Work Text:
Anthony sits at the kitchen table in his tiny apartment. He’s going to do it today. His hands are shaking as he picks up the pen. He should probably be writing this to his family, give them an explanation. Instead, he writes a single word on the envelope. James. James who’ll never be able to read this.
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Dear James,
It’s been two weeks since I lost you. They’ve mostly left me alone for now. Some of the officers who were present seem to be judging me from afar, but they haven’t reported me for gross indecency yet. I’m sure it’s coming though. They are already saying such horrendous things about you. I can’t bear to hear such terrible words being spoken about such a brave man.
I wanted to be brave, too. I wanted to get through this for you, my captain. But I can’t. You’re gone and you’re never coming back to me. I’m all alone in a world which does not understand or accept me. I wish we could’ve fought against the world side by side.
I can’t go on like this. You deserved to live. I should’ve died in that explosion, at least then you would’ve been safe. But reality isn’t what we want it to be, is it? I refuse to live my life with a broken heart and a face that only gets me pity.
I’m going to take my life once I finish writing this. If there is a heaven, I hope to see you there. Although if heaven really is only for good people, I’m afraid that’s not where I will be going. I’m not a good person. I am a killer. And they consider me a sinner for loving you. Isn’t it strange? How you can take lives and be celebrated for it, but if you love the wrong person, you’re condemned. If so, it might be better if heaven does not exist. Either way, life without you is worse than no life at all.
For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I love you James. I love you so much. I hope you know that, wherever you may be. And if the last word you spoke was my name, it’s only fitting for my last word to be yours, my love. My James.
~Yours, forever and always
Anthony Havers
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He seals the letter, smiling softly. “I love you James.” He breathes.
The body of Anthony Havers is found the next morning, it’s presumed he’s taken his own life. Nobody dares open the letter lying on the table. His family is notified and he gets buried two days later.
Maybe he meets his captain in the afterlife. Maybe he’s destined to stay where he died forever. Either way, his life is over. And nobody really knows what happens after that, do they?