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“Oh and I also have that Biohazard I haven't completed yet. Maybe we could play it… but maybe better not, because Asahi-san might get too scared and also Hinata told me once that– Tsukki, are you listening to me?”
“I am,” Kei replied right away, even though he knew very well that he wasn’t listening at all.
His mind was occupied with the thoughts about the photos Yamaguchi had in his room. They took up all the space on the wall right in front of the door and were now staring back at Kei like it was something downright offensive.
But the thing was, it wasn’t offensive. Some people (Yamaguchi) called it cute and lovely, but Kei would use some other, less flattering adjective, when he looked at the photo of himself in middle school in these embarrassingly-thick glasses and hair that was long overdue for a trim.
Or the photos from Yamaguchi’s “Polaroid Era”. When he finally got one and decided to take photos of everything. And by “everything” Kei meant mainly himself doing the most mundane things like drinking water or studying or just him standing on the sidewalk, waiting for a bus. He didn’t have to add that these were of rather poor quality.
But these photos weren't the worst.
Oh, no, no, no – far from it, actually.
The worst were the photos of them together.
Their trip to JuraWorld seven years ago. Nine year old Kei was inside a photo stand-in of a stegosaurus. He was having the time of his life next to the nine year old Yamaguchi who was pretending to be eaten by a triceratop. (As if triceratops were even carnivores.)
Or the photo of them together in an aquapark. Kei with a snorkelling mask on and Mickey Mouse armbands and Yamaguchi inside a frog swim ring. Losing both of his canines the day prior didn't stop him from flashing a full-grin at the camera.
And of course there were the photos Yamaguchi took right after they started dating.
There was:
A long strip from a photo booth showing them kissing in silly poses. They did it during Tanabata. Kei was in yukata only because Yamaguchi wanted them to match.
Another photo. They were kissing there, too. It had to be from their first Valentine's day, because the photo was inside a self-made, glittery heart-frame. Kei had similar one on his nightstand.
And the photo commemorating their first real date. Yamaguchi complained about Kei never using that specific word, so Kei asked him out for “Hanami Date”. They kissed right when the petals started falling.
There was a lot of kissing on that wall, Kei realized, frowning a little.
And he didn’t mind it before. Of course, he thought that was cringe, but since it made Yamaguchi all blushy and giggly… he could endure some embarrassment for the sake of his boyfriend’s happiness.
Or, so he thought.
Because, when he heard that almost everyone from Karasuno would come to Yamaguchi's two-bedroom apartment to take part in his sixteenth birthday party, the blood in Kei’s veins turned cold.
People were going to come and see the photo of his thirteen year old self, red as tomato, because Yamaguchi let him kiss his cheek and hold his hand for the first time in his life.
He would never live that down.
There was a hand in front of his eyes, waving to get his attention. “Hello? Earth to Tsukishima-san?”
“I told you to not call me that,” Kei replied, grabbing Yamaguchi’s wrist and showing the hand away.
Kei heard Yamaguchi’s short chuckle, before he moved on the bed and sat in front of him.
“But really, Tsukki,” he began and he had that curious gleam in his eyes that Kei hated so much, because that meant that Yamaguchi realized that something was up. “What is wrong with you today?”
And here it was.
“Are you mad at something?” Yamaguchi asked, tilting his head. There was a little pout, already forming on his lips. “You do seem mad.”
“I’m not mad,” Kei said, in accordance with the truth.
But Yamaguchi only whined. “Tsukki—!”
“I’m not mad, Yamaguchi.” Kei frowned, making his voice sound more firm.
And yet Yamaguchi didn’t look that convinced. That was the most exhausting thing about him, Kei decided a long time ago.
Because, when Yamaguchi would realize that something was up, he wouldn’t let it go by any cost. He’d dig and dig until he’d actually make Kei mad and force him to say what exactly was bothering him.
So now Kei was aware of his every move being studied carefully. He decided to use the safest option and busied himself with his glasses. He took them off, before wiping them with the hem of his sweater, and tried to be as nonchalant as possible, when he asked:
“Just, tell me again, how many people are going to come tomorrow?"
The question worked like the best distraction. Yamaguchi’s eyes moved from Kei’s face to the ceiling as he mused. “Uhh, let me count…”
“Daichi-san, Suga-san… Asahi-san will bring a shortcake… Shimizu-senpai will come with them… Noya-san has that thing with his grandpa, so he won’t come… but Tanaka-san texted me today and said he’ll come together with Ennoshita-san. Kinoshita-san and Narita-san don’t have transportation, so they aren’t able… Kageyama will come with Hinata, so he won't get lost. Oh, and Yachi-san.”
Yamaguchi turned back to Kei and grinned. “So, nine people total, Tsukki! Eleven with us. Isn't that great?!”
He smiled at Kei so brightly, Kei had to look away.
“Sure,” he muttered in response.
He should be happy for Yamaguchi. He knew it. It was the first birthday party where there would be more than three people total. Most of the time it was only Kei and Yamaguchi’s mother. Sometimes there was some random aunt of his or Akiteru, if he hadn’t had classes that day.
He knew how much it meant to Yamaguchi that there were people coming only for him. After all that business with bullying in elementary school and sometimes even in middle school…
Kei should be happy for Yamaguchi.
But he wasn’t.
All he could think was how much of a pain that party would be and wished for it to be already over.
Because, it wasn’t even his real birthday! He had it on Saturday, last week.
They went to Sendai, just the two of them, held hands in the Aquarium, got a coffee and turned a muffin into a birthday cake.
They came back to Yamaguchi's apartment, watched a movie and kissed until their lips became numb.
At the thought of kissing, Kei’s eyes again moved to the infamous wall.
His fourteen year old self was staring back at him smugly – he just received flowers from fourteen year old Yamaguchi. A bouquet of red roses brightened his pale complexion even more.
So, why Yamaguchi needed that entire ordeal, Kei couldn’t understand. Was it about the birthday presents? He thought that his present was enough. He had to import it from another continent, after all.
Kei realized too late that he was being too quiet for far too long. Yamaguchi was staring at him, his brows furrowed and lips twisted in a grimace.
“Can you actually tell me what is going on with you?” he asked, his voice showing that uncommon for him annoyance.
Kei knew that it was to no avail, but he still tried. “Nothing.”
The frown on Yamaguchi’s face deepened and Kei felt himself crumbling under the disapproving gaze of his boyfriend.
“All right, fine,” he sighed, giving in.
Not many things in life scared Kei, but angry Yamaguchi was definitely on the top of that list. Not that Kei would ever admit it out loud.
Yamaguchi shifted on the bed, the frown on his face gave way for the pure look of curiosity.
Kei also shifted, but only because he was so uncomfortable. He folded his arms, cleared his throat and stared daggers at the photos on the wall.
“When they come to your room, they will see this.” he explained and made Yamaguchi follow his gaze.
He turned back and asked, genuinely confused. “And what’s wrong with that? They know we’re dating.”
He moved closer to Kei and said in that voice that always made Kei feel like an idiot. “That we’ve been dating since middle school, Tsukki.”
“That’s different.” Kei scowled. “And this is just embarrassing.”
He regretted the choice of his words the moment it left his mouth, because, at once, Yamaguchi’s eyes widened and he looked as if Kei had punched him.
“Embarrassing?” he repeated and didn’t let Kei correct himself. “So, am I embarrassing to you? Is our relationship embarrassing to you, Tsukki?”
Kei winced at how Yamaguchi said his name. Sarcasm and coldness never suited him. And never would, Kei was sure of it.
“I didn’t say that,” he tried to argue, his own voice getting lower.
But Yamaguchi only scoffed. “You’re implying that.”
“I’m not.” Kei almost growled.
He stopped himself. He didn’t want to fight with Yamaguchi. They didn’t fight often, but it was always a headache when they did.
Kei sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Listen, we both agreed that we don’t do PDA–”
“But it’s not PDA, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi interrupted him in a raised voice. He got off the bed and gesticulated around. “It’s my home!”
Kei stared at him, not really sure of what to say to make him see his point.
After a moment of tense silence and even more tense stare down, Yamaguchi huffed and turned on his heel.
He walked to the photos and said, “Fine! I’ll take it off if it’s bothering you so much!”
Kei watched as Yamaguchi grabbed one of the photos. It was held in place with a piece of adhesive tape. He didn’t bother to take it off first, so when he tried to take the photo off, it ripped and half of the grinning Yamaguchi was left behind on the wall.
Suddenly, Kei felt fear.
“Wait, no!” he exclaimed, getting off the bed.
He grabbed Yamaguchi’s wrist and said, “Don’t take it off, Yamaguchi. Please, don’t.”
Yamaguchi stared at him, his eyes wide with confusion.
“I don’t understand you, Kei,” he said, dumbfounded. “You contradict yourself.”
Kei knew that Yamaguchi was right. He didn’t understand himself, either. He wanted the photos gone and yet he wanted nothing more than to fix the destroyed photo that was now lying on the floor.
When he made sure that Yamaguchi wasn’t going to destroy more of the photos, Kei let his hand go and he crouched to pick it up from the floor.
It was one of the freshest photos they took, Kei realized. It was from Summer, when Yamaguchi joined his family during the holidays. The sea behind them was ripped in half and Kei was looking at nothing instead of Yamaguchi.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Kei said, involuntarily stroking the edge of the destroyed photo.
Yamaguchi had his back turned to Kei and his arms crossed on his chest. He grunted, “Well, you did.”
Kei took a deep breath. “Tadashi–”
“No.” Yamaguchi turned to him at once. There was hurt in his eyes and Kei didn’t know how to fix it.
“No, Kei. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
There was, again, that choking silence.
Kei stood awkwardly behind Yamaguchi, his hands fumbling with the photo as he stared at Yamaguchi’s back, unsure what to do or say.
And that’s exactly why Kei hated when they fought.
With any other person, Kei wouldn’t give a second thought if what he had said wasn’t too harsh or wouldn’t wonder what to do to make it up for them.
But Yamaguchi was different.
Of course it was different with Yamaguchi. He was the love of his life, not some random person he didn’t give a shit about and could insult all he wanted.
Kei heard Yamaguchi sighing, before he broke the silence.
“You know what, if you’re so embarrassed, then you don’t have to come tomorrow.”
Kei’s hands stilled as he felt something cold spilling inside his chest. “Wait–”
“I mean it,” Yamaguchi glanced at him, his eyes nothing but cold. “Come back when you make up your mind, Kei.”
And that was it.
Kei waited, but Yamaguchi refused to say anything more.
He placed the photo on the bed, then moved to take his bag. He glanced one last time at Yamaguchi's back, before leaving the room.
Damn headache.
“Are we waiting for Tsukishima?” Daichi-san asked and Tadashi felt himself wincing.
“No, Kei won't come,” he said, trying to appear busy with the party hat that he had on his head.
But it gave him little to nothing, because, suddenly, everyone fell mute and the atmosphere became so dense that it could be cut with a blade.
“...Tsukishima won't come to his boyfriend’s birthday party?” Asahi-san asked, very carefully and very confused.
Tadashi glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It was twenty minutes after three. The party had started exactly at three o’clock.
Tsukki was never late.
“I guess he won't,” he replied in a low voice.
“You should dump him,” Kageyama said, a mouthful of the strawberry shortcake Asahi-san had brought.
Yachi-san turned to him at once. “Kageyama-kun, don’t say it like that!”
But Kageyama only shrugged. “I mean what I said.”
“You should be more angry, Yamaguchi!” Hinata exclaimed from his place on the bed, almost knocking out Kageyama’s plate out of his hands.
“I’m angry for you!”
“It's really not that big of a deal.” Tadashi tried to calm down his friends. “We had already celebrated my birthday. We even went to Sendai!”
“But you're having a party. Like, right now.” Ennoshita-san pointed out, unimpressed by the fact that 'they even went to Sendai'.
“Should I give him a piece of my mind, Yamaguchi?” Daichi-san asked, shifting closer to him, as if he already wasn’t too close.
It was a challenge to fit nine people in his rather small room, Tadashi had to admit it. But it wasn’t impossible. Most of them just had to sit on the floor.
“It's really fine Daichi-san!” he squeaked, before bowing. “But thank you!”
“But if you change your mind…” Suga-san began, a sinister expression on his face.
“I’ll beat his tall ass!” Tanaka-san exclaimed while cracking his knuckles.
“It's really unnecessary,” Tadashi sighed.
He really didn’t want to turn his friends against Tsukki. Yeah, sure, he was sad that Tsukki didn’t come to his party, but well, he did give him a choice.
“Tsukki is a good boyfriend. We just had a fight.”
Tadashi tried to chuckle, but it was a rather depressing sound. “Not for the first time and I don’t think for the last time, either. ”
He hoped that it would be enough for his friends to drop the subject, but somehow they looked even more concerned.
Hinata exchanged glances with Kageyama and then began, “I don’t know, Yamaguchi. Him fighting you right before your birthday…”
And to everyone's surprise Shimizu-senpai was the one who finished the sentence. “It's really shitty behaviour from someone who claims that they love you.”
Tadashi wanted to say something. He wanted to defend Tsukki somehow.
But he couldn’t.
He knew deep down that it was shitty behavior from his boyfriend. He was having a birthday party. A real birthday party, for the first time in his life. People changed their plans for the weekend only to come and wish him Happy Birthday.
And yet Tsukki, who claimed that he loved him, couldn’t come because he was too embarrassed by the thought of people seeing them kissing in the photos.
It made Tadashi wonder if Tsukki really loved him. And the thought made him want to cry.
Well, he did cry.
Immediately after Tsukki had left yesterday and later that evening, after Tsukki had sent him a "Goodnight" message. Tadashi was still angry at him, so he didn’t respond. It made him feel guilty later, so he also cried because of that.
He wanted to cry in the morning, too, when he was cleaning and found the torn photo.
But he promised himself to not cry! He wanted to be happy, it was his birthday, after all.
Well, not really, but it counted as his birthday.
“Why did you two fight, anyway?” he heard Suga-san ask.
“Suga!” Daichi-san hissed. “You’re being nosy.”
Suga-san only frowned at him.
“We're all friends here. Right?” he asked and when everyone replied in some form of Sure! Suga-san smirked at the captain. “See, Daichi?”
“Yamaguchi, you can vent all you want,” Hinata said and Kageyama started nodding eagerly to back him up.
There was a hand on his shoulder and Yachi-san assured him in a gentle voice. “If you want, of course.”
“No pressure.” Asahi-san patted his back.
“Thank you all,” Tadashi said, feeling as if he was about to cry.
But not from sadness – from happiness.
When he was younger he used to wish to have friends who would have his back. Then, he got Tsukki and their relationship was enough for Tadashi… well, for the most part.
Tadashi was grateful for his boyfriend, of course he was, he loved him so so so so so much, but sometimes he found himself wishing for someone who would listen to him complaining about Tsukki after they fought or something like that.
Often that person was his own mom, but he couldn’t tell her everything.
And now, Tadashi realized, he had in his room people who not only willingly came to spend time with him but also wanted to listen to his whining.
Tadashi thought that he really had it all. He only wished Tsukki was there with him.
“We fought about the photos.” he said, finally.
“What photos?” Tanaka-san frowned.
Tadashi turned around to point at the photos. “These on the wall.”
There was a long moment where his guests were studying the photos in silence, as if they were in a museum, looking at some valuable paintings.
Which made Tadashi feel proud. He loved these photos. For him, they were more valuable than some masterpieces in a museum. If a fire broke out in his apartment, he would probably save them first.
“What’s wrong with them?” Asahi-san asked hesitantly, as if everyone knew it but him.
“Tsukki said that these are embarrassing,” Tadashi explained, scowling a little. “He didn’t want anyone to look at it.”
“It isn’t embarrassing! It’s cute!” Yachi-san assured firmly.
“Tsukishima should be grateful that someone would willingly put his photo on their wall.” Tanaka-san scoffed.
“Exactly!” Hinata agreed with him. “I wouldn’t even if he'd pay me to.”
“Same,” Kageyama nodded.
Tadashi knew he should defend Tsukki… but… well… it did feel good when people agreed with him that Tsukki was the one being wrong. Especially when he was so rarely wrong.
“Wait, so that’s it?” Suga-san looked disappointed. “And because of that he refuses to come?”
“I mean… Tsukki has rules about relationships,” Tadashi began, once again moving the party hat on his head. “And he’d rather stick to them.”
“What kind of rules?” Daichi-san squinted, his own party hat crooked.
“No PDA is the main one,” Tadashi mused while counting on his fingers. “And that I shouldn’t discuss our relationship with other people.”
He paused. “I guess I’m breaking it right now, huh.”
“These are some dumb rules,” Tanaka-san scowled.
“And that’s not PDA,” Ennoshita-san noticed. “These are just photos.”
“Yeah,” Tadashi sighed, turning to look at the young Tsukki.
He was so happy when Tadashi got him these flowers.
“Just photos…”
Photos Tadashi loved dearly. Photos he had been taking since they were eight. Photos that showed Tadashi’s happiest memories. Photos Tsukki apparently hated.
Tadashi felt his lower lip trembling.
“Yamaguchi-kun,” Yachi-san was the first one to try and console him.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” Tadashi rubbed his eyes to prevent them from leaking. “I didn’t want to spoil the mood.”
“Come on, Yamaguchi. It’s your birthday,” Daichi-san leaned over and put his hand on Tadashi’s shoulder. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Even cry.” Suga-san smiled.
“You know, I did cry on my birthday.” Asahi-san remarked, looking as if he was relieving some old memory from his past.
Suga-san snickered in response. “Asahi, who didn’t cry on their birthday?”
“You can cry, Yamaguchi,” Kageyama encouraged him.
“I’ll cry with you!” Yachi-san added, tears already forming in her eyes.
“That’s it,” Tanaka-san interrupted. He pulled out his flip phone and announced: “I’m calling Tsukishima.”
“What?” Tadashi froze, his eyes wide from panic. “Tanaka-san maybe better not–”
“Don’t worry, I just want to have a little chat with him.” Tanaka-san grinned at him, but it wasn’t a reassuring grin. “Who has his number?”
“I’ll give you his number, Tanaka-san.” Hinata offered right away.
He turned on his own flip phone and began: “22-7…”
And Tanaka-san nodded, while entering numbers. “Yeah, yeah...”
“Wait!” Tadashi whined, but nobody seemed to listen to him.
“I want to talk to him next!” Suga-san jumped off the bed and hurried over to Tanaka-san.
But Daichi-san shoved him away. “There is a line!”
“Hey! It’s my phone!” Tanaka-san argued.
“I’m the one who gave you his phone number, Tanaka-san!” Hinata shouted.
Tadashi watched the scene in front of him with a fright growing inside him.
He was terrified of what was going to happen if Tsukki would pick up and realize that Tadashi was bad-mouthing him in front of their friends and senpais.
He would maybe even break up with him because of that.
Oh no.
“No! Everyone, wait!” Tadashi cried, moving to stop Tanaka-san, but he already had the phone next to his ear.
However, everyone froze when the doorbell suddenly rang.
Tadashi immediately got on his feet and ran to the door.
At the sight of who was standing on his doormat, he felt relief so strong, it almost knocked him down.
“Tsukki?” he asked, when he saw his boyfriend frowning at the incoming call on his phone.
Luckily, he declined it and turned his entire attention to Tadashi.
“Sorry, the train got delayed,” he explained, while placing a kiss on Tadashi’s forehead.
“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Tadashi muttered sadly, at the same time holding the door open for Tsukki to come inside.
“You know, after yesterday…”
But Tsukki only looked at him as if he was stupid.
“Why wouldn’t I come to my own boyfriend’s birthday party?”
Tadashi felt his cheeks burning from shame. He assumed Tsukki wouldn’t come, just like that.
Of course Tsukki would come, he loved him. Tadashi felt bad for doubting him in the first place.
“Here, for you.” Tsukki presented him with a bouquet made of the colorful flowers.
Tadashi took it from him, but still argued. “You gave me my present already.”
Tsukki fixed him with a look. “Please, how would it look if I came empty-handed?”
“Right,” Tadashi chuckled.
He stared down at the bouquet. He noticed tulips: pink and white; and also lily of the valley. Everything was wrapped up in beige paper and tied with a green ribbon. Tsukki had to get it from a florist. So, he must’ve gone to the city and paid for it.
All of it only for Tadashi.
He got on his toes and kissed Tsukki’s cheek. “Thank you, it’s so pretty."
Tadashi grinned at his boyfriend. “Should I check their meanings?”
And the grin on his face only widened when he saw Tsukki blushing in response.
“Better not,” he replied, already making his way to Tadashi’s room.
All nine heads disappeared from the doorway the moment he turned the corner.
At once he was met with “Tsukishima, nice to see you!” “We’re glad you finally decided to join us!” “How was the train?” and Tsukki only sighed and muttered some greetings back, before squeezing to sit next to Tadashi under the photo wall.
He glared at the party hat that Hinata gave him for exactly eight seconds, before uttering a very pained sigh and putting it on his head.
Luckily, he noticed the strawberry shortcake Asahi-san brought with him and after taking a piece he became a lot more approachable.
Tadashi prayed for no one to start the subject about the photos, yet this time his prayers were not answered. Karma, he guessed. He shouldn’t have said anything about their fight in the first place.
Tanaka-san hummed, looking around the room as if he was sight-seeing. “That’s a lot of photos on that wall.”
He must’ve hoped for some strong reaction from Tsukki, but all he got in response was his usual calm and collected self.
“Yamaguchi has been taking them since the year we met,” he explained matter-of-factly, while eating his cake.
“That’s really impressive.” Suga-san mused in response.
Tadashi squirmed in his place – he had no idea what to do. He didn’t want them discussing the photos after what Tsukki had said about them when they fought. Tadashi didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He wished he just took them off completely.
But then Daichi-san asked, “How old are they, then?” and Tsukki replied, something like pride hearable in his voice, “The oldest are eight years old.”
Everyone’s eyes widened from the surprise, after hearing that.
Right, they told them that they had been dating since middle school. They had no idea they knew each other for almost a decade. Tadashi also couldn’t believe it sometimes.
“They’re almost the same age as my sister!” Hinata squawked in disbelief. “That’s so cool!”
Tanaka-san snickered. “How did you put up with him for so long, Yamaguchi? I would gone crazy, for sure.”
“Tanaka-san!” Tadashi gasped.
He right away turned to Tsukki, with some words of reassurance already on his tongue, but then he saw Tsukki’s slight smirk.
“It’s because he has the patience of a saint,” he replied and Tadashi was lost for words.
He met Tsukki’s gaze and he looked at him in such a way that Tadashi flushed. He felt like they were breaking both of the rules set by Tsukki himself, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.
So strange, Tadashi thought. What exactly happened to Tsukki after their argument?
“So,” Daichi-san began, eyeing the wall. “I guess all you miss there is a wedding photo, then.”
Tadashi felt hot, yet he froze immediately when Tsukki uttered a single “No”.
He stared at him with alarmed eyes, but Tsukki only smiled in response.
“It will have its own wall.”
Later that day, when it was finally the time to bring the birthday cake and blow out the candles, everyone gathered around the dining table in Tadashi’s kitchen.
Tsukki stood next to him, tall and gorgeous, with the party hat on.
He lit up the candles and the sparkler for Tadashi, but when he was about to blow them out, Tsukki interrupted him with a hurried “Wait.”
He pulled out his phone and raised an eyebrow.
“I thought you would want to take a photo.”
“I do!” Tadashi shouted, delighted.
Tsukki gave his phone to someone he would trust the most with it (Daichi-san) and watched as Tadashi fumbled with making a wish – he had no idea what he should wish for, because he felt as if he had everything at this point.
He thought about the wedding photo Daichi-san mentioned.
Tadashi found the perfect wish.
And when the candles were eventually put out and everyone celebrated, Tadashi couldn’t help but smile so hard that his entire face was hurting. He felt like crying. And he might have started if he didn't hear Tsukki's voice calling him.
“Tadashi.”
And when he turned and looked at his boyfriend, all Tadashi wanted was to kiss him.
But he stopped himself, because they were in front of everyone and that was enough since Tsukki—
Tsukki leaned down and locked their lips together.
The next photo that appeared on Tadashi’s wall was from his sixteenth birthday party.
There were his friends from Karasuno and he was standing over his birthday cake, the candles were blown out, but the sparkler was still going, lighting up the entire kitchen.
And he was being kissed by Tsukki.
When Tadashi stared at the photo, he decided that it was definitely his favorite.
Well, maybe until they’d get the wedding photo taken.