Chapter Text
"I’ve been looking into places to study abroad — temporarily, of course!” she'd said, giving a little bit more importance than was probably warranted to, at the time, very loose plans.
When Ryuji said he was moving away for rehabilitation, Ann, despite herself, impulsively decided to announce her plans to move even further away. It all turned quite somber from there, seemed everyone had plans that would leave the group pretty disconnected. She secretly hoped he'd say something about her plans, that he'd object, say it was dumb and she should just stay here, maybe graduate high school in Japan first. Maybe he’d even reconsider moving away himself, whatever! It was foolish and she knew it, but she was looking for a sign. Anything at all to suggest he cared for her in the stupid, selfish way she did for him.
But of course, he didn't say anything, he was too good for that. For all their bickering, for all the jokes at her expense, he'd never think of coming in between her and her dreams. Ryuji was never selfish when it truly counted. That almost made it worse — his stupid unflinching loyalty and his dumb selfless heroism is what got her into this mess in the first place!
Ann said she was leaving — not forever, sure, but probably for a while — and he didn't say anything, just grimaced vaguely. There wasn't anything he could say anyway, if she was determined to go why should he stop her? Why would he want to? Because he'd miss her? Because he was afraid they'd grow apart before he decided to grow a spine? It sounded ridiculous. Worse, it made him feel like the Bastard, and so he was determined to not make his feelings her problem.
Sadly, however, this did not help him feel any better about the whole thing.
Whatever, the friend group was moving apart anyway, everyone needed to focus on different things. 'Course they were gonna stay close, after the horrors they'd seen and fought together — how could they not? But goddamn, it stung, more than Ryuji cared to admit. At least, if it was only him moving, they probably could still hang out. Maybe less, yeah, but…
It’s all a moot point anyway. She doesn’t like him, that’s been clear since the day they met. And if any of that had changed, well, last Valentines Day was probably as close to a rejection as he could've gotten without having to say anything. And he would rather face Yaldabaoth again than risk saying something only to be rejected by Ann goddamn Takamaki.
Even he didn’t know what he meant by that. If pressed, he’d say it’s ‘cause “she’s a hassle” but there’s only so many times he could use that excuse. Really it was that in Ryuji’s mind, they didn’t make any sense together. No way a girl like Ann would want to date some punk with no future like him. They could be friends, sure, but Ann could do so much better than him, dating wise. It was a truth, in his mind, so obvious, that it was just stupid to pretend otherwise. And so, he didn’t, and he really thought that would be the end of it, like with every girl way out of his league.
But unfortunately for him, he’d grown stupidly, frustratingly attached to the ‘hassle’ he’s been bickering with all last year and he let himself forget this one cardinal truth. Really, he should’ve seen this coming, they were always gonna go their separate ways. He might get his future back, but they weren’t going to share it.
They barely talked since Ren left. Maybe a couple half-hearted jabs here and there, just to keep up appearances, maybe a couple group hangouts, reminiscing about Phantom Thieves’ adventures and the upcoming semester. But it was different and everyone could tell.
Ann became dead-set on going to London for her study abroad, getting more and more enchanted by the prospect the more she researched it. Her parents just seemed glad to be able to see her again, as their job had carried them to the UK at that time. It seemed like a good opportunity too — she'd learn more about fashion, improve her English skills, and, with her parents' connections, she might even be able to continue her part-time model work. For a while, every hangout seemed to revolve around her future plans and all the fun things she’ll see.
Ryuji struggled very hard not to hate England, but he loathed hearing about it with every fiber of his being. He kept busy to avoid having time to think of it though, or, indeed, even having the time to hear about it. Using his share of the Phantom Thieves money, Ryuji got a room closer to a rehabilitation center and had to switch schools. He’d even taken up occasional part-time shifts with some of Ren’s old employers. Thanks to the pretty heavy workload and the physical distance, it wasn't immediately obvious that he'd begun avoiding the group, and Ann in particular.
Makoto and Haru started college, Yusuke was making progress on his paintings and Ann was at Shujin with Futaba but was not to stay there for long. That foreboding feeling of distance the thieves felt at the start of the year was now beginning to bloom like the cherry blossoms at Shujin Academy the day the Phantom Thieves’ story began.
Ann, for her part, was as hesitant to leave as she was excited to. She’d miss Shiho, of course, as well as the Thieves. And worst of all, she'd miss him. It wasn’t forever, just a semester, but that did nothing to assuage her fears: “Since things are already weird when I’m just planning to leave, how much worse will it get if I actually do it?”
This weird sense of distance and tension was her fault too, maybe if she was less indecisive and unsure, maybe if she hadn’t chickened out on Valentines’ Day. But she wasn’t and she didn’t — instead, she spent all of Valentines Day flip-flopping between giving him chocolate or not, even to the point of distraction. Long story short, her chocolate ended up melting due to the strength of the heater she placed them beside, leaving her with an untempered mess. So, she ended up giving him half-melted friendship chocolates the next day in shame. She couldn’t imagine what sort of message that sent but it can’t have been “I’m not thrilled about this either, but I think I like you,” as would have been ideal.
Maybe if she’d been more honest with herself earlier, maybe she could’ve found the right moment to confess before whether they’ll even remain friends was called into question. For all her courage, for all her determination in the face of sex-pests, crime lords and actual gods, a simple, honest conversation scared her most. Liking Ryuji crept up on her when she’d least expected it, and she was completely unprepared for how to go about actually asking him out. She had no frame of reference for what a successful ‘ask-out’ even looked like. Most of the time, she was on the side being confessed to, and each of those times was super awkward.
Thing is, she was good at identifying when others were into her — it was part of her training, arguably. And yet, this somehow was just not enough to tell whether Ryuji liked her. Did he find her attractive? Yeah, duh! If his tastes were as shallow as he’d made them out to be in Hawaii, she definitely fit the criteria. But there was a big difference between him finding her attractive and him wanting to, well, date her. And she had no idea how to figure out the latter. God, she really wished he would say something, just the smallest hint of interest would be enough.
But even though she didn’t want to entertain the possibility yet (she’d only just come to terms with her own feelings after all), it was about time to consider he never would. Maybe he just didn’t like her that way.
It was Ann’s final day in Tokyo before she set off for her trip. The Thieves once more reunited — even Ren took the time to see her off properly, with a get together at LeBlanc, just like the old days. It was strange, in a sense. With Ren’s presence, the tension between all the group members seemed to melt away, at least temporarily, as they all got lost in the familiar flow of conversation and banter. All except for Ryuji and Ann.
As Ann tried to drown her rising discomfort and general worry in chocolate and laughter, Ryuji spent it trying desperately to avoid looking her in the eyes and being generally snappy (especially towards anyone who mentioned he was being a little snappy). Ren and Makoto weren’t helping either, with their concerned looks and inquisitive eyebrow raises. Of course, Makoto already knew of Ann’s feelings (so did Futaba, although Ann never told her directly, or even indirectly really), but she merely suspected Ryuji’s – it was unlikely to be anything else, but, given her own lack of experience in these matters, she was not about to assume without confirmation.
But the problems didn’t cease. At one point, Haru somewhat carelessly asked Ann if she was excited to meet any cute British boys. Ann was in the middle of jokingly agreeing when Ryuji suddenly said, with an uncharacteristic bitterness so potent it left them reeling, “Yeah, good luck with that, Ann,” before abruptly getting up from the table and beginning to make his way to the door. Then, seemingly possessed midway through, he decided instead to go to the bathroom. Ann sat there, confused, with no clue of how to even process that whole...scene.
Ryuji kicked himself internally, externally, and in all the ways it is possible to kick oneself. He stared at his reflection in the cramped bathroom mirror, just marveling at his own actions. Maybe Morgana was right, he was stupid. Dumbass. You’ve not only made things weird, now you’re gonna have to answer a bunch of real annoying questions from Makoto, Ren and shit, probably Ann too. Maaannn…this bites.
He shouldn’t have said anything — it was meant to be come across as funny, a light jab like the usual kind! Why'd his voice have to betray him now?! He really shouldn’t have gotten up from the table either. But people were staring at him and the temptation to ‘just get out of there’ won out.
At least until his conscience got the better of him and he decided he didn’t want to ruin Ann’s party. And now, he’s in the bathroom, splashing odd-smelling water on his face and cursing himself for his inability to shut up. He really hadn’t learned anything since the early Phantom Thief days, had he? But he couldn't help it. He didn’t want to hear about any theoretical ‘cute British guys’ and he didn’t want to imagine Ann thinking about them either.
It was selfish and petty, but this entire party felt like just another reminder that she would be gone for a long time. That she was slipping through his fingers faster than he could learn to be okay with that.
When Ryuji came back, he seemed to act like that whole slightly unpleasant outburst had never happened, and so the others went along with it, at once glad this didn’t escalate and anxious it’ll happen again. Ann had managed to convince herself it was probably nothing, at least for the moment. While reminiscing, the Thieves brought up the Firework festival they went to last year and realized that neither Haru nor (really) Futaba had been with them. So, impulsively, they decided to go to a similar fireworks display happening that night.
There was no time to find the traditional yukata, they just went in what they had. While stopping by at a convenience store for some snacks, Ryuji abruptly remembered the six of them standing out in the rain, almost completely soaked through, Ann wringing out the water from her yukata. Dammit. That’s not an image he wanted in his mind right now.
At what point did he start feeling guilty for finding her hot? She objectively was, and he’d felt no shame about saying so to the guys (or to her face on the rare occasion!) But now? It felt too…revealing. Now it wasn’t just that she was attractive, but that he thought she was.
Suddenly, he felt a finger poking his shoulder.
"Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you," Makoto said, as he turned around a little too fast. "Ann and the other girls went ahead, just so you know."
"Riiight, cool." He said, already turning back around.
"And…you know, she very well may ask about it."
His eyes shot back up, but he didn’t turn.
"’Bout what?"
"Whatever you call that jealous outburst at LeBlanc today."
"What!? I wasn’t jealous! I—" He realized too late this was probably the reaction she wanted, based on that self-satisfied smirk she had on her face. "I…shit, what'cha want, Makoto?"
"Just to tell you to prepare what you’re going to say to her," She said, a calm smile on her face, "And to suggest honesty as your best option."
"Yeah, bet that’ll go over great." Ryuji looked around, tapping his foot anxiously, unsure of how to respond. "…I’m not ruinin’ her party."
"Say nothing and you’ll ruin a whole lot more than a party." She said and then walked away towards the counter.
Now alone again, he finally realized which aisle he’d unconsciously wandered into. It was the sweets section of the store. Goddamn it. It's like Christmas all over again.
December 25th, Last year. The gang was celebrating Christmas and the success of their mission together and Ryuji was in charge of bringing snacks for the group. He was in a rush, and most of the good stores were closed, so he picked something out fast — in this case, a box of sweets — and made it all the way to LeBlanc before asking himself why he picked a snack he was decidedly not going to enjoy himself. He didn’t think too hard about it when he was buying the box, but it was hard not to when everyone was pointing it out.
He sat at that table, trying to justify his actions to himself, explanations ranging from sleep deprivation to some sort temporary madness, when he saw Ann take one of the candies and plop it in her mouth. Her eyes widened a little, as if surprised, and the corners of her mouth curved upwards. "Whoa, these are actually really good, Ryuji! Who knew you had such an eye for sweets?" she said, when her conversation with Makoto hit a lull.
The minute she said it, he finally untensed. Enough to realize he'd been clutching at his jacket, pretty much from the moment she'd reached for the box. Jeez, what did he have to be so nervous about? Was he waiting for her approval or something?
Ann went back to her conversation with Makoto and Ryuji got pulled into some dispute Yusuke and Futaba were having about the artistic merit of video games. But Ryuji found himself periodically glancing back at Ann, and wondering if this is the first time he's been like this or if this is just the first time he's noticed it. Every once in a while, when he looked at her, she was smiling or laughing along with a joke someone made. He kinda regretted not paying attention in class — maybe if he did, he'd have the words to describe her smile like the poets did. Alas, he spent most of that time skipping class and going to Mementos. So all he had instead was: "...cute." Which was just as bad a thought to have as comparing it to the warmth of the sun, if not worse.
It only was while looking back on this experience while on his way home that Ryuji realized it:
"Shit. I think I like her."
He left the store without buying anything. Maybe Makoto was right, maybe it would be easier to tell her, get it out of the way and never speak of it again.