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Being in Wakanda for a week without Sam, Steve or even T’Challa around was hard and lonely. Although it give Bucky time to reflect and think about where his life was heading. He mostly thought about Sam and how Sam kissed him last week - not quite on the lips, more like asking permission and making a promise altogether. Bucky wanted everything Sam had to give, but he thought it would make this week easier if they waited until Sam got back to do anything. It didn’t, and Bucky knew he would miss Sam just as much.
*
“So have we come to an agreement, gentlemen?” Secretary Ross asked pointedly at Tony and Steve.
“The Avengers will be a free agency?” Steve sounded skeptical.
“A supervised free agency, but when disaster strikes no one will hold you back. But there will be consequences if the UN feels you are abusing your freedom.”
Tony jumped up before Steve could react and was shaking Ross’ hand, “Understood. Glad we came to an agreement. See you soon, Secretary.”
“Not too soon, Tony. For your sake.”
“Of course,” Tony replied with a relieved smile. Ross left the room and Tony turned to Steve. “Cap, you good?”
Steve sat quiet for a moment, took a breath and nodded, “yeah, I’m good. I’m just glad we aren’t fighting each other and can focus on what’s more important.”
“Good to have you back, boy scout,” Tony said fondly. Steve just shook his head but had a slight smile on his lips.
“I almost forgot! Steve, Sam I want to show you something. Follow me.”
Sam and Steve followed Tony out of conference room that the Avengers met with Secretary Ross and went into a smaller office.
Tony walked up to a small silver suitcase and opened it, taking out one of ten small vials. He turned to Sam and Steve but still looking at the vial, “I’m working on this new compound, it’s a way to share consciousness with someone.”
“Here we go with mad scientist Tony again,” Sam noted.
“Samuel, sure it can be mad science, but think about the possibilities of this. Theoretically you could be on the other side of globe from someone but be connected in such a way to hear the other person thinking. To feel their feelings.” Tony had a smile on his lips, but sadness bled through.
Sam swallowed hard and immediately thought about what Bucky was doing, what he was feeling right now. He started to long for something that was impossible five minutes ago.
“Is this safe, Tony?” Steve asked, not hiding the doubt in his voice.
“Of course, but it is still in the trial phase. This is where you two come in.” If it was possible Steve looked more skeptical, but Sam, all of a sudden, felt very inclined to help Tony. “I have T’Challa’s permission. Would you take two samples back to Wakanda with you and give them to my people in the lab over there? I want them to tinker with it and see what they find.”
“Yeah, we’ll do that,” Sam answered a little too quickly.
Tony put the two vials in a smaller box and handed it to Steve. “At least this isn’t a humanity-hating robot.”
“Funny, Rogers,” Tony snarked. Steve’s mouth quirked up in a small smile and Sam suddenly felt like he stepped into a private moment. He would never understand Steve and Tony’s relationship.
*
The week was over and Bucky was so ready to have Sam and Steve back. T’Challa had come back a day early because he was called to take care of some king business. T’Challa checked in with Bucky first thing, and that made Bucky feel like finally people cared for him instead of being scared of him.
Bucky was woken up to the security system alerting him that someone was at the door. He didn’t bother asking who it was, he just jumped out of bed and rushed to the door. On the other side stood Sam wearing a shy smile, but as soon as he saw Bucky’s huge grin, his face almost split with how big his smile grew. Bucky launched himself at Sam and Sam caught him stumbling a few steps backwards into the hallway.
They squeezed each other tight and just breathed in each other’s scents for a minute. A thought occurred to Bucky: this is where home is, in Sam’s arms and that didn’t scare him in the least. The way Sam sighed and buried his face in Bucky’s neck and hair made Bucky confident they were on the same page.
“So good to be back,” Sam breathed.
“So good to have you back, couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Bucky whispered back.
Sam pulled back and held onto Bucky’s upper arms, “Let’s go inside.” Bucky nodded and let himself be pulled in by the hand. Sam walked Bucky over to the couch and sat down with him, sitting so he could face Bucky. Sam leaned his elbow on the back on the couch and rested his cheek on his hand. He took a moment to take Bucky in, sitting cross legged, hair messy in a bun, and wearing only soft sleep pants; he was breath taking.
Bucky ducked his head and blushed under Sam’s watchful eyes but smiled in spite of himself. Sam reached out and trailed his fingers absently up and down Bucky’s arm. “How was your week?”
“Pretty good, hardly noticed you were gone,” Bucky said sarcastically, although the look in his eyes and the way he drew patterns on Sam’s knee betrayed him.
“I could leave then,” Sam smirked. Bucky met Sam’s eyes and lifted an eyebrow, challenging. Before Sam could react, Bucky slid his right hand up Sam’s arm and held the back of his head, pulling him forward into a gentle kiss; their first kiss. It started out with subtle pecks and gentle touches then evolved into something more intimate. Sam tugged on Bucky’s bare sides until he was sitting between Sam’s legs. Then Bucky had both his legs and arms wrapped around Sam, hands roaming, exploring every inch of Sam’s back, and Bucky got the same treatment.
They paused their makeout session to catch their breath and rested their foreheads against each other. “I lied, I actually missed you so fucking much,” Bucky confessed.
Sam laughed softly, “I missed you so fucking much too, Jamie.”
Bucky sat back so they could look at each other, but he was still in Sam’s lap stroking his hands up and down his back and shoulders. “So anything exciting happen with Secretary Ross?”
“Nothing too much, we modified the accords so that the Avengers have free range to go out whenever they feel like it and not be held back by the UN.” Bucky nodded thoughtfully, thinking that was probably the best middle ground.
“Steve wants you to join the Avengers. Once you’re ready,” Sam said, watching for Bucky’s reaction. Bucky didn’t give away much, just pursed his lips and looked down for a few seconds.
“I hope you don’t feel pressure to jump right back onto the battlefield. Especially not from me. You can say no.”
“I want to help people, it’ll just take me awhile,” Bucky admitted.
“That’s totally okay, Jamie.” They quietly sat on the couch for a few more minutes and then stood up, “you hungry? I’ll make something for lunch.”
*
Sam stayed with Bucky all day, not even thinking of leaving. Usually when night came, Sam made his way back to his room, not wanting to make assumptions and give Bucky his space. Tonight was different, since finally they took that next step forward.
When the movie they were watching ended, Bucky picked his head up from Sam’s shoulder and turned Sam’s head to kiss him; he was allowed now and he was going to take advantage. Sam had no complaints, he just melted into Bucky’s kiss and touch.
Bucky pulled back and breathed, “Stay with me tonight, Sammy.”
Sam only nodded slightly, knowing that Bucky already had a spell cast on him and now would agree to almost anything.
“We don’t have to, uh, do anything. I just want you with me.”
“Anything you want, baby,” Sam said quietly and Bucky crushed him into a hug. Soon after they made their way to Bucky’s bed and settled in. Sam laid on his back so that Bucky could rest his head on Sam’s shoulder and throw an arm tight around his waist. They fell asleep like that, breathing together, finally where they wanted to be.
*
The next day Sam made his way to the lab while Steve and Bucky were in the gym. He couldn’t let his curiosity go unsatisfied for one more moment.
He walked up to Helen Cho, the only one he knew in the whole lab, “Hey, how’s Tony’s experiment going?”
Dr. Cho smiled at him, “making good progress, although it’s hard to tell the effects without subjects to try it with.” Sam didn’t say anything just quirked an eyebrow and smiled a little more. “Hmmm, Mr. Wilson, are you interested in being the test subject? I don’t think Steve would like that too much.”
“We can keep in on the down low,” Sam said.
“Lying to Captain America, himself? I thought you were better than that,” Dr. Cho chided.
“Wouldn’t be the last time.”
“Well, we need two subjects, so we can see if consciousness is being shared.”
“I know someone,” Sam said mysteriously, Dr. Cho just nodded and made him come back with the other subject.
That is how Bucky found himself in the lab with Sam and Dr. Cho later that day.
“Alright guys, you both passed the preliminary tests and we are given the okay from Stark. He sounded almost too excited that you guys volunteered. He did say that the subjects have to know each other fairly well in order for this to work.”
“We know each other pretty well,” Sam answered and smoothed a hand down Bucky’s tense back.
“Okay, I will use the lowest possible dose. Once it’s in the blood stream it’ll take several hours to take effect. I would probably say by tomorrow morning you should see if anything’s happened.” Then Dr. Cho injected the serum into Sam and Bucky’s arms and had them stay in the lab for the next 20 minutes to monitor them, then they were free to go.
Sam stayed the night with Bucky again, liking the idea of Bucky’s bed becoming his too.
As they lay there lazily kissing and learning each other’s bodies, Bucky asked, “So what is this serum supposed to do exactly?”
Sam brushed hair out of Bucky’s eyes, “Stark said, theoretically we are supposed to share consciousness and will be able to know what the other is thinking and feeling.”
“Are you ready to see what’s inside my head?” Bucky sounded ashamed, but Sam wouldn’t have that.
“Yeah I am,” Sam answered quietly. Sam’s confidence and lack of hesitation made Bucky’s heart swell.
“I think I would only do this with you. You’ve become very important to me, Sammy.” Sam kissed him soundly in response and hoped that Bucky knew he felt the same. Come morning, Bucky would know just how important he is to Sam.
*
When Sam woke up the next morning, he felt strange. He felt . . . heavier, not like something heavy was on top of him, but his whole body felt heavier. He opened his eyes and saw that he was in Bucky’s room, so that hadn’t changed. Then he turned his head to see- himself. Sam blinked hard a couple of times because he was seeing his body and not Bucky’s body. He did his best to stay calm and try to access the situation before Bucky woke up, because he knew if Bucky woke up in a different body, even if it is Sam’s, it could set him back drastically.
He lifted the right arm of (not) his body- white, definitely not himself. Then he did the same with the left arm, already expecting the metal arm that he now controlled. He marveled at the metal arm, finding it incredible that it was just as mobile as the flesh one. He lifted both hands to his head, stroking through long brown hair that was Bucky’s. So, the conclusion that Sam came up with was Tony’s serum switched their bodies and now Bucky was in his body. This was going to be interesting.
Sam wanted to ease Bucky into this, thanking God that he woke up first. He slipped out of his side of the bed and went to the other side so he could slide up behind Bucky, hoping he wouldn’t see the change right away. Sam slid his arm around Bucky, which was strange because he felt like he was spooning himself, and gently stroked up and down Bucky’s arms to wake him.
Bucky stirred and shifted against Sam, then hummed so Sam knew he was awake.
“Buck? You awake?” Sam whispered hoping Bucky didn’t recognize his own voice. Bucky just hummed again and pushed back against Sam more. “The serum worked, but not how it was supposed to.”
“Sammy? Your voice is different. My voice is different,” Bucky noted and Sam cursed, might as well get this over with.
“Jamie, turnover,” Sam requested and took a deep breath, hoping Bucky wouldn’t freak out.
When Bucky turned in Sam’s arms and saw his body, his eyebrows furrowed tightly. “What the fuck?”
“I think our bodies got switched?” Sam provided dumbly.
Bucky rolled onto his back and dragged one hand down his face, “goddammit, Tony”. Then he fully sat up and looked his arms and legs, which were really Sam’s arms and legs. “Well at least I don’t have a metal arm right now, which is cool. And I get to be the most attractive man I know for however long this lasts.”
Sam let out a relieved breath and laughed at Bucky, at least he is taking this well. He sat up and leaned into Bucky, wrapping the metal arm around his waist. “Thanks, babe. But I think I win for being the most attractive now. The metal arm is pretty sexy you know.”
Bucky turned his head to kiss Sam then pulled back quickly scrunching his nose. “I feel like I’m kissing myself, this is beyond weird.”
“Yeah, let’s hold off on that,” Sam agreed.
“We gotta tell Steve,” Bucky said.
“Oh shit, my whole point was to not tell Steve we agreed to this at all.”
“You’re on your own on this one, I’ll just say you manipulated me,” Bucky teased.
“I hate you.”
“I know.”
*
“You what?!” Steve yelled, making both Sam and Bucky wince.
“We agreed, or I volunteered Bucky and I to be subjects for Tony’s consciousness serum,” Sam explained. “But instead of just sharing thoughts, our whole consciousness must have switched into each others bodies.”
“Well good thing we are in a secure facility. You got yourselves into this mess, you can get yourselves out,” Steve said and made his way to leave.
“Steve, wait!” Bucky called out. “Please, you have to help us.”
“How do you suppose I do that? I don’t know anything about the serum.” Steve stood with his arms crossed and his trademark look of disapproval.
“Well Tony made it, he might have an antidote. Tell him what happened and have him send it or tell Dr. Cho how to make it. You have the most influence over him,” Bucky said. Sam was impressed with Bucky’s logic and knew that Steve wouldn’t leave them hung out to dry completely.
“Fine,” was all Steve said and turned on his heel and left.
“Now we just sit and wait?” Bucky asked Sam.
“Looks that way. But in the meantime, I wanna crush stuff with this metal arm,” Sam smiled.
“You’re a child.”
“But I’m your child,” Sam winked then frowned at what he said.
Bucky started making his way out the room, “good job making that weird!”
*
Later in the day Steve told them that Tony sent the recipe for the antidote to Dr. Cho for her to make, but it would take 24 hours until it could be used. Until then Sam and Bucky were stuck in each other’s bodies.
It wasn’t all that bad, the strangest thing was watching their own bodies from an outside perspective. Sam couldn’t gauge the strength of the metal arm and broke various things in Bucky’s room; after the seventh thing broken, Bucky banned Sam from using his left arm at all. To Sam’s amusement, Bucky thought he suddenly inherited all of Sam’s traits and tried dancing to some of Sam’s favorite hip hop songs. Sam laughed his ass off watching Bucky try and fail miserably to dance, just because he had Sam’s body didn’t mean he had Sam’s rhythm.
When they went to bed that night they were looking forward to having their own bodies back, because even though they grew to love the bodies the possessed right then, they wanted to go back and see each other again.
They fell asleep soundly in each other’s arms, but that didn’t last long. It was Sam who woke up in a cold sweat and screaming first. Images of being strapped to a chair and his whole body being shocked into submission. He killed someone in his nightmare and didn’t have control. Before, Sam appreciated Bucky’s pain, but now he experienced it, which was way worse.
Sam took a few moments to catch his breath and make sure he was in a safe place. He then turned to Bucky who was visibly sweating and breathing hard. He gently touched the cool metal hand to Bucky’s forehead. It took a few moments, but Bucky eventually opened his eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling. The first thing out of Bucky’s mouth was a broken, “Riley”. He let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, making tears leak out and slide down his face.
Sam knew they weren’t going to sleep anymore that night, so he got up and gently tugged Bucky out of bed and they went and sat on the couch in the living room. Sam made coffee for them and wrapped a blanket tight around him and Bucky. Together they sipped cup after cup of coffee and watched the sun rise.
Neither of them said a word, the pain of each other’s memories pierced through their own consciousness. They both recognized this as a moment they couldn’t turn back from; now they were more entangled with other than they ever thought possible.
*
When they took the antidote the next day, Dr. Cho wanted Sam and Bucky to stay in the lab until she knew it worked. It took a matter of hours to take effect, and they were both put under a sedative to avoid confusion when switching back. Steve patiently waited by their bedsides, concerned for his friends and feeling the tension between them.
Around 10 p.m. they both woke up and took a few moments to blink away the bright lights.
Steve stood up and leaned over one then the other, “Bucky? Sam? Are you back to normal?”
The first thing they both did was look to their left arm, Sam saw dark flesh and Bucky saw shiny metal. They turned to look at each other and when they saw that they were in their own bodies again, shared a tired smile. Sam reached his right hand out and Bucky immediately took it in his left. “It worked,” Sam said to Steve but keep his eyes on Bucky.
Steve sighed in relief, “Thank God, I’ll go tell Dr. Cho and Tony”. Right before Steve left the room he turned and looked at Sam and Bucky, still gazing at each other with complicated looks on their faces and thumbs stroking each other’s hands. He was starting to think there was something deeper than friendship there, but he’d worry about that later.
When Steve left, Bucky tugged on Sam’s hand, insistent. “Come here.”
Sam got up and squeezed onto Bucky’s bed beside him so they were laying face to face and clasper both their hands together in between them.
“We had each other’s nightmares,” Sam said softly. Bucky shut his eyes tight for a few seconds and jerkily nodded his head. “Are you okay?” Sam reached up with one hand and ran it through Bucky’s hair.
“I should be asking you that. Were you in the chair?” Bucky asked, though he knew already.
“Yeah,” Sam answered. Bucky closed his eyes again, this time tears flowed and he began to shake. Sam just pulled him in tightly against his chest and rubbed his back.
“Shh, it’s alright, Jamie. I’m okay. We’re okay,” Sam reassured while he tried his hardest to not let Bucky hear that he was crying too. “I’m here, baby, not going anywhere.”
Bucky exhausted himself into sleeping again. Sam’s heart clenched tighter than ever; he knew Bucky came to terms with what Hydra did to him, but having Sam experience that pain was something new entirely he wasn’t prepared for. Sam understood that their pain was similar; the feeling of being helpless in two different ways. Sam cried himself to sleep, thinking that this was his fault, he was the cause of Bucky’s pain this time and that was the last thing he wanted.