Chapter Text
During Naruto chapter 236
Thank you, Sakura.
The trees shuddered as the morning wind whistled through them, prematurely stripping away several of their still-green leaves. One leaf was carried to the river, ripples fanning out around it as it descended, distorting the golden sheen the sun cast over the body of water from its perch low in the eastern sky. Now at the command of the river, the leaf drifted downstream and disappeared under the shadow of the bridge on which Sakura stood.
Sakura shivered, too, the breeze causing goosebumps to jut up across her bare arms. Sasuke’s last words to her seemed to surround her, hiding in the whispers of the trees and the gurgling of the river. The ghost of the blow he sent to the back of her neck still lingered, in the gusts of wind that caressed her nape, and the ends of her own hair when they grazed against her spine.
The last person he saw when he left the village was me, Sakura thought. But that’s what hurts the most. I was the last chance we had to stop him, and I failed. How did I threaten to stop him? Scream?
Sakura was a Ninja; or, she was meant to be. But that night, her emotions had got in her way again, hindering her from acting logically. Sasuke hadn’t seen her as an opponent, or a friend, or even an obstacle in his path towards revenge. To him, she’d just been something insignificant which he could effortlessly remove from his way without a second thought. To him, she was merely and purely annoying.
I begged, I pleaded; I offered my heart, my tears and myself. I was stupid. And Sasuke-kun… none of it mattered to him. I didn’t matter to him.
But that’s how it had always been, hadn’t it? Sakura had never mattered to Sasuke. Even when a bond of comradeship had formed between them after a year of being on the same team, there was still a cold distance separating them. A distance that Sakura had so desperately wanted to breach. Yet Sasuke had never spared any attention for Sakura’s affections, or Sakura herself, for that matter.
Except, he had.
He thanked me, thought Sakura, clinging desperately to that memory. Those were the last words he spoke to anyone in the village; a thank you. To me.
But for what, Sakura wasn’t sure. What did Sasuke have to thank her for? For pestering him? For always getting in the way? Or maybe, just maybe, he really had appreciated her unwavering love for him. The love which consumed her, blinded her, pierced her heart like a thousand senbons…
Sakura shook the frivolous thought away. Why did she always let her emotions overpower her to the point of injury? She was hopeless. Whatever that thank you had been for, even if it had only been a way to shut her up, she was completely undeserving of it.
A Ninja must never show emotion, she told herself sternly. That’s the basics of Shinobi conduct. Just because I couldn’t follow through with it, Sasuke-kun is gone. And Naruto…
Sakura’s stomach dropped impossibly further as the real root of her anxieties, which she had tried hard to push to the back of her mind, invaded her consciousness once more.
Because of her incapacity to bridle her emotions, Naruto, Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Neji and Lee were somewhere out there on the frontline of danger, fighting bravely against Orochimaru’s malicious forces.
Sakura had lingered around the village gates all of yesterday, waiting for their return. Hope had turned into despair as the day wore on, yet she had remained close by, until her mother had eventually called her home for dinner. Today, when sleep abandoned her in the early hours of the morning, her restless legs had led her here to this bridge where she was now awaiting the opening of the hospital.
A scroll of bloody images rolled open within Sakura’s imagination; images of her friends and comrades at the brink of death. Naruto, who she’d forced into making that stupid promise… Shikamaru, who had looked on at her helpless snivelling in disgust… and Lee, who despite his injuries, had broken out of his hospital ward to aid the mission. Kiba, Neji and Choji, too; Sakura could visualise them, maimed and broken and out of hope, all because of her-
“Sakura!”
A shout drew Sakura out of her imaginings; the voice familiar, breathless, and incongruously joyous. Her heavy eyes landed on Ino, who was waving her arms and racing towards her, a smile stretching across her face.
“They all came back!” panted Ino, coming to a halt beside the bridge. “C’mon, they’re at the hospital!”
Sakura blinked, taking a moment to process the news; then a sigh of relief escaped her lips, and some heavy weight slipped off her shoulders.
They’re all here, she thought, rushing to Ino’s side with a newfound spring in her step. Naruto’s okay. And all of the rest of them… so Sasuke-kun, too.
“Who are you going to visit?” asked Sakura, when she finally recovered enough to speak again.
“I’ll check on Choji first,” said Ino. “How about you?”
“I’ll visit Naruto… and Sasuke-kun!”
* * *
Skidding to a halt in front of the dormitory where Sasuke and Naruto usually wound up after one of their crazy exploits, Sakura took a moment to catch her breath outside the door. There were voices coming from inside the room; Naruto and Sasuke must have already been up and ready to start making trouble again. Especially Naruto, the two of them had a habit of healing up unusually quickly.
Sakura smiled to herself, her worries from earlier forgotten.
I’m glad they’re okay, she thought. Everything turned out alright, after all. Why was I worrying so much?
She lifted her hand, fingers closing around the doorknob-
“Sasuke wouldn’t…”
Shikamaru’s voice, though muffled by the door between them, carried a graveness that made Sakura’s blood freeze. Hand still hovering at the door handle, she stilled, holding her breath and listening in.
“...No,” came the listless reply, the will seemingly stripped from a voice usually so full of energy.
“He’s gone.”
The world blurred, spun, and then came back into focus with a harsh new intensity. Sakura’s hand fell to her side, her carefree manner suddenly replaced with solemnity as a stone-cold clutch seized her heart.
No. It can’t be. Sasuke-kun is really…
“Are you here to visit the patient?”
A sharp voice cut off Sakura’s thoughts before they began to spiral, and she turned her head to see a figure walking briskly up to her. Blonde pigtails, billowing cloak, and a blue diamond blazing at the forehead of a shrewd, elegant face; Senju Tsunade looked upon Sakura with a piercing gaze.
The Fifth Hokage.
“You’re Haruno Sakura, right?” Tsunade asked.
Sakura flinched in surprise at the legendary healer’s knowledge of her name, but Tsunade broke into a kindly smile.
“Huh. News travels fast,”
She walked past Sakura, pushing on the door without hesitation. It swung open, revealing a rather glum, bandaged-up Naruto, and Shikamaru perched on the edge of his bed.
“S-Sakura-chan…”
Sakura almost winced at the pain in Naruto’s voice.
“Naruto…” she replied.
The boy’s eyes dropped to his wrapped-up hands, downcast. Shikamaru glanced over at him in concern, then met Sakura with an accusatory frown.
Sakura averted her gaze.
“Sakura-chan, I’m…” Naruto started again, “I’m sorry, I…”
She couldn’t bear it, the weight in his voice and the stubborn shadow cast over his lively eyes. She couldn’t bear the fact that he was saying sorry, when he was the one who’d suffered and she’d just sat around like some helpless damsel.
She couldn’t bear it, so she summoned the dregs of her strength and opened her mouth.
“What are you apologising for?” Sakura asked, voice unnaturally high as she feigned a carefree countenance. She felt her face twist uncomfortably into some contorted semblance of a smile.
Already sensing tears threatening to well up in her eyes, she began to chatter, her words merely a distraction from Naruto’s attempts at an apology which he didn’t deserve to give. Sakura could feel the eyes of Tsunade and Shikamaru trained on her critically, unimpressed at her efforts to brush off Naruto’s deep remorse.
“I’m sorry…” he began again; but this time Sakura interrupted him with a laugh.
“You should keep the curtains open!” she exclaimed, hurrying over to the window and flinging open the curtains rather violently. She leaned forward, making an act of drinking in the fresh air. “See, it’s gorgeous out there! It-”
“Sakura-chan! I will keep my promise,” Naruto raised his voice now, and the wheeze behind it was audible. “It’s… my promise of a lifetime, y’know!”
Sakura stilled, deflating as she was forced to face the consequences of the promise she’d heartlessly forced upon him.
“It’s okay, Naruto,” she said quietly, not turning back. “Forget it.”
“Sakura!” hissed Shikamaru, outraged. “He’s-”
“It’s like I always say,” continued Naruto, his face splitting into a painfully forced smile. “I never give up. That’s my Ninja way!”
Swallowing back a wave of nausea, Sakura gripped the window sill, braving the memory of yesterday’s happenings that flooded back to her.
Hair still unkempt from her sleep on the bench, and cheeks lined with tears, she’d begged shamelessly before a squad of Ninja who were being sent out on the most perilous journeys of their lives so far. She’d abandoned her dignity, making no move to remedy her own woes, and instead burdening a boy already shouldering burdens plentiful with another unfulfillable oath.
Please, Naruto… This is my wish of a lifetime….
Sakura had known Naruto loved her. She’d known that after months of rejecting him, he’d do everything within his power and out of it to please her. Yet in her desperacy, she’d clung to him, another liability to weigh down his every step. She’d depended on him to make a promise that he could never keep; one that would bring him nothing but undeserved guilt.
And what had Naruto done, but accept her promise with a smile so bright that it hurt her to think back at it.
Recalling her behaviour, Sakura sickened with disgust.
All I did was cry for help and cling to you… I did nothing…
Unable to bear the bitter taste of shame any longer, Sakura turned to leave the room. A new, steely resolution seemed to implant itself within her mind, driving her in curt steps towards the door.
“Naruto…” she said, pausing in the doorway, “I’m sorry. You’ll need to wait a while, but…”
Fighting back a lump that welled up in her throat, Sakura turned to fix Naruto with a determined smile.
“Next time, I’m coming with you!”
After a long moment, Naruto smiled back.
And this time, it was real.
* * *
Seeking comfort, Sakura found herself hovering outside another patient room; one specific ward which she’d visited almost every day as of late. She peered through the ajar door, spying the wide airy windows which had allowed for multiple escapes, a pair of crutches leaning against the bed frame, and a glass vase which was currently devoid of any of its usual daffodils.
Sakura knocked on the door, and the enthusiastic reply came milliseconds later.
“Come in!”
Nudging the door open, Sakura entered the room.
Rock Lee was sitting straight up in bed, undeterred by his healing spinal fractures. The sunlight shining upon him from the window only further exaggerated his abnormally high-vibrancy appearance, highlighting the stark contrast between his skin and his dark hair. Sakura had once ridiculed him for his looks, but after he’d protected her selflessly in the Forest of Death, she now only had respect for his optimistic and determined nature.
Despite being apparently severely drained of chakra, Lee’s eyes were attentively wide, and to Sakura he looked ready to take flight.
“Good morning, Sakura-san!” he greeted, smiling brightly at his guest. “Your beauty blooms with even more fervour under today’s dazzling sunlight! In your presence, my spirit feels immediately invigorated with youth!”
“Hello, Lee-san,” said Sakura with a watery smile, seating herself at the foot of his bed. “I’m so glad you’re okay. The mission… it ended up being really dangerous, huh?”
Lee’s energy seemed to dwindle slightly.
“Yes,” he said. “It was a journey that zealously challenged our youth, and in the end… Sasuke did not return. I’m sorry we failed you, Sakura-san.”
“It’s not your fault,” sighed Sakura, shaking her head. “Sasuke-kun chose to go to Orochimaru of his own accord…”
Sakura trailed off, searching for something to say to lighten the mood. It didn’t suit Lee to be damp-spirited.
“Oh, Lee-san!” she exclaimed, suddenly remembering an amusing occurrence from the day before. “I can’t believe you took a bottle of sake instead of your medicine! There was a big fuss in the hospital after you left… Guy Sensei was worried sick. Did you really drink it?”
“Yes!” said Lee, instantly brightening up. “In the heat of my escape, I mistook one bottle for another. But it was an accident I was thankful for! The sake only contributed to the blazing youth surging through my veins! The Jutsu I executed under its influence was so youthful that it left my opponent spell-bound!”
Sakura wasn’t convinced that whoever Lee had fought had been more dumb-stricken than spell-bound by his so-called ‘Drunken Fist’.
“So you did get to fight in the end, huh?” she asked. “I was so worried about you, Lee-san. It wasn’t right for you to do something so dangerous in your state… But it looks like you had a great time. What kind of person were you fighting?”
“He was an intriguing opponent with an awesome Kekkai Genkai! He was able to remove his bones from his own body and use them as weapons!”
“That’s disgusting!”
“It was certainly a unique power! A worthy rival, with applaudable skill which certainly put my youth to the test. It’s a shame the springtime of his youth was cut short!”
“You mean… you defeated him, Lee-san?”
“Unfortunately not! As of yesterday, the accumulation of my efforts was not yet enough to overpower him. In fact, he was the one who nearly put an end to my days of youth! But thanks to Gaara’s timely arrival, the battle only further vitalised the burning youth in my blood!”
Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise at this.
“Gaara?” she asked. “Gaara was there, too? And he… saved you?”
“Yes!” Lee affirmed, nodding eagerly. “He caused me trouble in the past, but this time, he came as a comrade! His performance against Orochimaru’s follower was youthful! But… I owe my experience yesterday entirely to you, Sakura-san! Thank you for aiding me in my escapade!”
Sakura lowered her head, flushing in shame. It was true; yesterday, after the Retrieval Squad had departed, she’d helped Lee back to his hospital room and accompanied him for part of the morning. However, he’d been restless, unwilling to miss out on such a vital mission. In awe of his determination to go out there and help, Sakura had helped him with his hospital break-out… while she herself stayed put, clinging to the hope that someone else would bring Sasuke back to her.
“I’m just glad you’re safe, Lee-san,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself desolately. “It… it was a dangerous thing to do,”
Lee seemed to notice her disheartened mood, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
“Don’t let your youthful blossom wilt, Sakura-san!” he announced. “Do not worry - we will soon bring Sasuke back to the village! Until then, I will work twice as hard to get strong enough to do so!”
Sakura felt a fresh wave of restless helplessness rush over her. There was Lee, his skeleton still held together simply by threads of chakra after being cruelly maimed, yet still talking about work twice as hard. Whereas to Sakura, who’s injury was not physical but merely a case of a petty broken spirit, the idea of doing anything to fix herself back together just seemed alien.
“You’re always so energetic, Lee-san,” she murmured wistfully. “I wish I was more like you,”
Lee simply stared at her, then blinked, as if he couldn’t believe his ears.
“B-but why, Sakura-san?” he asked incredulously, turning slightly pink. “You are the epitome of grace and beauty! There is nothing in me that could even begin to shine as bright as any of your own admirable qualities!”
“Well, you’re so determined to achieve your dream,” said Sakura. “And you stick to it. You’re impossibly hard-working. You see everything in a positive light, even when the situation is painful. Whereas I… I have no drive to work harder. I just feel… low,”
As if dazed, Lee blinked a few times more, before clearing his throat.
“I see what ails you, Sakura-san!” he announced, straightening up impossibly further with passion. “What you lack has nothing to do with your exemplary character! In fact, what you are currently deprived of… is YOUTH!”
He fist-pumped emphatically, flashing Sakura with a confident smile.
Sakura returned it hesitantly, apprehensive as to whether Lee’s beloved “youth” would really solve anything.
“I’m don’t know if-”
“Yes! This is the root of your sorrows! But do not fear; your deficiency is easily cured. Especially with your breathtaking intellect and talent! In no time, you will rediscover the springtime of your youth, and your blossom of beauty will be blooming more ardently than ever before!”
Sakura knew Lee only meant well; but his unwavering conviction and earnest praises were too much for her. His sincere devotion to her, a false idol, was infinitely undeserved. Frustration bubbled within her, triggering those unbearable tears to well up in her eyes once more.
“I’m really nothing like how you make me out to be, Lee-san,” said Sakura, feeling her voice begin to wobble. “I… I don’t deserve any of the praise you give me. I’m a disgusting, pitiful burden who’s too weak to even control my own emotions. They always get in the way of the mission and make me freeze up, or do something irrational, or even hurt my own comrades. All I do is cling to other people like a helpless child, but on my own I… I have no ambition. I have no skill. I’m just…” Her composure crumpled, and against her will, her face contorted hideously to squeeze out the tears brimming her eyes. “I’m j-just nobody,”
To shield herself in such a state from the eyes of the onlooking Lee, Sakura swiped at her eyes furiously with her arm and turned away. However, rather than criticising her or even comforting her, Lee’s own wide eyes shimmered with tears and his mouth quivered, two twin rivers snaking their way down his face.
“Sakura-san!” he wailed, clutching his bedsheets imploringly. “Do not doubt yourself! L-labelling yourself with such hateful slander will only damage your youthful capacity! Guy Sensei himself quoted so wisely that hard work will amount to nothing if you do not believe in yourself! With all the vitality blazing in my blood, I believe in you, Sakura-san! You too must believe in yourself!”
There were a few chaotic moments of Sakura’s convulsive sniffles and hiccups harmonising most unmelodiously with Rock Lee’s heart-wrenching sobs, before the latter choked out;
“And Sakura-san, there is nothing wrong with being overcome by your feelings! In fact, it is when we are fuelled by passion and raw emotion that our youth is at its peak! Youth is all about channeling our inner fire and taking impossible leaps across the green hilltops of our springtime whimsy. You only must ensure that the emotions that seize you are positive!”
It took Sakura a moment to finally regain control over her breathing, and with one final sniff, she swiped her tears away. Lee took a while longer to calm down, but when he eventually did he was smiling radiantly, hand stretched out towards Sakura in a thumbs up.
“Do you feel brighter, Sakura-san?”
Sakura stilled, noting her current internal state with wonder. Rather than feeling shame or woe, somehow she just felt… clearer.
“I… I do,” she affirmed slowly.
“As expected! Our session of heartfelt emotional discharge was like a rainshower! It nurtured the youthful seeds of compassion and washed the filth away. And now the clouds of doubt have cleared, our spirits burn like a thousand suns, ready to rise upon the invigorating springtime ahead!”
Lee leaned forwards eagerly, eyes locked intently with Sakura’s.
“Sakura-san, can you feel the warmth of the vitalising rays beaming across your mind? Do you feel inspired? Enlightened? What youthful revelation within you has this illumination shed its indubitable light upon?”
Still mystified by her new clarity of mind, Sakura really turned her brain over in search of any so-called “youthful revelations”. And sure enough, there she found one; a fancy that had been niggling at her since her visit to Naruto’s ward, now brought out from the background of her consciousness.
Sakura recalled Sasuke, his body limp after his traumatic reunion with his brother, once more sitting up in his bed with her arms wrapped around him. She pictured Lee, uncharacteristically despondent after his brutal fight against Gaara, suddenly gifted with a miraculous, beckoning hope at a second chance. With a punch strong enough to make craters and a Jutsu that raised the half-dead, Senju Tsunade marched decidedly to the forefront of Sakura’s mind.
Sakura looked back at Lee with just as much conviction, a new spark reigniting the smouldering fire within her green eyes.
“I’m going to ask Lady Tsunade to take me on as her apprentice,” she declared. “I’m going to become a medic ninja. So the next time we go out to bring back Sasuke-kun, everybody will be clinging to me and not the other way around. And we’ll succeed!”
“Yes!” Lee’s eyes shimmered in awe, enraptured by Sakura’s fiery new resolve. “What a more youthful course of action is there than restoring the vitality of others? Sakura-san, I believe you shall not only achieve your goal, but become the greatest medic ninja of all time!”
“Thank you, Lee-san,” she smiled, slipping off the bed and bowing respectfully. “You’ve really helped me out today,”
“It is my pleasure to contribute to the joy of such an alluring flower as you, Sakura-san!”
* * *
All this time, Sakura had been blinkered by her dream of Sasuke, unable to see beyond the boy she’d scurried after like a tail. When Sasuke had disappeared into the distance, too far away for her to chase any longer, her blindfold had finally fallen away. It was then that she’d seen for the first time the endless planes of possibility stretched out around her in all directions, leaving her feeling insignificant and empty.
But now she’d mapped out a route for herself, and she knew that all she could do was carve out the road and keep on running towards the horizon. Without Kekkai Genkai and no ninja parents; Sakura definitely had no headstart. And the path ahead was bound to be more flawed than she’d planned, full of pebbles and potholes and forks in the road to slow her down. Nevertheless, her only choice was to run onwards, until it was her back that people were watching. Until she could reunite with Sasuke again, no longer somebody he could look down upon as annoying.
As she stood there at that moment before the Hokage’s Office, heart hammering with anxiety, Sakura knew that she was about to take the first step in this marathon.
Her knuckles still tingled from knocking on the door moments ago, her ears ringing with the silence that stretched out; until a crisp voice from inside suddenly bellowed, “Enter!”
The door creaked, inching open to reveal Tsunade seated at her desk. Her steely gaze bore into Sakura, mildly impatient. Sakura was seized by the urge to turn and leave at once, before she embarrassed herself irredeemably in front of those eagle eyes. Because, for a person of her level, maybe what she was about to request was indeed laughable.
However, she recalled her discussion with Lee minutes earlier, letting the brightness in his eyes feed the flame of will within her. With the power she mustered, she swallowed back her nerves and spoke.
“Tsunade-sama,” said Sakura, forcing herself to meet the Hokage’s harsh gaze. “I have a favour to ask you,”
“What is it?”
“Please, take me on as your apprentice!”