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Tim was doubled over next to his car as he heard the loud bang of a gunshot echo in the school building. He had barely heard it over the sound of his own coughing, but it was unmistakable and his heart dropped when he realized it could really only mean two things. One, Alex shot the man in the hoodie, or vice versa if the man had managed to fight Alex for the gun. Option two…
Was Jay.
Somehow, someway, Jay had escaped Tim’s house and had gotten himself involved again. Tim didn’t know how he knew that that was the correct option, but he did. It was just a deep feeling in his gut that told him Jay was here.
Tim was still heaving as he pulled himself up into something resembling a standing position. He could barely breathe and he had already checked his duffel bag for his pills, discovering them to be missing. He didn’t care though. He couldn’t care. He had to get to Jay. Part of him hoped that maybe, by some miracle, Jay had managed to get the gun off of Alex, or maybe Alex shot at him and missed.
They never were that lucky though, were they?
Tim stumbled his way back to the front of Benedict Hall, pushing his way through the doors as quietly as his unsteady hands could muster. He stifled cough after cough, trying not to alert Alex to his presence.
Pausing to listen carefully, Tim could faintly make out footsteps above him, thought he couldn’t tell exactly how far away from him they were or if they were walking towards or away from. Deciding to take the risk, he made his way slowly up the stairs and pressed his back up against the wall, looking over his shoulder down the hallway.
He saw no sign of Alex, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t close by or simply waiting in a nearby room for him or the man in the hoodie, if he was still around somewhere. Thankfully, Tim was starting to be able to breathe again and he wasn’t having to fight back so many coughs now. He just hoped that would last long enough for him to be able to find Jay.
He walked down the hallway, taking extra care to make sure he didn’t step on anything that might make a noise loud enough for Alex to hear.
As he was looking down at the ground where he was stepping, he noticed what looked to be a small drop of something next to his foot.
Blood. It was blood.
Any progress he had made on getting his breathing under control had been shattered, knowing now that whether it was Jay or Alex, one of them had definitely been shot and was bleeding. It was getting harder for Tim to convince himself that Jay was uninjured and fine and safe at his house where he had left him. He never should’ve left him.
His eyes followed the trail of blood to a door slightly down the hallway. There were large spaces in between each drop of blood, as if someone was trying to hide their trail.
Despite everything in him telling him to turn around, Tim took a few slow steps toward the door until he was practically running at it. The door itself was shut and Tim could see the remnants of a bloody hand print on the handle as if whoever was inside had opened it and then closed it behind him. He opened it slowly, dreading what he was about to see on the other side. His breath caught in his throat.
Tim felt as if his heart had stopped beating entirely. Jay was slumped up against the wall, his hand loosely pressing against his side as blood trickled through his fingers. His head was bent down, as if his neck didn’t have the energy to support it.
As if in a trance, Tim clumsily shut the door behind him, buying time in case Alex was anywhere still nearby. He froze for a moment before he staggered his way over to Jay, his knees buckling next to him.
Blood stained the ground and Jay’s shirt, and Tim tried not to focus on how much blood he was still losing.
“Jay?” Tim asked quietly, afraid he wouldn’t get a response.
Jay lifted his head up slightly, a faint smile on his face at the sight of Tim.
“Tim.” He said it with such relief, as if the simple act of Tim being there would make everything okay.
“I’m here, I’m right here,” Tim said, taking Jay’s face in his hands and lifting it up slightly so he could look into Jay’s eyes. Where they were once bright and lively, they were now beginning to look dull.
Jay’s smile faded. “Tim… I- I’m sorry. I know why you hid that tape from me. I-” Jay cut himself off, his voice was barely above a whisper.
“I don’t care about that right now, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for. Don’t try to talk, just focus on me, okay?”
Removing one of his hands from Jay’s face, Tim pressed it over-top of Jay’s, putting more pressure on his side to try and stop the bleeding. Jay winced and tried to lean away from Tim.
“I know, I know it hurts, I’m sorry. God, I shouldn’t have left you alone...” Tim said, his voice shaking.
“I’m scared…” Jay said, as if he was ashamed to admit it.
“You’re gonna be okay. Everything is going to be fine, we’ll get you to a hospital, you’ll be okay,” Tim reassured, though he thought he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Jay. Tim could feel a wetness in his eyes that wasn’t there before.
No matter how much pressure Tim applied to the wound, he couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. He felt it seep through Jay’s shirt and both of their hands, the warm liquid coating his fingers.
When he looked up at Jay’s face again, his eyes had drifted somewhere behind Tim’s shoulder, looking at nothing before he spoke again.
“Tim… I-” He coughed weakly, blood running past his lips and down his chin. He was losing him.
“No, no, no, no, no, look at me, Jay. Stay with me!” Tim almost shouted, removing his shaking hand from Jay’s side and placing it on his face again, forcing the other to look at him. Tim could feel Jay’s breathing grow more and more shallow, and his eyes were half-lidded and unfocused.
Jay whispered something that Tim couldn’t hear before his eyes fluttered closed and his head went completely limp and heavy in Tim’s hands.
Tim felt as if the entire world around him froze as he sat there cradling Jay’s face as of he would break. He felt his ears ring.
“No. Jay, no… please. Open your eyes.” His voiced cracked with emotion as he jostled Jay’s head slightly. When Jay didn’t react, he moved his hands to his shoulders, shaking him harder. Jay’s head lolled to the side, and then didn’t move any more.
“Wake up… Please wake up…”
Tim placed a hand to Jay’s neck, smearing blood there as he did so. Tim stifled a sob when he felt nothing. He slid his hands down to Jay’s chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt, and cried into his chest. Begging, pleading, for Jay to wake up, to keep breathing, to say something, to move, to do anything. Jay remained still below him.
Tears still streaming down his face, Tim went to cup Jay’s face in his hands again, hesitating when he saw the blood he had streaked across Jay’s cheek. Jay’s face was slack and all the color had been completely drained from it.
He held him gently, silently begging for something to happen. For Jay to miraculously wake up. But of course he would never be that lucky.
Tim pulled Jay’s body into his arms, holding him close and cradling his head to his chest. Jay’s arms remained limp and useless at his sides.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… Don’t go. Don’t leave me,” he whispered.
“I shouldn’t have left you alone. I shouldn’t have hid the tape from you. I’m so, so, sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I never wanted this to happen...” he said through sobs, unable to keep them at bay anymore.
“I’m sorry” wasn’t what he had wanted to say. He had so many things he had wanted to tell Jay, so many things he would never get to say. So many conversations they still needed to have. He’d never know what Jay had said to him in his last moments.
He never even got to apologize. For lying, for punching him, for distrusting him, for bringing this all into all of their lives. For not appreciating the time they had together more. For not forcing Jay to listen to him when he’d first found out about the hidden tape. For even hiding the tape in the first place. For everything.
This was all his fault.