexpected kiss. In an attempt to regain her composure, she looked down and focused on brushing off her skirt. When she was fairly sure her face had returned to its normal color, she looked up and said, "Alright, so–"
"Oh!" Brittany interrupted, her eyes lighting up as she remembered something. Digging her phone out of her bag and unlocking it, she held it out to Daria and said, "Here. We need each other's info."
Daria looked at the offered device quizzically. They already had each other's numbers; they'd exchanged them when they were working on the project that had brought them together. Carefully, she pointed out, "Um, Brittany? We have each other's numbers."
Brittany shook her head. "I said info," she clarified, stressing the word. "Birthday, email, socials; stuff like that."
Shrugging, Daria pulled out her own phone and unlocked it. Exchanging devices with Brittany, she said, "Alright, but don't expect much in the way of social media."
Brittany giggled as her thumbs flew across Daria’s phone's screen with practiced ease. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
Daria dutifully filled in all the empty fields she could on her entry in Brittany's contacts then looked up to find Brittany holding out her phone. "That was quick," she noted as the two returned their phones to each other.
Looking down at her phone, Brittany shrugged and explained, "I have a lot of practice. Being popular means spending a lot of time on your phone."
A small wave of anxiety rippled through Daria at the mention of Brittany's popularity. It was something she had given alarmingly little thought, and one more uncertainty she had to worry about. The difference was driven home as she thumbed through her new girlfriend's contact information and took in the extensive list of social media platforms.
Before she could become too mired in anxiety though, another addition to Brittany's entry caught Daria’s eye. She'd added a heart emoji next to her name. It was the type of thing that normally annoyed Daria, but for some reason it eased her worries and brought a small smile to her face. A shutter sound from Brittany's phone assured Daria that the smile would be linked to her contact info, which she found herself surprisingly okay with.
"Ready?" Brittany asked. Her voice pulled Daria’s attention away from her screen and she was once again struck by how much it had changed. It wasn't completely different from what she'd come to expect, but the annoying pitches and squeaks were gone, replaced by an underlying warmth.
"Sure," Daria replied, slipping her phone back into her jacket and grabbing her bag. When she turned to start toward the door that led back down into the halls of Lawndale High, however, she hesitated, unable to keep her earlier worries from creeping back to the forefront of her mind. She had no idea what effect she and Brittany dating would have, but she wasn’t naïve enough to believe that there wouldn’t be repercussions. Spending the rest of lunch, or longer, alone on the roof with Brittany was beginning to sound very appealing.
As if on cue, Daria felt Brittany's hand slip into hers as she moved to stand next to her. The gesture didn't banish Daria’s anxiety outright, but it did somehow manage to alleviate the worst of it. Smiling, Brittany gently tugged Daria toward the door and said, “Come on, let’s go. I’m hungry.”
Resigning herself to the fact that she couldn't put off facing her classmates forever, Daria reluctantly allowed herself to be led to the entrance to the roof and back down into the halls of Lawndale High.
Daria paid for her lunch and stepped away from the line to join her girlfriend, currently occupied looking over the crowded cafeteria. Turning to face her as she approached, Brittany asked, "Where do you want to sit?"
Daria made her own quick scan of the bustling lunchroom, finding most of the tables at full capacity halfway through lunch. It was actually something of a relief—Brittany's usual table full of jocks and cheerleaders was the last place she wanted to start explaining to people that she and Brittany were dating.
She was about to suggest finding a secluded spot outside when she spotted Jane waving to her from their usual table. If she had to face her classmates, her best friend was probably the best place to start. Gesturing to the largely empty table, Daria said, "Looks like Jane's made the decision for us."
Brittany looked to where Daria was pointing and grinned, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she waved back to a confused looking Jane. Turning back to Daria, she grinned and excitedly whispered, “Oh, this is perfect! Play along, okay? Trust me, this is going to be great.” Without waiting for a response, the cheerleader started across the cafeteria toward Jane.
The memory of Brittany flummoxing her dad a few nights ago ran through Daria's head as she followed her new girlfriend across the cafeteria, leaving her looking forward to whatever Brittany had planned. Jane wouldn't be as easy a mark, but over the past few days Daria had learned not to underestimate Brittany. Either way, it promised to be entertaining.
Jane eyed Brittany with curiosity as the blonde pulled out a chair across from her, set down her tray, and took a seat. "Brittany, are you lost?" she asked, not bothering to hide the usual note of derision she added when speaking with the popular girl.
“Gee, I don’t think so,” Brittany squeaked in her pitchy cheerleader voice, absently twirling one of her blonde pigtails. As Daria took the seat beside her, she continued, “I mean, it’s normal to sit with the person you’re going out with, right?”
Jane continued to regard Brittany with her typical amused condescension. “Yeah, but Kevin’s way over there,” she replied, stretching out the word as she pointed across the cafeteria to where the quarterback was entertaining his teammates by flinging spoonfuls of mashed potatoes at a stack of milk cartons.
“But Kevin and I broke up, remember?” Brittany asked, expertly maintaining her airhead persona.
“Wow, you two still haven’t gotten back together? It’s been what, half a week? Things must be pretty serious,” Jane joked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She looked to Daria for a follow up, but the bespectacled girl just sipped her milk and watched in amusement.
“They are,” Brittany replied, switching to what Daria now recognized as her normal speaking voice. “I found someone much cuter who likes me for who I am and not just because I’m a cheerleader. Trust me, Kevin and I won’t be getting back together.”
Daria narrowly avoided choking on her milk when Brittany called her ‘cuter’.
“So why aren’t you sitting with Mr. Wonderful?” Jane asked glibly, completely missing both the change in Brittany’s voice and Daria's reaction to what she'd said.
Her mouth turning up in a wry smirk, Brittany smoothly replied, “I am.”
Still not picking up on what was going on, Jane made a show of looking around the otherwise empty table and said, “Brittany, I hate to tell you this, but—”
“Jane, do you remember that girl I told you about yesterday?” Daria interrupted, taking pity on her friend. Jane froze mid-sentence, her mouth hanging half-open as she processed the question. When her eyes began to slowly widen in realization, Daria smirked and confirmed, “I’d like you to meet Alice."
"Hold on," Jane said, raising her hand for silence. “You’re telling me that Brittany—” she pointed her raised hand at the girl in question, "—this Brittany—is the smart theatre girl you were mooning over yesterday?”
Brittany raised her eyebrows and turned to Daria, a teasing smile on her lips as she playfully asked, “Mooning?”
Daria blushed furiously and glared at her friend. “Thanks, Jane.”
Jane grinned widely back at her in response. “I suppose that explains where you had to run off to in such a hurry earlier—you just couldn't wait to dramatically profess your undying love for each other,” Jane teased, laughing out loud as the new couple shared a sideways glance and Brittany’s face reddened to match Daria’s. “This is too good!”
“Thanks for all your support,” Daria grumbled.
“Oh, come on, Daria, you know I support you,” Jane said dismissively. “Hell, I’m the one who talked you into going after her.”
“I guess I should be thanking you then,” Brittany interjected.
“I take Visa, Mastercard, and Discover,” Jane replied with a smirk. “Explanations as to how the girl who was wowed by the concept of a keychain flashlight managed to impress Daria with her intellect are also acceptable.”
“Jane,” Daria cut in tersely, warning in her voice.
Brittany put her hand on top of Daria’s and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. I’m going to be explaining this for a while; I might as well get used to it.” Turning to Jane, she explained, “I think you’ve probably guessed by now, but I’m not actually an idiot.”
“You just play one on TV,” Jane joked.
Brittany’s smile turned bitter. “Pretty much. I had my reasons, but I’m done with that now.” She squeezed Daria’s hand, and said, “I found something more important.”
“So, Lawndale High is going to be looking for a new cheerleader then?” Jane asked.
Brittany shook her head, sending her pigtails bouncing. “No, I like cheerleading; it’s fun to perform in front of everyone and it’s great exercise. I’m just not going to pretend my life revolves around it anymore.” Facing Jane, Brittany missed the surprised look on Daria’s face.
Jane caught it, but didn’t comment, instead keeping up the conversation. “So, what else are you into?”
“Well, the big thing is theatre of course, but I also like—” Brittany was cut off by the bell signaling the end of lunch. “I guess we’ll have to finish my interview later,” she joked.
Jane inclined her head toward Brittany’s hand, still resting on Daria’s. “I’m pretty sure you’ve already got the job. I’ll get the trays. You two kids have fun.” Without waiting for a response, Jane grabbed their lunch trays and her bag and took off.
Brittany watched Jane go with a smile. “That went well,” she said cheerily, “even if I didn’t get a chance to eat.”
“Let’s just hope the rest of the school is as understanding,” Daria grumbled, scanning the cafeteria and finding several clumps of students already eyeing them and whispering. “I’m not exactly looking forward to becoming fodder for the rumor mill.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine, Daria,” Brittany said comfortingly. “Even if people do make a big deal out of things, something new will come up next week and everyone will forget all about us. I promise.”
“I suppose you’d know better than I would,” Daria admitted skeptically. Pulling out her phone to check the time, she said, “I guess we’d better get to class.”
To Daria’s relief, her and Brittany’s presentation in Mrs. Benett’s class went off without any problems, although a few students did seem surprised at the change in Brittany’s speech and the fact that she understood the material she was presenting. Jane and Kevin’s presentation didn’t fare quite as well. Kevin ran out halfway through, sobbing and screaming something about a cash down payment, which left Jane to finish the presentation by herself. The rest of the class passed quickly, the student presentations feeling much shorter than one of Mrs. Benett’s usual indecipherable lectures.
Unfortunately, that meant dealing with her peers came sooner as well. Before the bell signaling the end of class had even finished ringing, Daria could feel her classmates’ eyes fixing on her. When murmuring began, she shoved her things in her bag and exited the classroom as quickly as she could, hoping to avoid any unwanted questions regarding her new relationship. Just when she thought she had escaped safely into the hallway, a hand grabbed her arm. She immediately spun on her heel, ready to verbally eviscerate whoever thought it was a good idea to touch her, only to find Brittany standing in front of her with a confused look on her face.
“What’s the hurry? You didn’t even say goodbye,” Brittany asked, her pink lips pursed in a slight pout.
A small pang of guilt shot through Daria and she hurried to explain, “Sorry. I just wanted to get out of there before they started the inquisition.”
“Oh,” Brittany said, her features relaxing in relief. “I figured you’d just tell them off.”
“If I had to work my way through everyone in there with a question about us, I’d miss my next class," Daria deadpanned. "Speaking of which, we'd better get going.”
Brittany glanced up at the hallway's clock and said, “Oh! Right.”
Before Daria realized what was happening, Brittany stepped up to her and put her arms around her. She tilted her face down and by reflex Daria lifted her own to meet her. The kiss only lasted a few seconds before Daria realized what was happening and stumbled back, blushing for the umpteenth time since she'd asked Brittany out. Quickly glancing back into the class and around the hallway, she found people staring and whispering everywhere she looked. In a harsh whisper, she asked Brittany, “What are you doing? We’re in the middle of the hallway!”
Confusion and regret flooded Brittany’s features. “I’m sorry, I just thought—”
“I know you’re used to making out in front of the whole school—” Daria began angrily, before noticing how hurt and guilty Brittany looked. Sighing, she forced herself to relax and said, “Look, I’m new to this whole dating thing, do you think we can hold off the public displays of affection for a while?”
“Of course. Daria, I’m really sorry,” Brittany apologized, sounding almost afraid.
Daria shook her head. Trying to sound reassuring, she said, “It’s fine. I’ll see you in O’Neill’s last period, okay?”
“Yeah. Bye,” Brittany said, giving an awkward wave before turning away and heading down the hall.
Daria stood silently as she watched her girlfriend go, unable to bring herself to move from the spot. Guilt, frustration, and the memory of the kiss churned in her gut, leaving it painfully twisted.
“How do you think she tricked Brittany into it?”
“I told you she was gay. That art chick must have finally dumped her.”
“I heard Brittany actually got a question right in class. Does dating a brain make you smarter?”
“So, is Kevin up for grabs now?”
“It’s weird, but don’t they look kind of cute together?”
“It’s just so wrong.”
Daria gritted her teeth as she walked down the hall to her last class. The whispers and glances from earlier in the day had escalated into what seemed like a schoolwide conversation about her love life. She hated being the center of attention—she hated attention period. For the first time she could remember, she was actually relieved when she entered Mr. O’Neill’s room, if only because there were less students there than in the hall.
“Hey, it’s the girl of the hour!” Jane said cheerily as Daria slumped into her usual seat next to her friend.
“I know where you live and which of your doors have broken locks,” Daria nearly growled.
“Not enjoying the limelight I take it?” Jane asked, undeterred by her friend’s vague threat.
“Oh no, I love hearing every idiot in the school’s theories on my sexuality and relationships. You know me, I crave attention,” Daria responded, her frustration leaking through her usual deadpan manner.
“That’s good, because here comes a whole lot of it,” Jane said, looking at something across the room.
Daria followed Jane’s gaze, and found both Brittany and Mr. O’Neill approaching her desk. Brittany arrived first, but didn’t even manage to get a word out before Mr. O’Neill walked up to them, quivering with excitement. “Daria! Brittany! I’m so proud of you! Imagine, two of my best students braving the judgment of society and their peers to pursue a, shall we say, non-traditional romance. If there’s anything I can do to help, maybe an announcement to the class or a lesson based on historic homosexual writers—“
“Um, maybe I can just sit next to Daria. You know, for support?” Brittany asked.
“Of course! I’m so sorry; I should have thought of that. Please, have a seat next to Daria and I’ll go change the seating chart,” Mr. O’Neill said, hurrying back to his desk.
“Best students?” Jane asked skeptically as Brittany slid into her new desk.
Brittany shrugged. “I’m not terrible at English. I act—acted—like an idiot in class for show, but I actually try on the papers and tests.”
“Beauty and brains. You’re a lucky girl, Morgendorffer,” Jane said, nudging Daria with her elbow.
“Um, yeah,” Daria said awkwardly, as she looked over at Brittany nervously. What happened after Mrs. Benett’s class had been eating away at her almost as much as the gossip. “Look, Brittany, about earlier…”
“Yes?” Brittany asked, her tone unreadable.
Daria silently cursed the fact that the person she’d fallen for had years of practice hiding her emotions. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s not that I didn’t… enjoy it. I was just surprised, and having an audience didn’t exactly help things.”
Brittany smiled sheepishly. “I probably should have given you a little more warning. I’m just glad you’re not mad.”
Jane threw up her arms and stared in contempt at Daria and Brittany. “That’s how you handle a fight? I feel cheated. Where’s the vitriol? Where are the curse words? Where’s the thrown paint?”
Daria quirked an eyebrow. “I suddenly have a newfound respect for Tom.”
“Eh, his shirt needed some color anyway,” Jane said with a dismissive wave of her hand.
Brittany giggled. “I’ve got to meet this guy, before he makes Jane really angry. Oh! We should all go get pizza some time. A double date.”
Before Daria or Jane could respond, a familiar football pad wearing quarterback stepped up to Brittany’s desk. Grinning stupidly, he looked down at Brittany and asked, “Hey, babe! Why’re you sitting over here?”
Brittany heaved a long-suffering sigh, and patiently explained, “Kevin, I’m not your ‘babe’ anymore. We broke up, remember?”
Kevin scratched his head. “Um, yeah, but that was, like, a couple of days ago. Aren’t we back together yet? Is this one of those times where I have to buy you something? Because I kinda don’t have a lot of money right now.”
Gently, as if she was telling a child their pet had died, Brittany explained, “We’re not getting back together. I’m dating someone else now.”
“Oh yeah? Who is he? I’ll kick his butt!” Kevin cried, pounding his fist into his palm and looking around the classroom in search of a target.
“Over here tough guy,” Daria called up to him from her desk.
Kevin turned to Daria, bouncing on his feet in impatience. “What? Where? Where is he?”
“Kevin, I’m dating Brittany,” Daria said bluntly.
Kevin chuckled and grinned dismissively. “Don’t be silly Daria, you’re a chick. Brittany doesn’t like chicks. I remember because I asked her once if she and one of the other cheerleaders would—“
“Kevin!” Brittany interjected sharply, cutting her ex off. She took Daria’s hand in hers and rested them on the desk in plain sight. Switching back to the same gentle tone from a moment ago, she said, “I’m with Daria now. This isn’t like the other times. We're not getting back together. I’m sorry.”
Kevin’s fists clenched at his sides, a look of confusion and sadness on his face as he asked, “But, what about our love? What about staying together until graduation? You’re my babe, babe.”
“Kevin, can we please do this later? In private?” Brittany pleaded, glancing around the quickly filling classroom.
Kevin folded his arms and stood his ground, a lengthy silence stretching out between the former sweethearts. The class was mostly full now and everyone was watching, Mr. O’Neill dabbing at his eyes with a tissue. Once again, Daria found herself the center of attention, or at least closer to it than she cared to be. She forced herself to push down the rising frustration and focus on Brittany, squeezing her hand tightly in support.
Brittany looked down and took a deep breath. She met Kevin’s eyes, and, in a guilt-laden voice, explained, “I’m sorry, Kevin. I know this isn’t fair. I was just doing what everyone said I was supposed to and now you’re getting hurt because of that. You’re a really sweet guy, but I never loved you and I can’t stay together with you anymore. I’m not who you think I am. I don’t even like the things you think I like.” Brittany’s eyes welled up with tears, Daria gripping her hand tighter as they started to overflow. “I’m a fake. I thought I could keep it up until graduation, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair to you, but I just can’t do it anymore.”
As Kevin listened, his arms unfolded and went slack at his sides. His brow furrowed in thought, and his eyes began to glisten. As soon as Brittany finished, he quickly turned away and sprinted out of the room as the bell began to ring.
The whispering started again in full force, harsher and more judgmental than before. Daria turned to check on her new girlfriend, finding Brittany hunched over her desk, occasionally heaving from muffled sobs. When she looked away to check around the room, she was frustrated to find what seemed like the entire class whispering and staring at them. Steeling herself, she pushed her embarrassment aside and moved her desk as close to Brittany’s as she could, awkwardly wrapping an arm around her girlfriend in an attempt to comfort her.
Jane stood purposefully and swept a dangerous glare across the rest of the class. When the whispers had at least died down, she stalked over to Mr. O’Neill, who was standing in shock over what had just happened. “Mr. O’Neill,” Jane said forcefully, shaking him from his stupor, “I think Brittany needs to go to the nurse. She looks pretty upset, maybe Daria should take her to make sure she gets there alright.”
“What?” Mr. O’Neill replied absently, looking around confused. Coming back to himself and looking at Brittany, he said, “Oh my! Yes, of course. Good idea, Jane. Daria, could you please take Brittany to the nurse? Take as long as you need.”
“Thanks,” Daria told Jane genuinely, not even caring that O’Neill would think it was intended for him. Helping Brittany up, she grabbed their bags and led her girlfriend out of the classroom.
Daria placed a worn wedge of wood in the gap of the roof’s door so that it wouldn’t close and trap her and Brittany, not that being trapped apart from the rest of the school was an unappealing prospect at the moment. Exit route secured, she walked over to the storage shed and sat down next to Brittany.
Her new girlfriend was slumped against the wall and staring at the ground. Her long blonde hair, pulled out of its trademark pigtails, had fallen to obscure her face. Daria reached over and took Brittany’s hand, unsure what to say in the situation.
After a few minutes, Brittany broke the silence, “I didn’t expect it to be this hard.” Her voice was sullen, lacking any of its characteristic cheerfulness.
“We knew this wouldn’t be easy,” Daria said, trying to come off as comforting rather than condescending.
“I know, it’s just… I hurt him. He’s an idiot, but he’s a sweet guy, like a big dumb puppy.”
“Well, he did have a habit of slobbering all over you,” Daria quipped without thinking. To her surprise there was a little jealousy in her voice in addition to her usual sarcasm.
Brittany giggled and raised her head, her hair falling from her face as she leaned back to gaze up at the clouds. “I won’t miss that. He was a terrible kisser.”
“So, do you still think people will stop talking about us anytime soon?” Daria asked, very much wanting to change the subject.
Brittany sighed. “I don’t know anymore. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
“You’re not… regretting it, are you?” Daria asked, thinking back to earlier that afternoon when they’d talked about all the obstacles they’d be facing. It felt more like a week ago than a few hours.
“No!” Brittany cried out almost desperately, turning to face Daria and squeezing her hand tightly. “I want this. I want you. It’s just a little more than I was expecting and it’s wearing me out, that’s all. I promise, I’m not regretting anything.”
Daria was taken aback by Brittany’s earnestness. Squeezing her girlfriend's hand back, she said, “Brittany, I’m not going anywhere. I want this too.”
Brittany exhaled and visibly relaxed. She leaned over and rested against Daria, who stiffened in reaction. “I know. I know, it’s just… I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.”
Daria’s body gradually relaxed and she found herself actually enjoying Brittany leaning against her. “I still have a hard time believing you were attracted to me for so long,” she said, half teasing.
Brittany yawned. “I’m surprised you never picked up on it. Didn’t you ever think it was a little weird that a cheerleader kept hanging around, well, you?”
“Mostly I just thought of it as annoying,” Daria answered with a small chuckle. When Brittany didn’t respond, Daria started to worry she’d offended her. She began to turn to face Brittany, then stopped when she heard rhythmic breathing. “Brittany, are you awake?” Receiving no response, Daria decided that Brittany could use the rest and grabbed a book from her bag.