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Twitch Malto stared in horror at the body on top of her.
“Oh no, no, no!” Digits scrambled as she clumsily fought to lift his helm. “Thrash?”
Two lifeless optics stared back at her.
She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate. Coolant pooled in her working eye as she took in his limp grey form.
“Lil bro?” She was full on sobbing now, coolant blurring her already damaged optic feedback.
She wasn’t sure how long she cried for, but as she eventually ran out of coolant, she finally noticed the deathly silence of the battlefield.
She looked around and was met with even more horror. Giant husks of what was once living metal lay all around her, frames grey and optics dark. Lying in various positions from where they had been deactivated mid battle.
The humans in her family were nowhere to be found.
Thrash. Hashtag. Nightshade. Jawbreaker.
She was heaving now, her processor spinning way too quickly.
Optimus. Dad Two. Megatron. Bumblebee…….
All gone. Because of her.
Her sobs were loud and ugly.
“—itch?”
Her fault.
“---okay Twitch?”
Why did she stall? She should have ended Mandroid when she had the chance.
Her new born siblings. They had just barely scanned their altmodes. And they were dead. Never getting to see the world.
And the Decepticons……She’d dragged them in too.
More crying. Her coolant reserves had long since run out, but it didn’t stop her.
She’d been too slow. Thrash paid for her mistake with his life.
She was meant to die, not them……
“Hey Twitch!!!”
She shot upright, weapons systems humming to life. Her vision changing to that familiar orange hue as her targeting system searched desperately for a target.
“Twitch?”
She was met with the glowing optics of Bumblebee. Her siblings were right behind him, pulsing waves of worry and comfort over the bond. Deep in the clutches of slumber, Robby and Mo automatically sent own waves of sleepy reassurance.
She hastily closed off her own side of the bond. She didn’t deserve their comfort.
The hurt that flashed on their faces made her feel worse.
“I’m f-fine guys.” It sounded hollow to her own audials, but she didn’t want any of their pity wasted on her.
From the expressions on their faceplates, they thought she sounded hollow too.
They all died because of you.
You don’t deserve them.
Pathetic.
It was all too much, so she transformed into her drone mode and flew off.
“Twitch! Wait!” Thrash called out.
Thrash’s lifeless optics stared back at her.
“Why didn’t you save me, Twitch?”
She picked up speed, sending them back a little from the resulting wind. She flew, flying till she was out of the dugout. Then the barn. Then she was flying far away from the house and deep into the forest.
She needed to get out. She couldn’t go back.
“Why didn’t you save me?”
She couldn’t.
--------
“Twitch wait!” Thrash started to transform, ready to go after her but a servo steadied his rear wheel, drawing it back.
“Holdup Thrash” Bumblebee set him down. He sprang out of altmode and landed on his pedes, glaring up at him.
“But she-”
“You guys try to get some recharge. I’ll go after her” He stepped forward slightly, before turning to meet them.
“Be back soon.” He gave them a lazy salute.
He stepped out.
“I promise”
---------
Twitch flew until her rotors ached. And then she flew some more. She was far from home at this point, hovering over a peaceful clearing. She huffed slightly, her systems slightly overheating from her earlier jaunt. Her thoughts savagely attacked her.
If only you were faster.
If only you were stronger.
If only YOU WEREN’T SO WEAK!…..
She screamed in agonizing fury and with a sudden viciousness started attacking the clearing.
She sent out EMP blasts. Scorching the grass. Uprooting trees and sending them tumbling. Birds scattered in several directions, avoiding the barrage.
A few feathers fluttered to the ground around her, like tiny sad iterations of confetti.
She growled. It wasn’t enough.
She flipped into root mode, free falling from the sky and landing with so much force a small crater formed around her fist. She drew her fist back and punched through a nearby tree. It splintered around her fist and snapped in two, falling to the ground with a heavy thud.
She busied her fists, burying them into every punchable surface. Trees, rocks, the ground.
At some point she started firing her blaster. Sparks flew, trees smouldered and started to burn, smoke started to rise.
Still not satisfied, she unsheathed her wing blades and started to slice. She cut into rocks, small pieces flying out and scratching at her face and paint.
Not good enough
Not good ENOUGH!
A few minutes later, she was huffing from exertion, fists aching from abusing them so much. Grey scuff marks littered her frame from where her paint had been scratched and peeled off.
Pathetic. She was so pathetic.
She dumped her blades on the charred ground with an angry yell. Coolant dripped freely from her optics. This time she didn’t bother to stop them, choosing instead to curl up by herself on the ground.
---------
Which is how Bumblebee found her a few minutes later, sitting in the middle of a burning clearing, covered in scratch marks and coolant.
“Heya Twitch” He sat next to her, watching the smouldering flames for a second. Watching nature burn was a surprisingly peaceful image.
No response. Twitch continued to stare resolutely at the ground, sniffing slightly.
“Your siblings are worried about you, you know.” He started.
Twitch remained silent, which was to be expected. He switched tactics immediately.
“So what’s got you so worked up you decimated a whole clearing?” He shuffled closer, wrapping her in a loose one-armed hug. Twitch stiffened, but made no move to shift away. He considered that as progress.
She turned inwards, snuggling against the side of his frame. Tiny vibrations were emanating from her tiny body, and Bumblebee could feel the coolant staining his arm. He opted to say no more, having decided to let her speak on her own terms.
He was right. She caved after the first few breems.
“’Twas my fault” She mumbled against his plating.
“Hmm?”
“Mandroid was able to activate the ray because I stalled. I’m sorry. I really am way ahead of myself I-” A servo gripped the back of her head tightly, pulling it up so she could see his serious expression.
“Twitch. It wasn’t your fault” He enunciated every word, tapping her helm for emphasis.
“But I-”
“So what if you stalled? From what I understand you were trying to talk to him, hoping to convince him without having to resort to violence. That’s a very honourable thing to do Twitch.”
“B-but I should have known he was beyond reason. If only I had gotten there a little faster then I could have-”
“Could have done what Twitch?” He raised an eyebrow ridge.
“I could have- I could…..have. I-I….” What would she have done? Sure she could have grabbed his staff and ran, but then what? As far as she knew, he didn’t even need the Cyber Slasher at that point. The death beam would have activated anyway.
She ran through a hundred other scenarios but turned up blank.
“I could have still done something” She replied weakly.
“There was nothing you could have done. Even if you had gotten there in time. Besides, it’s all passed now.”
“BUT YOU ALL DIED!!!” She screamed, twisting herself out of his hold. Teary orange met blue with such fierceness he almost flinched
“You all died, and it was all my fault because I was too much of a COWARD to actually end Mandroid. Irefused to budge in the face of danger. Iconvinced the Decepticons to help us. If it wasn’t for Mo and Robby using the Emberstone…..” She trailed off, hugging her knees.
“Listen to me Twitch. You are a very skilled mech, but I want you to remember that you are still barely a year old which is way too young to be dealing with all the trash life threw at you. Shortcomings were a given Twitch, you were sent into battle with barely enough training.” He started.
“You have a good spark, and that part of you always tries to reach out to others in need of it. To see past the evil in others. And it’s his loss he decided not to accept your kindness.”
“It was all out of your hands Twitch.” He ran a single digit along her helm crest.
“So please stop beating yourself up OK?”
“And before you hurt yourself thinking about that I want to assure you that no one’s mad at you. Not even the Decepticons. I promise”
She hiccupped slightly, and burst into tears.
Bumblebee simply pulled her back against his chassis, wrapping both arms around her.
“It’s alright. Let it out. Let it all out.”
As Twitch shook in his arms, she started to think.
Here was Bumblebee, leaving the comfort of the house just to search for her. Sitting in the middle of a burning clearing and sacrificing his plating for her. She subtly looked up at his ash covered plating and winced.
She knew Bumblebee’s finish was a very important thing to him.
Less important than her apparently.
He wouldn’t do all that if he hated her.
That comforted her a little bit.
From her position on the floor, she could also feel her siblings pushing a dizzying mix of worry, concern and reassurance through the bond. Not a trace of hatred in sight.
She thought back to the rest of the Autobots. None of them had seemed angry after defeating Mandroid. In fact, Megatron had been the one to ultimately take them home in the end.
She thought back to the Decepticons. Starscream and his trine. If there were to be any hatred at all, she expected it to have definitely come from there. And yet there wasn’t. He’d been more than happy to assist in the clean-up, even if he did disappear (literally- Skywarp had teleported them out the second they were done.)
Mom and dad had fussed all over her for scratches and dents.
Her siblings had practically buried her alive under a giant hug pile as soon as they got home. And then proceeded to stick close to her like glue.
The rest of the Autobots were too exhausted from being mind controlled to actively feel anything.
Bumblebee wasn’t lying. No one was mad at her.
Bumblebee also referred to her as a kid. When compared to the other Cybertronians- who were literal millions of years older than her, she guessed that made sense.
She tried to imagine someone else in her position. Maybe one of her siblings like Thrash, or Hashtag or Jawbreaker or Nightshade. She wouldn’t have hesitated to throw herself in the way. She would have gladly sacrificed her life, if it meant they would still get a chance to live.
She tried to conjure up any feelings of anger towards that person. Tried to imagine hating that person for not taking the shot. Tried to blame that person for the death of the rest of her family, for her metaphorical death. And found out…..
That she couldn’t.
She wouldn’t have blamed Robby, Mo, Thrash, Hashtag, Jawbreaker, Nightshade, or any of the Autobots if they had done that.
Hell, she wouldn’t even have blamed a Decepticon if thy had been the one up there.
…….Oh.
She got it now.
At some point Bumblebee had picked her up and started walking in the direction of the barn. So she wrapped her arms around his neck and thought that maybe….
Maybe one day, she would get over that. And maybe, one day, she could eventually stop blaming herself too.