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“Hey Kitty, can I ask you something?” Ladybug started off without even processing that she had spoken. The thoughts had been running through her mind for a week now. Ever since they helped Shadybug and ClawNoir back home to their own universes, Ladybug started to notice something. After they from another universe had gone back, Ladybug and ChatNoir talked about what happened.
“Yeah, I got through to her,” Ladybug had said, “She seemed to be going through things that I’m not, but I could see her pain. I told her how to make friends. I thought maybe if she had someone there to talk to she would not feel the urge to be evil anymore.” She explained.
“Who did you tell her to be friends with?” ChatNoir asked, swaying his legs. The two of them were sitting on a roof top, watching the moon rise into the sky.
Ladybug answered: “My best friend in this universe. She is so sweet and caring, I am sure that she in Shady’s and Claw’s universe would make good friends with her.” Ladybug looked over to her partner, “How about ClawNoir? How did you get through to him? Did he have a different situation than you do?” SHe asked.
ChatNoir was silent for a moment. He looked down, sighing, “Actually… not really.” He admitted. “We actually have the same problem. I won’t get into it though since it is part of my civilian life and I know how you feel about that.” He winked at his lady.
“If you want to give a broad explanation you can,” She offered, “As long as it won't give away your identity.”
ChatNoir shrugged, “Okay, I guess.” He sighed. He did not look at her as he spoke, he had his eyes fixed on the street below. “A little over a year ago, I lost someone very important to me, and so did ClawNoir. It was the same person.” he began, “I was a mess when it first happened. However, over time I made friends and it helped me deal with the loss. I guess Claw did not have that, and I can guess why.” He sighed, “I guess my father is not the best in other universes too.”
Ladybug’s eyes had widened. She had no idea that her partner, her best friend, was going through that. “Oh, Chat I am so sorry.”
“It’s alright,” He assured her, “I suggested he use my ways of coping instead. I just hope that he does that and not…” He trailed off, getting quiet for a second before finishing his sentence, “Not uh.. You know, go back to being evil and stuff.” Ladybug felt as if he was thinking of something different from what he had said. However, she did not want to pry.
The image of ClawNoir cataclysiming himself was flashing through her mind. If ClawNoir had done that, has ChatNoir thought about doing it before too?
“Of course m’lady!” ChatNoir hummed, “I would answer any and every question for you!” He grinned, “Within reason, you know.” Giving her a wink.
“Are you okay?” Ladybug asked. ChatNoir gave her a puzzled look, showing he did not understand what she meant. “That is my question. Are you okay? I am worried about you Chat.” She admitted.
ChatNoir cracked her a reassuring grin, “I am paw-sitively purr-fect bugaboo! What makes you so worried?” He threw a question back at her.
Ladybug sighed, “I cannot help but think about when ClawNoir had cataclysimed himself, and the time you tried to do it to yourself too.” She had also thought of when ChatBlanc had tried to destroy himself along with the entire universe, but she did not bring that up.
ChatNoir scrunched his face, “What? When did I try to cataclysm myself?” He asked. He had sounded actually confused and not like he was hiding something.
“The last time we faced reflecta and got sucked into the sentimonster,” Ladybug reminded.”You were about to do it before I stepped in to stop you.”
She noticed that Chat’s eyes widened slightly. Now he knew what she was talking about. “Oh,” he said, “That… we were both under that depressing trance the sentimonster had us under along with the students inside.” He pointed out.
“Yes, but the sentimonster only made our sad thoughts stronger, it did not add any new ones.” she pointed out, “Chat, I am worried. Have you thought of.. Have you thought of hurting yourself before?” She asked, managing to somehow spit the words out.
ChatNoir was looking away, not meeting her eyes, “No m’lady. I never have.” Except it was not his normal cheerful tone. It sounded as if all the life from his voice had been drained away and only left words.
Ladybug sighed, “Chat-”
“Look, I gotta go. I will see you tomorrow okay?” He said, rising to his feet. He pulled out his baton and leapt away.
~
The next night was different. Ladybug had gone on patrol by herself. She was a little shocked that ChatNoir had not been there. She hoped that she did not do or say anything to upset him. She was really worried for him. She hoped he had not done anything to hurt himself.
After patrol, Ladybug transformed back into Marinette, slipping into her bedroom from her trap door. She sat at her desk, finishing up the rest of her homework for the night. About twenty or so minutes into doing her homework, there was a knock at her trap door.
Marinette looked up to see it open and watched as ChatNoir climbed into her room, landing on her bed. “Hey, can I come in?” He asked, sounding a little down.
Marinette was a little shocked at first. Sure, Marinette and ChatNoir had become great friends over time and he would often come by to watch movies or play videogames, however he usually gave a heads up. This time, he came unannounced. “Of course,” Marinette said, “Come on down.”
ChatNoir climbed down from her bed. He walked over to where she was sitting, and stood beside her, looking over her shoulder, “What are you doing?” He asked, his voice dull.
“I just finished my homework before you got here,” Mari explained, then looking at the hero, “Hey, Chat? Are you alright? You sound a little upset. I also saw Ladybug out on patrol today and you were not with her.” She asked.
Chat rubbed the back of his neck, “Oh, yeah I had something I had to do earlier,” He answered, “Also, can I spend the night here? It’s okay if not, I just don't really want to go home right now.”
Marinette could feel something in her heart breaking as she heard the words leave his mouth. Why does he not want to go home? She wondered if it had anything to do about his father? “O-of course,” she answered, “Did something happen?”
Chat nodded his head, looking down, “I would tell you if I could, but I bet Ladybug would kill me if I talked about my personal life with someone.” He said.
“I doubt she would get mad at you,” Marinette tried to reassure him, “If you want to explain a bit of it to me you can, but if you don’t want to that is alright. Whatever makes you comfortable.” She gave him a soft smile.
“Thanks princess,” He sighed, stepping back to sit on a chair, “I got into a pretty bad fight with my dad.” He admitted. “We never get along, not since.. Not since my mom died.”
This time, Marinette’s heart truly broke. The person that ChatNoir had been talking about the other day with his mother. She thought it was a friend or a grandparent, but it was his mother. She could not even imagine what her life would be like without her mom.
“Well,” ChatNoir continued, “I guess it started when she was still alive. She was really sick and no one knew what could cure her. My dad was certain he could find one, so he would travel around looking for something,” He paused, “He did not find anything. She died, and ever since then my father has thrown himself into work. I thought he did not like me much before, but now I know he does not like me. I am sure he hates me. He only likes what I can do for him.” He sighed, “He has me working for him but I hate it. Today I tried to confront him about it. I told him I was sick of it and I wanted to stop, which…which earned me a slap across my face.”
Mari’s eyes widened, “Oh! Chat, are you okay?” She walked up to him, observing his face. She could see a bruise on his cheek starting to form. She placed her hand gently on his cheek, brushing over it softly.
Chat hummed, “I’ll be okay.” He paused. “You know,” he started again, “Ladybug said something to me yesterday, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.”
“What was it?” Mari asked. She knew. She knew it was about him trying to hurt or kill himself.
“Apparently I’m suicidal or something.” He mumbled, “She had to stop me from cataclysming myself once. I thought it was because I was under a trance from a sentimonster, but now that I think about it… I have had these thoughts for a while.” He looked down to his feet. Mari sat down next to him, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder. “I am always sacrificing myself for Ladybug. I thought it was because I loved her, but maybe it is because I am not afraid to die. In my civilian life I feel like I am a little careless when it comes to my safety. I don't know,” He sighed, “It’s not like I am enjoying life right now. My own father just hit me, and he has done worse.”
Marinette then hugged him. She pulled the cat boy into a tight hug. ChatNoir was taken aback at first, but then accepted the hug and hugged her back. They stayed like that for a while before Mari broke the hug. “I will always be here for you Kitty, no matter what. If you ever need a place to stay, someone to talk to, anything, I will always be here.” she promised.
“Thank you.” Chat thanked, sniffing.
“Wanna get some sleep?” She asked, “You can have my bed, I don’t mind staying on the floor tonight.” She offered.
“Can you.. Can you stay with me?” Chat asked, not looking up to meet her eyes.
A smile started to creep up Mari’s face, “Of course Kitty.” The two of them climbed back into Marinette’s bed. Chat rested his head on her chest as Mari covered them with her blanket. She started to pet his head, scratching a little behind his ear. This caused ChatNoir to purr, and start to drift off to sleep.
While he slept, Marinette made a promise to herself. She will always be there to help him, no matter what.