Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I still can’t believe you know Ateez.”  

You can’t help but roll your eyes as you wipe down the counter. 

“I don’t know Ateez.” You correct your colleague tiredly. “I know Yunho and Mingi, there’s quite the difference.” 

“Semantics.” She waves you off and even though your instinct is to continue to argue, you’re too exhausted to fight your point. 

“Sure. Now would you please keep mopping? I’d like to get home sometime before midnight.” 

“You’re no fun.” Your colleague pouts but since you’re her senior she relents and goes to do what you’ve asked, leaving you alone with your thoughts for the first time tonight. 

The boys dropping by on a break from practice, while it had been a disruption of your closing shift, was definitely the highlight of your week. 

With their increasingly busy schedules, the three of you meeting up is rarer than it’s ever been before but like the absolute sweethearts they are, they keep going out of their way to make time for you. 

Whether it’s coming into the shop to get coffee and having a quick chat or dropping by the dance studio on the nights you work, they never fail to remind you how important you are to them. 

They even feature you in the occasional dance video, always making sure to tag you and the studio for their millions of followers, which in turn has helped keep the once struggling dance studio going and draws more students to the classes. 

Sure, after a video is posted the number of students skyrocket only to basically plummet after a few weeks of no sighting of the boys, but the ones that stick around quickly fall in love with the place and the instructors, leaving a healthy attitude and vibe about the place. 

Finally able to slip your headphones on, you turn on your music and lose yourself in the work. 

Your body is still tired from yesterday’s dance class but that doesn’t stop you from moving along to the beat while you clean and restock the fridges. 

There’s a particular song that’s caught your attention lately and even while you clean out the machines, you’re working on a new choreography for your advanced students. You’ve already made a decent dent in the routine but you haven’t mapped it out fully yet, still tweaking it and coming up with new moves that’ll flow well with the beat as well as the melody. 

By the time you’re done for the night, you’ve finished another section of the choreo, and if it wasn’t for the time, you’d be heading to the studio to test it out. 

It’s been a bad habit of yours in the past: going to the studio in the middle of the night by yourself without telling anyone, one that you’ve been chewed out for time and time again. 

It was rarely a conscious choice back then. Dance has always been the best way to regulate your emotions, and whenever things got too messy or stressful you’d find yourself sneaking out of the house to go and clear your head. Oftentimes you wouldn’t even really realize you did it until you’d find yourself in front of the big mirrors with the key your part-time job as an instructor afforded you in your hand, and at that point you might as well just keep going right? 

The number of times your parents frantically called you because they found your bed empty still grates on your conscience, and even though you’ve since moved out and started living your own life, you do your best not to make them worry like that anymore. 

The closest you’ve gotten to it since then was when Yunho and Mingi started on their idol journey, and you strongly considered chasing after them. 

You’d already been separated from them once when you went off to different high schools and having them go off to live a life almost completely separate from yours was more painful than you could have imagined. It was like they were advancing in life while you stood still, watching them from afar as they continued growing together and you remained stagnant in your regular little life by yourself. 

You even went in for an audition, thinking that if the boys you’d spent the last couple of years dancing and growing with could manage with their dancing skills, so could you. Only when you got there, it further solidified the world of difference between you and them. 

Like your boys, the kids in that audition were chasing a dream, however fleeting it might have been, hoping and wishing to be chosen, while you simply didn’t want to be left behind. 

The fact that KQ wasn’t the agency holding the audition as the size of their company made it impossible to handle more than one trainee group at a time, made you even more discouraged. If you passed the audition and if you were allowed to debut, every future interaction with your boys would be regulated and forever scrutinized in a way you’d never be ready for. 

You’d finished the audition but even with your technical skills, it was clear to everyone that you didn’t have the hunger that the other 130 applicants had. So, you had thanked the staff for their time, and gone home, rightfully expecting not to get a callback, and even though your parents didn’t say anything, you knew they heaved a sigh of relief when no call came. It’s a cut-throat business and with your temperament you would have been kicked out on day one. 

You’ve never told either of the boys about the audition and honestly can’t see yourself ever doing so. What good would it do? 

At best they’d playfully scold you for intentionally blowing it, and at worst they’d feel guilty about making you that desperate not to be left behind. 

And it’s not like you’re unhappy with your life and the way it’s turning out. 

You have a secure income from the coffee shop you’ve been working at since high school. You get paid a small amount to teach dance classes to both younger and older students, which also gives you free access to the studio basically whenever you want. You have your own place, however tiny it may be, and your parents are proud of you. 

You send a message to the group chat, knowing at least one of them is waiting up for you to text them you’ve made it home safe like they made you promise you would. 

It only takes Mingi a minute to text back, wishing you a good night and reminding you to lock your door, and you can’t keep the smile off your face when you let him know that he’s going to go grey prematurely if he keeps worrying about you like this. 

“That’s trendy now.” He simply shoots back with a gif of someone sticking their tongue out. 

“Dream on, princess.” You send back with a picture of your middle finger and plug your phone into the charger as you start getting ready for bed. 

You assume Yunho has already gone to bed as he’s usually the first one to text you back, but when you get out of the bathroom you have three messages waiting for you in the private chat.

“Hey” 

“Sorry I missed your message, I was in the shower” 

“Did you conk out already?”

The smile that settles on your lips is softer and wider than the one before and you try your best not to think about it as you start typing.

“Hey” 

“No worries, Mingi answered” 

“And I was just getting ready for bed, not falling asleep yet”

“Wanna call?”

You hate the way your chest tingles at the thought of hearing his voice for a second time tonight, purposefully ignoring it as you start up a video call. 

He’s always preferred that to just voice, claiming it’s easier to get an idea of your emotions when he can see your face and it’s not like you can argue with that. You’ve never worn your heart on your sleeve and even though you find it easy to keep the emotions out of your voice, you’re not quite as talented at controlling your facial expressions. 

“Hey, Bunny.” Yunho greets you when the call connects, squinting as if he’s just turned on a light and blinded himself. 

“Hey, Yu-yah.” You can’t help but smile at the cute scrunching of his face that’s happening on your screen. 

“How was the rest of your shift?” He asks, stifling a yawn, those beautiful dark focused on you even though you can tell he’s exhausted and probably should be asleep already. 

“It calmed down pretty quickly once you left.” You can’t help but sass, enjoying the wince that crosses his face. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He says and although you know he does feel guilty, you can tell he’s also enjoying it. “We didn’t mean to cause a ruckus.” 

“You always have, Yu-yah.” You grant him a smile to stop him overthinking. “That hasn’t changed with fame.” 

“I guess.” He chuckles, making himself more comfortable in his bed. “So, what have you been up to lately?” 

“Oh, you know, same old: working, dancing, sleeping. Rinse and repeat.” You shrug, allowing yourself to snuggle deeper into your pillow, pretending not to hear the cute chuckle that comes from Yunho at the sight. 

“No second date with that Yinyang guy?” 

“Youngjae.” You correct with a roll of your eyes. “His name’s Youngjae, and something tells me you know that.” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yunho pulls that innocent look that’s never failed to convince anyone in his life apart from maybe you and his mother. 

“Mhm, sure.” You deadpan, pulling the covers closer around you, trying to ignore the heaviness of your eyelids. “Mingi told you, I’m guessing.” 

“Of course he did. How else am I supposed to find out what’s happening with you?” 

“Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t tell you about my love life for a reason, Yu-yah?” 

“No, not at all. So, spill: why no second date with Jimjam?” 

“Youngjae.” You groan, not even knowing why you keep trying when he’ll just keep getting it wrong on purpose. “And I don’t know. I just wasn’t feeling it.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

You sigh, gathering what little energy you have left to have a discussion that you always go out of your way to avoid when it comes to Yunho. 

“He didn’t get me, is all. Said dancing was overrated and I should just be going to uni instead of wasting my time teaching spoiled kids how to stomp to music.” 

“Seriously?” Yunho asks, that trusty protectiveness shining through his surprise. “What a fucking asshole.” 

“Yeah, so I didn’t think we’d be a good match. How was the rest of your practice?” You shrug, desperate to move on from the topic of conversation but of course Yunho is nothing if not a dog with a bone. 

“It was fine. Where do you find these guys, Bunny? The last one tried to sleep with you on the first date, and the one before that was engaged.” 

“It’s not like I’m trying to find the red flags, you know.” You sigh. 

There are plenty of reasons why you don’t like discussing your love life with your best friend, very few of which he can ever know, but the big one in this moment is the fact that your dating pool actively excludes men who remind you of him which doesn’t exactly leave many redeeming qualities to choose from. 

Not to mention the fact that a lot of men are secretly, and not so secretly, uncomfortable with your above average height which further limits your options significantly. 

“It can’t be that hard to find a halfway decent guy.” Yunho continues, probably too tired to realize you really don’t want to keep talking about this. “Unless you’re looking in the trash-” 

“Yunho, I’m tired.” You interrupt him, sounding as exhausted as you feel and you can see the shift in his eyes when he realizes. “And I feel shitty enough about my dating life without someone dissecting it for me.” 

“Alright.” He shifts on his bed, those dark eyes taking on a softness that only comes when he feels truly guilty about something. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

“Yes, you did.” You can’t help but chuckle, you’re not really mad at him but even if you were, seeing that look in his eyes would take you out of it like it always does. “Next time though, just keep bothering Mingi about it. He loves to talk about all my failed dates.” 

“Mm.” Yunho hums, looking pensive for a moment, mouth halfway open as if he can’t decide whether to say what he’s thinking or not. 

“What?” You sigh, the hint of a smile on your lips to let him know you’re not annoyed. “I’ll give you one more serious question tonight and then I’m going to sleep.” 

“Why do you tell all of that stuff to Mingi but never to me?” 

You really should learn when to just shut up. 

“I’m your friend too, you know. And I care just as much about you as he does, you do know that right?” 

“Yunho.” You rub your eyes with another sigh, missing the way he stiffens at the use of his name. You really do need to get some sleep, but you can’t just leave him with a shitty answer and hope it won’t come back to bite you. “Whenever I bring up that stuff around you, you get weird. You don’t talk, you interrogate, and you always have something negative to say about whatever guy I’m talking about.” 

“Because you can do better. And they don’t deserve you.” 

“Right, well, no one’s perfect and you always manage to tell me things that I then can’t unsee and it just ruins the guy for me.” 

“I consider it a favor that I’m letting you find out early instead of three years into marriage.” 

“I’m not slow, Yunho.” There’s a little more bite to your voice now and he hears it, dropping the jokey act completely. “I’ll see the stuff when I see them, it’s not your job to vet everyone who comes into my life like I’m a child who can’t be trusted with her own safety.” 

“Bun, I-” Yunho clears his throat, shifting into a more seated position as he looks at you through the phone. “That’s not what I’m implying at all.” 

“I know. Cause if you did, we’d no longer be speaking to each other. But it comes across like it and it’s bothering me, okay? So, can you please be alright with me not discussing stuff like this with you? For both our sakes.” 

“Of course.” He nods seriously, all hints of joking and teasing gone from his person. “And I’ll stop butting in, I promise. I’m sorry I hurt you by doing it, but I need you to know that if you ever do want to talk about anything like that, I won’t be an immature dick again, okay?” 

“Okay.” You say, unable to stifle a yawn that has your body shaking as it goes through you. “And you’re forgiven. But now I think we both need sleep, don’t you?” 

“Yeah…” Yunho says, eyes lingering on you and you can tell there’s still tension in him. “So, we’re okay?” 

“Yes, Yu-yah. We’re okay.”  

The return of the nickname has the stress draining from his body and he looks about ready to collapse, which honestly doesn’t sound so bad right about now. 

“Sleep tight?” He offers and you chuckle, nodding your head as your thumb hovers over the button to end the call. 

“Always.” 

Having an entire day off isn’t exactly a regular thing for you. You’re either always at work or at the studio, and some Saturdays your fellow instructors at the dance studio drag you to a club for a good time. You have also been known to move things around when Yunho and Mingi manage to find some time to hang out, but other than that your routine is pretty set in stone. 

So, to find yourself in bed in the still somewhat early morning hours with no plan for the day is strange to say the least. 

Your apartment is nice but small and it tends to get a little claustrophobic after a while, and you’re usually so busy with outside stuff that you don’t notice, so even though you don’t have any ideas of what to do, you know you won’t be spending a lot of the day at home. 

You’ll have to think of something specific while you make breakfast, but you have been wanting to check out Lewkin’s new pop up store (a girl can never have too many oversized clothes, can she?) so maybe you’ll head over there and then just play the rest of the day by ear. 

Breakfast is a lazy affair, reading the news while you eat your food and listen to music, feet ever so softly tapping to the beat, careful not to disturb your neighbors. 

You pride yourself on being a good and dependable neighbor, especially to the elderly man in the apartment right under yours, who lost his wife a couple of years ago and now looks for any excuse to steal some of your time. Little does he know he can’t steal something that’s been freely given. 

You see Mingi’s online in the group chat but given the time he’s most likely in the car headed to work so you don’t want to take up what little time he has to himself and simply send a cuddly hug gif and wish him a good day. 

Not even 15 seconds later he sends you a picture of himself, Seonghwa and San in the car, all of them smiling like you’re as much their friend as you are Mingi and Yunho’s. 

You might have lied to your coworker just a little when you said you didn’t know the entire group. You’ve met all of them and you’ve been over to their place back when they were all in the same dorm, but you’ve always kept a respectable distance to the ones you didn’t grow up with. 

Even with being featured on Yunho and Mingi’s socials, and your role in their lives being public knowledge, you’ve worked very hard not to impose on the rest of the group members. 

When you meet them, you treat all of them with respect. You’re never on your phone because you don’t want them to ever wonder if you’re taking pictures or recording them. You never wear any merch around them in case it could make them uncomfortable (even though you have several shirts, a hoodie, ball cap, as well as the little metal Tyudeongi and Bbyongming dangling from your keychain). You’ve never asked to go to the company or their place, only ever visiting with an invite and explicit permission from both Hongjoong and their manager. 

Your boys both think you’re being over the top, but the last thing you ever want is for your presence to create tension or cause any of them problems. Yunho and Mingi are living their dream together and you refuse to jeopardize that in any way. 

It’s bad enough that people are shipping you with them over your interactions and they all have to hear about it, and you don’t want to make it worse on them. 

That being said, you can’t quite bring yourself to hate or even dislike the shipping. 

Is it strange? Sure, you guess, but you have your own biases and shipping videos you glance at a little longer than absolutely necessary so who are you to judge anyone who’s just having fun and not hurting anyone? 

And truth be told, if you’re being 100% honest with yourself: you like seeing the videos of you and Yunho together.  

You like when people see the things that you think you do when he looks at you. The way his eyes light up. The way his smile grows bigger and yet somehow more relaxed. The way some of the idol persona slips away and reveals the man who’s your Yu-yah. 

The boy who gave you piggyback rides around school for nearly a month after you twisted your ankle dancing. The teenager who came to your defense after one of the boys in your class went around telling everyone you were a whore after you rejected him. The young man who stayed on the phone with you every night after your dad had a heart attack, and you were afraid to go to sleep. 

There are videos of you and Mingi too, and a lot has you with the both of them, but for some reason the ones with Mingi almost always seem to take on a more platonic direction. They compare you to siblings far more often than they do you and Yunho, and it shouldn’t be making you feel good but it does. 

You love Mingi. You do. 

The towering beast of a man who’s the biggest scaredy cat you’ve ever seen. The shy little boy who was so soft but looked so mean that no one wanted to talk to him. The kid who once he hit his growth spurt started bumping into any and everything, but danced so effortlessly you were transfixed anytime you saw him move. The teenage boy who cried when he told you he passed his final audition because he was so worried about leaving you behind. 

You adore Mingi. 

But it’s not the same. 

You laugh at the few videos claiming there’s something romantic between you and the rapper, said man always joining you because the idea is ridiculous. But the ones with Yunho give you pause. 

They show the way you look at him even when you do your best to keep your emotions in check. They make you see things that you can never determine if they’re real or all in your head. Because if others see them, some small part of it has to be true, right? 

You’re deep in the delulu as they say, but you have yet to find a way out of it.  

It’s ridiculous to think that your childhood best friend could have feelings for you. He would have acted on them by now if that was the case. But then again, your feelings aren’t exactly completely platonic, and you’ve been afraid of ruining your friendship for years, so what’s to say he’s not thinking the same thing? 

Without realizing it, you’ve been staring at the picture of the guys for a hot minute and realizing how shitty it must look, you send back “Fighting!” followed by Mingi's favorite grey heart before you lock your phone, finish your lukewarm tea and get ready for a shower. 

The day awaits. 

“How do you feel about coming to the company today?” 

Your hands freeze mid browsing the graphic tees on the rack, Mingi’s words somehow louder than they should be in your headphones. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, you have the day off, right?” 

“Well, yeah but don’t you guys have work? That’s why you’re there isn’t it?” 

“I mean technically but the captain decided we could all use a chill day of practice. So, are you in?” 

You pause as you stare blindly at the clothes on the rack, mind trying to piece it all together. 

“It was Yunho’s idea to invite me, wasn’t it?” You ask and from the sigh on the other end you know you’ve hit the nail on the head. 

“Look, he feels bad about butting into your business and he thought you might like to come visit, maybe even shoot a video or two with us?” 

“The last one was posted like a week ago, it’s too early to post another one.” 

“Now you’re just looking for excuses, Bunny.” Mingi chuckles in your ear and you hate how well he knows you. “No one said anything about posting it yet, we can sit on it for months if you’d like.” 

“Mingi, I don’t know-” 

“Look, if you’re worried about it, everyone said that they’d like you to come. And yes, we checked with our manager, and he gave the green light so you’re good to go.” 

His answer has you biting your lip, heat licking your ears at the thought of the entire group saying they want you there. You can’t imagine for what reason, other than the fact that Yunho is sulking and it’s putting everyone off, and you going there is the quickest and least painful way to fix it. 

“Fine.” You relent and you can hear whooping in the background at your answer. “Mingi, have I been on speaker this whole time?” 

The brief pause tells you everything you need to know and when Wooyoung’s voice comes through it’s clear he’s snatched the phone from Mingi. 

“Come on, noona, we’ve missed you. And don’t blame the big guy, we bullied him into calling you for us.” 

“Somehow I don’t doubt that.” You say with a shake of your head, Wooyoung’s energy making your own peek its head up from where it’s been resting. “Do you need me to bring anything, coffee or-” 

“Nope, just yourself. Hyung will order something on his card once you’re here.” 

You think you can hear Hongjoong’s indignation in the background, but Wooyoung’s cackle drowns out most of it. You have to admit his laugh is as infectious on the phone as it is in real life when you find yourself smiling as you take the hoodie you’ve decided on and steer your steps towards the register. 

“That’s very nice of him. I can be there in like 20 minutes?” 

“Great, just call Yunho-hyung and he’ll let you up, ‘kay?” He sounds so giddy you almost believe it was his idea to invite you and not Yunho’s. 

“Okay, see you soon.” You say, hanging up the phone and greeting the salesperson behind the counter as you hand her your new hoodie, mind already moving a hundred miles an hour. 

You’re not exactly dressed to meet a world-famous idol-group, but then again, are you ever? 

Your normal attire of baggy cargo pants, oversized t-shirt, baseball cap and worn hoodie tends to not fit in most places you go, unless that place happens to be a dance studio so technically, you’re not going to be underdressed for where you’re heading. 

So, you don’t really know why you’re feeling this nervous. You’re not meeting anyone you haven’t met before, everything’s been cleared and okayed and there are no real expectations on you aside from the usual unspoken "Don't be weird!". 

Maybe it’s because this is the first time you’re going to be in their new building and everything is going to feel more official. It’s easier to pretend you’re on their level when their dance studio is on top of a 7eleven and the customers can hear them practicing all day and night. Not that it wasn’t a “real” company to begin with, but like the boys, it was a bit ragtag and on the smaller scale which made it easier to feel like you blended in. 

At least going in looking like you do, you could just be a dancer there for work, so you won’t stick out like a sore thumb. 

Even though Wooyoung said to call when you get there, Yunho is already downstairs waiting for you when you arrive. He’s dressed similar to you, no need for anything fancy when it’s just a day of practice with no cameras or outside influences (except for you of course). 

“Hey, Bunny.” He greets you warmly when he lets you into the building, letting the door close behind you before he pulls you in for a hug. 

It’s been a while since you’ve been able to give him a proper hug without anyone watching, and as always, it’s soft and warm, and lasts a millisecond too long for your brain to categorize it as strictly platonic. 

“Did Mingi send you the address or did you have to resort to Google to find the place?” He brightly asks you when he pulls back, those dark eyes looking you over like they always do, as if to make sure you’re okay before he can proceed with anything else. 

“Oh, I wrote it down in my phone after you guys moved. You know, in case something happened.” You say flippantly as if you aren't always keeping an eye out for any trouble in the area. 

“Aw, you do love us.” He laughs, pushing the bill of your cap down over your face, and jumping back when you start smacking him for it. 

“You’re such a dick.” You huff as if you’re not finding his teasing disgustingly endearing, the tips of your ears burning when he stands in front of you and pushes the cap back to sit on your head properly with that big dumb grin on his face. 

“I am, but I know you love it.” He says and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from telling him that you do in fact love it.  

Knowing you, the words would come out stuttered and you’d screw up saying you love him instead of it, and that’s something you don’t think you could ever live down. 

“Come on,” Yunho’s voice brings you out of your thoughts as he grabs the shopping bag from you, and takes the newly freed hand in his, intertwining your fingers as he gently pulls you along. “The guys are waiting to see you.” 

He’s so fucking confusing. 

All these little things he does that make your heart go all wonky, but then never ever moving beyond that. 

Mingi hugs you too, but never like that. 

Mingi holds you hand, but you can feel the friendship in his touch and the less intimate way your fingers move against one another. 

With Mingi, any affection is purely that of siblings, nothing more, nothing less. But with Yunho… There’s something there that you can’t decide what it is. 

Maybe there really is something there, or maybe you’re just looking at it from the standpoint of wanting there to be; seeing things that aren’t there simply because you’ve had a crush on him for years and you’re desperate for him to feel the same. 

You want to pull your hand away. If for no other reason than to preserve what little sanity you have left, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. 

His hand is so big, so strong yet impossibly gentle in the way it holds you, guides you to where he wants you to go, and you find it difficult to focus on what he’s saying when all you can think about is how good your hand feels in his. 

“Bunny? Are you listening?” He suddenly says, stopping in the middle of the hallway to watch you with a concerned look in his eyes. 

“Sorry. Got distracted.” You say, as always unable to lie to him when he looks at you like that. “What were you saying?” 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” He chuckles as if that’s the c-word you’re most used to being called, watching your eyes flit about the place as your heart rebels against the comment. “I was asking if you still feel okay about the conversation last night?” 

“Oh.” Pull yourself together, this is starting to get pathetic. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. It feels better having just gotten it out there, you know?” 

Even with the nod and the relieved look in his eyes, you can’t help but feel he’s holding something back. 

“What about you?” The way he just blinks at you makes it clear he wasn’t expecting to be called out on it. “How are you handling it?” 

“Oh, you know.” He shrugs, plastering a smile on his face that you can tell is fake from a mile away. 

“No, I don’t know.” You push quite brazenly, like you always do when he tries to gloss things over with you. “Tell me.” 

His eyes are the ones moving now, almost looking like he’s checking the hallway for people, but you know him better than that. He just can’t look you in the eye when he’s feeling vulnerable, a stark contrast to his usual staring. 

“I couldn’t sleep very well afterwards.” He sighs, as if he’s admitting to a great infraction and you let your silence do the talking for you as you look at him, beckoning him to keep going. “Just kept tossing and turning thinking about how I hurt you cause I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I felt like shit, honestly.” 

“I see.” You say, taking a step towards him before reaching up pet the top of his head, and although it’s a rare occurrence, you’re now blessing your height for allowing you to reach that high when his eyes go round and snap to yours. “But you apologized, and I’ve forgiven you, so we’re okay.” 

You can tell he wants to argue with your simple conclusion, that it’s more complicated than that, but to you it isn’t. Not this time. 

He is more protective than Mingi, more jealous too, and you’ve learned to navigate that in your years of friendship, but you’ve always thought he was aware that he was doing it. That it was sort of like an inside joke at this point that you kept certain things away from him and not from Mingi, but apparently Yunho hasn’t been in on it. 

Sure, you know he’s aware that he keeps messing up your dates’ names on purpose, but to be fair there’s no reason for him to remember them in the first place. Very few of them have ever been serious enough to warrant a meeting with your boys, and fewer still have stuck around for long afterwards. 

Maybe you’re just not a long-term relationship kind of a girl and you’re just having fun while you’re young and relatively free, but none of the guys you’ve ever been with have been someone you could see yourself settling down with. Someone to share the good and the bad with, to lean on when things were hard, or to celebrate the milestones in your life. 

There is one exception, your brain tries to remind you, but you wave her off, refusing to indulge in your delusions more than you already do on a daily basis. 

Yunho and Mingi are your friends and they’re both staying in that category, because anything else is unfamiliar territory and if you fall or lose your way, you can never go back to the way things were. 

You know yourself by now and you know you couldn’t handle it. 

“Are you guys going to stand there all day or can the rest of us have a go at her?” Wooyoung calls from a doorway, an impatient pout on his lips as he watches you and Yunho, and there’s no telling how long he’s been standing there. 

“That sounds incredibly disrespectful, Young-ah.” Seonghwa’s voice can be heard from inside the studio and it’s with a roll of his eyes that Wooyoung moves to let you in, winking at you as you pass him. 

“It’s how I express love.” He deadpans with a shrug before he goes in to hug you. His neutral expression is replaced with a big grin, the embrace taking you by surprise even though it’s not the first time he’s done it. “Hi, noona!” 

“Hi, Wooyoung-shi.” You greet him back, unable to stop yourself from laughing at the disbelief on his face at the honorific. 

“Hyung, she’s being mean again!” He cries, hugging you tighter, and even though he’s smiling you can see Yunho silently readying himself to remove the other man from you if you look uncomfortable for even a moment. 

“She’s just being respectful, unlike some.” Hongjoong says with a sigh but the look in his eyes lets you know he’s finding it as amusing as you are. “It’s nice to see you again, Bunny.” 

“And you, Hongjoong-shi.” You say with a polite smile and a nod, unable to really do anything else with the way Wooyoung is still hugging you. “I appreciate the invite.” 

“You’re important to our boys, which means you’re important to us.” The captain smiles at you and the heat is traveling from your ears down your neck, and your only saving grace that Mingi pulls you away from Wooyoung and into his own arms, allowing you to hide your face against him. 

“Hi, Bun bun.” He whispers, the depth of his gravelly voice making goosebumps race over your skin like it always does. 

“Hey, princess.” You mumble into his shoulder, probably looking far too intimate for comfort at his workplace but given the way most of them are having a lively discussion around you, they don’t really seem to care. 

The only one not joining the discussion is Yunho, his eyes still trained on you. His form is far more relaxed than before, his trust in Mingi knowing when you’re approaching your limit for physical contact clear for all to see. 

He watches as the others greet you while you remain in Mingi’s proximity, the rapper’s arm slung around your shoulder and pulling you into his side. 

You might have forgiven him, but Yunho still feels like shit for taking his jealousy out on you, not that none of the dudes you’d been interested in didn’t deserve to be shamed and ridiculed.  

You’re great. A little hard to get to know at first, your tough and sometimes stoic exterior making it difficult to get a good feel for you. But like with Mingi and Jongho, Yunho had put his sharp eyes to work the moment he met you and learned to read you better than almost anyone. 

You’re brazen but kind, the first person to help someone struggling without asking for anything in return. You love teaching and it’s impossible not to watch you when you’re in the zone, correcting your students in a way that never fails to make them smile. 

And when you dance... There’s nothing like it! 

You’re never as confident, as calm or as bold as when you’re lost in movement. Intimidating in a way that only comes from the outmost belief in yourself and your abilities. And the way your face splits into the most unguarded grin when you’re done, endorphins and dopamine racing through your body, never fails to take your spectators’ breath away. 

It’s not Yunho's fault that the little boys you’ve brought into your life don’t understand to value you for these traits, preferring their girls small and meek, following them around like lost little lambs and clinging to them in fear of being abandoned. 

But that’ll never be you. You’ve never been afraid to tell someone to fuck off, to stand up for what you believe in, or cut off those who treat you with disrespect. You don’t need these boys, you allow them to exist alongside you and they’re all fucking idiots to spoil the opportunity for themselves. 

So, apart from accidentally putting you in the middle of it, what’s it to anyone whether Yunho expressed his dislike of these people or not? 

But you’ve been hurt by it, and he wasn’t kidding when he told you he lost sleep over it last night, because the last thing he ever wants to do is cause you any kind of pain. 

“Sannie.” The softness of your voice shakes Yunho out of his thoughts, and he can feel himself tense when said man comes up to you, wrapping his big arms around your waist and pulls you close. 

He can see Mingi glancing at him in his peripheral, but Yunho keeps his focus on you and his friend, ready to step in the moment you show any sign of discomfort. 

“Now why does he get a cute nickname, and I don’t?” Wooyoung shrieks, a big pout on his face once again, milking his babygirl nature to the max even though it has a tendency to make everyone in the room gag. 

“Because I’ve spent more time with him, Wooyoung-shi.” You keep up with the honorific just for the hell of it, tickled by the way Wooyoung stomps his foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

“Oh, come on! So, I’m being punished for knowing how to dance when I first got here? That’s so mean!” 

San lets you go to basically throw himself at his friend, nuzzling against him as he coos comforting words you can’t fully hear, but the sight is downright adorable regardless. 

“Guess you’re going to have to spend more time with her if you want a proper nickname then.” Seonghwa chuckles and you swear Wooyoung’s eyes light up like a fucking Christmas tree. 

“Perfect!” He once again shrieks and you have no idea how any of them have any hearing left after spending a couple of years with the man and his excitable nature. “Hear that, Bunny? You’re stuck with me!” 

“Poor soul.” Jongho mutters under his breath but you’re pretty sure you can see the hint of a smile on his lips, especially when Yeosang does a weird bow towards you and apologizes for his friend, leaving everyone but Wooyoung laughing. 

“So, what are you guys working on today?” You ask once the drinks Wooyoung volunteered the captain to pay for have arrived, and everybody has settled down for what seems like a well needed break. 

You’re sitting on the floor, more or less sandwiched between Yunho and Wooyoung, the latter had only stopped pouting once you okayed his request for the spot. Mingi’s head is resting on your lap, his eyes closed with a smile on his lips as you absentmindedly run your fingers through his hair while listening to the conversations going on around you. 

Everyone else is scattered around the room but close enough for no individual groups to form, and you’re particularly tuned into Seonghwa and San discussing ideas for their next Vlive. So far, you’ve heard talks of Lego building, skin care, animal crossing and something about a mukbang, and you’re finding yourself strangely compelled to watch it whenever they decide on the theme. 

You try not to watch their lives or variety stuff too much, always feeling a little weird being somewhere between a friend and a fan. It’s weird to find out things about people you actually know and talk to, through the internet and tv, and unless one of them recommends you something you try your best to stay away from their more personal stuff. 

Their music videos and concerts however, you consider neutral ground. You’ve been to at least one concert per tour they’ve had, always eager to support them, even if you never tell anyone until you’ve already been. 

Mingi and Yunho always complain, saying they would have performed extra hard if they’d known you were in the crowd, but you never want to put any pressure on them, or make them feel like they have to go through any extra effort just because you’re there. You have a sneaking suspicion they would have even gotten you a backstage pass at some point just because they’re able to, which is exactly why you don’t tell them. You don’t want any special treatment, you just want to support them and see them happy without interfering. 

Now, that being said, you have stretched this neutral ground to include their dance practices. And it’s not only for professional curiosity, even though that’s always your thinly veiled excuse whenever somebody asks. 

You love to see how your boys are improving and growing with every new choreography, and here San is included in said group. You know you probably shouldn’t have gotten involved, but back when Yunho had come to you, telling you about this little kid from a rural island with no dance experience, you just hadn’t been able to help yourself. 

The first time you met San, you couldn’t help but be protective of him. He really was starting from scratch but the will and the drive he showed in those first couple of lessons made it clear he was not to be underestimated. 

At first, you’d questioned why they’d go to you when Yunho and Mingi were fully capable of teaching him themselves. Surely, they had instructors and actual professionals at the company who could help, and didn't need the help of some freshly baked high school graduate working nights at a little dance studio. But their logic was that it would be more informal and less pressure on San in joining a group of friends rather than in an official setting with professionals. And unlike Yunho and Mingi, you actually had experience with teaching the basics, and they helped by bringing the skills and requirements from the industry that you didn’t possess. 

San had been so tiny then that it’s almost difficult to equate that little kid with the man on the other side of the room, but whenever he catches your eye and smiles at you, it’s like you’re back in the studio, looking at this little sweetheart as he grins so wide it looks like it hurts when you praise him for his hard work. 

“Noona,” Wooyoung nudges you suddenly, his voice low and soft in a way that lets you know he’s aware you’ve been a million miles away. “Can you do mine too?” 

For a moment you blink at him, unable to comprehend what he means, but as soon as you see him poke Mingi to move over a little, you get it and nod as he too settles on your lap to have your free hand start at his hair. 

Your iron clad plan of keeping your distance, doesn’t feel quite so iron clad anymore. Every time you meet them, you find yourself inching closer, in no small part thanks to Wooyoung’s efforts to shatter your walls completely, which no one in the group seems to take issue with. 

It’s at times like these that you doubt yourself and your stubborn need to keep your lives as separate as you do. None of them truly seem to mind you spending time with them occasionally and no one has ever indicated that you’ve been a burden or an annoyance as far as you can recall. This of course doesn’t mean you’re not still incredibly worried about getting overconfident and starting to feel entitled to them. Like you’re better than anyone else because you’re friends with an idol group.  

Because you’re not. You have plenty of flaws, too many to count actually, and with the way your temperament has gotten you into trouble in the past, you’ll be damned if they end up in hot water because of something you say or do. 

It’s difficult enough not to yell and curse at people who crowd your friends in the street and make them uncomfortable but adding 6 more people that your instincts tell you protect at all costs would just be asking for disaster. 

“What are you thinking about?” Yunho asks, shifting slightly until he’s almost touching you, his voice soft against your ear as if he doesn’t want anybody to hear him except for you. 

“Just how surreal this all is.” You settle on, which technically isn’t a lie, just a heavily condensed version of all the thoughts buzzing around in your head. “I still can’t believe you’re here, that this is actually real.” 

He smiles, putting his hand on the floor behind your back and leaning on it, basically feeling like he’s wrapped his arm around you without actually doing anything. 

“It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” He chuckles quietly, fiddling with his straw as he looks between you and Mingi who’s now snoozing peacefully on your lap. “Thank you for still being here.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask, curiously glancing over at him, noting the way his brows furrow as he stares down at his drink, looking lost in thought. 

“It’s not the easiest thing,” He says, pausing as if he’s searching for the right words to properly express himself. “Being in this world and maintaining relationships outside of it.” 

“Well, I’m not going anywhere, Yu-yah.” You risk Mingi waking up to move your hand from his hair to Yunho’s shoulder, squeezing in a way that you hope conveys the things you’re unable to say. “You’ll always have me.” 

“Yeah?” 

The way he looks at you makes the air in your lungs evaporate. The way his lips pull up into a lopsided smile is the same that you’ve always felt so strangely protective over, and if you lean back against his arm just a smidge you hope none of the others can see it. 

“No matter the crazy shit that comes with this whole idol thing, neither of you are getting rid of me any time soon.” You say, fighting the heat on your face in order to keep eye contact, and you think you see something soften in him before Wooyoung’s voice breaks the moment. 

“You know some of us are still awake right?” 

The eye contact is broken, the tension between you fizzling out and you can’t resist the urge to pull on the tresses of hair still at your fingertips, the resulting yelp from Wooyoung startling Mingi from his sleep, and none of you can even begin to explain when he asks what just happened. 

It’s not the first time it happens, nor will it be the last. 

You’re not a celebrity, almost as far from one as a person could get in fact. But appearing on Yunho and Mingi’s socials frequently and now on the official Ateez channels as part of a short dance clip to promote their new comeback, has given you more attention from people than before and with that comes certain… difficulties, shall we say? 

They’re not Atiny, not even the boys give them that title because they don’t deserve it. This small group of people who go through every post you’re in with them to spew hateful comments. The ones who see your studio tagged in the videos and harass the owner and other instructors because of it. The ones who find out where you work and visit you in person. 

The last one has only happened two times since the boys debuted and hasn’t even been that bad objectively speaking, but it’s scary nonetheless and you remember both as if they happened yesterday. 

Today marks the third, the worst one so far. 

It’s a morning shift and you’ve been here since 5 am to set everything up in time for when you open. It’s an unusually busy morning for some reason, the coffeeshop is almost packed and even you’re struggling to keep up which is saying a lot. 

You’re fully focused on your tasks, juggling more of them than usual given the rush, which is why you don’t see it coming. 

You take note of the raised voice, sure, but however rude it may be it’s not unusual for people to be on their phones while they wait their turn in line, their voices louder than they need to be. So, you only really notice anything wrong when the voice keeps getting closer and louder, and by the time you look up at the person who’s approached you it’s too late. 

A girl is screaming at you at the top of her lungs, her pale face bright red beneath the mask she’s used to disguise herself, and before you can say anything, she’s snatched the drink out of the closest patron’s hands and thrown it at your face. 

For a moment you just stand there, frozen, waiting for the coffee to start burning past the shock but it doesn’t come. Iced milk coffee is dripping down your face and hair, soaking your shirt and apron, while the girl just keeps screaming at you to leave her boyfriends alone and how you should die for touching them. 

Their names out of her mouth are what snaps you out of it. Your eyes are as cold as the drink soaking into your clothes and chilling your skin as you start to make your way around the counter, crowd parting like the red sea to let you through. 

You don’t know if you say anything to her, your heartbeat is too loud in your ears to hear anything, but you can see her start to move back as you advance, her eyes widened in fright as she no doubt expected you to just let her abuse you without consequences. 

It’s only when Jeongin’s arms wrap around you that you fully come out of it, the red mist at the edges of your vision dimming as you blink back at him over your shoulder, giving the girl ample opportunity to run out the door. 

“It’s okay,” Your coworker says, loosening his hold on you somewhat when you don’t appear likely to try and throw him off. “You’re okay.” 

You want to tell him that you know you’re okay. You want to yell at him for stopping you getting to the girl, for holding you back from teaching her a lesson she’d never forget. But you can’t. 

You’re unable to form words, your mind trying to conjure them but your lips won’t move. All you can taste and smell is coffee, and the sticky feeling of milk on your skin grosses you out while your mind quietly and unhelpfully wonders how much caffeine was in what got in your mouth. 

The only thing you can do is stare at the younger man when he leads you to the back of the shop, as you hear the voice of your manager taking control of the situation. You don’t know if she heard the commotion from her office or if someone went to get her, but knowing she’s out there and you’re not the senior on the floor finally makes you relax. 

Jeongin sits you down on the bench by the lockers and it’s not until he squeezes your shoulders that you realize you’re shaking. 

“It’s okay.” He says, frankly looking more panicked than you feel and like he’s the one who needs the comfort more than you. “You’re okay.” 

“I’m fine, Innie.” You say and even though you’re trembling, your voice shows almost no sign of distress which quite honestly should be distressing. “I just need to wash up and get some clean clothes, and I can get back to work.” 

“What? No! Are you crazy?” 

You can tell he’s holding himself back from shaking you by the shoulders and you reach up to grasp his wrists before pulling him away. 

“It’s just coffee.” You say and if you had the energy you’d laugh at the look on his face. 

Logically you know it’s not just coffee, that the trembling and the numbness are signs that you’re in fact not doing well and it’s just taking longer for your brain to process what your body is already dealing with. But all you can feel is how sticky you are and how badly you want your colleague to not look so terrified anymore.  

Apart from that you’re fine. 

It’s just coffee. 

When their manager, Mr Lee, comes to them in the middle of their photoshoot, they know something’s up. 

The photographer has needed to make some changes to the set mid-way through the thing, so the boys are all lounging around with their fans and snacks, quiet banter going on between them while some of them have their makeup touched up. 

So, although the man isn’t technically interrupting anything, his swift exit when his phone rang, and the way he walks back to them has everyone on edge. 

“What’s wrong, Lee-ssi?” Hongjoong asks, taking in the man’s closed off expression, one he only really gives when he needs to convey bad news. 

“There has been an incident involving your friend at the coffeeshop she works at.” He says, watching as Yunho and Mingi shoot to their feet and the others stiffen in their seats. 

“Bunny?” Mingi asks, chills racing down his spine when Mr Lee confirms with your real name. 

“She looks to be alright from what I’ve seen, but she was attacked, and according to the videos that’s been posted the police have gotten involved. And I’m telling you this now because her attacker was very vocal about the group so it’s trending and we’d rather you find out from us than the internet. 

“What happened?” San asks, his voice shaking as Seonghwa reaches over to take his hand. 

“Was it because of us?” Yunho’s voice cuts through what little noise surrounds them on set, tone darker than any of them have ever heard it before. 

“We’re not sure.” Mr Lee says but it’s clear to everyone that he’s sparing them the truth. “According to multiple posters there was no ambulance at the scene so if she is injured, it shouldn’t be anything serious.” 

“Can we go see her?” Mingi asks with tears in his eyes, and no one pays attention to the makeup artists who flit about in their peripherals antsy about him possibly ruining his makeup. 

“We just need to know she’s okay, Lee-ssi.” Wooyoung backs him up, squeezing his trembling hand as he looks up at their manager. 

“Not right now,” Mr Lee says, looking ready to be beheaded for his words. “The shoot is still taking place, and we can’t just leave in the middle of it.” 

While loud voices begin to argue, Yunho takes out his phone, ignoring the way his hands are shaking as he dials your number only to go straight to voicemail. 

“Fuck work.” Wooyoung argues, getting up from his seat. “She’s our friend.” 

“Lee-ssi is right.” Hongjoong says from where he’s been sitting mostly quietly, watching it all unfold. 

“Are you serious, dude?” Mingi asks, sadness moving into anger at his captain’s words. 

“There’s nothing we can do right in this moment except aggravate the situation, and the quicker we get this shoot over with, the quicker we can get to the bottom of what happened and how she’s doing. Does that seem fair?” 

There are some objections, but the set has been finished and the photographer is ready, so regardless of anyone’s feelings about the issue, work inevitably comes first. 

Before Mr Lee takes Yunho’s phone, the idol manages to send off a series of texts to you letting you know he’s heard what happened, asking if you’re alright, and making sure you know that if it wasn’t for them not being allowed to leave, he and Mingi would have been at your side the moment they found out. 

You don’t text him back before the phone is safe in Mr Lee’s hands, and it’s lucky that the concept for the shoot is an intense one because the air around all eight of them is heavy as they make their way back under the lights. 

Mingi is doing his best not to glare at Hongjoong, aiming his eyes at the camera instead, Wooyoung’s usual smile is nowhere to be seen, and everyone’s outrage at the situation is clear as day. 

But no one beats Yunho. He looks downright murderous, ready to maim, and when the photographer’s assistant comes up to Mr Lee to ask him if it would be possible to get Yunho to tone it down a bit to match the others, the manager can only shake his head. 

There is no world in which he’s paid enough to try to redirect the idol’s anger, and when the poor assistant returns to her boss, the man has no choice than to rework the concept to put Yunho as the center as opposed to Wooyoung. 

A single glance at the pictures on the monitor, and it’s going to be obvious when the photos come out what the situation was that preceded them. They’ve never looked deadlier, and even though the grim aura around them is lessened through the camera, the resulting pictures are quite literally terrifying. 

After that, the shoot ends pretty quickly, and Yunho can’t help but snatch his phone back from Mr Lee the moment he’s able. He’ll have to apologize properly to the man later but right now you’re the only thing on his mind. 

Even though it’s been a minute, Mingi’s hands are still shaking too much to hold his own phone without dropping it, so he relies on Yunho to communicate with you, glancing over his shoulder at the texts he keeps sending as the group makes their way to the van. 

“Guys, she answered!” Mingi finally yells when a message comes into the chat, giving them your first sign of life since the incident, and they flock around Yunho as best they can in their seats to not miss anything. 

“Is she okay?” San asks, hanging over Mingi’s shoulder to try and read the message while Wooyoung and Hongjoong are doing the same over Yunho’s. 

“She says she’s fine.” The man grumbles, foregoing texting you back and just calling you, knowing you have a harder time omitting certain truths when he can hear your voice. He doesn’t go for a video call this time though, partly because all the boys are watching but mostly because if you are injured he doesn’t want to put you on the spot and make you feel bad about it. 

“Yu-yah, I told you I’m fine.” You answer with a sigh, putting the call on speaker while you get yourself a glass of water for your painkiller. 

“And I don’t believe you.” Comes his simple answer and a shiver goes through you at the cold anger in his voice. “We’re coming over.” 

“No, you’re fucking not.” You stress, thinking about barricading your door but knowing your friends it’s not like it would actually stop them. “I promise I’m okay. Just… don’t watch the videos, it looks a lot worse than it is.” 

You can hear voices in the background, and you realize Yunho and Mingi aren’t the only ones trying to figure out how you’re doing. 

“Am I on speaker?” You ask before taking your painkiller and washing it with most of the water. 

“No.” Yunho says, tone shifted into an ever so slightly softer one. “That’s Mingi’s bad habit.” 

“Right, well, can you put me on? I need to say something to all of you if that’s okay?” 

“Hi, noona.” Wooyoung’s voice comes through the phone after a beat, too soft and gentle for your liking. 

“How are you feeling?” Mingi asks and you can tell he’s either been crying or is close to it, and you hate that this shit is spilling over on him. 

“I’m okay. Tired and a little jumpy but other than that, I’m good. The police were nice enough to drive me home after they were done taking statements, so I’ve just been sleeping it off since I got back.” 

“We’re so glad you’re safe, Bunny.” Hongjoong says and the sentiment is echoed by everyone around him, and you completely blame everything that’s happened today for the tears gathering in your eyes. 

“Would you like us to come over?” Seonghwa says in a gentle enough tone that your chest actually hurts. “Lee-ssi said we can stop on our way back.” 

“That’s really sweet of you, Seonghwa-ssi,” You say, trying to keep the tears at bay. “But I think I just need to get some more rest, plus I honestly don’t think all of you would fit in my apartment.” 

“You’d be surprised at how compact we can be when we try.” Jongho pipes up from wherever he’s sitting, and you can’t help laugh at the comment. 

“For some reason, I believe you.” You say and the sound of resounding chuckles on the other end makes you feel a little lighter inside. “But no, you guys go back home and rest. My dad’s already been to check on me, so I’m okay.” 

“So, if we call him, will he say that too?” Mingi asks, sounding skeptical but you suppose you can’t really blame him. If the roles were reversed, you’d assume he wouldn’t want to worry his mom by telling her either. 

“Yes, he will. And he actually misses you guys, so maybe give him a call regardless.” You chuckle, taking a breath before your next words. “Listen, I know you’re all probably feeling a lot of different things right now and that’s okay, but just… Please don’t think that this has anything to do with you guys. You didn’t cause this, some insane person with no life and far too much entitlement did, and that doesn’t reflect on you or your fanbase in any way. You got me?” 

The beat of silence that follows speaks volumes but before you can keep going, Yeosang speaks up. 

“It’s just hard to believe that when this happened as a clear result of us making you spend time with us.” 

By the sounds the follow the others agree and you take a moment to get the right words together. 

“You’ve never made me do anything I didn’t already want to do. I like hanging out with you guys, probably more than I should, but we’ve all known stuff like this happens. It’s reality and if getting a couple of days off work is the price I have to pay to be friendly with all of you, then I’m more than willing to pay it. Cause you’re worth it.” 

It seems no one really knows what to say after that, and you kind of regret making things awkward even though you meant every word, but when San’s voice comes through the phone, all soft and cautious, you’re able to focus on something else again. 

“Can we see you soon though? Cause I don’t know about you but I need at least ten hugs to feel okay again.” 

“Yes, you can, Sannie. My manager gave me the rest of the week off, so I’ll be able to drop by when it’s convenient for you guys.” 

“Convenient, my ass.” One of them mutters only to yelp when someone, most likely Hongjoong, smacks them for it. “What? She’s always talking like that, as if it’s a burden to see her or some shit.” 

Of course it’s Wooyoung. 

“You guys are busier than me, that’s all.” You explain as if that’s the whole reason for it, but you doubt any of them actually believe you. 

“Just get some rest.” Yunho speaks up for the first time in a bit and even though you know he’s just worried, the comment undoubtedly feels a little dismissive, like talking to you about this is exhausting and he’d rather just cut it short. 

“Mhm,” You say, feeling the tension from the boys through the phone, and wanting to get away from it as quick as possible. “Promise. Have a safe trip home.” 

The atmosphere in the van is tense when the call disconnects, and this time it’s not coming from Yunho. 

All the boys are staring at the man at various intensities, and even Mr Lee is glancing back in the rear-view mirror at him, but no one says anything about it. 

“What the fuck was that about?” 

Except for Wooyoung. 

“What?” Yunho asks tersely, looking up from his phone to see everyone’s eyes on him. 

“You were being a dick.” The younger says, his voice loud and clear in the otherwise silent car. “Hasn’t she been through enough today?” 

“No, I wasn’t.” The dancer argues but there’s a trickle of icy regret making its way down his spine, and when Mingi’s soft voice fills the space, the trickle turns into a downpour. 

“You kind of were, dude. Sounded like you couldn’t get off the phone fast enough.” 

Yunho looks at his best friend, and the clear disappointment on his face takes him aback. It’s rare for Mingi to look at him with anything other than love and admiration, and the shift is disturbing enough that Yunho can’t even find it in him to stutter out an excuse. 

He didn’t mean anything by it. He just wanted you to rest instead of trying to assure them that they played no part in what’s happened to you, but there’s a reason why he tends to keep his mouth shut when he’s upset and just lets his eyes do the talking. 

For someone who’s seen as the happy go lucky golden retriever, angry Yunho is scary and the filter he has for his less palatable emotions has never been as strong as he’d like it to be. So, for his tone to go cold and his words to come out harsh, isn’t surprising per se, but it might have been the worst time for it to happen. 

Because he’s not angry at you, he actually can’t think of single time he’s ever been this upset by something you’ve done or said. 

He’s angry about the situation. Furious that you’ve ended up in the middle of something that should have never involved you in the first place. Horrified that someone has come to your work, a place that should be safe, and hurt you because of them. 

Because of him. 

He's been the one insisting that you join them for pictures.  

He's the one suggesting you film dance challenges with him and Mingi. 

He's who’s been tagging the studio in his posts. 

He's the one who swings by the coffeeshop when he knows you’re working. 

He’s been trying to include you in their lives without ever taking your comfort, or your safety, into account. 

And for you to say that he plays no part in it like he’s not the main reason for you being attacked at your workplace, makes him angrier than he thinks he’s ever been. 

But he’s angry at your attacker. 

And he’s angry at himself. 

Never you. 

“I think we all need to step away from the situation when we get home,” Hongjoong says, having been quiet for most of the call and what’s followed after it. “Take some time to decompress, get our heads on straight, and then we can focus on what needs to be done.” 

The way he looks at Yunho before his eyes move on to each of the other members couldn’t be a clearer "Apologize to her and make this right" than if he screamed it at him at the top of his lungs, and if Yunho didn’t think he’d be able to feel more shame, he’s just been disproven. 

Everyone in the car agrees, some less enthusiastically than others, and all Yunho can manage is a nod before he turns to stare out the window for the rest of the trip back to their building. 

The guilt, shame and anger cling onto him like a wet piece of cloth, and even though the others’ eyes are still on him, the only thing he can do is focus on how he’s going to make this right. 

Because he promised not to hurt you and he’s failed. 

Again. 

Yunho can’t sleep. 

It shouldn’t be surprising given the events of the day but sleep normally doesn’t evade him to this degree.  

He’s been in bed, staring at the ceiling for hours, debating whether to text you or let you rest until the morning. 

Every time he closes his eyes, he sees the video you told them not to watch. 

He sees you getting assaulted and humiliated in your workplace by a rabid sasaeng. 

The empty look on your face as you go to confront her. 

The way your coworker holds you and leads you away from the chaos. 

The way your attacker flees like a coward, and the police officers arriving on the scene. 

You shouldn’t have been in that situation. And Yunho sure as shit shouldn’t have spoken to you the way he did, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him lately. 

He’s always cared about you, always kept you close and protected you whenever he’s been able, regardless of how big the threat was. You’re one of the most important people in his life, but he’s never screwed up like this before with you. 

He never used to put his foot in his mouth around you this often, never let his emotions take over like he has over the course of he doesn’t know how long. 

Things are just feeling more intense now, the stakes feel so much higher, and he’s found himself stressing about making sure you know you’ll always have a place in his life. As if one day he’ll look up and you’ll no longer be waiting there for him like you always have. 

The cold shoulder he’s been getting from the guys since the phone call in the car isn’t exactly helping him fall asleep either. 

Their individual apartments, while still in the same building and literally an elevator ride away from each other, mean that as soon as they arrived, they all went off to their own spaces in silence and quite demonstratively so. 

Hongjoong, Yeosang and Seonghwa were the only ones who even said goodbye to him when they split from him, everyone else basically shoulder checking him on their way out of the elevator. And the worst part is, he can’t even argue that he didn’t deserve it. 

He’d let his worry and feelings of failure to protect you overshadow what was actually important, namely your feelings, and from the lack of any further communication from you, he’s pretty sure you heard what the boys heard in his voice. 

It’s only when his ears fill with water that he realizes he’s started crying. The tears stream down the sides of his face and into his ears and it makes him feel so pathetic he can’t lay still in bed anymore. 

He grabs his phone and disconnects it from the charger, the screen blinding him for a moment, but he doesn’t need his sight to find your chat. 

The last message in there is yours, letting him know you were okay, after which he’d called you in the van, and he doesn’t allow himself to think as he quickly types out his message and hits send. 

Your phone vibrates on the nightstand, but it doesn’t stir you awake. Because you’re not sleeping. You haven’t been able to since the call from the boys. 

You had gotten a couple of hours of rest after you got home, which was why you’d missed Yunho’s call at first, but since then you’ve been wide awake, unable to fall asleep. 

It’s not that you’re not tired, because you are. Exhausted might even be the more accurate description, but your thoughts just won’t stop racing, granting you no reprieve. 

At some point in the night, you moved from your seat on the little couch to the bed, hoping that that would make a difference and trick your brain into letting you rest but you’d had no such luck. 

So, while normally getting texts in the middle of the night would be enough to wake you and put you in a bad mood, it’s now a welcomed distraction. 

Seeing Yunho’s name is conflicting, your soul calmed by the idea of him but your mind speeding up, and for a brief millisecond you consider leaving him on read for the first time. 

But you can’t. 

Because it’s Yunho. 

“Are you sleeping?” 

It’s a simple message. Short and to the point, but it means something more to you, and you can’t help but feel a little anxious as you hit him back. 

“Can’t seem to fall asleep. You?” 

“Me neither.” Comes his quick reply, and you’re watching the typing bubble pop up and disappear three times before his next message comes through. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you. You didn’t deserve it, especially after the day you had.” 

You want to type back that it’s okay, that you know he didn’t mean it, and to not worry. But you’re tired and kind of cold and your head hurts, and you don’t have the energy to spare his feelings right now. 

“Thank you,” You type back instead, biting your lip as you consider the best way to get the words out to not cause any more misunderstandings. “It did feel a little dismissive even though I realize you were probably just worried, so I appreciate you saying something.” 

It sounds so formal when you read it back, but it is what it is, and you frankly don’t have the energy to try and make it into something else. 

“How are you feeling?” Comes Yunho’s next text, a silent acceptance of your words and an attempt to focus his attention back on you where he undoubtedly feels it belongs. 

“Would you believe me if I said I feel fine?” 

Not even five seconds before his one-word reply. 

“No.” 

“I didn’t feel bad when you called earlier though.” You write, an attempt to explain that you hadn’t lied to him before. “I really was just tired then.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He sends back, lifting a weight off your chest and you hate how emotional you’re being as tears gather in your eyes once again. “You wouldn’t have told me straight out if you were struggling, but you wouldn’t have lied. Sounds like it all just caught up with you.” 

“Yeah.” Your fingers hover over the keys, unsure of what more to say but Yunho’s reply saves you from having to come up with anything. 

“Do you have someone with you?” 

“No,” You send back, glad to be answering questions instead of having to come up with something of your own to say. “Dad had to go back home, and I really did think I was okay until a couple of hours ago.” 

“Do you want me to come over?” 

You stare at the text. 

Want, need, and should are three very different things, and it’s causing a war inside of you. 

Do you want him to come over? Yes. You miss him so much it hurts, and you want him to hug you and chase away the chill that’s been residing in you since the call. 

Do you need him to come over? No. It’s not a life-or-death situation, and you know you’ll survive if he doesn’t. 

Should he come over? Also, probably no. You’ve seen the videos, the posts on social media, and the comments. While an overwhelming majority of them are positive and not blaming you or the boys for the incident, they and the company have to walk a very thin line for this not to turn into a scandal. It’s bad enough that there’s an actual investigation of assault opened, and their name is now attached to it, and Yunho going out in the middle of the night to see you could very well tip the scale and cause them more difficulty in the court of public opinion. 

You remember the incident with Jessi and how horribly she was treated afterwards, and that happening to the group because of you would be your worst nightmare come to life. 

“Bunny?” Yunho double texts when you haven’t answered his question, too lost in your racing thoughts to even begin to think of an answer. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” You settle on even though the thought of not being able to hug him is making you cry harder. 

“Because you don’t want me there or because of what people might say?” 

He does use that big brain of his for some things after all, and you can’t decide if you’re grateful or annoyed that he’s chosen this moment to do so. 

“I’ve never not wanted you here, Yu-yah.” You settle on. It’s not quite an admission but it’s not a dismissal either, and you feel like a bitch for not just saying what you want to say, but straight out asking him for comfort is too big a leap for your prideful soul to take. 

“Well, that’s good cause I’m outside the building and if you’d said otherwise this would be way too fucking awkward.” 

And just like that your tears stop. Your body tenses then relaxes minutely. The haze of exhaustion is gone with the wind. 

He’s here. 

He came. 

You want to berate him for doing this shit on his own, for risking too much for you. 

“Come up.” 

But you don’t. 

Do you need him?  

The final answer to that question turns out to be a shameful yes. 

Yes, you do. 

Yunho lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding, finally blinking as he looks up from his phone to where he knows your apartment is. Though to be fair, even if he didn’t know it would be obvious when a sole window lights up among all the other dark ones. 

He lets himself into the building (he and Mingi have had access since the moment you moved in) and makes his way up to your floor as silently as he can, not wanting to bother any other occupants. 

He goes to give your door a light knock, but you open the door before he can even raise his hand, the fact that you’ve seen him on the door camera the only reason he’s not scolding you for opening your door to someone in the middle of the night. 

“Come in.” You whisper, taking his hand to pull him inside before he can say anything, and closes the door behind him. 

“I thought you said you weren’t hurt.” Is the first thing he says, eyes glued to the band-aid just below your hairline.  

“It’s nothing to worry about, Yu-yah.” You say with a slight roll of your eyes, breath hitching when your friend’s hands come up to cup your face to angle it so he can see it better. “Seriously. The mug the bitch threw just cut me a little bit. There was barely even any blood, and you know how crazy head wounds usually bleed.” 

“Does it hurt?” He says, ignoring your words of assurance as one of his thumbs ever so lightly brushes the edge of the plaster, watching your eyes fluttering shut at the soft touch. 

“A little bit.” You breathe, hating the tears that once again spring into your eyes at his care. “But it’s not that bad.” 

If the touch of his thumb made your breath stutter, the feeling of his lips pressing the softest kiss to the band-aid has the air in your lungs evaporating, and you’re sure you must look like an idiot tearily blinking up at him when he pulls back. 

“I’m so sorry, Bunny.” He whispers and the tears shining in his own eyes have you freaking out. 

“Please don’t apologize.” You stress, grabbing a hold of his wrists and squeezing as if that’ll get your words across to him. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

“Someone hurt you-” 

“You didn’t force them to do it.” You say, doing your best to stare into his eyes even though his face is all blurry through your tears. “And if you keep saying shit like that, I’m going to fucking punch you, are we clear?” 

“Please don’t,” Yunho lets out a wet laugh, pulling you into a hug that manages to heal something inside you that you didn’t even know had been broken. “I swear I’m still bruised from last time.” 

“That’s literally impossible.” 

“It hurts.” 

“It was months ago, Yu-yah.” 

“You’re strong as fuck, Bun.” He says, chuckling at the roll of your eyes but you don’t push him away like you normally would at his teasing, eerily telling of how the incident has impacted your mental state. 

“Do you need to get back soon?” You ask into his shoulder, only realizing how clingy you’re being when you speak but Yunho just hugs you tighter. 

“Nope. I texted Lee-ssi before I left so he knows where I am and to pick me up here tomorrow if you want me to stay.” 

“God, he must hate me.” You scoff and from the way Yunho stiffens, you know he’d pinch you for the comment if he wasn’t worried about hurting you. 

“He doesn’t hate you,” He says instead, hands caressing your back and shoulders as he rests his head on top of yours. “No one does. I’m pretty sure he was surprised I didn’t come here sooner.” 

“Mingi’s going to be upset you didn’t bring him.” You can’t help but chuckle, his words hitting just right and helping you relax further. 

“He’ll understand.” 

“Will he?” You pull back a little to look up at him, the skepticism clear on your face. 

“Yeah.” Yunho nods, sounding so confident you actually find yourself believing him. “He will.” 

“So, you’re staying then?” You ask, going back to the original topic when you find you can’t argue about Mingi. 

“If you want me to.” He says, meeting your gaze and you’re glad to realize that neither of you are crying anymore. 

“Are you going to make me say it?” You deadpan, putting all of your energy into not breaking when he laughs that beautiful inhale-y laugh of his that makes your soul feel all fuzzy. 

“Would I ever do that?”  

“100%” You glare but the joy in his eyes just increase at the sight of it, and you can’t help but pout when he pulls you close again. 

“Too cute.” He chuckles, giving you a squeeze. 

“Shut up.” You groan as if you’re annoyed, giving him a slight push so you can step out of his hold even though all you want is to stay in it, and rolling your eyes when he looks at you like a kicked puppy. “Unless you plan on spending the night in the hallway, you need to take your shoes off, you dork.” 

His pretty face splits into that adorable grin and you swear he almost falls over with how eagerly he starts moving. 

“Do you want some tea or something?” You ask as you turn around to move to the little kitchenette, struggling with keeping the giggles at bay. 

“Um, yeah, that’d be nice.” Yunho says and you’re almost surprised you can’t hear him crashing to the floor with how much he seems to struggle with his shoes. 

“Alright.” You call back, filling up the kettle, and you’re working on getting two mugs ready when he comes up behind you. 

“Hi.” He says softly, attaching himself to you again with his arms around your waist in a move that feels far more intimate than anything he’s ever done before. 

“H-hey.” You manage to stutter out, breath stuck in your throat with your heartbeat screaming in your ears. 

“So, what’s the plan?” He asks so softly he’s almost whispering, and you’re immensely grateful for the hoodie you’re wearing so he can’t see the goosebumps racing down your arms at the sound. 

“Maybe a movie?” You say, and you should get a fucking Oscar for the way you manage to keep your voice steady when all you want to do is melt into a puddle. “And see if we can get some sleep?” 

“You got an extra pillow for the couch?” He asks, squeezing you one last time before taking a small step back to let you fix the tea without him crowding you. 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch.” You scoff like it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever said, which when it comes to Yunho says quite a lot. 

“You want me on the bed with you?” He asks, looking like a human question mark when you nudge him aside to grab some milk from the fridge. 

“You take one look at that couch and tell me how either of us could fit on that thing without folding up like a lawn chair.” 

Even though he’s seen it probably a thousand times, he does turn to look at it. 

The thing is tiny even for a two-seater and you know there’s no way Yunho is going to be able to find a way to fall asleep on it, so you just grab both mugs of tea and head over to the bed, leaving him to finish his thinking.  

It doesn’t take long, and he soon joins you, settling next to you on the bed before grabbing his tea from the little nightstand, careful not to spill any of it. 

Because you’ve had a bad day, Yunho lets you pick the movie, but you can’t stop yourself from putting on one of the Spiderman movies, just needing to see the unbridled joy on his face when he realizes. 

He knows every line by heart and the soft whispers of him mouthing along to the dialogue is familiar and relaxes you like nothing else ever can, and you take the liberty of snuggling up to him when you’ve finished your tea and the mug is out of your hands. 

You’re not really watching the movie, but then again you were never planning on it, and Yunho knows it. He knows you have trouble falling asleep in a completely silent room, so he lets you make yourself comfortable against him and lowers the volume a bit to help you relax. 

“Yu-yah.” You mumble into his chest, subconsciously clutching his sweater as you begin to drift off. 

“Yeah, Bunny?” He answers, allowing himself to caress your arm in the hopes of relaxing you further. 

“Thank you for staying with me.” 

If you were more awake, more aware, you’d hear the way his heart picks up speed at your mumbled confession, but you’re completely unaware as you finally drift off to sleep. 

Yunho finishes the movie before he allows himself to even think about sleeping, too worried that turning it off might wake you up. So, he makes sure you’re well and truly asleep before he turns the tv off and finally allows himself to relax. 

He would have thought being next to you would make him unable to actually fall asleep. But having you so close, knowing you’re safe and that he’s able to protect you if something is to happen, has him the most relaxed he’s felt all day and he’s soon drifting off to sleep as well, for the most restful sleep he’s had in a while. 

“Look, I’m sorry.” Your date says, looking just as uncomfortable as when he sat down across from you. “You’re just not my type.” 

It doesn’t matter how many times you hear some iteration of the same sentiment: it still hurts. 

“That’s alright,” You say, putting the perfect amount of indifferent understanding in your tone as you lean forward to shake his hand. “At least now maybe Meeyon will stop nagging us to meet up.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, you seem great and all. I just prefer my girlfriends more… feminine.” 

It takes everything in you not to self-consciously glance down at what you’re wearing. You’d actually dressed up for this blind date, but even that doesn’t seem to have been enough. 

“No, I get it. I prefer my men to look manly, so I guess we’re just not compatible.” 

It’s petty, and the guy can’t help what he likes, but in this moment you don’t really care. Have your preferences but don’t be fucking rude about it! 

Your date looks genuinely offended at your words and you can’t help but relax your smile, resting bitch face finally allowed to settle back into place where it belongs. 

Don’t dish it if you can’t take it, dude. 

“He said fucking what?” Mingi exclaims, sounding even more offended than you felt in the moment. 

“Yeah.” You sigh, splaying out on your bed, willing yourself not to cry over someone who literally doesn’t matter. “According to him, Meeyon hadn’t mentioned a single thing about me, which I can honestly feel makes it his fault for not asking for details if he’s that picky.” 

“Even if he had, what’s not to love?” Mingi continues, working himself up into a rant that your ego quite honestly needs right now. “You’re funny, you’re gorgeous, you’re absolutely terrifying, take no shit from anyone, you’re the perfect height for me not to hurt my neck any time I want to look at you, and you’re like the best person I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a lot since the last time I told you that!” 

“Since when is terrifying a good quality?” 

“Since it keeps people on their toes. Do you have any idea how amusing it is to watch guys think they have a chance with you only to have you shoot them down with just a stare? It’s the fucking best!” 

“I love you, Minki, you know that, right?” You let out a chuckle as you rub your stinging eyes.  

You’d promised yourself you wouldn’t cry over assholes that couldn’t see past the physical ever again, but goddammit it’s like a reoccurring nightmare that you can’t seem to wake up from. 

“Are you crying, Bun?” The rapper asks, his voice soft and caring. 

“No.” You say but he’s not stupid, he’s observant as fuck, and you’ve never been able to hide your emotions from him. “I’m just sick of never being wanted for me, you know? I could smile more, dress more girly and pretend to laugh at shit I don’t find funny, but for what?” 

Mingi’s silence is a choice, he always knows when you need a moment to gather yourself, and when you continue, he can hear the tears in your voice even clearer than before. 

“I just want to be enough for someone the way I am, you know?” 

And Mingi does know. 

He’s seen it since you were teenagers.

The way you’ve fought so hard to not compromise yourself to be what society expected from you. The pain in your eyes every time you'd laugh off another rejection from some dickhead who couldn’t handle being seen with a girl taller than him, who danced better than him, who didn’t laugh at his shitty sense of humor. The way your walls grew taller for every stare, whispered comment, and insult you had to put up with simply because of your height and the way you chose to express yourself. 

“Do you need some best friend quality time?” He asks, Mr Lee catching his attention indicating that he’s needed on set in 10 minutes, and Mingi nods that he understands. 

“You know what, I think I do, yeah.” You say and he can hear the sniffle you try to hide from him. 

“I’m stuck here for another couple of hours, so I’ll send Yunho your way.” 

“You know I can’t talk to him about this shit.” You groan into your pillow, the muffled voice making it obvious. 

“So, don’t. I’ll just tell him you had a shitty closing shift last night, and you need to spend some time with him today. No biggie.” 

“Minki-” 

“Look, I know he’s been a bit weird around you lately but he’s still your best friend who loves you more than anything. Trust me on this, okay?” 

He can hear you thinking about it, and not for the first time he wishes the two of you would just talk to each other so he won’t have to play the diplomat with both of you, doing his best to keep everything together without breaking either of your trusts. 

“Fine.” You sigh and a weight lifts off Mingi’s shoulders knowing you won’t be on your own with your thoughts. “Tell him I’ll meet him at Kotton in an hour.” 

“Thank you!” Mingi can’t help but smile listening to your responding chuckle. 

“Not sure what you’re thanking me for, but you’re welcome. Now go knock ‘em dead, Princess.” 

The sadness in you has lessened slightly by the time you see Yunho walking up to the little out of sight coffeeshop, mask covering his face but his newly dyed black hair uncovered now that it doesn’t stand out as much in a crowd. 

He’s dressed casually to avoid attention, but he still looks distinguished, and you immediately regret having changed out of your date clothes. It takes some effort to not to feel out of place in your usual cargo pants, cap and hoodie, but when your best friend pulls you in for a quick hug, you almost forget to feel self-conscious. 

“How are you?” He asks, hand lightly tracing your lower back before he lets you go, and you blame the warmth coming from the coffeeshop for the heat spreading across your face at the gesture. 

“Better now.” You say honestly, unable to stop the smile settling onto your features when you look up at him. 

“Yeah?” The crinkling of his eyes makes it clear he’s grinning back at you and something warm settles in your chest when you nod back, feeling his fingers briefly caressing yours before he pulls back a smidge. 

Something has shifted between you since the night at your apartment. Neither of you have said anything about it, but the way his touch lingers on you longer, and the way you just can’t stop smiling when you look at him makes it obvious. 

There is something more between you. 

Something softer.  

Something more intimate. 

You’ve finally come to terms with what you’ve been fighting for years. 

You don’t just love Yunho. You’re in love with him. 

And the way he keeps looking at you, you’re dangerously close to thinking he might just be in love with you too. 

You’d felt a bit guilty going on the blind-date set up by your colleague given this new-found emotional direction, but it had been set up a while ago and Meeyon would have guilt-tripped you into the next millennium if you’d called it off.  

And even though your feelings on the subject of Yunho have become clearer, you’re not sure how to approach it. Because apart from you finally admitting the truth to yourself, nothing has really changed.  

The fear of the unknown is still there. 

The worry that a relationship could complicate things for him and the boys going forward hasn’t dissipated. 

The risk of destroying your friendship with him, and Mingi ending up in the middle of it, is still too great and the mere idea of it makes your insides hurt. 

You’re pretty sure you’re going to develop an ulcer if this goes on for much longer, but what can you do? Every time you’ve tried to broach the subject something has come up, or you’re simply unable to get the words out.

Looking up at his beautiful face, the risk of never seeing that soft smile of his again once the secret is out has made you incapable of telling him and so you’ve just been soaking up every little interaction like they’re drops of water and you’re a desert flower trying its best to just stay alive. 

The take-away cup is warm in your hands as you walk the streets together, talking about everything and nothing like you always do, the wind rustling your hair and leaving you both to move closer together to keep warm. 

You have no set destination, no plans that you’re running late for. You’re just walking around where your feet take you, lost in each other’s company and conversation, and it’s as close to perfect as it can get. 

“Yunho oppa!” The girls calling for him makes you flinch, and you have to fight the new instinct to hide behind him as they approach, ecstatic smiles on their faces and phones in their hands. 

You know they’re recording but they’re not sticking the devices in your faces, thank god, and the fact that they’re few in number and keeping enough distance for neither of you to feel crowded is enough for Yunho to stop, his eyes crinkling with a smile as he begins chatting with them. 

Your hackles are still raised, glancing around you to ensure that no mob is forming around you, but it’s a quiet day and most people out and about aren’t interested in the little group that’s formed around you. 

“We were at your last concert.” One of the girls says, gesturing to her friend who hasn’t said a word but looks at Yunho like he’s hung the moon. 

“Oh yeah? Did you enjoy it?” He asks with a smile, voice a perfect blend of sweet and professional that keeps the distance but still allows for a connection. 

“It was so good! You guys are unmatched when it comes to performing!” The girl all but squeals and her friend holds her hand to quietly ask her to take it down a notch. 

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Yunho says, tips of his ears red when another girl timidly asks him if he can maybe sign the photocard she carries in her wallet. “We love nothing more than to perform for our lovely Atiny.” 

You watch him in silence, pride pounding in your chest at how deserving he is of the praise and how comfortably he keeps the conversation going, when a new voice brings your attention back to the group. 

“Excuse me, miss…” The girl standing in front of you looks so cautious, as if she’s not sure whether addressing you is allowed or not. “You’re Bunny, aren’t you?” 

Yunho’s eyes snap from the photocard over to you, but he relaxes a bit when he sees you looking as comfortable as one could hope for in this kind of situation. 

“Um, yeah.” You say with a nod, trying not to look as awkward as you feel. “Yeah, that’s me.” 

“Oh my God, you’re an amazing dancer.” The girl breathes, like she’s somehow more star struck seeing you than Yunho, and much to your surprise, the other girls nod in agreement. 

“You’re so good.” The timid girl who pulled her friend back pipes up, blushing hard as she looks at you. 

“Oh, thank you.” You give an awkward chuckle, face on fire as you can feel Yunho’s proud eyes on you at the praise from his precious Atiny. 

“It’s so true though!” One of the other girls say excitedly, even jumping a little in place, but makes sure not to crowd you, for which you’re eternally grateful. “I wanted to sign up at your dance studio but didn’t want to seem all creepy, you know?” 

Yunho laughs and you can’t help but follow suit, most of the girls seeming to relax at the sound. 

“If you’re there to actually dance, it’s not creepy at all.” You say, glancing at Yunho to see if you’re doing good and when he nods in approval you feel okay to continue. “You’re welcome to drop by and sign up if you want, we have a trial class that takes you through the different styles we teach that people say is pretty good, if you’re interested.” 

The girls seem excited and some of them promise to sign up for it as long as you’re okay with it, and when you assure them that you are, they look at you like kids on Christmas morning. 

“Miss Bunny?” One of them says, grabbing your attention and when you turn to look at her, she looks nervous but deadly serious. “We just want you to know that we Atiny love you and love seeing you interact with the boys.” 

“Oh…” You don’t know what to say but someone else pipes up before you have to come up with something. 

“Yeah, what happened to you was shitty and that bitch deserves jail time, but please know that she’s not a part of us.” 

“Yeah, we love you! You’re so cool!” A third one says and although you’ve seen the support online, hearing it in person is completely different and entirely overwhelming, especially after the morning you’ve had. 

“Oh wow, um, thank you. So much.” You stammer, looking at Yunho for support only to find him positively beaming at you. “That- That means a lot.” 

“Anyways,” The girl who seems to be kind of their leader says when it’s clear you’re overwhelmed with the praise, winking at you. “We’ll let you get back to your date.” 

Your breath stops and you’re about to say something when Yunho’s voice sounds. 

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re not dating.” 

The words in themselves are fine. They’re factual. 

But the way he says them sends a trickle of ice water down your spine.  

Dismissive. 

Like it’s ridiculous to believe anything else. 

Like it’s delusional to think he’d be dating someone like you. 

You know it’s your brain being mean to you. Know the words from your blind date are still ringing in your head, but that doesn’t change how they make you feel. 

Some of the girls look a little uncomfortable at his answer, their eyes moving between you as you can’t help but stare at him. 

“So, oppa, what’s your type then?” Someone who hasn’t picked up what everyone else has asks, frowning when one of her friends jab her with her elbow. 

You hate that you’re actually curious to hear the answer, or maybe you’re just dreading it, because the words that come out of his mouth shatter your heart. 

“Someone sweet, I think. Caring. Someone who knows how to smile and joke around.” 

Everything you're not.

You’re not quite sure what happens after that. 

The girls disperse and you continue the walk, but you can’t hear anything Yunho’s saying. You merely nod along, trapped in your own mind while cursing yourself for ever going outside today. 

Lost in your thoughts, you don’t catch the worried glances Yunho throws your way, or how he frowns when he realizes you’re not listening, even when he asks you if you’re okay. 

All you know is that eventually you make it home, and you don’t even bother with a shower or food before you head back to bed, turning off your phone and cry yourself to sleep, hidden from the world underneath your covers. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?” 

Mingi’s voice is low and stern and immediately puts Yunho on high alert the second he walks through the door. 

“What are you talking about?” He asks, his worry over you still clinging onto him. He knew he shouldn’t have stopped to engage with the group of Atiny with you around, your assault still fresh in his mind. 

“Bunny.” Mingi simply says, his phone clutched in his hands as he stares at him. 

“What about her?” Yunho asks hurriedly, making his way over to the couch thinking something’s happened since he dropped you off at your place. “She called you?” 

“She didn’t have to.” Mingi sighs, bringing up something on his phone before all but shoving it at his friend. “One of the girls you met was on a live, now this is all over the internet.” 

Yunho’s brain is in panic mode, thinking back on the interaction and what was said but he can’t figure it out for himself, so he looks down at the phone and plays the video. 

“We’ll let you get back to your date.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re not dating.”

He recognizes the words, he knows he spoke them, but he’d been looking at what he was signing. Now he’s looking at you. 

You’re looking at him, your eyes glued to his face. 

The first word that comes to mind is heartbroken. You look like someone has just pulled a rug out from under you, and he watches your eyes widen as you stare unblinkingly at him with a pit forming in his stomach. 

You look positively heartbroken. 

“So, oppa, what’s your type then?” One of the girls says and he sees you blink, for a second looking like you’re willing tears not to fall but he has to be imagining that. 

“Someone sweet, I think. Caring. Someone who knows how to smile and joke around.”

He swears you look like he just punched you in the stomach, like something has snapped inside of you at his words. 

But he doesn’t understand why. 

“I don’t get it, what’s the problem?” 

Mingi looks like he’s on the verge of punching him, his friend’s genuine confusion the only thing that’s stopping him, and his next words are as slow and measured as he can make them. 

“You stood in front of a girl who has loved you for years, and told her your type is the complete opposite of her. That’s the problem.” 

It’s like he’s been dropped into an icy lake, literal chills racing across his skin as he just stares blankly at his friend. 

“What?” 

He doesn’t know which part of that statement his brain needs to tackle first.  

You love him? 

Since when? 

Why? 

What? 

“But…” Yunho has to swallow the lump of anxiety lodged in his throat. “I did describe her…” 

“Well, she doesn’t know that, does she?” Mingi groans, throwing himself down on the couch with a curse. “Do you know why I asked you to spend time with her today?” 

“…No.” Yunho feels like he’s about to cry. 

“Because she was nagged into going on a blind date with a guy who clearly doesn’t know his head from his ass and told her she needed to be more girly to be attractive. And I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but she’s always been told she laughs too little, acts too cold and doesn’t care about others. To the point where she’s actually started to believe it. So, I figured hanging out with someone who loves those things about her would help but you just went and made it worse.” 

Yunho just stands there. Staring at his best friend like he’s just told him the world is ending and that he’s the one who caused it. 

“I need to call her.” He croaks past the tears now running down his face, throwing Mingi’s phone back to its owner, before fumbling with his own. 

“No use. She’s turned it off.” Mingi sighs, looking over at his friend who by all means is looking absolutely distraught, starting to feel a little guilty for going so hard on him. 

He knows that for as intelligent as Yunho is, anything Bunny related has always been a bit of a blind spot for him, and for good reason. He’s spent years trying to convince himself that the love he feels for you is purely platonic, and he’s spent so much time pushing away anything that could challenge that notion that this reaction kind of makes sense. 

“Well, what do I do?” Yunho stares at him, desperation shining in those tear-filled eyes of his. “Mingi, what the fuck do I do?” 

“I don’t know, dude.” Mingi says, feeling like shit watching his friend deflate right in front of him. “I don’t think showing up at her place is going to be the best course of action either.” 

“It worked last time.” The dancer sniffles, roughly wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his sweater as he lowers himself down on the couch next to Mingi. 

“Yeah, well that was then and this is now.” The rapper shrugs, shifting to give Yunho more room. “Even if you did get a hold of her now, I don’t think she’d believe you.” 

“So, what now?” 

“Give her some time, talk to her tomorrow and clear it up. Wooyoung’s birthday party is this weekend, invite her and tell her you want her there and not as your friend.” 

“Dude, I’m-” 

“Listen, I know you’re scared of talking to her about it, but it’s time. Either tell her how you feel or set her free, cause she’s just suffering at this point. Fuck, we all are.” 

“All of you?” Yunho glances up at Mingi who looks at him like he really is a fucking moron. 

“It’s been clear from day one that you’ve been crushing on each other. Everyone sees it except for you two idiots. Why do you think everyone’s so clingy with her? They’ve been trying to push you into making a move for years.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Well, everyone except Sannie-hyung, I think. Pretty sure he just wants cuddles.” 

It takes him four whole days to actually talk to you. 

And it’s not for a lack of trying. 

The day after he broke your heart, you send a couple of messages in the group chat but ignore any questions about how you’re doing, and you leave his private messages on read. 

On day two you’re more active and start responding to him specifically but your tone is short and you’re acting like nothing has happened. He tries his best not to push when he asks you for a video call but you’re either busy or tired, and Yunho knows an excuse when he hears it. 

On the third day Mingi takes pity on him and asks you for a call. Not once has Yunho ever been jealous of your relationship with your mutual best friend, but when Mingi walks out of the studio to keep him from listening in, he feels like crying. 

He’d never ask to listen, and your privacy means everything to him, but he feels the distance and loss of warmth between you, and every second he can’t hear your voice hammers home just how badly he’s screwed up. 

The minutes tick by and after close to an hour, Mingi returns and when he sends his friend a look that doesn't spell out that he’s destroyed everything, Yunho swears he could kiss him. 

Day four is when he finally gets to hear your voice again, and the moment the call connects and you say his name, it knocks the air out of his lungs. 

“Yunho?” You repeat when he doesn’t answer, your tone guarded but soft, like you can’t help but care for him even though you’re the one hurting. 

“Yeah,” He clears his throat, blinking the tears away, willing the image of you away from his mind when it hurts too much. “Yeah, I’m here.” 

“Mingi said you wanted to talk, so…” You sound so awkward, and Yunho’s kicking himself for making you ever doubt yourself. 

“Yeah,” Is he even capable of saying anything else at this point? “How are you doing?” 

“I’m fine.” You say. Simple. Short. Dismissive. 

Yunho doesn’t know why he expected anything else. 

“Right, um-” God, when has he ever been this nervous with you? “So, listen, I wanted to apologize for the other day. I said some stuff that didn’t come out right, and I didn’t realize it hurt you until later.” 

“It’s fine.” You repeat and Yunho has never disliked the words more than now. 

“No, it’s really not. When I said we weren’t dating, it wasn’t my intention to make you think I’m not interested in you. I just didn’t want people to come after you again, I was trying to protect you, but I ended up doing the opposite.” 

“So, are you?” You say and for the first time since the call started, you’re letting some emotion color your tone. 

“Am I…?” 

“Interested in me.” 

Your words nearly make the phone slip from his grip and his face is burning as he struggles to hold onto it, not doubting he looks as red as a tomato. 

“Cause if you’re not, just tell me.” 

“No-” Yunho stops himself just in time as he realizes that’s a bad way to start. “Bunny, I am interested in you. Very interested actually.” 

Your silence scares him more than any words or screaming ever could and even he can hear the stress in his voice when he continues. 

“I’ve tried to see you as nothing but a friend for a long time cause I didn’t want to ruin anything or make you uncomfortable, but obviously that was the wrong choice. I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about you.” 

“You don’t have to tell what you think I want to hear because you’re afraid of losing me, Yunho.” The lack of nickname hurts his soul. “I’ll still be here for you regardless.” 

“That’s not what I’m doing at all.” He says, your name soft on his lips in an attempt to make you understand his sincerity. “I want you. If you’ll still have me.” 

“You really mean that?” You ask after a beat of silence that Yunho swears is long enough to give him a heart attack. 

“I do.” He says, putting every emotion he’s feeling into his voice. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Bunny.” 

He hears the first soft sniffle loud and clear like a church bell, just this small, gentle sound that shakes him to his very core, and pulls at him to find you. 

“Bunny?” He says, choking up with tears of his own as they stick in his throat, but he knows he doesn’t deserve to cry. 

“I’m here.” You say, clearing your throat as he can just imagine you aggressively rubbing the tears out of your eyes. “I’m okay.” 

You’re still not being honest but at least ‘okay’ is better than ‘fine’. 

“I wish I could come see you, but the schedules are just-” 

“I know. Mingi told me.” You interrupt, sounding way more understanding than you have any reason to. “Kind of surprised either of you even had time for a call if I’m being honest.” 

“Pretty sure everyone agrees these calls were considered emergencies.” He says and he’s never felt such joy at hearing you chuckle before in his life. 

“That bad huh?” 

“You have no idea.” He sighs, slumping against the wall he’s been too tense to even lean on before now. “Even Mr Lee was convinced Wooyoung and San would never speak to me again. Not that I blame them.” 

“My protectors.” You chuckle, and for the first time Yunho allows himself to feel the sting at the soft spot you have for his brothers. 

“Yeah, well-” He clears his throat, almost catching the ice in his voice before you can hear it. “They’re still annoying.” 

Another beat of silence and then. 

“Yu-yah. Are you jealous?” 

“Mm, I am.” He simply says and he can tell he’s caught you off guard the way you immediately drop the teasing. Turns out admitting it to himself was the biggest hurdle and everything else is just a breeze after that. 

“Does that bother you?” He asks when all you’ve given him is a hum in return. 

“No.” You say, and a tension he didn’t know he held releases. “I kind of like it when you glare at them for touching me.” 

“You saying you like riling me up?” He asks and he can’t stop his voice from going lower, something he’s never acknowledged before bubbling up inside him, beckoning to be explored. 

“Maybe I’ve always wanted you to do something about it.” You’re back to the teasing but there’s something else in your tone this time, something he’s never heard before, something that sends a jolt of electricity down his spine. 

“Have you?” 

“Want to find out?” Comes your sultry response and Yunho has to physically stop himself from running out of the building and sprinting to your apartment. 

“More than anything.” He groans, dropping his head back into the wall a little harder than necessary, wincing at the pain but at least it allows his head to get a little clearer. 

“Are you okay?” You giggle, honest to God giggle, at his plight and he swears he’s never heard anything as beautiful. He wants to bottle the sound and carry it with him to get through every dark moment for the rest of his life. 

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” He says, rubbing the back of his head with a pout, doing his best to douse the heat burning inside him. 

“Not even a little.” You laugh and the moment of silence that falls between you is like it should be once again, comfortable yet warm. “So, what’s this I hear about a birthday party?” 

“Fuck, yes, that! I almost forgot!” Yunho exclaims, and if he puts a little extra flair to the confusion to make you giggle again nobody has to know. “Wooyoung’s turning like 13 this weekend and he’s having a party at his place, and I was hoping you might consider going with me?” 

“I always saw him as more of a five-year-old, but I can accept 13.” You say, sounding like you’re making yourself comfortable on your bed, and God Yunho wishes he could be there to join you. But in all fairness, it’s probably for the best that he isn’t. 

“Honestly, anything under 15 is fair.” Yunho chuckles, trying his best to drown out the little voice screaming at him that you’re avoiding the question. 

“If I go. With you.” You say slowly, almost as if you’re savoring the words. “Would that be considered a date?” 

His chest hurts with how fast his heart is beating. 

“If you’d like it to be.” He says, doing what he can to not make it sound like he’s putting pressure on you to give you the answer he wants. 

“Hm,” You say slowly and even though he knows you’re just enjoying torturing him at this point, he can’t help but find it difficult to breathe. “I think I would actually.” 

It takes everything Yunho has not to melts into a puddle right there in the empty studio. 

“R-really?” He stammers like the dork you always accuse him of being. 

“Yeah.” You let out another giggle and dammit Yunho might just be losing braincells at this rate, the grin on his face so wide that it’s actually starting to hurt. “Do you know what time he’s thinking?” 

“Think he said around 19? But I can check with him and get back to you with the details.” 

“Okay,” You say, sounding like you’re going through your mental calendar. “Cause Innie has a thing and I’m covering his closing shift, so I probably can’t be there until like 20:30 at the earliest if I’m going to go home and take a shower first.” 

“That’s okay,” Yunho hurries as if you’re going to back out if he doesn’t get the words out quickly. “You could come at midnight and Wooyoung would still be thrilled, be sure to text him happy birthday before that though or he’ll never stop sulking.” 

“Don’t worry, I’m not that stupid.” Your sass is back, and Yunho pushes down the immediate urge to let you know that you are in fact not stupid at all. He knows you won’t listen. Not right now anyways. 

“But hey,” He continues when the idea comes to him. “If you want you can shower and change at my place, it’s just a couple of floors away and you don’t have to kill yourself rushing around the city on a Saturday night by yourself.” 

“Aw, you do care about me.” You tease only for Yunho’s sincere reply to make something bubble up inside you. 

“Yes, I do, Bunny.” 

What follows is a couple of moments of silence but from the rustling and quiet thumping Yunho’s brain is flooded with images of you kicking your feet on the bed and he just might drop dead right there. 

“That sounds good actually.” You come back with once you’ve regained control of yourself, clearing your throat as if this whole thing is a completely normal conversation for you two to be having. “The using your place thing, I mean. If you’re okay with it?” 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” Yunho chuckles. 

“And…” You take a breath to steady yourself. “Will you be there?” 

“At the… party?” He asks confused and he’s glad he didn’t chuckle at this one because you sound so cute and almost like you’re pouting when you clarify. 

“At the apartment while I shower.” 

“Oh…” If he thought he was warm before, Yunho’s positively burning now and he’s sure one would be able to cook an egg on his face with how hot blistering hot it feels. “Um, I was thinking I’d be at Woo’s to give you space and some time to disconnect from work, but if you want me to, I can definitely-” 

“No, no, it’s okay. I-I appreciate that actually.” You say, heaving what sounds like a breath of relief, and in this moment, you seem so vulnerable that all Yunho wants to do is reassure you, but he knows that’s a sure-fire way to get you to clam back up. “Just needed to know what the plan was.” 

“Bunny.” Yunho does chuckle now but in the way that he knows you find sweet and not teasing. “I’m going to do this the right way, not fuck you in my shower the first chance I get like some douchebag who doesn’t deserve you.” 

“But you want to… Right?” There’s only a hint of the teasing from before in your voice, something far more vulnerable and fragile in the tone of it that makes Yunho want to pull you close and kiss your forehead. 

“Fuck yes, I do.” He says, not even needing to think about his words before they come tumbling out and he has to force himself to not grab hold of any of the images flying through his head to get a better look at them, or he won’t be able to get back to work any time soon. 

“Good.” You simply say, but he can hear the smile in your voice, and it makes his heart all soft and fuzzy. “That’s all I needed to know.” 

“So, you and I. We’re good?” He asks, his own smile so wide his jaw’s aching. 

“We’re good. So, you can tell the boys they can stop sending me offers to murder you now, Jongho seriously needs to chill with his imagination cause fuck that boy goes dark.” 

“I will.” Yunho laughs, not in the least bit surprised Ateez was close to becoming a seven-member group.  

Maybe if he’s good, you’ll let him read the offers after the party. 

It’s Saturday, finally. 

The closing shift has been a good, if stressful, one.  

After locking up and waving Weeyon and her boyfriend goodnight, you’re grateful for Yunho’s offer of his shower because you’re sweaty and absolutely reek of coffee as you start making your way to the boys’ apartment building. 

This close to December the night air is cold and dry and you burrow your face deeper into the collar of your jacket as you walk, wishing you’d brought the scarf Yunho had bought you last Christmas when he got fed up with you shivering all the goddamn time. 

You send him a quick text before you shove your hands back in your pockets to protect them from the cold.  

You wouldn’t be surprised if it starts snowing any day now. 

The music in your headphones cuts off with an incoming call and you answer immediately, not needing to look to see who it is. 

“Hey.” You say, unable to stop yourself from smiling when you hear his chuckle. 

“You doing okay?” He asks, the muted sound of music playing in the background letting you know he’s slipped away from the party into another room for the call. 

“I’m good, just left the shop so I’m heading your way now.” You say as if that wasn’t apparent from the message you sent but knowing Yunho he probably got the notification and called you immediately without even reading it. 

“That’s good.” He says and you think you hear the sound of a door closing so he’s either in the bathroom or Wooyoung’s bedroom. “Are you sure you don’t want me to meet you halfway? I don’t like you walking alone at night.” 

“It’s not even that late, Yu-yah.” You chuckle, cheeks warming at his concern. “But if I see any serial killers I promise to tell them I have a party to go to and I can’t be late, okay?” 

“Bun-” Yunho starts before cutting himself off with a heavy sigh, the annoyance in it making you laugh. “Please don’t say stuff like that when I’m not with you.” 

“You want to protect me, puppy?” You tease and the strangled sound he lets out in response leaves something stirring inside you and suddenly you’re not so cold anymore. 

“Don’t do that, Bunny.” He says in a voice that sends shivers down your spine and you’re sure he can hear your own intake of breath over the phone in response. 

“Why? You don’t like your new nickname?” You say with a mock-innocence that you can only imagine the consequences for, if you were standing in front of him. 

“You know what, I think I should meet you on the way.” He responds, half-way nonchalant with a dangerous undertone. “Sounds like you’re in the mood for attracting trouble tonight.” 

“And what are you then? Trouble or protection?” 

You’re playing with fire, and you want more of it. 

“Sure you’re brave enough to find out?” 

You can’t help the giggle that leaves your lips, the one that Yunho has become obsessed with since he first heard it earlier in the week, and you can feel the tension over the call. 

“You can meet me outside if you want.” You tease, changing the subject before your legs go too weak to walk. “I’m there in like ten minutes and something tells me you could use some cooling off.” 

“Fucking menace.” He mutters under his breath and your soul decides to reward him for it with another giggle and you swear you can hear him melt over the phone. “Fine, I’ll see you in a bit. Please just… be careful, okay?” 

“Promise.”

The hug you receive when you walk into his arms could end wars. 

It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. No more hints of awkwardness lingering between you. No more overthinking how long is too long for a hug. No more stiffness of necks since relaxing would run the risk of lips and noses ending up somewhere far too intimate. No more minute hesitation before you let your hands settle on the other. 

No, this hug is the most intimate you’ve ever shared. 

His hands are warm and heavy as they settle on your body. His arms wrap around you with a certainty that was never there before, and you’ve never wanted to fall asleep in them as much as you do in this moment. Your head is comfortably resting on his shoulder, for once not caring about whether your breath hits his neck or if your lips linger against his skin. Your hands have daringly placed themselves at the small of his back, just shy of his butt, and for once you don’t care if he can feel how fast your heart beats against him. 

“Take it you didn’t meet any serial killers?” Yunho all but whispers, his breath making clouds in the cold air as he hugs you tighter to protect you against the chill. As if the relaxed air between you isn’t warming you up enough as it is. 

“Nope,” You giggle that embarrassing giggle again and allow yourself to nuzzle into his neck. “Made it all the way here all by my lonesome without my big bad puppy to protect me.” 

You swear to God, the sound he lets out is as close to a human growl you’ve ever heard, and you know he can feel you shivering against him when he squeezes you tighter. 

“You sure you want to keep going with that name, Bunny?” He asks and the way he makes your nickname feel so beautifully condescending, silently asking if you should really mock his puppy nature when you’re the personification of a temperamental bunny, is wreaking havoc on your insides. 

“Pretty sure I should be having that shower.” You change the topic once more, cutting through the tension that for once isn’t uncomfortable or pressured, and Yunho easily follows your lead. 

“Of course.” He says, almost like he’s flipped a switch and is back to your sweet, considerate Yunho: the epitome of a gentleman. “Come on, let’s get you inside and warmed up.” 

“Well, this is me.” Yunho says, showing you inside his apartment, letting you enter first. 

“I’ve been here before, you know.” You chuckle but the hand at the small of your back makes this time feel like so much more, and you’re not exactly complaining. 

“Well, yeah, but things are… different now.” He says and even before he turns the lights on you can see the blush burning his ears. 

“Have I told you you’re adorable lately?” You ask, hand moving on its own to cup his flaming face, thumb caressing the apple of his cheek that’s exaggerated by his shy smile. 

“I- Thank you.” He mumbles and he’s so cute it makes you want to bully him. 

“So sweet too.” You actually pinch his cheek, not hard but enough for his face to turn an even darker shade of red, and when he grips your wrist as a result you can’t help but shiver. 

“You really enjoy this push and pull, don’t you?” He asks, thumb gently rubbing your wrist in his hold in a way that makes the tension between you feel a little less charged, more caring, but the feel of his hand around you really hammers home your size difference, leaving you staring up at him. 

You’ve been aware of it of course, but it’s never felt like this before. It’s like you’re seeing him for the first time, taking in just how tall he is, how broad he is compared to you, the way his hands absolutely dwarf yours, how easily he could overpower you if he wanted… 

“You know me,” You shrug as if you’re completely unaffected by the whole thing even though you’re finding it hard not to drool. “I’m a line pusher.” 

“Mm, I do know.” He says with a grin, more pure than anything else, as he pulls your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. “Just didn’t think it would translate to flirting.” 

“Well, that’s your mistake, isn’t it?” You grin cheekily, pulling your wrist with his hand still attached to it back towards you to press a little kiss to his fingers too, and the way he sputters is just too adorable for you not to laugh at. 

“So,” He says, averting his eyes and clearing his throat, and you find it so sweet how he can be so confident one moment but with one little touch of affection he completely breaks down blushing. “Let’s get you that shower, shall we?” 

“Sounds good.” You say, allowing him some reprieve even though pushing and teasing him is the most fun you’ve had in a long time. “Do you have a towel I can borrow?” 

“Yeah, I already put it in the bathroom for you. I forgot to ask if you were bringing your own stuff, but feel free to use anything in there if you want.” He says, opening the bathroom door for you in a way that feels almost awkwardly gentlemanly. 

“Sure you don’t just want me to smell like you?” You tease, but gently this time, a soft reminder that he doesn’t have to be nervous around you. 

“I mean, I definitely wouldn’t mind.” He chuckles and you can’t help reaching out to take his hand in yours, giving it a little squeeze. 

“And it’s not like it’d be the first time.” 

“No, I know.” He gives you a little smile that makes him look adorably boyish. “It’s just different now.” 

“Yeah.” You admit, smiling back at him. “So, are you heading back downstairs or?” 

“If you still want me to?” 

“There’s no point in you waiting around up here, go have fun and I’ll join you in a bit.” You say, looking up at him as you put your bag down and get your change of clothes out. 

“You sure?” He asks, not pushy but just making sure you don’t feel like he’s abandoning you for a party. 

“Positive.” You say, reaching up to press a light kiss to his cheek before shooing him away. “Now go tell the birthday boy I’ll be down in a bit, can’t have him sulking on his special day.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m pretty sure he’ll sulk over you one way or another.” He chuckles with a roll of his eyes as he heads towards the door. “Call if you need anything.” 

“Just go, you dork.” 

You swear you’re never leaving this shower. Fuck, you might just be in love with it. 

The water pressure if the kind that you might actually commit a crime to get for yourself, and the temperature is hot enough to scald and in comparison to the sorta-kinda-maybe hot water at your place, this is like jumping into a pool of lava. 

You have no idea how long you stand under the spray but when you can’t justify ditching the party any further, you reach for some of Yunho’s body wash and quickly clean yourself before you can regret the adult decision to get out. 

You, and the bathroom, smell like your best friend-turned…more, and you will forever deny the way you sniff the air and your skin with a lovesick grin on your lips. For some reason Yunho does smell better, but it’s close enough to scratch the itch for him even though he’s only a couple of floors away. 

You decide to leave your hair wet because who cares and get dressed. You haven’t completely forgone your personal style in favor of the party, but you have chosen the few things in your closet that could pass for a relaxed house party outfit, and not completely looking like you’re heading for a dance class. 

Cargo pants (should you get other types of pants? Probably but nah) but they’re not as big as usual, tighter over your hips and less baggy which honestly makes you feel sexier than you normally do. The shirt is the biggest shift though. It’s long-sleeved and not oversized at all. In fact, it can even be considered tight and shows off the shapes of your body that you never really show anyone unless you’re at a pool or tumbling into bed with someone.  

It’s barely any effort put into your looks, but you do look good, relaxed but still elevated, and you’re about to exit the bathroom when you hear a soft knock on the door. 

“Yunho, I told you to go downstairs, I’m fine.” You say, rolling your eyes as you open the door, only to come face to face with a woman you’ve never met before. 

“Not Yunho.” She says simply, a friendly smile on her lips as she watches you. 

“I can see that.” You respond, staring back at her in question. “Um, so… Who are you exactly?” 

“Oh, yeah, sorry!” She laughs, reaching out a perfectly manicured hand as she tells you her name, and it clicks in your mind. 

“Oh, you’re Hongjoong’s girl?” You say, watching the proud, almost giddy, look on her face at your words. 

“Yep, that’s me.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to make it sound like you’re just someone’s girl, I just-” You start but she cuts you off with a gentle wave of her hand. 

“Oh please, it’s a point of pride for me. I know a lot of people don’t like that stuff, but I’m not one of them.” 

“That’s good.” You say, glad you haven’t offended her but still confused about her presence. “Um, I’m Bunny by the way.” 

“I know, the boys have told me all about you.” She smiles at you widely and heat is licking at your ears at the attention. “I have to ask, why do they call you Bunny? Joongie says he doesn’t know, and Yunho just giggled when I asked him.” 

“That’s because he’s a child and he’s the one who came up with it when we were kids. We met in a hip-hop class. Hop equals Bunny... I guess. The rest is history.” You sigh with a roll of your eyes. “Well, that and according to both him and Mingi, I have the temperament of an angry rabbit, so…” 

“God, that’s adorable.” Your new friend, you guess that’s what she is now, chuckles. “I love that.” 

“So… not to be rude but did you need something from me or…” You start, really not trying to step on her toes but she’s in Yunho’s apartment alone with you so what’s the deal? 

“Oh, god, yeah, I completely forgot!” She laughs at herself, and you get the feeling that she might just be the teensiest bit tipsy, or she’s just this cute in general, who knows? “I come bearing gifts from your boyfriend.” 

Before you can even begin to protest that he’s not your boyfriend, not officially at least, she continues. 

“He thought it was unfair that everyone’s already a couple of drinks in and you just got here, so he asked me to bring you something. He said you don’t need to drink it, but it’s on the coffee table if you want it.” 

“Oh,” You say, unable to stop the heat from rushing to your face and neck, the gesture making your insides all fuzzy. “That’s sweet of him.” 

“I know right?” The other woman grins at the starry look in your eyes. “He’s nuts about you, you know?” 

You don’t know what to say to that so you just give her a bashful smile that feels so foreign on your face that you can’t believe this whole thing is actually real. 

“Anyways, I’ll leave you to it. See you down there!” Your new friend says with a wave before she walks away, leaving you somewhat stunned and blinking, wondering what the fuck just happened. 

You’re not one for wearing makeup in general, hating the way it makes you feel claustrophobic, and your habit of rubbing and touching your face has made the few times you’ve tried failures with you ending up in the bathroom scrubbing everything away because you were so uncomfortable. So, because of this you’re foregoing everything. 

Apart from the lip balm. 

Partly because it’s a little something extra to add to an otherwise somewhat plain look, but also because the warm scent of the vanilla calms you whenever you need it. 

And tonight, you’re going to need it. 

Not because you’re nervous per se, even though it’s your first time meeting with significant others and friends of the boys and that’s enough to make you a little bit uncomfortable. But because this is the first time you’ve been somewhere with Yunho where you’re not "just friends". 

You haven’t put a label on what you are, but at least this time you know you’re not delusional. This is a date. There is something between you and he’s said so himself. 

You put your lips balm on, take one last look at yourself in the mirror and gather your things before you head out to the living room to put everything back in your bag. 

On the coffee table, next to Yunho’s customized twin Playstation controllers, is your favorite drink with a little note beside it that says Drink Me :P. It appears to have been taped to the glass but the condensation has made it fall off, and you can’t help that awful giggle making its way out of you once again at the thought of Yunho in Wooyoung’s kitchen scribbling an Alice in Wonderland reference on a note and running around to find tape to stick it on. 

He really is too sweet for his own good, you think as you pocket the note, careful since it’s a little damp, and take a swig of the drink. He’s always been good at remembering details about you and even though him remembering your favorite thing to drink at a party isn’t odd for him, you’re still flattered at the gesture. 

You grab your keys and slip into your shoes before you leave the apartment, locking and double checking the door just in case before you head downstairs with the keys in your pocket and the drink in your hand. 

The party is in full swing when you walk through the door, let in by Wooyoung who immediately attaches himself to you with his arms around your neck and a sloppy kiss to your cheek. 

“You made it!” He all but screams with a grin on his face, a big sash draped over him with the words Birthday Girl written in cursive on it and a plastic tiara stuck to his head with a mountain of bobby pins that you’re sure would be hurting him if he was wasn’t drunk. 

“I did.” You smile, giving him a proper hug that makes him giggle excitedly in your ear. “Happy birthday, Youngie-ah.” 

Your present consisting of a gift card for free coffee for a week has nothing on the way Wooyoung absolutely lights up and starts jumping around with you still in his arms at the nickname. 

“Did you all hear that?!” He screams over the music and a few people watch the two of you, laughing and even with a few scattered cheers. “My Bunny loves me!” 

“’Your’ Bunny?” You can’t help but join the laughter, regarding him as if planning on scolding him but it’s all too clear you’re finding him too amusing. 

“It’s my birthday.” He says resolutely, amusingly serious when he looks into your eyes and squeezing you tighter. “You’re mine until midnight.” 

“You’re hopeless.” You laugh as he snuggles into you, at least somewhat careful about not poking you with his tiara. 

“Yep,” He responds with the biggest brattiest grin you’ve ever seen. “And proud of it! Now excuse me while I go make Sannie jealous that he’s not the only one with a nickname. Have fun!” 

And like that he bounces off into the apartment, calling for San at a volume that works to convince you that these apartment units are all but soundproofed, because if not, it’s a miracle someone hasn’t shut the whole shindig down already. 

You take another swig of your drink and head off to find Yunho. You say hello to Yeosang and Jongho when you pass them on the couch in the living room, and wave at Hongjoong and his girl who stand in the kitchen talking to Seonghwa and another woman who you suspect might just be the latter’s partner, but you don’t stop to ask as you continue your search for Yunho. 

You eventually find him on the partially glazed balcony, a half-finished beer in his hand as he talks to a man smoking a cigarette. Part of you feels like you’re intruding so you hang back a little to let them finish their conversation, admiring Yunho’s broad back from where you’re standing, and nursing your drink. 

Normally the situation would make you feel out of place, but in this moment you’re content with waiting your turn. The man’s cigarette is almost finished and from the sounds of the conversation you can tell they’re both aware and in the beginning stages of wrapping it up, the whole thing relaxed and casual, and you find yourself wondering how they know each other. 

It doesn’t take long for the man to finish his cigarette after that and after stubbing it out in the little ashtray on the table, he claps Yunho on the shoulder and heads back inside.  

He doesn’t look that familiar as he passes you but sends you a polite nod regardless and you respond in kind, before you turn your attention back to Yunho. 

You walk out onto the balcony but don’t say anything yet, simply settle into the empty space beside him, just close enough that you’re barely touching and lean against the railing in silence. 

Your presence alerts him and he’s about to greet the new occupant of the balcony when he catches the scent of his own body wash under the lingering smell of cigarette smoke. 

“Hi.” You simply say, leaning against him fully now with a smile on your face when a grin splits his own at the sight of you. 

“Have I ever told you, you clean up well?” He says, tone teasing but light as if he’s unable to fully commit to it and you can’t say you mind. 

“Given that I rarely do, probably not.” You shoot back, bumping your hip against him and you’re rewarded with a chuckle. 

“Well, do you.” He says, shifting so he’s standing behind you as an arm moves to place itself around your waist. 

It’s not tentative, not exactly, but it’s clear he’s testing the waters, especially at a party where anyone can walk out and see you, but you instinctively know it’s for your benefit, not his. 

Yunho and Mingi have both been clear from the beginning of their idol journey that they’ve never minded being seen with you, or being physical with you in front of others, something that you’ve always been grateful for, so for him to be conscious of it now is truly only because he’s worried about your reaction and no one else’s. 

“You smell good.” He mumbles against your hair as he presses a soft kiss into it, his arm giving you a little squeeze that has any nerves residing in you vanishing. 

“You mean I smell like you.” You tease but he shakes his head, breathing you in properly in a move that has goosebumps racing down your arms.  

“No. I mean, kind of, but you still smell like you. Like you’re you wrapped up in me.” 

“Just how drunk are you?” You laugh only to receive a grumpy little huff in return. 

“Don’t mock me.” He says, pulling you closer to him and even if you wanted to, you can’t deny the little gasp that leaves you at the move. “I’m feeling things over here.” 

“Alright, big guy.” You humor him with a light chuckle, one of your hands coming to rest on the arm at your waist, fingers mindlessly caressing his skin. “What do I smell like then?” 

“Coffee.” 

“Fuck you, I took a shower so I didn't have to smell like coffee.” You groan, making a weak imitation of trying to pull away from him, only to be squeezed even tighter against him with his lips now far too close to your ear. 

“I like it though.” He says and you know he can feel you shivering against him by the low chuckle he lets out. “It always makes me relax because whenever I smell it, I know you’re close by.” 

“Really?” You can’t help but ask, tone far too vulnerable for your liking but you can always blame the alcohol (even though you’ve barely even had one full drink). 

“Mhm.” He breathes, swaying against you in a move that feels more intimate than anything you’ve ever shared before. “Lets me know you’re safe.” 

“Man, you must really like me, huh?” You joke despite yourself, the loving tension a little too much for your nerves this sober, but Yunho doesn’t seem to take it to heart. 

“I do actually.” He chuckles, loosening his hold on you as if sensing the hint of tension in your body at the vulnerability between you. “Like a lot.” 

“Dork.” You give his stomach probably the softest elbow you’ve ever given, barely even touching him, but that and the silent confession in your voice lets him know everything he needs to. 

He presses one last kiss to your hair before he pulls back almost completely, leaving only his hand on your hip as an anchor, for which you’re grateful. You don’t think you could handle losing all physical contact with him right now, and Yunho somehow knows this. 

Because of course he does. 

You head back inside after that, grabbing more drinks from the fridge, before you join some of the others in the living room. 

Yunho follows your lead, allowing you to set the pace and decide what level of physical affection is comfortable for you, and even though part of you screams that you want to plant yourself on his lap and never let go, you end up next to each other on the floor when it comes time for drinking games. 

Even though you’re not terrible at drinking games or at drinking, Yunho appoints himself as your Black knight on a couple of occasions, just to make sure you’re still having a good time, but overall neither of you lose that much and are able to stay fairly unaffected at the end of the more intense games. 

“You okay?” He asks when you eventually stand up, holding out his hand in case you lose your balance but you’re steady on your feet. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” You say, your face only a little heated while San looks about ready to pass out on the couch next to Wooyoung and some girl who the latter introduced earlier as a friend. “Bathroom break.” 

Even though the place is pretty big, it doesn’t take you long to find the bathroom but once you’re in there you take your time. There’s another bathroom (oh how the other half lives!) so it’s not like you’re keeping anyone waiting. 

You’re no stranger to loud surroundings but after a full day at work it’s easy to get overstimulated, and you’ll take the calm and, at least kind of, quiet where you can get it. 

You try to cool yourself down a bit, running cold water over your wrists and hands, patting your face with a wet tissue, and fix your hair in the mirror. You consider drinking some water from the tap but decide to go to the kitchen and get a glass like normal people would before you head back into the living room to rejoin the games. 

Once in the kitchen you get roped into a discussion with a pretty drunk Seonghwa and his way less drunk girlfriend about which order of watching the Star Wars movies is the right one, and given that you don’t really have an opinion you end up becoming the judge of the debate. 

“She’s a neutral party.” Seonghwa drawls, pointing at his girlfriend who can do nothing but smile lovingly at her nerd of a boyfriend, even though she (judging by the discussion itself) is just as big of a nerd if not bigger. 

“She has a man to get back to.” She tries to convince him, but Seonghwa is hearing none of it, fully dialed into making you realize that his opinion is the correct one. 

It takes almost 20 minutes before you manage to wiggle your way out of the conversation without having to make a decision, the girl who’s name appears to be Nova ending up pulling her boyfriend into a full on make out session in order to shut him up, sending you a wink to let you know the coast is clear to leave. 

Before tonight you never would have considered Star Wars discussions foreplay, but you really do learn something new every day. And it’s not like you can judge; your own version of foreplay is probably even odder for most people.

When you finally get back into the living room it appears that the games are over and people have moved into their own little groups across the room, talking, laughing and/or dancing. 

Yunho is standing along the wall by the door to the kitchen, so he doesn’t see you enter the room. Normally he would have seen you in his peripheral but the hair covering his eyes have gotten longer, and he’s focused on Wooyoung’s friend who stands in front of him. 

You’re about to walk over to them when you see her stand on her tippy toes and covers her mouth from your sight as she says something into his ear. She could be whispering, or she could be speaking at a normal volume, but the music is loud, and you can’t hear anything she says. 

The only thing you can do is watch Yunho’s body tensing as he does a quick little sweep of the room, the hair in his eyes making him miss you completely, before he grabs a hold of the girl’s hand and pulls her away from the crowd, crossing the living room and going into Wooyoung’s bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

You take a look around the room. No one has seen what just happened. 

Apart from one person. 

Hongjoong’s girl is sitting in one of the armchairs, her eyes filled with something that looks akin to pity, and for a moment you fear she’s going to come over but the weight of her boyfriend plopping himself down on her lap stops her from moving, leaving you to your own thoughts. 

They’re ugly. 

Hot. 

The kind of thoughts that make your hands itch to destroy. To tear. To grip and never let go. 

He’s yours. 

He’s supposed to be yours. 

You throw a glance at Wooyoung who’s completely lost to the world as he’s trying to secure his tiara on a sleeping San’s head without waking him, and realizing you’re not going to cause a scene at his birthday party, you put your glass of water down and leave the apartment. 

When Yunho leaves Wooyoung’s bedroom his face is flushed and his hands are shaky, and the only thing he wants is to go find you and hold you in his arms. 

But the second he takes one step out of the room he’s confronted by the fuming girlfriend of his captain, and if he thought Hongjoong was scary when angry, he’s just met his match. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She asks him, arms crossed over her chest and for some reason Yunho gets the feeling they’re there solely for the purpose of keeping her clawed hands away from his face. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You should be.” She says, a cold, deep fury in her eyes that he can’t say he’s ever seen before, and he closes the bedroom door behind him as subtly as possible. “Cause that wasn’t Bunny with you in there, was it?” 

Yunho’s heart is picking up speed. He was so sure no one had seen. 

“Look, it’s not what you think-” 

“For your sake I hope it isn’t,” She interrupts him but before he can get annoyed by it her next words send ice through his veins. “Because I’m not the only one who saw you sneak in there.” 

“Bunny…” 

He’s lightheaded. It’s hard to breathe.  

Fuck. 

“Did she see?” He asks and he swears he almost passes out when the woman in front of him nods her head. 

“And she left. If you have any luck, she’s at your place still getting her stuff, but she looked ready to kill, so I’d start working on that explanation if I were you.” 

She’s barely gotten the words out before he moves, not even bothering with his shoes as he throws himself out of the apartment and rushes up the stairs, not daring to spare the time waiting for the elevator. 

Not like this. 

He can’t lose you over this. 

He just got you. 

His door is unlocked, and he hopes to God you’re still there even though he’s ready to run the whole way to your place in just his socks. 

He can barely hear the rush of water from the bathroom over the furious beating of his heart, but it’s there.  

You’re still there. 

Your eyes when you walk out and see him standing there could melt glaciers, but you don’t speak. You don’t scream. You don’t attack. 

You just… stare. 

“Bunny-” He takes a gasping breath, having forgotten to breathe, and says your real name. “I promise I can explain what you saw.” 

“Go ahead.” You say, folding your arms across your chest, but there’s something in your voice that he’s not expecting. 

You’re not detached, like after he fucked up last week. 

You seem heated. Angry. Pissed off. 

And for some reason it’s throwing him off. 

“Okay, I realize what it must have looked like, but I promise nothing happened.” 

“That’s not an explanation.” You say, nails digging into your arms as if you’re keeping yourself from physically attacking him, teeth gritted. 

“No. No, you’re right, it’s not. I’m- Fuck.” He speed-runs the situation in his head, panicking when he realizes there’s no way he can make you understand without screwing the girl over. “I- I can’t actually explain it, it’s not my place but I can promise you that I did nothing with that girl. On my mother, I didn’t do anything!” 

He’s so stressed he barely sees you move. Doesn’t even realize you’re in front of him until your hand grabs hold of his hair and angles his head down to face you, pain stinging his scalp and not helping his vision from blurring with tears. 

“Who do you belong to?” You whisper, staring into his shocked eyes, no anger on your features but an intensity he hasn’t seen before. 

“W-what?” He stammers, blinking the tears away, a soft gasp leaving his lips when your grip eases and your other hand comes to rest over his panicked heart. 

“Who do you belong to, Yu-yah? I need to hear you say it.” 

“You.” He whispers, voice going on him as he stares at you like you’ve just stolen the air from his lungs. “I belong to you.” 

The smile that blooms on your face is like the calm after a storm or the first ray of sunshine after the rain, and something in his heart settles at the sight as you ease his head down to rest his forehead against yours. 

“Did you really think, after all that shit you went through to get me to forgive you, I’d ever believe you went and fucked someone at a party you invited me to?” 

“You-” Yunho swears he’s about to start sobbing. “You didn’t?” 

“You’re not that kind of guy, puppy.” You whisper, stroking his hair as you help his pulse start to return to normal. “Not in a million years.” 

“Then why-” 

“Why did I leave?” You ask, leaning back a little, unable to stop the smirk at the whimper that leaves him at the loss of contact. “Because I wanted to tear that girl's face off and I didn’t think anyone would have been a fan of that, least of all Wooyoung.” 

“You were jealous?” He asks, not knowing why he’s shocked but go easy on him, it’s been one hell of a week. 

“Mhm.” You nod, caressing his hair and pulling him closer to where your whole bodies are touching. “Because you’re mine now. And I don’t share.” 

“I didn’t do anything with her.” Yunho whispers, not knowing why he’s trying to convince you when you’ve clearly dropped the issue. 

“I know, puppy.” You whisper, leaning up to kiss his neck, unable to stop the hunger still burning inside you. “You’re my good boy.” 

He can’t help it. 

The nickname. The kissing. The adrenaline. 

He’s growing hard against you, and he knows you can feel it. 

“What did I tell you about using that name?” He asks, his tone low as his arms snake around your waist, smirking when he feels the shiver going through your body. 

“Don’t remember.” You say, staring into his eyes with a challenge he could never refuse. “Remind me?” 

“Bunny,” He whispers, one of his hands grabbing the back of your neck to pull you back from him, not missing the way your eyelashes flutter at the decisive touch. “Does jealousy turn you on?” 

“What was your first clue?” You grin, honest to God grin, up at him like the cat that ate the canary, and he twitches against your stomach.  

“So, if anyone would have put their arm around me tonight when you were next to me. What would you have done?” 

“I would have fucked you in front of them. Showed them that the only one who gets to be yours, is me.” 

“You’re a little crazy, did you know that?” He asks, leaning down to press a soft kiss below your ear, almost coming in his pants at the breathy moan you reward him with. 

“Oh yeah.” You giggle that giggle that makes him all weak inside as you start pulling him with you towards his bedroom. “Did you just figure that out?” 

“Just making sure.” He says, voice turning soft when he realizes where you’re going. “Bunny, are you sure about this? You’ve been drinking.” 

“So have you.” You say, dropping the teasing and staring up at him, looking far more sober than before. “We don’t have to do anything. I realize that got… maybe a little too intense.” 

“I’m good.” He says, reaching up to stroke your hair, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “Just wanted to make sure we didn’t take this too fast.” 

You look at him. 

Really look at him. 

He’s so sincere. So soft and open and so completely in love with you that it makes your eyes water. 

He lets you pull him into you, feels your hands shaking slightly as they caress his back, hears the shaky breath you release as a tear makes its way down your face. 

“I love you, Yunho.” You say, staring into his eyes like you’re on a tight-rope and you’re begging him not to let you fall. 

“I love you too, Bunny.” He says.

He’s never seen you happier.