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... The dog
wants to trust, you can see it
in her eyes, like that part in the music
where it still sounds like snow
used to. There were orchards, still;
meadows. She’ll never be free.- Carl Phillips, selection from "That Part in the Music"
Gao Tu is shaking when he stumbles into the restaurant restroom. He's lucky it's empty, but honestly he doesn't really care. He just needs to get away.
Ten million.
His father's crass, matter-of-fact voice echoes in his head, making Gao Tu feel more and more sick with each repetition.
He fumbles with his phone, trembling fingers eventually managing to pull up his sisters contact and start the call. A-Qing's voice comes through almost immediately.
"Ge?"
"Meimei," Gao Tu says in a rush of relieved breath. "We're leaving. Now. Pack what you can. I—"
Gao Tu's voice gets caught in his throat when he hears the bathroom door slam open, a scent that haunts his dreams following a second later. Iris.
Before he can say anything else, Shen Wenlang crosses the idistance between them and snatches the phone out of his hand, deftly ending the call and tossing it to the side.
"You're not leaving," Shen Wenlang says sharply.
Gao Tu wonders if the bathroom walls really are pressing closer or if it's just a side effect of the panic welling under his skin.
"You have no say in where I go," Gao Tu says, just as sharp. Panic or not, he won't let Shen Wenlang bully him. Not this time. Not when it really matters.
A low growl comes from the alpha, whose oppressive pheromones start to seep into the small room, tangling with the smell of Gao Tu's own stress.
"Control yourself," Gao Tu snaps. "You have no right to come in here and try to command me."
"You're pregnant," Shen Wenlang says instead of a proper response. "With my baby."
"No," Gao Tu denies instantly, rage starting to eat the panic. "With my baby. I don't want anything from you but for you to leave me alone."
His instincts start to stir, something violent and old writhing in his gut, but he doesn't have long to think about it before Shen Wenlang, jaw tight, reaches out as if to grab him.
The sudden snarl that tears out of Gao Tu's throat as he steps back is so vicious it hurts to make, but the omega ignores the pain and bares his teeth, one hand curled protectively around his stomach and the other hovering, ready to do whatever it takes to protect his child.
"There is no amount of money you can throw at me to make me give him up," he hisses, a growl hovering beneath every word. "And trust me, Shen Wenlang, when I say I will fucking kill you before I let you hurt my baby."
The room is being flooded with more of Gao Tu's distressed pheromones by the second, but they don't seem to be enough to deter the alpha in front of him.
Shen Wenlang takes a step forward. Gao Tu takes a step back. The pair advance and retreat, step by step, until Gao Tu's back hits the cold tiled wall of the restaurant restroom. He keeps his eyes locked on Shen Wenlang, refusing to look away from the threat for even a moment and hoping the alpha can see the dangerous desperation in his eyes.
"Stay away from me," Gao Tu snarls.
With an unreadable expression, Shen Wenlang just watches Gao Tu for a moment before slowly, deliberately, taking another step forward.
Gao Tu doesn't hesitate.
He swipes his hand at Shen Wenlang's face with all his might, feeling a flash of victory when his nails connect, raking across the man's skin hard enough to draw both blood and a sharp curse.
Taking advantage of Shen Wenlang's surprise, Gao Tu tries to bolt around him to the door.
He doesn't make it very far.
Surprised or not, Shen Wenlang is an S-class alpha. He won't be subdued that easily.
The alpha's hand locks around Gao Tu's bicep, stopping his escape attempt in its tracks. Gao Tu claws at the hand holding him fast, but Shen Wenlang doesn't even flinch as he spins Gao Tu around and pulls him against his chest, trapping his arms between them with relentless pressure. Gao Tu tries to kick at the alpha's shins, but Shen Wenlang only holds him tighter.
"Gao Tu," Shen Wenlang says, low and dangerous. "Enough."
"No," Gao Tu says defiantly, struggling to breathe through Shen Wenlang's crushing grip. "I won't let you do this. I will never—"
His voice is silenced by a threatening growl that cuts right to the heart of his instincts. Every fiber of his body is begging him to submit, to expose his neck to the furious alpha in front of him, but Gao Tu grits his teeth and shoves the desire out of his mind. He's lived as a beta for most of his life. He refuses to cave to omega instincts right when it matters most.
"Let me go," he hisses. "If you want to kill him, you'll have to kill me first!"
Shen Wenlang goes still, even his breath stopping for a moment. When he speaks, it's in a tone Gao Tu has never heard before. If he didn't know better, he'd call it awe.
"…him?"
That single inquizitive word knocks Gao Tu completely off balance. Why would Wenlang care what gender the baby is?
Maybe—just maybe—the alpha is feeling some sort of instinctual interest. Hope jumps to Gao Tu's throat. Wenlang will shake the instinct off eventually, of course, but he might be able to use this to convince to alpha to let him go.
"The doctors haven't—they don't know the gender yet, but I know," Gao Tu says haltingly, easing his struggles. "I know he's a boy. I even have a name picked out."
Shen Wenlang swallows. "What name?" he asks, almost whispering.
Gao Tu fights against the instinct to not tell Wenlang anything about his baby. He has to do this. Wenlang isn't heartless.
"…Lele," Gao Tu says eventually, unable to stop the way his voice goes soft. "His name is Lele. Gao Lele."
The alpha is quiet for what feels like an eternity.
"Shen Lele."
Gao Tu starts, able to fight just enough of Wenlang's grip to look at the alpha's face in shock.
"What?"
Wenlang stares down at him with dark, hungry eyes, sending a shiver down Gao Tu's spine. The memory of that night at X Hotel flashes in his mind.
"If I let you go," Wenlang says slowly, "will you try to run?"
It's a stupid question. If Gao Tu was planning on running, he certainly wouldn't tell Wenlang that.
"No," he says.
Wenlang inspects his expression for a moment before gradually loosening his grip, hands sliding from around Gao Tu's shoulders to rest on his waist, allowing Gao Tu to put at least a little bit of space between them.
The alpha doesn't let go completely. Gao Tu supposes he should have expected that.
"Shen Lele," Wenlang repeats.
Gao Tu's body twitches at the name just like it had the first time, like he can't help but be shocked by the sound of it.
"Why are you saying that?" he asks with a hint of desperation.
"Because that will be his name," Wenlang says, complete certainty in his voice. "Not Gao Lele. Shen. Shen Lele." His grip on Gao Tu's waist tightens until it's almost bruising. "You're mine," he declares, "and he will be, too."
Gao Tu's heart stops dead. This isn't—this doesn't make sense. Wenlang isn't following the script at all.
"I don't understand," he says weakly.
Wenlang tilts his head. "You want to keep the baby, don't you?" he says, a threat threading through his pheromones.
Gao Tu sucks in a sharp breath, one hand darting to his stomach. "Yes," he says resolutely.
"Then you'll both be mine," Wenlang says, gaze burning into Gao Tu with the sharp intelligence Gao Tu is used to only seeing during business negotiations. "Did you forget that I run a biomedical company, Gao Tu? I know how dangerous unbonded pregnancies are without the alpha present, not to mention whatever state your body is in after years of suppressant abuse."
When Gao Tu tries to duck his head and avoid Wenlang's intensity, a hand snaps up to grip Gao Tu's jaw hard enough to keep his head in place, unable to look away.
"Trying to have that baby without me would almost certainly kill you," Wenlang snarls. "Do you really think I would ever let you go knowing that? No." His voice leaves no room for argument. "If you want that child, you will be mine. Completely. No more running away, no more lies."
Gao Tu's head is spinning, a mess of adrenaline, confusion, and fear.
"Why would you even want that? You hate omegas. You hate me," he manages to ask, eyes darting between Wenlang's as if he can find the answer somewhere in their possessive depths.
Something pained flicks across Wenlang's expression, and for a second his grip softens.
"I—" Wenlang starts before stopping, looking conflicted. "I don't know what I think anymore," he admits. "I did hate omegas, but you… you've ruined it! You're not trying to trap me. You're running away. Practically killing yourself to avoid me. Can't I provide for you? Shouldn't you want me? It doesn't make sense!" Frustration snaps at the heels of every word until he closes his eyes and takes a forced breath, clearly wrestling with the ability to stay calm.
"All I know," he continues after a moment, "is that I can't stand the thought of living without you."
Gao Tu tries to speak, to do anything, but all he can do is stare at Wenlang in shock.
Wenlang's throat bobs as he swallows, his hands flexing around Gao Tu's waist.
"Come home with me."
The alpha's voice is hesitant. It's obvious that Wenlang doesn't know what he's doing any more than Gao Tu does, but still… it isn't a question.
"You can't just decide to keep me—" Gao Tu starts to protest.
"Gao Tu, please."
The sheer desperation in Wenlang's voice cuts straight through all of Gao Tu's resistance with ruthless efficiency. He can't remember the last time he heard Wenlang say please—frankly, he's not sure if the alpha ever has.
"I won't let you hurt him," Gao Tu warns, a final play at resistance despite the fact they both know he's lost.
"If you're with me, nothing in this world will stop him from being safe and cared for," Wenlang swears.
Gao Tu takes a shaky breath. "I… I won't let you hurt me either. Not anymore."
Wenlang twitches as though swallowing a flinch. "…I know," he says eventually. "I can't promise that I won't make mistakes. I'm angry, A-Tu." The gentleness held in old nickname makes Gao Tu's heart clench. "You lied to me the entire time you knew me. You were going to leave me. I'm not sure I can forgive that yet. But… I know I've done worse," he admits quietly.
The confession is even more shocking than the plea. Gao Tu holds his breath.
"If you can stand to look at me after all I've done," Wenlang says, "then I can be better. I will be better. For the both of you."
The logical corner of Gao Tu's mind knows this is a mistake. Ten years of verbal abuse and a lifetime of bigoted views don't go away after a single heartfelt conversation. Staying with Shen Wenlang will hurt.
But so will letting him go.
With that thought, the fight drains out of Gao Tu's body, and he finally slumps into Wenlang's grip, his head dropping to the alpha's chest, silent tears starting to fall as he trembles. Wenlang doesn't waste a moment, immediately gathering Gao Tu close, wrapping him in warmth and the weight of soothing pheromones.
"I'm so tired," Gao Tu says, voice wet and hitching.
"I know," Wenlang murmurs, lips pressing to the top of Gao Tu's head.
"It hurts."
The words feel childish, but Gao Tu doesn't know how else to describe what his life has been like for as long as he can remember.
"I'm sorry, A-Tu, but we can fix it. We can make it better," Wenlang promises. "Just stay. Stay, and I'll never let anything hurt you again."
He doesn't know how long he clings to Wenlang after that, shaking with sobs, before he wrestles back enough of his composure to speak again.
"…A-Lang?"
"Hm?"
"Take me home."