Work Text:
You never forget your first love, Marius has heard and he agrees, he’ll never forget.
Marius’s first love was rather late in his life. Aromantic, Combeferre had explained to him, is the spectrum of people who experience no, little, or conditional romantic attraction.
“That’s so sad,” Marius had said at the time, not knowing that he too fit under this definition.
But Combeferre had given him a small smile, “What’s saddest is that society prioritizes romantic relationships and trivializes the love and support of friends.”
And Marius had looked up at Combeferre with wide eyes, the expression he always made when his worldview was being readjusted just a little bit, “I think you’re right.”
***
Combeferre was always readjusting Marius’s worldview by small increments, which grew substantial as time wore on.
They’d first met at a trying time in Marius’s life, right when he needed to see things a little differently.
Marius had just fallen out with his grandfather and gone to stay with Courfeyrac, who was just an acquaintance then, but who was his only support.
Marius was moving in his few possessions when Enjolras stormed into the apartment, yelling something about a willfully ignorant man on the bus.
Combeferre entered then, saw Marius’s bewildered face, and said, “Hello, you must be Marius. Courf’s told us all about you.”
Marius blushed and looked vaguely panicked so Combeferre amended, “Only good things. I’m Combeferre and the loud one is Enjolras. We’ll probably see a lot of you if you’re living here now.”
Feeling awkward down to his very bones, Marius shook Combeferre’s outstretched hand; surely his hand was trembling or sweating; or this pause in the conversation had gone on too long so he sputtered out, “Yeah. It’s good to meet you.”
Enjolras, having located Courfeyrac, continued muttering under his breath about “people who put too much importance on family values” while Courfeyrac consoled him, “Yeah that’s totally the worst.”
Then Marius, typical Marius, put his foot in his mouth, “I think that family values are important,” he said, thinking of the father he never got to know due to the interference of his grandfather.
Enjolras’s eyes took on a dangerous glint but Combeferre broke in before he could, “Families are important in that they can provide support, but they are also problematic in that they can uphold certain social norms. If the support that humans need to survive can exist socially in other forms, well, then families wouldn’t need to exist as they do traditionally.”
***
Combeferre’s words rang true for Marius, who soon learned what it was like to have a family of friends through Les Amis.
In that way, Combeferre always seemed to know just what Marius needed to hear, as though he heard through Marius’s verbal missteps to know what Marius actually meant.
It was only a short step from that to appreciate Combeferre’s incredible mind, always open to new information, always willing to share a new perspective.
It didn’t take long for Marius to look at Combeferre and see him as beautiful, those discerning dark eyes, the way ink smudged on his capable hands from writing.
But Marius knew that he could never be with Combeferre, who was fully aromantic, not just demiromantic like Marius.
Maybe that was a good thing too, since sometimes it seemed that Combeferre was too much for Marius; Combeferre’s mind was always moving and Marius sometimes wanted his own mind to slow down so he could catch his breath.
Maybe this was for the best.
***
And then Marius got stuck in an elevator.
Then Marius got stuck in an elevator with a girl.
Marius got stuck in an elevator with a girl for four hours.
And they talked for four hours.
And Marius thought, “This is someone I could love in every way and who would love me in those ways too.”
But he didn’t even catch her name.
***
Marius was frantic; Marius was desperate.
His friends would do anything to help him; well, Enjolras would not do anything to help, annoyed as he was by Marius’s preoccupation, but his other friends would do anything to help; Combeferre would do anything to help.
Combeferre, good Combeferre, was ready to put his calculating mind to the task of finding the girl; he’d do anything for his friends.
But Combeferre didn’t have to do anything, Marius found her through another friend, learned her name was Cosette.
Cosette, Cosette, it was so sweet on Marius’s tongue.
***
Sometimes Marius wondered what it would be like if he were with Combeferre instead of Cosette.
Oh Marius loved Cosette, but he still wondered what it would be like if by some act of magic Combeferre had liked him back.
Cosette and Combeferre, they were similar in ways, both patient and gentle, but while Cosette was sweet, Combeferre was more knowing; Cosette took him just as he was, but Combeferre seemed to see right into him sometimes and Combeferre would say something that’d make Marius have to change his worldview again.
And Marius always concluded that he was too intimidated by Combeferre to date him.
But you never forget your first love and Marius can’t help but look at Combeferre with too much warmth, too much heart in his throat.
But he’d never be with Combeferre.
To be his friend was all he’d ever have.
To be his friend was enough.