Work Text:
Cold. So cold. The blizzard howled around him, biting into his wings, coating them with frost. The snow boiled as it collided with the oozing abyssal energy erupting from his wings like fire. Yet it was useless against the relentless snow. Each beat grew harder and harder, heavier and heaver as the thick ashy snow stuck to him, mixing with the tainted energy that pulsed within him.
He was falling, trying desperately to escape the roars and howling wind that only grew stronger and stronger. Tears of fear froze on his face in little burning icicles.
Draconic roars chased his every move through the snowy night, as he flew desperately trying to catch the wind that was not his. The wind that didn't respond to his call. The biting wind seamed to hinder him. No matter how he flew, he could never catch the wind under his aching wings, as if it too was determined to pull him down, grounding him.
Please. His very breath choked him the abyssal power clawing up his throat. If there was any god who was listening, could listen to his cursed prayer.
“Please! help me. I’ll be good. I’ll leave. I won’t come near Mondstadt again. Please,” he begged.
But it was the gods who condemned him to his damnation. The gods who decided he was a cursed creature.
They were right.
“HELP! PLEASE!” Durin screamed, right as Dvalin roars finally caught up. He dived, aided by the wind for incredible speed. He grabbed Durin, who's tiny frame fit within his fist. He tried to squirm and break free, but was shoved against the mountainside and dragged. The long thick ice crystals stabbing him with below freezing daggers, until he was thrown to the frozen ground. He gasped, unable to breath as Dvalin’s claws ripped open his chest, shredding his heart. Durin’s heart.
His blood ran down the snow, hardening into to crimson agate as it poisoned the icy mountain. His heart still beating as it bled dry.
Durin screamed, jolting awake in bed disoriented, freezing looking around the dark room in a panic. Dark. Cold. Snow. The cave. His traitorous heart thundered in his chest.
“DURIN!” Wander yelled throwing open the door with a blast of wind. …hat guy. Durin felt his eyes prickle with tears, still feeling the burning of them freezing before.
“What is it? Where are they,” Hat guy roared, anemo gathering in his palms, looking for any attackers.
But he couldn't breath, he didn't have the breath to form the words to reassure him he was fine. After all.. he wasn’t. He shivered, the sweat ripping away any shred of warmth as if he was still in that icy wasteland. It didn't help that Sumeru nights were freezing cold. He clutched his chest… the heart that beat within him, thundering, pulsing memories, hatred, maybe even abyss contamination through him, causing him to destroy everything he loved, again. He shut his eyes trying not to cry and failing miserably.
“Whats going on? I sensed turbulent dream energy,” Nahida said, rushing in behind hat guy. Durin sniffled. Oh great now he disturbed lord Kusanali too.
“I’m…fine,” he mumbled finally. He kept his eyes downcast, knowing the lie was obvious. He was so cold.
Hat guy scoffed, “For a guy who says he's fine you look like you've seen a ghost. you're a terrible liar,” he said. Durin hunched his shoulders, hanging his head. The head that felt to small in proportion to his body now. It’s not like he wanted to lie.
“A nightmare?” Nahida asked, as if she didn't already know.
“You call me in here all for a silly little dream?” Hat guy said. To those who didn't know him he would sound angry and irritated, but Durin knew better. He could hear the concern behind the tone.
“It’s nothing, I’m sorry for waking you,” he said. He hunched his shoulders in bed trying to wrap his wings around him, trying to comfort, warm and shield himself. It wasn't helping. His wings weren't attached to his arms anymore so they just stuck out. He still felt cold. So cold. He could feel Nahida’s gaze on him, then she spoke.
“Alright, well since we’re all up now, I’ll go get us some tea and warm milk,” she said. “It seams especially cold tonight.”
Durin wanted to snap that he wasn't a child. He didn't need warm milk to sleep after a stupid dream, nor the pity of the thinly veiled excuse that everyone could use the warm drink. Where was the anger coming from? It wasn't his, right? It couldn't be. He didn't want it to be. His fingers gripped the shirt over his heart with fear. The heart that beat within him didn't belong to him. It belonged to Durin. He was just borrowing it, hosting it.
“Nightmare huh,” Hat guy said walking over. Durin nodded. “Dreams are annoying, they convince you with their oh so sweet temptations that your future is set in stone. And force you to relive the worst of your past,” he said bluntly, but with understanding.
“No… it wasn't mine.. it was Durin’s..” Durin said slowly, taking a deep breath, hugging his blanket closer to him. Would he ever feel warm again?
“I was.. he was.. we were running from Dvalin.. I never wanted to fight him,” he said, his voice quivering. He was so small compared to the massive anemo dragon. It would take no effort for Dvalin to end him just as easily as he had done all those years ago.
“I didn't want to hurt Mondstadt,” he said. Were these his words or Durin’s both? he didn't know “I didn't want to be corrupted I don't want his heart to corrupt me to..I don't want Dvalin to kill me again,” he said worried.
“Relax. Dvalin is not coming after you. He trys anything, we’ll politely tell him to go back the hell off,” Hat guy said with a smirk.
Durin bit back a whimper. That was easy for hat guy to say.
“You have nothing to fear but shadows. I’ll be with you” Hat guy said. Durin wanted to feel encouraged and comforted. He knew Hat guy didn't so publicly or loudly declare his loyalty he knew he meant it, but he was wrong Durin had everything to fear.
“But.” Durin tried to hide under the blankets. This was so much easier while he was smaller. His legs moved at wrong angels and he didn't even know how to move his wings when they weren't his arms anymore. They ended up sticking out of the blankets letting more cold air his him sucking away his warmth cold…
Hat guy sighed. “Alright, alright I cant watch this anymore here,” Hat guy said, grabbing Durin’s blankets and helping untangle them so they draped fully over the dragons body once again. Hat guy didn't leave his side instead sitting on the side of the bed.
“Are you going to tell me it’s just a dream and I shouldn't worry about it,” he mumbled. Hat guy scoffed.
“No. Of course not. Dream or not, it forced you to relive a unpleasant past of being hated again,” he said. Durin looked up, his lip wobbling. Why was he almost crying like this. That was something mini Durin would do, and he wasn't mini Durin anymore.
“You are not hated anymore. You don't deserve the hatred Durin dealt with. You've already had enough,” he said.
Durin clutched his chest, feeling that traitorous heart beat rapidly. He wanted to believe Hat guy. He really did. It used to be so easy back when he was small. Why couldn't he fully believe his words now? Why was this feeling of dread and doom lingering over him. The shadow of his cursed heart full of hatred born long before he existed maybe he deserved it. The abyssal corruption would twist and distort him.
“Hat guy maybe I…this heart..it’s not mine,” He said. The words feeling like treason on his lips.Admitting his fault. Admitting his corruption. Admitting everything.
“Neither is mine,” Hat guy said. He said it so matter of factly, playing with the anemo vision resting above his chest. Durin couldn't help but feel angry at the glowing vision. What used to bring him comfort was now a source of agony. Hat guy said he would stay but what if he couldn’t.
Hat guys heart.. his anemo heart was of the wind, was of the god Barbatos who was friends with Dvalin. Should the time come to end Durin, Hat guy would be forced to side with his archon, with his element. Oh how durin wished with all his heart that he could escape this fate. He didn't want this. He wanted to whimper, cry and scream. He was angry again for no reason. he didn't like who he was becoming.
“What?” Hat guy said. Durin shook his head. How could he say that he was afraid Hat guy would betray him, not when Hat guy had experienced betrayal after betrayal. If Durin revealed his fear Hat guy would feel betrayed again. He had already shown so much faith in Durin back when he was the hero of Simulanka and he the evil dragon. Even if Hat guy was forced to fight him, Durin couldn't..refused to voice his fears and hurt him. So he swallowed them trying to push the growing panic down.
“Nothing. You were saying?”
Hat guy didn't look like he was convinced it was nothing, but continued anyway, respecting that sometimes you just didn't want to talk about things. Durin could only hope he knew how much he appreciated him.
“Both you and I don't have normal hearts,” he said poking at the vision that rested where a humans heart would be. “This is the closest I've got and you've got Durin’s heart,” he said.
“At least yours belongs to you,” Durin said. “I.. don't even know who I am anymore,” he said trying to push the new fear away. “I don't feel like mini Durin anymore, but I know I'm not fully Durin. Not the one that was anyway. This body doesn't even feel like it belongs to me,” he said looking down. Especially not the heart.
Hat guy shrugged. “Albedo did warn us it would take a while for you to adjust to this body,” he said.
“I already did that. I adjusted to a whole new form when I became mini Durin. But now Im not mini anymore. I have a human looking body and a heart that doesn't belong to me. I don't even know who I am anymore,” he said. He could feel the quiver in his voice as he tried to keep it steady. “Mini durin was a good person, Durin wasn’t. Maybe I am evil. Maybe I should be destroyed before this heart makes the choice for me.”
“Don't you dare say that. You have suffered enough you have done Mondstadt a great favor and no one gets to tell you you don't have the right to exist,” Hat guy said in a low voice full of anger. Durin flinched at the tone. Hat guy sighed, calming down before sitting on the bed.
“You know I had to adjust to a new self too,” he said. “All this you're going through, the wondering if you should still exist, if you have a right to, of being torn between a past and present self that want two completely different things, I get it.”
“You did?” Durin said, looking up to meet his eyes.
Hat guy nodded. “Yeah. A while ago I let my hatred consume me. I joined the fatui and after they also abandoned me,” he said with a bit of a bite in his voice. Durin wished he was small enough again to rest on hat guys shoulder. It used to be comforting.
“The short version of this pathetic story is, I tired to erase myself from existence but ended up having to face my past again. And in order to save the traveler from my pasts problems, I had to accept who I used to be as part of myself. The selfish part that tried to kill the traveler and lord Kusanali. But in doing so I got this,” he played with his vision over his chest.
“If I can face up to my past selfs sins and be ok, so can you,” he said.
“But Durin nearly destroyed Mondstadt. He made enemies with Dvalin and Barbatos, your god,” he said unable to bite back the words of fear.
Hat guy scoffed and even chuckled a little. “Barbatos isn't my god. Just because I use his element and I was far more malicious than you were. Durin got corrupted by the abyss and went attacking, I purposely turned my back on humanity and tired to become a god to destroy everything and everyone that hurt me. One is a lot more selfish than the other,” he said bluntly. He leaned forward and gently flicked Durin’s forehead.
“So get out of your head. You're not that Durin just because you've got his heart. Durin’s sins are not yours. And even if they were you already made up for it by protecting Mondstadt. If you wanna weigh it as boring black and white, you've already payed your dues. You're even, even with his old heart. Fresh slate, new start. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me,” Hat guy said, in what was for him, a warm comforting tone. Durin nodded. Relief starting to wash over him. Hat guy was to blunt to lie.
“It’s not going to be easy, but you will master that heart of yours. It was Durin’s, but it’s yours now.”
“But Dvalin..”
“Can go suck a Harra fruit for all I care. Hey why don't we go tell Kusanali to go tell Barbatos off and to keep his dragon away,” Hat guy said with a troublesome smile.
Durin looked down to his chest, at his traitorous heart beating against his will in his chest. The thought sounded blasphemous, but he couldn't help but smile a little at Hat guys confidence. He could all too easily picture it. Hat guy did have the audacity to go tell off a god and his dragon and not feel a shred of intimidation or fear.
“But what if I deserve it ..what if this heart is evil and will consume me?”
“You don’t. No one deserves to be betrayed and hated especially when it’s not their fault. You saved Mondstadt from Durin by taking his heart, and you're not about to become a martyr for doing so. Hell Dvalin acutely owes you a favor otherwise he would have had to go fight Durin again,” Hat guy said.
Durin shook his head. The idea that Dvalin owed him? “I don't think..”
“No he dose. In fact I think it would be great to go tell him,” Hat guy said with a grin. “I’ld love to tell off a dragon.”
“But what about your heart..” Durin protested.
“I already told you Barbatos isn't my god. What you think I’m just gonna bow over to his will? As if. He's the god of freedom, he shouldn't be that much of a hypocrite. Besides I heard he doesn't do much. Look if you want strait up comfort Kusanali will be back in a minute with her warm drinks. She’ll be all ‘there there’ and stuff. She’ll tell you you'll be safe, but I’m interested in reality. And the reality is your fears are valid. Think anyone with a new heart would feel that way,” he said.
“Did you? When you got your heart?” Durin asked.
“Something like that,” he said without hesitation. “It’s a vision. It’s not exactly a heart. But I still like this plan to tell Dvalin and Barbatos off. That sounds fun,” he smirked.
Durin gave the smallest smile. “Were still friends even though I’m not mini durin anymore?” He asked.
“What kind of stupid question is that! Obviously. You think I’m about to ditch you just because you changed forms? Ha! I’m not the stupid shogun,” he said bitterly. “neither of our hearts are exactly ours mines a vision that Ive claimed as mine, and your was Durin’s but now it’s yours. Even if he’s still a little there. We were both betrayed and abandoned. We’re stuck together whether you like it or not,” he said with a smirk.
That did it. Durin’s lip wobbled as he reached over to hug Hat guy. Which for once against was easier with arms. Maybe his arms and wings being separate limbs wasn't so bad.
“Thank you hat guy,” he said, holding tightly to his friend. The fears may still be there, and someday he would have to face them, but somehow hat guy made it sound like it was all gonna be ok. And Durin believed him. “Your so nice.”
“Hey don't go ruining my reputation by making it sound like Im going soft,” hat guy protested, but Durin could tell that was his tone when he was only keeping face.
There was a snap of a kamera. Durin and Hat guy looked up startled to Nahida holding a kamera.
“I'm sorry for startling you both, but you looked so cute. It’s so nice to see you making friends,” Nahida said.
“Tsk show that to anyone and I'm trashing the sanctuary of Surasthana,” Hat guy said. Durin gave a small chuckle that felt like it belonged to mini Durin.
“Don't you laugh. You're going to be helping me. It’s not Mondstadt who needs to fear your power, but anyone who dares to call me cute,” he said.
“So you say,” Nahida said with a giggle. “Now then, here’s the warm milk and some hot tea. This should help you warm back up,” she said passing the warm drink to Durin. He clutched it in his hands feeling the warmth seep back into his fingers.
“Hey why are you the only one with tea? You know I hate sweets,” Hat guy complained to Nahida.
“Try it. I put honey in Durin’s, and some qingxin in yours. It should be nice and bitter,” Nahida said. “If you have your normal tea now, the caffeine will keep you up all night.
Hat guy made a exaggerated sniffing motion over the cup. “Fine. As long as it’s not sweet,” he said.
Durin couldn't help but feel warm. Here with his family Hat guy and Nahida and hot drink in his hands he felt maybe not at peace, there were still too many questions and uncertainties hanging over him, but for now he was ok.
It was just a nightmare. One that he would face one day, but with Hat guy by his side he knew it would end up alight.
This heart wasn't his, but if hat guy could claim a heart then so could he. Those who had been betrayed hated and abandoned forged a bond of fire and wind stronger than any other and nothing would break them apart.