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Valerie Gray considered herself to be a good person. She fought ghosts and protected people. She got good grades. She broke up with Danny Fenton when she was sure that dating him would only put him in danger even though it broke her heart. So yes, she considered herself to be a good person.
All of that was challenged as she and Phantom flew away from Mr. Masters mansion at top speed with Phantom holding a small baby whose wails filled the air. Valerie had been surprised to learn that half ghosts like the little girl Mr. Masters had sent her after existed. She had been shocked to learn that Mr. Masters was also a half ghost. But learning that her ex-boyfriend Danny Fenton was the monstrous Phantom had horrified her to the core. She had tortured him. She had seen him take injuries that would be fatal to a regular human. And now he had a clone. The Justice League had recently passed something that made cloning someone without their consent to be sexual assault, so technically Mr. Masters had been sexually abusing Danny.
Phantom changed direction and veered towards a rooftop. She followed him and landed next to him as he transformed back into a human. (or as human as he could get) Danny was in just a t-shirt, his hoodie having been sacrificed to keep the de-aged Dani warm in the October night air. She could see branching scars that looked like electrical burns trailing up his arm. What were those called again?
“Val, she wont stop crying! What do I do?” he asked frantically.
She took off her helmet but left the rest of the suit. “How the hell should I know? Maybe she’s hungry? We had to feed that flour sack every four hours right?” She paused as she thought about that particular fiasco. Huh. In hindsight that made a lot more sense.
Danny calmed down a fraction, but considering how much he was freaking out that wasn’t saying very much. “Right right. Food. Babies this young probably only drink milk?” He said it like a question. She didn’t really know either. “Where’s the closest Walmart?”
Valerie pulled up her suit's navigation system. “Umm, there’s one about four miles southeast of here. Should only be a couple minutes flight.”
As Danny transformed and they took flight again Valerie thought about the last few hours. Capturing Ellie and delivering her to Mr. Masters, capturing and torturing Phantom, Phantom revealing that half ghosts exist in order to beg to save Ellie’s life, watching as Phantom pulled the now baby Ellie from a pool of ectoplasm, watching Mr. Masters transform, and most importantly seeing Phantom transform from his eldritch furry self into the meek, delinquent Danny Fenton. To say that she had had a mild meltdown in the middle of the woods would be an understatement.
It was dark enough and Phantom had enough black fur that he didn’t bother turning invisible as they got closer to civilization. Or maybe he did that for her benefit, who knows. Together they landed in a secluded corner and became civilians again.
Danny still had a panicked look on his face. “I just realized that I don’t have any money. My parents cut off my allowance. How are we gonna pay?”
Valerie didn’t know whether to be touched or offended by the fact that he knew that she didn’t have any money either. Well, not any money of her own anyways. She dug into her wallet and pulled out a card. “Mr. Masters gave me this for emergencies. He made this mess, he can pay for it.” She could see Danny arguing with himself about whether or not he wanted to take Master’s money. “Think of it as child support,” she said, hoping to convince him.
Danny slumped. Whether in relief or defeat was hard to tell. “I can’t believe Vlad is my baby daddy.” he groaned. Valerie couldn’t help the snort that escaped her.
The whole time Ellie hadn’t stopped crying. Suddenly remembering why they were there they both sprinted for the Walmart entrance. They quickly found the baby section only to once again be faced with the knowledge that they had no clue what they were doing.
“There’s so many kinds of formula. Which one do we pick?”
“There’s filtered water here. Do we have to use filtered water?”
“I think she just peed on me. We need diapers.”
“Oh god diapers come in different sizes too. Which one do we need?”
With each discovery and each question they got more and more frantic as Ellie continued to cry. Desperately looking things up on their phones. Danny wound up taking off his t-shirt to make a makeshift diaper (those electrical scars went over his chest too). Just when they were both really beginning to spiral into a panic a heavy ghetto accent asked, “Do y’all need any help? You two look like y’all need help.”
Valerie turned around to see an older black woman with three children looking at her in concern. Danny locked onto her with laser focus. “Which formula for a… a… shit. I don’t know how old she is. A baby with no teeth?” he asked her.
The woman hummed and turned to her oldest. “MaryAnne? Baby, take the cart and your brothers and go find your Daddy in the Halloween section. Mama’s got a job to do.”
“Yes Mama,” said the girl, who grabbed the cart and walked away.
The woman watched them go and then turned to Danny. “Let me see the little munchkin. Ooh, she look like she about three month ol’ maybe. Do you know if she has any allergies?” she asked Valerie.
She shook her head as Danny answered. “I’ve had custody of her for like, half an hour. I don’t know anything about her other than her name.”
The woman frowned. “You mean to tell me that her mother gave up custody and handed you a naked starving baby?” she asked incredulously. Valerie and Danny both winced, realizing that they would have to come up with some kind of cover story. The woman seemed to take that as an answer. “Hoooo boy. Well no wonder they granted you custody. Don’t you two worry your pretty little heads, your friendly neighborhood Mama Jessy’s here to help you.”
Over the next half hour, Mama Jessy helped them get everything they needed. From a bottle that would fight colic to a carseat/stroller combo to a coat that would fit all winter. She showed them how to make a bottle, how to burp her, and how to change a diaper. When she learned how far away from home they were and that they didn’t have a car she offered to drive them home even though it would be a four hour round trip for her. (they couldn’t very well argue that they could just fly, since they now had a lot of stuff to carry)
Suffice it to say, Mama Jessy was a godsend. They both made sure to trade numbers with her.
Two hours later Mama Jessy dropped them off in front of the Fenton house with all their stuff and waved goodbye. Valerie was a little surprised that the woman didn’t come inside with them but she supposed that it would be very late by the time she got home. Danny hid the crib and stroller by the garage and stood on the porch with the carseat and shopping bags.
“You should probably go,” he told her. “Telling my parents will probably be worse with you here.”
“What are you gonna tell them?” she asked.
Danny took a deep breath before answering. “I’m going to tell them that Vlad’s been abusing me, and that he took some of my sperm to create Ellie as some kind of messed up love child. It’s close enough to the truth without revealing the whole half ghost thing that I think it’ll work.”
Valerie pulled a disgusted face. She wasn’t sure which one would be worse; harvesting someone’s DNA to clone them or harvesting someone’s sperm to breed them. Then she thought about it for a second longer. Actually, scratch that, due to the only method of harvesting sperm that one would be worse. She was impressed with how much Danny was willing to throw Mr. Masters under the bus.
“Well good luck Ghost Boy,” she said teasingly. Danny froze at first, but then his face broke into that gorgeous smile that had convinced her to date him in the first place.
“Yeah, you too,” he said.
Valerie stayed long enough to help him carry Ellie and her new stuff inside. Then she donned her suit and flew home. She was a few hours overdue for an existential crisis.