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How to Survive Divorcing Batman

Summary:

This entire story is that one TikTok trend so basically

Dick: I’m so hungry I could eat Daniel Wayne.

Bruce:….

Bruce: you’re grounded

Work Text:

3 months ago, Daniel Wayne Divorced Bruce Wayne and ran off without another word.

Here is what followed.

—

Tim Drake saw things.

He saw everything when it came to Bruce Wayne.

Including Daniel Wayne.

He saw how he had started drinking more, how he didn’t leave the house some days, and sometimes didn’t even speak unless spoken too.

It spoke of abuse.

It spoke of neglect, at the very least.

But Batman wouldn’t abuse his own husband, would he?

Tim had a theory.

While Bruce wasn’t intentionally abusing his husband, he still was through neglect.

But Tim thought there was another source of the problem.

Sometimes, when watching Danny he would see Danny get texts from someone.

Someone who made him upset, and drink more.

Tim thinks if Bruce finds out who they are, Danny would be much happier.

But before he could do anything about it,
Danny divorces Bruce Wayne and disappears off the face of the map.

Fine.

Tim might not have fixed Batman’s marriage, but he is going to fix another problem.

Tim knocks on the door.

The door opens.

“I need you to make me Robin.”

—

Everyone in Gotham knew about Daniel Wayne divorcing Bruce Wayne, it was all anyone would talk about for months. Then for years.

Everyone clowned on Brucie for letting go of a baddie.

Daniel Wayne wasn’t known for much, but he was known for being hot , and smart (someone dug through his records in college.)

No one knew where Daniel Wayne disappeared to after the divorce.

There were plenty of theories though!!

One of the most famous ones was that Daniel Wayne fell in love with a mob boss, and they ran off together.

Another one said that Bruce Wayne had him killed for divorcing him.

Whatever the reason was, people whispered about how miserable Bruce Wayne looked whenever Daniel Wayne was brought up.

—

Damian Wayne knew who Daniel Wayne was.

His mother had spent half of her life cursing his existence after all.

When Damian entered his Fathers Manor for the first time, he noticed a lot of pictures with Daniel in them (He would have to find out Daniel’s last name, it felt weird calling him Daniel.)

“So! Damian, what do you think of the Manor?” Grayson asks.

Damian scoffs

“It is… sufficient, I suppose…”

Grayson noticed him staring at a portrait of Daniel and Father on their wedding day and gives a sad smile.

“That’s Dee-Dee and B, on their wedding day.”

“I thought his name was Daniel?”

“It is, but hated being called that. He was Danny to most, but Dee-Dee to me and… and Jason.”

“What did Father call him?” Damian couldn’t fathom why he was so curious about someone who should be his enemy, since he was his mother’s.

“B called him every pet name under the sun, and Dee-Dee did the same with him. Hun, baby, darling, sugar, one time, Dee-Dee did nothing but vegetables just to make me laugh when I was having a bad day.”

Grayson sighs, seemingly lost in memories.

“… was… Dee-Dee…. Nice to you?”

Grayson smiles.

“oh, he was the best! Dee-Dee once went to my spelling Bee with B, and he cheered so loudly whenever I got something right, the other parents would look at him like he was crazy.”

“You cared about him a lot.”

“Danny was the first person I really fought for as Robin. Some days, it still feels like I’m fighting for him.”

Grayson smiles.

“So, Damian, who do you want to fight for?”

—

Danny smiles as Jordan and Ellie run around the house, playing supervillains (as opposed to normal children playing heroes, Jordan never really forgot his villainous side, and Ellie loved pretending to have a dark past.)

Danny’s been doing much, much better. He went to the ghost zone almost immediately after moving to Norway, to make sure the kids were healthy and that he was too.

Danny was happy.

Even he didn’t always like the people visiting his home.

“Vlad, please stop teaching Ellie dark magic, you are being a terrible Grandfather.”

“I am being a wonderful Grandfather, your father is the terrible Grandfather, he isn’t even here!”

“He’s dead, Fruitloop.”

“So am I, that’s not stopping me.”

Danny snorts, and then turns to see Jordan staring at the TV. blankly.

“Jordan, my little moon, what are you doing?”

“Watching.”

“Watching what, dearest?”

“Father.”

Danny freezes.

Then takes a deep breath, and smiles.

“Really? Your father is on T.V. right now?”

“Yup.”

Danny looks over to see Bruce at a press conference, next to what appears to be a 9 year old boy.

“—and I pleased to introduce my son, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne.”

That boy was old enough to be alive when Danny and Bruce were still married.

Danny knew the name Al Ghul.

Danny’s eye twitched.

Danny takes a deep breath, remembering Jazz’s breathing techniques.

In.

Hold.

Out.

Danny didn’t care anymore.

He had no reason to care.

He was fine.

Danny was fine.

—

If you asked Bruce what his biggest mistake was in life, it would be signing those divorce papers.

Never before in his life had signing his name had given him such grief.

Bruce missed Danny every day, every moment, of his life.

Bruce’s hindsight was 20/20, he could clearly see what he did wrong.

He just wished he actually did something at the time.

“So, Mr. Wayne, how are you doing today?”

“I’m doing fine Ms. Vale, how about you?”

“Oh, lovely, lovely, thank you for agreeing to this interview by the way.” She titters.

“Oh it’s my pleasure!”

“So, how is little Damian settling in?”

“Oh, he’s doing very well, he gets on very nicely with his siblings.”

“Oh, that’s nice. So, we here at Gotham Gazette have noticed that Damian is currently…. Nine?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Mmhmmm. But you and Daniel Wayne divorced six years ago, correct?”

“…yes.”

“Did your husband at the time… know about Damian?”

“No, he did not, but then again, neither did I. Damian was the… result of something that I did not want or consent to.”

“Oh, you poor thing, I am so sorry for bringing it up! Let’s move on to something else then…. Oh! How about this, where is Daniel Wayne now?”

“I don’t know.”

“No idea at all?”

“None.”

—

Clockwork didn’t… care for many people.

But there was one shining soul that he cared about.

Danny.

Clockwork watched Danny’s and Bruce’s relationship, the ups and downs, where they would end up, what could have been.

Clockwork knew, he knew that Bruce Wayne and Danny Wayne would get their happily ever after that his Prince dreamed of.

But that didn’t mean that Clockwork couldn’t be mean to Bruce Wayne first.

Clockwork smiles as Batman gets sucked
into the time stream.

Besides,

All is as it should be.

—

Bruce doesn’t want to talk about his time in the time stream.

—

Tim doesn’t want to talk about how he saved Bruce.

But he’ll do it anyways.

When Tim saw the thing, he didn’t know what to think.

It was large, but small seconds later. It had blue skin, and glowing red eyes. It shifted from old, to young, to old again.

“You took Batman. I want him back.”
Tim was surprised by the calmness in his voice, he wanted to run away from it.

“Hmm. Why should I? Convince me.”

“Gotham needs him. He’s the only one who does anything to help!”

“Incorrect. I could name ten people who help just as much, if not more than him, including you.”

“Maybe so, but so many of us became heroes for Gotham because of him. He made Gotham better.”

“Not before making it worse. Rogues didn’t even exist before Batman came onto the scene.”

“The Court of Owls existed, and the League of Assassins.”

“Do you really count them as a singular Rogue though? They don’t even have a cool gimmick. Condiment king is not a good villain, but he’s a good rogue, cause he’s got a gimmick.”

“You’re really insisting on this debate??”

“Of course!”

“Fine uhm…. What about the Penguin?? He’s got a gimmick, and he was doing mob shit before Batman showed up!” Tim did feel a tiny bit proud about his argument.

“Hm. That is true.”

“Please?”

The entity sighs.

“I was always a sucker for teenagers with big blue eyes… Very well, Red Robin, you may have your Batman back.”

“Thank you.”

“You may also ask a question about anything of your choosing, as per traditional debate law.”

Anything he wants…?

“What happened to Daniel Wayne?”

“…”

“You said any question.”

“…Very well, but you must not tell Bruce Wayne.”

“Deal!”

“Daniel Wayne currently lives in Norway with his two kids.”

“KIDS??!”

“Yes, Daniel Wayne was pregnant with Bruce Wayne’s children, that is why he tried so hard to push for a divorce.”

“Oh my god…”

“Leave now, young hero, and do not worry. All will be as it should.”

Tim felt reality slowly return.

—

The Joker was a simple fellow.

“Look, Dickie Grayson, imma tell it to ya, Brucie Wayne could not handle all dat ass, so Daniel Wayne ran off! That simple!”

“Please stop talking. Dee-Dee wouldn’t cheat on B, I know it!”

The Joker was bored.

And what was more fun than torturing some rich guy by making sexual innuendos about one of his parents?

“I’m just saying, if I were Brucie, I would have locked him down, you know what I mean? Pretty things like him would have only gotten in trouble otherwise…”

“Oh my god, Dee-Dee’s like, my mom, stop it!!”

“Not anymore he’s not!”

There was a sudden loud crash, and Joker looked up to see Batman and Catwoman

“Ahh, Batman, other one, Just in time!! We were discussing Brucie Wayne’s bedroom habits!!”

Batman pauses while Catwoman giggles.

“…Why?”

“It’s fun!”

Batman punches Joker in the face, a little harder than normal, in Jokers opinion.

“Aww, did you have a crush on the pretty thing too? I can’t blame ya Batman, I bet half of Gotham would have taken that pony for a ride!”

Batman punches Joker again while Catwoman unties Dick Grayson.

—

Later while Batman and Catwoman watch as the Joker gets sent to Arkham, Catwoman smirks.

“He was right you know. You totally did fumble.”

Batman sighs.

—
When Jason came back from the dead, all he could do was rage.

It wasn’t until many months later that he could control his emotions and thoughts.

And the first person he thought about was Dee-Dee.

That silly nickname Dick came up with and Jason had started using it too.

But in his head, Dee-Dee was always his mom.

He was working up the courage to ask if he could him that when everything happened.

Dee-Dee was the first thing he looked up when he had access to the internet.

When he found out Dee-Dee had divorced Bruce in grief over his death, his heart aches.

Dee-Dee used to be his rock, the one who would cheer him on.

Jason saw how hard Dee-Dee tried to curb his drinking to be there for Jason, how helped Jason with his nicotine problem in return.

Jason walked down the long road, hands shoved into his pockets and hood over his head.

When he approached the Manor for the first time in years, he had only one question on his lips.

The door opens.

“Where is my mother?”
—

Danny pauses when he hears a knock on the door.

The only people who knew where he lived was Sam, Tucker, and Vlad, and none of them would bother to knock, just make themselves at home.

So this was someone else.

Danny peeked through the window to see a 17 year old just… standing there.

Well… it’s not the GIW, at least?

Danny opens the door.

“Uhm… hi? Who are you?”

“O-oh, uh, Hi I’m Tim Drake, it’s lovely to meet you, Mr. Nightingale.”

“Nice to meet you Tim, you need something? Where are your parents?”

“They’re in Egypt, listen, uhm… Bruce Wayne and I are… kinda close, and I guess I just wanted to make sure you were… alive I guess? Also I have questions.”

Danny sighs.

“Come on in, I’ll make tea. The kids’ll be up soon, so just be warned.”

As Danny prepared the tea, he took a moment to prepare for… whatever this is.

“Okay. Ask your questions.”

“How did you disappear off the face of the earth? B hired a private investigator and still couldn’t find you.”

“A mixture of magic and tax fraud, next.”

“You can do magic?”

“Yup, since before I met Brucie.”

“Why didn’t you tell B you were pregnant.”

“I wasn’t doing well in Gotham, and it was
Making me sick in ways that are complicated. Brucie loved Gotham, I couldn’t make him leave for my health. And with Jay dying…”

“I understand, I really do.”

Danny turns to see Ellie and Jordan stumble into the kitchen.

“Hello my little Moon and Stars…”

“Whodatt?”

“This is Tim, Ellie, he’s a new friend.”

They talked for hours, questions and answers flying about.

Danny was glad that he made a friend in the young boy.

—
Jordan Nightingale remembers.

He remembers his last life.

He remembers the destruction he caused.

But he also remembered his Papa.

Papa wasn’t Jordan’s papa originally, he was actually Jordan, kind of.

Jordan’s brain couldn’t fully understand that yet.

But he remembered that Papa wasn’t kind, and lovely, and wanted to help everyone, even those who don’t deserve it.

Jordan remembers.

He remembers all the times Papa cried on his and father’s wedding anniversary.

Or on his brother Jason’s death date.

Or when Jordan saw Damian Wayne on the TV. for the first time.

Jordan’s solution was simple and clear.

He was going to kill Father, and then Papa will be happy with him and Ellie.

(And sometimes Tim.)

Bruce Wayne will pay.

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