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Crosshair stares at the cupcake in front of him. A lone candle is burning down slowly. He hasn’t touched it since he got it. He can’t bring himself to. The diner is quiet at this time of the night, even most of the regulars have left already. He can hear faint sounds of the kitchen being cleaned, but that’s it. He stares some more at the dessert sitting on the table, watching a drop of wax travel down the candle. It is stopped by the frosting. If he waits any longer, he won’t be able to eat it anymore. But he can’t bring himself to.
It’s their his decanting day and Crosshair has no idea what he hís doing here anyway. It’s where his brothers used to take them - him and Tech. There are pictures on the wall from the last three years and he has been trying not to look at them.
He shouldn’t have come here. The looks the owner gave him when she noticed he was all alone were worried but she didn’t ask any questions. He doesn’t know if he could find an answer to them anyway. Tonight, his anger has mellowed out and made way for something much worse. A deep, empty, aching, lonely feeling. He is alone, and it’s not the first time he realizes he doesn’t want to be alone, but it’s the first time it isn’t overshadowed by anger, or hurt. Crosshair doesn’t know what makes tonight so different.
The bell chimes as someone enters and Crosshair instinctively leans back into the shadows. His seat is in the far corner, out of view. Secluded. Safe. And alone. And it gives him a perfect view over the diner. And who is coming in.
Crosshair freezes. And then he feels stupid. He should have expected it, why did he even come here? He knew.
He is watching warily, but it’s only Tech. No one else shows up. A waitress comes out and Crosshair is glad he’s never seen her before because she doesn’t know him. Probably doesn’t even know he is here either. He melts more into the shadows, watching. Trying to squash the feelings threatening to come up. Feelings he has a hard time identifying. Feelings he doesn’t want to have.
He watches the waitress fuss a bit then vanish and come back with a plate of food. Tech was clearly not expecting it but she is saying something and if Crosshair had to guess it would be something along the lines of “It is on the house.” It always was, the past years.
He watches Tech pick at his food for a while before waving the waitress down. He watches as she takes the plate away and returns shortly after with two small takeaway containers and a cupcake that matches his own.
He watches.
And he tries to suffocate the yearning rising in his chest.
He doesn't want to miss his brothers - they left him! - but he does.
Hot wax drips on his hand, making him hiss and temporarily distracting him from Tech. Instead, it drags up a memory.
"Careful!" Hunter warns after digging into his food too fast. The diner is still a mess, but the owner insisted on feeding them anyway, after they destroyed the seps just in time to save the city from total destruction. A few glass shards and other rubble on the floor don't really bother them. The kitchen is still intact.
They are hungry, so they don’t heed Hunter's warning, at least Wrecker and him, and promptly manage to burn their mouths. A string of colourful curses escape Crosshair and Hunter glares at him before he has to laugh. "I told you."
Crosshair hisses again and glares at his food. This day hasn't been the best for him, even if they were victorious. Not bad either, just a lot of small things happening.
He pushes the thought away and focuses back on eating. They are all starved and almost too impatient to wait for their food to cool down, so at least he is not the only one suffering.
"I want to blow up things on my decanting day too," Wrecker sighs halfway through the meal, interrupting whatever ramble Tech was going on. “It was yesterday, you idiot and you did the exact same thing.” Crosshair glares at him.
“Still,” Wrecker says and pouts. The owner, currently sorting through something behind the counter, perks up at their words.
“Decanting day?”
“Yes, you natborns call it birthday. It’s my and Crosshair’s decanting day,” Tech answers and pushes up his goggles.
“You should have told me!” she complains and drops whatever she was doing. “I will get you some cake!”
“That is not necessary,” Tech replies and Crosshair has to snort at the look on Wrecker’s face.
“But- cake!” he whines.
The owner cracks a smile. “It’s tradition here. You get a cake on your birthday, er, decanting day."
At least she has the decency not to ask them for their age before vanishing towards the kitchen.
Shortly after she returns with a small wonky cake covered in pink frosting and colorful sprinkles. A handful of candles are burning on top of it.
"It's the only thing I managed that fast, but I promise it tastes better than it looks," she laughs and puts it down between them. Crosshair can't help but crack a smile.
"Thank you," Tech says and Crosshair can tell it's genuine by the sparkle in his eyes. "This is very kind of you."
"It's the least I can do," she says before pulling out a holo recorder. "Now let me take a picture!"
"Now, that's not necessary," Crosshair tries to dissuade her, to the chagrin of Tech who loves to have pictures. He knows that.
"It is." She pauses and looks over to a wall that clearly had pictures hung, now gone, probably scattered with the rubble on the floor. "Well, was. I can start a new wall." She shrugs and turns back to them and Crosshair can't help but wonder how she can stay this cheerful after almost losing everything. She's a civilian, after all.
"Smile!" she interrupts them and he glares at her until Hunter elbows him hard enough to make him yelp. Then he glares at Hunter and forces a smile that becomes soft too soon when he sees how happy his brothers look.
"Yeah, that's nice," she says and takes Tech's datapad with a laugh to take another one for them.
Then Hunter cuts the cake in more or less even slices, making Wrecker complain that they shouldn't divide it into equal slices but by equal percentages to their body weight because he deserves the biggest one and Crosshair laughs while smacking him and telling him to stop giving Tech ideas.
When he reaches for his slice of cake, he jostles a candle and hot wax drips on his hand.
Crosshair shakes the memory and looks over to the wall. It has been repainted several times. He easily spots their pictures - three of them, because they've been coming back, somehow, every year. Free dinner and free cake was good, and somehow Tech, or Hunter, or maybe both of them, Crosshair isn't sure, made sure they could get it.
His eyes wander back to find the other tables empty. Tech is gone. For a moment, Crosshair's heart hurts and he doesn't understand why. He knows they don't want him. How does he keep hoping? Why can’t he keep burying all of this under anger?
And despite that, he throws a handful of credits on the table as a tip, just because they always did, leaves the cupcake untouched and leaves.
The air outside is cold, bitingly so. He is trying to convince himself that he's doing it because he has the chance to find them and drag them back to the Empire with him. He is not quite successful.
His quick steps falter after a second. What is he doing? He should call this in, get some reinforcements; have the Empire raid this place.
He can’t bring himself to do it.
His breath is condensing in the cold air, leaving little puffs of clouds behind. He looks around, slowing down even more. The air smells slightly like smoke and exhaust fumes.
But the lot is empty. There is no one here, not anymore. Only a lone streetlamp and the lights of the far city illuminate night.
Crosshair stops in the middle of the lot. He is alone.
It’s the smoke and fumes that sting in his eyes and blur his vision. What else would it be.