Chapter Text
In the past his mornings were once peaceful. He would wake a little later than Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to the former dragging him out of bed, then quietly meditate in the gardens until it was time for breakfast, And they continued to be peaceful after he’d graduated from his apprenticeship. He wakes when he wants and meditates sometime after breakfast if time will allow it; If he is away at war, he does it in the privacy of his own quarters, and if he is home then he does it in the terrace garden under the warmth of the sun. He is a war general now, yes, however that does not mean he won’t try to sleep in if he can get away with it.
That being said…he is a war general. He is far from being a light sleeper. So the morning after he returned to the room he once used as a child, he woke right as the sun came up to movement outside of his door. He slid the door open- hair disheveled, bags under his eyes and grease stains under his fingers- to a smiling Togruta child that was perfectly put together, and without a single hint of tiredness on her face.
He knew right then that he would never have another peaceful morning to himself again. Not for a long time, at least.
________________________________________
Six weeks after being assigned a padawan he never signed up for, and three weeks after moving in with said padawan, he did the first thing he hasn’t done since his days as an apprentice and student in the form of walking to the Jedi Archives, before the clone wars. Though it’s been four years since then, the path to the halls are not unfamiliar as his feet carry him there like they once had. It was still as pristine since his last trip inside-polished floors and windows that reached as high as the ceiling. There are younglings studying and masters browsing, he can feel the remnants of anxiety, tears, and nerves from those that had come through these halls(students, no doubt).
“Wow,” Obi-Wan whistles slowly in stride beside him. “How wonderful. It looks as though they’ve added to their collections now, haven’t they?” He points out. There are more blue scripts slotted in the shelves than there had been four years ago. “We should have a look when we’re done.”
“Can’t,” checking the clock on the wall, both of them walk past a table of younglings studying their notes. “Ahsoka should be finished with her afternoon classes soon.”
In a tone that was one of reminisce, his former master sighs. “Ah, yes…I remember those days. Getting you to study and do homework was as difficult as it was to wake you up.”
“I wasn’t that bad.”
“Hmm. Sure you don’t remember it that way. But I, on the other hand, can distinctly recall the time you had a project due at nine in the morning and we were both up until four in the morning to complete it.”
Anakin frowns at the memory. “It was short notice.”
“Hmm. I can hardly call six weeks ‘short notice’, but if you say so, Anakin.”
He and Obi-Wan take the long path ahead, reaching the large, circular desk where the head librarian usually sits, but is currently empty. Anakin crosses his arms and leans onto it, shooting his old master a look. “Remind me again, why are you here?”
“Because I wish to see my grand-padawan after this, of course. You know, I’m still surprised you took up your old room? Master Qui-Gon’s room was the largest of ours, yet you gave it to your new padawan?”
“Because I’m using two rooms, there’s no point in using the largest and the spare one, and then leave her with the smallest one. And you didn’t have to join me, you know?”
“Is it such a crime to want to accompany you to the archives of all places, Anakin? By the way,” he speaks before Anakin can make a comment, nodding to the shelves behind the desk. They are kept behind glass cases, and only accessible to council members or for masters looking to seek information about their padawans. He’s already frowning before Obi-Wan continues his follow up question. “Have you given my grand-padawan’s file a look thus far? You know it can assist you in her training-”
“I’ve already read it.” He tells him. Three times.
Pleasantly surprised, “Oh, have you, now?” Anakin doesn’t give him a verbal response-nodding instead. His master was not his former master for nothing, and knew him too well. Obi-Wan sensed there was something not being said(if Anakin had to guess, it was the reason for the five hundred questions on the way over), “What did it say, if I may inquire? Anything peculiar? Allergies, maybe? Are Togruta’s even allergic to anything?”
“Togruta’s are carnivores, so they have an adapted stomach palate from what I’ve been told.” Or that is what Ahsoka claims, at least, and the articles he’s read on his datapad.
The man gives him an expectant look. “Mhm, and…….?”
Anakin huffs. “Ahsoka is an empath.” He admits to his master. Obi-Wan is surprised and delighted to hear, especially after Anakin tells him-lowering his voice and checking so no one else is listening. “I read her file. Master, she’s a variant three KN, and is a variant four EP.”
“A variant four?” His eyebrows shoot up. “Oh my….” a hand reaches up to rub at his chin in thought. “A rare manifestation, it has to be? I’ve never heard of anyone with such a high class in EP. Class three, yes, though not many. Why, I believe Master Plo-Koon is one himself, though we talk so very rarely that I cannot confirm that.”
“Yes, it is a rare manifestation, it’s what the notes said in her file. And they also say that ‘any further manifestations are to be determined’.”
“I see……Is this why you are hesitant to train her? You do not feel that you can?”
“I know nothing about Empathic Cognition, that isn’t even close to my classification type.” The only one they share in common is the Kinetic as he’s a level four variant himself in that and in TK; his telekinesis has been honed and mastered for years now, thanks to the help of his master and grand-master. They did not have that classification, no, but it was something they could teach because his ability is well researched and easily teachable. They were masters of the force themselves, and taught him how to channel that and meditate so deeply that he often felt like he was truly one with the force. “And there’s nothing I can find on the datapad that is useful. I mean, I just don’t understand why she was assigned to me anyway when she should have been assigned to a master with the same ability. I mean, I can only teach her the ways of the force and how to properly wield her lightsaber.” So far, that’s actually all they’ve done. He’s meditated with her and he’s corrected her stances, but he can only do so much, especially because she still doesn’t have her own lightsaber-
Speaking of, he thinks, looking around for the elderly woman, Where is Master Jocasta Nu?!
“Well that’s the fun about teaching, isn’t it Anakin? Helping another hone a skill you don’t have yourself? You know, younglings are quite impressionable, and from what I’ve seen of young Ahsoka, she’s not a bad child. I’m sure if you two worked together, you can find a way to teach her what she needs to know. You could even write to the empaths in the order to see if they can give some direction. Or, perhaps, could it be something else that is bugging you?”
“You got it right the first time. There’s no need to dig into it any deeper than that, you won’t find anything.”
The look his master gives him is a look he brushes off, because he doesn’t want to deal with it or the man’s prodding. Sighing for what feels like the thousandth time, eyes searching for the woman in question, “I thought of that, I’ve already sent something out to a few masters. I’m going to do what I can, I’m just saying that there has to be another master that’s better cut out for her. Why did she have to be assigned to me-”
“Hello, Master.”
It wasn’t loud at all, but it certainly made both him and his Master jump out their boots, heads snapping to look down beside them.
As if she’d appeared out of thin air, Ahsoka is standing there with bright blue eyes and a smile on her face, her bag slung over her shoulder.
“Oh my word.” His master places a hand over his heart-Anakin’s own was beating rapidly for a complete other reason, eyes searching her Lekku immediately and finding nothing. “A quiet young one, aren’t you?” Both men shot each other a quick look over her head.
“Master Kenobi, it’s wonderful to see you again!”
Obi-Wan Kenobi offers her a warm smile, greeting her with a short nod of his head. “And you as well, dear. In fact, I was going to stop by yours and Anakin’s quarters after this to see how you are settling in. Hopefully that is still fine with you?”
“Yes! Of course, Master Kenobi! If I may, what are you two doing here anyways?”
It doesn’t seem like she’d heard what he said, so he takes that as a blessing and relaxes, scowling almost right after she asked her question and looked back behind the desk. “Waiting for Master Nu to finally show.”
“Oh? What for? Is it about Ilum?” She asks them both.
Anakin raises his brow, “How’d you know about that?”
“Because you mentioned it yesterday, Master. Remember? If you still want to talk to her, she’s right over there,” she points to her left-both men moving their heads to follow where her finger was pointing to. They can see the older woman in an aisle with a cart, the tablets floating above her as she adjusted them on the shelves. “But I already asked her when the next trip is, and she says it’s nine days from now, and the starship leaves at eight in the evening. All you have to do is fill out the form I sent you and send it to her when you’re finished so I can go.”
“Form? You didn’t send me a form?”
“I did, just now.” She tells him, as a matter of fact. “Right before I came over.”
Just to be sure, Anakin pulls out his datapad and looks to see that she did, in fact, send him a form three minutes ago. “....Wonderful.” He frowns, typing away at the form and sending it off right then and there. It takes only a minute or two to do so, and in that time he can’t shake the feeling of Ahsoka’s and his master’s eyes on him.
When he’s finished and tells them that their job there was done, he doesn’t notice the small frown on Ahsoka’s face, or the shift in her Lekku.
___________________________________________________
Located in the 7G sector of the unknown regions is the planet all Jedi are familiar with, Ilum. It is only one of the three planets that provide crystals for their lightsabers, and is the location of an Ice covered Jedi temple which is only accessible for twentyfour hours every standard six weeks. He was nine when he joined Obi-Wan on the expedition there for them both to retrieve their own crystals-his, because he was directly taken under as a padawan, and not having entered the temple like other younglings when they were younger, and Obi-Wan’s because his saber had been split in an accident. It is the very place his padawan will be going to with the other padawans to retrieve her own Kyber crystal.
He’s lost and broken his lightsaber plenty of times over the course of his life, and has been in a crowd of twelve and thirteen year olds in his late teens to get a new crystal. Still, he crosses his arms over his chest and frowns at the practice saber lying on the ground, and not in his padawan's hands. “What did I say about dropping your saber, Ahsoka? This is the fifth time-it’s a wonder how you even pulled that stunt on Goshi, if you can’t keep your saber in your hand.”
“Sorry, Master. I didn’t mean to…”
“It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not. You cannot drop your lightsaber. And if you do, then you use the force to bring it back to you. Like this.” Holding out his hand, the saber flies directly into it. Ahsoka’s eyes widen in fascination-he tossed into her hands and says, “Forget forms. I want you to practice dropping your saber, and bringing it back to you. When you can catch it to where it doesn’t touch the ground, then we’ll move on.”
“Can I ask why?”
“You’re smart. Figure it out, and then when you’re done, let me know. I have work to finish.” Already walking to the patio doors and opening it.
His padawan is talented-thinking on this as he scrolls through his datapad and responds to messages. The togruta is a quick learner and she listens well (when she isn’t questioning him constantly), she makes mistakes that most younglings would, but it isn’t something he can’t correct or anything that she can’t grow out of. Her advancing so quickly through the creche system was not for nothing, she truly was gifted from what he could tell so far.
So, when he’s halfway done with his work and decides this is a good time to check on her, he can’t fight the vein threatening to pop out his neck when he slides the door open and sees the state of the garden. He wonders to himself, why me?
Shoving the door open more and stepping outside, his padawan is standing with her lightsaber drawn. The shrubbery that once had blocked their balcony from the other was sliced in half and clearly cut from the weapon at her hip. He wouldn’t have been as mad at that if the flowers Qui-Gon had gifted them himself days ago weren’t also in the path of her destruction. They were nearly destroyed, and so was Anakin’s patience for the young girl. “Ahsoka!? What are you doing?!”
She smiles and rears back her arm. “Master, look!”
Just as she follows through on her throw, Anakin uses the force to rip the lightsaber out of her hand and pulls it to his own hand, cutting it off.
“Master-”
“Ahsoka,” taking the deepest breath possible. Hands on his hips, “Explain to me what you are trying to do? And why have you destroyed the balcony, and Master Qui-Gon’s flowers he just gave to you?”
“Well, Master, I did what you said at first. But if I dropped my lightsaber, it would be turned on, and in a realistic scenario, it might not just drop at my feet. So I thought I should…..practice….throwing it….” Her voice becoming smaller and smaller the longer she talks , because the longer she talks, the more irritated he becomes.
“You destroyed the balcony.”
“I’m sorry, master, I can fix it-”
He holds up his hand, stopping her in her tracks to pin a hard look onto her. “No. You’re going to stand there, only. What were my instructions, Ahsoka? What did I tell you to do?”
“You…you said to practice dropping my lightsaber and bringing it back to me.”
“Hmm, yes. And what else did I say?”
Her mouth parts, thinking. “....uh….To tell you when I’m finished?”
“Yes.” He strasses. “To tell me when you were done. And what did I not tell you to do?”
“....to throw my lightsaber.”
“Yes. Good, now we’re getting somewhere. I told you to do one thing, and you did something else. I did not expect you to stand out here and drop the lightsaber for hours on end, it was only going to be for a short while, which is why I told you to tell me when you’re finished. And now look,” he gestures to the burning floral arrangement. “The garden is completely destroyed. I’ll have to have the custodial staff come out here and fix it.”
“Oh, but-”
“Ahsoka. Just…” pinching his nose. “Just go inside and wash up for dinner. I’ll send them when I get the chance, we’ll just have to meditate inside until then.”
“But-” she sees the look he gives her and shuts her mouth. Pursing her lips together. She nods her head and walks inside without another word.
________________________________________
There’s a gentle rapping on the door of his tinkering room.
Through the small, thin….very fragile bond he’s formed with his padawan through the force over the last few weeks, he knows it’s her the second his attention is pulled from the object in his hand. He expertly slides the item back in its box and clears out the workspace, deciding now would be a good time to go to bed anyways, since his padawan is so hell bent on waking him at ungodly hours in the morning to meditate.
He doesn’t bother asking her to come in, and instead he opens the door to step out. Ahsoka is right there with a mug in her hand and a tablet with her usual smile on her face, moving out of the way as he steps out. “Master! I was thirsty, so I was getting some water, and I figured you might want something to drink, so I made you some coffee!”
“Oh, thank you Ahsoka, but no coffee for me the rest of the night. I have to sleep, but you can put it in the fridge and I’ll just heat it up in the morning.” He tells her. She opens her mouth, but shuts it, nodding her head. Anakin then takes note of the tablet in her hand and he nods at it, “What’s this?”
Her expression brightens, thrusting it his way excitedly. “This is my report for Piloting and mechanics! Master Eerills sent us our scores!”
Piloting and mechanics? He takes the tablet from her and recalls that this was one of the few classes he enjoyed himself when he was still a padawan and student. He received the highest marks in that class, and it would seem his padawan is following in his footsteps in that regard when he sees the glowing note from the instructor next to ‘Outstanding’.
Insightful analysis. Excellent grasp of material and well written.
Anakin skims over the report that he also remembers having to write himself. He could see that she had included clear diagrams of the converter assembly, details about current modulation, and even a short section on energy redistribution during hyperdrive activation. It looks solid….clear, detailed, and very informative. It seemed more organized than what his own papers had been, where he’d just written how he spoke. It was good. Real good. The girl who’d been watching him intently the whole time proved once again how intelligent she is.
But then when he got to the section on cooling units, he hummed. Opening his mouth.
“Ahsoka….” He begins, still skimming over the section with a pinch in his brows. “You wrote here that the converter’s coolant flows through the same line as the power conduits?”
Confused, she leans in and looks at the section-Anakin adjusting it so she could see better. “Yes? That’s how it stabilizes the energy load, right?”
“Not exactly…You see, if the coolant flowed through the power conduit, you’d get a short before you even reached ignition. They run next to each other, not through the same channel.”
“Oh…but the diagrams I found in the library-”
“Probably simplified versions.” He says quickly, handing the datapad back to the girl. “Easy mistake, anyone could’ve made it.”
“..Oh…”
Anakin plucks the mug out of her hand and walks to the kitchen, opening the fridge to put the mug inside for later. “Don’t worry about it, it’s not like the instructor noticed. Anyways, it’s getting late now, you should go to-” he hears the door to her room open and slide close, straightening and leaning to look at the hallway at the closed door, “......bed….”
______________________________
He didn’t sleep much that night, both thinking about their interaction(and what he might’ve done to possibly upset her), and contemplating whether or not he should tug on the small bond they have.
He decides against the latter.
In the morning, Anakin was planning on asking the girl what that was about, but when he entered the living room and her smile was still sewn on her face, and her Lekku were white and blue as they should be, he figured it was all in his head and that he was overthinking it. So he moved on.
Training went on as usual as did work, preparing for the next departure for a possible six month long mission to Verdantia. A jungle planet in the outer rim of the Kwymar sector, set between the Gaulus and Thanium sectors, and is one of the first planets devastated by this war. He spent days discussing with the council, setting up meetings with politicians, and pulling favors from his best friend in an attempt to get as much aid as possible for the mission. It’s looking like he and his troops will be spending quite some time there for the foreseeable future…he can’t complain as long as there isn’t any sand involved.
Preparing for the mission also meant preparing Ahsoka, so he put in for some new jedi robes for her that would assist in the heat, and other minor things he could come up with as well as double checked her pack for her upcoming trip to Ilum. They would have to leave as soon as she returns from the ice planet to go on the mission, so everything needed to be prepared ahead of time.
In his spare time he tinkers with metal at his desk, responds to Senator Palpatine's messages and listens to his padawan’s rambling whenever she feels like speaking…which was all of the time.
“Say, Master,” Ahsoka is swinging her legs on the stool at the counter. “Do you think my saber will be blue like yours? Or will it be green like Master Qui-Gon? Or maybe, like, sky blue? Or purple like Master Windu’s?”
List in hand, standing in front of the dinner table, there are all sorts of objects on it. A new, brightly colored, parka meant for the extreme cold and a taller hood on it. Extra thick cloves as a courtesy from Master Shaak-Ti, boots he purchased two days ago while in the city, and several emergency kits and heatpacks…a flare gun with enough flares to make him comfortable, some rope and an ice pick. He noted the ration bars and figured there could be a few more thrown in the mix….the trip should last a total of six days. So there and back would be six days, and if the worst came and he had to get there himself…nine days total give or take the model fighter he’ll have to ‘borrow’, so twenty seven bars should be fine, but he can make it an even thirty…thirty-two just in case. He’s already sewn a small tracker in nearly each item in front of him. He can recall how horrible his own first trip to Ilum had gone, and how it took too long for his master to reunite with him, and how blue his nose had gotten-
A face mask and goggles…. He quickly scribbles that down on the list-
“Master.”
“Hmm?” His focus shifts just barely from what he’s doing. “What was that, Ahsoka?”
“Saber colors.” She says again. “What color would mine be? What do you think?”
“Well…it’s hard to say,” he murmurs. “Colors can change and it really depends on the wielder."
“I read that colors mean certain things, though?”
Anakin also scribbles down socks on the list. “Sometimes.”
“Like…green means the wielder is a grounded person, which I think makes sense because Master Qui-Gon seems like he’s like that.”
“Mhm.”
In the corner of his eye, he can see her feet kicking even more. “And blue is for ‘aggressive negotiators-”
Anakin frowns, looking up from his list at her, “I am far from aggressive, young one. Master Obi-Wan would be very upset if he heard that’s what you feel about him.”
“I never said I feel that way, it’s the books! And it isn’t a bad thing! It’s just that blue is for people who protect us-the galaxy, I mean. So that’s why you and Master Kenobi have blue lightsabers, it’s because you are protectors.”
“Well where did you even get these books from, huh?”
A grin so big on her face, he could see the sharp ends of her canines, and in a very cheerful voice she said, “Grandmaster Yoda gifted them to me!”
Absolute surprise in his voice, “Master Yoda?”
Ahsoka nods her head eagerly, “Yes, he did! And it says that red is for wielders with great hatred and anger, orange is for those who are negotiators and warriors, purple is for people with individuality and loyalty, but purple can also mean that the wielder came back from the dark side…so I suppose that wouldn’t work for me. And there’s gold and yellow and bronze and-”
“Why did master Yoda give you these books?”
She shrugs simply, “I don’t know. But what do you think, master? What color do you think would suit me?”
Anakin shakes his head, turning back to the task at hand. “Any color.”
“Any color?”
“Hm, yes.”
Ahsoka slumps into the chair and crosses her arms, pouting. “Not very helpful.”
“It’s just a color, Ahsoka. And they change all the time anyway, so it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you get a lightsaber at all.” She can’t go into war with him again with only a training saber. Anakin shoots her a look, “So I hope you’ve also been reading up on the gathering, and not been focusing on kyber crystal colors.”
Ahsoka scoffs, “Of course I did.”
“Good.” Because his padawan is more responsible than he was at that age, he believes her. “Because the trials aren’t easy, especially if you go in blind. You can see or hear anything when you’re there, you just have to remember that whatever it is, it isn’t real.” Looking at the straps of the bag, he wonders if he should add an extra clip to it in case she tries to take it off due to hallucination?
But what if she has to take it off because she fell through ice, and needs to swim?
He doesn’t like that thought…not at all.
While thinking, he doesn’t hear her the first time, so it takes her calling for him to break him out of his head. “What was that?”
“Your trips to Ilum? You said you went multiple times, right?” She asks and he nods. “What about your trials?:”
He feels his body stiffen. “....what about them?”
“What were your trials, Master? How’d you overcome them?”
(A gentle voice brushes his ear. Whispers of his name that only one has ever called him, and will never call him again. Telling him that ‘it’s alright’ and that ‘everything is okay’, a thin, calloused finger twirls the same curl over and over again on his head until it’s slowly torn away. Anakin cries for her, reaching for a hand that he’ll never be able to touch again, and pleads to the force to take him instead, to let her live as she should have had the chance.
There’s two men and a brunette that stand far away, so far that no matter how loud he shouts, or how fast he runs, he cannot reach them. His legs ache, and his throat is dry, but none of that matters because the closer he gets, the further and further away they become, until he can no longer see them.)
Anakin bites down the pain, his hands gripping the edges of the pad. “....They’ve never changed.” He admits to her, turning his back to her again. “....and I didn’t.”
There’s a moment of silence between them until he hears an expert small thump come from behind him, and he feels a presence at his side. He looks down to see Ahsoka placing a hand on his elbow-he feels the shift just like last time-
Anakin rips his arm away, stepping back.
“Master-”
“Ahsoka!” Anakin feels the anger-the betrayal-rush to the surface faster than he could breathe. His ears are ringing, and the blood is rushing through his body. “What the hell did I say about that, Ahsoka!? What did I tell you!”
Ahsoka steps forward but Anakin steps two steps back. Concern and another emotion he can’t bother to pick out is in her tone, her hands up like he’s some sort of wild animal that she’s trying to placate. “I know what you said! That wasn’t what I was doing, I was-”
“What the hell were you ‘doing’ then, huh? Explain!”
“I’m trying to explain! I was just…I was trying to ‘poke’ you.”
He doesn’t know what that means, but the wording makes him feel even more open and exposed to the empath in front of him.
He doesn’t like it at allI.
“Poke me? I told you to stop trying to mess with people's emotions, Ahsoka! It is invasive, inappropriate, and not something you do to other jedi! Especially not your master who told you not to kriffing do that!”
“I just don’t get you!” She shouted and threw her hands in the air. “What do you even want!? Why are you like this!? I’m trying! I do this all the time with Master Plo-koon-”
“Do I look like I’m him, Ahsoka!? Why do you do everything but listen to me?!”
The color on her lekku darkened, the stripes swimming on the tails by her head into something else entirely. “Well why do you not listen to me at all!?” She shot back, shoving a finger in the space between them. “You never listen to me!”
“Well maybe if you didn’t act on your own like this, I would-”
“Well maybe if you weren’t such a jerk then I’d stop!”
“Oh I’m the jerk?” He asked in disbelief. Pissed, he threw the tablet on the table and it skittered across the wood to a stop at the edge. “Well fine then! You pack for your own trip! And while you’re at it, teach yourself how to respect people’s boundaries!”
Ahsoka stormed to the table and ripped the tablet off of it and stomped to the doors of her room, the metal sliding open. “Fine!”
“Go to your room!”
“I am in my room!”
The metal to her door slammed shut even though the sliding mechanisms shouldn’t do that, leaving Anakin there standing in the middle of the living room panting and still pissed. His chest moving up and down, and his breath ragged, he snatched his robe off the back of the couch and stormed out the door, he couldn’t stay there another second longer.