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Akaza watches Kyojuro as he slowly lies down on the bed.
"Akaza?"
They've been fighting together long enough that he now knows every single scar on his body. Kyojuro often injures himself while protecting others or during battles.
But not like this — never like this! Why did he do that? When that demon attacked him, Akaza didn't even try to avoid him. Why would he? There was no reason to avoid such weak attacks since any injury would have healed immediately. Yet in an instant, Kyojuro put himself between them and shielded Akaza. He took a blow that was meant for him. Why did he do it? Just another injury, more wounds that would turn into scars.
Akaza walks towards the bed and begins his usual routine of cleaning his wounds and wrapping it in bandages. He stares at his hands, lightly smeared with Kyojuro's blood, and his blue fingers seem to make it stand out even more. So much so that he's transfixed for a moment as if that blood was mocking him. Those wounds are there because he was too stunned to move a muscle even when Kyojuro’s blood dripped on the ground.
"Why?" Akaza asks, trying to conceal the torment he's feeling inside. An ocean of feelings that keeps crushing against his heart, making it more fragile. "Why did you do that?"
"Do... what?" Kyojuro asks, tilting his head in confusion.
"Protecting me," he retorts, trying to keep his voice steady. "I understand that you want to protect humans, and that you often get hurt as a result. But why did you protect me? You didn't have to do that.”
"But of course I had to protect you, Akaza, I have to protect those I love," Kyojuro replies with a disarming, bright smile. "And you know that I love you."
Akaza stares at him wide-eyed. He knows Kyojuro's feelings well, partly because he never hides them. He always feels so openly, rarely hiding the feelings his heart holds. But he has placed his ear against Kyojuro's chest enough times that he knows the music of his heart. He knows how Kyojuro's heart beats when they are close, and there is nothing more beautiful. But he has never said that so clearly. The way he said I love you makes Akaza's heart beat faster. The way he said that feels unreal, so much devotion woven into those three simple words that can change everything.
"That's not— I don't need it," he says, barely able to contain his emotions. "You know that I don't need it. That kind of wound would have already healed if it were me."
Kyojuro doesn't answer. He looks at him, confused, as if he still couldn’t understand the reason for Akaza's outburst. As if he didn't just protect a demon, whose wounds heal in seconds, with his too vulnerable and fragile body. A stronger demon would have probably killed Kyojuro, or at the very least gravely injured him. No one should die in his place, or get hurt to protect him. No one with such a fragile, mortal body should take hits that were meant for his invulnerable one.
"Please, Akaza," he pleads, "sit next to me."
And Akaza does as he is told. He has never been able to refuse a request from Kyojuro, and probably never will. The warmth emanating from Kyojuro's body comforts him because that means he's alive. Still alive.
"I understand that you want to save people, truly I do," Akaza begins to say, laying his hand on Kyojuro's chest. "I understand that you want to protect those who can't protect themselves."
"But?"
"You don't need to protect me," Akaza says. "I don't need it. If someone were to cut off my arm, it would grow back in a second. But yours wouldn't. Any wound on my body heals quickly, but on yours? It might take weeks, or at worst even months. Your body is so fragile, but mine isn't.”
Kyojuro takes a clean cloth and wipes Akaza's hand clean of his blood. The other still clings to the fabric of his clothes, and he doesn't have enough strength to force Akaza to release him. So he leaves it there, reminding himself to clean it as soon as he can.
"You don't need to charge head-on every time," he continues. "I can go first and distract the demon, enough for you to attack without getting hurt. Or I can kill them, if that suits you best."
"But Akaza..."
"I'll shield those who need protection," he vows. "I can regenerate, and I can withstand anything — you cannot, and neither can they. I can protect them with my own body, if that's what they need."
Kyojuro stares at him, feeling his heart tighten painfully. He never thought about that, not even once. Because he'd rather get hurt than see Akaza suffer yet another amputation or otherwise fatal wound, even though it lasts a second... it surely hurts all the same.
"I'd rather—" He begins to say, only to be interrupted with something close to anguish.
"Don't you dare say that," Akaza warns him, trying to keep his voice down, completely overwhelmed by his feelings. "Promise me, Kyojuro. Promise me that you will never shield me again." There’s urgency in his voice, and he will never take no for an answer. He has to promise him — right here, and now. “I’m a demon, Kyojuro — I know you sometimes seem to forget about that, but that doesn’t change the truth. I’m a demon, few things can really hurt me. Only two things can kill me.”
They stare at each other for a moment, and Akaza feels his eyes sting and wonders if he's crying or not. He can feel a strange pain at the back of his throat, and taste the bitter tang of agony. If Kyojuro were to die, Akaza would lose himself once again.
“You shouldn’t get hurt because of me, Kyojuro. So promise, right now.”
"I promise," Kyojuro murmurs after a moment of silence. "I promise, Akaza."
"Never again."
"Never."
Akaza removes his hand from Kyojuro's chest, his fingers still stained with his blood.
"Let me clean your hand, Akaza," Kyojuro says with a gentle smile. "It's still stained with my blood."
Akaza looks at his hand for a moment before licking the blood away. Kyojuro's blood tastes so sweet it almost silences every suffering in his tormented heart.
"Akaza?"
"A part of you will always stay with me," he murmurs desperately. "You'll be etched into my bones until the very end." It will be seared in every nerve, and every single organ in his body. Kyojuro's blood will never leave him, forever mixed with his own.
Then Akaza leans down and kisses Kyojuro deeply, biting his lips until he draws blood. Akaza feels dizzy as he kisses him, Kyojuro’s soft lips moving against his own, all his senses enveloped by the other's presence. It feels mind-numbing, but that's what he needs right now. When he moves away, his lips are lightly stained with Kyojuro's blood. He can smell his blood, and its scent is overwhelmingly lovely.
"Don't ever do that again," Akaza repeats, kissing his lips one more time. "Say it again, Kyojuro. Say it."
"Never again," Kyojuro vows.
Akaza breathes deeply and then lies next to him.
“Could you rest your head on my chest?” he asks.
Akaza doesn’t reply, but rests his head on his chest, and hears Kyojuro’s heartbeat — it’s strong, as it always is. Its music calms every nerve in his body. It makes him feel almost sleepy, even though demons don’t sleep. Kyojuro’s heart seems to be whispering his name with every beat.
"Kyojuro," Akaza murmurs, looking up to him, wrapping one arm around his waist.
"Yes?" Kyojuro replies with a small smile.
“Why did you do that?” Akaza asks. “I just can’t wrap my head around the reason. I can’t understand why you would do that.”
“When I saw that demon attacking you, I didn’t think twice,” Kyojuro murmurs, slowly caressing his arm. A warm touch that makes Akaza want more. “I just wanted to protect you. I didn’t care about getting injured — the only thing that mattered was shielding you. Your wounds might heal fast, but they must hurt all the same.”
Akaza stares at Kyojuro, blinking slowly as if he were about to fall asleep. Kyojuro loves him so much, Akaza can see it in the way his face softens, and can feel it in the gentle and loving touch with which he always caresses his body. He even used his own body to shield him — to protect a demon whose body heals in the blink of an eye. Such gentleness almost feels unreal, and yet Kyojuro is next to him, glowing with so much kindness it reverberates against his chest, burying itself inside his heart, planting roots in his soul that will soon blossom into soft flowers. Not seared in pain, but brimming with softness. Not drenched in poison, but filled with the sweetest scent ever. Flowers that fill his lungs turning them into a secret garden that holds their shared memories.
He feels so calm, wrapped in Kyojuro's warmth. In his affection that knows no bounds and brightness that shines upon everything it touches.
"I love you,” he says softly. Not holding anything back because there's no reason to. He wants him to know that he loves him, profoundly. His life, already so fragile, is at risk every single night. And what if Kyojuro dies without hearing that Akaza loves him? He would never forgive himself, and sure Kyojuro knows that he loves him, of course he does, but too many words are often left unsaid.
He doesn't want that.
Kyojuro takes Akaza's hand and brings it to his lips, kissing his fingers. "I love you, too."
It feels peaceful, Akaza thinks, as he holds Kyojuro more tightly. His nights have always been quiet ever since he started spending them with him — no fights, no blood. They both know this isn’t going to last, but this ephemeral peace seems endless right now.
That’s the only thing that matters — only them, nothing else.