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Needless to say, Sam and Bucky’s story did not start out as a love story. There was no attraction, only survival instincts on Sam’s side and Bucky’s focus on his mission, which was to destroy Sam. So, yeah, the attraction part came later . . . much later.
Later came around when Bucky recovered from his latest Winter Soldier outburst and had his metal arm trapped in a giant vice. It was the illusion that Bucky couldn’t get free that comforted Sam, but he knew better. Although Sam was still bitter about getting his ass kicked repeatedly by this guy, he gained some respect for Bucky when he sounded truly remorseful and scared by his own actions.
Bucky’s respect for Sam started at the same time. How he snarked at Steve instead of accepting Bucky as easily as Steve did. If Bucky was honest with himself (and he was trying really hard to be) he would be on Sam’s side more than Steve’s side if he were the one questioning a former assassin.
So they fell into a report of petty sarcastic quips to each other. Bucky didn’t realize how much he wanted that until he got it - someone to give him shit and take it back in stride. He longed to feel normal again and Sam was the first one who unknowingly did that. So when Sam wasn’t looking Bucky would smile to himself and breath a little easier, then he realised he wanted to be around Sam more and more. Sam was surprised as much as relieved to see that there was just a normal, sarcastic man underneath all the Hydra brainwash and greasy hair.
After the incredibly dramatic (and admittedly unnecessary) showdown between Cap and Ironman, Bucky decided to take T’Challa’s offer and get mental treatment in Wakanda. It was a very attractive offer to Bucky because T’Challa promised top of the line care and have it all be confidential. The other option for him was to go back on ice, but Bucky wanted progress and not to take pause; he had spent enough time running from his problems. It also helped that T’Challa offered both Sam and Steve residence in the same facility Bucky would be staying until they could figure out something with the accords, so at least he wouldn’t be alone.
There was a week of insanity - T'Challa's people running around making sure everything was secure and that Steve, Sam, and Bucky would be hidden and safe. During that week, Bucky had his arm reconstructed, it was lighter and less cumbersome than the monstrosity Hydra gave him. It was still metal and shiny, made with a lightweight aluminum alloy, and Bucky was beyond grateful.
To Bucky’s surprise, Sam visited him more than Steve did. What started out as a once a week appointment, since Sam was trained in dealing with PTSD after all, evolved into twice a week, then they became less like appointments and more like friendly visits. Eventually, Sam was with Bucky more than he was not. They clicked on personal level and Bucky was always eager for Sam to catch him up on the 21st century.
*
“I always pictured the future to have hover cars and androids that you have as glorified maids”, Bucky mused one day, while he and Sam were sitting on a couch in Bucky’s room watching TV.
“Are you disappointed?” Sam asked. He always made sure to ask Bucky’s thoughts and feelings about things without projecting his thoughts first. That was one of the things Bucky learned to like about Sam. In fact, he liked a lot of things about Sam.
“I thought I would be, but no. It’s just not what I expected. Cell phones and computers are great. Although I’m kinda mad at you for showing me Candy Crush. I can’t put the damn game down.” Sam laughed at that, like he laughed at a lot of things Bucky said, which made Bucky want to keep that up forever.
“That is an amateur's game. You need to play Angry Birds.”
“You are an angry bird,” Bucky replied and at that Sam doubled over on the couch with laughter. Bucky joined him soon after. Bucky never expected Sam to be the best therapy, but he knew that he never wanted to give him up.
After Sam regained his breath, he got up from the couch and got two beers from the fridge and returned next to Bucky. Bucky knew this pattern, Sam would get them beers and check in on how Bucky was doing mentally. Even though Bucky recognized this, he never dreaded it, he actually looked forward to confiding in Sam. Sam had a talent for making these moments seem like casual conversation despite the heavy subject matter.
Sam muted the TV and turned to Bucky, “have any nightmares lately?”
Bucky took a long sip and knitted his eyebrows together as he thought about when the last one happened. “Umm, about a week ago? I think that’s when I had one last.”
“Oh wow, that’s huge, Buck,” Sam smiled, making Bucky follow suit.
“Yeah. It’s been so relieving not waking up terrified and thinking I’m in that goddamn chair.”
Sam reached out and squeezed Bucky’s right shoulder, “I can imagine. I hope you know that this is huge progress.”
“I do. I just wanna take it one day at a time.”
“That’s the best way to do it,” Sam said and slipped his hand off Bucky’s shoulder. Before Sam leaned all the way back again, Bucky grabbed his wrist and held it.
“I couldn’t have done this without you. It would’ve been near impossible,” Bucky admitted. He was staring down at the space between them with his hand still firm around Sam’s wrist.
Sam brought his free hand up and gripped the side of Bucky’s neck, making him look up.
“I have no doubt that you could’ve done this without me. It’s amazing how far you’ve come with what you’ve been through,” Sam quietly assured.
“I feel weak a lot of the time,” Bucky whispered.
Sam moved his hand to bury it in Bucky’s hair, “It’s perfectly okay to feel weak, you’re allowed. You are safe here, feel as much as you want.”
Bucky leaned forward and Sam caught him in a tight hug, circling his arms around Bucky’s shoulders as Bucky’s went around Sam’s waist. “Thank you,” Bucky muffled into Sam’s neck.
They breathed deep together, calming and content - Sam learning that Bucky smelled like pine trees and crisp winter air, and Bucky caught the deep woodsy scent of Sam. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that, but it must have been awhile because when they pulled apart their limbs were stiff from sitting in an awkward position.
Sam later realized that Bucky had been just as good for him as he was for Bucky; they were helping each other heal from things done wrong to them.
*
They became closer and closer and soon were inseparable. What started out as an animosity developed into a strong friendship that was deeply rooted in respect and love for each other. Over time that friendship started to become more intimate, where sarcastic jokes turned into flirtation and their casual touches started to linger and mean more.
When Bucky came up to Sam, more often than not he would reach out and absently scratch up and down Sam’s back. In return Sam liked to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear and trail his fingers down Bucky’s jaw and pinch his chin slightly, all the while having a fond smile on his lips.
Sam began to notice how Bucky liked to push up his sleeves to reveal tan skin and how delicately he could handle things with both his flesh hand and metal hand. Sam found himself mesmerized by Bucky’s grace a lot of the time. He started to take mental notes of things he found attractive about Bucky, and really Sam didn’t think he would ever reach an end to his list. The most captivating thing about Bucky were his blue-grey eyes that spoke volumes in silence and how when he smiled showing all his teeth, it took Sam’s breath away.
What caught Bucky’s attention about Sam first was the way he carried himself - always so self assured and confident, and his broad shoulders were easy to look at too. But what quickly became Bucky’s favorite thing about Sam was his laugh, it was always genuine and contagious and made his eyes light up.
A little while after the newness of their growing attraction to each other settled into something of a routine; life seemed to become easier. Bucky progressed incredibly and Sam was finally able to let go of the pain and guilt of Riley and move on, focusing more on the good memories they had.
*
One day while Sam was busy making stir-fry for dinner, Bucky came up and rested his chin on Sam’s shoulder, just wanting to be close.
“Smells amazing, Sammy,” Bucky said.
“My mom showed me, I always loved when she taught me how to cook new things. It was our bonding time,” Sam replied and Bucky hummed in response. Close to his family - Bucky mentally added that to the long list of things that made Sam attractive.
“Did Steve tell you about our meeting with Secretary Ross?”
“He didn’t mention anything while we were in the gym, why?” Bucky asked. He already knew he probably wasn’t going to like this.
“That jerk said he would tell you, anyway, we have to fly out tomorrow and meet him in Vienna to discuss ‘contingencies’ or whatever.” Sam heard Bucky’s breathing go quiet and focused harder on the stir-fry.
“How long will you be gone?” Bucky tentatively asked.
Sam took a deep breath, “one week”. Sam heard the metal plates of Bucky’s arm shift and that was a tell tale sign of stress for Bucky and Sam swallowed hard. He knew he should’ve told Bucky right away.
The best thing Sam could think to say at that moment was, “food’s done, go sit and I’ll fix your plate.” Bucky silently drifted away from Sam and sat in his usual seat at the dining table. A minute later Sam joined him in the adjacent seat, always making sure their knees were in contact.
Bucky broke his silence after a few minutes, “this will be the first you’ll be gone since we got here.”
Sam met Bucky’s eyes, “I know. But it’s one week and hopefully we don’t have to do it again.”
“Yeah it’s a whole week of you being gone so suddenly when I’ve seen you everyday for the past seven months.” Bucky knew we was starting to sound petty, but this was a big deal to him.
“I know, Buck. I’m sorry to tell you on such short notice. It’ll give you time for yourself, could be really good for you,” Sam suggested. Bucky thoughtfully chewed for a minute, thinking this could be good for him but still not liking it.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Bucky admitted quietly.
Sam offered his hand to Bucky, which he took immediately. “I’m gonna miss you too.” They spent the rest of the meal eating in comfortable silence, hands laced together. “Wanna play Super Smash? I’m in the mood to kick your ass,” Sam said with a smile.
“It’s not fair that you always pick Pit, just because he has wings…” Bucky argued.
“AND because he’s the best and you know it.” Sam picked up the plates, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher quickly and joined Bucky on the couch.
While the game was loading Bucky looked at Sam, open and earnest, “Thank you for dinner, Sammy.”
“You're welcome, Jamie,” Sam said and met Bucky’s eyes and let himself look for a few moments. Then as if a magnetic pull was between them, Sam leaned into Bucky and pressed a kiss onto the corner of Bucky’s mouth. Bucky’s breath hitched minutely - so ready for this to finally go to the next level, but he pulled back and looked at Sam with a wry smile.
“Let’s- wait on this. Because if we start this now, I’m definitely not letting you go,” Bucky said.
“Now this week is going to go by so slow,” Sam lamented.
“Patience, babe. We will be rewarded.”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s get to the ass kicking.” Bucky laughed out loud at that and Sam committed it to memory. Two things would get him through the upcoming week: Bucky’s laugh and the promise of what’s to come.