Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If death is suffering under an avalanche of educational bullshit, then Naruto should just go to heaven. No. Fuck that, he should be Jesus at this point

Naruto stares at the text book Sasuke gave him. It stares at him back. Sure, it can stare at his marvelous blue eyes all it wants, it's from the courtesy of his handsomest father alive (his dad’s words, not Naruto's), after all, he'd still feel smug about his gifted genes otherwise. Except that doesn't solve jackshit. He wants to punch the textbook in the face, but it has no face—only stupid numbers and equally stupid letters in the form of problems which also include numbers and all it really does is deep-fry what’s left of his brain in its own stupidity. 

In other words, Naruto is hell deep and sinking fast. Spectacularly so.

The pencil in his grip squeezes under his palm. He scans the given problem with his eyes, and in God’s good mercy, fails to understand it yet again. Even a toddler could've expected much.

He opts for the best solution against his dear pride. It can be recovered later, Naruto knows his priorities, and it's not keeping his already bullet-lodged dignity. And so, he starts.

“Hey—" 

“Shut up." 

"I haven't even said anything yet!”

"Don't ask me anything. I'm not helping you." 

Sasuke Uchiha, patron of bastards, the model of grace and empathy. Talk about an ass for an attitude. Hell, not even asses have this severe of a personality—this guy could hardly be compared to something so insubstantial. And that's a stretch—he and Satan could be fighting for the throne in hell, and Sasuke, without a doubt, would win. While Naruto appreciates Kakashi very much, all of this seems like a grave mistake, and the blame points to only one direction—none other than Sasuke. 

Naruto is hopeless, and asking him for help is the worst possible solution one can curate in the face of being in the threat of a point with no return. So he does what any optimistic person would do, and gives it another try to understand the question again. 

In which quadrant is P(θ) located if sin θ > 0 and sec θ < 0?

… What the actual fuck is a θ?

Okay, okay—deep breath. He can handle this.

Cogito, ergo sum. A term coined by René Descartes, a renowned philosopher and scientist whose teachings are still preached today, to which Naruto only remembered at this crucial life-and-death moment when everything around him seems to be sinking. 

I think, therefore I am—that’s what it means.

His mind reels back to when he was a middle schooler, full of life and everything vibrant in this world. In which case, also did not include random symbols in math textbooks, leaving him a bit of sanity to spare. But all diverged roads lead to one—what did Descartes mean by that, exactly? What does thinking have to do with existing? Naruto's thinking plenty right now—thinking about how he hates math, how his brain’s betraying his own IQ, and how the only thing he’s “therefore” is outright miserable.

Which is just a long-winded way of saying that René Descartes was just a fucking fraud. A dud. If this is what philosophy is supposed to do—make people realize how little they understand—then congrats, René Descartes. You are an asshole. 

He probably sat all day in his French clothes sipping French coffee, eating baguette or whatever French people digest on a daily basis, twirling his cartoony mustache and laughing in his weird French-y way while not having to solve for a stupid θ that Naruto doesn't even know how to pronounce. And all of this is just fancy terminology that boils down to one simple truth—everything bad in this world somehow leads back to French people.

And yes, it's René Descartes’ fault that Naruto doesn't understand a single damn thing about math. 

Good for you, René. You think. You are. Meanwhile, Naruto thinks and still isn't. He's racked his feeble brain and all he manifested with the courtesy of a French man is just a progressively deteriorating intellect. 

Huh. Maybe that’s what Descartes meant. Maybe “I think, therefore I am” is actually a cry for help—something he wrote down in his sad little French notebook before realizing he, too, had to deal with trigonometry. Maybe Descartes once saw θ, panicked, and decided to become a philosopher instead.

Which honestly, seems like a sensible choice. Running away from math seems like a solid career alternative.

Except he was actually a significant mathematician, which just bursts Naruto’s bubble of the glory of finally finding a famous person in the same wavelength as him. Of course he did math. Of course that goddamn French fraud made it harder for any number to leave Naruto alone.

Naruto drops his head onto the desk with a dull thunk. Sasuke, that damn prick, doesn't even spare a glance at him out of worry. He sticks his hand out and forces himself to touch the text book again. He flips the page, as if maybe this one will be kinder. It isn’t. More θ’s. More sins. More… coses.

Why are there sins in math anyway? Isn’t that a church problem?

Maybe this is the kind of divine punishment those grouchy old people are pertaining to. Maybe Naruto sinned or whatever and his rightful retribution is to study math with Sasuke. It doesn't seem too far-fetched.

“Why does math have sins?” he mumbles, “Does the Pope know about this?" 

Sasuke squints, “That's not what it means." 

"Really? I appreciate your input so much, Father Sasuke. Didn't know you had a PhD in religious trigonometry.”

Sasuke doesn’t look up from his own notes. “You’re hopeless.”

“Then help me!”

“No.”

“Then what the hell does sin mean?! I'm not finishing the goddamn Bible for this.”

Sasuke doesn’t even look at him. “It’s short for sine.”

“Short for what?!”

“Sine. It’s a trigonometric—”

‘Stop speaking gibberish, damn it!”

“Please stay quiet in the library." The old lady across their table shushes, which promptly shuts Naruto's mouth up. 

“... Sorry, ma'am.” he mutters. 

“We'll keep it down." Sasuke echoes right behind him.

The library is fairly empty. It's the height of lunch today, and nobody sane enough would want to study during their breaks unless they're:

a.) A masochist, because torturing yourself by drowning in school works sounds more effective than waterboarding.

b.) Mentally deranged. No one in their right mind would want to pick up a whole ass textbook when you could be sitting at the cafeteria right now, munching on mushy-textured dog food tasting school lunch like a normal person. 

or c.) You're Naruto Uzumaki, who's barely passing his classes by the help of an unknown force (occasionally cheating, mostly educated wishes). Naruto Uzumaki, who right now, instead of eating lunch like a functioning normal member of society, is sitting in the near-empty library, staring down a math textbook as if glaring might make it solve itself while a Sasuke Uchiha sits across him, who, by all appearances, looks like he was born to make other people feel inadequate.

A chainsaw cutting him apart would stress him out less, Naruto thinks. He'd ask himself how'd he even get here, but it's futile. Yeah, right. He's here because of this. 

—

If you would put what Naruto feels like now in one word, it would be “what the fuck?”, but that's three words, and that pisses him off even more.

It's one thing not having Sakura to tutor for him, but it's another to have the guy who loathes you down to the core do it instead. One thing keeps adding up. It feels like he time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish inquisition, which is just a synonym to being the unwilling victim of every torture device that has ever existed in history. 

The last time Naruto felt this horrible was when someone made a “your mom" joke when he was in kindergarten. Which in hindsight, doesn't sound too bad—but if that kid ever knew how amazing his mom is, his tongue wouldn't dare to rise against her. 

Now, Kakashi's assigning them to sit next to each other for every class, and for Sasuke to be Naruto's tutor for the rest of the school year. Just when Naruto thinks it doesn't get any worse, it does get worse, and in some universe’s cruel joke, it always gets worse.

“I don't want to.”

"Bastard, I don't wanna do it too!" 

“Naruto, you're on the verge of failing. Do you really wanna do this with me?” Kakashi snaps back, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Naruto is not listening. He's looking at the Fifty Shades of Gray novels whom Naruto assumes is the full trilogy, neatly stacked against his teacher's desk. Not once in his life did Naruto imagine people actually like junk like this, much less Kakashi, their homeroom teacher who's terrifyingly capable and smart—reading such third-rate literature. His reputation in Naruto's mind is ruined, and could hardly be recovered. 

“Why should I do this?" Sasuke retaliates.

“Yeah? You think I want to do this too, asshole?" 

Though Kakashi’s wearing a mask over his face, Naruto can very well see the strain in his eyebrows. He's not hiding it well—if that is to say that he's even trying to hide his disdain over them. It’s not subtle at all. He’s clearly given up on pretending he enjoys being around teenagers as a whole. Naruto kind of understands why, and the reason is standing right beside him.

It's all Sasuke's fault. Kakashi wouldn’t even be in this mess if that prick with a stick up his ass could just go five minutes without tearing into him. And yes, it's not like Naruto talks to him much—but somehow, his tongue is set to click in annoyance every time Naruto hovers within arm distance. 

The last time he remembers talking to him was during an English test—he’d tried to sneak a look at number 23, got caught, and Sasuke, being the bastard he's always been, turned him in. His mom almost disowned him that day.

So, yes. Naruto has feelings about this. Only very unpleasant ones. Just fucking amazing. No wonder why Naruto's legs itch to kick him in the face.

But it's not like he can, so he opts for crossing his arms together. 

“Sasuke, I told you this already,” Kakashi sighs, “You're the top of the class. You're going to be the one to tutor Naruto—”

“—But why him?” Naruto cuts off Kakashi’s voice roughly. “Isn't Sakura available?”

“Sakura,” Kakashi sighs, “isn't available right now.”

“What do you mean—”

“She has to help Sai out, the new transfer student,” this time, Kakashi cuts Naruto off.

Naruto sticks his bottom lip out and turns away from Kakashi with a sulk. Kakashi doesn’t react—giving a damn would be one of his last choices—but Sasuke’s scowl somehow deepens, like the stick up his ass just upgraded to a full on metal rod. He looks personally victimized by the situation, which is rich, considering Naruto’s the one actually being punished.

“Can't you find anyone else?” Sasuke says, “I have better things to do than to… teach this moron.”

“Mo—what did you just call me?” Naruto knits his eyebrows, each syllable pulling them closer together. 

It’s one thing to hear it disguised in not-so- flowery language and standoffish politeness, but it's another to hear it directly from his mouth. The jerk would probably die before something nice threatens to come out of his mouth—but Naruto digresses, maybe that’s the real genius of Sasuke Uchiha—not the grades, not the brains, but the sheer dedication to being an asshole with distinction. And honestly, Naruto would be lying if he said it wasn't admirable.

“Naruto, enough,” Kakashi pinches the bridge of his nose, “And Sasuke, you… you're not making this any better.”

“I believe it's the perfect time to remind you that the only subject you're lacking at is mine. I'll give you additional credits so…” And just for the sake of putting emphasis on it, he rubs a stressed hand against his forehead, “Please bear with Naruto for me, would you?” 

Sasuke grimaces, “I don't wanna work with this idiot. Much less to tutor him.”

“I told you I'll give additional credits.” 

A beat. 

“You're aiming to get a scholarship at Konoha University, aren't you?” Kakashi pushes.

Another one. Naruto sees Sasuke purse his lip in contempt. 

Sasuke clicks his tongue (that damn bastard) and shifts his weight in place. He looks physically constipated but granted—that's just how he looks most of the time. Even taking a long, massive shit wouldn't fix that. Naruto isn't one to judge though—some people just truly fell on the short end of the stick, and obviously, Sasuke got the shortest one. Even modern medicine would fail to salvage such bad attitude.

But nevermind bad attitude, that's his problem, not Naruto’s. The universe can bend and stretch into infinite realms of possibilities before he starts giving a damn what Sasuke thinks about him. His priority remains true and foremost, get out of this abhorrent situation, kick Sai in the butt so he can score a tutor session with Sakura, and—

“... Fine.” 

“What the fuck did you just say?” Naruto's head nearly snaps. 

“I said enough, Naruto,” Kakashi says, “I'm grateful for your cooperation, Sasuke. You two are dismissed. Go to the library right after.”

“Hey, don’t ignore me! Sasuke, you… stupid fucking jerk! Why would you agree to this—”

“I just complied. I never wanted to be associated with the likes of someone that has air for brains.” 

“I don't have air for brains!” 

“Who are you trying to convince, airhead?”

“Naruto, and you… Sasuke," Kakashi sounds done. Naruto stops his hands abruptly, almost about to catch the collar of Sasuke's uniform in a tight grip. With that said, Kakashi adds unhelpfully, “Go to the library. Now." 

Surprising enough, the two raise their voice in unison, "But—”

"No buts,” Kakashi repeats, "Go to the library. Now." 

—

Maybe it would've offered him a sliver of comfort if Sasuke was anything but emotionally constipated, but he's here. And Naruto's here. And they're both stuck with each other with no choice. The environment of the library makes it ten times worse—it's half empty, but still full of overachievers and mentally deranged people who probably dream about math in their sleep. Every scribble of a pencil feels like someone reminding him he’s the dumbest person in the room.

“You've been staring at that for 10 minutes." Miraculously enough, Sasuke’s the first one to strike a conversation.

“Probably because you're not doing your job tutoring me. Who knows?” Naruto snaps back.

“... Fine.” And then Sasuke shifts. He stands up to pull the seat beside Naruto. “What do you not understand?" 

"Nothing at all.”

“Answer properly. Do you want me to help you or not?" 

"No, no, I'm joking—wait. Sasuke come on, be nice for once. Helping me is literally your job.”

Sasuke exhales through his nose, glares at Naruto, and grabs the textbook from him—pointing at a problem from it. Naruto watches him with caution, because he's mainly worried that a single act of charity might fry Sasuke's braincells off. 

“In which quadrant is P theta located if sine theta is greater than zero and secant theta is less than zero.” Sasuke recites. 

“Uh-huh." 

"What's the answer?”

“What—dude, how should I know?! Isn't it your job to teach me how to get the answer?”

“You said you wanted help." 

“Yeah, help. Not a fucking pop quiz, asshole." 

Sasuke stares at him with a squint again. At this point, Naruto's unfazed. He sighs sharply and points to the problem again. “I’ll start from the top.”

"Okay cool. What's a sin?" 

Sasuke rubs his temple once, like he’s buffering. “It’s pronounced sine. It's one of the trigonometric functions. It’s a ratio, opposite side over hypotenuse.” He sketches a triangle, sharp and precise, the kind of handwriting that looks expensive.

“So it's not a bible thing?" 

“Of course it's not a bible thing. Are you dumb?"

"Yeah so like, it's a ratio,” Naruto ignores him, leaning closer, “And the opposite of… what?”

“The angle. See this?” Sasuke taps one of the corners. The stupid θ. “That’s theta. It’s just a symbol that stands for the angle.”

Naruto hums thoughtfully. “So it’s not… like, a number?”

“It is a number. It’s just not written as one. It’s a placeholder.”

“Then why not just write the number?" 

“It’s logic.”

“Logic would be writing the number down to begin with,” Naruto says flatly.

Sasuke ignores that and continues, “So sine theta greater than 0 means sine is positive.”

“Uh-huh. And that’s good?”

“It just means the angle’s in either the first or second quadrant.”

Naruto nods sagely. “Right. Obviously.”

“You have no idea what that means, do you?”

“Not even a little.”

Sasuke exhales, grabs the pencil out of Naruto’s hand, and starts sketching a circle divided into four neat sections. “These are the quadrants,” he says, labeling them I, II, III, and IV. “This is where you find out whether sine, cosine, tangent—whatever—is positive or negative.”

“I know that much." Naruto says. "I listened during that lesson.”

"Then you should know where the first and second quadrants are." 

"Duh. The two sections at the top.”

Sasuke pauses, studies him for a second, then nods reluctantly. “Huh." 

Naruto grins. “See, I'm not that stupid." 

"The sine being positive means the y-value is positive, which only happens here. Top-half.”

“Oh." Naruto hums lengthily, “So basically, because the sine is greater than zero, it's positive, right? Hey Sasuke, I'm right, right? And that's why it's on the first and second quadrant, because the y is positive, which only happens at the top-half sections, yeah?”

"You just explained what I said earlier." Sasuke says. “But yeah. I'm surprised." 

"I get it now, sweet! You think maybe I should be a mathematician?”

"No.”

"Aw.”

Sasuke points at the drawing again. “The secant is less than zero, which means—”

"What's that—" 

“The secant is reciprocal of the cosine—”

"Huh—the what, reciprocal—”

"It's just one over the cosine. Exactly what it sounds like.”

"Damn it, stop cutting me off!" Naruto exasperates.

“Stop cutting me off. I'm trying to explain. A reciprocal is when you switch the numerators and denominators. In this case, you just switch the cosine and the denominator which is one, so it's just one over cosine.”

“Yeah. Whatever." 

Sasuke’s eye twitches. “Not whatever. If secant is less than zero, that means cosine is negative.”

Naruto blinks at him blankly. “And?”

“So.” Sasuke points his pencil at the diagram again, circling the top left section. “Cosine is negative in the second and third quadrants. But you already know sine is positive, which only happens in the first and second. So the overlap is in the second quadrant because it's the only quadrant that satisfies both conditions. Do you get it?”

“Oh." Naruto replies.

Kind of. He's not sure.

He stares at the page. “...Yeah,” he says slowly, suspiciously. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Sasuke narrows his eyes. “You think you do, or you actually do?”

“I mean—” Naruto leans in, squinting at the little circle. “If sine’s positive and cosine’s negative, and that only happens in the second one... then yeah. It’s the second quadrant. That’s what you said.”

“That’s what I said.”

“So I’m right.”

“You repeated what I said.”

Naruto nods. “Right.” A pause. “But I'm right, no?”

Sasuke exhales through his nose. Naruto stares at him, and back to the textbook again. Maybe it's time he starts thinking that this math thing isn't actually too bad, and maybe Sasuke just needs to unclench and let the stick up his ass fall loose.

“I got it,” he blurts.

Sasuke doesn’t look up. “Barely.”

“But I got it.”

“You got it because I explained it to you.”

“At the end of the day, I still got the answer right.”

“It's not the end of the day, and we have to get to class.” Sasuke gives him a long, empty stare. “...You know this is the easiest question on the page, right?”

Naruto blinks. “You’re lying.”

He’s not.

Naruto turns the page with shaking hands, and the next problem greets him like it was spawned by the devil himself. The next problem begins with, “Given cot θ…”

Huh. Being in the 9th circle of hell would've been easier, he thinks. 

Chapter Text

A day for Naruto serves as a horizon between planning what hand he should use to flip Sasuke off, and what cheesy pick-up line he should use on Sakura the next time she looks at him. 

He settles with the latter. 

“Naruto," It's Sakura, her voice is gentle. "You alright?”

"I would be alright if you tutored me instead of that Sasuke jerk,” Naruto thumps his head against the desk. “You wouldn't call me an idiot every five seconds.”

“Huh, well," Sakura hums, gracing Naruto with a suppressed smile, "I would call you an idiot every ten seconds, if that makes you feel better.”

She's pretty like that—when her lips stretch into something between the boundaries of a smirk and amusement. But in hindsight now that you see it, it's just a normal day for her to look like that. Sakura is always pretty. She never fails to present herself well and as it stands, Naruto isn't above being a boy at the height of his puberty; he's seventeen, not blind. 

He should be focusing. Kakashi’s already told him he’s on thin ice, and Sasuke’s annoyed face waiting at the end of every tutoring session isn’t exactly the light at the end of the tunnel. Still, it’s hard to try and redirect his attention to anything when something even better is sitting across from his desk, Sakura’s right there—with her neat handwriting, brow furrowed, mouth pressed into a little line that means she’s concentrating.

He’s tried to play it cool. Or he thinks, at least. Naruto isn't one to think (Sasuke's words, not his), but subtlety hasn't always been his strongest stat, and judging by the way Sakura sometimes sighs before saying his name, he’s pretty sure she’s aware. Maybe she just thinks it’s funny. Maybe she feels bad for him. Maybe she doesn’t give a single damn about him at all, which would be the worst option and therefore, statistically, definitely the most likely.

Still, Naruto can’t help it. She’s smart, she’s cool, she’s nice to him even when he’s being dumb—which is, by his own admission, most of the time. Or all of the time. Whatever. But the point is made—she’s Sakura. That's all there is to hear to figure it out. She's basically the gold standard of everything he’s ever liked about a person, condensed into one terrifyingly competent girl who smacks him on the back of his head on a daily basis. 

“You're staring." She interrupts.

"Oh—uh, huh, am I?”

“Do I have something in my face?" 

"No—no! Nothing. At all.”

“Are you sure?" 

“... Yeah." Naruto manages to fish out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head meaninglessly. 

Sakura’s staring at him now. Which is bad because all of this just pertains to her perceiving him which is also really bad. Maybe she's catched onto him, maybe she thinks he's just an attention seeker, or worse, she thinks Naruto's one of those guys who takes pictures and videos of themselves in high angles while lipsyncing a song by The Weeknd and acts all mysterious around girls. 

There’s a pause. A pregnant one. Weird phrase, actually. How’d it even get pregnant?

Mercifully, Sakura aborts it before it has time to grow limbs.

“So," she starts, flipping her textbook shut, “how's tutoring with Sasuke?” 

It fucking sucks. Naruto thinks. But he'll never say that out loud because one of his crazy fangirls might be listening while hiding inside the walls of their classroom and he'll end up dead on arrival in the ER due to shit-talking Sasuke Uchiha, so he knows better than to risk it. Although, if you put it in perspective, there's a clear illusion of choice between getting berated by a certain bastard everyday and getting beat up by one or some of his admirers. In the end, all roads will inevitably lead to torture anyway.

“It fucking sucks." 

"Really?” Sakura frowns, "Did you fight or something?" 

“No,” he breathes out, “Nothing literally comes out of his mouth except ‘idiot’ or ‘moron’ or ‘loser’ or ‘dumbass’! That’s it! That’s his whole vocabulary. He talks like a Pokemon.”

Sakura blinks. “A Pokemon?”

“Yeah like, if you caught one and all it said was ‘idiot!’ every time you threw it into battle.”

Sakura presses her lips together, clearly fighting a smile. “You sure you’re not just annoying him on purpose?”

Naruto gasps. “Me? Annoying? Sakura, I’m like… super chill. People tell me that all the time.”

“Literally no one’s ever told you that.”

He pretends not to hear her. “Anyway! There's a test tomorrow, right? If I pass that English test—which I totally will, by the way—then… maybe I could, uh, treat you to ramen or something?”

Sakura blinks. “You’ll treat me?”

“Yeah!” he says, trying to sound casual, which, unsurprisingly fails. “Like, to celebrate or whatever. Nothing weird.”

She tilts her head, still half-smiling, half-surprised. “You’re sure you’ll pass?”

“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Naruto argues. “Back in middle school they called me Shakira’s reincarnation or something, you know.”

"... You mean Shakespeare?" 

“Yeah, yeah, whoever that is." Naruto waves a dismissive hand. “I’ll really make sure to ace that test so… Just in case, keep your calendar open on Friday—”

“Sakura!" 

Both of them turn. Ino’s standing by the door, waving a folder. 

“Do you still have my notes from history?” she asks, marching over across the room. “The ones with the blue sticky tabs—you know, the stuff we bought from the convenience store down the street last week?”

“Wait, yeah,” Sakura says, flipping through her bag. “They’re in here somewhere.”

Naruto sits there, mid-sentence, hand still half-raised in the air staring between the two. He lowers his hand halfway, then raises it again, debating whether to keep talking or take the risk of looking stupid and just pretend that he was stretching the whole time.

Ino eyes him briefly, squinting. “What’s he doing here?”

“Trying to study,” Sakura says, still rummaging.

“Really?” Ino raises a brow, unimpressed. “That’s brave.”

“Hey!” Naruto protests, “I can hear you, you know!”

“Good,” Ino says. “That was the point.”

Sakura finally pulls the notes free and hands them over. “Here.”

Ino takes the notes, flipping through them. “Thanks. Oh, and by the way, you’re still coming with me to the cafeteria, right?”

“Oh, right!” Sakura says, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Yeah, just give me a sec.”

Naruto blinks. “... You’re leaving?”

“Sorry,” Sakura says, already half-standing. “I totally forgot we made plans. But good luck studying, okay? Do your best!” 

She gives him a smile—bright and kind and completely oh my god, Naruto's body will be found dead in a ditch if he keeps staring at her blinding grin—and then she’s gone like that, walking out with Ino. The two start talking about something that makes Sakura laugh, which Naruto hopes isn’t about him. (It totally is.)

The door shuts and all Naruto's met with is silence. He sits back, staring blankly at the door they just left through.

“…Guess I’ll just ask her after class,” he tells himself confidently, despite zero evidence indicating that tomorrow will go any better.

With the way things go, it shouldn't get any worse than what it is.

—

It does get worse than what it is.

“Turn that Weezer off,” Sasuke says flatly, not looking up from his notebook. “And stop crying. You’re going to get your snot all over my English notes.”

“I don’t care,” Naruto mutters, voice thick and uneven, mixing along with the song playing from his phone. He sniffs, wiping at his face with his sleeve. “You don’t get it, Sasuke.”

“I don’t even want to.”

“Sakura,” Naruto starts, like it physically hurts to say her name. “She’s a—oh my god, Sasuke. Oh my fucking god, Sasuke. Fuck you. You don't get it,” He pauses dramatically, face buried in his hands. “Sakura…” A beat of silence—too long, too heavy. Then, in a voice so brash he manages to fish out, “She’s a lesbian!”

Sasuke finally looks up. “...And?”

“And? And!?” Naruto’s voice cracks halfway through. “I asked her out! I actually did it! And then she just smiled—like that smile, you know? So I think it went well, and then—” he gestures vaguely, “—Ino showed up, pulled her away, kissed her, laughed at me and then left! Like she just fucking rubbed it on my face!”

“She's dating Ino?" Sasuke blinks once, expression unreadable. “So she rejected you.”

“No, she didn’t reject me, she just—she’s literally into girls! I can’t compete with that, Sasuke! I’m not… I’m not girl enough!”

There’s a pause. A long one.

“... Wow," Sasuke says finally. “Do you ever think before you speak?" 

"Why do I even have tutoring with you after class?! I thought it was only during lunch!” Naruto slumps back in his chair, exhaling. “And then you throw in some insults like a goddamn Pokémon and—holy shit, Sasuke. Is that the reason why Ino’s so mean to me sometimes? I keep trying to hit on her girlfriend?”

Sasuke looks back down at his notes. “Probably.”

“Oh my god.” Naruto slumps over the desk. “I’m an asshole and an idiot. Just kill me already.”

Sasuke finally closes his notebook. “Are you done?”

“No,” Naruto mutters, sniffling. “and fuck you.”

Sasuke's eye twitches. 

—

“I told you Naruto likes you," Ino grabs her drink and stabs the straw at her drink, “You're too oblivious for your own good, billboard brow." 

Sakura looks up from her tray, mid-bite. “Wait—huh? Naruto likes me?”

Ino freezes, straw halfway to her lips. “...Are you serious right now?”

Sakura mirrors her, freezing mid-bite, chopsticks hovering in the air. “Okay, wait—that’s why you kissed me in front of him?!”

“Why else would I kiss you in front of your hopelessly in-love classmate and childhood friend?”

“... How should I know?! I froze and the next thing I know you dragged me here.”

“He was literally about to ask you out on a date,” Ino deadpans.

Sakura blinks. “...Still.”

“Still what? He’s been in love with you since, like, forever.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Ino looks at her for a long moment. “He literally made a paper mache heart with your name on it for Valentine’s in first year.”

Sakura opens her mouth. Then closes it. Then opens it again. “I thought that was for an art project!”

“Yeah, because he told you it was for an art project! That idiot literally put it in your locker with chocolates!”

Sakura’s ears are pink now, hiding behind her drink as if it’s going to protect her from embarrassment. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah. Oh my god.”

“Why didn't you tell me?!" 

“I did! Like, multiple times,” Ino sighs. “You just never listen.” 

“I thought he was just being himself." Sakura replies, "I thought he was just… I don't know, stupid? Just joking around or something."

“Well, he wasn’t joking,” Ino says flatly. “He looked like someone kicked him in the balls. I actually felt bad for, like, five whole seconds.”

Sakura groans into her hands. “Oh, this is so bad. Oh my god.”

“Mm-hm.”

“So… what do I do? Should I reject him?”

“No,” Ino says dryly. “Just keep leading him on forever. What kind of question is that? Of course you should!”

Sakura thunks her head against the desk, “I guess I'll tell him tomorrow…”

—

Naruto kicks a stray rock in front of him, putting his hands on the back of his head as he exits the school gate, “Why the hell are you following me?" 

“I’m going home." Sasuke replies flatly.

To put it frankly, Sasuke got tired of Naruto's sniffling and decided to call it a day. Screw it. English can wait anyway, heartbreak is a much more important thing to deal with than his barely passing grades—and clearly, Sasuke understands that part of Naruto well. Maybe this is the start of the oath of their sworn companionship of something. 

“You live this way?" 

“My family moved in today." 

“Oh. Okay, cool." 

Fuck. 

What the fuck comes next? How do you even talk to someone who you don't know outside of tutoring (read: calling an idiot every five seconds) and insults you like it's a nine to five shift to clock at? Not once in his life did he ever plan to talk to Sasuke out of all people outside of school, much less attempt to have a casual conversation to disregard the awkwardness in the air.

And yes, it just dawned on Naruto that he barely knows anything about this guy, so why the hell does Sasuke piss him off so much?

So he tries to start something. Naruto kicks another rock again, harder this time. “You think she even knew I liked her?”

Sasuke hums, noncommittal.

“She had to, right? Everyone knew.”

“Why are you talking to me?”

Naruto stares at him like he just said something unfathomable. “What kind of question is that? You’re literally right here.”

Sasuke glares at him. “That doesn’t mean you have to talk to me.”

Naruto frowns. “What, so you just walk in silence all the time? Only weirdos do that.”

“Weirdos talk to people who don't want to talk to them." 

And like he always does, Naruto ignores that comment and sighs, “You don't get it, Sasuke.”

"I don't want to get it anyway." 

Naruto kicks another rock—real hard this time—and watches it roll uselessly into a gutter. “I mean, I’m glad she’s happy, you know?” he says, mostly to himself. “Like, she deserves that. Sakura’s great. Smart, pretty, funny, and smells good—”

“You sound like a creep,” Sasuke interrupts.

“Fuck you,” Naruto shoots back. “Anyway, I’m happy for her. Like, really. So happy. Yay.”

He adds, "Should I say sorry to her tomorrow? I don't have the balls to face her though.

At this point, Sasuke thinks it's futile to get him to shut up.

“I just…” Naruto scratches the back of his head. “I don't know. Now that I think about it, they're always together. She looked really happy with Ino. Like, really happy. She’s always laughing and stuff. You know that laugh she does when she thinks something’s kinda dumb but she still finds it funny?”

“No.”

Naruto stares at him. “You’re the worst person to talk to.”

“Then stop talking.”

“Ugh. But get this, I've liked her since middle school and I waited so long to ask her out and waited like, give or take an hour after class for her because she has to help that stupid transfer student out even though my mom said I should go home early because her old friend is moving in next door, only to find out what? That my five year long crush is gay? And dating someone else? I don't wanna be labeled as a homewrecker, you know.” 

“Nobody would want to imagine you as a homewrecker. That's disgusting." 

"Exactly! You get me, dude. I swear to god, I have a feeling you're like… you get me. You really do.”

“I don't get you. Stop saying that." 

"Understanding each other is a core fundamental of being a human, Sasuke,” Naruto argues, “See? This is why you’re single. Not that I’m one to talk right now, though.”

Sasuke exhales through his nose—and they walk in silence for a few seconds before Naruto, of course, ruins it again.

“Okay, but do you think she even knew I liked her?”

Surprising enough, Sasuke opens his mouth to say something. “Probably not." 

“... You think?" 

“She’s too nice,” Sasuke says after a pause. “It’s distasteful for her to lead you on like that.”

Naruto goes quiet for once.

He knows Sasuke’s not wrong—it’s just weird hearing it out loud, like getting punched by a truth you already knew but kept pretending didn’t exist. Sakura is nice. Too nice. The kind of nice that makes you think you’ve got a chance, even when you don’t. She smiles at you, laughs at your jokes, remembers your favorite brand of instant ramen—and it all feels like maybe, just maybe, she’s looking at you the same way you look at her.

Damn, this is worse than that one time in kindergarten when a kid told him his mom had an outie. 

But still, Naruto blinks. Distasteful? Who the hell talks like that? This guy sounds like he came straight out of a Jane Austen novel.

Naruto grins at him, “Wow, didn't expect you to say something like that—" 

“Sasuke.”

They both look up. A tall guy’s standing at the gate of a house, holding a grocery bag and looking way too familiar.

“You’re heading home?” the guy asks, tilting his head. His tone’s mild, but there’s something knowing about it. “Who’s this?”

Naruto blinks. “Uh—hi?”

Sasuke frowns. “...You’re home early.”

“Didn’t have much to do.” The guy nods toward Naruto. “So? Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Naruto pitches in before Sasuke can say anything. “Friend’s a stretch.”

Sasuke glares at him. “Itachi. My brother.”

Naruto’s jaw drops. “Wait. Brother?! So that's why he looked familiar, you two look the same.”

Itachi—the older guy's name which he apparently just learned right now, smiles at him politely. “And you are?" 

“Naruto,” he says automatically, before his brain catches up with his mouth. “Naruto Uzumaki.”

Itachi hums, putting a folded finger near his chin, seemingly thinking. “Uzumaki? You’re Miss Kushina’s son, right? The one next door?”

Naruto freezes. “...Next door?”

Sasuke freezes too. “...Next door?”