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Yang Cheng had always kept his thoughts close to his chest. He never let them leave the strict confines of his mind, to say words that he truly and whole heartily meant would leave him well worn and inexplicably seen in a way he didn't want to be. That has been what he was used to. It was something familiar, something bearable.
But now as Yang Cheng stared at a transparent Shang Chao he felt that resolve he had crumpled into ash.
The faint feeling of lips pressed against his mouth and accompanied with the touch was a shiver of cold he tried to repress. But the coldness overcame him leaving him to shuffle back. Grief and sadness chorused through him. It was too much, the feelings were too much. Emotions tore through his system and he let out a pitiful sob as he pulled away from Sheng Chao through teary eyes.
Shang Chao’s lip didn't taste like anything, there had been a time where he had daydreamed about what the others lips would taste like but now it was nothing. Not even a breath of air has left the man and Yang Cheng knew he imagined the feeling of their lips being pressed.
His breath was hitched as he spoke. “I… I–I’m sorry Sheng Chao.” Another half choked out sob. “ I couldn't make it in time. I– I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't good enough. And you—”
He didn't want to say it, the world would feel too real if he said the words. Him finally saying the words that were cramped between his ribs would make him lose the sliver of control that held him tightly together.
He was, however , already losing that control, it was slipping through his fingers and all he could do was watch pitifully as it did so.
He swallowed hard through a lump in his throat and sniffled down the mucus that was building up. He was a pathetic blubbering mess, and Sheng Chao was watching him go through this process looking like he all but wanted to hold him tight and reassure him that things were going to be okay.
Shang Chao had tried to hug Yang Cheng but he had tensed up and moved back, he was never one to like the cold and the only temperature that Sheng Chao emitted now was a bone cold chilling frost. He would never feel the warmth from the other anymore.
“It's not your fault, Yang Cheng.” Shang Chao reassured.“You didn't know, no one could have known.”
And wasn't that the problem?
Someone had to know something. How could they not know that a criminal had escaped from a prison cell? How could they not do the damn job they had been given and make sure a criminal stayed where they belonged? Hired or not, they had violence on their mind when they came for Pomelo and violence on their mind when they came to kil–
Killed.
Killed.
They had come to kill him. They had come to kill Yang Cheng and instead in his place they had found Shang Chao wearing a helmet that was his.
They killed Shang Chao and he let it happen.
He wasn't a Hero.
A Hero 's job was supposed to protect people, bringing them warmth, happiness and hope.
He wasn't a Hero. How could he be a hero if he couldn't even protect the people he cared about? He let his feelings deceive him and Shang Chao had been the one to pay the price.
“I'm sorry.”
This time when he looked up Shang Chao was gone. It has either been a ghost or just his cruel mind playing tricks on him. He wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter, his head— his thoughts, his feelings— were what had caused him to not reach Shang Chao in time.