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The more Kokushibou learns about his boyfriend, the more he starts to worry him. Slowly but surely, as time after time, he learns something new about Douma just as Douma does the same with Kokushibou. Whether it be quirks, hidden talents, or knacks they had, all were becoming uncovered. For example, Douma could smile all day and somehow not have an aching face, Kokushibou could not.
They ended up cuddling one night which is where the worry for Douma set in.
When he entered the relationship with Douma he didn't know what to expect, he had ideas, selfless affection? Distance? Shying away from physical touch? and very quiet with what he wanted. Kokushibou was only right about one of those things and it was the last one. Although Douma didn't like to partake in public affection, at least not big displays at least like how Kokushibou typically liked to show, Douma was never once revolted at the idea of it, Douma welcomed it. He just wasn't as fond of it as he is of other things.
Kokushibou was hesitant to initiate anything which led Douma to initiate most things but he had been slowly coaxing Kokushibou out of that. kokushibou's hand would brush his and he'd take it in his, their shoulders would brush which would lead them to lean against each other. Douma would refer to Kokushibou with pet names and his face would light up like the moon, or like a young girl receiving flowers from her crush, and Douma would gush about how cute his boyfriend looked for the next hour or so. And that's not even mentioning how flustered Douma got when it was returned.
It was perfect. At least until Kokushibou realized potentially just how deep his past did reach.
Kokushibou knew few things about his partner's past, it wasn't similar to his own was one of them, Kokushibou had a brother, Douma didn't. Kokushibou was involved with the demon slayer corps, Douma wasn't. There were many other differences and few similarities between the two of them.
Douma had lost his previous love, had become emotionless from childhood and Kokushibou had hoped to at least try and bring Douma out of his shell of confidentiality once more. It would be a long tedious process, possibly years or even decades to work but they had all the time in the world, well Kokushibou assumed they did.
Kokushibou wasn't sure what to expect from the younger when Kokushibou opened up his arms one night, maybe rejection, slighted compliance, or nothing at all. You can imagine his surprise when it's none of the above and instead gleeful compliance with an arm around his waist and a head buried in his shoulder. It was almost like Douma was afraid to let him go, clinging to her like a life line.
Kokushibou shoots him a concerned smile, nudging him. To his surprise, Douma stayed silent, soon enough laying his head on the older's shoulder, his grip growing a bit tighter. The silence stretched on far more than Kokushibou was comfortable with.
"Douma..." He cautiously says, "How long has it been since someone hugged you?" he stays silent, and after a few beats and Douma tightening his grip around him, he speaks.
"Promise not to get mad at me?"
"I-" He's slightly taken aback by this response but slowly nodding, he abides. What can be so bad that it'll make Kokushibou angry? "Sure," He thickly gulps, softly patting his back. "A few decades," He calmly says, as if it's no big deal. "Almost a century, probably,"
"Don't people who you help hug you?" He says, his hand freezing up. "I'm above them, they don't see it as polite..." Is the only answer he gives Kokushibou, not needing much of an explanation at all. He pulls away, resting his hands on Kokushibou's shoulders. "Don't tell the others though, okay?" Tentatively he nods and moves closer to him, Kokushibou slowly wrapping his arms around the rainbow eyed demon, he sighed, melting into the gentle yet firm grip. Slowly but surely Kokushibou's grip on him slowly tightens, drawing invisible circles into his back. They stayed like that for a while until he felt his boyfriend struggling and he tightened his grip even more not moving.
"K-Koku... You're- you're smothering me,"
"Good," He silently answers, his eyes were wide with concern. "Be smothered, this is all you're getting from now on," Silently he tacts on: "and I'm not hearing any complains, even if I do it in front of the others."
"Shibou-"
"you concern me, did you know that? How can anyone go almost a century without getting hugged?"
"Kokushibou, please-"
"Seriously, is there anything else you want to tell me that I don't know? Because-"
"Kokushibou!"
"What?"
"You are cutting off the circulation to my arms," He loosens his grip slightly, trying to figure out a better way to hug Douma without exactly smothering him at the same time but it's hard not to know with what he knows.
"Oh... Apologies,"
"Still, why didn't you tell me that sooner?" If he expects Kokushibou not to notice the long pause, he does, along with the hesitancy before he thickly swallows and utters out the words:
"I thought you'd also not want to hug me." And almost immediately he's crushed by both guilt and sadness by the words.
He's breathless, not sure what to say yet he knows what he wants to at the same time, eventually though he comes to a conclusion.
"I'm sorry for making you feel like I would do that," His voice is weak and wavering close to breaking. He shakes his head, burying his face in the crook of Kokushibou's neck, breath ghosting against the pale skin making him shiver slightly. "'S not your fault, I don't blame you," Yet despite that, he couldn't help but feel guilty.
Holding him a little tighter than before, planting a kiss on the side of his head he silently promised to never make him feel like that again.