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It really had started innocently. Miyano knew, based on all his reading and watching his parents all his life, that couples tend to pick up on things their partner does and then it becomes something they just do subconsciously.
What he hadn’t been expecting was for his boyfriend's nickname for one of their mutual friends to become something he almost started World War 3 over.
You see, Sasaki had never broken the habit of calling Hirano ‘Mom’, even after he had graduated. Miyano thought it was pretty cute, and it seemed like Sasaki had no intentions of stopping, because he knew it riled Hirano up to no end.
That was where the trouble had started. Miyano was lying in his bed, waiting for Sasaki to show up after his classes were over for the day. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, and long distance is hard, damn it! He was shaken out of his thoughts as the door to his bedroom cracked open, a pair of hazel eyes looking at him curiously. Miyano felt himself start to laugh, looking at his boyfriend stare at him like a creep, and got out of bed to open the door further. Sasaki stood there for a few seconds longer, trying to keep himself from laughing.
“Why are you being weird?” Miyano asked him, pulling him into his room and shutting the door.
“I get to see you laugh if I act weird, why wouldn’t I want that?”
“Fair.” Miyano said, and Sasaki wasted no time pulling him close, the two of them not having been able to touch in weeks.
Which, naturally, evolved into Miyano getting pinned down on his bed, Sasaki slowly kissing down the side of his neck as they tried to be as close as possible without breaking any rules, considering Miyano could hear his mom moving around in the kitchen. He tried desperately to remind himself they weren’t alone, that when he felt Sasaki’s fingers sneak up under his shirt they really, really couldn’t go much further. But then they were kissing and Sasaki’s hand was moving down and oh god–
Sasaki practically growled as his phone started to ring, and Miyano wasn’t entirely sure he had ever heard him make that noise before but he’d love to try to get him to do it himself someday.
“What the fuck do you want?”
It was only then that Miyano realized Sasaki was no longer hovering over him, a pissed off look on his face that really only meant he was talking to one of two people, and if Miyano had to guess…
“Oh my god, get off my back about it, mother.”
Yup. It was Hirano.
Miyano sat up, reaching for the phone, taking it from his boyfriend easily. “Hirano, I don’t know how life or death this is, but I’d like to get back to spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in a few weeks. Can this wait?”
On the other side of the line, Hirano paused. “Uh, yeah. Sorry Miyano. Tell Sasaki I’ll just grab the stuff from him tomorrow.” He then paused awkwardly, mumbling out a small “Bye.”
Sasaki stared at him for a moment in awe, grabbing his phone and chucking it behind him. “That was hot.”
“Tell me all about that, would you?”
The unfortunate thing about Thursday is that the next day isn’t a weekend. Miyano grumbled as he turned over, smacking his alarm off, and then begrudgingly, he got out of bed.
Yuki chuckled as she passed by her son, pulling him into her room and sitting him down at her vanity, shaking her head in amusement as she got to work covering up the blatantly obvious hickies on his neck. As soon as Miyano was awake enough to be ashamed of himself, he started apologizing like crazy.
“Yoshi, really. I don’t care. I just love that you’re happy.” Yuki said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his head.
Thoroughly embarrassed and ready to start the day, Miyano made his way to school. It was a trip that he now realized was super boring, several months into his third year of high school. Without Sasaki’s company, Miyano realized that everything was much more mundane.
Walking to the school entrance, changing his shoes, even walking to class. Every little thing was just lackluster. Well, that was, until lunch. Kuresawa still joined Miyano, Tashiro and Shirahama for lunch breaks in their classroom, and today was no exception. The four of them sat huddled around the desks they moved into a square, casually munching and talking, catching up on everything from the past 24 hours.
“Miyano, didn’t you say yesterday that you were going to see Sasaki last night? Did you get to?” Tashiro asked, and Miyano felt himself smile slightly.
”Yeah. He was over for quite a while last night. We mostly just read or watched stupid videos though, he came over kinda late so we just stayed in my room. I hate not being able to see him much right now.” Miyano shot a perturbed look at Kuresawa, knowing how much he and his girlfriend got to see each other.
Kuresawa chuckled slightly. “Jealousy jealousy.” He stopped then, food partway to his mouth, before a small smirk crossed his lips. “And uh, ‘mostly’, huh?”
Miyano turned red, curling in on himself. “Shut up.”
The other three boys snickered to themselves as Miyano tried his best to recover from that. They continued to eat for a few minutes, occasionally cracking jokes at Miyano’s expense. The door to the classroom flew open and a freakishly tall, dark haired kid ran into the room, right over to Shirahama. He spoke rapidly, something Miyano wasn’t entirely sure was fully in a coherent language, but Shirahama seemed to understand exactly what he was saying.
“Yeah, tell the coach that's fine, Kagiura. I’ll just move my schedule around a bit.”
Miyano froze, finally looking up. This was the guy he hadn’t been allowed to meet? A gasp left his lips before he could stop it. “The roommate.”
Kagiura froze, turning to look at Miyano like he hadn’t noticed there were other people right there. “Uh… who are you… exactly?”
Tashiro, ever helpful, piped up in his place. “He’s Sasaki’s boyfriend.”
Kagiura paused for a moment, looking incredibly torn. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”
Miyano was genuinely offended that Hirano still thought so little of him. “Mother knows best, or whatever.” He grumbled out, leaning back and crossing his arms.
“What did you just say?” Kagiura asked, clearly already knowing exactly what he meant.
“Well, Hirano acts like a mom. And—“ Miyano gasped excitedly, eyes practically sparkling as he looked up at Kagiura. “If Hirano is my mother-in-law, you’re my father-in-law.”
Kagiura looked taken aback momentarily before giving up on leaving, grabbing an empty desk and pulling it over to their area. “First of all, that's a bold assumption. Second, how is Ta—Hirano not just your mother then?
Miyano smirked, catching the way Kagiura corrected himself so quickly. “You two have been dating for a while, haven’t you? Let’s see… about 2 years now?”
”..Now how the hell…?”
“Hah! Shuumei owes me so much money.”
”Wait, that was a wild guess?!?” Kagiura practically yelled, hands gripping the desk as he tried to understand what just happened.
“Don’t underestimate Miyano’s gay-dar, dude. It’s so wickedly powerful it went off every time he looked in the mirror and yet, he never once realized it existed. He just sat there reading about guys falling in love over and over again.” Shirahama said, amused with himself.
”Excuse me, did I ask to be brutally executed in front of the masses and then served to you fools on the likes of a desk-shaped charcuterie board? No. I did not. Cease.”
Kuresawa choked on his water, quickly pulling the bottle away from his mouth and trying to keep himself from dying.
”Ok, so, what I have learned from this is that Taiga was right and you’re terrifying.” Kagiura said, and Miyano just shrugged. “But seriously, why is he your mother-in-law?”
“Cause Shuumei calls him mom. I find it hysterical, so I just refer to him as my mother-in-law. Which, as I said, makes you my father-in-law.”
Kagiura nodded as he thought about it. “Makes sense. Wait… so, that means I’m Sasaki’s dad, then?”
“Apparently.” Shirahama said, and Kagiura turned to look at him.
“You’d be his uncle, then.”
”Wha— Me?! Don’t curse me with that!” Shirahama sputtered, looking horribly offended. “I don’t want to be Sasaki’s uncle.”
“Too bad, so sad.” Kagiura said, sticking his tongue out.
Miyano let out a small laugh, absolutely delighted. “This is everything I could have hoped for from meeting you, Kagiura.”
The two boys practically beamed at each other, and then Miyano looked around at everyone. He grabbed a piece of paper out, starting to write names, creating a family tree. “Who would these two be, then?” Miyano asked, pointing between Kuresawa and Tashiro.
”Kuresawa could be your brother.”
“Yeah, ok.” Kuresawa chuckled, leaning back. “Don’t forget to write in the space for your sister-in-law, Miyano.”
Everyone but Kagiura groaned, and the newbie looked between them all, confused. Miyano quickly added both Kuresawa and his girlfriend to the family tree, tapping his pencil to his lip as Shirahama explained the situation to Kagiura before Kuresawa could launch into an hour long epic about it.
“Hanzawa would be like… You know those aunts who get in trouble with the parents for being really bad influences on their nieces and nephews?”
”…like a wine aunt?”
”YES.” Tashiro yelled, causing the rest of the students in the room to turn around in confusion. “Sorry, ignore us.”
“Ok, so, whose aunt would he be?” Shirahama asked, scanning the paper.
”Miyano’s, obviously. He was the one who helped him come to terms with his sexuality.” Kuresawa said, and Miyano looked at him, slightly horrified.
”I don’t like that you know that, because I certainly didn’t tell you.”
Kuresawa shrugged. “I’d say that Tashiro is involved in that situation, somewhere.”
Tashiro, who had been hiding in embarrassment from getting stared at, seemed to come back to life at that moment, glaring at Kuresawa. Miyano studied him for a moment before nodding in agreement, completely serious. “Yup, Hanzawa is my aunt and Tashiro is the situationship.”
“Guys, what the hell?” Tashiro asked, exasperated.
”What’s-his-face would be Sasaki’s brother, and he has a girlfriend, so they would both go there.”
”What’s-his… Shirahama, do you mean Ogasawara?”
“The homophobic one.”
“…You aren't wrong.” Miyano mumbled, writing those names down on his boyfriend's side, before dropping his pencil and looking up wildly. “Ogasawara’s older brother and Hanzawa’s older brother used to date. The older Hanzawa still calls Ogasawara ‘Jiro’ instead.” Everyone except for Tashiro, who had been there for that revelation, looked at Miyano bewildered.
“Dude. Write that down!”
After a while, the bell chimed for the first warning to go to whatever classroom students needed to be in. Kuresawa and Kagiura both stood, and as Kuresawa said his goodbyes, Kagiura leaned over Miyano’s paper and scribbled his phone number down at the top “Text me later. This is too good of an opportunity to pass up.”
Miyano smiled up at him, assuring him he would. The remaining three started to move the desks back to their original locations, and classes went on uneventfully.
Later that night, Miyano sent a message to Kagiura, including a picture of the family tree.
Miyano -> Kagiura
-I have a suggestion
Kagiura-> Miyano
-??
Miyano -> Kagiura
-we should get our boyfriends out, make them think it’ll just be a little date, show up to the same place and aggravate them, and then ambush them with the family tree
Kagiura-> Miyano
-Hell yes. Let’s do it.
Several days later, Miyano was pulling his boyfriend through a crowd of people mulling around the train station, keeping his backpack secure to his body. It held beautifully important documents— ones that he and Kagiura had spent a long while ensuring were put together as realistically as possible. As soon as they reached the door to the cafe, Miyano watched Sasaki’s eyes light up, knowing that his adorable expression would fall back through in a matter of minutes. They ordered their drinks, moving to an empty corner of the cafe to sit.
Miyano felt his phone vibrate, and he knew it was time. Only seconds later the door opened, and Miyano quickly distracted Sasaki long enough for Kagiura to pull Hirano over to the order kiosks. After they got their drinks, he could hear Kagiura approaching, and suddenly Hirano gasped in horror.
“No! No, I tried so hard!” He grumbled, exasperated, looking between the two younger boys.
“Oh, trust me, we know.” Miyano said. “Have a seat, Hirano.” The smile he wore was slightly sadistic as Hirano cautiously rounded the table, sitting next to Sasaki without any further fanfare.
“Before you two do whatever it is you tricked us into doing here, can we please have a bit of an explanation as to how my plan failed?” Hirano asked, and Kagiura just chuckled, reaching across the table and patting his hands.
“Trust me, you’ll hate this.”
Sasaki barely contained a snort of laughter and Miyano moved to pull the papers out of his bag, unfolding a larger poster-sized paper as well, laying it down on the table. There was a moment of silence as the two older boys read the title— Our Family Tree—written beautifully across the top thanks to Kuresawa’s girlfriend. Then, simultaneously, Sasaki burst out into manic laughter, and Hirano’s head hit the table, hard.
“Oh my god, you are both unreal. I love it.” Sasaki managed to get out, clutching his stomach as he kept laughing, customers starting to turn and stare.
Miyano watched happily as Sasaki laughed, glad to have made him so overjoyed. “Honestly, it's a long story how this came to be, but we figured you’d enjoy it.”
Hirano groaned, picking his head back up. “This has pictures…and biographies… and— why is it covered in glitter glue?”
”Tashiro.” Both Miyano and Kagiura answered, and Hirano sighed in defeat.
“Tashiro agreed to let you guys put him in as Hanzawa’s situationship?” Sasaki asked, and Miyano nodded rapidly.
“Surprisingly, yes. He didn’t really say much about it at all, weirdly enough…” Miyano mused, just in time for Hirano to start sounding offended again.
”There is no way in hell I would have had a child like… him.” Hirano said, gesturing vaguely at Sasaki, who was slumped down in his chair, arms crossed over his chest and looking horribly amused. “And if I had, I would have fixed the attitude problem right off the bat.”
Sasaki’s expression shifted to almost offended for a moment before turning to face Hirano, clearly looking to stir the shitpot. “What, you don’t love your own son, mom? Is it because I’m gay? It’s ok, you can tell me the truth. I can handle it.”
Hirano looked like he was about to explode. “No, I don’t love you, and yes, I do hate you because you’re gay. Get over it!”
Miyano felt his jaw drop in surprise, but having been around Hirano for so long, he knew when the blond was just being a dick to get a rise out of people. “Does… Does that mean you don’t love me, either? If you disown your son, what will happen to me, my absolutely amazing and wonderful mother-in-law?”
“Eh,” Hirano waved his hand dismissively, “Flattery will get you everywhere. You can stay. But he can’t.” His thumb jabbed aggressively in Sasaki’s direction.
”You’re ruining this family, Mother!” Sasaki exclaimed, sounding so genuinely hurt that onlookers were starting to move closer to hear the drama.
Kagiura, who looked like he had no clue what the hell was even happening, rose to his feet and ‘forcefully’ slammed his hands down on the table. “That’s enough, you two! This isn’t what a family is supposed to be like! I’m the dad, and what I say goes!” Kagiura looked around for a moment, carefully stacking the papers back into a pile, putting them back into Miyano’s backpack, dusting his hands off, and then sighing dramatically, tucking his chair under the table. “We run.”
And with that, the four teenagers bolted out of the cafe, a roar of laughter following them from the customers still inside as they booked it down the street. Once far enough away that they wouldn’t be recognized, they all stopped, leaning up against a wall to catch their breath.
Hirano spoke up, a small smile appearing across his lips. “You two are ridiculous.”
Kagiura and Miyano smiled, and Miyano shrugged. “Eh, that’s what family is for.”