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God, she’s pretty. Beautiful in a way that makes my heart pound. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting her to be stunning. Probably because up until a few hours ago, I didn’t want to think about the fact that she wasn’t a teenager.
She definitely wasn’t.
With her dark, wild, curly hair and bright eyes. Little did she know, I like how indignant she is. But she needs to get with the program. Nothing would make this scum feel more like scum than Maya being with me. Making people weep is my specialty.
“That you were in a relationship. And I was devastated. But I asked, if your boyfriend was ever foolish enough to let you go, that you let me know, because I’d come knock at your door. And I’m grateful that you did, love.” I lay it on thick, placing my hand over my heart.
Love.
As if I would ever be worthy of that.
I pay no attention to douchebag number one who’s speaking. I don’t want to take my eyes off Maya, anyway.
“It was just a, um, text. You didn’t need to come here.”
Oh, Maya. Maya, Maya, Maya. You’re making this too fun.
“It was my chance. Plus, I was in the area.”
Not a complete lie. The flight from Kilkenny wasn’t even a full hour. Sitting there and thinking about how sad she sounded as she sniffled was making me more than a little crazy.
“For work?” The boy, whose name I’ve forgotten and don’t care about, asked.
Ah, good. He’s jealous. Unsurprising given the look of him. I have no idea why Maya was even wasting her time.
“I was in Ireland for a private matter. My family has an estate there, and my presence was required.”
“Is everything all right?”
I nearly roll my eyes. Great. Now the other one is speaking. What a pile of shite. Clearly they were oblivious to the way they were hurting their supposed friend. I decide not to mince my words, unbothered by their reaction. My father is one with the devil. I’ll celebrate when he dies.
I need to wrap it up. I’m only here for Maya.
“I’m going to my hotel now. But I’ll be around. For however long you’d like me to be.”
The blush on her cheeks was beautiful. The deep, dark red was a stark contrast to her eyes and hair. She was a vision.
“Thank you.”
I decide to take it one step further, bending to kiss her cheek. What I wasn’t expecting is the way my lips burned as I pulled away. What the fuck was that about? Maybe it was some new-fangled skincare she was wearing that I’m having a reaction to. I whisper into the shell of her ear, lingering.
“Just one more second. Don’t forget to breathe, Maya.”
She closes her eyes, and when she reopens them, fury is dancing behind the blue of her irises. It’s stunning.
“Actually. There’s no reason for you to leave. Why don’t you just spend the night?”
Good girl.
Taking in her surroundings, I decide then and there that her bed was made for ants. In a lot of ways, this is the most fun I’ve had in ages. The way she bites into the heel of her hand to stop herself from laughing out loud has me shaking with silent amusement just as much. But then—
I place my finger over my lips, pointing to the door. Eavesdroppers. Let’s give them something to talk about. I move, gently boxing her into the door. This is Eli’s sister, after all. I need to be careful. She doesn’t understand why I’m making the door shake with my palms until her blue eyes widen when I pick up the pace.
Oh my god, she mouths.
Yes, I smile back. A real fucking smile. I can’t let the Scots know I’m having fun in Edinburgh. They’d never let me live it down. I raise my brow as her eejit friends begin to whisper, slamming their own door and push the door a final time before stepping away.
She doesn’t seem upset, just confused. Which—fair enough.
“Are you out of your mind?”
I wondered the same thing on the plane. The hallway is silent, so I take in her room instead. Her tiny bed and four walls that feel like they’re closing in. It’s a small room. She asked you a question.
“Probably. But that’s unrelated to my presence here.”
“I cannot believe you came. I haven’t seen you in…?”
I wasn’t sure either. Hell, I could barely remember the last time I saw my dentist.
“Yeah, I tried to figure it out on the plane. I think Eli invited me to your high school graduation.”
“Oh. Did you go?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
I’ve always been an honest person. Why stop now? “I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than go to the graduation of some teenager I barely know.”
She laughs the first real laugh I’ve heard in a long time, and I don’t even try to hide my amusement. I can’t bear to look at her too long, opting to continue my perusal of her small desk, covered in Post-it notes. One is a reminder for birth control, and I cannot understand the feeling flaring in my chest.
Not a child.
“Told you. Not thirteen.”
I need to remember this is Eli’s sister. Boundaries. It didn’t matter that the molecules of my life rearranged themselves at the sound of her voice.
“Still not sure about that.”
“I’m an adult. I go to school in a different country. I have a credit card. I own sex toys.”
The moment she opens her drawer and I look down, I regret it. Thinking about sex in the same context as Maya Killgore is wrong.
“Not thirteen.”
“Is this creepy? That you’re here, I mean.”
No, but it should.
“The fact that I’m in your room? A little, yeah. In my defense, though, that was your call. Not part of my plan.”
“What was your plan?”
Unclear, but hearing you cry was oddly unbearable.
“Mostly, deferring to you.”
“Really? Because you kinda took charge with the whole fake-relationship thing.”
I flinch. She was right, and I’m starting to regret it because she’s funny, and oddly alluring in a way I don’t usually feel for a woman. “Yeah. That was… impulsive. And pure fucking spite. Those two were Velcroed together from the second I got here. They had no idea where you were, or why you were out this late. They were not worried that you weren’t answering your phone. And then I saw your face when you came in, and…” I could still see it now. Her red eyes and blotchy cheeks. The emotion she was giving to people who didn’t deserve it. The darkness unfurling in my chest was proof that it pissed me off. “You know, I may have anger issues, too.”
She laughs again. The sound of it does something to my gut.
“You don’t say.”
Focus. This is the reason you’re here.
“But now that your friends—and I use the term loosely—think that there is someone else in your life, you have options.”
“Such as?”
“If you need a break from them, you could spend the next few nights at my hotel. I’m leaving tomorrow morning, so the room would be all yours. But they won’t know that.”
I booked extra time on purpose. She deserved space to breathe. There was a Texas Longhorns postcard on her wall. I don’t know why I’m prodding for information I don’t deserve to know.
“Why did you move to Scotland for college anyway?”
“Same reason you moved to the U.S., probably.”
Doubtful.
“You were a rower and got recruited by an Ivy?”
She laughed again. I want to record it to listen to the next time I’m pissed off. It’s a nice sound. Soothing. Good.
“No. To escape my annoying family.”
“Ah.”
I stare at her minuscule bed again, thinking of Eli. Does he know her mattress is the size parents give to toddlers? I would buy her a better one, but the room was too small for anything else.
Her voice is cold when she speaks next. Not at all happy. “Fair warning. I never put out the first time someone flies in from another country to save me from my terrible life choices.”
What? She must sense my confusion.
“The way you were ogling my bed, I figured that maybe you were… wondering.”
What the fuck?
I scoff. I would never go there with her. She’s Eli’s sister. I’m too old. Too dark and fucked up. Too angry. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted to know her secrets after less than an hour together. “I was wondering. But only whether the second part of your bed pulls out.”
“The what?”
“You really sleep there? Every night?”
She can’t be serious. Her frown says otherwise.
“Yeah. Why are you looking at it like that?”
“Just admiring its unique…narrowness. One would figure that not having a headboard would buy you some room, and yet.”
“Now listen, Mr. Billionaire.”
She really was funny. I wouldn’t want to be one anyway.
I snort. “Not a billionaire. Not even on the best trading day. Not even close.”
“Aww. I like that.”
“That I have less money than you think?”
“No, that you took the word billionaire as the insult it was meant to be.”
I smile again. There was a free spot at the foot of her bed, so I point to it. “Okay if I take that spot?”
Her brows furrowed. “For what?”
“To spend the night.” She doesn’t move or blink, so I take that as a yes. It would have to do. There was nowhere else in this little room. “I’ll stay a couple of hours. Then noisily sneak out. You have a Ring camera, right?”
I think I saw one when I came in.
“Yeah?”
I close my eyes, tilting my head back. If I pretend, it’s comfortable. “I’ll make sure to look disheveled, then.”
Another sound comes out of her that seems to be tattooing itself to my brain. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“You couldn’t be bothered to come to my high school graduation, and now you’re here.”
Maya crying on the phone hours ago was echoing through my mind. It beckoned me.
“You didn’t need me at your graduation.”
“That’s not what I meant. I…Why did you come, Conor?”
Conor. I like that more than I should. She doesn’t understand, and I make it a point not to open up to people, but Maya deserves that. I hardly understand it myself.
“Because I’ve been there.”
She frowns. It looks wrong on her face. “Where?”
“Staying friends with an ex. Watching them move on too quickly. My ex was classy about it, the transition was smooth, but it still sucked. Yours isn’t bothering with any of that, so I figured you might want external support.”
That was diplomatic enough. Maya probably knows who I’m talking about, given her chatty brother. I don’t particularly want to talk about it, but I will if that’s what she wants. Better than talking about her sex drawer. Instead, she says the unexpected.
“You know, this might be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Yeah, right.
I snort. “It’s not.”
She’s scowling at me, and it takes everything I have not to smile at it.
“Maybe it is. You don’t know that.”
What’s she on about?
“Maya, your brother changed the trajectory of his life to take care of you.”
“Good point.” She looks pained. “Still, sometimes I wonder if he hates me.
What?
“Every choice Eli has made in the last decade was with your well-being in mind.”
“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate me.”
Sugar coating wasn’t my style, so I won’t.
“He had to rebuild his life for you, and I’m certain that comes with a healthy dose of resentment. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you more than anything in the world.”
Maya seems beat up. Lost. A stray curl falls over her face. I want to fix it for her. Reassure her that it’s okay if she doesn’t know what she’s doing at the age of twenty-three. Most people didn’t.
“I should call him more often. When I was home for the summer, I actually had fun hanging out with him. I just…Sometimes I’m embarassed about how badly I used to act out.”
She needs to cut herself some slack.
“You were a genius-level-IQ girl who lost her parents suddenly and traumatically. Believe me, he doesn’t blame you for any of it.”
She looks confused.
“How do you even know about my IQ?”
“You’re finishing a physics degree with honors at twenty and have been accepted to half a million graduate programs with full funding, I inferred.”
“Okay, well, you also knew about the Isle of Harris vacation. Did you infer that?”
Cheeky.
“Sadly, that does enter creepy territory.”
She smirks at me. “You stalked my Instagram, didn’t you?”
My eyes narrow. Not that creepy. “I am an adult man.”
She giggles, and I hand her my phone, showing the group chat with Eli, Sul, Minami, and me.
“I didn’t know people your age had group chats.”
I check my smirk. “Do fuck off, Maya.”
Her smile wanes the longer she looks through the text thread. By the end, her chin wobbles. That’s not what I meant to happen.
“He clearly…keeps track of my stuff.”
“He’s proud of you. More than anything he’s achieved on his own, I’d hazard.”
I wonder if she notices I don’t respond.
“Let me guess. You roll your eyes whenever I’m mentioned.”
She definitely noticed. Still, she’s incorrect.
“I do not.”
“Really?”
I want her to laugh again, and for her damn chin to stop quivering.
“I’m very good at skim reading.”
She does. Good. Her laughter is calming and genuine.
“Is Eli really proud of me?”
“Very.”
Mother fucker. She looks like she might cry again. I’m bad for her.
“Maybe I should invite him to my college graduation.”
My head snaps back. “You haven’t?”
“No. I just didn’t think he would…” Her brows furrow again. “Could you please not tell Eli?”
She could be referring to a lot of things.”
“That you’re considering inviting him to your graduation?”
“No. That I’m in trouble.”
I huff. She has no idea. “You’re not in trouble, Maya. You are trouble.”
Something I need to remember, especially given the way she’s smiling.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“Three brothers. Why?”
“Older?”
“All younger.”
“Is that why you don’t get along with your dad? Did he unload all his hopes and dreams onto you because you’re the eldest?”
It feels natural to talk to her when it should be wrong. Normally, I don’t talk to anyone about my personal life. But Maya…there’s something about her. I want more.
“Finneas Harkness doesn’t do hopes or dreams.”
“What does he do?”
A dark cloud lodges itself in my brain.
“Coercion and manipulation.”
She seems to come to some sort of conclusion on her own, staring at me.
“Tomorrow, before you leave Scotland, can I buy you breakfast?”
My brow lifts on its own. She wants me to stay? I shouldn’t be as intrigued by that as I am, or by the way she’s biting back her smile, like she’s afraid of hurting my ego.
“I have a job. I wouldn’t be buying you breakfast with my brother’s money, which comes from a pot that’s so suspiciously similar to yours, you would basically be paying for your own meal.”
I readjust myself against the wall. Boundaries. I shouldn’t want to stay. “There’s no need.”
I should have known she would be stubborn.
“I know there’s no need. I still want to thank you for coming to make sure I’m all right.”
She was his best friend’s little sister, and she was crying whilst said best friend was unable to do anything. It was more than that, though. Something about hearing Maya cry hurt Conor.
“I did it for Eli. Can’t let my best worker slack off because of a family emergency.”
“Uh-huh, sure. I know a good place. What’s your cell phone number? Your call was ‘Unknown’.”
Mayday.
“My number? That’s a big ask, Maya.”
“I won’t abuse it. Won’t send unsolicited nudes.”
Jesus.
“You really aren’t thirteen anymore, are you?”
“Nope. I’m an adult who has had sex in pretty much every position under the sun.”
She was a bad liar.
“Would you like to know more? I’m over it now, but I had a pretty intense drug phase. Mostly soft, but I tried some hard ones. MDMA, coke—”
“Christ.” I rub my hand down my face, not wanting to think of the dangerous situations she could have found herself in. “Okay, this I’m telling Eli.”
“Go ahead. Like I said, I got over it.”
Did she? Her safety wasn’t a joke.
“How?”
“I’ve had such bad trips. One time I kept thinking there were magnets under my skin and little pieces of metal were flying at me. And then my brain zapped for a month.” She shuddered. “Listen, you did a nice thing for. Your friend’s sister when her boyfriend dumped her for a sweeter and prettier girl. I want to reward this good behavior by taking you to Loudons.”
I sigh. Does she really think what’s her fuck is sweeter and prettier? I could wax poetic about Maya after an hour, and I could never do that for anyone.
Don’t. Don’t say it. I push the thoughts aside.
“She’s not.”
“Mmm?” She yawns, stretching like a cat.
“Prettier.”
“Who?”
What was her name?
“Georgie. Or whatever the hell her name is.”
“Aww, you’re sweet.”
Again with the self-depreciation.
“And you need a mirror.”
Her lips part. “Maybe you like brunettes.”
Fix it.
“I don’t.”
Maya’s head tilts. “You like blondes?”
“I don’t like anyone.” Except you, apparently. “I do, however, own a pair of working eyes.”
She frowns. “This is very nice, but I don’t need you to lie to me—”
Enough.
“It’s not a lie. I have no horse in this race. I talked with her for a few minutes, and she seems like a nice girl. If I wasn’t certain that she’s been fucking your boyfriend behind your back for weeks, I would have no negative feelings toward her.”
“You think so? That…Do you think they got together before Alfie and I broke up?”
I can’t let her live in denial, giving her a flat look. “Maya.”
“Yeah. I mean…Yeah.” She’s about to cry again. “I just keep wondering if Rose knew.”
How many fucking people were involved with this?
“Rose?”
My best friend. Her cousin. She’s the one who introduced Georgia and me. And then two years ago, when Georgia’s roommate graduated, I moved into this apartment and…When I found out about her and Alfie, and it all went down, Rose told me that she had no idea—”
These people were fucking shite. The lot of them. She needed better friends. Deserved better.
“She knew.”
“How can you tell?”
She wants me to lie, but I won’t.
“What your roommate and your ex did is so abominable and devoid of decency, if your friend had found out with you, she would have helped you sharpen every knife in the kitchen.”
She laughs, but it’s watery this time. Not that clear, joyful laugh she had earlier. The one that made my chest warm.
“I just…I kinda thought maybe Alfie was the one?”
I don’t know why that bothers me.
“Based on what?”
“He…He’s funny, especially when he’s drunk.”
Horrible criteria. Is the bar that low for women these days?
“And he left me space—I need a lot of space, sometimes. And he held me when I wanted to be snuggled.”
Is that it? Jesus.
“All of these things you listed, a dog could do.” I swallow, wondering how honest I should be. I try to toe the line. “He may have been one of the ones, but he wasn’t the one. You’re young, and more beautiful than you yet realize, and you’ll be the smartest person in most of the rooms you’ll enter throughout your life. You’re better off without some guy who just asked me for pointers on how to break into he crypto space.”
She groaned, placing her pillow over her head. “Ugh. He’s so obsessed with that. I shouldn’t have let his cuteness blind me.”
I grunt. Is he her type? “Cuteness? He looks like he was drawn by my right hand.”
Maya laughs again, a soft one that makes my jaw clench. She rolls over, looking like she might want to ask me a question. Is it wrong of me to hope she does? There’s something about Maya Killgore that I can’t ignore and hardly understand. Something I’ve never experienced with someone else. Something that feels suspiciously like a word I don’t even want to consider. That I can’t consider. The disappointment that settles in my gut when I realize she’s fallen asleep, ending our conversation, is precisely why I should leave.
I hate that I don’t want to.