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"There are reasons for everything. I've noticed every reaction he has given me these past three years and I've treasured each one. I've always noticed the way he smiles and his eyes twinkled, but these past three months have been different and I could tell in his eyes, something was wrong. He just wouldn't tell his secrets.
I've asked him so many times. Dan always told me the same thing, "The more you fake a smile, the more it becomes true."
I told him that I hadn't understood, but he just shrugged and left it as it was. I wanted to push it. I should've pushed it, but I hadn't.
He left the Grumps. Shortly he left everything. I begged him to stay. I cried and begged. He was destroying himself and I hadn't known why. After he turned away from my pleading he spoke in a hoarse voice, "Everything will be better this way."
If I had known what he was planning, I would've stopped him, kissed those tears off of his face. I should've pushed it out of him because if I had, maybe he would be sitting on the grump couch right now, scrolling through his feed on his phone smiling his true smile at little things, but he left us.
He left us to drown. He drowned himself in pills and liquor. I wondered why, but I hadn't had the courage to speak up because I was scared. I hadn't wanted him to be mad at me, but that would've been better than where he is now.
I'm sorry, Dan. I should've pushed it. I wish you told me what was bothering you instead of writing it in blood and tears. I would've hugged you and kissed you. If I had pushed it, I would be snuggled up to my snuggle man right now, but I hadn't and I'm sorry for it. I love you, Danny. I wish you told me you loved me when I could feel the heat of your skin, instead of on a piece of paper covered in red. Instead of in a suicide note." Arin's rubbed at his reddened eyes. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he desperately tried to hold onto what he had right now. He wanted to make a mental image of what was left of him. He wanted to kiss Dan, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He looked at him, at his pale skin, blue lips, at his curly hair that shaped his face, then left. There are always reasons and this time he can't help but feel that he was the reason this time.