Archive of Our Own ^beta

What is left of tomorrow

Coming back after Japan, the first thing I did was leaving again.

I didn’t say a word to anyone, just took the car, barely taking the time to change, black jeans and black hoodie, and left. Straight North. Straight to my hometown. I needed the time alone, after all I have always been a loner. Time to return to my roots, for the cold and the sea to cool down the fire in my blood. Time to think about the future and what to do next, I still had a career to save... Or at least try to save what was left of it…

But for now, there was only the roar of the engine to pierce the night as the car devoured the kilometers. I felt better already. The noise in my mind died down, little by little, drowned away by that sound, along with ‘the Tide’ playing on the radio. I accelerated again. It was still a long way to the port of Hamburg.

It was near daybreak when the light of the city came into view in the blue of the horizon. 

With the engine off, the noise of my thoughts, which had fallen silent on the road, returned.

…Damn it.

The calming effect of driving, the Audi speeding along the asphalt at 200, 300 km/h, the engine roaring in the night—all of that evaporated the moment I parked, and I found myself alone again with my thoughts. …The mess in my head was closer to reality.

I took a room in a hotel and almost immediately, despite a sleepless night at the wheel,  set off again. I'd slept enough on the plane anyway.

And... I had the feeling—or more like the fear—that if I stayed for too long, I would find myself trapped again in the loop of leaving Japan. … And the way I had snapped in the locker room after that last match. Which, I admit,  would have been funny any other day, striking both Noa and Isagi in one go, German mixing on my tongue with Danish and probably some English as well: “Don’t you dare call that shit show a pass in front of me. It was lamentable. As for you, Yoichi, shut your mouth. I’ve been insulted enough today to last me a century. Thank you very much.” “Huh?! I just wanted to say thank you for the pass, it was a nice one-” “It sucked!” I shook my head, bringing myself back to the present, and, hands buried in the large pocket of my hoodie, I let my steps guide me along streets I still knew by heart to the terrace of a café. I needed to think, and it was better to do so sober... I’ll wait tonight to get myself bad.

A sigh escaped me as I brought the cup of hot coffee to my lips. I let my gaze wander along the street, taking in the passersby, the cars, the buildings... Hamburg’s familiar early morning scenery… The smell carried by the wind, just as familiar, one of salt and sea and Northern Sun, now mixed with the scent of Arabica coming from the café… It was soothing. And I had missed it so much. Despite everything, the hardship and less than happy memories, Hamburg will always be the place I would call home. Even more so now that I could fully enjoy it,  free of my family. We hated each other, and yet it still took three lawsuits for me to get rid of them, for them to become strangers in the crowd… I used the money to buy my car, making it the embodiment of my freedom, of the path I had carved for myself… And in a way the only gift they ever gave me. It was from the port of Hamburg that I had set sail to chase the future that I chose… Should I continue along that road? Or could I really just return here and start everything anew..? Do I have the strength to claw my way forward from zero one more time? What was the solution… The good choice to make right now? A sudden weight on my lap interrupted my reflection.

-Meow!

-Wha-?

-Meow!

-Meow to you too I guess.

The cat sat there, tail curling around and quite literally headbutted my jaw in quest of pats, which I gave, hand coming to scratch the feline’s skull. With a sigh and between two ear scritches, I found myself wondering out loud:

-And you, what would you do? Any advice? 

-Meow!

-Right. More petting it is then.

The purr in my ear turned even louder, and the stray stayed with me for a second and a third coffee. Until we both decided to move from the sunny terrace and go our separate way.

Hands in my pocket, I just… wandered around for a while. Along familiar streets in a familiar city. Something well known that hasn't changed. It brought me back to my younger self who used to do the exact same thing. I have lost count of how many times exactly I have wandered along those streets.

My next stop was a Burger King- the coach would have fainted if he had found out, but I was starving and there was no one around to tell on me. So… I grabbed my things and went to settle down at a random table in the fast food. 

I finished my fries leaning against one of the city's bridges, sharing what was left of it with a seagull that was a little too gluttonous-but at least had the courtesy to wait for me to give it some... which put it above some people I know. The gesture brought a fond smile to my lips, reminding me of the many times I had shared the snacks I stole from my siblings-I was much smarter than those two—with the birds of the city, it was pay back for all the times these two had beat me up and all the bullying I’ve went through.

Despite the fact that I had no more food to give, the seagull stayed with me, and I don’t know why, but it was leaning against that bridge, that the idea to check my phone came into my mind. I unlocked the device… To find that it was still in airplane mode… Sorry I guess?

To my surprise, there were messages on one of the shared chats that we had with the team. Not the one with the training and planning and other things linked to the BM activities, but the more ‘personal’ one, the one we used for friendly chat. And while the first ones were mostly questions, wondering where I had gone, they quickly came to the conclusion that I needed a break for a day or two and had gone back to my hometown. They knew me. It was both surprising -or more like unfamiliar for a loner like me- and adorable.

[Looks like I’m not the only magician around 😊 Yes, I made my way back home. But I’ll come back soon, won’t leave you alone for our next match, I also want a piece of Berserk Dortmund!]

Reading their messages and my answer, I realized two things : that no one seemed to mind neither the way I had snapped at both Noa and Isagi back in Japan nor my sudden ‘disappearance’ and that maybe it was not as over for me as I thought it was. I still have a team to return to, friends, matches to play… A future to make. Let’s not get greedy, first, returning to training, second the match, and only then the rest of the way.

To my surprise, the rest of the notification came from none other than Michael Kaiser. And there were a lot. I arched a brow at that. It was not common for him to send me something, so I expected it even less after Japan. After all he had been quite clear that the ties -if there’s ever been any- were cut.

>-I didn't see you in the cafeteria.

-Maybe because I didn’t want to see your face?

For a second I could have sworn there was a flash of something that crossed the now usual cold of his expression. A something that looked… Sad. Could have been called so in anyone else.

-I think we should ta-

-And I guarantee you there is nothing left for us to talk about. You’ve been very clear. <

I remembered well the venom in my voice when I spitted my answer to his face between clenched teeth- to hide how much it hurt. Even if it all started as what one might call “an alliance of convenience”, I used to think we became friends somewhere along the road. But apparently, the only place we were so was inside my head… So I ignored the messages, the missed calls, even the voicemails. Yet still, an annoyed “tsk” escaped me. The guy's absolute panache. 

New messages came from the others:

It was not like I’ve already been adopted by a stray cat… and a bird. And not like the chances were high that it would happen again. Not at all.

In the flood of laughing emoji my gaze caught a new notification… From Michael Kaiser. Damn it. I had forgotten that we must be about equally stubborn.

[I know you have your phone in hand, you’re answering the others. Can we talk? Please?]

Go fuck yourself. Cordially. …And the “cordially” is there Only because apparently you’ve learned how to say “please”.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, and as the seagull next to me took flight in a rustling of feathers, I made my way toward the Elbphilarmonie.

The Elbphilarmonie and its surroundings was probably my favorite place in Hambourg. And, sitting near the edge, I let my legs dangle over the water, taking a deep breath of an air that smelled of salt and sea and Northern Sun. I have missed it so much. For a while, I just stayed there, enjoying the view, the scent and the sounds… And it didn’t take long at all for yet another stray cat to come say hello and decide to rest as a fluffy calico loaf on my lap… And started purring probably as loud as a lion’s roar once I found the good spot behind its skull. My teammates were right: I was a magnet. And yet… Yet the calm in my mind didn’t last long this time either, for soon enough my thought went back to that last match in Japan. Yes, I’ve told the others that I was ready to play, to start training again, that I wanted a piece of Berserk Dortmund, but… A sigh escaped me. While it was true that I still have a team to return to, even a contract for… What was the conversion of Yen-Euros again? 130 000 000, so  under 750 000?  Yeah, must be something like that, I was too lazy to precisely do the maths anyway. So, maybe my career wasn’t really as over as I thought it was when I boarded the plane. What then? Another sigh escaped me. The problem lay in something I had refused to touch: in that last match. One that I messed up… And that damned pass. Not bringing your best game to a match could happen but- and maybe that was pride talking- never in my entire career did I miss a pass like that. At every moment of a game, I always knew where my teammates were and how to pass to them. Even when they needed -or asked- for something special, I always knew and gave just that. So, the fact that I had missed, for the first time ever, was a pill hard to swallow… Even if Noa said otherwise, because in the end it wasn’t a lost pass for someone had managed to catch it and score. Just… Not the intended receiver. And that seemed even more impossible: the probabilities of  Kaiser missing a pass were even lower than me missing. It just… could not happen. It had been so since day one, since the try out for Bastard Munchen four years ago where he was the only one to answer my plays. That day marked the first time we’ve made the impossible together. If he hadn't been there that day, I would never have had a career to defend in the first place. The irony. It still surprised -and hurted- me how easy it had been for him to just destroy everything and walk away. Even if I knew that he would leave the team one day, that for him the end of the road was not in Germany but in the heat of Spain-and I was ready to help him get there,- I had the hope that we would stay in touch, that those four years meant something for him as well and that we had moved from ‘allies of convenience’ to ‘partners’ to ‘friends’... But apparently not. Still… Still I missed the boy I had met that day. The boy whom I performed magic with, the guy who laughed when the three languages I spoke mixed up on my tongue or when I forgot a word -“Michael, how do you say that thing again?” “What thing?” “Come on! You know... That thing?”-, the guy who dragged me in the other direction every time I wanted to pet a dog or a cat, the one who had confronted me about all those times when my brain was messing up and the World was distorting before my eyes, and who had taken me to the hospital... The one who half-joked about it because my perception of space was usually excellent, but who didn't hesitate to put my hand on his arm and became my reference point every time the World didn’t fit into the right size anymore, before I got my definitive treatment, the one who asked me to cut and die his hair… And the one who half-grumbled at me to make him coffee - “Michael, you only drink plain black espresso, or any extra-black coffee, there’s nothing special about it” “You’re still the only one able to make that capricious thing cooperate.” “Starbucks exists.” “Not the same. Yours better.” “Mmhmmh…” “You put magic in it.” … And now I was left to wonder how much of it was true and how much was an act… And cry for the boy I knew and would never come back. Another sigh escaped me. This one was resigned. Sad. I didn't have a DeLorean. I should stop thinking about it. He was going to leave anyway. We only had one more game to play together and then it would be over. We would go our separate ways and become strangers. With a little luck, my parents' strict upbringing would help me behave politely -more so than usual- toward him and treat him like a colleague and nothing else... Yeah. I could totally do that. Easy as cake!

My good resolution, made at the foot of the Elbphilharmonie with a cat purring happily on my lap, didn't last as long as I had hoped. Not at all, in fact. No sooner had I returned than Kaiser greeted me. Well “greeted” … more like “yelled”. He had not appreciated being ignored -ghosted- at all and was adamant that we needed to talk. Not me. He had been crystal clear and we had nothing left to say to each other. Easy as cake I said, well, joke on me I guess. It looked like it was going to be complicated… The match against Berserk Dortmund couldn’t pass by fast enough.

-Gå ud og knep dig selv med en baobab (Go fuck yourself with a baobab)

Well, at least it had the merit of shutting him up.

-Translation please? The only word I understood is baobab.

-Go Google it.

Usually, I liked training, but training the day after I came back from Hamburg was a pain. Courtesy of Mister Emperor himself. He was just everywhere, with a play style closer to the one of a poacher, looking messy and unpolished compared to his usual one. Jumping onto each and every ball whether the pass was destined to him -yes, yes  I did make the effort to send him a few… when there was no other choice- or not. And if the coach seemed happy and confident in our chances of victory, I was furious. For someone who basically told me to fuck off he sure was persistent… I suppose all that was left for me to do was to tell Mr. 2 Million what I thought. Damn it. I would have liked to spare myself that, but at that point, I guess I might as well just spit out my venom once and for all. He had it coming.

-Ah, so that’s it? You’ve finally decided to spe-

-No. You’re going to shut up and listen to me for five minutes.

-Alex-

That wasn’t exactly new for he used to call me that way, but he hadn’t done so in a while. Now I was “Ness”, just like “Michael” had morphed back into “Kaiser”. But I took it as his patience running thin, when it was not.

-Fine. Two minutes. Unlike you, my career is hanging right now. And no, I have no intention of quitting, sorry to disappoint, I fought way too damn hard to get there and I won't let your mood swing get in the way of it. 

Twice he opened his mouth, ready to interrupt me, but I was talking too fast for him to get a word in.

-You’ve been extremely clear in Japan that you don't want to play with me anymore. And I suppose that’s alright, it hurts but that’s alright. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have said out loud that it hurted, but at least I was honest.

-We still have one last match to play together, and I’m willing to make an effort but I would appreciate if it didn't turn out like today's training. Then, we’ll go our own way and end of the story.

At that, he looked like a whole mountain had fallen right onto his head.

-Wh-Last match? You won’t be playing the World Cup?

-The list isn't final yet. But I certainly hope I'm not on it and if it’s the case, then that I’ll get benched for the whole competition.

-You can’t say that-

- After the way you treated me in Japan? I'd rather swim up the entire Amazon and the Nile as well than have to share a field with you again. 

Ouch. Maybe I went too far with that one, for he really looked hurt and sad. 

-...I know I’m no good with words, but what If I show you?

I arched a brow at that, what on Earth could he still have on his mind?

-Show me..?

-That I’m sorry.

I deeply sighed at that.

-I don’t have a DeLorean. 

-Tell me it’s impossible then.

Despite the sadness still there, a new fire was burning in the blue of his eyes. And for a while, I held his gaze, searching for the lie, for the truth, gauging in the way that put him ill at ease. 

> -I don’t like it when you look at me like that…

-Mh? Like what?

-Like you can see right through me. All that I am and all the things I’ve hidden somewhere in the dark. It… Makes me uncomfortable.<

We had met while accomplishing the impossible. And his specialty was making the impossible possible. Before, I knew that it was a challenge, and that if I said  “yes”, it would only be another reason for him to do it. Before, I was willing to bet on him because he could do it and I knew that. But since then, I had seen a zero probability become reality, as if his ability to achieve the impossible had left him, as if it were a bottle that had emptied after he had drawn too much on his talent.

So this time, I answered without thinking. Believing I was burying the matter.

-It is impossible.

After the experience in Spain, I thought I was ready and knew what to expect from the European audience. But apparently, I was wrong. European crowds were just a whole different breed entirely. The entire stadium was shaking as I slithered to my place. I had to admit the atmosphere was crazy and both teams weren’t even on the grass yet. In my ears, the Mikage Corporation translation earpieces crackled constantly. The stadium was too noisy for them to pick up and translate anything, the sound around staying a vague buzz. I had put them in hoping to understand the commentators above the crowd, but it seemed like a lost battle.

When the players entered the field, I was certain of two things: everyone in the stadium would have a sore throat tomorrow, and I was going to lose half my hearing.

Let’s see what my team during the N.E.L. had to offer this time, in what way their plays would be different? I easily spotted the former duo, now broken, and that was what made me curious: what would they do now? How would the Emperor reclaim his throne?

The kickoff was given, ball to Berserk... A ball they didn't keep for long. To my surprise, and that of the entire crowd, the ball was caught in midair and sent straight forward... Before ending up in the back of the net in the blink of an eye. … And Kaiser rising his fist above his head in victory.

With our little war going on, I had almost forgotten how terrifying this player was… And that apparently the Emperor was still standing tall. I heard -or more like the earpieces picked it up- the general whisper of “what was that?” just before the commentators:

-And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call a statement from the Emperor himself. Some said he had lost his splendor with his participation in the Blue Lock project, but he is still very much present, as this phenomenal opening goal proves!

-The future of this young athlete is really something I can’t wait to see!

-Oh! And that's another attack thwarted for the Berserk Dortmund! Stopped in his tracks by a sublime heel control from the Number 8. 

-And apparently the spectators want a magic show!

I wouldn’t exactly say that control was sublime. Not  in the flashy sense of the word, for the move was discreet, subtle, but it sure showed off his technique. Without breaking stride, without even glancing over his shoulder, just with his spatial perception and the knowledge he was just at the right distance, he passed it to a teammate behind him, who sent it straight back to him. And with the crowd around me chanting “We want magic!” Ness raced forward, outplaying their entire midfield with his dribbling, making full use of his long legs and uncanny flexibility. And here it comes, that killer pass for Kaiser… And the general ovation at a second goal. Like the first time I saw their combo from the sidelines, I felt a shiver run down my spine: they were good. And maybe I had been too quick to say that their duo was broken… But still… Still, I felt like something was amiss… They were able to play together, true, probably the remnant of years of practice, but it didn’t feel as electric as that day. And then, to my surprise, Kaiser went to high-five Ness. And, even if I was too far away to really see his expression, I could have sworn the smile on the midfielder's face was there only for the cameras and as a professional mask…That he would have preferred hugging an anaconda or a black mamba. Their combo still worked, but it was just mechanical now, the connection, the synergy they used to have had vanished.

And the match went on. And if I just couldn’t say it was a bad one, the teams were good and that crowd sure was fire, I still felt that absence, that something amiss. I thought these two would be a thorn in our side during the World Cup, but now, I was left to wonder if they would truly be that phenomenal, that dangerous, working only by memory..? 

 The second half brought a new breath to the game, thanks to a change of players on the side of the Berserk Dortmund, but still, with a score of 6-2 the game seemed wrapped. Yet, I was curious about what the last play would be. To know which one of the two teams would manage to snatch away another goal. A perfectly timed tackle, a pass, a ball that Ness caught effortlessly in midair, another “We want Magic!” chant that shook the whole stadium as he got rid of a four player lock. Not by dribbling them before they get too close. No. Where would the spectacle be? But by luring them close, and closer still, before sending an aberration of a pass -not because it was ugly, more like the contrary in fact- right for Kaiser… Who sent it into the back of the net in a blink. In a goal worthy of a Superstar.  Well… Maybe I would also start to believe in magic.

-Looks like the Emperor took the prize and with that insane goal, gave the victory to the Bastard Munchen with a final score of 7-2!

The crowd roared in victory. Yep, I would definitely lose my earring after that. And on the field, half of the players lowered their heads in defeat, as the other half  celebrated their victory. And, in the middle of the celebrating players, I thought I caught something… There was no way…

But the reaction of the crowd confirmed it. I felt myself blushing.

Was it just a victory kiss or another statement? One that says both of them were back?

Well, maybe the match would still be interesting and could offer some surprises if we faced them at the World Cup.

I wondered what else I’ll see during that trip. And now, onto my next destination…