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“Jayce! Over here!”
Jayce was still panting when he reached Viktor. His friend was waiting for him at the bleachers, holding up a bottle of water for him.
“That last play… You really outdid yourself there.” Viktor said, a warm smile on his pale face.
"Thanks, Vik," Jayce sat next to him, completely spent after the game. His shoulder pad grazed gently on Viktor’s white shirt. “Sorry,” he said, moving a bit away from him. “Don’t want to get you dirty.”
Viktor laughed and rested his head on the shoulder pad anyways. Jayce, a bit sad because he had to leave him, let out a sigh. Everyone at the field was looking at them - at Jayce, waiting for him to come down, so he could celebrate with his teammates. The truth was, he only wanted to celebrate with Viktor.
“Just go,” Viktor said, but his head was still resting on Jayce’s shoulder, his brown hair smoothly spread over the dirty uniform. “You’re the star tonight. They’re waiting.”
Without thinking too much, Jayce let a small kiss on the top of Viktor’s head and went down the bleachers, passing by people who greeted him cheerfully.
With gentle and not-too-gentle pats on his head and shoulders, his friends and teammates celebrate with him. “Talis! Talis!” they screamed. Viktor was right: Jayce was the star. He knew it, but he didn’t like it that much. It was okay, as long as Viktor saw him.
Viktor was never down the field. He said he didn’t like his cane getting stuck in the mud, so he always waited at the bleachers. So Jayce waited what was considered a normal amount of time—barely ten minutes—before going back to him. Or at least, he tried to. Someone bumped into him when he was trying to go up the bleachers again.
“Looking for your boyfriend?” Vi said with a knowing-all smile. She seemed like she had gone to war during the game. Her makeup was all over her face, her shirt dirty with beer. “You played so fucking good tonight, golden boy! Cait almost pisses her pants.”
“Did she?” Jayce laughed a bit. Caitlyn was a fanatic, but she never lost her temper at a game.
“I certainly did not,” Caitlyn said, appearing next to Vi. She looked well put. It was almost comical the difference between them. “If I recall, it was you who said you were going to piss your pants if Jayce did something extraordinary to end the game.”
“Well, I didn’t say extraordinary,” Vi laughed, her ears a bit red. “Anyways, help me convince this idiot that he doesn’t have to chase after Viktor every fucking game. He came to see you. He should be the one chasing—”
“I do chase after him sometimes,” Viktor said behind her, his voice gentle, coming down to greet them. His eyes were on Jayce for a moment, shining almost like he knew a secret Jayce didn’t. “What is wrong with Jayce being a chaser, by the way? I can’t run as fast as him anyways” he said, laughing it off, as he put most of his weight on his cane.
Jayce looked at him closely, wondering if it was a good leg day or a bad leg day. Good or not, he wanted to carry him on his shoulders and take him home.
“I bet you actually can outrun Jayce,” Vi said, looking smug. This motherfucker, Jayce thought. “Because it’s you, Vik. He would let you win any time.”
“Okay, I think Powder is calling you over there.” Jayce said with his ears a pretty shade of red, pushing Caitlyn as a signal for them to leave. He knew Caitlyn would take the hint and drag Vi away. “Go. Stop messing with him.”
His attention came back to Viktor when they left.
“I like them,” Viktor said.
“I do, too, but Vi can be too much.”
Viktor made an uncompromised noise. “Are you going to stay for the celebration?” he finally asked.
“Nah, I’m good. I want to rest.” It was a lie. Jayce didn’t want to rest. He just wanted to spend some time with Viktor.
“Let’s go then.”
They walked side by side back to the university rooms. People were laughing and drinking around the campus. It was a day of celebration, their team won, and every single thing was an excuse to drink. Jayce wondered if Vi and Cait were going to some party. Jayce knew not going to the main celebration tonight would cost him days of his teammates on his ass. He didn't care. He wanted to stay with Viktor.
“When I first met you, I thought you were a party boy, some jock.” Viktor said as they approached their shared room.
“I’m not. I don’t like parties.”
“You look like you do. No offense.”
“None taken.”
“But maybe you should have gone…” Viktor was struggling with the keys. “You are the star of the team. The golden boy.”
“I don’t care, Vik. I’m not going to do this professionally. It’s just a funny sport I happen to be good at.”
They got inside their room. Their beds were on opposite sides of the room. Viktor flopped in his bed. “You are lucky you’re good at something, at least.”
Jayce scoffed as he sat next to him in Viktor's bed, of course. He stared at his friend. “You are good at things too, Vik.”
“I… don't know. I don’t feel like it's enough…”
“You’re good at science. You’ve always been.”
Viktor let out a small sigh. “What if I’m not meant to be a scientist?”
“Are you kidding me?” Jayce let his head fall on Viktor’s shoulder this time. “You are meant to be. There is nothing you would be better suited for. I can’t imagine you… well, you could be something else, I guess.”
“Like what?” Viktor sounded curious now.
Jayce smiled playfully at him. “A pornstar, maybe. When you had long hair and blonde bangs, you looked like one.”
“I swear one day I’ll finally kill you, Talis.”
With a chuckle, Jayce let his head fall on Viktor’s lap. He didn't care if he was being too physical that night. He actually didn't care about anything at all now. He wanted to be close to Viktor. Sometimes nothing felt enough. He wanted even more. He didn't know how to ask.
“I know you are having doubts. But… you’re the happiest man alive when you get something right. I see it, everyone does. Let yourself keep doing this, exploring things even when sometimes they get frustrating.”
Viktor caressed his hair softly, as Jayce closed his eyes. “I have something in my lap that frustrates me even more than my career. And it's not a cat.”
“You love me,” he joked.
The silence following his state made him feel anxious. He stood up and looked at Viktor with a hurt look. Viktor's face was unreadable.
“You… love me, right?”
Viktor frowned. “Of course I love you. Are you stupid?”
Jayce made a pout and brought Viktor towards his chest. The size difference was almost comical.
“I’m not stupid.. I’m just an insecure jock.”
“Jocks aren’t insecure.” Viktor said, his voice muffled against Jayce's chest. “I can't breathe.”
“Come on.” Jayce let him go. He smiled at how red Viktor's ears were now. “Let's watch a movie?”
“Fine. I’ll choose the movie tonight.”
“But I won the game!”
*
Viktor was sitting alone at the cafeteria when a sudden noise startled him. As always, Powder was making her graceful entrances leaving her tray on the table.
“What’s up, wonder boy.” She sat next to him, as she made some strange signals to Ekko to come sit with them. “Heard Talis was really good at last night’s game. I wonder wheeeere he went after that, nobody saw him at the party.” Her eyes were almost piercing now. “Did you finally shag him?”
“Oh my god, Powder.” Viktor let his face fall on his hands. “Where did you even—”
“Everyone knows.” Powder smiled at him as if she knew everything. She looked exactly like Vi when she did that. “Stop this nonsense. You like him. He likes you. And you both act like it’s some complicated math scheme.”
“Because it is. He is my best friend. We are also roommates. What if we just mess it up?”
She just sighed, as if Viktor was an idiot. He felt like one. “You just need to be honest with each other. Everything will work out in the end.”
“I can’t.”
Ekko sat in front of them. His expression was curious. “Did you and Jayce—?”
“For god’s sake, I can’t believe this.” Viktor was about to start scratching the walls. “Remind me why I’m even sitting with you. I’m your senior. Pay me more respect.” He almost wished he was standing so he could intimidate them with his cane. He looked at it longingly.
“It really should be simple,” Powder insisted. “You guys get each other. You need to release all the tension. Is driving everyone around crazy!”
“Maybe you should keep your nose up your business, and then you wouldn’t be bothered about Jayce and I—”
“What are you guys talking about?” Jayce’s voice came from behind Viktor.
Powder made a face and looked away, starting to eat. Powder was not Jayce’s number one fan, but she knew Viktor liked him and he wanted to hook up as the good friend she was. Viktor liked her because she was always honest. And a bit of a brute.
Viktor looked at Jayce. He sat next to Ekko, still waiting for an answer, looking like an anxious pup. “They were wondering what we were doing yesterday after the game.”
“Oh! We watched this super cool movie. You guys need to watch it. I think you will like it the most, Ekko.”
With a sigh, Viktor went back to his food. He heard Jayce and Ekko talking about the movie, and Powder making some comments on it. He felt his heart thumping on his ears. Everything was fine. He could keep with his charade. It was completely fine. He didn’t want Jayce to kiss him and press him against the nearest wall and fuck him completely senseless.
Jayce probably didn’t even see him as someone fuckable. To Jayce, they were best friends, and Viktor didn’t want things to change. Jayce would probably get scared if he told him how he felt. Surely, he would try to understand, but he would be uncomfortable, and Viktor would feel like the worst friend in the world for ruining what they already had —which was perfect, by the way.
“You were awfully quiet the whole lunch.” Jayce said, as they were walking towards their classroom for their next assignment. “Did Powder say something…?”
“What? No, I’m fine. Just not in the mood.”
Jayce made a pout and Viktor didn’t even want to see. He focused on the rhythm his steps and cane made in his head. He needed to get Jayce out of his head.
“Did I say something?” Jayce insisted, keeping up with his pace easily.
“No! Please, Jayce. It’s alright. Don't worry too much.”
“It’s exactly my job as your best friend to worry too much.”
A voice came from the end of the corridor. “Talis! Where did you go last night? Man! We missed you!” Some of their classmates came to Jayce. Viktor kept walking. Step, step and cane, step, step and cane.
“Vik…?"
He heard Jayce, but he just needed a moment. They were going to be sitting next to each other the rest of the evening anyways.
*
Jayce was sitting next to Caitlyn when Vi passed far away from them. His friend spotted her girlfriend immediately, a big smile on her face.
“Gross.” Jayce said with a chuckle.
Caitlyn glared at him. “So we’re now pretending you’re not the same every time you look at Viktor?”
“What?” Jayce felt his face grow hot suddenly. “I’m not—”
“Cut the bullshit. You like him. Stop pretending like you don’t.”
“I don’t.”
Caitlyn just stared at him, her face saying it all. “Bull. Shit.”
“I don’t think your mother would be happy about you saying bullshit too many times—”
“Go one, Jayce. Change the subject. It's not going to change the fact that you're in love with Viktor. And that you also want to fuck him so bad, it’s making everyone around uncomfortable. Just fuck already. Whatever. It's not the end of the world.”
“I’m not— I—”
Caitlyn stood up and gave him a pat in his shoulders. “You can’t even deny it. But he isn’t going to reject you if that's what you're scared of.”
“That’s now what I’m— I like what we have. I don’t want to ruin it just because I want to be selfish.”
“Love is about being selfish sometimes. It’s okay, Jayce.” Caitlyn’s eyes were soft now, a warm smile just for him. “You can do it. Not the sex, I mean, the other part. Telling him how you feel. Everybody knows about how much you guys love each other. Now you need to make it clear.”
Jayce pouted. “I’ll… think about it.”
Caitlyn let out a frustrated grunt and left.
Jayce let himself stay there, for a long moment, staring at the big campus with eyes only for one person. He was quick in spotting Viktor on the other side of the campus. It was around the hour he left for other of his assignments without Jayce. But Jayce was always there, to see him walk by, just for the joy of his heart thumping loudly in his ears.
He counted the pace Viktor had with his steps. It was like a deaf melody in his head. He knew it by heart.
Well… maybe he was fucked.
*
Jayce kept his focus on his phone. He got a new notification. He rolled in his bed and looked at Viktor for a moment, but he was immersed in his book. He got back to his phone and opened the message.
Caitlyn: Just tell him how you feel!
Jayce: Don't you have a girlfriend to take care of?
Caitlyn: And you would have a boyfriend to take care of too if you actually did something.
Jayce let out a small laugh at Caitlyn's reply. He felt anxious somehow.
“They seem nice.” Viktor's voice was cold, but Jayce pretended not to hear it. He didn’t know Jayce was talking to Caitlyn. Maybe he was a bit jealous?
“Yes, she is."
Viktor looked up at him. His stare was really intense. He was asking who without saying anything.
“It’s Caitlyn,” he said, not wanting to make Viktor uncomfortable. “It’s strange, this feeling I get… like everyone is pushing us around.”
“Yeah, I've felt it, too.” Viktor admitted.
Jayce sighed. The silence was comfortable. The ticking of the alarm clock made his brain race. “Don't you feel like you’re a fake, sometimes?”
“Everyone is fake sometimes, Jayce. That’s exactly what we do to fit in.”
Jayce turned in his bed to stare at Viktor at the other side of the room. His friend was still with his eyes on his book. “You… too?”
“Yes, me too.” Viktor sounded almost defeated. He looked up at Jayce, his eyes vulnerable.
“Are you… fake with me?” Jayce felt anxious suddenly.
Viktor choked out a laugh. “Yeah. Maybe. Sometimes.”
“About what?”
Viktor pursed his lips, thinking about his answer. Jayce could feel the monster in his guts about to eat him from the inside. It was not hunger, but it felt like it. “My feelings.”
Finally, with a sudden move Jayce stood up and went to kneel beside Viktor's bed, his arms on the bed as he gently held one of Viktor's legs. “Why do you feel like you need to be fake with me?”
“Idon't have to tell you, you’re not a psychologist—”
“No, I'm your… friend.” Jayce frowned at his own hesitance. Viktor was his friend. His closest friend.
“Well, sometimes… people have feelings they don’t want to show to others, in order to maintain the normal course of… life.”
Jayce’s frown deepened. “What the actual fuck.”
The amber eyes that stared back at him almost bore a hole in his face. Viktor’s gaze was intense now, his slender hands fidgeting on his lap, near to Jayce’s hands.
“You do get it, Jayce,” he whispered. “You know exactly what I’m saying. You’ve been pretending like you don’t, too.”
Jayce felt a twist on his guts. Maybe Viktor was right, and he was pretending not to know, too. He was scared about how things could turn out if everything changed. He was scared of change. He didn't want to… lose Viktor.
“Maybe,” Jayce said. His eyes were somber, now. “Maybe I’m scared.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better: I am scared, too.”
“So… we’re idiots.”
“Yes. We are.” Viktor smiled at him. He gently cupped one of Jayce’s cheeks and leaned over him. Their breaths tangled. “If we take this step—”
“There’s no turning back, I know,” Jayce said.
“I was going to say that Powder and Ekko are gonna laugh at us for the rest of the semester, but yeah, that too. Although I don’t want to turn back now.”
Jayce smiled and leaned in to softly kiss Viktor on his lips. The kiss was chaste, but sweet. “I would never regret you.”
Viktor almost cried. Instead, he finally, finally, kissed Jayce and made him bend over the bed.
*
“You don’t need to say anything.”
Powder was smiling, sitting next to Caitlyn of all persons, with the smuggiest smile she could ever pull.
“I know, but I will say it anyways, because you guys have been so painfully obvious, you made us place bets on when it was going to happen. So. I freakin-told-you!”
Viktor felt Jayce holding his hand a bit tighter than before, but his jock boyfriend was smiling, he didn’t seem affected by Powder’s words.
“So? Who won?”
“I did,” Caitlyn said.
Powder rolled her eyes and gave Caitlyn twenty dollars.
“Tch,” Viktor said. “We’re worth more than just twenty.”
Powder and Caitlyn laughed at his reaction. Both girls were glad things went well between their friends.
“So. Can we go on triple dates now? Like officially?” Caitlyn asked, watching Jayce leaning over Viktor to kiss him. They were disgustingly sweet with each other now, not letting go each other’s hands.
“We’ll think about it,” Viktor said, but Jayce’s voice made him fade in the background. “Can we go tonight?”
And just like that, everything went back to normal again. Because that's what they were: Viktor and Jayce, a constant for each other, and the pillars in the corner of their own little world.