Chapter Text
Kaz hates this smug angel.
And his stupid smug smile.
And his stupid smug smirk.
And his stupid smug outfit that looks like he went and had it dry cleaned two hours ago.
And his stupid smug attitude that makes Kaz want to dig his own eyeballs out of his skull.
And his stupid smug voice that makes Kaz feel weird —
“— honestly as you can, she will appreciate it. If you try to dress up your faults to make them seem less bad, she’ll probably think exactly that, unfortunately,” the smug angel is telling their human with a smile that’s like a punch in the gut to Kaz.
The human looks doubtful.
The angel glances at Kaz as he leans on his cane on the human’s other shoulder.
Kaz glares back at him.
“Okay. I mean, I can try,” the human says hesitantly.
Kaz works not to frown at this human’s weak, wavering courage. His suggestion will be better for everyone in the long run, of course. But if this human can barely even manage an, “I’ll try” about talking? Maybe it’s not worth bringing up.
“Anything to add?” the angel asks him, a move that both surprises and annoys Kaz. Is he trying to rub it in Kaz’s face, that he’s gotten this human hook, line, and sinker without any input from Kaz to the contrary yet?
If he is, it’s working.
“I have a different, better solution than talking about it like you’re in some therapy textbook,” he spits, narrowing his eyes as he shoots the nervous looking human a steady glare.
The angel frowns now, the disappearance of his smile slapping Kaz like a brick to the face. “What's your different, better solution that’s going to help people more than honest communication?”
Kaz doesn’t like the way he says that, like his suggestions are by default superior. But then, he is an angel. What else should Kaz expect from them at this point? He scowls. “Murder,” he says firmly. “He could easily murder her. The best way would be to use some kind of shrimp in her dinner.” He doesn’t need to ask, but he does need to involve the human in this decision, since he can’t force him to take it. “She’s allergic to shellfish, right?”
The human looks overwhelmed. “R-Right?” he stammers, eyes flickering back over to the angel.
Well, fuck.
The angel looks shocked. “Oh, no, no, no,” he waves his hands like that’ll stop Kaz from saying what he’s already said. “No, no, no. We are not suggesting literal actual murder for a minor conflict —”
“— we aren’t,” Kaz says pointedly. “But I most certainly am.”
The angel turns to look kindly at the human again. “I’d still recommend that you keep your record clean by having an open discussion with her about your boundaries,” he says in a soothing voice that grates on Kaz’s ears. The smug prick shoots Kaz a quick glare around the human’s head.
Kaz glares back at him. They both know how this is going to go by now, and Kaz shouldn’t have to play nice just because the human is going to ignore his suggestion.
“Okay,” the human agrees, looking at the angel. “I can talk to her.” He glances back at Kaz like he’s going to retaliate.
Kaz scowls deeper.
They’re whisked back to their realm. Kaz goes first by a millisecond, so he’s already limping over to the report desk by the time the angel catches up to him.
He ignores Mr. Smug, who keeps asking for small clarifications like, “Here, right?” that Kaz is pretending he doesn’t hear any of.
“Hey, what should I put for time?” the angel asks suddenly, as if truly expecting an answer from Kaz. “Like, how long it took? Or what time we got there? Or what time we got back —?”
Kaz slams his pen down on the reports desk, whisking his filled out report off the counter the angel still stands at. He marches over to the reports shelf to turn it in before leaving the angel to his own devices.
Kaz glances at his pager before it restarts. The angel’s name is Nikolai, it looks like.
Great. Even his fucking name sounds high and mighty.
Kaz shoves his pager into his pocket at the same time it buzzes. He groans, pulls it out, and glances at the screen.
He reads through the provided files on his way to this next human’s realm, not exactly eager to work with David — the most naive angel he's ever had the displeasure of interacting with — this time around, but eager to get as far away from smug-ass Nikolai as possible.