Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Somewhere in Time...

Castiel is alone in a closed bar after hours. He sighs. It's been a long day. He takes a shot. The anniversary of Megs death is always the hardest time for him…He can't help but think about how, somewhere in time, they could have made it work. If they had just made it out alive…he could have been happy with her. But now she's gone, no chance of bringing her back. He takes another shot, smiling fondly. Ah, the pizza man. What a memory. He closes his eyes, trying to recall the feeling of another body pressed against his and lips pressed to his own. He wipes the tears off his face, surprised to find them there. Another shot slides down his throat and his head falls to the bar. In the morning Dean will find him there, tear tracks and all. But for now he lets himself cry and mourn his should have been lover.

Chapter Text

Alone in a closed bar after hours, Castiel sighs and takes a shot. Its been a long day. The anniversary of Megs death is always the hardest time for him…He can't help but think about how, somewhere in time, they could have made it work. If they had just made it out alive…he could have been happy with her. But now she's gone, no chance of bringing her back. He takes another shot, smiling fondly through the burn. Ah, the pizza man. What a memory. He closes his eyes, trying to recall the feeling of another body pressed against his, and lips pressed to his own. More shots quickly follow, until he realizes he has drunk an entire bottle. With a yell, he throws the bottle at the wall. The shattering of glass only makes it worse. It reminds him too much of the way his entire life shattered before it even began. He wipes moisture off his cheeks, surprised to find himself crying. He opens another bottle, not bothering with a glass and drinking straight from it. The alcohol burns as it slides down his throat. He sets the bottle back down carefully, and his head falls to the bar on his forearms as he sobs. He cries for Meg, for Balthazar, everyone he has let down. In the morning Dean will find him, tear tracks and all. But it doesn't matter. Dean will understand, he knows grief and mourning well. For now Castiel lets himself cry and mourn his should-have-been lover.